 And now, around the world, the Jack Benny program. Benny with Mary Libby's in Rochester, Dennis A. Bob Crosby, and you're truly dog-willed. Ladies and gentlemen, this broadcast is coming to you from New York City, where tonight Jack Benny will also do his television show with his special guest, Miss Helen Hayes. But right now, we're doing a radio show from the Lincoln Square Theater. We can't bring you Lincoln, but here's a real square, Jack Benny! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and, Don, that was such a wonderful introduction you gave me. It's a shame it's your last one. What do you mean, my last one? Well, Don, this show is transcribed and the program and you will be released at the same time. But, Jack... Look, Don, I'm only kidding. I'll say, Jack, did you read that last week, President Eisenhower played golf at the club you belong to in Palm Springs, Tamaris? Yes, Don. And what a thrill I got when I read that. Just imagine the President of the United States driving off from the same tee that I drove off, putting on the same green that I put it on, tipping the same caddy that called me a cheapskate. What a thrill. You know, Jack, when the President plays golf, he's accompanied by 20 Secret Service Men. 20 Secret Service Men? Gosh, I bet he never loses the ball. You know, FBI means fine ball instantly. But anyway, Don, it's exciting being here in New York again, isn't it? It certainly is, Jack. And have you noticed all the changes since we were here last? You bet I have, Don. They've painted the sub-treasury building, Brinks has four new trucks, and there's a brand new carpet in the Chase National Bank. Anyway, Don, I'll... Excuse me, Don. Hello? Hello, Mr. Belly, this is Rochester. Rochester, where are you? I'm backstage at the television studio. Oh, how's everything going? Fine, fine. I've been watching Miss Hayes rehearse on the set. Oh, yes, Helen Hayes. I'm sure lucky to get her as a guest star. She's some actress, isn't she, Rochester? Yeah, and boss, you should have seen her this afternoon. In one minute, she went from a mood of carefree, lighthearted, gady to the pent-up emotions of anger, frustration, and despair. Gee, what scene was that? No scene. She was reading a contract. Well, Rochester, she's probably nervous. Everybody gets excited before a live television show. On the contrary, boss, everyone's very calm here. Your producer is taking a nap, the director is reading the magazine, and the writers are playing cards. In fact, we've had only one attempt of nerves all afternoon. Really? Who had it? Your makeup man. My makeup man, but Rochester, this makeup man in New York has never worked on me before. He's never even seen me. Did you describe me to him? Did you tell him that I'm only 39 years old? Uh-huh, he went further than that. I told him you had skin like a peach. Well, good, good. What did he say? He asked me if I'd ever seen the skin on a 39-year-old peach. What are you laughing at? Alright, I'll talk to you later. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? I was just wondering if I could have tomorrow off. Tomorrow? But, Rochester, just last week you had three days off. Oh, boss, you're not going to count them, are you? Why not? We were on the train. Well, you have nothing to do? Nothing. Every time we came to a stop, you threw a white coat on my back, jumped a whisper in my hand, and we split the tips. Alright, you're going to have tomorrow off. I'll see you later. Goodbye. Goodbye. Was that Rochester? What did you say, Don? I said, was that Rochester? If it wasn't, I'd been talking to a giraffe with a sore throat. I don't know why I slip one in, you know? I'm an ad-libbing fool, you know? Except I got it written in pencil. I didn't tell anybody. Don, Rochester's over at the television studio watching a rehearsal. Oh, Jack, how did you manage to get such a wonderful actress like Helen Hayes to appear on your television show? Well, Don, I heard that she was very anxious to appear on an outstanding comedy program, so I went up to her apartment and asked her to be on my show, and she accepted immediately. Well, that's amazing. I will admit, of course, I used a little trick. What did you do? I had my leg in a cast. She thought I was Jackie Gleason. You know, Don, sometimes you have to be very clever about how you... See who that is, will you, Don? Sure, Jack. Can we speak to Mr. Benny? Say, Jack, it's a fella and four girls. They want to talk to you. To me? Yeah, Mr. Benny, my name is Rodgers and Hammerstein. Rodgers and Hammerstein? No, Rodgers and Hammerstein. The N stands for Nathan. Oh, well, you told me who you were. I was amazed, you know. You have a very famous name. Yeah, I know. Nathan sells hot dogs and call me an island. Oh, well, look, Mr. Hammerstein. Just call me Nate. Well, what can I do for you, Nate? Well, myself and these four girls here are members of the Jack Benny fan club. I'm the president. Well, huh? How long have you people been my fans? Mr. Benny, we realized you was our kind of guy when we first saw you at the Palace Theater. God, when was that? Yesterday evening when you was arguing with a cashier about changing the prices. Oh, were you there? All the time till the cops broke it up. Well, look, it's very nice of you to come over, but right now I'm doing a radio show. Yeah, that's why we came over. The girls want to welcome you to New York. Welcome me? Yeah, take it, girls. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello there, Hello, beautiful. How'd you get so beautiful? Where'd you get those lovely big blue eyes? Where'd you get them eyes? You're our lover boy. What a handsome cover boy. How do you stay young, please, put us wild? When you smile at us, you're fiddle-sing. Yes, you do. Yeah, I was very good, girls, very good. And Mr. Hammerstein. Just call me Nate. Well, Nate, I want you to know to know that I appreciate your bringing the girls over to sing to me but tell me what was that boing at the end I want to take idle sprout excuse me come in hi Jack well Georgie Jessel largely what are you doing here I'm looking for a kangaroo with a sore throat I tell you why I'm here Jack I get one in every once in a while Jack I'm ashamed of myself you know you were good enough them see the testimonial dinner that the friars gave me the other night and I didn't even get a chance to talk to you that's all right Georgie you were busy well I didn't feel right about it so I thought I'd come over and say hello well thanks Georgie that's nice of you and as long as I'm here I'd like to make this an occasion for welcoming you to this great and thriving metropolis Georgie no speeches now I just got a few notes oh yes my good people faith open charity without which we would all be striving without point or purpose George I'm doing a program and on behalf of the 8 million residents of this community we welcome you Jack Benny to the great city of New York is is that all no I'd like a glass of water never seen such a guy when other people meet they shake hands he delivers an address I'm sorry that's all right by the way Georgie this is my announcer Don Wilson yes of course you know Don I've seen you with so many of the dinners in which I've been to touch them at all you have yeah and if you'd look up from your plate once in a while you'd see me to George I hear Jack made a very good emcee at the dinner the friars gave you down Jack was just wonderful he said so many nice things about me I did yes he did his features are beautiful he paid me such flowing compliments I sat there thinking either he's lying or I'm dead I'm going to pay you a lot more compliments many more in fact I have so much material left over that I plan to do a sketch tonight based on your life oh no this is your show and the friars have already honored me so let's do a sketch that I've written about your life but I'd rather do your life no no this is a half hour program and the way I've lived you'd never get mine in believe me Jack that's the way you feel go ahead let's hear now this is a story about my life your life okay ladies and gentlemen the Jack Benny story or you can't take it with you because he owns it and music our story begins with the birth of Jack Benny in the year 1894 39 years ago in the little town of walk Keegan Illinois the park parents gazed with the light on the blue-eyed baby and it was at this moment the Jack Benny's voice was heard for the first time look at him Papa he's so cute yes we'll call him Jackie doctor I want to ask you something oh I know all parents think their children are unusual but honestly doctor isn't our Jackie different for most babies you've delivered I can't tell I'm also a veterinarian look at little Jackie Papa he's got your mouth and he's got your nose and he's got your eyes and he's got your ears but look at his hair that's mine it slipped off quiet now now mr. Benny about my feet oh don't worry doctor just mail your bill and my son Jackie will send you a check oh thank you very well now wait a minute your son here Jackie he's only a few minutes old how can he send me a check and I don't know how he did it but he's already saved eight hundred dollars and so the little baby began to grow and make rapid progress at the age of six months he astounded medical science because he had 32 teeth all of it ah but Jack was a happy little child and all day long he used to sit in his crib playing with his toys and as he grew older his parents gave him everything he wanted but Jack wasn't an only child he had a younger sister named Florence today has an older sister named Florence but the years passed and finally Jackie entered school and as a student he was exceptionally bright and particular in arithmetic and now for the next question I will call on Jackie Benny yes teacher now Jackie if you loan $10 to Albert and $5 to Irving and $15 to Tommy and they all paid you back at once how much money would you have $31 I'm sorry Jackie but the correct answer is only $30 what about the interest oh yes I forgot and that reminds me Jackie I'll pay you the money I owe you Friday good then I'll give you back your wrist watch easy to see that there was something about Jackie that was different from other boys in his class there was one little boy who lived near the stock yard there was another was home was above a livery stable and still another who lived next door to a glue factory yeah Jackie was the only kid in his class called stinking somehow he seemed to know that he was destined for a musical career and for the next few years he took violin lessons regularly no no no how many times must I tell you smoothly smoothly I'm sorry you play it again only this time hold the bow with one hand you are not high-carb not today the lesson she is over oh well goodbye professor wait you did not pay me huh Michelle Benny I want my money but Jack was persistent about his violin playing and he took lessons here Michelle Benny my money after here Michelle Benny my money after here please Michelle Benny my money finally came the day of his graduation from elementary school it was a proud moment for Jack and his parents for that was the day that he put on his first pair of long pants it looked kind of bulky over his diapers as he was preparing to leave the house his parents looked at him proudly and they said Jackie we're proud of you thanks mother I'm so excited look at him mama doesn't he look handsome he should look handsome he's got your mouth and he's got your nose and he's got your eyes and he's still got my hair you'll get it you'll get it let him graduate first and we want to get there early he's going to play a violin solo friends relatives teachers and fellow graduates your kind reception to my musical offering is filled my little heart with joy but I don't deserve all his applause alone some of the glory must be shared by my music teacher that wonderful man that pretty and genius that's great never mind the compliments I want my money Jack Benny schooling a violin study interrupted by World War one when he entered the armed forces he was really too young to go but his father was on the draft board earlier 1917 refined Jack no longer a boy but a man ready to enter the Navy goodbye Papa go already with the war over Jack's parents do it soon be home and they made preparations they moved so Jack decided on board will as a career it was about this time that many changes took place in the entertainment world new innovations that come along radio talking pictures and in one picture called lucky boy a handsome young leading man named Georgie Gessel scored an immediate smash hit as he sang one bright and guiding light that taught me wrong from right I found in my mind look at this baby tail she told it's me it's my life story oh yes I'm sorry with the advent of radio many stars were made overnight and one of the brightest was the man who always opened his show with hello again from this he became a star Jack realized that he was a big around radio he decided to get his own program and first he looked for an announcer he didn't have to look far because Don Wilson was everywhere so Don Wilson was hired even though at that time Jack was on for jello usually Jack assembled his cash he took Mary out of the stocking counter at the May Company he reclaimed Phil Harris from a Bowery mission but he had a hard time getting Dennis pay the organ grinder didn't want to part with him for the success and radio Jack decided to go into motion pictures and one night he happened to be at a gay party where every big producer in Hollywood was present and feeling that this was his opportunity Jack approached Mr. Warner the head of the Warner Brothers Studio Mr. Warner I realize it's not considered proper to mix business with pleasure but there's no reason why I can't be a big success in the movie and I feel that if you and I put our heads together we can come up with a role that will not only suit my particular talents but we'll also never mind just park my car yes sir so Jack brought Mr. Warner's Cadillac but he persisted and finally made a number of pictures for Warner Brothers climax by the horn blows at midnight it was exactly one month after this picture is released that Jack met Mr. Warner at another party but Mr. Warner there's no sense being mad at me when you're a producer you got to take chances and I feel that if you and I never mind just park my Chevrolet but although he ruined others Jack continued to do well and so he decided to move into a new house in Beverly Hills with his faithful valet Rochester boss this house is sure beautiful yes it is Rochester but you know I've been thinking about what well a house isn't really a home without a woman want me to get married never mind and so Jack moved into the home which he still resides at ladies and gentlemen this brings us up to the present and old Jack Benny has won the respect of his colleagues the acclaim of the public and every award that he could possibly achieve he's still the same man that he was when he started out and knowing Jack as well as I do I know that his greatest thrill came one day three years ago in a simple little presentation that the public doesn't even know about and so Mr. Benny from our government in Washington it's my pleasure to give you this she's a thirty seven dollar tax refund and so ladies and gentlemen on this happy note we end our story well Jack that's it Georgie I think you did a wonderful job in presenting my life story and I want to thank you well Jack you deserve thanks Georgie and tonight may be the two of us you deserve it because you've always had an abundance of those three great qualities faith open to Georgie don't get started again if I could have but you're Georgie don't start it for the next 30 minutes look at George I don't want speeches for half hours nearly over now must get down to fundamental Georgie George don't spoil everything you did my life that the substance of all of which nothing else but Georgie look at George this was my life you're spoiling the whole thing oh yeah this is Mabel hello guide to it how are you I got another letter from Sylvester from overseas and is he happy why he says in his letter he's been pushed upstairs yeah now he's got at least 35 guys working under him and looking up to him well when did he get his promotion what second lieutenant what are you talking about guide truth I know he got pushed upstairs he was on the first floor of the barracks and now he's on the second floor he's still a pfc but don't worry as soon as he passes his usafi courses it won't be no time before he's a second Louis or if he decides he wants to go into some kind of business instead all he has to do is write usafi in Madison 3 Wisconsin and they'll send a report wherever Sylvester wants it sent oh this Sylvester he knows a good thing when he sees it then how come he glommed on to me I was talking about you as for resenting that crack let me tell you something oh it looks like it'll have to wait guys with my buzzers flashing so I have to disconnect you I'll let you know when I hear from Sylvester again yeah don't take any wood nickels bye ladies and gentlemen the chief hope of our enemies is to divide the United States along racial and religious lines and thereby conquer us let's not spread prejudice a divided America is a weak America to our behavior we encourage the respect of our children and make them better neighbors to all races and religions remind them that being good neighbors has helped make our country great and kept her free thank you George Balger and John Packaberry and produced and transcribed by him you'd mark as usual Jack Benny and all the gang will be back next week at this same time see you then the United States Armed Forces radio service