 And I was basically told that I was in a tragic car accident. And as a result of that car accident, I lost my sister, I lost my niece, and I lost my sight. Wow. You lost your sister, and you lost your niece, and I lost my sight. Wow, and how long, and I don't wanna stop you, but when this, this not time then went by cause you've been in the hospital. I was in a coma for eight months and 45 days. Wow, and you don't know even though what caused the accident? Yeah, I know now. What was it? It was the driver that caused the accident had epilepsy and should not have been driving and had a seizure behind the wheel and lost control of the car and caused the five car pile up on the highway. Wow, for you to still be. Five car pile up. So the cars are already piled up in front of you? That was a second car in the five car pile up. Oh, okay. So you're losing, now you're losing the only one that you had at the time. And the thing about it is, when you're told something like that, when you're in a coma, you can't move, you can't respond, you can't do anything. Your body's been, you know what I'm saying? Not, you know, so I had no way of responding, but you have to remember, I'm the only family. So there was nobody to come in, you know what I'm saying? You identify the body, do nothing. Nothing. So at the time, people always asked me what was worse. I don't know what to say, what was worse for me was the fact to find out that I lost them, lost my sight of the fact that they were just burning, throwing away, like they were trash. Wow. So a part of me died on that day. So when you learn, when you wake up eight months later and you hear this, they've already did through, pretty much they did not, you don't know where they're buried or hurt or nothing. Nope, and I spent two and a half years of going through rehabilitation therapy. I had to learn how to walk again. I learned how to talk speech therapy. I could pay all this therapy, I had to go in, but ironically, when it came, my son was six at this time. By the time I was done with the therapy, my son was eight and a half. And they gave me nothing when it came to my vision, but a card that I couldn't read. And I'll never forget when I showed up at the house and I couldn't even explain to my son why I couldn't even get from the card to my baby. Wow. Who was taken care of his son during this two years? His father. Okay, so he was still in your life. Okay. Um, so for the next seven years, I say that's the time where I lost myself. I didn't want to live. I thought my life was over. You blamed everybody? I blamed everybody. You definitely didn't have none. I can imagine. That God thing was not something you want to pray about. I didn't want to hear not one person telling me that they wanted to pray. I didn't want to hear it. I literally, I was in my room, I put myself in a prison. I stayed in my room. I didn't want to bathe. I didn't want to, I didn't want to do nothing. I allowed myself to be just a waste of space. But I say within that seven years, however, this lasted probably for about a good two months. I stayed in that room. I didn't want to do nothing. But after them two months, my son, I remember he coming into the room and he put his hand on my leg and he was like, mommy, get up. I could help you. Wow. How was he? He was, my son was eight and a half, almost nine. So this is a cycle really for him too. Right. Let me tell everybody, my son is my hero. Kids always do it. God gives you what you need. And my son is my hero because on that day, the only reason why I got it together was because I knew what it was like not to have a mom that was present. And I never wanted my son to feel that. Wow. Even though I say it was seven years that I lost myself, I'll explain to you why. Within that seven years, yes, his father was there, but it was something about when you're different now and you're not the breadwinner and you're made to feel like you're less than because you can't see. And I was made to feel like I was a burden and he was abusive. Oh, wow. Yes, while I was blind. What did he do to you? He would do things like, you know, he was very, there was adult, he would cheat. He would come in smelling like other perfume. When I would say something, he would make fun of me. I would fall, he would say different things. He was just nasty. But was he that person before this accident? No. He made me feel like I was like nothing now that I couldn't see. So it was just me and my baby. Me and my son, as I was learning how to get through life without sight, my son was growing right along with me. Within that seven years, I self-taught myself, I never had a cane, which is something that you use to get around. I self-taught myself with the help of my son, how to label things, how to get around. But within that time, my kid's father got me pregnant though. Again? Again. So he was still living in the house that you were doing this time? He was still living in the house, cheating, doing whatever he wanted to do. But I was forced to learn this life because I had a baby growing inside of me. And now I couldn't see nothing. So I was using all of these skills to learn how to get through my life now without sight. I learned how to cook again. I learned how to clean with my son. My son was balancing a checkbook. We was doing it. He got creative. We learned how to label bottles with rubber bands. We use sticky, like sticky crazy glue to label different, with the diapers, different things. I was prepping myself. So he knew how to take care of his baby too. But let me ask you a question. How true is it that all your other senses heighten when you start to lose one? It's very true. It's very true. I tell people the smell one, that's a blessing in the curse. Okay. But yes, it was very true. But I had to tap into more of those things. God with cooking, I never measured when I cooked. Thankfully, I always learned how to cook from scratch. So that wasn't that hard. You know, it was smelling, weighing, feeling things, like things like that. And I successfully, I had my daughter. I was told I would never, ever see again. I was the sole person that took care of my daughter. My son had to go to school. So your child's father, he left the house, how long, like you were pregnant at the time? Or after you had a baby? No, he left a while before I even had my daughter. He would go off in his little escapades where he would disappear. So it was just me and my son, you know what I'm saying? And I had my daughter, he had come back around, you know, but I still was the person that was there taking care of my daughter. She was never harmed, nothing. I had her all the way when my daughter was two years old, when she went to a preschool and the people there, they were all from Venezuela. They spoke Spanish to my daughter and they kept her. My daughter, she never was harmed. She was very smart. She's been speaking Spanish in school. I did homework, I did everything. And then I found out about, when my daughter was three, I found out about Baskin-Palmer, I Institute in Florida. Which is one of the number one I institutes in the US. So that is how I ended up in Florida. Because Sunday care, there was a lady from my church that I was going to at the time and she had researched and she told me about it. And it was just like a faith walk. I didn't know nobody in Florida, but my kid's father was originally from Florida. Okay, okay. So he had family out there. All of his family was here. Okay. So that's how I originally came to Florida. Started the journey, I started off in Fort Lauderdale, Miami because it was there, Baskin-Palmer was in Miami. Let me ask you a question, just go back for a second, cause we skipped all that part. But when you found out that you were pregnant, you found you were pregnant with a girl, how was your mental state because I heard when you said she was not, you know, harmed. And for the main fact that you said that, I know there must have been some sort of fear once you found out that you were pregnant with a girl that, oh my God, how am I gonna protect her? How am I gonna make sure what happened to my mom and me doesn't happen to her? Stuff like that. I was severely, severely, when I found out I was having a girl, it was a sense of anxiety that I had instantly, you know? Because my thing was, I felt like how can I give her something I never had, you know what I'm saying? That protection. I didn't need, I never had the protection. And then I didn't feel like I knew what it was like to even be a lady, a young girl. Like, what was I gonna teach her? I didn't, I didn't never have nobody to teach me the basics, you know what I'm saying? Or what if she wanted to do makeup? Or what if she want, you know, that's not nothing I could teach her. It was easy for a boy because I've been, I was a time boy, you know what I'm saying? I knew that, but it was something, but I just, I was very anxious, you know? But I was trying my, I just felt like I just wanted to protect her from everything. And that's part of the reason why I stayed with their father, because he had a family. He had the family I didn't have to give my kids. He came from a big family. He had sisters, he had aunts. And I felt like I didn't care about taking whatever I had to take. I wanted them to have what I didn't have. Wow, so when you guys moved to Florida, it was better for the kids. Correct. And so, but from when you, well, how was you when you, when you went blind? When you, when the car accident? 28. 28 and how old? And so for seven years, you don't look that old now. You glistening baby. So, so how the heck did you, I mean, that don't seem logical. You know what I mean? How old is your son? I'm trying to have with you. Okay, I got it now. I done figured it out now. He was 24. Yeah, yeah, got you. Yeah. Got you. I am proud to say I'll be 43 in September. I'll be there now. I done figured it out. I carried the one on you. I carried the one. I think I don't look like what I've been through. Amen. That's what I say. So, so, okay. So now you, you, you end up having to try, try to understand and learn again. Did you get a percentage of your sight back? Or can you see it all? So that's the journey. So I went to Baskin-Palmer Eye Institute in Miami that started my journey that was in 2018. 2018, okay? So from 2018 to 2021 is very important, okay? So within those years, that is when I learned about visual rehabilitation therapy. So there are schools for the blind. There are literally schools you go to that teach you how to live your life without sight. Everything from learning Braille to using a computer that talks, which allowed me to go back to school and obtain two master's degrees while being blind. Wow, wow, that's great. It allowed me to be able to turn around and teach at Lighthouse of Central Florida, which is a school for the blind. I taught adults and children for three years. Wow. 2018, 1920, all the way up until right before the pandemic, a little bit over three years. And you said children too. So there's a lot of children out here who are blind. Correct. And they're the reason why I stopped feeling sorry for myself. Wow. Because I was able to see perfectly fine for years. I worked with kids who never have seen, who were deaf and blind. And they had joy that was unspeakable. And that humbled me. And within that time of me teaching, going back to school, I was having eye operation after eye operation after eye operation. I had 47 eye operations. Wow. They consisted of injections. I have tubes in my eyes. I've had cataract surgeries. I've had pressure, a total of 47 eye surgeries and five cornea transplants. Wow. How stressing mentally? Very. Because when you, it's painful. They can't give you no medicine, really. Really? You have an eye surgery. So you feel everything? You're a so-called sleep, but some procedures you're numbed, but you're awake. You get what I'm saying? And the pain is excruciating after the fact. When you have a cornea transplant, after you have it, you can't move your head from right to left. You gotta stay completely still for those 24 hours and your eye is bandaged. You get what I'm saying? So within this time, I had a lot of accomplishments, a lot of surgeries, a lot of let downs, because every time they took that bandage off, I had no sight. And they kept telling me, why you keep doing this, why you keep doing it? Because I got faith. I was not gonna accept that I didn't wanna accept that I was never gonna see. Is there a limit on how many surgeries you can do to your eyes? There was. And I was at my limit. Oh, 46. I was at, no, the eye procedures, that didn't count. It was a cornea transplant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many are you? You're only supposed to have three. I've had five. Five. So I never forget Dr. Lugo. I wasn't gonna try no more. I had gave up. I was like, you know what? Within this time, I had accomplished a lot because of the experience from losing my sight and the journey from having to teach myself things. I developed one of the only curriculums in which I was able to go back and educate the birth centers at hospitals on how to prepare moms who are blind and visually impaired. They use my curriculum to teach women breastfeeding different methods. I was able to get my master's degrees. I was able to start my own businesses. I felt like I was able to share my story. And I had shared my story and I had people like Lucille O'Neill brought to sit and I didn't know the power of my story. I had lost my physical sight, but my inner vision to me was shine. So I was like, I'm good. I'm good, I'm all right. But I had got called and they had a cornea of a young, it was a young man who had passed away in an accident and they asked me if I wanted to try one more time. And I remember sitting down with my kids and my son was like, mom, you know, it's up to you. You know, we don't mind. You know, we don't mind as long as you want it, you know? And I looked at my, and I turned to my daughter and she was like, mama, you got faith. It's what God wants you to do. Wow. But one thing through all my struggles, my kids never knew I can't. They persevered in everything that they set out to do. Wow. Because of you? Because, and that made me proud. And so I tried one more time. One more time. And on the way to that hospital to this day, I never forget they was playing a song, Take Me to the King by Tamela Mann. That's how I tamela, yeah, she's good at that. Shout out to Tamela Mann. Yeah. And every word in that song was speaking to me. And I was sitting there and I was prepared for the first, it was like I was just, had a release. I went into the OR, I knew everybody, because I've been there so much, you know? And I laid on that table and my doctor, one thing you need to realize, my surgeon, one of my surgeons was the atheist, when I started with him. And today he a Godfair in me. Come on now. And he would tell you because of me because he has never met somebody who has so much belief. Come on now. Something that they couldn't see. And when I laid on that table and they did the procedure and I went through the 24 hours and we went back the next day. And I told my friend and I said, I want my kids. I wanted my kids there. And I was sitting in the chair and it was like, you ready? I said, I'm ready. I said, either way or go, I'm good. I said, because I walked by faith, not by sight. Come on now. Come on now. And they took the bandage off. And I began to blink my eye. And I was blinking my, they said, kept blinking. I blinked my eye counted seven times. And when I opened my eye that seven times, let me tell you something, I was never so happy to see the color pink on my baby. Come on now. But let me tell you about God. See, God didn't give me 2020. He gave me tunnel vision in my right eye. He gave me enough vision in my eye that I could see my baby girl who I never, ever seen. I never seen my daughter. And you know what that's like to carry a girl or a boy for nine months. And just imagine never, ever seeing your baby face. So when I saw her face, I was happy for that much. And then when I could turn over and see my son that I hadn't seen. Years. Because he was six years old. Let me tell you something. Come on now. Right there on that day, I told, I said in front of them all, I will never, ever complain. Man. See, people don't understand. Sometimes when you praying for something and you asking for something, it don't always mean you gonna get it the way you want it. But he give you exactly what you need. And the, what I had was exactly enough for me to keep on going. And that's what I've been doing. I got out that chair and I haven't never, ever stopped telling people about the faith to the point that I named my company Fight. Which is an acronym. And it stands for faith is getting her through. Cause that's all I ever had. Wow. Faith is getting her through. Yes. Faith is getting her through, man. It dedicated my life to being able to empower, through fight, young girls and boys who are, it don't matter if you grew up like me and you going through something, but it's power and having faith. It's power in empowering them with the necessary resource and real stories. So when I hear people, when you said in the beginning about Melvin and Mark, you don't need, you need real authentic life stories. That's it. That's what reaches. Not these sugar coated cookie cutter stories about, cause everybody don't got them. Yeah. Some people have great lives and don't have to be go through what we go through, but everybody has a story. A story. And if you know your word, look at the word. God didn't use the perfect people. He used the thieves. He used the murderers. The prostitutes. He used the prostitutes. They were some of the ones that did the most miraculous things. So when people look at me now and they say, oh, I'm sorry, I'm not losing my sight was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It took me to lose my physical sight to find my real vision. Man, boy, I'll tell you, you know, Jesus would say things in the Bible like, because you say that you see, you're truly blind. Yes. He didn't use sight as the way that we use. He uses it as the way that you just used it in a way to where it was allegorical. It symbolized the fact of, because you think you this, you're not. And because you're not that, you're this, you know. And that's the part where if you think you, the Bible says, if any man think himself to be wise, let him become a fool that he may be wise. You got to sometime, you got to get out of yourself, get out of your own way. And the thing that you explained is the fact that your spirit has overcome your flesh. That's what you're saying. That you have basically learned how to tap into your spiritual realm and overcome the things that physically may be holding you back. Because you know that that spirit, you say, I walk by faith, not by sight. And that is a spiritual walk. That is not a physical walk. And a lot of time you, people won't look at you and be able to understand that because the natural minds cannot discern the things of the spirit. I'm gonna get out of it, because I get happy. But you see, I always say, I always say everything happens for a reason. That's really what I just boiled everything down to. Because a lot of time when people, you have other people who are gonna go through losing sight or having a child that's born blind. And you can't explain to that child certain things, but you can. Yes. You understand? We human beings, not everybody, some people can actually sympathize or relate to somebody even if they haven't gone through something. And they might receive it from that person, but the majority of people will not receive something from someone unless you've been through it yourself. That you've been through it. How are you going to? How are you gonna be able to tell me I can get through it if you've never walked a mile in my shoes? Exactly. How can I tell you, like I explained in the beginning, I thought this was a death sentence when I lost my sight. You wanna know why? Because I had never seen somebody without sight doing anything. I thought it was just, you know, I never seen nobody doing anything extraordinary. I didn't know you can still go to school. I didn't know you could still work. I didn't know, I didn't know. And I didn't have anything to look at. I knew Ray Charles. I was about to say that. I knew that. I knew that. But look how many decades back that is. That was a long time ago. But it wasn't, that's why I do what I do now. Because of the young people that I work with that had low self-esteem. You know how many young girls I taught at the school for the blind? When I found out that they didn't even wanna go to prom because they felt like they were different or I'm not pretty enough. I'm blind. No, no, no. What are you talking about? We're not doing that. That's not what we're doing. I was never the heels, makeup type of girl. But I said, no, if I have to be the example, I'm gonna show you guys what you can do. That's what led me to becoming the first legally blind model. That's what led me to being Miss Blind Diva USA. That's what led me to becoming the ambassador for the visually impaired. That's what led me to becoming the first legally blind credible messenger. Now I have tons of emails from kids all over, blind and sighted. I was about to say because- It's not just a blind thing. It's sighted too. It makes me proud because they hear my story and you'll hear in a minute the girls I'm here today, I was more happy about coming. This was a blessing to do this. This added to my great weekend. Come on now. I've been on tour. I hadn't even got asleep, but I was gonna show up for my girls today. Yesterday I was proud to be able to stand and watch 12 phenomenal women, young women graduate this mentoring program that I am a part of. Because they have overcame tremendous obstacles but they know their worth. They love the skin they're in now. They're phenomenal. And I'm happy to know that it's somebody like me. I was somebody who was once told I was never gonna be nothing, but excuse my friends, a slut and a murderer like my mama. Wow. That's what they told me. And you wanna know what those same spectators is the ones who's looking at me right now. I know they watching, but look at me now. It ain't what you say about me or call me is what I answer to. And I don't have to fight back with words. I fight with my actions and my work. But you know the hardest thing is our mental space. Yes. We fight against ourself in a mental space. When you're talking about being happy in the skin that you're in, people don't understand that even some of these prettiest women that you see on TV, social media, whatever have confidence if you want it inside. They think that they're ugly. Ugly, fat, all sorts of stuff. But we look at some of these people and be like, oh my God, they're so beautiful. Now I had no problems in the world. But it's all in our mind. So even when you were talking about being in a group home and being raised in foster care, and it was so strange because I was even reading up on Tiffany Haddish the other day because she talked about how she lived in a garbage bag. Even though she was going through from home to home, she would never unpack that garbage bag because she knew she wasn't gonna be there very long. And to be able to live like that, she talked about when she went to prom because she has adult prom that she's doing now with her foundation to offer to people who have never been to prom because talking to people, even actors and actresses is like, well, I was working. I never had the opportunity to go to prom. Or people in group homes who feel like, she's like, she bought a dress from a swap meet and it was like $25 back in the days but it wasn't a dress that's worth nothing or look worth anything, but she made it what it is. But then just to offer that right now where people can really dress up and be a diva and feel pretty, you know what I mean? That's the reason why she started her foundation to help people to feel happy again. And even a birthday party, I never got a party. I never celebrated my birthday. I never blew out a candle, none of that. Your day should be recognized. And I take pride in doing that. With homes back in Orlando, a birthday club, I bring a whole cake, I get cards. Something as simple as that makes a difference. Who doesn't deserve and take for granted. People take for granted every day just for somebody to say happy birthday. I wanna hear about these pageants again. You're gonna fly. I'm in this pageant. I'm in that pageant. I'm in blind pageant. I mean, no, you don't need to break that down because I really, I see you, you look nice. You got your thing on. I'm the sash, I think I'm gonna try out for some. I need you to mix. I got the crown, I just don't have the sash. I don't have the- I'll make you a sash, baby. Okay, I got to win something first. Maybe boss talk, I'm gonna be the winner of the baddest, this the baddest podcast in the world. There you go. I'm claiming it, but I wanna talk about the pageants just for a second. Absolutely. Let's go back to the first one and how you entered it and what made you in it. Okay, so Eyes Like Mine Incorporated, which is a grassroots organization based out of Newark, New Jersey, founded by Crystal Allen and Nikola Wright Prevo, they founded the very first pageant for blind and visually impaired women in the United States. I was affiliated and introduced to them back in 2018. I started off on the planning committee, just helping them, planning the pageants, being their recruiting girls and things like that. And last year, I finally made the decision to actually compete in the pageant, which was actually, to be honest, it was something that I talked about with my brother. It was because it was like something, he was like, you should do it, you should do it. That was the one that I lost. And I had made the decision. I was like, okay, I'm gonna go into the pageant. I'm gonna do this. But like I said, I was never that type, but I wanted to do it for what it represented. It wasn't just, it's not just a beauty pageant. It highlights beauty, but it also highlights the accomplishments that you make in your professional, as well as in your community engagement life. And so I started off in it. I met Dr. Ellen, who is Miss Ghana World. She was our pageant coach. And one of the requirements was to read Queen Latifah's book, Journey to the Crown. That book tremendously changed my life. It really did. And it helped me put a lot of things into perspective in my life. And it actually really resonated that I deserve this just as well as anybody else. About literally a month before the actual pageant, like the actual hole where we went and competed and did everything is when I found out what happened with my brother and I dropped out of the pageant. Wow. I never quit anything in my life, but I did on that day. So he told you to join this pageant. So he never showed any signs that he was gonna do anything. Not to me. And do you think it was foul play? I feel like my brother struggled a lot and there was a lot of things he hid from me. I don't because there was a letter. That was a letter. Okay, he did, right? Yes, that I will explain. I dropped out of the pageant. And one remarkable thing about the eight women who were in this pageant, which were for all over the US. The one was from Jamaica, Philadelphia, California, Texas, Washington, all over. Never knew me, never met me. And they were my, the people I was competing with, they reached out and poured into me and they encouraged me. Wow. And that meant a lot because I didn't know these ladies. And they knew what had happened. And they knew what had happened. And that showed the power of empowerment to me. And I had went through all that and I received the belongings and I had read, it was a note and I read it. And one thing it was thanking me for always being there to try to show a different way. It's a letter that your brother wrote. Yes. Wow. And letting me know how much he appreciated me. And in the end, the letter ended with, go get that crown. Wow. And I remember crying because I had quit. And you didn't want to. I quit. And I'm like, I literally called, I called it at that time. It was late at night and I was like, Crystal, is there any way I can still do it? And she was like, it would be up to Dr. Ellen if she has time to interview you. You would say, we have to do a YouTube video where you do the video and highlight your independence and what you've done. I do community service. So literally I woke my daughter up. It was like two o'clock in the morning, which we were doing this YouTube video. And I literally, the journey to the crown book, I had to finish reading it. I literally got through it. I did everything before the sun shined the next morning. And I waited by that phone for two days and Dr. Ellen was able to fit me in. And I did my interview. And I made it to Newark, New Jersey. And the pageant was on the weekend of my birthday, September 29th, last year. I met these ladies. What's your birthday? September 29th. That's my mama's birthday. Yes. And we had the whole, it's a real pageant. We had the evening gown competition, talent competition. We did a community service event we did. And we had judges from outside that judge the pageant. And I was, it was down to the last, the three, they picked the three finalists. And I remember standing there and I did not know, I didn't know what was gonna happen because let me tell you, these were some phenomenal women that I competed against. So it could have been anybody. Any of them were deserving of this title. When they called my name, I literally, so we were escorted by the West Orange Fire Department, the East Orange Fire Department of Newark, New Jersey. So the whole time I was practicing how I was gonna fake fall so they could catch me. But this really failed probably. I really was wrong to fall, I said this is for real, but words can't explain to me how it felt when I heard my name and when Dr. Ellie, who I admire so much and put the crown. I'm sure she admires you. Yes, she does. And she put the crown on my head and it meant so much to me because I feel like, you know, I was able to look up and I was able to complete a promise, but I was also able to start a legacy, you know, for women in general, not just blind women, visually impaired women, for women in general. Because as what they told me, I symbolize every bit of what women empowerment was. And for them to look at me like that, it meant so much to me. And it was a journey to get to this crown. And that's what I said. And in the book, as I read her book, I always tell people, you know, I came up with my own mantra and I say that it's important, my journey to the crown, it's important for all women to remember, no matter what you have. And I tell my girls, I just told them last night, you hold your head up high and you know your worth and you stay strong and you never allow your crown to fall because we're all queens. Well, I tell you right now, my little crown don't even feel right no more. You don't mess my crown. You don't mess me over with your crown. With all of her teeth. Yeah, I ain't got nothing going. I don't know my, I'm gonna keep my crown down on the bottom. But let me just say this though, for you, the joy you must have felt, even though your brother had passed away, what everything that you guys have went through for him to be able to, you know, write this letter to you, even in the midst of his mental state, he had some issues going on because he still, he still had love. That had to be a hard deal for him to even do that. Yes. And write this letter to you. He loved you enough to say, I still care. And I want you to go get that crown. And then- But he didn't want to leave her in limbo. He didn't want to leave her in limbo. That's the part. He loved you so much for him to even do that. That's a, and for what your family went through, you know, I know how people question this and question that, but man for, I know he went through a lot. Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. That's why, and I got to say this, there's no rehabilitation in locking somebody up to confine walls, man. No, it's not. Because if somebody could have counseled him or really gave him what he needed, he'd still be here, I believe. If he would have been diagnosed and treated. He wasn't treated for having, my brother was diagnosed with Paranoia Schizophrenic in prison. If the mental illness is real. Yeah. And it's important, you know, we don't, you don't know about this, but I'm a very big advocate for mental health. Yeah. Because if it is properly diagnosed and if they are, the medication and the proper counseling and treatments, they can at least have a chance because they battle with their mind. You know, and more needs to be raised. It's not just a white thing, a color thing. More awareness needs to be raised or mental health. More talk needs to be about it. We didn't know what the, you don't hear about bipolar, Paranoia Schizophrenic, manic depression. You don't hear about this growing up and you just think, oh, they bad. It wasn't, it was, it's not always just, they're bad. These are hereditary conditions that are passed down. Do you have any kids? Yes, my brother, yes they did. Even behind bars, my brother has a son and the other one had a son and my other brother has two. I only, one got killed. So remember when I said there was a hit that was put out on you family or in his head. Okay. Part of the reason why we did the gloves up, guns down in Aberdeen, Maryland was as a tribute because I lost one of my nephews due to that retaliation. Cause they couldn't find you there when I found him. Wow. And you knew, and how did you know it was still from that? I was notified. Oh, they let you know. So it's almost like we're gonna let you know we got to take him out because we can't get to you. Right. Was that enough or are they still trying to get to you now? It's still, it's ongoing, but one thing about me, fear is not, you know, and I'm not ever gonna be afraid to not go anywhere to continue to do what I'm called to do. Did they call you on the phone or how did they get the message? It was a message that was sent through someone that knows the situation. That's a neutral person. Okay. Yeah. And basically he said that was in retaliation for what was done. How does it feel to lose somebody you care about? Wow. And this thing happens. So when they put this head out on you, this is 10, how many years later? Almost 10 years. Almost 10. And these are innocent, but didn't have nothing to do with it. Didn't know nothing about it. They don't care. Don't care. Wow. And so how did that make you feel? It's hurtful because... How did you deal with it? I'm still dealing, to be honest. If I can be completely honest, I'm still dealing. I'm still dealing. So they put a head out on you for something your brothers did that stemmed to his son is what happened. When you really think about what's going on. Correct. And so, and they still don't feel just to serve cause they lost one of their loved ones. Correct. But then some people would look at it and would say, well, you should know what you're getting yourself into. I'm not talking about the innocent by standard because that's association, you know? But the person who did, like your brother who did what he did, should people say, well, he should have known what he was getting his whole family into. Don't just think that when you do something, it's going to fall on you because it depends on who you do it to, not going to just come after you. And that's the message I stress when we're going around speaking to the kids. Like when you're trying to live this lifestyle and you want to be, you have to think about the effect. It's not just a decision that's going to affect your life. It's going to trickle down. You know, it does. And for you to go through everything you went through, they knew you went blind. They knew all this, but they was hoping that you would die. Oh yeah. But since you didn't die, they were still trying to carry out their mission. And so here we are years later and they steal, and it's the devil, steal. The spiritual warfare steal is going on where one wants to get in your mind enough to kill you. Yeah. There wasn't an open that she would die because, okay, this is me from a movie standpoint. Oh, here we go. They're not hoping that you would die because when I think about movies and I think about certain things that is like, no, I don't want to die because I'm not a woman. Because I wanted to. You understand what I mean? They don't want this freaking nature to happen. Wow. So I'll say, all right, so how do you get out? I know you're in the GDs. How do you, can you ever get out? I feel like for me, the people say you can never get out, but that for me, I feel like I'm free. You know what I'm saying? That's not a life I live. It's not a life I glorify at all. It's a part of me and who I was at one point. And now I just walk a whole different path, you know what I'm saying? And that's what I choose to do. And even though that was my brother, that was his second murder, he had an attempted murder prior to that. But the beauty of it is, that's the person who he had the first charge against, that was the person I stood on the stage with at Aberdeen, Maryland, and did the event with. And I now call her my sister. Wow, wow. So that just goes to show you that I never condoned anything that was done. I don't condone any of it. So wait a minute, the back cover on that, I gotta get that right. You stood on the stage with the sister of a... No, no, no, the actual, my brother was charged, his second charge was an attempted murder on Angelique Newman. Okay, got it. And she's the founder of Cares Community, Inc. She was, she had flatlined twice, and he got an attempted murder charge for her. At the time I was not, I wasn't in the pitch, I didn't know the details, but I was somebody who was abused and things like that. I don't condone that. I reached out. They were together, they were involved in a relationship? Correct, okay. And something, because of his mental illness and things like that, he was into drugs as well. He, I'm drinking, some things happened. I reached out to her. I offered if there was anything I could do if she needed any assistance. We began to talk. We shared our own hurt with one another, and we call each other sisters, you know what I'm saying? Now you gotta, won't he do it? And yes, he will. And she, it was important to me, so that meant a lot. And when we went there and we stood together on the stage, we told our story, and we're working together. She was in a gang as well. We're working together now to show how you can be able to forgive. What gang was she in? She was in the same gang. Oh, she was a GD? GD. Okay. But I got a question, so okay, so with your brother, you said being in prison and he was diagnosed, at that point when a person who went in there for murder, and now you're diagnosed and they realize that's the reason why all of this, they don't, can't take you back to court, change it to mental illness and put you into a, you know, a psych ward or something that can really get you the help you need to get? It, how does that work? Maybe if you had the proper type of attorney or lawyer, but when you're, when you're coming from, like they say nothing and you're stuck with, my brother had a public defender that only knew his name when he showed up at the court. You know, a lot of times didn't even look over the case. You know what I'm saying? That comes along when you can afford a proper representation maybe, but when you can and you're just stuck with what you're giving, then no. Wow, I just want to say thank you for coming on the show, man. I appreciate you so much. I want to get, I want to get to the point of what brought you to Dallas, Texas now. Natalie Clark is going to be joining us. Would you, would you come? Would you come? Natalie, how you doing today? Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me turn that mic around towards you now. Not, not, yeah, yours. Just turn it to you, yeah. We want to hear you loud and clear. I was talking to one of the bosses talk. Yeah, this is what a bosses talk. Man, how you enjoying the show? You've been sitting back listening. Oh, I know her journey. She shared so much with me and I mean, when she shared with me, I was like, I have nothing to complain about. Wow, nothing. Man, so you guys are here. Miss Natalie, what, what's going on, man? You got, you got some stuff going yourself trying to help some young ladies, right? Right. What's going on? Talk to me about your foundation. I've been in education for 20 years and I've always mentored students within school districts that I've taught in. But during the pandemic, I really reflected on life is short instead of me sitting on my dreams and goals. I'm going to do some things on my own outside of the school district because there's some different things that I can talk about and some different things that I can pour into these girls and to the youth in general that I can't do at the school. That's real. And so I just kind of started putting topics together, things that I wanted to be able to go over that's really important for the youth. I didn't have a team. It was just me. But God gave me a vision and the vision that God gave me was the word strong because I had been praying for, we can rely on the job but we all have a purpose inside of us. And so God kept showing me the word strong and like goddess didn't know her anything about her at the time. I came up with I am striving to reach our next generation. And so that's what strong stands for. And so I just started planning and I just started preparing. And so I didn't know who was going to come on board who was going to help but I knew what God had put in my heart to do. And so I started the girls mentorship and as I started the girls mentorship I started with first of all it's important if they have a mother or guardian or whoever I need to be able to meet them because I wanted them to know where my heart was at what I was set out to do and I wanted them to be on board with it. And so I started with a mother daughter T and I sat down and met with all the moms. And so just backing back a little bit I've never been on Facebook never had a desire to be on Facebook. I do a lot of things just in private because I just have a heart for people in general. And so last year at the beginning of the year I wanted to be able to pour out into young kids to be able to go to college. I grew up with my mother and father. I grew up in a stable home. My father was a high school dropout and my mother was a teen mom. But growing up I never felt like I was missing anything. Whatever we wanted to do I was very smart in school but whatever we wanted to do our parents pushed us. But my father was disabled and my father suffered from mental illness as well. And so but my mother I saw her work hard I saw her go back to college when she had four children and I saw her just keep pushing through but unlike some of my classmates there wasn't a college fund. There wasn't any money set aside for us to be able to go to school. But my mother, people in the community always told me you're smart. There's money out there. You can do whatever you wanna do. So I started the whole thing when I am strong. The first thing I did was me myself I wanted to work and put something together to give a student or student a scholarship for college. And so that's how it all started. And so I had someone that sponsored me and she encouraged me to get on Facebook. So that's how I got on Facebook. That's a really great tool. Yeah so she was like you'll be surprised who you meet and to me it's never about the likes it's never about the comments. Networking. I'm pouring out my heart but I'm networking but really as to, as I was told show what you're doing in private because you never know who you're gonna touch publicly. Yeah and I get it. And I definitely, the part about the likes I kinda had an issue with that because it's okay to get it. It's okay to get the likes. It's okay to get the appreciations as well as it's okay not to get it. You know what I mean? But the fact that you're in the race now that people can see you, that people can be helped. People can be healed. I think that's very important. You know what I mean? And if some likes come with it, we'll take those too. But at the end of the day a lot of times people gonna bypass that kind of information. It ain't a lot of time for everybody. It's the likes that you get. It's the people that God put in your life. It's the yeses that he give you. A lot of times he tell you no through those dislikes and those dislikes will save your life. I don't want you liking, I don't want your breath in front of me. If you ain't got your heart right. That's right. Or if I can't help you to get it right. If we ain't trying to go, look I ain't gonna say how can two walk except they be in agreement. Amen. You see what I'm saying? I can't walk with you if we ain't in agreement. But at the end of the day I'll walk a little piece with you to see where you're headed. I'm not definitely gonna keep walking with you if you're going in the wrong direction that I'm going. So those not likes a lot of times are where God shields you. Keep those things from around you. That hedge of protection is those not liking. Oh, you on boss talk gonna one right now. Right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But it's true though. It is. You don't want everybody around you and God don't want, he wanna protect you and make it to where you can usher and help in others who really truly wanna be helped. Right. Absolutely. You don't wanna waste time. That's right. We won't get this time back today as I told y'all before this interview started. We got to make it count. So I prayed about it and God has really truly showed up today. I thank God for y'all coming on the show. Thank you for having me. So, hey man. So how can people get a hold to you if they trying to get some help, some young girls trying to get help, trying to figure it out? Well, I had made a post and someone in Tampa, Florida, I don't even know who it is to this day. Trina Madness. But saw the post and said this lady Natalie Clark is doing some great work out in Texas. And so reached out to her. I was new to Facebook. So she sent me a message. I didn't respond. She emailed me. I didn't get time to respond before she called me. Hey. And I had about 10 minutes, maybe 12 minutes when the first call came through. And she said, I'm the lady that's been trying to get in contact with you. God does things in threes. This is my third time reaching out to you. And I'm just following what God's put on my heart to do. I wanna be a blessing to you. I love what you're doing. And we went on the top. She shared her journey with me and she said it was someone like you that I needed when I was growing up. So the work that you're doing here in Texas is incredible. And so the topic that I had coming up was loving the skin I'm in that I was gonna do for the girls. And so we talked and I said, do you ever come out to Texas? And she said, oh yeah, I come out to Texas. And so she said, I'll be there in January. I said, oh, it's last minute. I said, but we'll catch each other at some point. And so I told her, she said, no, when's the date? And I said, January the 7th. I said, and my topic that day is loving the skin I'm in. And she said, I'll be there January 4th through 8th and I'll be there on the 7th for you. So I had a whole private event with the girls and their families and other people in the community. And she was there. And she been there every since showing up. She said, sis, I'm here. I wanna pour into these girls. I needed this when I was young. This is my opportunity to be able to give back. And so my Facebook is Natalie Clark. I also have Facebook strong community events. I'm on Instagram and on Instagram, I'm Natalie underscore Clark 07. And you can reach out to me that way. We pretty much collab on a lot of things. And so I'm all about celebrating the girls. I've talked to them about building relationships. Everybody's not meant for you and it's okay. And so I wanted to celebrate the girls for sticking with me through some really tough topics that I've talked to them about and just have a ceremony for them. And so of course, I had a mother daughter branch in March and goddess was supposed to be here. But she had a health scare and she didn't get to make it. And I didn't even flinch because three weeks before that there's another lady here in Dallas that reached out to me, same thing. I saw a post that you did. Keep doing what you're doing. She was adopted. She said, I wanna be able to give back was a blessing to me. And so goddess was like, I'm coming. I'll be there in May. And so last night we celebrated all of those girls and their moms had people in the community invited some other girls that their families are looking for them to be a part of it. How many people turned up? So this year we had 12. And so I wanna keep it intimate because there's a lot of things that I do with the girls and they're getting to be with me on a personal level. And so I don't want it to be over 20 girls. We meet in the Mansfield Arlington area. I have some parents that drive as far as 40 minutes for the girls to be a part of it. And so registration is open. My website is Iamstrongllc.com. And if you go to the mentorship tab the link is there for registration. And it's a nine month program. I do it long with school so that every month that they're in school I am pouring into them and I'm doing something with those girls. And so this weekend, Goddess and I are going over to schedule because she's committed to Iamstrong and she's gonna be there each month, this upcoming year to be with the girls. Wow, that's extraordinary. Man, I tell you what, y'all done blessed my day and don't even realize it, man, just to hear how you guys are something else, man. Man, I tell you, Natalie, man, keep doing a good job with them girls and if you need me for anything, anything, just call me. I'm gonna give you my car and my number. We can find a way to try to bless some things to help some people. Maybe they need some shoes, maybe they need something. And we are in a clothing store, you know, whatever I can do, that's the big deal for me. Let's try to help. And if it's somebody else, just reach out to me. If you reach out to me, I'm gonna try to help. I might can't give you everything but I can show, do what I can, you know what I mean? And so just let me know, if you see somebody that's needing something in need, reach out to me, they go for both of y'all. You know what I mean? And if I can, we can volunteer, we'll volunteer. We'll volunteer if you want us to come talk cause I got a store and this woman here got a store. You know what I mean? I would love to have you at our conference. We know it's your birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna be down there with y'all on my birthday. No, I was kidding. I come on my birthday, I don't trip. But I just wanna say, you know, you guys are extraordinary, man. And, you know, I mean, I just say, man, keep going with what you're doing. You know, you say that she taught you how to pray, right? Yes. Well then, would you please say a prayer for us in this podcast and everything that y'all have accomplished and the ladies that y'all gonna touch going forward? Father God, I just wanna thank you first and foremost for waking us up this morning, Father God. Thank you for life, health and strength, Father God. Lord God, we know that we each are called for your divine purpose, Father God, to be used the way that you want us to be used, Father God. Lord God, I speak a special blessing right now, Father God, over this union. These two individuals, Father God, first and foremost, continue to build them up, Father God, continue to give them the strength to reach the people that they need to reach, Father God, elevate their family, elevate their business, elevate their show, Father God, to continue to move and reach beyond anything they could ever expect, Father God. I ask for a blessing of tenfold, Father God, that exceeds, accedently and abundantly, anything that they could ever ask for, Father God. Lord God, I ask that you continue to strengthen myself, Father God, continue to strengthen Natalie, Father God, to continue to be used as vessels, Father God, to be examples for these young women, Father God, to teach them the value of their words, Father God, and how to be virtuous women in you, Father God. Lord God, continue to bind us all together, Father God. In the true definition of team, Father God, because together everyone achieves more. No weapon formed against us shall prosper, Father God. Lord God, no weapon formed against us shall prosper, Father God, and help us to never leans our own understanding, Father God. In your son, Jesus' name, I pray, amen and amen. Amen, listen, man, I had to get you to pray for me because if you, in a coma for eight months, you know, all kinds of stuff going through what you done been through, I had to have that prayer. You know what I'm saying? Because I know you know how to pray. Don't nobody know how to pray. Yes. You know what I mean? And I just say thank you again. How can people get ahold to you if they're trying to reach out and get you to come to an event or if they wanna donate to your cause because I know you guys, you need money to do the things that you do. Yes, we do. I can be reached on Facebook. I can be found under my name. It is Goddess G-O-D-D-E-S-T-T-H-R-A-I-L-K-I-L-L. I am also available to be reached on my by email, Goddess G-O-D-D-E-S-T, 80 at gmail.com. You can follow me on my fan page, which is 2022, Goddess Johnson, Miss Blind Diva. And on Instagram under the real.goddess-g-o-d-d-e-s-t. For any donations, you can donate to me via at this time, cash app under dollar sign J-O-V-A-N-1715. I'm also a very impersonal person, so you can reach me by phone at 863-272-0390. And from the bottom of my heart, I want to say thank you both very much for having me here. You've blessed me as well. How do you remember all of that? That's a lot of information. Every single one of them is different. I'm like, how you can keep up with all of that? One thing about this life, Queen, you remember stuff at the job home, isn't it? I got to ask you one more thing for all of y'all here. Melvin Farmer, Arthur Lamar, credible messengers. What's going on with that movement? And just break it down to us so we can understand what you guys are planning. Definitely shout out to all of my credible messengers. Melvin, Marv, Coach Rubin. Coach Rubin. Shout out to you all. We just finished our East Coast tour. We are going to be having our West Coast tour coming up starting July 1st through the 12th. You can find us on Facebook under credible messengers. We basically, we share real life stories and perspectives to be able to reach our youth, preventing gun violence and gang violence, utilizing the art of boxing and mixed martial arts as a way of fighting in a more disciplined way. We have credible messengers all throughout the United States that come from extreme backgrounds and are using them in a positive way. We have Jacqueline Montaniz, Catherine Jones, Barbara, Miss Barbara Gaskins out of North Carolina, I'm gonna charge it to my mind, not my heart if I forgot your name, but definitely we're on the move, you know, and that's what we're doing. So look out for us. We got our West Coast tour coming up real soon and we are doing some tremendous things in the lives of our youth. Yeah, I've seen you guys on a few different videos and pictures. Yes. You guys were down there dealing with, what did, just give me some details on the two stop shell, mate. Yeah, of course. We were out in North Carolina with Congress. She ran for Congress, Barbara Gaskins. We did an event out there where there'll be starting a program, Gloves Up, Guns Down program out there. We also went to, like I spoke earlier, Aberdeen, Maryland with the Department of Health. We did a partnership with Raising Awareness on Mental Health, a collaboration with them, and we did the whole Gloves Up, Guns Down presentation. We had some of our youth advisors out there and our mentees that are in the program demonstrating the boxing and mixed martial arts. We also got a chance to go out to Miami, met up with Muhammad Ali Jr., who is a credible messenger as well. We were out in Spanish Harlem with Hector Camacho Jr. Shout out to him, a credible messenger. They renamed the street in Spanish Harlem after his father. So that was a great experience to do out there. We visited the gym, Maestro Gym, I believe it was. Yeah, I've seen that. We met one of the oldest ghetto boys, I believe it was, out there. That was an amazing experience. Oh my God, also shout out to Tanya in Miami. We were out there. She's doing some great work with the young lords out there, which is another group that does boxing and MMA. So we were definitely all over. We got a chance to take some of the kids in the program who may have never been able to experience. We went to the Everglades. We made a stop there. They got to see Alligators. We got to really go. We went to Philly. We got to visit Rocky's house, one of Rocky, the fighter house that was there. That was a great experience. And when they shot the movie Creed, we actually got an opportunity to go back there at that location and we're gonna be doing an actual gloves up, guns down event right there. So that was absolutely amazing. So yeah, we had a great East Coast tour, some great collaborations. Everywhere we went, they showed us love and we were really, really honored to just be a blessing. Man. I know he tried to see you there. Yeah, he's trying to see how we went. I already know. Yeah, we down for two days and then we go to New York for the renaming of Benji, somebody street. Do you get rest? Dang. Sometimes. She's gonna get rest. I do. I slept really good in my sister's house. I had some peaceful sleep and then I'm asleep for the next two days. You travel by yourself or you travel with somebody? I usually travel by myself. Oh, okay. Don't need no air, to do this. I got my cane and I use my apps and I know these airport, I know Dallas airport like the back of my hand or Orlando airport like the back of my hand, New Jersey, those are ones I frequent. And you can see, you can see how much percentage. I have tunnel vision in my right eye only. I have no vision in my left eye, no peripheral. So tunnel vision mean like. So if you take a ballpoint pen and take the end off of a pen and look through it, that's how much vision I have. So you can see some more. A little bit. Yeah, so you probably can see how handsome I am. Thank you. That'll help your eyes right there now. So you can see far. Yeah. I can see that through that circle of vision. I can see crystal clear through that circle of vision. No, I thank God for you, man. I love to put smiles on people's faces, man. And I just want to say thank you guys for coming on the show, man. Hey, man, listen, man. I think, hey, listen. It's been another great segment. A boss talk on the one. A boss talk on the one, what a boss is talk. And we are.