 If you find that you're someone who secretly has this rage about other people because you're always getting screwed or the short end of the stick, then this video is for you because chances are your relationships are often one-sided. What's up you guys? Alex Hein here over at Modern Health Monk. So before we jump into this video, I've put together a free journaling worksheet to reflect on whatever your dream life is and what you want to build. It's the first link right below this video and we'll go through some concrete exercises for designing your dream life going forward. So check it out right below this video. Now the first sign that your relationships whether they're love or personal are always one-sided is that in general you feel like you're anxious and you're the chasing one. Now it may be in romance where you always feel like you're on edge, like you have this fear of losing somebody or even in business where you feel like again, you're chasing them down, you're always doing the work, you're always have this kind of feeling inside of you that it's whatever they're giving you is not enough and that you are the one in pursuit. Chances are that it is a one-sided relationship whether it is love or friends or business. The second sign is that you're the one usually starting the conversation. Now the conversation in romance could be we have a problem, can we work on this or at least talk about it? It could be something as simple as this is what's bothering me, can we talk about it? In friendship, it could literally be you're the one always asking the other person to hang out and it's always you reaching out, always you being like what are we doing this weekend? It's always you being like hey want to grab dinner? It's always you and you're like when are they going to reach out? It doesn't really feel like it's two-way street. The third sign is you're the one who's growth-oriented or getting better. So very often in relationships you'll have one person who's always getting better and one person who maybe isn't and certainly in romantic relationships it tends to be a one-sided relationship when you tend to see one person let's say the girl who's always like let's do this babe let's try this new thing let's get this new food let's go to this restaurant or specifically growth-oriented let's do a class let's do a challenge let's do something that's unique and growth-oriented and getting better and if you're always bringing up the growth chances are it's one-sided and you're the one who's carrying the team that could also be in business or in friendship where again you always have to do the work effectively you're always organizing you're always bringing up the hard conversations you're always it's you who is always in other words now another sign that your relationships are one sided is that you value what people say and do but they don't in a romantic relationship this can purely be that you know your girlfriend said that she loves when you do this and so you do it a lot but when you say I love when you do this she doesn't do it a lot that's also one-sided because she's taking you for granted for example or in friendship it could be you know what we always go to your part of town which is like 20 or 30 minutes away can we go to my part of town for dinner one night and 90% of the time you're driving 30 minutes to where that person lives because it's more convenient for them so that is one-sided right they're thinking more about their own needs than yours and again this bleeds into my last point which is that they are primarily making decisions from their own needs and not the needs of other people so if you find that people are prioritizing where to go to dinner geographically what to eat for dinner because it's what they want or price point super cheap or very expensive because it's what they want to do and not what other people want to do or where to go on vacation or when to go on vacation or what to do during the weekend it's always what they want instead of you your relationships are probably one-sided so these signs are probably familiar to you if this is happening in your life but what do you actually do about it the first thing I would say is whether it's romantic or it's personal just being aware of attachment styles is very useful so there's a book called attached that's one of the more modern popular books on attachment theory and one thing I would like to say is that many of us fall into this kind of anxious avoidant trap which is where people who are more anxious are more prone to people pleasing and people who are avoidant don't really give a shit about people pleasing and so very often these two types end up being paired because the anxious is trying to get something from the avoidant and the avoidant is trying to get away from the anxious person so it could purely be your boss is avoidant and wants to be alone to get things done and you want a lot of feedback or a lot of advice or something to do please tell me do this what should I do you need advice the person wants to be left alone so it creates this ancient avoidant dynamic romantically the ancient avoidant is a cliche the sweet girl that's dating the asshole guy is a classic anxious avoidant match where he doesn't want that much intimacy she craves deep intimacy so the more he pulls away the more anxious she gets and chases and it creates an unhealthy dynamic where both people are ultimately not fulfilled and certainly do not create any healing or any psychological empowerment or evolution so understanding where you are regarding attachment style affects you both personally and professionally now the second thing is being aware of self-confidence because for example people with lower self-confidence a lot of the time tend to be more pleasing than people with high self-confidence unfortunately because a lot of people with high self-confidence don't feel like they have to fit in to be liked they don't feel like they need to be liked and frankly they are more likely to be assertive and do what they want as opposed to feeling anxious and wanting to fit in and please and caring what other people think now it's not a one-to-one correlation but very often a person with a strong sense of self with a secure attachment style doesn't strongly care what other people think and so they're more free to live and do what they actually want which will lead to you getting really more of what you need in your personal life and your professional life so you're a lot less likely to tolerate bad behavior if you have healthy self-esteem and that's really the bottom line for self-esteem but in my opinion the bottom line is always going to be the same if you feel like you're someone who's not getting what they want and certainly someone who's not being prioritized then chances are there are a lot of things to be aware of it could be all the other person could be all you or realistically some combination of the two so what I think is the most important thing is always the same which is always to be working on yourself in every quadrant of life because the more you upgrade your skills your mindset your finances your fitness the more you're always collectively working on yourself the more you're going to be a desirable person whether that is in the boardroom or that's in the bedroom and the more desirable you are the more other people will respect you and admire you and admire and listen to what you say and what you do so the bottom line being that people are more inclined to pay attention to you and therefore respect what you're saying instead of devaluing it so those are the three things I'd recommend if you find that a lot of your relationships are one-sided always looking in and self-evaluating and seeing what you can work on alright guys that's what I have for today check out the journaling worksheet below this video and I'll see you soon