 So the 21 convention Miami, we are here to experience yet another amazing coach, philosopher, guy who works with men on a different level of teaching them to open up, connect, use themselves from within and protect it out to the world. He's from thefearlessman.com. Mr. Brian Bayesian. Thank you. Thank you. I need to have him introduce me all the time. I like the part about the philosopher that was kind of nice. So how's everybody doing? Good. Y'all have a good lunch? Yeah. Yeah. Energy looks a little low. We'll see if we can bring that up a little bit. Now who's a, has anybody seen me speak before? A couple of you? Robbie. Okay. I have one guy in here that's missing. I want him in here, but he'll probably show up later. Okay. I'm going to tell you a little bit about me, but I'm going to keep it really short so I can dive right into the talk because I've only got an hour and I do like to talk and so I need to kind of cut that down. So I started out extremely shy, super shy to the point where, who's sort of a gorophobia? Anybody? Okay. A gorophobia basically means you don't want to leave the house. And when I started this journey, that's basically where I was. I didn't want to leave the house. I was scared to death of people. I was scared to death to go out in public and kind of socialize. I couldn't talk to anybody hardly. And that became my mission in life. When I, when I graduated high school, I realized that if I didn't do something about this, I was going to spend my, my life miserable and alone. I looked at a lot of people that I knew in my life that were had lives like that as I got older and it just, it scared me. And so a lot of this journey for me was about fear in the beginning. It was about stepping through fear and the fear of becoming what I envisioned for my future was greater than the fear of what I had to face. And that's what got me started. Who's been down that road? Where you're kind of scared to, it's a good place to be because at least it gets you moving, right? And so I had to sell all my video games, my computers, my D&D, all the stuff I did with my really introverted friends and I started this journey. I read every personal growth book I could find and I did that for like 10 years. The problem was, and this was the big problem, was that my life was not changing. Not changing the way I wanted it to. I had a lot of knowledge. I could talk a good game. I could tell people what they could do in their lives that changed their lives. And a lot of people changed their lives, but my life wasn't changing. And I didn't understand why. And it wasn't until I figured out, like years later, I stopped reading all the books and I started actually taking action. It started with me going to a hypnotherapy college and I spent a year in this college where we actually spent a lot of time not reading, not studying, but learning to feel. Going to relate to what we were feeling inside and shifting our emotions. And then I continued on with various teachers, some of whom Robbie knows about back there. And that's when my life really started to change. That's when huge shifts started to happen. And so I remember this period in my life where I had recently moved into a yoga community. I figured I wanted a complete change. I wanted to completely throw everything out the window and I'd always had this idea that I needed to be safe. I needed a good job. I needed to have my cubicle job. I needed to have my good retirement. I didn't want to rock the boat. My family was always saying, don't take any risk. Be safe. And I reached a limit with all that. I'd been studying a lot, learning a lot, working really hard. And I decided to take this risk and I got rid of everything I owned. And I moved into this crazy yoga. I call it the yoga cult now. But it was a yoga community. You had one bag of stuff, the whole bit. And I spent a year of my life there. And I thought to myself when I moved in there that I'm a really spiritual guy. I'll meet a nice cute spiritual yogini. This is where I'll shine because I study so much spirituality. I study so much knowledge. These girls like me. The problem was that when I got in there, these girls didn't like me. They saw me as a project to be fixed. And I couldn't understand why that was. These girls looked at me as still, like there was still something not right about me. But I'm like, I'm just like you. I'm a spiritual guy just like you. And they still weren't attracted to me. And this is the part that really got me was this guy moves in. Now he had no place to go. He had just got out of jail. He had no car, no money, no job, and he's on parole. And what do you think happened? Every girl in there wanted him. He was a magnet for every one of these spiritual girls. They chased him. I had a really good friend, Kathy, who used to hang out down there with me a lot. And the moment she saw him, she went nuts. And she's like, she couldn't get enough of him. She talked about him constantly. And she kept saying, Dan this, Dan that. I want to hang out with Dan more. And I didn't get why this was. And I would ask her, I'd pull her aside and say, what is it about him? Is he better looking than me? And what's going on? And she said, no, he's not really better looking than you. It's just that he's got this energy. He's got something about him. And I didn't understand what it was. So I decided I could either hate this guy, which I did for a little while, or I could actually become his friend. And so I ended up doing something that was probably pretty stupid, if you look back on it, was I moved into a three-bedroom apartment with him and Kathy. And again, he's on parole, has no job, no money. But I said, fuck it, I'm going to do it anyways. So I want to see what it's like to be around this guy all the time. And when I moved in with him, it was really interesting, because he gets on a match, he borrows the money to get on a match, and there's one girl after another coming over to the apartment all the time. And I hear him giggling and laughing. I hear him arguing with him. I hear him saying stuff that I would never say. I hear him being cocky. I hear him being arrogant. Yet these women love him. And I couldn't understand why that was. And what I didn't realize at the time was that I was your consummate, nice guy. I was nice to a fault. I didn't want to rock the boat at all. I didn't want to upset anybody. I didn't want to bother anybody. I didn't want to push anybody's boundaries. So I was always trying to get rid of all the tension in any conversation and make everything smooth all the time. Anybody guilty of that? It sucks, doesn't it? Because when you take all the tension out of a conversation, what happens? You make it boring. You become boring. You become uninteresting to women and other people often. And so that's the problem that nice guys have. They're kind of in a catch-22. And so my life went on, and I want to add this one story. I don't usually talk about it, but it was interesting because we were talking about Jason Savage earlier. So who knows Jason Savage, anybody? He's kind of a legend in the 21 convention. You guys should look up his YouTube talk for 21. But he comes over, and I've been living there a while, and I got to know Jason and a bunch of other people. And so Jason comes over. Now, Jason could be my brother. I've been told this many times. He's about my height. He looks like me. He's built like me. And Kathy is 5'11". She's in Amazon. She loves to wear heels. She'd always say, I could never date you, Brian. She'd poke at me all the time. I could never date you, Brian. You're just too short. And she'd just say this stuff randomly to me. And at the time, I didn't understand what was going on. I'd just get frustrated. I'd be like, fuck you. Just leave me alone. And so Jason comes over one day. She meets him. She talks to him for 10 minutes, turns to me, and goes, I'd fuck him. Now, my mind immediately goes, wait a minute. He's the same height as me. He could be my brother. He looks just like me. There's something wrong with this here. And that's when I really sat down and thought about it. And I said, it's really just energy. It's, again, it's about who you're being and not what you're doing, because I had the proof right there. And it kind of shocked me at that point. So looking at all this, what I was doing at that point was I had reached my limit. And it was time for me to break fear of fear. I was afraid of fear. That's why the company is called The Fearless Man, because I'm always facing more fear. What can I do to step to the next level? How can I step into more tension all the time? How can I keep moving in that direction? Because that's what grows the masculine. Now, I had a teacher who knows you, David Nagel. Anybody know? I like to credit anybody if I can. OK, David Nagel is a business mentor. He was a business mentor of mine. And he said something that was really important to me once, and it really kind of affected me huge. And he said that he called it the curse of the middle class. And he was talking about what the middle class values of everything else. And I kind of already mentioned it. Can anybody guess what that is? Security, stability. The middle class always says, what do they say? Get a good job. Get a good retirement. Don't rock the boat. But as a man, what do you want to do? You want to go out and pursue a dream, right? You want to go out and make something happen. I'm going to go start a business. I'm going to go, I don't know, climb a mountain. I don't know what it is. I'm going to become a race car driver, whatever it is. But whatever you want to do is going to involve stepping into fear, i.e. tension. It's going to involve stepping into tension. And can you see that that's always going to be stepping out of this comfort zone? That's always going to be risking something, not chasing security, but doing the opposite. But yet, if you're in the middle class, and I'm assuming most of you are, then your programming is, don't rock the boat. And this is where men today are losing their sense of purpose, losing their sense of passion. You see, we crave tension. And we've lost the reality of that. We crave polarity, which is what tension creates. We crave it so much that we have to go get regular doses of it, especially if we don't have it in our lives. Like, for example, how many of you go to the movies and love movies that have a lot of tension? Action stars, things like this in it. Who goes to watch movies all the time? Reads books, things like this. What's happening in those movies? You're getting your dose of tension. You might watch a movie where, you know, that latest born movie where he kicks ass, right? And then you leave the movie wanting to learn martial arts, wanting to learn to kick ass. And that lasts for about a day. And then your life goes back to being numb again, because you don't want to step into tension. You want everything to be easy. But if you learn to be uncomfortable, you're going to have a very easy life. If you're chasing an easy life, you're going to be very uncomfortable, because we need that tension to feel alive. Now, nothing grows without tension. Nothing grows without tension. Think about it. Even a seed, if I put a seed in the ground and bury dirt on top of it, it has to break through the shell. It has to dig roots. It has to grow upwards. It has to grow into a tree, right? And that's done under tension. That's done under pressure. It has to fight its way through the dirt, sometimes through rock, sometimes through concrete to become a tree, through seasons, through weather. But in that, that's what makes it what it is. And that's what grows it into a tree. Well, it's the same thing with humans. I mean, think about sex. Sex is tension, right? And then the resolution of tension. How about sperm? Who's read the book Sperm Wars? Did you guys know that sperm actually battle? There's sperm that actually have different mechanisms for battling to be the one to inseminate the egg, I think, as that works. And it's pretty crazy stuff. And then it passed a bus through the wall of the egg. And then a baby grows in nine months in a womb and is born through the birth canal. The first thing it experiences a lot is a lot of tension. Learning to walk, learning to talk. And then there's this weird thing where we become an adult. We graduate from high school or college. And then we want to stay the same and stop growing. But the nature of life is growth. You can't stop growing or you start dying. Life is more, right? Every day you're going to have more experience of life. You can't get away from that. If you're focusing on making money, maybe you'll have a greater experience of making money. If you're focusing on the fear of losing money, maybe you'll have a greater experience of poverty every day. And that'll grow. But the experience grows. The experience you have in life grows. So if you're looking for a way to meet women without experiencing tension, without going through fear, or to build a business, or to make sales, it's never going to happen. I run into a lot of people that say, I worked for a company that did this. They would say, after this weekend, you're going to be one of the most sexiest men in the world in the top 1%. And it's a crock of shit. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes stepping and attention. It takes resolution of tension before you grow and evolve into the man you're going to become. The same thing as building muscles. You've got to learn to step into tension to build muscle, right? But how many of you are trying to find a way around the tension? How many of you are trying to find a way that, like, if I get just the right formula, I can figure it out. And then I'll step to the other. And then I won't have to go through all that pain. But you don't realize it's that pain that makes you who you are. Now, think of any successful, who has somebody they admire that's really successful? Give me, Brian, give me one. Thank you. That's my favorite one. Does Richard Branson step into a lot of tension? Yeah. If you read his autobiography, he started his first business in high school, Student Magazine. And he would go after high school to a pay phone. He would pick up the pay phone, call the operator, tell her he lost his money in the pay phone. She would then place his call for him to the person he was trying to sell an ad to for his magazine. And it sounded like he had an, excuse me, a secretary. So she would say something like, I got Mr. Branson on the phone. I want to put him through. And he's really a high school kid. They have no idea he's a high school kid. And he was selling ad space in a magazine. That's how he started. Now he's worth about $7 billion, I think. And if you read that book, it's called Losing My Virginity. In that book, his whole childhood, his parents raised him to walk right into tension. Take risks. Do it again. Keep moving for it. Keep going for it. And they didn't stop. Who's somebody else? Who's somebody else that's successful you really admire? Anybody? Elon Musk. Elon Musk. Does he step into a lot of tension? Did he not almost lose everything, creating Tesla? Almost everything. So if you think you're going to become successful without stepping into tension, it's really unlikely. This is a realization you've got to get in your head. Now, I want to add a caveat to that. A lot of people step into tension a lot and don't get success. Is there anybody in that room that does that? Anybody right now? OK, not many. Every once in a while, I run into a client who bulldozes. He's just like plows. And he's pushing, pushing, pushing, but his life's not changing. And if anybody's like that in the room, there's a reason for that. You're stepping into a lot of tension, but you're not developing what happens as we call it state pumping. When you state pump up, pump, pump, pump, pump all the time, and you're no longer feeling, you're no longer in relationship to your emotions while stepping into the tension, you don't grow. You actually go backwards. You have to stay relearned. You have to learn, like here's your line. I'm going to step across it. I'm going to get used to this. Then I'm going to step across it, and I'm going to get used to this. Because if I try to jump, like I call it jump in the Grand Canyon, if I try to jump that Grand Canyon and jump way over there, what's going to happen is it's going to be so much tension. My whole nervous system is going to shut down on me. It's going to be like a circuit breaker popping, and I can't grow anymore. I'll actually go backwards. And I see a lot of people doing that. They go out in state pumps, state pumps, state pumps, especially guys going out learning to talk to girls, and they're not feeling. They're going up to girl after girl, talking to her with no emotional connection, blasting her with all this emotion, and then wondering why they're getting rejected by one girl after another. Anybody have that experience? So it's about developing a relationship to your nervous system in relation to tension. And that tension's got to be in flow. We call it tension and resistance when you're not in flow with it. So a lot of you have massages, right? So everything is tension. If you get too weak of a massage, it sucks, right? It's not enough pressure. If you get too strong of a massage, it hurts. Like you don't want that anymore. But if you get that just right, doesn't it feel good? That's that tension in flow. That's that tension in just the right spot. That's where you grow. That's where you get stronger. That's where you get more powerful. So to really bring this point home, and then I'm going to jump into something else, I want to talk a little bit about a TED Talk. There's a TED Talk by Kelly McGonagall. It's about 17 minutes long. Has anybody seen it? How to make stress your friend? So for the purpose of this discussion, stress and tension are the same. So in this TED Talk, she's a health psychologist and she talks about how throughout her whole career she had been telling people to get all the stress out of their lives. They got to get the stress out of your life. It's going to kill you. And she came to the realization one day that she had been telling everybody all wrong. It was because of this study. The study was done over eight years. They studied 30,000 people. They asked all the people, do they have a lot of stress, medium stress or little stress in their lives? And do they think stress is bad for them or good for them? And at the end of the eight years, two groups stood out. The group that said they had a lot of stress and the stress was bad for them. And the group that said they had a lot of stress and the stress was good for them. The group that said the stress was bad for them had the most deaths, most illnesses, most problems, most challenges in their lives. The group that said they had the stress was good for them, had the most successes, the greatest, the best health, the most gains over the eight years. In both cases, they had a lot of stress. The only difference was what? Somebody say it. Mindset. Mindset. So she came to the realization that the belief stress was bad for you was the real problem, not the stress itself. And then when you change the belief, and they actually did studies on their hearts, when they changed the beliefs the way the capillaries respond, it was completely different. When they thought the stress was bad for them, they would close up and tighten. When they thought the stress was good for them, they would open and actually oxytocin would go into the body, causing them to relax more, causing them to grow, causing a whole different response in the heart. So stress really isn't the problem. It's that relationship to stress. As you become, and I liken it to building muscles, as you become good with tension, which is what builds masculine, masculinity, which builds your attractiveness, as you become good with tension, you start to become more attractive to the world. You start to become more powerful to the world. Who in high school gets all the girls, right? Do the nerds get the girls? Who? Somebody say it. Jocks. Jocks, right? Do Jocks have a good relationship to tension? Yeah, you have a better on average than the nerds, right? How about artists? That's another group that sometimes gets the girls, depending on the artist, right? But artists also, they're stepping into a lot of it, which is the next piece I'm going to talk about if I have time here is the vulnerability piece. When you're good with tension and you add this little bit of vulnerability, this ability to feel emotions and relate. I'm not talking about like, I'm not talking about fake feel emotions through routines and stuff, but actually feel people's emotions. It changes everything. But if you start to feel emotions without the tension piece, it doesn't work. You become needy and insecure. You see, it's just like, think of a hose. The hose itself is the tension. Inside the hose is the water. It's the emotion. So as I start to feel tension with you and I relax, I start to feel more emotion inside that tension. It's the conduit for me to you to connect. And you can actually build this skill. I can just start connecting to you and dropping in and feeling you more and more, relaxing with you. Can you feel that difference? Can you feel it? So it changes everything. It's actual skill that you can practice. And it's who you're being before you say a word. It's who you're being before you go out there and start figuring out what to say. It comes from your core inside. It's before you even move a muscle. Hi, this is Brian from thefearlessman.com. Thanks for watching my talk. I hope you're enjoying it. If you click the link below, you'll get a free chapter from my ebook, Fearless with Women. And thanks and enjoy the rest of the video. And when you change your beingness, then the words don't matter that much. A hi to somebody who's nervous and insecure. Hi, how are you? Feels like this. How you doing? Nice to meet you. Something like that. There's a million variations of it. But when you drop down and relax and say hi, it has a whole different effect on the people around you. This is why you're never going to find the right words if you haven't worked on your nervous system. You're never going to find the right things to say. It's just not going to happen. Because until you change who you're being at a core level, deep down inside, you can say all the perfect things, just like your buddy who's great with women. And it's still not going to work. This applies to sales. This applies to building a business and training employees, because there's a masculine and feminine in everything. If I'm the salesman, most likely the person I'm selling to is going to be the feminine and we're going to go into a dance. If I'm the CEO of a company, my employees are going to be the feminine. We're going to go into a dance. So this changes every part of your life. For me, it's changed my health, because I was extremely sick. It's changed my income, because I grew up in a very poor family. It's changed my relationship to women. It's changed the way I view women, because I had a lot of anger and bitterness towards women for years. And now I just think women are fucking amazing. And the women that show up in my life are amazing. They're awesome giving people. Because I've shifted that whole reality in this area. So men are built to be grounded. You're built to be masculine. You're built to be solid. And I want to promise you, you can all be good with women if you want to step into the tension and learn about it. How do I know this? Because of the law of polarity. Who's heard of polarity? Law of polarity. It's an unfailing law, right? It's everywhere. Where there's an up, there's a down. Where there's a left, there's a right. If a stick is four feet from left to right, it's four feet from right to left. To have something in the physical world, there has to be polarity. That's why we have men and women, masculine and feminine. If you're a man, and you're built to be masculine, then you're built to attract feminine women. That's polarity. Polarity attracts its opposite. The problem is, if you're not attracting the women you want in your life, just like women are built to attract men. If you're not attracting them, there's something between you and your natural ability that you are designed to do. It's not about so much learning a bunch of fancy techniques. It's about stripping away the bullshit that's going on inside you that keeps you from naturally polarizing and pulling that energy towards you. It's getting rid of those stories and understanding what it is and kind of letting it shine. Does that make sense to everybody? Awesome. So I believe every one of you can be successful. I work really hard to help my clients be successful. We put out a lot of free information on the YouTube channel for this reason. And it's really about you deciding you're going to choose it and go get it. But to go get it, you have to step into that tension again. And it's going to be uncomfortable. You have to move in ways you've never moved before. You have to do things you've never done before. And in that, you grow new muscles. You grow new abilities. And it's about a feeling, not a thought, not an idea, but it's an actual feeling that you feel with other people. When you're doing it, you feel the tension. You feel the tension from another person. And that's where you grow. A lot of you do it, like I talked about earlier, with your heads down, closed, pushing, forcing. And that won't work. So I really want to illustrate this point today. Because a man that's great with tension just has a whole different set of sub-communication. He has a whole different way of communicating with the world. He has a whole different way of connecting with people. And you guys have all talked about sub-communication before, right? Micro expressions, sub-communication, all that kind of stuff. Well, we're constantly affecting everybody around us. Who's heard the statistic that 97% of communication is non-verbal? When you're good with tension, it changes. When you start to get really good and enjoy the tension, like a dance, a good dance has tension in it, right, guys? Like, you need that tension. If I'm going to do, let's say I'm going to do a tango or something like that. If I don't have the tension from the woman, the dance collapses. I can't do it. It doesn't work right. And so a good dance has tension. Every bit of connection, whether you're selling somebody, dating a girl, whether you're flirting, whether you're seducing, all has tension in it. And there's this flow of tension back and forth. You can actually feel it. It's not something you think about. It's something you feel. Anybody in here surf? Anybody in here do a sport? You have to feel the surfboard, right? Even the guys that don't surf know this. You can't think about surfing and do it. It has to become part of your nervous system, right? I can't sit here and think, move this way, move this way. It's impossible. I'd fall right off the board. Same thing with martial arts, right? If you're sparring, if you're thinking you're going to get hit. Well, it's the same thing with flirting. It's the same thing with dancing. It's the same with communicating. I mean, I remember the days early on when I'd have a whole, remember the routine stacks, right? And I'd have them all in my back pocket, all the things to say, how to say them, what I should say, when I should say it. And I'd go in the bathroom, and I'd start reading through it and trying to figure out all the right stuff to say. And then I'd come back out and say it. It doesn't work because I'm not dealing with the actual feeling aspect, the dancing aspect. Once you've got that, you don't need any of that stuff anymore. You have to train your nervous system to feel it, though. So I want to talk about this subcommunication for a minute because it's super important. Now, I want to play with it a little bit so you can realize how deep it goes. Because when you hear that idea that only 7% of communication is words, and 93% is nonverbal, it seems kind of far-fetched, right? Does it? I hear a lot of people say that, but a lot of you guys still keep focusing on what do I say? What do I say? How do I say it, right? Well, how do I say it's probably more correct? And so we want to play with that a little bit. I'm going to invite Giselle up here real quick. Everybody give her a round of applause, please. OK. Do I have a volunteer? It's really simple, by the way. You're not going to do anything too crazy. Anybody? Awesome. So give him a round of applause for coming up. I'm going to help you stand right here. OK, all you're going to do, did I have you do this last time? No. OK. So take one more step back. So all he's going to do is he's going to walk up, and he's just going to say hi to her, shake her hand. And I want you guys to notice how you feel when he does that, not what you think, not what you analytically think he did, what work didn't work, but how you feel inside when he does that. Notice how your body feels, because that's more how women think, right? Women look, and they go, what do I feel from this guy? They don't sit there and go, what do I analytically think about him? That's the difference. So pay attention to how he makes you feel. OK, go. Hi. I'm Neil. How are you doing? I'm fine. Great. Nice to meet you. So how did he feel, guys? You give me the feedback first. Anybody? Say it again a little louder. I like it, he's having fun. OK, anybody else? Comfortable. Comfortable? It's a laugh. OK, what did you say? Happy. Happy. OK, I'd say all that's true. Come on, come on. How do you feel, do you? Great, eye connection. It was, it was, it was, it was decent. Cures, I don't know. Did you feel, now the question I would have is, how much of his masculine did you feel? Percentage. Yeah, did you feel a lot of his masculine, or did you feel, did you feel sweet? Did you feel nice? Sweet. Sweet. So it would he be, from a feminine perspective, would he be sexually attractive? Or would he be, OK. OK, so that's, that's the problem I saw. You also, after it was over, you bailed on it really fast? You were, you got nervous, nervous, nervous, then you turned towards me really fast and bailed on her. So come, come up here a little bit. Do you remember doing that? Step forward. You can get a little closer. She won't bite. OK, now I want you to look right in her eyes, straighten your head for me. Straighten your head. There you go. Now, feel your heart. Relax that smile a little bit. Relax right here in your cheeks. Right here, relax right there. Awesome, there you go. Now, feel the tension. Find that tension. Are you finding it? Good. Now, come down to your gut right here. Feel it right here. Now, ask your body to connect to hers right from your gut to hers. Like if you could feel, there you go. Lower your head a little bit more. Now, narrow your gaze. Now, in that tension, while feeling here, say hi for me. Hi. Now, say hi into her a little bit more like as you're going to penetrate her with your high. High. OK. OK. What was the difference? No, now I feel him. OK. She's never done this before. I just met her today, so how'd that feel? Like the moment that we step, like it's immediately sexual. It's all like, hello? It's immediately. First of all, just the fact that we're close. You could have been farther back. You step farther back. You can still do it farther back. I just had to step close because I knew I was going to push your boundaries. Because I wanted to push your boundaries so you'd feel a lot of tension, so you could learn to relax in it. Because what you were doing, you cocked your head sideways. Yeah, that's more feminine. You did a lot of feminine gestures to decrease the tension when you first came up. It was really sweet, but there was none of your power. Can I say something? Yeah, please. When you speak, just want to make sure you can hear me. OK, when you relax your smile, you look more masculine to me. How do I explain that? You just did. You explained it. OK. Yeah, because your smile was covering it. The smile wasn't real. It was a fake smile covering up some other emotions. That's why I had to drop it. A real smile looks really different. It has a whole different feel to it. And I encourage real smiles. But when you just do this, it creates a strange effect in other people. I mean, it wasn't fake. I just feel good. I was dealing with people. I had interaction with people. I'm not saying you weren't happy, but the smile was more the way it felt from my years of doing this. It didn't feel real. So that's what she's saying, too. Is that what you're saying? Well, if you repeat the question, if I find him attractive sexually, I will say yes. And the second time he came to me closer, he looked at me in the eyes, and he relaxed. I saw him very masculine. So I will definitely feel attractive. Do you feel that difference? Yeah, I felt the difference, whether because I concentrated here on my belly, or because we just was stepping like this, which is already feeling sexual tension. Just the fact that we're very close. Where do you feel your sexual tension from up here? You guys, do you think he feels turned on from his head? Where do you have to feel in your body to feel turned on? Low in your body. So if you want to feel your turn on, you better not be in your head. Because if you come at a girl just all from energy from your head, how's that going to feel? It's probably going to scare her off. Because it's going to be intense. It's going to be like this, kind of creepy almost sometimes. Does that make sense to you guys? Can you feel emotions through your body, through your nervous system? You don't feel emotions from up here. You're not going to use logic to turn a girl on. I've never met a guy yet who's their analytical mind to turn a girl on. Not once, OK? So if you've found one, send them to me. I'd be impressed. So thank you. Good job, though. Great job. Thank you. Thank you. Does anybody else want to do this real quick? One time? Got one more volunteer? Come on up, buddy. I'm going to have you stand in the same spot. Give him a round of applause. Step the PC back, just so you can experience walking up. So go ahead and just look her in the eyes. Walk up, hold that tension, and then say hi and shake her hand. Hi. Hi, how are you? I'm good. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. So go ahead and step back real quick. How does he feel, guys? He's stressful. It looks like he's nervous. Yeah, nervous. Now I'm going to give the guys credit. They're up here. They're on camera. Everybody's watching. It's a whole added element. But then at the same time, if you're walking up to a girl you think is more beautiful than any girl you've ever seen before and she's standing with all her friends and they're all watching, that kind of simulates that same energy, doesn't it? So there was a lot of nervousness. Now what you didn't do, you didn't do a lot of weird stuff where you turned your head away, you stayed in the tension, you worked with the tension, but there was a lot of nervousness. You locked out up here. You need to relax down your body more. So come forward. Did you want to say something? Come forward a little bit. Yeah, a lot of tension. A lot of tension. I don't know if it's here, it might be here. Could you feel his emotions? I sometimes do feel his emotions. People don't ask me that. Did you feel his emotions? I feel he was trying to control here and not letting go here, like here and here. OK, that's exactly what I thought, too. Did you guys get that? She said she felt like he was trying to do it from here and not letting go here and here. So look at her in the eyes again. OK, now what I want you to do is feel your heart. Just feel right there. That's it. Ask your heart to talk to her heart. Like, if you can make a bridge and breathe right down the front like a waterfall. There you go, soften. Now ask it, even if you get scared, don't hide the fear. What you're going to do is let her see your fear and walk through it anyways and show it fully anyways. Do you feel him more? OK, good. See if you can come a little lower. See if you can feel your stomach now. There you go. That's it. Now we're just going to play here. We want to ultimately go all the way down the front of the body. But for the first time I'm doing this with him on stage, I want to stop right here. So right there. There you go. Now say hi from here. Stay down there. Don't go up to say hi. Hi. See how he goes up? He goes up a little bit to say hi. Did you feel that? So hum for me? Hum until you can feel my hand. Feel my hand. So you can feel this right here. There you go. OK, now say hi from there. Hi. Hi. How are you? Now narrow your gaze a little bit. Look into her. Enjoy your attraction. Enjoy your turn on. And say hi. Hi. Hi, how are you? Is it getting better? Now you got some work to do because you're running from your turn on. Can you feel that? What's it like to allow yourself to be attracted to a beautiful woman? Can you do that? And own it. Own it, just like that. Own it, feel right here. And then when you speak, own it with every syllable. Now say hi. Hi, how are you? OK, did that. How'd that one feel? I see you like that one. Good, how'd that feel for you? I feel he connects with me when he's looking at me. But when he speaks, he goes back. So is he's really connected here now? But I guess you just let it go up here. This is a problem I run into a lot with highly analytical people. When they speak, they can get it saying nothing. And when they speak, they go back up to process the words because they're not used to letting their words flow. And so it takes a little practice. And that's why I haven't do the homing exercise a lot until they can really feel what it's like to feel down here why they speak or feel down here even. Let's give him one more shot. Let's get a hum right here. There you go, keep coming down. Now feel your turn on, will you? For her. Relax it a little bit. Just keep feeling it. There you go. Now, can you say hi? That's like that, say keep feeling that. If you have to whisper it out at first, whisper it. Hi. Hi, how are you? Now narrow that gaze and be more penetrating a little bit and say hi again. Hi. Hi, how are you? Good, good. How does that feel? New. That's cool. Do you see more connection here? Yes, I mean. Yeah, do you feel it? She feels it. The question I always have is, I know the women feel it. Do you guys feel it? OK, go ahead and step over here, OK? Thank you. Do you guys feel it? Do you feel the difference? See that the problem I see is people are working too much on what they're saying fixing the little, tiny, subtle subcommunication that's happening under the surface first. Then you put the words on top of that once you've got it. Now, it's a lot of 1%, right? There's this 1%, and that 1%. And then they'll get it with the high. Then they start to actually have a conversation, and they're right back up again. So it takes some practice to get the nervous system to relax into these new states of being. But when they do, they're very powerful, OK? So I want to do one more quick thing. Now, we talked about polarity, right? I'm going to have you step right over here. We talked about polarity, right? And polarity is this idea that there's a dance of the masculine and the feminine. What is the masculine? The masculine's like a picture frame. The feminine's the art. It's the expression, OK? Wouldn't you rather look at her more than me? That's kind of the balance, right? And the riverbanks are the masculine. But the water is the feminine. The water is flowing. The riverbanks are more still. So when the feminine feels you show up in the midst of her, let's say you've got a mountain and the weather pattern is beating on the mountain, the weather being the feminine, the mountain being the masculine. When the feminine feels you show up, even in all her emotion, because most guys shut down at the face of a woman's emotions, right? When the feminine feels you show up in the midst of all her emotions, that makes her happy. It turns her on. So let's say she gets mad at you for something. But you stay solid and grounded and you show up anyways in the midst of her anger. That can turn her on. That can make her happy. Have you ever heard about guys, women and guys having makeup sex after they fight? But then you get in a fight and what does it do? She doesn't talk to you for a week. What's the difference? Because you fought from your head. You didn't fight from your emotions. You didn't connect from your emotions, right? You didn't ground her out. That's the difference. And when she's doing that, going to that collie or that testing energy, she's trying to pull you back into your body and get you out of your head. So I'm going to do a quick thing. Just to show you guys a little polarity. So just go ahead and do it. You do it a little harder. I wanted to do it a little harder. That was kind of harder. Yeah, harder. Come on. You can do it. Yeah, I'll set it closer. So what I'm simulating here is she's pushing on me, right? So do it a couple of times. Sorry. Good. See, that's what I want. I want her to giggle and laugh a little bit. And there's a reason for that, OK? I'm not shrinking. I'm not getting mad. I usually do this with a slap, but I'm not going to do it like that on the camera, where she comes at me really hard. And what this does, it just simulates this idea that the feminine is going to test you. It's going to push on you. It's going to dance with you. Can you step into it and own it? Can you be like, yeah, I'm right here? Because what is that going to do? If I'm the solid picture frame for her and she feels I'm not breaking, and I stay solid without losing control, without losing my mind, without yelling and screaming back, that causes her to relax more in the end because her man is being solid. Did you want to say anything on that? Yeah, it's more like if I do this and you go into a fight or you go back, or if you just say, oh, I'm sorry, the attitude will be more like, OK, that's your problem. It's not mine. I'm here. It's yours because you just hit me, right? Yeah. OK. So yeah, that's, of course, that would be like. OK, to demonstrate what she's talking about, hit me one more time. I'm sorry, I mean, are you upset? Please don't do that. You see the reaction difference? OK. Yeah, come forward again. So we're in the camera. So do it one more time. And so now I step into it right here. Do you guys feel the polarity difference in that? OK. And that's demonstrating testing. Now, that can be done with words. We use the physical so you guys can see it, so it's obvious. But really, it's most likely going to be done with words. She's going to say something. You're going to say something back. And it's the energy behind the words that cause the effect. OK? Cool. OK. So give Giselle a round of applause. Thank you very much. Thank you. OK. So what you say carries a lot away, but it's how you say it. And when you understand all the subcommunication, how you say things affects people immensely. Has anybody had the experience when you go out to meet a woman and you give her a nice compliment? And she's just like, oh, thank you, and walks away. Who raised your hand if you had that experience? OK, what's happening there? Most likely. I'm not going to say 100% of the time, but what's happening there? Didn't make her feel anything. Exactly. Because you weren't grounded enough or masculine enough or you're in your nice guy and you were bringing this like, hi, I just want to tell you, you're really pretty or you have beautiful eyes. You might give a great compliment. You have a great way about you, a great. But it doesn't, none of it connects because when a guy who's not bringing his masculine energy gives her that compliment, he's half saying, I don't want to bother you. I'm half here. I'm half not. Are you upset? What do you think of a real masculine guy who's grounded? He's going to step right into the tension. See, I'm taking the tension away when I do that. If I walk up and say, you know, there's something about you and I just had to come say, hi, there's a whole different energy in that. Because now I'm stepping into the tension more. I'm saying, I'm not afraid of the tension. I'm a man. I can handle it. And I'm offering this up to you. And it's a whole different energy. It's a whole different way of being. And this causes a whole different effect, not just in women, but in people around you. Who's in sales? You shift this attitude and this energy in your sales. It's going to change everything. Your sales are going to go through the roof because of it. I jumped ahead here. So I want to talk about one more thing really quick. And that's a vulnerability. Now I mentioned it earlier. Once you've got the tension, the tension is the conduit for the vulnerability. So as I connect with you through tension right here, there's the tension. I relax into my body. And I start to get curious or something. You can start to feel my emotions. And that's the real conversation that's being had. We have these conversations through emotions. We're actually sharing emotions back and forth, not through words. The words are what's put on top of the emotions. If you try to have a conversation with words and there's actually no emotion in them, then the conversation is going to fall flat. It's going to die. That's what most guys run into when they first start doing this stuff because they run out trying to master the words. And they're not paying attention to what's going on underneath the words. So vulnerability is really important, but it's not neediness. A lot of people think that vulnerability is neediness. But it's not neediness. It's something completely different. Neediness is, OK, I'll give you a real example. I broke up with this girl, and this is the first time I did this, and I was scared shitless. And we had broken up. And I was really kind of bothered by it. And somebody told me, a wise person told me, go to her and be vulnerable and tell her how you feel. And I'm like, well, that's never worked before. That just causes them to run the other way. I'm not going to do that. And he said, no, no, no, but you're doing it all wrong. He said, go to her, put it out there. Don't ask for anything in return. Do it like a man. And then step back. And if she still treats you like garbage, she's not worth being with. And I said, OK, I'm going to try this. I don't think it's going to work, but I'm going to try this. And I remember going, she worked in a musician. And she was playing at this bar one night in a band. So I went there at the end of the night, and I saw her. And I remember I was scared shitless. I was kind of shaking from it. And I walked with her as she left out towards her car. And I said, I really want to talk to you. And at first she was like, oh, I'm busy. I'm nervous. She was still mad at me. And then she was getting in her car. I looked at her and I said, no, I really want to tell you something. And she went, oh, really? And then she turned, looked me dead in the eyes, got right in the tension with me. I felt that it was really distinctive and said, what? And right then I was like, oh, this is interesting. I didn't expect that. And then I looked at her and I said, OK, I got to do this the way he said it. Now, I don't remember the exact words, so I'm going to give a little paraphrase of what I said. But I said something in the effect of I'm moving away soon. I don't know if I'm ever going to see you again. So I want to say this before I leave. I care about you. I want to work this out. I want to make something work between us. And if you don't feel the same way, I'm fine. I can handle that. But I'm not going to leave without saying it. And then I just shut up. And it was amazing because I'd never seen a girl do this. She went from normally in the past when I would say stuff like, I care about you. We can make this work. Come on, let's make this work. We're meant to be together. Or something like that, it made them run the other way. Why? Because it's kind of begging. It's needy. It's not vulnerability. That's needy. When I said it that way, it had a whole different effect. She got out of the car and we sat on the curb and talked for 45 minutes about everything. And it was like this amazing bubble-type experience. And it was really beautiful. And it was all from my willingness to lose her, to make my statement and let her go and be a man about it. But to at least say what I had to say. And that changed everything. So vulnerability is essential. And if you develop these two parts and you can see how they're feeling, they're both feeling-based aspects, like when I'm working with her, I can feel the tension with her. You guys could feel the tension with her. When I'm being vulnerable, I can feel the vulnerability. It's not something I think about as a logical concept anymore. Matter of fact, I want to shut off as much thought as possible. That's what changes things. So I got one more thing I want to quickly share. Who here really wants to have amazing sex? Raise your hand. Everybody should raise their hand, right? OK. There's two things you need if you want to have amazing sex with your girlfriend. They're essential. And a lot of guys miss this. Matter of fact, it took me a while to even get this down because it was hard at first. The first thing I talked about is the tension skills, right? You've got to have tension skills. So the first thing I do with any girl I'm getting intimate with, so I ask her what her fantasies are. Ask her what she wants to experience in life, what she's done. I want to know about her. I want to know what she wants, where she wants to go. And there's an essential key ingredient in doing this. When you do it, you can't judge her for anything she says. You can't make fun of it. You can't mock it because she's going to probably say stuff a little bit at a time, right? Because what happens with women? Society judges women for loving sex. Gives women a hard time. But yet, women are just as sexual as we are. Their beautiful sexual creatures are probably more sexual than we are in a lot of ways, right? And so I had asked this woman once. It was a girl I was dating. And I said, what's your fantasies? And she was a little more open minded than other women. So she came really fast with it. And I want to ask you guys, I want you to really take this in. If this was a girl you were dating and you were getting serious with, and she said this, I want you to think about what your reaction would be. And I asked her what her fantasies were. And she said, well, one of them is I want to fuck five cowboys in the back of a pickup truck in a field. And if you get all nervous and start laughing and start pushing away, right? Which is what a lot of guys will do. Because it's like, this is a girl I care about. And she just told me she wants to fuck five guys. You see what I mean? What's going to happen there? How much longer is she going to trust you with her fantasies? Now, I'm not saying you have to do it. I'm not saying you have to go do this. But you can't judge her for it. You can't make her wrong for it. So the right answer is really take that in, feel it, and say thank you. That's beautiful. Don't tease her. Don't laugh. Otherwise, she's not going to open up and tell you more things later. That's what you want. You want her to feel completely safe sharing every fantasy with you. And you don't ever want to judge her for any other. So you can set her free to feel comfortable with you. Number two, to end that, by the way, is tension and vulnerability, right? So you've got to be willing to be vulnerable. You've got to be willing to be in the tension. You've got to feel it all. You can't do it from your head. And then number two is you've got to protect her fantasies. If she's sharing her real deep personal information with you, you can't run and tell her friends. You can't run and brag to her friends that my girlfriend just said she really wants to have a threesome. And we're going to have a threesome. Now that's between you and her. Do you understand? That's your secret. As you two go deeper into this intimacy, it's something you're doing together. And so you might find that as you make her feel really comfortable about her sexuality, you make her feel really safe. You make her feel really empowered and free that she starts to open up more and more. And she starts to want to know what your fantasies are. She starts to want to know what you want to do. And then your sex life at that point starts to improve. Now as you start to go do these things, again you can't start freaking out and getting weird because that's also where guys without much experience start to lose it. And that's something you have to work on. What the real key here is stop judging women for loving sex. Set them free, guys. If you guys want amazing sex, give them the freedom to have amazing sex lives. And that's going to require being comfortable in the tension and being comfortable in the vulnerability, both at the same time. Any questions? Got about five minutes left. Do you think some women are more perceptive? We're all trying to perceive emotions, men versus women. Do you think some women are more perceptive based on what? Usually they're level of femininity. How much femininity they've developed in their life. Culturally, Russians? Yeah, I find Eastern European women can be very in tune with emotions and feelings. When I go to Romania a lot, I'm shocked at how much the women there can read on you. It's kind of crazy. Now, it's the same thing with men, though, is men develop more of their femininity or their vulnerable side. They also develop more of the ability to read emotions. So it's really about developing that side. Whereas the other side, the masculinity is more about the tension. So somebody's more in the middle, they're going to have less ability. But on average, women, because they're more feminine by nature, have more ability to read. An example, because I met a Russian woman. I have a lot of Russians in Chicago. And this girl, I met her on the street. And afterwards I was like, I didn't know what I said. Or what I did is just it kind of flowed. And then as we met over time, she was into this meditation stuff and working on herself. I went to a library and she's like, yeah, I read this book. I read this book. And I'm like, wow, you were into this kind of deep stuff for a while. Yeah, so she had worked on her vibe and all that. It's very common. We do a lot of workshops in Romania. And it almost shocks me with some of the women. We had one student say, we have one girl super in feeling. She can feel every little subtle, like a littlest thing. And we had two students, they would stand with her and look and do some of the gazing work. And they're like, oh my god, she's like staring into my soul. It's freaking me out. Because she could see everything inside them. And it's kind of freaky. But I love it. So any other questions? Yes, you said that I guess the two types that get handling tension wrong are those that avoid it and those that try to bulldoze through it without being able to feel it. On that, which one would you say is in a better position to learn how to get it right? The avoiders, if you're avoiding tension, you're going to have a real hard time growing. If you're bulldozing and we can tune it back, it's usually a little better. Now the problem is that I run into a lot is on top of that, there's a lot of defense mechanisms in the human body. So some people have a lot of walls between them in their heart, their ability to feel. Some guys come in, they feel literally like stone to me when I'm working with them. I'm like breaking through stone or armor. And so even though they may not be bulldozing, until we get through a lot of that armor, they won't be able to feel much. So we got to kind of bring it down through a lot of exercises. And but on average, err on the side of a little too much because you're going to get more results that way. If you err on the side of too little, you're not going to grow. You're just going to constantly be like, that's what I did in the beginning. I was always trying to figure out a way around the tension. I was trying to figure out if I learn hypnosis, if I learn EFT, if I learn this, I'll learn that. And then one day I'll just be free of all the fear and I'll just go do it. But it doesn't work that way. You've got to take action first. Then it stirs up all the garbage inside you. Then I can use the hypnosis or EFT or whatever technique I want to use because they all work to some degree. But if I'm not taking action, none of it works. Yeah. Anybody else? I loved it, by the way. Thank you. I'm talking about very analytical people. I think a lot of us here are pretty analytical. I'm sure you came from that background as well. What's the first, what are a couple of few tips that you recommend starting today or tomorrow that we could implement and see startings and better results? Great question. Meditation's great. I mean meditation in and of itself. But not meditation where you isolate in a little bubble and just hang out by yourself. Because some people do that when they go on these bliss states, right? Meditation where you practice feeling more and more. You're opening more and more to the environment. I like it when people get into a nice, safe space and meditate, and then they get used to that and they get used to feeling open. And then they start taking it out, like go meditate in a park. Then go meditate in a more noisy environment. Learn to kind of ground and feel it all instead of shutting off to it all. Because if you just meditate in your nice, safe space all the time, which is great practice, but then you go out to, say, a noisy environment one night and it's not going to help you. It might help you to some degree, but you're going to get out in that noisy environment and you're going to want to shut down again. Because all this energy is coming at you. So you got to learn to expand it into bigger ranges. So meditations one, any body-based movement, that's what yoga was intended to do, it gets you into your body. So if you're doing the yoga as exercise, it's not going to do much for you. If you're doing it to feel more into your body, into your nervous system, because we have a gut brain, right? If you guys don't believe you have a gut brain, Google gut as a second brain. And there's a whole science around how the gut is an instinctual brain now. And if you get down into that part of your body, it changes everything. It starts to pull you out of your head. So yoga, any type of body-based work, I think Brazilian jiu-jitsu is great for guys getting down to their body, feeling more of their core, moving from your Dantian, your Hara, your second shock or whatever you want to call it, that kind of stuff. So, thank you. One more question, this came from online, is it says, a lot of guys join the self-help, dating, seduction, community to get better, but move in the wrong directions. What's the best place to start for a guy that's new? I, it's a good question. I believe that I'm not a big fan. If you're, it depends on, see this is a tough question to answer because it depends on you. If you came to me, I would look at you and I'd say, are you super analytical? Are you super numbed out? Are you really dramatic, overly dramatic? And I would kind of give you a different answer depending on that. But one thing I would say is be careful with learning all kinds of pickup lines and routines. That's just my opinion, not everybody agrees with that. I feel like you gotta start working on feeling your body more, which is what we just talked about, connecting to that second brain, getting into your body, getting into feeling, moving from feeling more, and that's where your life is gonna change. So most of, I would imagine a lot of the instructors here are amazing instructors and just getting on and learning from their YouTube channels, learning from their teachings because it's really the new school of thought in that way. And I'll give you one thing you can do and you could all do this, is create a tension or a confidence journal to develop your tension or confidence. I have one guy do this, he changed his whole life and that's all he did. He would send me Facebook messages all the time telling me about the changes in his life. I got 9,000 euro raise every year, he was in Europe. I got a new girlfriend, I moved into a new house. So what he did was he took a journal and every day he picked four or five areas he was avoiding tension and he would write them down. I mean, he might be out, he'd be out doing it. It's like standing there and say, well, I wanna go just say hi to this pretty girl, right? And he would write down, say hi to her. And then he would note on a scale of one to 10 how difficult that seemed. If it was a 10, that's gonna be jumping the Grand Canyon. So he would find something that still moved him in that direction that was more like a seven or a six. So he might just go over and ask her the time to start with. Might do that 10, 20, 30 times before he moves on to the next thing. And until that six or seven goes way down to like a two, three or four and then he ups the bar again. So he would do this every day in four or five, six areas. I mean, there were days I would do this all day. I would just keep journaling stuff all day, learning to step into a little bit more tension and a little bit more tension. Then after you do it, you write down what you learn from it. Not what went wrong, but what you learn from it. And once you write down what you learn from it then at the end of the night, you review it before you go to bed so you can take it into your sleep. You can take it into your dreams and process it while you sleep. So that's a great example of developing some tension skills. And there's sometimes I'll go out for an hour and I'll just do that for an hour, writing as much as I can in one hour. And then I put it away, don't overdo it. Or some days I'll just say, I'm gonna do four things today. I'm gonna find four things throughout the day or five things. And this guy did this every day for, I don't know how long, and he changed his whole life. And he kept sending me Facebook messages. It was awesome. He sent me a picture of the journal and what it looked like because he bought this really nice journal to do it with, leather bound and all this stuff. So, you know, stuff like that can really shift you. So, okay guys, I wanna thank you for having me here. It was great. I'll be here throughout the weekend. So if anybody's got questions, feel free to ask me questions. And somebody told me to give out the website. The website's thefearlessman.com and YouTube channel's the same thing. So, thank you guys. Good stuff, Brian Bejian. Hi, this is Brian. Thanks for watching my full speech. I really appreciate it. Make sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel, 21 Studios. And if you wanna learn more about me, go to thefearlessman.com. Thanks again.