 Welcome to the power talk show with me Dominic and today with me. I've got nibs college make some noise Yeah, as you can see these people have been my friends now for Very like ten shows a plus and they've been amazing and I want to thank you for your support nibs You know Samuel back there. I've got there's some fellow in a suit back there. I'll be talking to him I he said the suit is his Yeah, I lent it to him as you can see we are the people who are suits anyway It's nice to have you and today. We don't have the band with me because my band director I got got unwell so I knock my sangha. We are praying that you get well You are admitted recently and I would want to issue the very best and best of recovery from The power talk show and from our audience and from our viewers You are an important member of this convo of this show and also I was told by One of my friends here Samuel in juguna. He told me to say this that happy birthday to his cousin Kanan Joe, yeah, so Hanan Joe have very very happy birthday. By the way, it was my birthday on Monday Monday No, not Monday Sunday. Yes, Sunday. I'm a sabba sabba child So happy birthday to me and I want to thank God also for this show that is going now into the third year We started this in 2017. Yeah 2017. Yeah, so almost a third year And I want to thank God for this chance to be here to share with you to work with you I have I'm on the third floor right now in terms of my years to thank God for the times as I've been here and for the people that I've been able to touch during this conversation entertain and educate and I want to thank God for this chance to continue to accompany you One of the things that I would like to encourage you with this None of us have a right to be weak and loser because God has given us a lot of talent And if we orient ourselves towards the best goal that God has given us in spite of the resources that we have We can get to a point where we become useful not only to ourselves But to our family and to our society once you don't do not use your talents Well, once you do not use what God has given you to the maximum Not only do you become useless to yourself, but you become a burden to your family become a burden to society So do not sit down and complain about the negatives about what you do not have but sit down and say What is the little that I have and how can I maximize on it? And that has been my experience and I want to really believe that you can do the same if you sit down and count your blessings and maximize on What you've got so today we're gonna be talking about emotional abuse and I'm gonna be telling you that in a while But right now we take a short break. I'll be right back I'm back to the part. Talk show with me Dominic and so today's topic is emotional abuse in Relationships I want us to speak about how is it possible that so many of us are going through emotional abuse And what is emotional abuse and how does it happen? And so I'm encouraging you to go to a social media handles, especially Facebook where there'll be a post about today's show and I want you to come in there You can ask a question or make a suggestion or have an opinion there And I'm gonna be reading out those comments suggestions and opinions on on this show during the second segment of this interview So go to our social media handles and make sure that your your opinion is put out there We're talking about emotional really an abuse many times We always speaking about gender-based violence that is actually physical violence But at times we have a relationship violence that is purely emotional where there is manipulation where there is Nazism and where they where the other person makes you feel less than you Than you actually are they they take advantage of you They want you to do things for them that they can do for them for themselves And so how does it happen? What can it do to you that would be the conversation of today? So please go to our Facebook page at Y254 channel and comment there There'll be a post that's guy is gonna has been put up there with a question that I've asked you And I would like you to put your opinion comments and questions and today I have Phyllis in my chair who will be sharing with with me and with all of you about About emotional abuse and I would listen to her listen to her story She's a lecturer part-time lecturer at Nazarene and she is also an expert in peace Advocacy, so she'll be telling us more about herself. So don't go away with a short break and we'll be back for the main conversation And as I said, we are having the show today and we're talking about emotional abuse And as I said my guest is Phyllis Marsheria Let me stop introducing yourself you by the way, please go ahead Phyllis Marsheria. Who is Phyllis Marsheria? Phyllis Marsheria is first of all our mother. I'm a mother to three wonderful children I have my background in peace and conflict resolution I am a part-time lecturer at the African-Nazarene University Where I am in the school of peace and governance. I also do diplomacy and professional ethics as well I'm also an enthusiast when it comes to community conversations and dialogues. So I'm in a platform also that Allows a lot of voluntarism when it comes to venting spaces in the society Because a lot I mean it's it's very evident that people need to be talking. Absolutely Yeah, I mean it's amazing that I Let me let me play to this stereotype that as a woman you're doing so much Thank you in this sense that you're also doing You're giving voice to many girls. Yes, and you said you're a mother to three. Yes Who just given them a shout out? Um, I know they're watching. So hey come out Jerry and Marsheria Jerry and Marsheria. Wow. I love you Six four in two six four and two Marathon marathon You think about the audience I love the audience, right? They're happy. They're happy and we're happy So Welcome to the show. Thank you. Now today. We're talking about emotional abuse in the relationships And I'm gonna ask a very brief questions. Have you gone through emotional abuse yourself? Yes. You've gone through it Yes, what is emotional abuse and? First of all, let me also Reverge to the question you just asked and I'm sure that Relates to so many people the yes factor whether knowingly or unknowingly So emotional abuse is basically being in a relationship that Number one makes you doubt yourself. You really don't know who you are anymore It's also being in a setup where It's you have to always second guess yourself. Am I right? Am I wrong? So basically losing yourself esteem emotional abuse is also where you find yourself Exhibiting some signs of depression again, whether knowingly or not You might get outside responses that hey, you don't talk anymore. You don't come for social gatherings anymore, but also It's basically when you're not taking care of yourself anymore. You don't you're not a priority Something is amiss. So some somebody has treated you in such a way that you're exhibiting all these signs and symptoms What are some of the behaviors of an emotional abuser? What is what's their language? What are their actions? Um basically, it's about an attack and An attack to you as a person and a fulfilling or a fulfillment to the abuser So probably belittle you in any way possible Whether it's to discredit everything that you do so that you can be quite inferior and they can be superior So this are the major signs, but other than that There's also personal signs of the abuser as far as the character and personality is concerned Someone who's overly Defendant about their being and existence and at times It's all the benchmark is what they believe when it comes to the universe. That's an abuser So an abuser is someone who does not want you to shine does not celebrate your successes and sees your Success is almost like a threat to themselves and they constantly want to put you down Because by you staying down it makes them feel good. I would say yes and no yes because theoretically, that's correct, but no because they might verbally Showed that they are rejoicing with you and they're happy about your milestones, but when it's only when there are people around It's just you and them most of the time do not celebrate it But for sure, oh, you're the best thing that happened to them when they are with other people in in public So that's that's quite an interesting thing So you might go to say my partner is a very harsh person to people and people are like But he's so generous. He's always saying nice things about you now remember and I'll go back when we talk of emotional abuse remember these Different types of abuse. There's a physical and you mentioned in your introduction with physical abuse You have an exhibit. I mean you will show a scar you will show You know, you will have a mark. Yeah with emotional abuse. It's your word against them. Yeah, so it's So profound that they make sure that they've dealt with that arena that you talk about them And everyone is doubting you as opposed to doubting them because in public They are darlings. They are sweethearts, but in closed spaces You are the target because you're the only it's like a it's like you're the feeding of you That's the only way to maintain their ego and I need at this point. I need to make a disclaimer We're not just talking about men. Yeah, it's a man who are also emotionally Yes, absolutely. That's a good reminder Yes, so the way you're describing is is like some a victim of emotional abuse is like someone in a beautiful castle on the outside But which is a prison on the inside? Exactly and and just a short definition Now this makes it your narrative as an abused person as well Because since they don't believe me, let me be good. Let me look like I'm fine. Let me be okay out there Let me put up my smile out there But again when you revert to your corner, then now You're sad in that space because when you're outside as much as you might lose yourself gradually But you also still Compliment your abuser by trying to keep it cool out there. Yeah, correct because partly as you say Maybe nobody will believe you because he has or she has made sure that he or she has a very perfect image out there Exactly. So there is there chance that people might not believe you exactly now Is it possible to start owning that constant criticism such that now you turn it's not towards you So you have been belittled you start not belittling yourself already you start doubting yourself because of your you're constantly told you're nothing Anyway, you're constantly manipulated. So you start doubting yourself and start performing less and less is it possible? very very possible but By the time you realize it, it's never an instant thing years can pass by and I I know certain signs of The fact that you're losing yourself are not What people expect that I'll be you know, you'll be crying or you'll be angry Something as simple as procrastination. That's already a sign that you're not okay People think you know, you get to a point where you say for example, I'll give an example of maybe a job application Yes, there's a deadline, but you find yourself. You're always doing it the last minute on that specific day Chances are you never used to be like that, but it's because now it's gotten to a point where Unknowingly and consciously you don't even care anymore because you've been invalidated so much destroyed your confidence exactly So what does that do? Indirectly your brain sleeps and you're not aware because you've taken in so much pain so much heartache and people will always Might know you as someone who prospers or is a shine But they'll wonder then how come you're not moving from point A to B because your brain slept You've been so emotionally abused Your brain is literally just there. Okay. Yeah And what what in your own in your opinion what makes people stay in an abusive relationship what makes on a victim? Feel as if there is either hope or there's no point of living or you know I think the two that stand out for me Regardless of the cliches for the children or any other issue number one is denial Denial which makes you Procrastinate steel on that issue Number two is false hope You keep I hope that's not true. Mm-hmm. They will change I'm the smart on here. I'll figure it out. I don't know how to deal with this That is there's hope and there's false hope. There's hope and there's false hope so for me It's denial and false hope false hope now What what can a person do so maybe let's say there's someone watching you and saying I think I am in that kind of a Relationship since I started dating this person since I got married to this person my confidence in is just getting low and low I trust myself less. I think I am nothing more and more I when I do not like myself and I look at myself in the mirror anymore I am never celebrated by the person I am thinking should be for me. This is my experience Maybe the person is saying what what what are the steps they could start? You know to take to get out of it? I Normally say this and I even tell my students you can read all the books in the world, but the backstops with you This are this is a specific situation that honestly You are the key to the beginning so no amount of counseling no amount of Reconciliation talks or dialogues will help you until you're clear With what you want and at times they say it's until you've had enough, but remember enough is relative to You know to all of us. So it's until you make that decision consciously not emotionally Consciously and realistically that I need out or I need to stay because something That When you talk about when do you say this is enough or how do you deal with it? Remember, there's also a concept of being real with yourself at times we speak of emotional abuse, but you're also a contributor I don't mean that you bash yourself. I mean you be real So once you have a checklist have I done all that I'm supposed to do? Correct. If honestly, it's a yes go to the next question. Do I deserve this? It's if it was yes, then it's going to be no you don't deserve it If and this we're talking about relationship So if it's a relationship there must have been a concept of love and caring, right? You go to the next question Is this situation? Can it be saved in this way? Can I also put on his or her shoes as the abuser? Have I done that? Yes, I have done that and now I understand where he's coming from, but does it give him or her a mandate to To continue treating me this way These are checklists that you need to go through And it's only after you sit down and go through that checklist that you'll be able to know the next move Your next move could be a counselor So you hang on until you do a counselor your next move would be mediation or negotiation But depending on the stages you're at your next move would be to live So it depends on where and how a lot you are about your situation There's no blanket remedy for everyone. Yeah, it has to be relative and specific Do you think in your opinion that's possible to actually remain in the relationship and try to He let from within or the best is first of all to separate yourself from it and try to see what you can do before Leaving under the same roof. No, I think both can apply again depending on the kind of situation And I'll give a specific examples Normally more often than not you can have an emotional Abusive setup and it remains as that. It's just an emotional abuser. They'll never touch you. It's it will never get physical Now so they'll make sure there's no evidence that you can show exactly But also maybe because it's not in them to get to the physical beat. They're just emotionally abusive and Depending on whether again, is it something that they are reacting to it's not just about you as a person Or is it a past that they are dealing with they end up being emotionally abusive or are they just narcissists? Okay, that becomes difficult exactly so when you when you're aware about your Partners because now we're talking about relationships if you're truly aware about the kind of work that they've had that will also inform Your tolerance levels and where your boundary stops however The instances where emotional abuse is a red flag To escalation to physical abuse. Yeah, so maybe you stayed through the emotional face now It started being physical at that point in time. That's when we're told Borau hi, you know, like it's your life like Now literally not just the cliche talk that we say Borau hi like survival now this one is honestly Oh, hi Walker is important. So at that point now, there's no second guessing like should I die or not? You know, it's a different ball game. So I think you the main issue here is being aware being aware fight To at least get to that point that as an individual you're aware you're a lot because remember when you're in a depressive state You're also likely to make very misinformed decisions. All right, and another thing is Try to keep away from group mentality at that particular time Be yourself. So if you have a committee outside, they're advising you they can give you very be just listen But at the end of the day, make your decision now, maybe now someone might say well I have not been bad the relationship which is emotionally abusive, right? So maybe someone might say that but they may be asking how what what what are they? What are the things that I might look for to ensure the person that I'm dating or I want to go into a relationship with is not It does not turn out to be emotionally abusive Are there some things to watch out for at the very initial stages of the relationship? Yes, you know, they are red flags, especially if you're dating And that takes us back to the question. I mean and that would take like a whole year to try in DC Is for how long should I date so that I can catch all the red flags, you know all those things However, there's some that are very obvious when it comes to personality and character Because remember during dating those are the only things you're living by You're probably not living under the same roof to catch any other But if someone is over possessive, you know, like they don't want you to have a life basically questioning your phone calls 24-7 or You know just following like Caging you in a way that you're not living as a Person it's you're being tied into a unity now. It's us against the world But I'm not me as a person. That's already a red flag Another red flag would be their social behavior. How do they relate to other people? Remember we mentioned maybe they could be a darling to people out there if you find that it's very cosmetic From the very beginning now that they don't have anything to to share out there because you're not living together for instance They don't have a social life. They don't have friends They they're not in it like they're just in this cocoon. That's another red flag because you'd like to wonder What where are they coming from with this mindset that I don't need people so at some point will they need you? Exactly, so when it comes to those again, it's It's another relative arena because even slapping at you That's a red flag, but again, maybe someone had a bad day So I'm not saying you be snapped at one day This is an emotional abuse Exactly, there needs to be a constant pattern and now that begs the question of how long again, that's relative Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah before we take a we take a short break. Um, I Would want to ask Can a person be an emotional abuser without knowing right and what are some of the attributing or causative factors? That can make someone become an abusive person without knowing by the way, I could be manipulating my girlfriend I could be manipulating my boyfriend Is it what what are some of those things that pre make can make one, you know an emotional abuser that they need to look into? The most Profound one is trauma and when I say trauma is maybe childhood trauma whether it's female or male if you grew up in a very abusive setup and You think you dealt with it and now this is my life. I'm trying to make a family That's my past, but you never dealt with it as a person and brought closure then You are a good person But carrying baggage and that baggage now will trickle over to the next Relationships that you go into whether it's church because you've become a pastor Even you're not in a relationship, but you're a father a priest in church. It's going to go into your congregation or your fellow You know priests I'm saying I'm giving that example because when you talk of relationships Remember at times it's even workplaces. It's even you know for people who choose not to get married But they still emotionally abuse They are co-workers their colleagues, so it's about baggage that you carry from the past There are people who had who have been hurt and there's this saying that had people hurt others Absolutely, so that could also be an indicator that you think you're not being hurtful because they are very Most of the time emotional abuses are very defensive. They don't see it and they will never get it And that's why they don't apologize Most more often than not because they don't see it. I don't abuse you how do I will actually ask you how do I do this? Yeah, and it might not be pretending because they've created a wall because of their past Yeah, you know one of the characteristics of an emotional abuser that you just maybe made me remember is they always make it seem It's always your fault. It's never their fault Apologize because it's never their fault and probably we can revert to now the triggers. I mean all red flags That that can also be added into the red flag. This person never apologizes It's always your fault exactly if it's clearly something they did wrong They will make sure they'll turn at the whole story to make sure the shoulder will the cool That is always on you. You should have done this. You should have I I Talk to you badly because you annoyed me, you know, yeah, I called you at all because You didn't explain to me where you were. I mean, it's always pushed back to correct Yes, you know, one of the things that I am a psychotherapist myself And one of the things I tell my clients in in counseling is you have to treat yourself like someone you're responsible for caring All right That is the first rule of the thumb when you're interacting with people treat yourself as a part, you know So would you put someone you're responsible for caring in that in a relationship that they are constantly abused abused that And we'll come back and we take some questions from our audience. Thank you so much Phil is my sherry for That bit of conversation now We're going to take a short break and when we come back the audience will be asking a few questions And I'll be reading your comments that I'm sure that are coming on our Facebook page As I mentioned go to a Facebook page at why two five four channel and comment there make a Ask a question or make a suggestion and I'll be reading out those comments in a few when we come back I'll be taking a few questions from the audience and we keep this conversation going short break. We'll be back Page at why two five four channel. We are talking about emotional abuse in relationships Have you been in a relationship with somebody who you felt emotionally abused you and how did you deal with it? That's the other questions that are being asked there. Please make your opinion comment or a question and I'll be reading them out There is Victor light who said I overcame it through struggling for mine I'm not sure what that means, but I get thank you Victor light. Just what musioka boy Salimiya Philly Sana. I'm a salami. Oh, and a Pia Nib students I Keep it up. Keep it up. Yeah, Kara Maurice hopper cut off a row hero Kimbo show you cut off Hey, Kara Maurice on a julekana salimiya Nick Daniels hopper number guillote a one four Bogey, Bogey's a kimono ski. I'm a salimi one a cut tail When a ring Victor light again wearing a kiananya. I don't understand wearing a bro's shoe Then he ashamed you in front of neighbors. Hey, man. Say Paul is Anna. Okay. That's not the emotional abuse We're talking about but thank you. Yeah, okay Then la la la me just fat mat musioka Could talk a Konza. Yeah, just what you always watch my show and I really appreciate. I hope one day You can turn up as part of the audience So he could top fire here to pick a little he could Jew In a relationship Okay, we'll do something about that. I can't miss a show. Thank you so much. Just what and then Lillian Mooli brilliant conversation Phillies amazing. Thank you so much Lillian Mooli Keep those comments and questions and suggestions coming on Our Facebook page and I'm gonna be reading them out in a few so right now I'm gonna go to the audience for The the questions that we have that we're gonna take the first three questions. Please go ahead Thank you very much. My name is Peter Sondora and my question is Basically, these people may be termed us like alpha males and they are mostly very much aggressive. So Getting that you're dealing with somebody who is aggressive So how should you turn up or start speaking to that person that you are doing this to me How should I now start going to the person and tell him or her this is what you are doing You are bringing me down in a way, but when you go to the audience, you're very much different. Hmm. How do I face the person? Abusing me. Okay. Thank you Peter son, thank you. I'm Christine Christine how can you be able to change an abusive person back to normal? Can you change an abusive person back to normal? Excellent question by behind there Hi, hello, I'm Joyce Joyce many are times we come out of Relationships then we go into new relationships with Let's say there are things you want your partner to to fulfill expectations We felt we failed to remember that maybe our partners will not be able to fulfill our expectations Maybe we want more So how we talk to them and maybe Get to know whether they feel they are comfortable with that or not Okay, so if I get your question is how can we talk to our partners to ensure that they are able to Fulfill the desires that we have so that we can be in the relationship. Is that is that right? Thank you so much Let's first of all take those two three questions. So the first question there. How do you face? Yeah, an abusive relationship person Um Do remember I talked about boundaries, right? You first need to exhaust all avenues in in trying to make You make yourself be hard. So for example, I talked about negotiate. I mean mediation where you involve maybe If you were in a you know in a marriage that you married in church, there's always the best couple You know, there's always a hierarchy. There's a time to go to the parents. There's a time to go to the in-laws, you know All I'm saying is exhaust your options. But now you have to know when to stop Because is this going to be a lifetime event for you where you just recycle? Every Interventions that you have applied so you have to know when to stop and it still goes back to being real Do you think? It's going to be any difference And that difference does it come from you or from them? So you have to be very conscious and you have to set your boundaries. There's a Time waits for no man and that's the mistake we make When we stay in abusive relationships because you end up losing out when you really could even have helped the Abuser be a better person by leaving. Okay. Yeah, so in that instance is I think what I can add maybe This person is very good at making you be at fault. Yes So possibly confronting them. They will only turn the story around and make you feel like look at how aggressive you are Exactly, and that's why I said now you need to stop asking those questions because you're just feeding an ego Yeah, that's what you're doing. You're just feeding an ego. Correct. The second question was can you change in an abusive person? We remove names because I'm also a remove No It's just a plane. No, you can never change someone You can facilitate the transition. I mean we pray see you're interceding for someone You're praying so that they can change but never and that's Since time immemorial, that's the mistake we make Because out of love out of care you think you're in control You think you can handle this but always remember No one can change unless they change themselves You can never change someone trust me. They can change because they love you, but remember it's them who change not you and a Very constant characteristic of an abuser the more you try to change them the higher dose you will get of that abuse So you can never change someone Always remember that you can never you can facilitate by taking care of yourself fast Then they can now change because of the change they're seeing in you, but you can never change someone. Perfect. All right Thank you so much. The third question was The desires that someone I have desires, okay Can and the other person how can I be sure that the other person will you know fulfill those desires that I have in that relationship It's one thing to have expectations and I believe when we have these expectations It's because you want a better life. You want to have a good life So you need to separate Again the expert because I'm thinking you're asking that question In lieu with the fact that that could be the reason you're being abused Because you expected much from this guy or this woman and they cannot provide Honestly, those are two different things but Always that the abuser will take advantage of and pin you down for so it's you first of all to be real about your situation I find it very cosmetic and unfair when you know that you're in a relationship That honestly, you know your expectations are in 2020 and you're in 2013 And no, I mean allow me to be the devil's advocate Most men Suffer with that notion than women because it's probably more often than that than not its pressure from a Woman's idea of Prince charming, you know, especially the emotional beats him He's busy trying to make sure there's a lot of money for you because according to him That's what satisfying you is but for you, where are the flowers? Where is the call? How am I doing so you need to be real on the stage? You're in and separate dating and marriage. Those are two different entities Even with expectations because it's it's unfortunate that we are in an age that the expectations that we give when dating are honestly very very Unfortunate and sad because I love to address the women here There's a mantra of all is had and this is very conservative and my opinion If someone is not your father and they haven't put a ring on it What expectations should you be having surely you get what I mean, especially when it comes to finances So you need to be real Divide all these segments are we dating are we in a marriage and then put it on the table It's from putting it on the table now You can be able to pick some red flags of an abusive person or not, but not from expectations That's my personal opinion. Thank you so much. Thank you so much Now we go back there to the second to the last batch of our questions. Go ahead Nicholas With a suit. Yeah, wishing masanga quick recovery. Thank you so much Assuming that you've just dated for three months three to four months Then you fall in love that you start dating Yeah, then the person you are dating maybe that the man Starts being start abusing emotionally. So what advice could you give the person who is being? Who is being abused? Okay, so if I get So what advice would you give someone who's being okay behind you? All right My name is Lillian From this discussion that you're having Could you say that having a prost traumatic stress disorder is one of the? Consequences that someone can go through when they experience emotional violence and to what extent should they? Feel like it's time to Just quit Yeah, okay for that question and then lastly right in front here to the gentleman here Unfortunately, you might not have time. So what's your name? Yeah, go ahead. They are right there. Okay. You had a question, right? Yes, I had a question. Please go ahead. Oh, thank you Thank you. I'm Dennis smart. Well, I just had a simple question like let's say for instance You have tried like to say like this person will change what like is there a time like you can say that like Advocating Chance is not changing. Can you is that him like you can say you're ready to quit for the relationship? Okay? Yes, okay. Thank you so much. Please feel free. All right. Um, as I was saying when you talk of Exhibiting emotional lab is you mean when dating like when you're still dating or after marriage No, the the gentleman in a suit allow me to Refer to you Maybe you are you are just friends. You are in that process. You are approaching the dating process Then after after starting the day after you start now the relationship the guy starts Abusing you emotionally. So what advice could you give the lady? Again, I would still take you back to that merit. I talked about it You need to also I only say first examine yourself before you go to someone else So if you if you you truly have no hand and again, I'll make this disclaimer I'm not saying that you have to be blamed to be abused. But of course there's some factors like That contributes or even feed that abusive environment as a person and an example that I will give is Let's say if if for real you keep nagging you keep, you know You know who clearly they say some more when you some more, right? Those are the things that you need to to be aware about yourself But it still doesn't give the person a right to belittle you remember We have specifics to emotional abuse. So be aware of what you're referring to as emotional abuse I mean someone refusing to take you to carnival for a date That's not emotional abuse and they have reasons and remember we talked about a constant pattern You know always putting you down. You're successful like if you have your successes you've graduated They have nothing to say about that. They don't rejoice in your achievements. That's a red flag With that I would advise them To stop it while it's still early and Remember you're talking about two three months a Marriage should be for eternity because I'm you know, I come from a Christian background That is what is baseline However, there are situations that you know, if it's a life-and-death situation and life and death remember We don't mean physical you can emotionally you can die and that means you're a shell. So you need to live early enough On PSTD what you call post traumatic PTSD post traumatic stress disorder It actually goes both ways even for the abuser that must that might have been the beginning of them being an abusive person And now for you as a victim It's your beginning But for the abuser, it's their end game. So it's like a vicious cycle. So when it comes to that a lot of Being aware about the situation because remember as I said when you're talking of relationships, it can be the dating or in a marriage So if it's dating You probably will see me. I don't have time to deal with this because remember even if it's someone who has a problem Even if it's someone who was abused as a child You have no Obligation to take care of them as you lose yourself. That's very important So you can facilitate and give them ideas of how they can take care of them If they get to a point where they have healed and they can no longer abuse Eoniau and only God knows if you can ever even patch up from where you left But don't take care of someone else at the expense of your sanity and at the expense of your health So know how when to cut that boundary and for you again I cannot say this enough. So this is how you live and call me miss be real It's just about Checking yourself and be real and call it quits simply because for real it's not working for you. It's working against you perfect, please Gonna read a few comments here Betty Chepson What a great show and I stop it. God bless God bless you to Betty Chepson then Just thoughts are musioka Good night to everyone watching the show today's show has mentored my friend who is passing through emotional abuse. Thanks so much. Just thought Good night Then we've got Thank you just what then kitty melody Hashtag the part of show How do you help one who is experiencing emotional abuse to overcome the situation safely without getting without anyone being heart and How do you deal with people who go through emotional abuse when they insist to stay in a relationship? Where they are emotionally abused and also physically abused. So those are two questions there. I think you have 101 partly So, how do you help someone who insist on staying in an abusive relationship then silly? Oh, sorry. Sorry sly Hello, the show has been so amazing and educated from it I have learned to never to make someone a priority shout out to Pauletti They know and all the audience present make some noise for yourself Alrighty, so please handle that to my my our timing is out, but you can I'm sure you can answer that In a nutshell remember emotional abuse can also be end up being fatal Simply because it's not physical doesn't mean that it cannot lead to a physical affair even to yourself We've had numerous suicides simply because you were emotionally abused. So when it comes to That I also urge everyone to be your brothers and sisters keepers should you note that something is amiss You can try and intervene. You can try and stand in the gap. However, I cannot insist enough There's a question there. What do you do to someone who has refused to leave? I just become a show They are not at it can be very bad to the outside world But trust me the minute you get to the wall is the minute you engage your brains So in that particular situation, you can only intervene be there for them Maybe make sure they don't harm themselves in any creative way possible. Take them out Be there as often as possible, but the back stops At you who is the victim? You're the only one who can change the environment for yourself I just said God created you without you, but he cannot save you without you Exactly you got to do you got to accept the invitation. Yeah, exactly, right? So thank you so much for watching. There is one gentleman here. What's your please pass the mic quickly into this gentleman in white Who is who's who's mommy's celebrating a birthday? Oh, yeah, it's sorry. It's a back there. Sorry. Yeah, but also you. Yeah Just a quick shout out to your who is celebrating that Who's who's mom is celebrating but there's two days at you? Ah, yes, the lady. Let's go ahead chop chop I wish a shout out to your mom So hi mom wherever you are. I know you're watching Sarah Nhamura. Happy birthday to you and I love you so much So Sarah Nhamura is Happy birthday from from from the part of show from Y25 for mommy and may God bless you so so much and thank you Again once or more to my audience make some noise for yourselves Thank you so much Phillies where you more my share here for being part of this show and sharing So deeply about emotional abuse in the relationships and I'm sure you have helped both the audience and viewers at home Thank you so much for agreeing to be part of the show And I want also to thank you all for who for watching the show and enjoying it And I hope you have learned something and also we keep praying for Enok Masangu is part of this show that he Recovers and gets well and joins us with the with the live band next In the coming show so God bless you and see you next when it's done 17 We shall be talking more and more to keep educating and and getting entertained