 Stephen, who had been educated in a neighborhood school through the sixth grade, finds himself going into a new facility, one where he only knows a few of his fellow students. There are many interesting new people to meet, but everything is so different. He wonders what he has in common with these people other than his age and educational maturity. The big thing is that they are all kids his age, and they also are coming into this new experience with him. They will be in the same school, and will be learning from the same teaching staff. But there is ever so much more, because they almost all have families. They share a general belief system with them. They are citizens of a county, state, and nation. They are human, and came into this world from parents. They all have the same human strengths and weaknesses in various extents. They are all either boys or girls. In this local context, they probably all speak the same language. Indeed, they have much in common already. It is only the personal relationship with other seventh grade students that is missing. One of the important things that they share is the urge to be with others who are somehow like them. They seek for friends and groups of people where they can share with others. They seek to become effective adults, though the details of what an effective adult is may be quite variable. They are all human beings with everything that implies. They are somehow like to every other human throughout the world, and like to every person who ever was or will be. Stephen has done nothing to join a county, state, or nation. He has no intentional decision to make about citizenship in the nation, or becoming a member of humanity. He is, like all those in the new environment linked by association, and association is the most diffuse of all human relationships, because there is no freedom to enter into associations and little opportunity to quit being a member. Stevens can find importance in these associations, as this is how he knows a great deal about other people. They are like to him in many ways, as they are also associated with him. Most importantly, he knows that they are also seeking to know other people, to find their own friends. They are seeking groups to belong to where they will be appreciated. They will be trying to find where they fit in this new environment. They will speak the same language and have much the same ability to say what they want to say and be understood by other kids. They will have the like maturity and will react with reasonable level of predictability to various situations. For personal effectiveness, Steven should realize that being alone is a choice, and that he has an opportunity to intelligently make choices. He gets to make friends, but must pay the price of realizing that he has to be a friend to have others be his friend. He can satisfy his own social purposes in this, but only through accepting the importance of other kids finding their way as well. If he is going to be important to other children, then they are going to have to be important to him. Of course, this doesn't work with any particular person. The other person is also his or her own decision maker, and the choice to be friends only matters when they are both agreed on the value they will find in being friends. What makes friendship so effective is another very human reaction. If someone offers friendship, it is generally because they already want to be your friend. That is already finding value in being your friend, and there is nothing more attractive than someone who finds you attractive. The value of friendship is already offered, and all it takes to receive it is to agree to be a friend to the one who offers. If Steven shows any specific interest in some other student, it is an offer. Making friends with that specific person may not succeed, but the offer is made. Being alone is a choice. When Steven is very shy and keeps his opinions of others to himself, it is likely that he will be given offers of friendship by others. He has the choice of friendship by simply being a friend to those who are offering friendship to him. As we grow and mature, effectively becoming somewhat different people than our younger selves, our friendships and other relationships shift with us. The same is true, of course, for others, and friendships shrink or grow and are even replaced as we pass through our teenage years. That is also human.