 Hi everybody, welcome to Mindset Mondays. We're Roseanne and Jenny. I am Roseanne and I'm from Yuma, Arizona and I'm an enrollment and client journey coach inside one of our alcohol-free lifestyle programs called Project 90. And I'm Jenny and I'm in Northern Ireland and I'm the community manager for the 30-day New Alcohol Challenge Program. Hi Jenny, welcome. I'm welcome, it's just like our thing, right? It's our date on Mondays. So it's nice to have a date with you every Monday. It's the closest thing to a date I ever get, Roseanne. Anyway, we're broadcasting this on Facebook Live across a multiple of public and private platforms and we're also recording this for our podcast listeners who will be listening to it next Monday. If you're listening to our podcast, make sure that you know that you can access these Facebook Lives through one of our Facebook pages that is open and not private called Alcohol-Free Lifestyle. If you'd like to know more about Jenny or me, please feel free to tune into our alcohol-free podcast available on iTunes and Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher and YouTube. My stories can be found on episode 19 and Jenny's is on episode 39. There's also a multitude of stories and interviews there for you to be inspired. Before we get started, I wanna offer you some free stuff by way of the Alcohol Freedom Formula Guide. This resource will be available below in the chat for those of you watching on Facebook Live broadcasts and if you're listening to us on the podcast, there'll be instructions about how to gain access to that guide after the show is over. Today, I am going to hand this over to my friend Jenny who is nine months alcohol-free today. Woo-hoo, we have clappers. I've got my Union Jack in pieces. This will get a special way for any time someone's watching from the UK. Wow, UK, we need to recruit from the UK. We actually have a lot of people in our programs from the UK, but we haven't found them on Facebook Live yet. Anyway, Jenny today is gonna be talking about how to fill the void when you go alcohol-free. Thank you to Marta for opposing this question. We really appreciate our listeners just pinging in. Us and giving us content. That's really the most valuable way for us to engage with you. So off to you, Jenny. Thank you, Roseanne. Yes, thank you, Marta, for this question. It's a really good one. I think especially at the moment when a lot of us are in lockdown, it's quite easy to get that boredom love kind of feeling. You know, when you stop drinking, it actually takes a little bit of time to bring all the life to start filling that void as we call it. But when you think about it, actually what is more boring than staying on the TV drinking yourself into oblivion and then not having the energy or the focus to do anything the next day? Really what's more boring than nursing a hangover? I don't know about you, Roseanne, but since I've been alcohol-free, I have just had so much more time to watch more energy. You know, in the last nine months, I've set up a business. I've started volunteering. I've got involved in the 30-day community. I've completely redecorated my bedroom. I've upcycled some furniture. I mean, I've just had the energy to do things. If you're looking at the bags under my eyes, you can tell that I would give my right arm for a bit of boredom at the minute. So, yeah, I mean, what about you, Roseanne? What have you done in the last year? And what do you see people doing on Project 90? Because that's where you see big changes. Yeah, it's interesting because this topic has been coming up a lot inside Project 90, the boredom aspect. And I can share with you on that, but it made me reflect on my own journey. In my own journey, well, let's just talk about when I was drinking because it used to start every night at six, seven o'clock at night and I'd turn on the TV and pour my wine and so it would begin all night in front of the TV every night. As a matter of fact, I have, oh, my phone's not by me, but I can quote by memory, the time that I spent drinking on the app that I'm tracking, I'm almost on my year tomorrow, yay. But I have saved just drinking, not recovering from hangovers, just drinking time, 1,020 hours over that year. So anyway, just reflecting on that thing. So I used to sit in front of the TV and I don't know, I must have started doing other things because now I barely get to watch TV an hour a week. I actually have to force myself to put on the news to just get some, you know, some form of entertainment. So I've definitely filled it up with reading, cleaning the kitchen, calling friends, making plans for the next day. Yeah, I don't even know. All I know is my life looks a lot like yours. It's filled up during COVID, which is interesting too. I feel just complete other than dying and wanting to get out of the house due to COVID, but yeah, filled up lots of time. Do you want me to go on to the Project 90 stuff? Yeah, please, please. Yeah, some of the things I've heard about in Project 90 that people do, we have a young man in there and I thought this was very sweet. When he first started his journey, he said he was really bored. So he decided to start cooking dinner for his wife. That sounds like a really great thing. So yeah, that's how he solved his. A lot of people take up exercise because we're drinking a lot, we're just unmotivated. So, you know, whether it's a morning walk or an afternoon walk, just doing anything to take away that time. What other things? My sister, actually, I remember this, she quit smoking, oh God, decades ago. She used to do jumping jacks. Like, I suppose that's a, you know, anything to take away from the focus of the drinking, right? Some people that used to maybe refinished furniture, start painting. Some people are taking up an instrument, playing more with their kids. I mean, it's kind of endless, right? Volunteering, I volunteer more. I definitely volunteer more. So, yeah, I actually look for my self-care time more now. Definitely not bored, but. Yeah, and I just think because you've had the energy and the charity, you can be bothered to do things. I think for me, part of the whole drinking, nursing, the hangover cycle was I just couldn't be, there were plenty of things that I could be doing and should be doing. I just couldn't be bothered. And then I wondered why I was bored. But, you know, Rosanna, I was thinking about the other side of the equation, which is sometimes a bit of boredom is not a bad thing. If you look at lots of psychology research, you will say that boredom is, it's actually quite important in terms of your creativity. It's important in terms of your mental health and your wellbeing. Actually, daydreaming is a really, really healthy activity. And I always remember Coach Cameron, Project 90, saying that, you know, life is, life's a bit like a symphony. So there are high notes and we all know there are low notes, but there are pauses and that's all part of the cadence. And, you know, sometimes, and I think it was the wonderful Danny from Project 90, he said, sometimes just being is doing. You know, it's okay sometimes to just sit and be. And, you know, any great creative person ever will tell you that boredom is an essential part of creative process. Put a little bit of wordsworth here. You know, what is this world? If it's full of care, we have no time to stand and stare. And sometimes just that moment of boredom, that moment of nothingness is what gives us a little break and a little respite and then ready to move on to the next thing. So I wouldn't not boredom in and of itself. And I think it's really good for us to take time for ourselves and I think any of us who are going through this alphabetical journey really start to understand the importance of self-care. You'd agree with that with me, Roseanne. I know facts are a big thing for you now, as they are for me. Yeah, no, I never used to do because, you know, again, I quit during the height of COVID and March 9th of last year and, you know, being inside by yourself, it's kind of tough. But just learning to sit, I think I accomplished a lot of things at once sometimes when I even do the bath because I listen to audible. And so I'm kind of listening and filling my mind with something and learning something. I'm relaxing. I feel it costs no money. Yeah, I feel like I'm taking care of myself. And I just think for those that are parents and running a business or working, there's just, you're always running to something else. And when you free up those hours, that's why it is a big question. I mean, in the enrollment calls, you're like, when am I gonna find the time to even do this? I go, oh, trust me, you're gonna have so much more time in your day. And that's kind of what happens as we develop more time in our day. I mean, I remember when I was in Project 90, I basically went on, because I knew I needed that level of support. I went on every single call. So that was 19 minutes on a Monday, a Tuesday, a Thursday, a Friday, plus my one-to-one with Kevin on the Wednesday. No, where in the name of goodness would I have time to do that had I still been thinking? And yet I was able to carve out quite a lot of hours every week, just because I have the space to do it. So yeah, there's just amazing how much time it brings up. And I do think it's really important that quite a lot of that time, especially in the early days, is spent on self-care, because I think when you're drinking, not only are you not looking after yourself, but you tend to put yourself right at the bottom of the pile, maybe because you feel a bit guilty, you feel a bit ashamed, you don't like yourself very much. I certainly find out. And I think what we're, excuse me, one of the upshots of that is you just don't look after yourself, you'll stop. I'm just having the time to do that. I'm taking the time to do that, is really, really important. All right. And I'm thinking out loud here because our conversation has sparked some thought for myself. Do you think there's a difference between how you keep busy in the front end, the first two weeks to a month versus how you keep busy after? Because, and the reason I ask that is when we stop and we sit and we will reflect and we're calm, sometimes we're with those thoughts that we were trying to avoid. And that's the reason we drank. And I don't know the answer to this. So I'm asking you, here's where I'm leaning. In the beginning, I'm thinking busyness is good. Distraction, exercise, cook, dinner, whatever, because you need to just keep that busyness going while your body is detoxing. And then you focus on the things that the stress and the triggers and then doing, what do you think about that? I completely agree. I think that's a brilliant point. I think the first few weeks, actually, yeah, keep yourself busy. Exercise, treats, being good to yourself. Distractions, whether that's reading, audio or books. Sugar. Sugar and chocolate. It doesn't matter just, yeah, keep yourself busy in the first few weeks. And don't worry about the bigger thoughts. If you can, all you need to do in the first few weeks in particular is not pick up a glass and do whatever it takes to achieve that. And then you'll find as that starts, I certainly find as it starts, that starts to become a bit easier. Yeah. What happens? The feelings start to come, because when you're drinking, you're numbing the bad feelings as well as the good feeling. That's why a lot of the strength in the first place, I certainly was drinking the technique of the pain around my husband's illness and so on. So those feelings start to come to the surface in a much more raw way. And the time will come when you have to deal with those. But in the early days, my mantra for everyone in the early days is just be kind to yourself. Treat your being alcohol-free like you treat a little chicken that's just hatched. Do anything and everything to stop it getting squished. Just protect, protect, protect. And the bigger stuff will come in due course. Right. No, I agree. I, it's knowing that that habit. I was, I did a, I did a Marco Polo on Project 90. And I'm a very, for those of you watching, I'm gonna do something. And just like more flowcharty because that's kind of how I get things. So you start, I'm starting my finger at the top trigger then I move here, thought, then I move there, drink. Trigger, thought, drink, trigger, thought, drink. So I'm just moving my finger from left to right to left. But what I'm trying to do when I engage in something else is trigger, thought, do something different. I imagine a straight line I guess instead of a zigzag line. So it's developing that neuro pathway that gets to me more and more comfortable in what I was trying to tell people in Marco Polo. You know, you're at nine months, almost a year. It works. I couldn't imagine. I just couldn't imagine going to a party, having my friends, going to Vegas, doing a river trip without alcohol, because that's what it, and now I can't wait to do it without. It's crazy when you can adjust your, when you can adjust your frame of mind and know that this isn't a character flaw, it's a habit that needs to be worked on and broken. So. It takes a little bit of time. And you know, I see people in the 30 days in the 30 day community, you know, all the time, start struggling with the early days because it's not easy because you were trying to change a very, very, very ingrained habit. Gordon just posted a comment to say, he's envious. And you know, if anyone is envious that we're sitting here on nine months, I'll go free Rosanna's a year after all three. Come on board. Come on board. It will come on me. You know, the first thing. I have to arrest you. I'm gonna answer for you. Because the stiff upper lip girl is now having fun. Like you were joking just a little bit. I gotta wave my flag again. Just because I can. No, it just, it gives you, it does, it gives you this freedom to just be yourself and not be embarrassed or worry about who it was. But you know, yeah, I just, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I interrupted you, but I just thought it was cute how you're just having more and more fun. And you can definitely see that it's just freeing. You know, it's just freeing. Do you agree? Yeah, absolutely. And you know, the thing is that the first, the first few weeks are the hardest. And what is heartbreaking is to see people I can say this because this was me going back to day one again and again and again and it stays one, two, three, four, five, six, 25 that are the hardest. Once you break through that barrier, it just starts to open up and I suppose because you are reaching your brain it starts to get easier. I've been asking any tips or tricks to avoid missing, missing my habit of being drunk again. That's a really good question, Ivan. Thank you. You know, I think, you know, why did we drink? We felt we were getting something out of it. And sure, maybe that first drink, the first couple of drinks you start to get that little warm, fuzzy feeling. You feel the edge being taken off your anxiety, whatever it is. But I would just always say to people, play the video through to the end. So it might be okay for half an hour and then what happens? You have another drink, you have another one, you have another one. I'm speaking completely from personal experience. You know, I'm someone for whom one was too many and 10 wasn't enough. So I couldn't stop once I'd started and then end of the night, wretched, next day wretched. So just play that video through to the end. Watch yourself to see what the outcome of that initial drink is going to be. Just try and see that bigger picture. I'm gonna approach it a different way and just add to it, I guess. Add to what you're saying, because I agree playing that video to the end is probably one of the most important points before you make that decision point. But the other things I can add for Ivan is one, do you wanna continue doing what you're doing as the friendship important because James always talks about the attitude you're going in with. Like, I wanna have fun. Don't go, oh, I'm not drinking, I can't drink. Like, you know, it's, I forgot what percentage he says. It's 60 or 70% of how you say it. Hey, I'm giving it a break. Man, I'm here, I'm having fun. Like, you know, fake it till you feel it because you will feel it. At first it's uncomfortable, but hey, just, I'm just giving this a shot for 90 days. See how it feels. Like, go for it, I'll be designated driver. Like, woohoo, like, isn't that cool? And it's really about your attitude shift and just forcing it and forcing it because you can't be a wet rag. Otherwise that's how you're gonna feel. Because remember it's a mindset shift and it does happen with practice. And to be honest with that, anyone who's Sonia, hey, Tuesday morning to you. Sonia is doing so well, alcohol-free. I can't actually keep up with her day kind of thing. She's just rocking it. But yeah, you know, I've completely forgotten what I was gonna say. That's the trouble when you pick up people's comments. It destroys your train of thought. Sonia's on day 52, well, you know, there you go. And once you get through the first few weeks, it just gets easier and easier because as we keep saying, you're retraining your mind and it is about attitude. It's so much about attitude. And you know what, alcohol hasn't been serving you. Anyone who's watching this, anyone who's part of any of our programs is there because they have realized that alcohol in one way, shape or form, hasn't been serving them. So why not give the alternative a go? Give it 30 days, give it 60 days, give it 90 days. Am I to promise you, as you know, all too well as well as I am, what you see on the other side is just more than you can probably imagine at this particular point. And Cora is on 10 days of our go. For you, Cora, you've got the worst bit behind you. That's fabulous, keep going. You've done the tough stuff. I'm gonna add one more thought to Ivan's question and then we can close it down too because we are running out of time. But the other thing, Ivan, that you can consider is two different strategies. One is to avoid those triggers for you in the first part of your journey, whether that's two weeks, three weeks a month and build up that mental mindset and feel and experience the power and how you're feeling without drinking. So get those triggers out of your life and then introduce them with positivity. And that will help you kind of go longer term. So any final thoughts? Thank you, Victor. Victor is motivated by being alcohol-free. Good, that's what we want more people to motivate. Yeah, and I love the fact, I mean, I see pictures coming in from people that are very young and I just love it that the younger people are realizing this isn't the way to live life. Danny says, intuition and insight. Oops, sorry, Danny, I lost you. Okay, intuition and insight comes from the quieter, wiser, loose guy place of our thinking. I think that's absolutely right. I think we have to just sometimes have time to be, not even to be thinking specifically about anything. That, for me, is when the good ideas come through. So yeah, boredom doesn't have to be a bad thing, but in the early days, keep yourself busy and distract yourself and be very, very kind to yourself. Yeah, I agree. Well, Jenny, for this week, I am going to congratulate you as Cassandra is too, nine months off the hallway today, whoo-hoo. I wanna thank everyone for coming in and remind you that we need questions for content. We can always make questions up. We're pretty good at that. I mean, we can, but it's a much better coming from you all. So anyway, if you have any more interest in talking about Project 90 and how we help people change their relationship with alcohol over 90 days, Melanie is on the side and she's posting a link to get on my schedule. Also, if you're listening to the podcast, you'll hear a commercial that gives you access to the link and how to book a call and make an appointment. Anyway, we have some wonderful coaches waiting for you to talk to you how you can change your life for the positive. And Jenny and I are here to vouch for it, right? So, all right, everybody, until next week. Thanks for listening to the Alcohol Free Lifestyle podcast. I wanna load you up with some free stuff right now. So, if you wanna go to jameswanick.com slash guide, I will send you my quit alcohol guide, which has helped six figure entrepreneurs and top professionals reduce or quit drinking. You can also text the word quit guide to the number 44222 if you're in the US, of course. It doesn't really work anywhere outside of the US. But if you're in the US on your mobile phone and you'd like that guide, text the word quit guide to the number 44222 or you can go to jameswanick.com slash guide. If you'd like to schedule a free 15-minute call with one of my top coaches, just an exploratory call to see if or how we can help you, then you can go to jameswanick.com slash schedule or you can text the word project 90 to the number 44222 if you're listening in the US on a mobile phone. That's jameswanick.com slash schedule or you can text the word project 90, that's one word, project 90, to the number 44222. Feel free to send me a direct message over on my Instagram account, which is at jameswanick. You can also watch video episodes of this podcast and a series of other educational videos on my YouTube channel, which is jameswanick1 or you can direct message me on Facebook at jameswanickofficial. And finally, a request. 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