 Ending the pain caused by narcissists. It's no secret that narcissists cause us a lot of pain. They cause a lot of damage and destruction to our lives. And they leave us alone by ourselves to pick up the pieces, to make things better again on our own. And the problem we have is that once someone has abused us, once someone has exploited us, taken advantage of us, we end up looking to them for the answer. We end up expecting them to save us from the very damage that they have caused. We expect them to make things better. This is what is known as the trauma bond, as many of you may know. The narcissist has traumatized you. They've put you through hell. They've made your life difficult. They've affected your health and well-being. And it's really affected you. It's brought you down. Many of you are experiencing anxiety and depression. Many of you are suffering from financial difficulties. Many of you are isolated from your family and friends. You spend all of your time alone. There's no one that you can turn to for help. And you expect validation from the narcissist. You expect them to hold your hand and tell you that everything is going to be okay. And, yeah, I get it. They've hurt you. They've caused problems for you. They've discarded you. So you're expecting some form of retribution. You're expecting something in return for the difficulty and inconveniences that they have caused to you. And with a normal person, that is perfectly understandable. You may expect them to be there for you. To fix the damage that they've caused. To end the pain. To provide you with emotional support. Yeah, you may expect a normal person to do that. But let's be real here. We're talking about narcissists. And you should not expect shit from a narcissist. You have to remember that this is the same person that did all of those things to you. And now you're expecting them to make it better. You're expecting them to heal your wounds. Which is something they're never going to do. The reason why you ended up in this situation in the first place is because they lacked consideration for you. Because they were preoccupied with their own self-interest and needs. And if you're seeking validation from the narcissist, they're just going to give you breadcrumbs. They're going to give you the bare minimum just to keep you coming back. To keep you holding on. To keep you expecting something that they have promised to you in the future. The future faking. But I can tell you right now, whatever they've promised you, you are not going to get that. I don't care what it is. If it's a marriage, children, maybe you're planning to buy a home together. You're planning to take trips abroad. It's not going to happen. It's future faking. And it works very well with the trauma bond. Because the whole point of the trauma bond is that you're expecting some relief from the pain and trauma. From the very person who did that to you. And it's crazy when you think about it. If someone came up to you on the street and punched you in the face and then they ran away, would you go looking for that person to help heal your wounds? To help make things better for you? Of course you wouldn't. You would do anything you can to avoid that person for the rest of your life. Because you already know they mean you know well. And yeah, I get it though, because a lot of these narcissists that people are dealing with, they are covert. They play their role. They put on an act as though they're there for you. They're there to help you to make your life better when in actuality they're just using you. It's hard for a lot of you to accept. But I've said it so many times in my videos and I will say it again. They do not love you. They do not care about you. If they did, they would not be doing those things. They would not have deliberately hurt you time and time again. If someone loves you, breaking you would break them. So let's talk about ending the pain. We've talked about how not to end the pain. Going back to the narcissist, seeking validation, that's going to prolong the pain. That's going to intensify it. If you want to end the pain caused by narcissistic abuse, you need to self-reflect and go within. You need to heal yourself. You need to... depend on yourself. And yeah, I know it's easier said than done. After all of the things they said to you, they targeted your self-esteem. They made you feel like you're not good enough for anyone or anything. They made you feel so small. I get that. Makes you feel like you can't make it on your own. Makes you feel like you can't climb out of this pit of misery that they dumped you in. But you can. You can do it. I've dealt with narcissists myself on many occasions. And they've put me through hell. They made my life more difficult than I ever thought I could imagine. But time and time again, I climbed out of the ditch that they dug for me. And I know that you can do that as well. I know that you are all capable of it. The true test of a man is not about how much you accumulate throughout your life. It's not about your accomplishments, your job, how much money you make, how many women you have sex with. The true test of a man has nothing to do with that. None of that stuff really makes you a man. The true test of a man is understanding that life can be hard. And you're gonna go through some things. You're gonna struggle. You're gonna experience difficulties. You're gonna go through the trials and tribulations whether you like it or not. But what really tests you is whether or not you can get back up and try again. Like despite everything they threw at you, everything they said and did to you. Despite it all, you still get back up. You still keep going. Even if you're crawling on your hands and knees, you're still doing it. And at the end of it all, you can say, you didn't break me. Look, I'm still able to do what I need to do. And that's really what it's all about. Thanks for the donation, new mess. I appreciate it. Yeah, that's really what it's all about. It's not about just moving through life in an effortless way with no problems, with nothing going wrong. Anyone can do that. That doesn't make you a strong person. You've got to go through some difficult things. And when you get back up again, you've got to play strength. That's what makes you strong. And that's really what ends the pain as well. Yeah. There may have been some tough times in the past. People may have said and done some things to you. But it's about looking forward to the future. Realising that you have something ahead of you. Something to look forward to. And you need to connect your love, passion and enthusiasm into that. You may have had a lot of love and enthusiasm for the narcissist. But that didn't result in anything beneficial for you. It ruined you. It destroyed you. It did. But that doesn't mean that that love and passion is a bad thing, no. It's a good thing if you put it in the right direction. If you put it towards the right things, then it can manifest into something beautiful. It's not just about having good, clean, positive energy. That's one part of it. But it has to be directed into the right place. You can water a dead flower all day, every day. For months, you can give it all of the sunlight in the world. It's not going to make a difference. That flower is dead. But if you water a seed and you give that seed sunshine, one day it's going to grow into a beautiful flower. You really need to think about where you invest your time and energy. Are you investing it in things that are no good for you? I mean, following narcissistic abuse, many people turn to alcohol, drugs, casual sex, these things are not helping you. So, you need to direct your energy to the right things, the right people. When you're going to reap the rewards, then you will get to enjoy the fruits of your labour. But, as I said, it has to be invested in things that are reciprocal, where there is an equal exchange, because otherwise it's just going to drain you. It's going to hurt you. It's going to break you down over time. And then you're just going to go through the same shit again and again. But at that point you have no one to blame but yourself, because you've been through it once before, twice before, however many times, and by that point you should know. You should know who is not deserving of your time and energy. You should know that now. And yeah, I get it, I know sometimes they can put on an act, they can mislead us. But as soon as you do know, as soon as you identify it, you see the bread flags. You've got to get yourself out of there. Stop seeking validation from them, stop expecting them to make things okay for you. Let me put it like this, right? Let's say you've been with a narcissist for one year, two years, five years. Look back throughout that time. How much change have you seen? What have you gotten out of it? How much have you invested into it, of yourself? Are you prepared to wait that same amount of time to see the same amount of progress? I guess the answer is no. Many of you do want to cure this, but it's something you're going to have to accept. No one is coming to save you. No one is going to do the work for you and make your life better. Help you heal. No one's going to come and do that. People don't care. They're too worried about their own lives. And that's what you should be doing too. You should be focused on your life. The person that you have been waiting for, the person that you've been expecting to just appear one day, that person who you're hoping to make everything better for you, to change your life. That person is you. You just have to take the steps to make it happen. You are the person that you have been waiting for. And no one else is going to be that for you. Go ahead and try and see that I'm right. I promise one by one they will all let you down at one point. They will all disappoint you. No one can be better than you. No one can be better for you than you. That's what I tell myself every day. And it's true. And I want you all to know that people can be the icing on the cake. They can compliment you and your life. But they can't complete you. You must complete yourself. You must become the best version of yourself. And of course it's not all about you. It's not all about you just doing everything for yourself and just forget about everyone else. Of course not. I want to be the best version of myself so that I can share it with other people. I want to give the best of myself to you. I want to see you all thrive and live in your best lives. That's why I do this. That's why I've been able to put out these videos every day for over four years because there's nothing greater for me than being the person that I never had in my life. When I was going through tough times all of those things I had to go through with a narcissist and no one was there for me. I couldn't talk to anyone. I was alone for two years. And yeah, I wish I had someone there for me. And I want to be that person for you. And I know that I am for many of you. I hope that my story inspires you because eventually I realize that no one was going to make it happen for me. No one was going to come in my pain. No one cared about what I was going through. And that doesn't mean that everyone's a narcissist. It just means that people have their own lives. They've got their own things to worry about. Just like many of us, we can't be there for other people because we're going through our own things. It's just how it is sometimes. But honestly, the best thing you can do is to end your own pain. To heal yourself. To validate yourself. There's no better feeling in the world. Stop depending on the narcissist. I know many of you are financially dependent on them. And you are really putting yourself in a dangerous position by doing that. Because at any moment they could take it away. And then you're stuck. I know you all saw that TikTok video I posted recently. I know we don't know the full story of that. But it seemed as though one of them was financially dependent on the other. And yeah, they ended up in a very difficult situation. So make sure you're able to take care of yourself. Make sure you have your own job. There's nothing narcissistic about that. I mean, yeah, it's nice when someone wants to take care of you. But that is actually what narcissists do. Narcissists come into your life and they want to control you with money. They keep you dependent on them financially. Because that's how they keep you stuck. They know that no matter what you'll keep coming back to them for that. This video is about finding your own strength. Your independence. That's how you end your pain. When you're able to make yourself happy. You have purpose in your life. You give your life meaning. You have passion and enthusiasm for your future. Because you know that your future is in your hands. So yeah, put yourself in that position. Astro Girl says, my heart physically hurts sometimes, but you're right. I'm so sorry to hear that Astro Girl. But I understand at some level what you're going through, because I believe I've been through a similar experience myself. And I know it's not nice. And it's not just heartbreak. It's so much more than that. When you're dealing with a narcissist. I mean, that's someone you thought you could depend on. You trusted them. And they betrayed you. It's like they ripped out your heart. And then they snapped all over it. That's how it feels. And yet we're expecting them to come back and fix our broken hearts. We have to fix ourselves. No one else is going to do that. As I've always said, practice mindfulness. Meditation. Go for a walk in the park or by the beach. Listen to some relaxing, uplifting music. Maybe while you're having a bath. With bath salts, essential oils. Practice deep breathing. Watch my videos whenever you can. Because that will drive it home to you about the narcissist. And why they do what they do. And why they're never going to change. It's important to remember that. Take away your hope. They'd love you to hope and hope. Forever and ever. For the rest of your life. They would love you to do that because that's how they control you. That's how they keep you stuck. But I'm telling you to take away your hope because nothing is going to change. The only way that things are going to change is if you take action. Otherwise you're going to experience the same thing for the rest of your life. I know many people have been stuck with narcissists for 40, 50 years in a marriage. So yeah, take away your hope. They will use that against you. They like to use the future faking. They will promise something in the future in order to get what they want from you in the present. So yeah, that's why it's so important to focus on ending the pain yourself. So that you don't get trapped. You don't get stuck further into it. You free yourself by depending on yourself. And you will see that they don't like it. They don't like it when you become independent because you take away their control. They can't control you then. Just at this park here, you can see all the trees or the leaves have changed colour. Red, brown and orange. It's very cold out here but it's nice to come out for some cool air. It's refreshing. So yeah, continue to watch the videos. I upload new videos every day to drive at home so that you remember what they do, why they do it and why they will never change. And I also offer one-on-one coaching sessions as well. So if you would like to talk with me one-on-one, you can book a session with me right now. Just head to the website. It's narcsurvivor.co.uk. Other than that, that's all I've got to say for this video. And I'd just like to thank you all for taking the time out of your day to be here with me and support my content as always. So yeah, if you enjoyed it, please hit the thumbs up button down below and I will talk to you in another one very soon.