 So today we're going to dive into a title that I read from one of my contemporaries around why men would leave a woman When she helps him get back on his feet and this is a subject. I'm actually very it's kind of near and dear to my heart primarily because And let me ask if this resonates with any of you Not necessarily from personal from personal experience and that is I know for me personally after going through a door Turning 40 going through divorce about a decade and a half ago I found myself out in the dating marketplace now at this very same time. I lost my quarter million dollar a year job The market crash of 2008 was beginning. I was an emotional train wreck. I Was an emotional train wreck. It was very challenging me for well over a half a decade and quite frankly Took even much longer that to heal and yet during that time. I was craving companionship. I was craving connection I was craving sex but I was in no way able to commit during that period of my life because I was such a train wreck and What was interesting to me was I kept saying the words I want a relationship. I want a relationship I want a relationship and what I mean to say is I Wanted those things I said I wanted companionship connection and sex and and I knew that could only come to me in the guise of a relationship and So in the early stages of dating I would you know, I wouldn't I would Intimate that I wanted a relationship Now what was interesting also is during that period of time the minute I got close to someone The minute I got close to someone I would pull away My fear would pop up my my reluctance of Pursuing someone much past this short lived experience and I found myself pulling away and I'm gonna be candid with you. I didn't do this with any malicious intent I didn't do this from a place of wanting to hurt someone in fact quite the opposite. I Didn't continue Well, I have to really look back now I'm gonna pause for a second really look back because there was a pattern going on here where I would you know Kind of come on strong in the beginning because I was again desiring companionship connection and sex and yet and in some Cases there would be a short lived relationship only to end it saying I'm not ready for a relationship And I'd be back out on the dating apps right away Has this ever happened to you you've been with a man who implied he wanted relationship His life was a mess. He ended the relationship and then you could see he was on the dating apps literally the next day That's what happened to me and this went on for years and again, I didn't do this intentional I didn't do this maliciously. I didn't do this with the intent of hurting someone I was rather clueless to my own Emotional health during this period of time And for about the next five years I was I was I was in limbo. I was floundering and why I'm sharing this is This is what a lot of men go through a lot of women as well after you've gone through a divorce Maybe you've had a contentious divorce Maybe you've had job issues like in my case for some people it's health issues. Sometimes it's issues with your children Sometimes it's issues with elderly parents Whatever the the crisis that knocks you off your feet And if you follow my channel for a while, I Talk about the importance for a man to have the ground underneath him very solid for him to Actually lean into a healthy happy relationship It's one of the reasons why I created my private coaching program By the way, there's a link right here to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach Is right for you and there's a link below as well is As a coach, I actually help you figure out which men based on a series of questions And additionally based on your personality to determine if he's really relationship ready And so in a few minutes, I'm going to go through some of the reasons why a man would leave a woman Who helps him get back on his feet because in my case I I didn't this I didn't leave the person I was with we and I'm gonna share a personal story here. I did eventually about five years after my My ex-wife and I separated I met a woman who ended up practically reparenting me now thankfully She was in a position where She accepted that I was at the you know I was in the bottom I was in the bottom of the pit when I met her and she accepted me and I'm incredibly grateful for that And thankfully she never got dependent upon me She didn't give her power away to me in our relationship at the same time this person helped reparent me What I mean by reparent is when a man is off his feet He doesn't feel safe. He doesn't feel like he's even capable of taking care of himself Thankfully there are you know in some cases it's a blessing the curse But thankfully there are so many beautiful women who would support men not Financially support but emotionally support men when they're not on their feet and it's a beautiful aspect of Women's in many cases not all women, but many women's nature Okay to actually be loving and supporting partially because you see the good in men and Men do this as well. This isn't singular to just women and Sometimes enable women who aren't good for them But we're gonna give you some signs to look for well I just shared with you some of the signs to look for is he going through a contentious divorce does he have Issues going on in his professional life. Does he have issues with his children? Does he have issues with elderly parents? Maybe has issues with health? When I say issues they're they're Consuming him in his life that makes it difficult as I said before to have the ground underneath him solid and in these particular Cases it's important to spot these men sooner rather than later before you invest in someone Now I know it's critic. It's even harder sometimes to to differentiate between the men who do Say relationship talk like I did and The men who love bomb and and are approaching you from a very demonstrative and effusive place only have these men be Emotionally inept emotionally and mature or maybe even emotionally constipated. In fact, that's a big percentage of the population We're dealing with a population for those of us in midlife And I always say midlife is after baby making years and before retirement We're dealing with a population that's rather either has clinical issues or is rather Dysfunctional in their emotional maturity and their relationship skills Look, I'm your big brother I wish I could be there for you on a first date or while you're dating I'd have the shotgun out point at the guy's head and saying what's your intentions with my sister? What that is is it's a vetting process and we have to learn this vetting process Sooner rather than later before we give our heart to a person who may leave us The minute we get back on our feet So I want to share with you some notes. I created for this for this segment and I just want to say this Most men Yeah, I really have to evaluate is a person struggling in their life from a situational position or Is it a habitual one? Is it situational or habitual one for example? Sometimes you could just have a bad day at work. That's just situational But if you're actually going through crisis in your professional life, that's habitual And what I mean to say the emotional effects of that is going to be ongoing So it's important to differentiate between the situational versus what I say is habitual or continual Emotional crisis going on in his life. Here's the thing When a man gets so now let's just say you've been in this relationship with someone You've you've held out. He's gotten back on his feet whether his divorce is finalized whether issues with his children Has been resolved maybe is maybe parental issues changed maybe his professional life has changed Okay, I just want to kind of laid the foundation He's back on his feet the ground underneath them has been solid and you've been in with relationship with them for six You know three months six months a year a couple years Some of the reasons why they leave is and it's not because you're a bad person Let me just let me just Clarify that this has nothing to do with you being a bad person but he might be bored because the two of you have grown apart because He's been dealing with all this crisis what got you two together has been a has actually caused you to drift apart That's one of the reasons Another reason is the sex was off a lot again if the ground underneath the person isn't solid it can actually cause them to be less Intimate during their sexual during the sex But it also could be the sex was off in the beginning You know and then he's now like on his feet because he's been dependent upon you He's like I want to go meet me with someone else. I can have better sex with Here's one of the worst things that can happen I want to lean into this for a while is he views you as his mom He views you as his mom You know in a way when you're being this generous caretaker to this man when you're being this loving caretaker to this man It actually can come across as mother energy I know in my particular case when I shared with you the relationship I was in it actually turned into that kind of dynamic and interesting enough There was an age difference between as she was 10 years older. So in a way You know, I wonder if my childhood wounds and traumas attracted me to her If you're not familiar with the work of Imago by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt I'll spell that for you. I am a G oh Amago, I am GAO Someone post that in the chat box and write down Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt if you're not familiar with their work It talks about how we oftentimes choose relationships from a familiarity perspective Traditionally from one or both of our parents and in my particular case. I think this person had mother energy It's why I gravitated towards her I'm grateful for her because she did on some level Reparent me and by the way, she and I are very good friends And I only mentioned this in the sense we're good friends where we turned into family with one another and there's no regrets We had a very conscious uncoupling my sweetheart and I there she is right there Marie We've socialized with my ex-girlfriend and she has an amazing partner in her life Because I think in some ways I helped reparent her but that's for another conversation but there was mother energy going on and So if you find yourself in that care-taking role it can actually twist in a man's emotional psyche as what's I call? mother energy or he views you as his mom and Again, you're not doing anything wrong. You're just being your loving self and yet at the same time You have to be mindful of really choosing partners who are capable of leaning into a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship Why you have to ask better questions than the early stages so you don't find yourself in these kind of situations? Okay number four There was no real emotional intimacy there this relationship was built on the foundation of you being the caretaker for him And there wasn't any real emotional intimacy built in the relationship Here's one. There's a lack of intellectual stimulation Sometimes being a caretaker By the way, there's some beautiful women who are nurturers out there Which I think is very loving but in some cases they haven't developed their intellectual side They've been such good caretakers and nurturers and some men do crave that intellectual stimulation The other thing that happens when a man is back on his feet And why he might leave is now the relationship is too much responsibility for him whether it's a physical Responsibility or an emotional responsibility is just too much responsibility for him I know when I shared with you earlier when I was in the early stage of dating and I did these six week twelve week Relationships is because I was in a I was in a not a good place and in the beginning, you know It's kind of fun dating, you know can be fun. It's exciting But the minute it reached a point of having intimacy to having sex all of a sudden there was emotional responsibility as well as Financial responsibility and I'd hit my brick wall because I'm like that's as far as I can go Now again, it's easier for me to look back connecting these dots at the time. I wasn't necessarily aware of it of What was actually going on inside of me and again most men are good guys They're not doing this intentionally even if we are conscious aware of what's going on folks human emotions is Incredibly complex and I was just starting to experience my emotions probably for the first time in my life and I was in Absolute emotional chaos. That's why I was so emotionally Constipated during that period of my life and it took a lot of personal development self-help and spiritual work By the way kind of relates to my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work By the way, there's a link in the description below to get a copy of all the books I recommend in my videos. This is you know by by doing the work over a decade or two decades quite frankly Well, not quite two decades, but you know decade and a half prepared me for where I am at today Too much responsibility. I wasn't capable and this happens for a lot of men as well The other thing happens is is when we're in a world today where there's just so much choice so many opportunities that we Operate from this place of fear of missing out you're in this relationship and it's not quite right and you're thinking I got to be in another relationship. I got to be in another relationship because there's a better one out there There's a better one out there There was a movie I saw Growing up called hard bodies and they called it the bigger better deal the bigger better deal In other words, there's gonna be someone better out there. There's gonna be someone better out there I think this happens for a lot of men and women When they don't genuinely appreciate The person they're with they don't appreciate them and I say this now with real From a real heart-centered place because I can say honestly truly for the first time my life I'm in what I feel like is the most healthiest happiest relationship. I've ever been in And I I believe it's it's partially due to not just because she's this You know attractive woman or you know, we get along so well It's for the first time my life. I actually appreciate someone. I am in such gratitude This is a person we're both going through our own stuff in our lives And yet I want to be there for her and I know she wants to be there for me And I'm grateful for that and because of that gratitude. I can't ever imagine wanting anything Because you reach a point Some men Reach a point in midlife where it's no longer about trying to get the bigger better deal It's about experiencing life with someone that you want to go through the nooks and crannies of the the tough times as well as the good times and it's okay Because that's where the richness of a relationship Occurs Anyway, that's just a side note on my personal relationship and last but not least I said this before the minute a man gets on his feet He was with a woman Who saw him at his worst And now he's on his feet the ground underneath him feels solid and he wants to be a bright shiny penny to someone new I can I can appreciate how that might feel to a man I'm not sure I experienced it per se, but I can certainly appreciate how When someone else has seen us at our worst when someone has seen us at our weakest moment We don't want to be reminded of that in our lives and by ending a relationship leaving that person Is um is a frequent occurrence So what can we learn from all this? Ladies in the early stages of dating. I'm again highly focused on helping you Really vet if the two of you are genuinely compatible with one another Do you really know how to vet for emotional maturity? Vet for alignment. That's what I work on with women. Thankfully. I have clients calling me all the time Jonathan, I met a great guy Jonathan. I met a great guy Jonathan. I met a great guy and they know the difference and that's what I'd like to Help you as well So if you need some support on that check out the links below to a discovery call to my group Follow me on instagram all that good stuff and check out the books. I recommend All right. Well, uh, this is a morning video. We're dressed a little casual I think this is an opportunity To just begin with our q&a if you're not familiar with uh, my q. Oh by the way really quickly Let me backtrack for a second If you found value in this, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel Okay, please tell your friends and again check out all the links below All right. This would be a great place to start our q&a If you're not familiar with the q&a portion You simply write a question in the chat box or if you're watching a replay post a comment Um, or if you'd like, um hit the uh dollar sign To donate to my uh, well first off. I want to backtrack um If you'd like to support My work, uh, please purchase a super stick or super chat all the monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor asley. That's a picture of him right there. That's my son who passed away a few years ago And in his honor, I've donated to causes like the hoffman process or insight institute Just to name a few hit that little dollar sign if you're watching the replay hit a super thanks as well All right, I think it's time to take questions and I see there's a couple in here one from pamela. Hey, sweet art. How you doing? question You said that when you want to take care of someone the relationship is real How do you differentiate between that being a caretaker as you describe? Oh, I love this question so one of the fundamentals Of commitment and trust is actually leaning into the idea that I would like to take care of this person Now for a man, it's oftentimes that provider protector leaning into the financially supporting one another but what it means is that taking Taking care of someone and both both people wanting to take care of one another is that Is the is the wedding vows for richer for poorer sickness and health You know being there beyond the the the good times in other words, I'm there for you even when it's tough That's what taking care of means and taking care of means I'm going to support you in your professional endeavors So it's everything we just described in the woman helping a man get back on his feet But when a man's life a member remember when the ground underneath a man isn't solid He's not in the capacity to take care of someone So what happens is women take on the role of caretaker But with a person that you're not really sure he's capable of doing the same for yourself And in many cases you're projecting that once he gets back on his feet. He'll do the same for you I think relationships that start from an imbalanced perspective Can set up one up for failure now in some cases There's certainly men and women that when they've been caretaked caretaked That they actually are Lean into a place of gratitude. I know a man who is a very successful eye doctor Um, he was in a relationship with a financial Investment she was a in the investment world In the investment world they'd been together for a couple years and he all he contracted like the west nile Bug or whatever that was called some years ago and he'd literally virtually almost died And their relationship was rather casual prior to this but in this situation He was literally about to die and in that moment. She was absolutely there to support him 110 percent and Through his appreciation of this person. They went on to get married. Okay That's the situational situation, you know, it was something where they're together This wasn't getting back on his feet because he started from a weak foundation He started from a strong foundation But she was there it was situational again If someone's foundation is weak, this is true for women as well It makes it difficult to actually know are you with this person out of a dependency? Or are you with this person through love? So Pamela, I hope I I I answered your question It is difficult to differentiate again Better to vet the person to determine are they in a good place in their life Would be my invitation for you Thank you again for that question. I really appreciate it All right, let's see what else we have on the board um, silvia Sounds like your ex-girlfriend was a fixer. Um, I don't really see it that way I don't think she took me on as a project I think there was some really good things between the two of us, but I also feel like we were both You know, here's the thing many, um Relationship gurus will tell you like Barbara de Angelis Um, if you're not familiar with the work of Barbara de Angelis I highly recommend checking her out how to make love all the time But she will tell you that relations two people will come together for a mutual healing of one another I believe in that case silvia. There was a mutual healing going on So we could actually be in a space where we could lean into a relationship in the future So we were there for each other I think I was there to heal some of her father wounds and she was there to help me heal my you know be, um, a loving support person And again, I think that's why we were able to do a very conscious uncoupling when our relationship ended Okay, so thank you so much. By the way, leaf wrote The book I mentioned earlier harveille hendrix helen hunt getting the love you want. Yes, that's the book here Getting the love you want by the way, there's a link below to get a copy of this book For understanding the amago the amago so thanks for posting that I really appreciate it All right, let's see what other questions Linda says great insight and transparency always enjoy your podcast. Thank you so much. I appreciate that all right Let's go swim and let's go Flower rights question flowers rights When a man tells me his work income is he expecting me to tell him my work income? That's a good question I think it's important to understand that um financial stability for a relationship um Is an important fat a facet of being in a fully committed relationship I know in the case of my sweet and heart and I and if you know our backstory We were a long distance relationship. I met her while I was traveling to chicago to perform a wedding And she joined me at the wedding And when we and we had been speaking a year earlier on and off For about a year before we physically met And we met through match.com Actually match.com and millionaire match. I should say it was both those sites She believes we actually communicated earlier than when I believe we communicated Um So when we when we talked about you know, there was this 1800 mile distance One of the things we did on her visit when she came to visit los angeles and eventually visit me She was visiting her children for her birthday. We laid our cards on the table which included our income We laid it on the table where we stand financially because we both recognize that To sustain a healthy happy relationship the ground underneath you needs to feel rather solid So, um, I think it's important to have those discussions sooner rather later I don't think you have to do it on a first second or third date But if someone does that it's it's you know, it's these are important conversations to have But jonathan i'm just supposed to sit back on my feminine energy and i'm supposed to blah blah blah I'm just being rhetorical here Folks if you want to be real It's okay to be real and if you're if you're fearful of sharing your income with someone Um, certainly if they've done it first, uh now it could be that there's some nefarious thing going on He doesn't actually make that income. He doesn't really support himself that way and he's trying to view, uh You know a sugar mama, but I think for the most part this these are Conversations that need to be had sooner rather than later. So that's just my perception on that one Um, I hope that helps Leif, thank you so much for that question Oops, sorry Where did that flowers wrote that thank you so much flowers for that okay um Question in our 60s if we go into a relationship shouldn't we expect care taking of the other side Eventually Well, yeah, you know, I I'm I'm so happy that you posted that question. Look at folks when you get into your 60s Care taking is part of the equation So this is why it's important to have some level of the ground underneath you solid because that is a big part of Choosing a partner in your life You know the days in front of us are going to be much harder You know shorter than the days behind us and with those days in front of us Is going to come a deterioration of our bodies So being there for another person is is a rather again coming back to wedding vows. So You know I'm I'm a proponent that people have to really get Intentional and radically honest with each other sooner rather than later because it sucks being in your you know early 60s investing in someone only to have them disappear So having these radically honest conversations. Look You know, it takes about I was listening to Jay Shetty It says it takes about 40 hours of face-to-face time just to get to know someone at a base level I say it takes about 100 hours A face-to-face time to build the first layer of trust and it takes about 200 hours of face-to-face time To build a good friendship If two people are physically attracted to one another Then have I mean if they're genuinely physically attracted then have those radical honesty Conversations determine. Do you share the same values are your lifestyles blendable? And is this person an emotional grown-up? But our current dating mark our current dating Strategy is just a very long drawn-out friends with benefits without any real meat in the relationship particularly And the notion that we have to you know, we're choosing someone To maybe be there for us during you know, think of the wedding vows Sickness and health rich or poor You know, it's choosing someone that you know could be there for you You know, I look at my sweetheart and she's got some You know minor physical ailments and I I can't imagine being with anyone else I mean even if she got radically sick, I wouldn't want to go anywhere else But be by her side. I feel that strongly A lot of men aren't in that capacity to be there because the life underneath them doesn't feel solid and so Caretaking is part of the equation Let's hope it's you know, we get a good 10 or 20 years You know with each other before we have to deal with it But at the same time something can happen in a moment's notice And you have to be there in your heart saying Commitment is really saying I'm going to be there for you through the tough times. That's what commitment is It's not merely monogamy. It's not merely exclusivity. It's I'm going to be there For you because your best interests are my best interest. I am looking out for your best interests Even if you're going through a tough time It's interesting my girlfriend. I've been watching a show the good doctor And these are situations where a lot of husbands and wives are dealing with major crisis and what I appreciate about the show Both the men and women alike are sticking by their partners. I mean, this is a tv show But there are a lot of good people out there that would be in your corner if you're going through a tough time I want you to really know that there are a lot of good people that would be there for you during the tough times All right. Thank you so much for that question Leaf says questions since you no longer have balcony Should I delete my 10 a.m. Aster morning? Reminders that keep Saturday office once instead. Thank you so much I still record a sunday morning video that comes out every 7 a.m Pacific ghost time. I'm doing some live streams on and by the way those sunday videos were always pre-recorded I'm doing some live streams on saturday just because I want to have a little bit of fun before I get Going with my sweetheart today. So Um, you know what? I'm usually producing content Five to six to seven times a week. Um, so you always keep your channel open Thank you so much Here's a question. What's up with these unhappy married men? How do I attract a husband material? But I track one husband after another it beats everything I've seen I Find it interesting that every single man that asks you out on a date is married. I just don't believe that's the case I mean while maybe 10 or 20 of the people on the dating apps are married 80 percent or not So either you have an attraction to married men Um, or you're not accepting dates from single men. Okay, you don't know that they're single Well, then ask right away Does anyone Believe that they're currently in a relationship with you Does anyone believe they're currently in a relationship with you get that question asked out of the way And by the way, I'm not I'm not opposed to doing background checks. Um My sweetheart used to do that, you know, she wasn't you know Go on google do a little bit of research To see where this person's at in her life when we're meeting total strangers You have every but listen folks before you become physically intimate with someone you have every right to ask the hardest questions you want married men I should do a video on how married basically married men Um, unless they're traveling, you know, you can see patterns. They don't talk to you from 6 p.m to 60 a.m Or maybe they shoot text message in between but they don't actually physically talk to you They're always constantly busy As they're raising their children or they're with their wife So there are some signs and by the way, I'll shoot a video on how to spot a married guy. Okay. Thank you so much for that Linda writes, what are your thoughts about women in relationship with a man who makes less income? Is it a positive flag when a man is engaged in doing things that he feels? you know I'm always the belief that two incomes are better than one So or two net worths are better than one So if a woman makes a hundred and fifty thousand a year and she's with a guy that makes 95 well, you know That's 245,000 combined um Now it depends if the man is insecure or doesn't feel he doesn't feel That he is a provider that could cause Provider because you don't have to be a provider from a financial perspective. You can be a provider from an emotional perspective If the two of you haven't had real good honest dialogue And if you're not a woman who is a control freak a lot of women who make more money can be absolutely controlling of men I've seen this before I've witnessed this in relationship So if she's not controlling and he's not insecure about it It doesn't matter the income differential because in my mind two incomes are better than one So thank you so much for that Ah bump bump bump bump Let's see I don't recall your question. So can you write your question down again? Thank you so much Maria says you're an early bird today. Yeah, I am a little bit of an early bird today Uh, see Wanda writes a question Should you ever check up on an ex-friend after over a year to see if they're doing better in their health or life in general? To make amends You know, that's an individual choice. Um, I'm a big proponent of Sometimes let sleeping dogs lie. It depends on how the how the um for lack of word the break up occurred If it was contentious, you know, some people feel the need to make amends and you know, I'm I'm not I am certainly supportive of that But the same time sometimes the experience that the two of you had Was meant to be a short-lived experience And unless you're doing it from a selfish perspective or a needy perspective I don't think you have to open that door up I know I've had a few relationships that have happened since my divorce and I'm friendly with a few people Actually, probably two or three for the most part um Friendly with them not friends with them, but friendly and then I have a you know one that I consider family not friends so um But for the most part there's a lot of women I dated that didn't go anywhere and I have no interest in reaching out to them and You know, even if they reached out to me, I would be I would be polite and kind but You know unless they're going to be an active participant in your life Um, you know ask yourself. Are they going to be an active participant in your life? Ask yourself. Am I doing it from a needy place or am I doing it from a sincere place? That's my rough thoughts on that wanda. So thank you so much um Terry says this has been my favorite session ever. Well, thank you so much. Terry. I appreciate that All right, let's keep swimming if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after um Here we go patricia writes question How do you deal with a man who says he doesn't want anything serious? But always comes back to you for conversation someone he can trust And someone he can trust with his feelings listen folks Ask yourself a question Do you want first off ask this question? Do you want a fully committed relationship? Do you want partnership with someone if the answer is yes? And someone doesn't want that Then Walk away and discontinue conversation. He wants your feminine energy He wants something from you, but he's not willing to give you what you want So why do you want to engage with someone? I know it feels good to be wanted feels good to be wanted, especially when At the moment someone else isn't wanting you then put yourself out there to be seen by single eligible men Make the effort to be seen so you get asked out So some new man who truly wants a relationship wants you I don't mean to be crass here But in this particular case you're allowing this to happen because it's because for some people It's better to get some attention Than no attention at all folks I invite you to be really careful Some attention better than no attention at all is usually a recipe for disaster So I'd be careful on that patricia. But thank you so much for your question question From happy end After having sex he only wants to hang out at home. Is that okay? Or does he see me in a different light? You know, I can speak from personal experience There have been times in my life that my only capacity and this is you know, my shortly after my divorce My only capacity was to give physical attention. In other words, I didn't want someone outside because I felt like too much responsibility for implying That there would be something more than just this friends with benefits now again A lot of remember I said earlier dating just seems to be a series of friends with benefits in some cases Men the minute they take you out to dinner or that you physically going out in the world seeing family and friends That sort of thing it implies something greater than just a sexual relationship If that is not what you want if you want a relationship where you grow together I'm repeat that you want a relationship you grow together Then it's incumbent to do social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together getting married That's my that's my rhetoric. Okay folks if He's not taking you out in the world Then you're just a glorified booty call But Jonathan I love him Folks Love is a lot more than if you're not Oftentimes many of you are experiencing attachment and not love if you're not familiar with the work Of a mere levine and rachel heller I by the way all the books I recommend are listed below read the book attached Are you anxious avoidant secure how the science of adult attachment can help you find and keep real love A lot of times many of you are experiencing what you think is love, but it's just attachment to another human being So If he's not serious then cut him out of your life It's not worth the engagement and you'll feel better for it in the long run By the way, if anyone agrees with me with what I just shared with with Um Patricia please post a comment below All right. Happy Ann wrote Oh that I'm sorry. Uh, I'm sorry. What happy Ann wrote. Okay Uh, cc says yes, please do a video on how to spot married men. Okay. I'll definitely do that one Okay Mimi writes question Date a guy. I really Feel a strong connection and I felt he did too now after three dates He's unsure of the connection and wanted to continue being friends. I accepted that but what should I do? I Hope you didn't sleep with him because then he's so what he's done is put you in the friend zone. Okay He's fearful of making any more emotional commitment. He's reluctant to make any more commitment to this relationship And yet he appreciates your feminine energy and what I mean by feminine energy You're a female and he appreciates your company Um Because he wants female company because female company is oftentimes much kinder than male company Men can be jackasses to one another and we don't want to necessarily share our feelings to men So he he's he's viewing he could potentially view you as what I call his pseudo therapist He will dump his emotional life in your lap And you're going to be that emotional caretaker thinking, you know Thinking you'll by supporting him. He'll find a way to love you. Look at what can you do? Just say I'm okay with being friends You know, you could see where it goes. Don't kiss him Don't get physically sexual with him, which you most likely will and then you'll be attached to a guy Who's going to dump you later most likely and make sure you're actively dating other people If you want to be friends with them though ask yourself Why do you want to be okay? Think of it this way and this is a really good one for all of you to You go, well, I'd like to be his friend When you meet the love of your life, are you still ask yourself this question when you meet the love of your life? Are you still going to be friends with this person? Right? Someone write that in the chat box When you meet the love of your life, are you still going to be friends with this person? You have to really determine what is a really good friend. What's a really good friend? Because we can have friends that are you know, women can have male friends Men can have female friends and they're going to be in their life for a very long time But if this has just been a fledgling couple dates, is this person going to be in your life for the rest of your life? That's my question. I invite you to ask. Okay. Thank you so much for that one. I appreciate All right, let's go swimman Andrea star says can I date outside of my league if the opportunity comes up and we get along? Or is it best to stay equal as far as education or income goes? I don't like questions like this, you know to Because when you do that you're putting someone on a pedestal And that's by the way, someone's education or income just bullshit You could have someone that's by the way, you could have someone highly educated great income and they can be a jackass They can be inconsiderate. They might not be kind, you know, so To me character Is the is the pedestal, you know, not even a pedestal character is the more is the Barometer for choosing a person and not their education or income And if you feel less than from education and income and by the way in most cases men I mean traditionally have always been the higher breadwinners In any dynamic that's not always the case nowadays, but for the most part And education as well because women weren't allowed to get educated and women weren't allowed to work But don't subscribe to that as being someone How do your league? We oftentimes think of physical attraction this as well as out of our league folks Coming back to my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work I invite you to like lean into your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem your self-confidence All this is wrapped up into self-love By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of The books I recommend in fact, I recommend this book I don't necessarily love all the content in this book But I like some of the aspects why men love bitches bitches stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes I invite you to stand into your bitch energy because you will never put someone else on a pedestal when you have put your heart Your well-being Just like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first self-love is putting that mask on yourself first thing No one's better than me. I have to take care of myself and not but and I'm happy to put someone equal to me without that judgment based on income or education. That's my two cents on that one So thank you so much Margarita venture writes question How do we know when a man is married if we live in a different state? um Very very very very very very very very very difficult Folks, this is what happens when you do long-distance dating I would do a background check on that person. I would check out their linkedin account. I would check out their social media footprint And if they don't have one um You risk I mean there's I mean unless you do a background check and you might even have to hire someone To do that because you don't know listen Did you guys by the way has anyone ever watched the tinder swindler? You don't know someone Until you've invested at least 100 hours of face-to-face time And so could they be married by the way did anyone see the movie up in the air up in the air george cloney Can't remember the actress in that but he um meets a woman while enduring his business travels and he starts to You know gained some really strong feelings for her And when he decides to declare his love to her she he drives to her home Only to find out she's married I mean he was floored Folks you got to go to his home Not a hotel his home Anyway, that's my two cents on that margaret. Thank you so much Leaf says amen. Thanks so much Hey leaf says, please hit that like button folks. Please hit that like button. Please share this video with your friends I would be truly grateful Please post a comment below if you've gotten this far by watching the replay. This will be our last question for the day question If a man does this after many years and you work in his business after many months after our breakup He acts like nothing has changed between us I don't really understand your question. So i'm sorry that one pp. I don't get that one Uh happy answers. Thanks for your advice. Okay. This will be our last one for the day question I did a guy. I really feel strong connection. He did feel it too now after three days. Oh, we've already answered that question So thank you so much Karen says you're totally correct Great advice. I agree amen again Totally agree with jonathan. Looks like I I've hit that nerve and that helped right there And Mimi said I did not sleep with them. Okay. Good to hear Folks, I think this will be a great place to wrap up for today If you found value in my plant channel, please hit that like button Please share this video with your friends your brand new. Please subscribe Okay, and then check out all the links below See if working with a coach is right for you, you know Schedule a discovery call with me. You can join my group called midlife love mastery. You can follow me on instagram I've got products for sale now and you can actually join my membership within youtube as well There's a little join button that you can hit as well All right, this would be a great place to wrap up this video and as I always do I'm gonna first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love There's a teddy bear Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank bonnie and linda and rebecca and kassandra and leaf and cc and pp and jennifer and priah and Wanda and thatch mistresser and andria and hillary rebecca jojica Stacey kassandra. Thank you all so much. Have a fabulous weekend. Be well. Take care