 Today I'm gonna continue talking about relationships. Now if you are here and you are not married, you're like, man, I should have not been here. Actually the best time to prepare for marriage is when you're single. Most of the marriages aren't destroyed when you are married already. We develop habits when we are single that need to be dealt with and addressed. And so if you are a single person, I want to challenge you, take notes, soak in, because if you're gonna be married or when you're gonna be married it will come very helpful. I'm gonna share with you on three levels of marriages or three types of marriages. And we're gonna start with the basic one that is very acceptable in our culture and then go to the more of scriptural one and then talk about what the Bible talks about marriage. The first level of marriage is cohabitational marriage. In fact, 18 or 15 states including District of Columbia recognizes a common law marriage. A common law marriage is a marriage that's legally recognized between two people who are not married in the state of the, in the eyes of the law or in the church, but they receive the same benefits and protection. So 18 states recognize that. The reason why I'm referring to cohabitation as a marriage, because in our culture 87% of people ages 18 to 29 say it's acceptable for unmarried couple to live together even if they don't plan to get married. Now Christians, 41% of Christians and 58% of white evangelicals believe it's okay to live together as long as you plan to get married. Now statistically 70% of women probably includes men as well have cohabitated at some point before they got married. The idea, the science of shacking up is part of our cultural norm where you live together, you experiment, you experience, we call it the trial or the testing of a relationship and then you end up getting married later. Now before I address what actually the statistics says about it and what scientific studies have said about it, I'm a preacher, I'm a pastor, so I'm gonna go to God's word. If we go to book of Genesis, chapter 2, I want you to notice something in there. Genesis 2 24 it says, Therefore a man should leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked and the man and his wife were not ashamed. I want you to notice this, the God's idea of marriage from the beginning, we're not talking about in the days of Solomon and David because I had sometimes somebody says how do I find a spouse according to the Bible? I said well there were some people the way they found spouse according to the Bible, we'll get you in jail today. So we go back to the beginning, the book of Genesis, first few chapters. In the first few chapters we see a man leaves his woman, leaves his parents, I'm sorry, and then joined to his wife. The next verses says this, the man and his wife were naked. That means you shouldn't be naked with anybody who is not your wife or your husband and they were not ashamed. So sex belongs in marriage from the beginning, not in just a cohabitating relationship but in a covenant relationship. We see also Paul tells us later in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 2, nevertheless because of sexual immorality let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband which means that cohabitating together from the point of the scripture is a sin of fornication. Now in our culture it's acceptable but also our culture is different from the scripture and so our desire today is not to conform the Bible to our culture but to conform our life to the scripture. This wasn't sure if I am in church or if I am on YouTube but on YouTube they spam the chat usually and so our desire is not to change the Bible. Now what churches do today is they take this Bible and say well this is old school and so they believe in this thing called progressive Christianity meaning the Bible is outdated and we need to change the Bible to fit the cultural narrative but I want to tell you something that the Bible is the Word of God and it doesn't need to be updated. It's our life that needs to be changed and God's Word is true, God's Word is living and we will not embrace progressive Christianity. We will embrace Christianity that is based on the Word of God not the one that embraces the cultural stance and perspectives. Now that could get me banned, you can attack me because of that create accounts because of that you can do whatever you want but one thing is true at the end I will give an account and I want to preach God's Word, preach the truth from God's Word not cultural perspective on the things that are trendy and I'll rather get canceled by the culture instead of get canceled by God and so the Bible the Word of God says clearly that the marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman I know this may sound homophobic and and bigoted and all of this stuff this has nothing to do with hating other people but us loving God's Word and saying this is what the Word of God teaches and that doesn't change with time amen. When Jesus meets with the Samaritan woman it's interesting he says that you had five husbands and the guy you're currently shacking up with is not your husband so that means that living together with somebody does not constitute marriage because Jesus didn't refer to the man she was living with as her husband. Now a statistic says Pew Research says married adults have higher levels of relationship satisfaction and trust than those who live with an unmarried partner. Research at Journal on Marriage and Family said these couples who live together before marriage and this is very disappointing are 46% more likely to divorce later if they get married. Most couples who live together who are not married they don't do it to rebel against God even though that is a disobedience to God's Word they do it they just want to test the relationship but the statistic actually says their chances are not better but actually worse. One doctor Dr. Patrick did a statistical analysis of cohabitation in America based on the finding of number of academic resources here are his findings. Relationships are unstable in cohabitation one out of six cohabitating couples stay together for only three years and one out of ten survive five or more years. Cohabitating women often end up with the responsibilities of marriage particularly when it comes to caring for children without the legal protection. Research shows they also contribute more than 70% of relationships income. That's really that's really diminishing to women. Cohabitation brings greater risk of sexually transmitted diseases because cohabitating men are four times more likely to be unfaithful than husbands. Poverty rates are higher among cohabitators. Those who share a home but never marry are 78% less wealthy than those who are married. Those who suffer most from cohabitation are the children. The poverty rate among children of cohabitating couples is five percent greater than the rate of the children in married households. Children from 12 to 17 years of age cohabitating with parents are six more times likely to exhibit emotional and behavioral problems and 122% more likely to be expelled from school. Now this is why men cohabitate because we get the benefits of marriage without its commitment. Now men win like and I'm going to speak selfishly right now due to cohabitation because think about it. Majorly generally I'm going to generalize this okay so don't don't pull a statistic or don't say that this is not it's not true for my relationship this is a general. Generally women are drawn to the fact that the men is resourceful sometimes he has the finances or has certain things that women find also attractive. Women are not necessarily drawn to the men's appearance it's the other stuff that is in him that his leadership abilities his ability to lead and giftingness and other things men are usually generally again drawn to women's appearance. Now with time men's power if I could say or men's giftingness increases. He gets more money with time not less usually. Women with time the appearance is one of those things even if you get the plastic surgery it decreases our bodies is decreased with time we get weaker we're not as young and fresh so this is what happens when you cohabitate. A man comes a time he switches a young he gets a younger model gets the younger woman and leaves the woman usually deprived hurt and caring for the children because he gets so pregnant but he moves on to other prospects and women are the one that suffer under the burden of cohabitation which is normal in our culture. Find it interesting how the culture fights for the rights of women yet the woman of the year is a biological male this got voted this last week yet 30 something million women baby girls were murdered in the last 50 years yet the lady that occupies one of the highest offices in our nation does not know what a woman is so for those of you who drink from the sewage of a culture and that is your discipling mechanism I want to tell you culture does not honor women marriage is the best institution that honors and protects women because it provides a safety and stability for both men and women to go through the system of life financial struggles physical appearance giving birth to children and still you know maybe not looking as good as they were when 20 they were 20 years of age because marriage is more than about looks and about income it's about a bond that two people share that becomes a friendship and that becomes a partnership in life now if you are here today and you came and you are cohabitating and by now you're like man shoot why did I come to this service pastor has a number one point and he's literally he's just attacking me right now I am not attacking you I'm attacking the cultural idea and I'm presenting you God's word now I want to encourage you if you're cohabitating and you're living with this person and maybe you recently gave your life to Jesus and the person you're living with you already lived for so long go get married this week go sign the papers this is probably why you're not getting married you're waiting for that big wedding day that you've been planning for the last 10 years now again marriage is not a piece of paper it's more than a piece of paper so if you think that oh what difference will it make we're treating each other as husband and wife I know some Christians who are not as good as we are you know a sick dog is better than a deadline struggling Christian couple is better than the one that's maybe not struggling but they live in disobedience to God's word and so we have to embrace Christian values and Christian habits and so I want to invite you those of you who are cohabitating make a decision go to court sign the papers and then do your big wedding down the road you know two three years or six months later but do not live in sin because before God it's not right in God's eyes to live like that and honestly statistically it's also not for your good if you are a woman and you may be a Christian or whether you're not a Christian you should really reconsider letting somebody else move in and take advantage of you like that you are being taken advantage of God's word stands for you and does not want bad things for you if you are a guy and you're living with the lady and you're still not proposed or you're not proposing or maybe even you're dating somebody and you're you're interested in them you love them but you're not interested in marriage and you're just simply taking their time I want to challenge you and say be a man stop being weak take on responsibility I know marriage is not easy but at the same it is easier to just simply maybe to live with somebody and take advantage and reap the benefits without making the commitments but God didn't make you a wussy he made you a warrior he made you strong take on the responsibility propose make a difference in those kids lives don't just simply come in and just simply do those things that the culture does be a man of God be a man that takes responsibility and takes care of that family for the glory of God don't look at your friends I know your friends or maybe are doing that you don't want their destiny you want to be a man of God not to be just a man of this culture can somebody say amen the second type of marriage and now let's get closer to what a lot of us are here today maybe have and that is what I would call a contract type of marriage contractual marriage a contract type of marriage is a marriage where where in cohabitation I don't love you enough to commit to you in contract I love you if you love me I love you because you love me I love you and I will love you if you please me and you do the things that I like but the moment we have problems and you treat me not the way I expect to be treated I will not love you anymore and I will move on and we will dissolve this relationship and that is how the marriages are run a lot of times in our culture that's how marriages are run unfortunately by even some Christians Jesus highlighted that he says the tax collectors and sinners they love if they are loved in Luke chapter 6 verse 32 but if you love those who love you what credit is that to you for even sinners love those who love them Matthew 5 46 if you love those who love you what reward have you for even the tax collectors tax collectors was considered were considered by a culture like those people who were they were sinners tax collectors love those who love them you have to understand that in Christian marriage Christian marriage is not based on I love you because you love me now we hope for and we start with this relationship being both people in love but as time goes by sometimes some people could fall out of love some people can experience things where they get distracted with work or with children and they experience certain hardships and disagreements even this affection when there is no more affection in marriage and if you use that opportunity to say well I need to move on and pursue my happiness because my happiness is my primary reason for existence and I am not happy in this marriage and my biological clock is ticking I better put myself back into that dating pool quickly because my happiness is at stake now I understand in the culture your happiness is why you live in Christ you live not for your happiness you live for your holiness holiness is why you live and happiness becomes the fruit of that holiness but sometimes even the joyful Christians do not experience happiness happiness is not our goal our goal is the joy in God and joy can be chosen happiness comes on you and it leaves you at times but joy is a choice somebody say it's a choice happiness is not why I got married happiness is not why you get married if you got married for happiness I want to burst your bubble and to say you are mistaken you can't get married for the happiness sake you get married like no but I got married for love what does that mean for love so I could be loved again that's not biblical way of marriage you get married first maybe to get loved but you only stay married because you choose to love it's not a place you find love it's first the foremost the place where you share love you find that love in God the example I like to share is the Jewish rabbi was asked what is love and he used an example of the fish and he asked the person who asked him the question and he said do you love to fish do you love fish and the person responding yes I love fish he says you mean to tell me you love fish yes sir I love fish he said tell me how you catch fish he says I take my fishing line I go into the lake and I throw the bait on the hook and I throw the line into the river and then I wait for the fish to bite and and the rabbi says wait you're telling me you're putting a bait on the hook and you're deceiving a fish making you think that the fish is getting food yes the fish is thinking it's getting free food when in reality you're lying to the fish you're jerking the fish's mouth with the hook the blood is coming everywhere the fish realized it got trapped you're pulling the fish out of its environment it needs water to live you're taking it out of its environment it's bleeding it's deceived it's dying it's suffocating you're putting it into your ice box so now the fish went from bleeding deceived suffocating to freezing to death you bring that fish home you cut that fish open you got that fish all of that stuff out then you're not done with it you're putting it on a frying pan you fry it then you eat it and you still have the audacity to say I love fish do you do that to everything and everyone you love so when you say I love you what do you mean by that what most of us mean is this I love you meaning I love how you make me feel and if you stop making me feel like that I will find someone who will live for my happiness because contractual marriage is this I'm here for my interest I limit my responsibilities I protect my rights and it's about my happiness and God forbid you stop contributing to my happiness I'm going to switch you with somebody else that's not love because love requires death love requires sacrifice love requires giving love doesn't live for its own happiness that's fish love what I deceive you trick you lie to you and what I freeze you and I suffocate you and when I fry you and I eat you I love you in reality I never loved you I loved me and I just happened to use you to fulfill my desires urges and cravings and needs love is not about us it's about another person for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son contractual marriage will not work in the long haul long term because it's really based on you exist for my happiness and I live for my happiness as a Christian I don't live for happiness I live for the Lord Paul says for me to live is what Christ he didn't say for me to live is my happiness the culture is addicted to happiness we as Christians live to please God now I like what Paul Washer again I'm not I don't agree with everything with Paul Washer but I like this statement he said God is going to give you a wife that meets all the conditions that must be met so that you are not tempted beyond what you can bear I'm like amen I agree but then he said this this is the part that's tricky but he's going to also give you a wife that is purposely orchestrated not to meet some of your most important conditions for you why how can you learn unconditional love if you marry someone who meets all the conditions God will on purpose give you somebody who will not meet all of your needs so you will depend also on him I like what one professor a theologian from from Duke University said he says we always marry the wrong person look at your spouse right now say he's talking about us the sooner younger couples understand this the better they will be I hear young couples say you mean you don't want us to be soulmates but nobody marries his or her soulmate you become soulmates by living together through those years we marry all of us marry the wrong people and within first six to eight months or two years you realize that quickly and guess what happens why are we together it's because we choose to have friendships we choose to build relationship we choose to have a dream build our life we bond together and next thing that happens we look back at 20 years 30 years then we're saying you know what this is the person that God sent me to me but we don't feel that every single day we don't have to just say it amen Gary Thomas in his book sacred marriage quoted somebody else who I really like this quote he says one of God's best wedding gifts is a full length mirror called your spouse had there been a card attached it would have said here is to help you discover what you really like your spouse is God's mirror to you to help you see what you really are to help you see your anger impatience help you to see your addiction to shopping help you to see maybe your complaining help you to see that now every morning when I wake up and I go into the bathroom and I see a mirror I don't like what I see in the mirror I have two options actually the three options one option is I break the mirror and I say you lying I'm not that ugly the second option is I fix myself I go quick listen man I need to go take take a shower I need to wash my face man what happened to my hair was there a tornado happening on the top of my hair I need to brush my teeth I need to wipe everything out or a third option I say well that's the way I was born and I just leave it be your spouse will expose things about your character and if your view of marriage as a contract I'm there for my benefit you will quickly get disappointed with that and you say you know what you're driving me crazy you're getting on my last nerve I am not gonna change guess what I'm gonna do I'm gonna change my spouse is because I refuse to change my character and God doesn't want us to change our spouses every time we have to change our character we want us to work on our issues and work on our relationships so that we can improve and get sanctified because somebody say amen your spouse will be that person who will expose those things you know one of the things that my wife exposed about me first is my stinginess when we got married I realized how stingy I was but I didn't think I was stingy I just thought my wife was a shopaholic so instead of instead of me dealing with my stinging I said just simply say no you just want too too many things and you know you just simply you have greed in your life you know you're just greedy you're just you just want too many you're just much realistic you just you just want you know nice things and I remember we would fight over a Starbucks coffee a Starbucks is very expensive you really have to get it like a car loan to to afford a cup right now and so and it was five dollars a lot and my wife at the time who doesn't drink Starbucks and not because of the price now but because of she doesn't like its coffee but in the beginning she would drink coffee and I remember I would fight and I was like man babe could you just cut that you know two times a week that Starbucks we could really make our mortgage payment if you just cut the Starbucks coffee we could really meet that dream if you could really remove the Starbucks coffee and I would fight over it and fight over it Starbucks coffee I mean it was nothing super big even though we were struggling but it was nothing super big and partially and then you know we finally got through breakthrough through Starbucks we she stopped buying Starbucks and then she stopped buying shoes then I wish we go back to Starbucks because Starbucks is way cheaper than the shoes and then the shoes start showing up and now like it just you know packages they start coming and then I would ask her how much they cost and my wife's response always let me check and I said you got to be kidding me you ordered that thing it arrived in our house and you don't know how much you paid for it she's like they are a good quality good quality a private jet is a good quality doesn't mean that we can buy it and so but what it did is expose something about my character and my wife can testify is that I was a such a tight squad I control the finances so strong and I lived in poverty probably maybe because of that and with time I started to get looser and get more looser and my wife became more expensive and more expensive and I'm still being challenged till this day and the Lord has done that work and I said Lord you're gonna have to be my provider because I for my wife's taste I am not able to provide but God is good God is gracious and he's able to help me and my wife and she's clothed fed and well taken care of you know when I was driving at that time arguing with about Starbucks I remember the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and he says instead of trying to cut back the coffee what if you use the same energy and you ask me for an idea to increase your income by 45 dollars a month because it's really I was fighting with 45 45 dollars a month he says what if you ask me to give you an idea that could give you extra 45 dollars so your wife can finally get her coffee and I said Lord I don't even have to ask you just go mow my neighbor's lawn that'll be 45 dollars but see I would rather spend all my energy arguing than spend my energy creating and that day I started to ask the Lord could you give me an idea could you increase my income by 45 dollars so we don't have to argue about coffee and so my wife can get her cup of coffee without me creating world war three in the house so I just want to challenge each one of you contractual marriage where it's all about me my interest my happiness it might be popular and it might benefit your selfishness but it will never improve your character and it will never be glorifying to Jesus God didn't just give you marriage to make you happy but first to make you holy and then you will be happier if you choose holiness and holiness comes through humility holiness comes to realizing that we need each other and we need to grow in righteousness can somebody say amen the third one the third type of marriage and this is the most biblical one is the covenant marriage somebody say covenant now in the law right now in the united states we have civil marriages common law marriages but we actually also have a marriage that is called a covenant marriage it's only available in 18 states this type of marriage requires you to go through pre-marriage counseling so washington is not one of those states you have to go through pre-marriage counseling and when you do get married with a covenant type of marriage you cannot get divorced unless you go through pre-marriage counseling and there has to be a legitimate reason you can't just simply say well like in washington state the divorce right now is no fault meaning there could be no fault you just simply grew out grew apart you don't like each other so you just pretty much filed for divorce and this kind of marriage the covenantal marriage which 18 states have washington is not one of them in order to get divorced you have to have either abuse adultery or some kind of an addiction and you can't even get divorced then you have to go first through marriage counseling and then you get divorced now covenantal type of marriage we must understand is different than a contract marriage let me give you quickly six differences the first one is contract marriage involves promises i do covenant marriage is actually an oath it's very different it's deeper than the promise it's more sacred than a promise contract marriage involves a part of your life a covenant marriage involves all of your life contract marriage has an expiration it's until until i don't like you anymore i know we say till death do us part we really mean till divorce do us part or till i don't like you anymore we can't get along anymore do us part covenant marriage doesn't have an expiration date the only thing that ends a covenant is death number four is contract is written in ink like if you go and get a contract with at&t and they request for you to write it in blood run like run anybody who wants a covenant with you that's not an ink contract you want to run but a covenant is made in blood and you may say well so marriage marriage is a covenant yes how is that a bloody covenant well if you look at the way god designed the bodies the the medical profession doctors will say that a woman's body has a particular layer in her reproductive organ that is absolutely has no medical purpose or reason during the first sexual intercourse that happens that layer is broken and blood is spilled interestingly what if i'm just suggesting what if god intended for that because god wanted the person that you have a relationship with physically to be the person you will be linked with emotionally and will have a covenant that is based in blood five contracts are enforced by courts covenants are enforced by your character sixth contract you sign your name in covenant you bind your heart marriage is a covenant where death of two wills birth one god said in malachi 314 yet you say for what reason because the lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth with whom you have dealt treacherously yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant proverbs 2 17 speaks of a woman who is leaving her husband and is pretty much going and sleeping around who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her god marriage christian marriage is not just me having a covenant with my wife it's me having covenant with god and my wife it's a triangle the closer we get to god the closer we get to each other a three-fold chord is not easily broken christian marriage is three becoming two becoming one it's me jesus my wife so that we can become two and so that we can become one the reason why christian marriages last and there is happiness there's children there is prosperity it's not because it's depending on our character it's depending on god's grace i'm not carrying this marriage alone i'm not just dealing with my spouse alone we're not just raising children alone we're not just dealing with differences alone we're not dealing with our communications alone we're not dealing with the demons of the past and the curses alone we have god in the center he binds us he pulls us together he holds it together he is the glue that holds the husband and a wife together come on somebody in the gym give us a round of applause right now if you believe in a biblical covenant marriage in a contract i live in reaction to your to your sins you're good in a covenant i live in response to god and the last two verses i'm going to share an Ephesians chapter five verse 25 husbands love your wives just as your wife loves you that's not what it says just as what christ has loved the church husbands your dad is not an example of how you should love your wife your friends are not an example the culture is not an example your pastor is not an example of how you should love your wife husbands as christ loved you not on how she's treating you not on how she's behaving not on how you're feeling not on well i'm just just not a talkative guy she wants me to talk to i just don't talk talk to my buddies and i text a lot but i just don't want to talk as christ love the church and gave himself for her Ephesians chapter four verse 32 be kind to one another tenderhearted giving one another forgiving one another even as god in christ has forgiven you a lot of times when we get married we get into arguments we fight and during a fight you must understand that in order for us to live a healthy christian marriage we have to fight fighting is part of good marriage the problem happens is when we fight below the belt i call it below the belt in boxing there is below the belt fighting when you start hitting pretty much anything and however you want and then you get kicked out when you fight in marriage and you're reacting all the time to your wife's your husband's remarks lack of this lack of that what begins to happen is we build our marriage not as christ loved the church but as you are treating me i am treating you i had a situation um in our marriage when we first got married had a a fight that i will never forget we um it started when i was in church and my wife was back home we i forgot what the fight was about that's interesting how you never remember what really the fight was about you just remember how you fought about the way you were fighting and i got home and then my wife was very upset and at the time i was very self-righteous i really believed in um i was right i was more focused to prove that i was right and actually keep a relationship and so i was always wanted to confirm that i was right you know my my wife married mr right she didn't know my last name was always and so always right and we fought three four hours you know she said something i said something that she said something i said something and then comes this thing where she said something and i stopped speaking because that's another way of fighting is when you shut up and you just don't give the other person a pleasure of knowing what you think and then it drives them crazy so then she just went crazy and then finally i started to go crazy and then she stopped speaking except she was longer not speaking than me so now i got so crazy irritated that like of course i would never get physical i wouldn't raise my voice but i was just like i start leveling stuff on her like it verbally stuff that had nothing like stuff that happened in former soviet union like i start bringing that in because you know when you don't have enough argument ammunition you start bringing stuff from the past even things you forgiven you bring that back because you really need to build a case and you don't have any evidence and so i'll start building my case and then it got to about nine p.m and nine thirty is the time that i go to sleep so this around nine nine o'clock i'm already learning that i might be wrong because i want to get to sleep so i want this to be over i said this was great this was fun and awesome like we had this awesome afternoon that we spent you know bickering with each other but i i gotta get i gotta get i gotta get to sleep so i can go talk to god tomorrow and so at nine o'clock i'm already to reconcile i came and i you know played this fake repentance hey i'm sorry for what i did um you know you were right yeah mm-hmm yeah so can can we just get on and my wife wouldn't have it and she just wanted like me to suffer the consequences of the stupid things that i've been doing for the last six hours and we're going to sleep already and you know that time when you both of you are sleeping and you don't even want the other person to hear that you're breathing don't even want to give them the luxury of knowing that you're alive and so and you know and my wife is there and i'm and she's like you're sleeping and she wouldn't speak but she's making sure that i'm awake and so and you know i'm i get tired and so i get tired of fighting and so and i remember we're laying there in bed and i i just got tired of the whole thing and i snoozed off so during an argument hell is breaking loose and i go into sleep like jesus slept on the boat during the storm and so i just go into sleep and next thing i know is i wake up because of the elbow from my wife hits me so hard i thought she broke my ribs she wakes she wakes me up you know so that i could be awake to continue to fight so now the argument switched we're no longer fighting about the what we were fighting we're fighting about the fact that i fell asleep during a fight so now we're going for next two hours we're fighting over the fact that you don't care how dare you fell asleep you don't love me and you know just this whole thing normal stuff and stuff you don't love me you know you never did why did you even get married to me and stuff so no you don't care and i'm like man it's 11 o'clock it doesn't matter it was right let's go to sleep because the bible says you know to stay up and fight and don't let the sun go down on your wrath and so i think around two o'clock we finally came to a mutual agreement we both repented we both acknowledged that both of us were wrong we forgave for us since this was the fight probably the worst fight that i remember we had in our marriage next day we went to to coffee and we started to you know talk to each other and really kind of developed our battle plan that the way we will fight going forward will be in the way that number one doesn't drag on for six or seven hours number two does not cause me to fall asleep number two does not cause me to get physically abused by my wife's elbow and does not cause us to begin to bring former soviet union into an argument but to keep only this particular thing together i would go into prayer and honestly the lord would deal with my heart because in my mind i'm saying she's wrong she's this the lord always brings in his word this to me and he's bringing this to every man and every man listen very carefully christ asks you to love your wife not based on what she did based on what he did to you wife christ asks you to love your husband based not on how he's behaving he's not a leader in the house he's not leading us into prayer he's just you know always working he's just coming in and after that he's just on the tv and everything so if he i will honor him as as christ wants me to honor him if he starts acting like that but see the bible doesn't say to honor him based on how he's acting to honor him as you would honor christ so covenant marriage is painful the reason why is because it really depends on your relationship with god instead of just your relationship with your spouse it's you living that out in your marriage and saying i love you not because of you first and foremost i love you because of him that's why even if we will struggle and you will struggle i will still love you and i will still be with you some of you will say vlad but this seems like a trap but what if it's there's an abuse what if i'm being taken advantage of that's a different story and that's going to be a different sermon for a different day we're dealing right now with common disagreements that every marriage has and then if you married into a different culture you already have more disagreements if you married into a different and you have kids together there's more challenges but with christ in the center and us living in response of jesus into that person we will live in the life that we grow in jesus and we have deeper more intimate close marriages amen hey thanks for watching to this sermon if this was a blessing to you would you let me know in the comments below what stood out to you from this message what are you taking home with you from this message also if you enjoy these messages would you help us and hit thumbs up to this video and subscribe to our channel so you can get new videos every single week delivered to you on your youtube app if you go to hungry gen.com forward slash sermons you'll actually be able to download the transcript the notes and the quotes of this sermon and the rest of all of our sermons free of charge until next time