 To understand men now, I'm Jonathan assay of johnthassay.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream you for you today Our topic these four attractive things drive guys crazy Crazy All right really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you could be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I could be seen in the YouTube algorithms really quickly my coaching is what I call Heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence so an infant f an f-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now Lastly these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means do I suggest this is the truth? You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a contrarian so much of my advice goes Contrary to public and traditional opinions so Sift through it find the nuggets if you feel like there are some and go from there All right, we're gonna talk about what it takes to drive a guy crazy Now really quickly before I get into this I have to say something when I mean the word crazy. I mean in a good way I don't mean in the way that he's pulling out his hair because you drive him nuts Okay, I'm talking about that inner crazy that makes him just want to be with you more and more and more and more and And you know, I recognize that for a lot of people this is very challenging stuff because most of us weren't raised actually Being prepared to be in a healthy happy relationship Most of us weren't taught what it takes to be in a healthy happy relationship In fact, most of our role models were in dysfunctional Relationships and guess what happens when we witness dysfunction we operate from a place of dysfunction Now why am I sharing this on a topic that centers around attraction? Well, it's because I'm here to say attraction is only one piece of the puzzle of a successful relationship I'm gonna repeat that attraction is only one piece of the puzzle of a successful relationship And yet it is it's the piece that we most appreciate It's the it's the icing on the cake that we most Appreciate and yet if you follow my channel, you know I go much deeper than the surface and even though this topic is a little bit on a surface level There is gonna be some gold and some nuggets. I believe that you'll find and Before we get there though I want to address this piece that I just talked about this attraction piece and if you're not familiar with my Relationship iceberg here it is And you can see that above the waterline is chemistry and you can see the words attraction attraction and yet below the waterline you see the word compatibility compatibility and within compatibility their shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity emotional maturity One of the primary reasons why relationships suffer so much is that there's a lack of emotional maturity Within one or both parties in the relationship and the fact of the matter is most human beings men and women like have weak Relationship skills weak relationship skills and if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity chart I'm gonna share it with you most of you have seen this and by the way at the bottom I want you know, this is not a fact. It's an opinion But I believe roughly about 20% of the population has clinical issues I mean they're they're got stuff going on clinical stuff like Narcissism like bipolar like borderline personality that makes it very difficult for them to be in relationship And then another 20% are actually emotionally healthy enough to be in relationship But I'm here to say that 20% is being probably incredibly generous when I say 20% But I had to balance this out and the vast majority of people are in the 60% or the dysfunctional dysfunctional skills when it comes to actual interpersonal relationships and Romantic relationships most humans have weak Communication skills when it comes to being a relationship So it doesn't matter how attractive you are unless you shore up Do you share the same values are your lifestyles blendable and are you emotionally mature because what at the last Attractive thing I'm going to share today centers around all of this Now really quickly before I jump into those four things which I'll do in just a moment. I promise I want to recommend two books that everybody purchase to shore up their relationship skills and the first book I recommend is Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg This should have actually been titled compassionate communication It's about learning to communicate in a way that you can be seen heard and understood By those relatively dysfunctional people versus the clinical people and the second book I highly recommend getting is the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gotman folks I highly recommend reading this and you should be definitely reading this before the next time a penis gets to go inside the Vagina in fact, I recommend purchasing two copies of this book for any couple that's going to explore a deeper relationship Which includes physical intimacy as well All right, I've said my piece now. Let's get into those four Attractive things that drive guys crazy in a good way now I know most of my contemporaries will tell you things like being your feminine energy or Lean back so he can claim you and then they talk about Confidence and they talk about boundaries. Okay. Well, I'm going to share three of the most obvious things or Probably superficial things and yet the fourth one is the most important And that's what I want you to stick around for because that one is critically important to Actually forming a stronger bond with a man and it actually strong forms a stronger bond in the relationship in the relationship So I'm going to put on my trusty glasses Here's my notes and really quickly. I want to thank you then Eleventa misright for the super sticker. I really appreciate that so Really quickly number one and this this is so critically important for me I'm going to tell you something that this is the first thing I notice on women and When I see this my heart starts racing I'm going to tell you my heart starts racing and that is what I call a vivacious smile a vivacious smile Sadly when I when I'm scrolling through dating app pictures I'm scrolling through dating app pictures and I'm using dating apps as an example I can tell you that the vast majority of women are not smiling. They're frowning They have sunglasses on and it's it's really poor quality. I mean sometimes they're with so many friends You can't tell who they are But whether it's in in the digital form when you're connecting via the online medium or in person What really turns on most men is a vivacious smile Many of you have written me and said how much you appreciate my smile But let me tell you something my smile used to look like this or like this That was my old smile and I know many of you struggle smiling and you know, we all and listen if you if you're like me You probably feel that someone like Julia Roberts is infectious because she has a vivacious smile So I want to teach you today the secret to a vivacious smile to that that Infectious smile and it's something I learned folks. I actually some years ago dated a 1980 supermodel. She was in New York print. I mean just did the whole shebam. We dated for a little bit I was kind of in awe Which is not really a healthy thing to be in awe of beauty but but you know what I listen I miss I'm a red-blooded guy like most men and she actually while we were dating Taught me the secret to a great smile Especially in photographs, but also how to present yourself out in person and that is to chuckle to chuckle Now it might feel awkward chuckling but when you take the photograph Maybe I should just take a quick photograph of me chuckling to demonstrate this Or let me get my camera going. I'm gonna do this in reverse All right, I just took a picture. Oh, that's lame But you know what my point is the camera captures the energy the camera captures the energy and Let me tell you something. There's something Incredibly attractive about men and women who have a vivacious smile that have that energy exuding from inside them Now I recognize that a lot of you may not feel like smiling You may have some reasons not feel like smiling. Look folks, you all know I lost a child There's my picture of my son Connor who passed away a few years ago I have reasons not to smile and yet in his honor in his honor. I Know he would want me to live the most Amazing life So when we're going through hard times remember that those who love us whether they're here or not Want us to live amazing life. So in my son's honor, even though I may not have a reason to smile I smile because that's what he would want me to do and my invitation for all of you is to reach deep inside of you and Find that that joy inside of you so you can exude it on the outside and the secret is a chuckle And when you take a picture of chuckling it looks Fantastic, that's the secret that the supermodel taught me All right number two and it kind of piggybacks on the smile number two number three are all kind of tied together is a sense of humor a sense of humor I Got to tell you as a midlife man dating in this realm today Most of the women I meet have a real shitty disposition I mean, I'm sorry to say this but most the women I meet it seems like that they've got a chip on their shoulder They've got resting bitch face and they lack a sense of humor Now I recognize that my sense of humor may not correspond with someone else's sense of humor I Recognize that and yet the same time it's important to find people who's aligned in your sense of humor And it's important to actually exude your sense of humor And that's what I want to encourage everybody to do to let their sense of humor out sooner rather than later Because that's incredibly Attractive and infectious to be around people that know how to laugh I Remember on a date not too long ago. I was on a first date with someone it was five hours long this was a while back now they think about it and We laughed the entire time because our sense of humor was mess that meshing and I found it Incredibly attractive so I invite you all to lean into your sense of humor number three What did I write down I wrote down? Oh be kind easy going inflexible kind easy going inflexible I will tell you and I guess and I noticed this a lot with midlife women versus the younger population It seems like there's such a Rigidity for most people in midlife that there's these rules that you have to do in these all these expectations that take away all the fun of actually Really connecting with another human being to actually have all this rigidity and rules and it's listen as you all know I Am the first one to say I Don't want to say don't trust men But I certainly I want to want everyone to operate from the premise that most men are rather Fucking clueless when it comes to data They're the clueless ones they are not they're not necessarily commitment fobe They just don't understand the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship. This is why continually I'm gonna say this book over and over read the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman So you can understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and when you come from that place of knowing you can just let go and Really pay attention. Is this guy really right for you because if he is then let go of all the preconceived Expectations and then just start leaning into the relationship and remember It's important to ask good questions right from the beginning And if you need some support with that check out a link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with The coach is right for you because I will tell you asking really good questions right from the beginning can save you days weeks Hours days weeks or years of heartache by learning to ask the right questions based on your personality How to pre-qualify your prospects? So check out that link below again kind easy going and flexible And number four as I shared with you and this actually brings it back to the relationship iceberg And you're not going to like this one ladies You're not going to like this one, but I'm going to tell you what men go crazy over Are women who are logical who are logical? Ladies you've all probably have heard of the crazy matrix out there And if you haven't I highly recommend after this of watching this video Google hot crazy matrix But we have a predisposition to believe that most women are irrational When it comes to Navigating relationships and I can tell you as a man I've experienced this over and over again, and let me give you some examples First and foremost you expect us to read your mind You expect us to read your mind that is incredibly Irrational we can't know what you're thinking So if you want or need something from us then speak up Because that's the logical thing to do and we actually really really really appreciate when you give us Instructions rather than expect us to read your mind. Well, some of you might say well the man I love will be a tune to who I am He'll know exactly what to do bullshit Man are clueless Myself included I am I can't be attuned to you maybe after listen my parents were married There's a picture of my mom and dad. Okay, they were married 66 years I guarantee you for the first 10 or 15 years my dad wasn't attuned to my mom That happened over 30 years of being in relationship together. Was he attuned to her? We can't read your mind. So the logical thing to do is to speak up What else did I write here? Oh, let me give you another example how you ladies are illogical Okay, I and I've shared this story before I had one client come to me or one client come to me and said Jonathan I'm in a relationship with a guy for nine months and I just want more commitment out of him I'm like, great. What does that look like? Well, Jonathan, I just want more commitment out of him. I'm like, great. What does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment out of him Great. What does that look like for you? Jonathan? You're not listening to me. You're not hearing me. I want more commitment I'm like, look if you can't explain it to me How can you know how can he even know what you want ladies? You oftentimes operate from an emotional level based on a feeling But if you really want to be attractive to guys, it's time to speak up and that's a perfect example Of how illogical behavior turns men off and we men truly appreciate details Let me go into this a little bit further One of the most illogical things you ladies do is expect men to make the first move We no longer live in a culture where it operates that way ladies You can make the first move. It's just like men If you haven't read the book if the buddha dated if the buddha dated I highly recommend reading this book Because it takes out the penis and vagina and it talks about how to connect at a heart centered level a more logical level Of the heart and not the preconceived expectations that it's ruining it for you This whole leaning back and playing hard to get is just bullshit games that turns men Might temporarily get a guy but turns a guy off in the long run Oh, here's another example if he can't accept me at my worst. He doesn't deserve me at my best Another illogical thing because that basically says you have permission to be a Pain in the ass and we have to accept that. No We don't have to climb to the highest room of the tallest tower. It's time that we operate from a level of Show up the way you want to be treated Show up the way you want to be treated and that listen I know many of you are doing this or you think you're doing this But I got to tell you a significant percentage of you are not doing this And another example of illogical behavior is some of the most of you that spend time in these long distance relationship and you get caught up in the fantasy in the bubble And then you're wondering why the relationship isn't going anywhere because it's based on a fantasy. It's not based on reality It's not based on logic and we men appreciate Logical women and let me tell you one of the things that ladies do frequently is you say in 10,000 words What we probably say in 500 words Okay, we're not listening to all those 10,000 words And yet i'm going to teach you a little secret if you do want to get us to listen Okay, I was in a relationship with a woman Greatly a therapist doctor celebrity doctor, I should say And we when we were When there was something on her mind, we had a little code for each other She would either say I need to process something. I need to process which means I need to get your advice It was coming from her logical side of her mind. She wanted my advice But there were other times she wanted to vet So we used a technique that was uh that I learned from Allison armstrong and what my she when she wanted to vent she would say would you hold the basket? Would you hold the basket and what that meant is I'm going to vomit a bunch of shit? I just want you to I'm just going to talk out loud. I'm going to get it off my chest And then we're going to let it go I'm going to Basically, I need you to hold the basket. So I vomit Very logical thing to do because we men can't read your minds We can't read your minds if you want us to help or if you want us to listen So if you want us to help then say you want our help and if you want us to listen Just simply say I need you to listen to this and then as soon as I say I'm done Are you with me? Are you with me on this? Are you going to do this? I hope so All right to recap A vivacious smile a sense of humor Kind easy going and flexible and lastly if you really want to turn us guys on Be logical and quite frankly We can talk about the reverse on how men should turn you on but that's for another conversation All right, and lastly I do want to remind everyone If you want to be treated a certain way then show up that way because that is what's going to create the best Relationship between the two of you is this sinking in is it resonating? Please let me know hit that like button All right, those who know my live stream know those are on the video right now Live there's a chat box where you can post questions You can write the word question and post the question thereafter This is time for the q&a or you can purchase a super sticker or super chat That's the little dollar sign there and if you post a super sticker super chat It's easier for me to find and I'll ask your answer your question Also, it tells me that you appreciate me and all the funds from the super sticker super chat Goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley again That's my son right there and right there my son connor who passed away in his honor The scholarship fund is designed to defray the cost of personal development for those that seek personal development help so again Please purchase that super sticker to tell me that you appreciate me and you want to donate to the cause And if you're listening to the replay, you won't be able to see the chat box Or if you're listening to the audio version. All right, are we ready for questions? I hope so All right, let me scroll through here See what we got um Stormy says What's logical to me is that this is my reality and all of you are holograms and teddy bears will no longer be in my free healthy There you go um Let's see what else. Let's go swim and do we have any questions? when Can you help me be A better picker valley? Yes, I can schedule a free discovery call with me folks My area of expertise is teaching you how to pre qualify your prospect So you're investing time in men who are who are more suited that are suited for you because our old way of dating Which is all chemistry based way of dating isn't working We have to we have to determine do we share the same values? Are our lifestyles blendable and does this person have the emotional maturity and relationship skills to actually go the distance? And that's what I teach you how to vet for that So if you want to vet men check out the link in the description for a free discovery call with me So great question glenn. Thank you so much Elaine says both have to take the initiative exactly. It's a two lane street Roseanne says thank you for another great video and making me and numerous others laugh today It's just my sense of humor By the way, I'm gonna tell you I was in a relationship with someone who didn't like my sense of humor I'm listen. I have a very warped sense of humor. I can be sarcastic. I can be Crass I can be a brat. I mean I'm not perfect by any stretch of the mean so Hmm, but I'm happy to hear I make you all laugh. So Let's see. We got some questions here Vivian says Jonathan that cornflower blue shirt looks amazing on you. Thank you so much. I appreciate that All right. Tia Marie says Tia Marie says can two leos have a successful relationship? You know, I was I I was in a relationship once my birthday is august 1st. Her birthday was august 3rd And we both well she had a much bigger personality than me and she was actually quite a bit more famous than me In fact, I had no fame at that time in my life. So And and I was able to hold space in her success and her big personality Um, the problem with some leos not all but some They're actually highly can be narcissistic. You know, I mean, I'm not I'm not trying to suggest that the Astrological sign, you know meets that but there's certainly this the world revolves around me I know I have a bit of that inside of me. I have a big bravado I have a big personality and if someone else has a big personality that sometimes can clash Unless you find that way to coexist together in your personalities and certainly your professional life Could be a big part of that too. So if you're not able to Mesh your professional lives together It could be quite problematic Now not everybody is a leo that wants to be in the limelight. Not every leo Figure believes that the world revolves around them and yet A lot of leos Are some of the most successful people on the planet because it takes a level of like I said before bravado arrogance To put yourself out there and a bit of and it takes some humility as well. Believe me I get nasty remarks out there from people. So coming back to the question of can two leos get along Um, it's certainly possible But I will tell you it's going to take a lot of consciousness and intentionality for it to work Or at least that's my perception anyway, and I did once have I had a potential date with a woman who shared my birthday But we never made it there because I think our personalities conflicted with one another But that's for another story. So, um tm re thank you for that question All right holly writes question Is it okay to call what we have as a committed relationship where we won't get married or live together But that includes companionship exclusivity and great sex. Okay Great question. So folks There's a vast array of types of relationships out there Let's start with the kind of the ultimate relationship is marriage. Okay, that's the ultimate because that means you've made a commitment to say Through thicker through thin through better through worse through sickness and the health We're going to take care of one another and that usually means a commingling of funds So that's kind of the ultimate commitment now next is living together Which you could be you know if you if you put each other on the same lease or you start to commingle funds together And if you're there for one another that's about the second closest way to full commitment Now here's where it gets tricky when you're not living together or married with someone All right. Now it's based on how often do you see each other? That's kind of an important component Are you there for each other when things aren't going well? Are you there physically for someone? That's a big proponent of it because it's not always about the good times most folks Enter into relationship focused on the good times. This is why long distance relationships as an example tend to be bubble relationships because you know, they talk talk talk talk on the phone They get really really really horny they get together They fuck their brains out and then they go back to their respective lives And they're not actually being there through the tough times when things are going wrong. I'm not suggesting that's always the case That just happens to be most of the time So now there's other forms of relationships. There are Situationships, which is basically an undefined relationship. There's casual relationships those are again Relationships that have no destination No plan for a destination There's friends with benefits And there's friends with benefits and there's friends with benefits, but you just don't know it's friends with benefits I will tell you a lot of relationships are friends with benefits, but one person doesn't know that's what it is What I mean to say is you have you get together on occasion. You have a good time You think maybe there might be some monogamy and exclusivity here. There might be it might not But um, these are the ambiguous relationships and I will tell you situationships Casual relationships friends with benefits relationships are the ambiguous ones because there there might be monogamy and exclusivity But there's no real direction on where this is relationship is going and folks I have a contrarian view to the idea of where this relationship is going I'm telling you folks stop fucking leaving it up to the men I recently had a coaching call today with one of my clients who's in a long-distance relationship, which I encouraged her not to engage in And she wants to have the talk with him About how are we going to take the distance and move it together? And her idea was to say well, where is this relationship going? Never ever ever ask the guy relate where the relationship is going From now on I have a new request of all of you You tell him where it's going Let me repeat that you tell him where it's going. So what I told her is to tell him that you plan on moving nearby And to have a conversation Tell him you're planning on moving nearby and have a conversation She is scared shitless to have this conversation with them. She's scared shitless because she's afraid he'll break up with her Folks, that's what you want to do You want to provoke to actually see where this man's metal is where his metal is Is it metal or metal? Meddling anyway, I I'm having a brain part here for a moment But where his real temperament is on where this relationship? What does this relationship mean to him? Ladies, you don't have time to fuck around You don't listen the average woman waste five years with the wrong guy What? Yes, the average woman waste five years with the wrong guy. What? Yes Stop fucking around. We don't have time to fuck around at this age. It's time to get intentional folks Let me repeat this again before the penis goes in the vagina Purchase two copies of this book eight dates. He doesn't get to fuck you until you know what his true intentions are Now this might be a little draconian It might be a little rash But you know what? I would rather Find out who this person is before you give your heart away or give your heart to him. Excuse me Then to find out later. I have so many of my contemporaries just say go with the flow Have a good time. You'll find out who he is six weeks eight weeks 12 weeks in Folks, let me tell you something The minute you start engaging and someone your heart gets attached and it's really fucked To find out 12 weeks what you could have found in week one Because you've become attached and by the way a lot of my contemporaries would say this are men Men are men can detach a lot easier than you can Let me repeat that men can detach a lot easier than you can. I'm here to say I'm not going to give you that advice because that's very male oriented advice Because we can detach a lot easier and quite frankly we don't Easier we just we're so used to detaching easier that we can do it But quite frankly it's just as gut wrenching for us When we are attached to someone and they end the relationship 12 weeks in I'd rather have the band aid ripped off in the first or second week Then the 12th week or 12th year not the 12 years or 12 months. Let's just say At least that's my invitation for every one of you. So going back to the original question. What was it holly? um Is okay to call my committed we have a committed relation where we get married live together but Listen folks. I'm here to say once two people start going on the path Of investing in one another then it's time to be fucking intentional And I know some of you are probably pissed that I'm cursing But I'm I'm cursing because I'm tired of the childlike behavior amongst human beings and folks Listen, I was there too. I was very clueless Wasn't till I studied this shit. Did I realize the importance of this and it's critically important That you invest in learning by the way, I had one woman write me said Jonathan You recommend over 10 books on your videos. I don't have time to read books and I'm like You've got to be fucking kidding me If you don't have time to read a book, how the fuck do you even have time to be in a relationship? I'm only asking that you read one book a month for one year I'm only asking for 15 20 minutes a day If you can't invest 15 or 20 minutes a day in your personal development self-help and spiritual work Then you have no business being in relationship and to make it easy start with my book What the heck a self-love anyway purchase on amazon below A little pitch for my book who's purchased a copy of my book and who's it changed their life? I'm telling you this book is gold to shifting perspective because it's Because you don't have enough time to fuck around here anymore Take charge of your relationship destiny. Don't leave it up to a man You are in charge of your relationship destiny not him because most men as I said before are winging it winging it and they're rather Clueless is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know give me an amen or a thumbs up All right there holly. Thank you again for your question. I really appreciate it All right Wow, I was on I was on a rant All right, let's see let's go swim and let's go swimming Kimberly says at what point are the I love you's exchanged When you act okay So let me just share with you what I think I love well what I love you means to me. It means I'm here You matter We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you We oftentimes say the words. I love you the way we say the words. Thank you They're just we throw it out when we feel good I love you isn't about feeling good. I love you means you're sick. You know what? I'm gonna be there for you I'm gonna come bring chicken soup. I'm gonna be there for when you're sick You're having some financial issues. I'm gonna help you out a little bit That's when you really are loving on someone But we use the words I love you when we feel good. I feel so good. Let's just say I love you when we feel good I was in a relationship with a woman and we didn't say I love you right away We I called a I called a french friend of mine and I can't remember the term but we I asked for the term of what does love mean In a friendship capacity, but in a french way And this is what we said to one another because we weren't ready to say I'm ready to take care of you Ultimately to me. I love you means I'm really I'm ready to take care of you through thick and thin That's just my perception of I love you. You can have your own perceptions. I love you. I'm just offering you mine I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you That's what I love you means to me and that's my invitation for all of you as well So kimberley, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Carrie leg says question Why do you why do you men on dating apps want your phone number right away and want to meet right away? Great question because we don't want to wait. Okay, some men Don't want to waste time. They want to get the sniff test out of the way. You know what the sniff test is I Like a dog does sniffs the asshole Not that we want to sniff you're out. Well, we might want to sniff your ass It's the decide if we're attracted to you. That's why they do it. There is nothing fucking wrong with that There's nothing wrong with that now what you could do is say hey, let's do a a FaceTime call first or let's do a zoom call first Okay, that's a good thing to do I'm a big proponent of having a telephone call first Right away to determine kind of telephone chemistry Then we repeat that to determine telephone chemistry And I'm a big proponent meeting sooner rather than later if you live near each other do that if you live further apart You might need to spend some time on the phone And there are other people that would rather drag it out drag it out drag it out drag it out drag it out A lot of the people that drag it out They don't show up You know, I have a rule of thumb three two one three Three two one three. Okay. The three is this no more than three email or text exchanges Should lead to no more than two telephone calls that should lead to one date all in a three week period Shouldn't take more than three weeks if you live relatively near each other to meet each other three two one three No more than three email text messages no more than two phone calls should lead to one date all in three weeks That's my rule of thumb. Take it or leave it. All right. Thank you for that question. I really appreciate it I want to thank oh we have Amy who just purchased a super sticker. So oh Kathleen, thank you so so much for the super sticker. I really appreciate that and let's find the one question from Um Oh my god, there's just here we go. We got a lot of questions. I missed All right from Amy question I don't wait for a man to make the moves But I don't want to seem pushy or too forward either. Is there a happy medium or how much is too much great great question, so Let's say you're communicating with a guy on this little device. Let's use that as an example first You can simply say hey, I'm enjoying our conversation Would you like to get together for a drink my treat? Would you like to get together for coffee my treat? You can simply say that Hey, I'm enjoying our conversation. Would you like to gather together? Would you like to get together for coffee my treat by the way folks? I'm I'm suggesting you treat because that might that that's a very listen remember I said earlier in the video show up the way you want to be treated if you want a guy to treat you with generosity Show up with generosity. It's as simple as that Let me give you a different example. You've had a first date with someone it really went great And one day two days go by and you're like, oh, he didn't call me and all your girlfriends say Well, if he doesn't call you then dump him kick him to the curb delete the delete his phone number I swear to god you ladies treat each other so cruelly What I mean to say you give each other such terrible advice So my suggestion as an example you went on a great date with a guy And you reach out to him Maybe it's two or three days later to say hey, I had a really great time You know, I really appreciated that you took me out I'd like to show you my appreciation by taking you out for drinks is thursday or friday good for you I repeat that like to show my appreciation is thursday or friday are good for you Now one of two things are going to happen. He's going to say Great, I'd love to do it or he's going to give you some bullshit excuse But that tells you he's not that into you you can eliminate the waiting game the waiting game the leaning back into your Feminine energy is leaning back in your feminine energy hoping that the guy will claim you I'm sorry. I laugh at this stupid Okay, it's my perception that it's stupid. Okay. I'm not saying it is stupid. It's just stupid to me. Okay Folks, I'm here to suggest leaning into a different way to date That's why I keep recommending this book if the Buddha dated. I swear to god this will change your life I picked this up and read this in literally two hours It's not that hard and it's such a heart-centered way of approaching things and it teaches you how to make the move Without coming across as pushy. It's only pushy if the guy doesn't like you Let me repeat that it's only pushy if the guy doesn't like if he likes you he appreciates it But Jonathan, I'm told that men fall in love when you play hard to get Let me tell you something that temporarily works on dysfunctional human beings and You're gonna have to play hard to get for the next 60 years of your life because I will tell you the minute You know, if you're playing that game of hard to get because that's how you think men fall in love That's a slippery slope to play Start leaning into and folks. Let me tell you this Going back to my book chapter one Speak your truth do it with kindness chapter nine if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say or do anything to the wrong guy Being demonstrative being effusive being intentional only turns away the wrong guys Well, quite frankly, you're battling an uphill battle because 99 90 percent of the guys are the wrong guys That's why you want to find this shit out sooner rather than later So be demonstrative be effusive be intentional and if you don't know what those words are google them demonstrative effusive intentional And see what happens. I'm a contrarian as I said in the beginning of this broadcast I'm here to give you the opposite advice Do you guys remember the Seinfeld episode where George Costanza decides to do the opposite of every Instinct he ever had Remember what happened to him? He got a gorgeous girl and he got a great job And he got I think he ended up getting no that was a different episode he got on jeopardy But my point is If if every other dating advice is so great, then why are people so fucking miserable? I'm offering every all I do is say read these books to improve your inner being And be more intentional. That's all I'm offering Oh, but I also teach you how to by the way back to my coaching I teach you a skill that very few have ever learned is how to vet for emotional maturity That's my area of expertise. So again, check out a link to a free discovery call Okay, thank you so much Amy for that question. I really appreciate the super sticker as well All right, folks. Is this making a difference in your life? Please let me know give me that thumbs up Okay Belinda says the right guy should flow easily with you. Yes Belinda Riviera leaning back is much better than obsessing over them. No leaning in is much better than obsessing over them my opinion All right, Carolyn says If the chemistry is good, but you want to take it slow, what would you say to a delay the sex without killing the momentum? um Tell them you have a vaginal disease Tell them you have a uti. Tell them you have I don't know if you want it to I'm being rhetorical here. I mean, I'm being silly here Listen, you might want to say look. Are you open to exploring a serious relationship with me? Are you open to exploring a serious relationship with me? Because you obviously want to fuck me, but you want to explore a serious relationship with me? And if you do Then here's my suggestion. Let's purchase two copies of this book called eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman And we read this and there's eight separate chapters or eight separate dates And if at the end we think we're a good fit for one another Then you get to fuck me all you want. I'll suck your dick and do whatever you will not whatever you want I'm sorry. By the way, folks, you might think this is crude. I'm just saying it for a bit of laughs Okay, but the the the the essence of what I'm saying is If he demonstrates he's willing to make an investment in you then you're willing to say I'm hoping you're willing to say I'm willing to explore the sexual side But I'm not going to do the sexual side until I know you're legitimate And since 90 percent of you guys aren't legitimate, you don't get that. What did what did um Steve harvey say if you want the cookies did he call it the cookies? He makes every in his book uh act like a lady think like a man. He suggests waiting 90 days I don't suggest waiting 90 days I suggest reading a book and by the way This will give you great insight if he's legit or not. Let me repeat this. This will give you great insight if he's legit or not Ah Is this helping is this sinking in please let me know carolyn, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it All right, let's go swimming Glenn says, oh my god, was it that much? Patricia says you're being real jonathan. Thank you Um totally chill girl says crude is good. We're all grown-ups here. I'm happy to hear that Um Rita just said I just spit up my wine. By the way, my coffee mug says let that shit go. We gotta let that shit go Oh hmm Cece says I love your humor. Thank you I laughed out loud grossed out gross. I am out gross. I'm out. Okay, so we turn someone off. That's okay Karen, that's okay Uh belinda says ha ha. Okay. Let's see what other questions we have here. Yeah, we're gonna scroll up Let's go swimming. You know what I need is a Dory coffee mug a dory. By the way, I have a scooby-doo coffee mug now I need a dory coffee mug or a finding Nemo coffee mug. Let's go swimming All right, saty one of my regulars. Hey question jonathan Is it sensible for a woman to wait three to six months before sleeping with a guy in order to protect her heart? Could you give some measure of security? Um, I'll be candid with you saty if you were dating me and you wanted to wait six months. I'd be gone Sex is part of the decision-making process. Okay, and now I'm not saying that crudely I'm saying sex is part of our decision-making process to decide if we want to fully commit to someone so The idea so the first level of commitment At least in my book is the agreement of monogamy and exclusivity. That's the first level of commitment monogamy Exclusivity and the way we men get there is we got to fuck. Okay, that's part of our dna now This is one of the reasons why it used to be if you want to get laid you had to get married Okay, we don't operate in that space before so I don't believe in arbitrary Timelines, I'd rather you just say hey, can we purchase two copies of this book? Eight dates review it together before we have sex and that can happen within eight weeks Or it can happen within four weeks, but I don't like an arbitrary because here's the thing if you have to protect your heart You've already lost ladies. I really need you to hear this I have a video coming out about this, but I really need to hear this If you have to protect your heart from someone you have already lost Because here's the bottom line a woman with a protective heart She's already blocked from the very get-go I want you to operate from a different premise. It's not about protecting your heart I want you to have an open heart. Oops. I want you to have it. Sorry about the pit stains I want you to have an open heart because here's the thing Everything is happening for you Every situation you've ever happened in your life is is the connect the dots to who you are as a person So all those bad experiences should also if you actually learn to reframe everything reframe everything And you ask yourself what was what did I learn about each relationship? What are positive things that I learned about myself in each relationship? What was good in each relationship? And what am I most grateful for when you can operate from an open heart? You're going to have greater relationship success when you operate from protecting your heart You've already lost and I get it. There's a lot of wounded birds out there. Let me tell you something most of you wounded birds You shouldn't be dating you shouldn't be in relationship until you've actually achieved this experience What's called loving on yourself loving on yourself self love? This is my book purchase it and I highly recommend rather than protecting your heart read this book The Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas Childhood wounds and traumas that cause those negative patterns and limiting beliefs in your life that cause mistrust issues folks It is all your past hurts is why you're suffering in your relationship life Listen, I know I generalize that but I'm saying it's this when you're focused You know, it's like the woman who follows a Follows a channel all about narcissism if you're following a channel all about narcissism all about narcissism all about narcissism All you're going to do everything is going to be narcissistic in your life rather than focusing on the wrong Focus on the right focus on the healing Heal within oneself. This is a critically important book along with these two books to heal Getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Oh Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt It's time for a healing. It's not a don't protect your heart Because we men cannot climb to the highest room of the tallest tower It is not our job to break down your defenses as I'm sitting It is both human beings job to show up open demonstrable fusive intentional And that is the greater path to relationship success and that's my invitation for you Listen, as I said in the beginning of this broadcast These are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means do I suggest this is the truth You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a contrarian And I feel like that's what love would do and that's how love would respond Is to operate from an open loving heart than a protected closed heart. Who's with me here? Who's with me here? You know When connor passed away those again remember that's my son connor I had a very closed heart after he passed away I very fearful of opening my heart to somebody because I was afraid they would abandon me And for years for the for up until really recently. Have I actually opened my heart up? In fact, hold on everybody one second I shoot these videos actually near my kitchen. This is my front door It says here open and receptive to love open and by the way, easy meaning it's going to be easy But I'm open and receptive to love This doesn't say block your heart to love. This doesn't say this It says this be open be receptive So it's not about a timeline of waiting to have sex because here's the thing most guys will ditch you if you If you put a timeline on it, I would by the way, I would do it And I know a lot of you women would like to date me. So I'm saying if that's turn off to me It's a turn off to a lot of other guys Don't set up arbitrary timelines Set up better communication Read this book eight dates together read it together set up better communication with one another And then you'll know if you have a legit prospect or not And if you need help with that check out the link to a free discovery call with me Let's see if working with a coach is right for you because that's my area of expertise to vet better So you don't have to close your heart You can have a wide open heart to attract a great person in your life Can I get an amen? And I'm not going to raise my hands any higher because I don't want my pit stains to show All right, Sadie. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it All right Carolyn says this is sinking in yay Pleasant Valley says I appreciate your honesty. Keep it real Jen four says I wasted a year trying to get a man to love me You can't change a man only you can change only a person can change themselves exactly Jackie says Jonathan. Have you heard of the book boundary boss by Terry Cole? No, I have not. I'll check it out Um Catherine says amen by believe you Jonathan Jonathan You're one of the few relationship coaches out there who's truly trying to help women's lives and have wide open hearts. Yes. Yes. Yes Pleasant Valley says you have to be willing to be hurt to find love Listen, love is a risk and at the same time. It's still the best game in town It is listen. I I listen I've been rejected twice in the last Uh six weeks by two women You know what and it hurts it stings, you know, I'm not everybody's cup of tea I get that for whatever reasons and by the way, it's their own listen I take culpability with where I screwed up and they've got their own issues that they got to take You know take whatever they have to do they just do it themselves, but I still hold a vision for myself That I will attract an amazing partner in my life. I hold that vision I hold that vision that we're going to have amazing chemistry together I hold that vision that we're going to have amazing communication together I hold the vision that we have these lifestyles that're going to blend with one another I hold the vision That we have shared values. I hold the vision that she's emotionally mature and we're both emotionally mature together I hold the vision that we can build the roots to trust the roots to trust that will take us into our Senior years in our life. I hold that vision and I invite everybody to hold that vision for themselves And I want to remind you that while they're most while it's a shit show out there. It's a fucking cluster fucking shit show out there I'm also here to say it's raining good men. It's raining good men most men are good people They're just bad daters. Most men are good people. They're just bad daters So rather than judging men as being bad and hyper-focusing on what's wrong Start hyper-focusing on what's right and it first starts with the relationship. You have with yourself the Relationship where the fuck is my book now the relationship you have with yourself? It starts there Because when you're genuinely loving on yourself And you're genuinely loving on yourself. You know what? Folks, you know most of you know I wrote this book birth after the loss of Connor It is in his honor. It is in his honor that I work on having a life that thrives Folks, I invite you all this is my invitation for all of you to choose a life that thrives and not get stuck in the past The past is prologue The future is unknown what we have is the present and my invitation for you is to heal from the inside out So you can attract an amazing loving partner in your life and not everyone is going to do it You can do all this work and get a goose egg. That's okay. We get to do this over and over again I truly believe we come back and get a Numb thousands of opportunities to do this over again because I believe time is an illusion Okay, now I do a lot of mushrooms. So I do believe a lot of wacky things out there folks I mean my perception of reality you really want to shift your perception of reality Read the book a course in miracles read the book a course in miracles. This will change your life and truly along with all the other oh and One of the found not the founders But one of the the delivery of the person that talks about the course of miracles most read this book Return to love by Marianne Williamson return to love by Marianne Williamson because the real miracle is the love We have for ourselves and the love we have for everyone else Can you repeat that with me the love we have for ourselves and the love we have for everyone else Can I get an amen? I'm I should be a preacher. What do you think? Should I should I become a preacher? Alright, you know, I've said a lot today. I hope I found have given you value If I have please purchase a super sticker super chat before we wrap up today. I see a lot of comments here I want to thank Everybody is saying amen. Thank you so much Catherine says Or Catherine says thank God for Connor's life. Elaine says mushrooms for all. Thank you so much Folks this has been a blast to be able to share with you my thoughts my perceptions my opinions from the bottom My heart I am grateful to you all for your love and support I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate you and I hope I'm making a difference in your life All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. Are you with me? Give me a thumbs up All right, uh, first off if you know me, you know that first off I'm gonna give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love. Oh I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank you and have a wonderful blessed and beautiful weekend. You take care. Bye. Bye now and let me say goodbye to faith and Marianne and Glenn and Jean and Catherine and Elaine and Deanne and Catherine everyone pleasant alley. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye now. Bye