 Hello everyone, welcome to another Narc Survival Live video. I've got no juice in this one. Just been sipping on some water. But yeah, in this one we're going to be talking about how to make the narcissist value you again. Because as we know at some point in the relationship they begin to devalue their victim. They start to insult you and put you down. They start getting comfortable around you to where they just don't really even appreciate you anymore. They take it for granted. It's like nothing you do for them even really matters to them at that point. So in this one I am going to be telling you how you can make the narcissist value you again. By the end of this video you will know how to do just that. And it's likely that if you use this advice it will be effective. So how to make the narcissist value you again? First you need to recognise that the victim initiates the devaluation. So they began to devalue you because of something that you said or did. And I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm just saying that you're likely disapproved of something they said or did. You may not have openly told them about this but they're always scanning the environment for threats. They're observing your body language, facial expressions and tone of voice so that they can always be two steps ahead of you and see if there is anything wrong. So that they can always be in a position of control and to protect themselves against rejection, abandonment or exposure. So they noticed something in you where you disapproved of them. And then that is when they began to devalue you. Knowing that, that's one thing that could work. Start giving them compliments and praise. Just compliment them on little things about themselves, that appearance or something that they may be interested in. I mean remember we are talking about an narcissist here so it's got to be something superficial that they're more concerned about. Make them feel special, make them feel important make them feel attractive, desirable but may just overturn that expression of disapproval that you had earlier on which may have led to them devaluing you. So that is one thing to try. Give them compliments, praise them. If you find this video helpful so far show your support by hitting the thumbs up button down below. It helps you to algorithm to get this message out there to other survivors as well. But yeah, that's the first thing that I advise to get the narcissist to value you again. Compliment them, praise them. Honestly, narcissists they cannot resist compliments. They just can't not react to it. If you praise them, you compliment them they will be highly reactive to it. It will get their attention and it will get them to value you again. Sorry about any distractions outside any laughter. I know every time I do a live video there's always people coming past laughing outside but there isn't too much I can do about these patterns of behavior. But yeah, that's the first step to try is to compliment them, give them praise that could be quite effective and another thing that you can do to get the narcissist to value you again is, and this is for those of you who are excessively trying to get their attention you're always trying to get them to notice you up until this point that hasn't been working so if it hasn't been working then do the opposite stop giving them your attention put your attention on something else because normally when they feel your energy shift and your focus goes on something else other than them they feel that they're losing that supply and then because of that they may then reach out and try to get you back and that's typically what I would advise in most situations if you want the narcissist to value you again just do the opposite of what you've been doing up until that point it's likely to be quite effective and another thing if the narcissist has found a new supply what you want to do is look at the new supply and see what it is that is attracting well I say attracting but narcissists are never really attracted physically or sexually to any of us but what is pulling them in that direction with the new source what is it that they like about them typically what we need to understand is that narcissists do not view us as people we are just objects that exist to serve them and meet their needs so if you want the narcissist to value you again just don't be a separate person with your own feelings and needs if you want a narcissist to value you do not be a person do not show them your individuality your sense of identity your human qualities and instead to get a narcissist to value you again objectify yourself and not only that and some of you may be quite surprised by this but you also do not treat them as a human being do not expect any empathy or compassion from them do not expect any love or deep connection and instead yes as crazy as this sounds not only objectify yourself if you want the narcissist to value you again but objectify them I know it sounds crazy I know it sounds counterproductive but I would think automatically for a normal person if you objectify them they're probably not going to like it they're probably going to turn against you, hate you not want to talk to you again very different with narcissists yes if you want the narcissist to value you again objectify them this attractive or desirable thing or this person who just has this image they have a lot of money they just have some superficial quality I mean just look at that that's all they really want all these narcs really want is to be objectified they don't want to be looked at by real people because that doesn't do anything for them it doesn't give them supply so by all means yes this is very powerful because this is the type of exchange the type of interaction that they desire and crave the most more than anything else you think they really care about real human connection they despise that, it repulses them they don't like it when you have that because they get envious but they don't really want that for themselves they prefer superficial interaction where people objectify themselves and each other and it's all about superficial qualities so yeah, that's what you've got to do the narcissist to value you again remember what I said the victim tends to initiate the devaluation I'm not blaming you for that of course but what I'm saying is that you may have disapproved of something they said or did and they didn't like it even if you didn't openly say that to them they may have read it in your body language they may have used your tone of voice they're always scanning for threats slights or criticisms for any signs of disapproval they may have felt like you disapproved of them so what could work, what could be effective is if you give them compliments and praise especially on superficial things and also another thing to identify clearly it's not working so do the opposite of what you've been doing and it may have the opposite effect it may make them value you again and also if they have a new source take a look at the new source what do you think it is that is pulling the narcissist in that direction and maybe try to emulate those qualities or traits whatever it is that they're looking for or that they found in this new person try to take on some of that yourself and then that may make them value you again if that is what they are valuing in someone else right now why can't they value that in you because remember people are just objects they don't actually care about the actual person it's more about how you can make them feel what you can provide to them that's what matters to them and finally my last point was to objectify yourself because remember they don't want to deal with a separate person who has their own feelings and needs they want an object that exists to serve them and meet their needs they can't be bothered to listen to you your problems, what you want a narcissist they just don't want to hear it they want it to be all about them they want you to be this object whose sole purpose is to please and satisfy them so you can't objectify yourself and believe it or not it may sound kind of productive but objectify them as well yes objectify the narcissist will make them value you again and when I say objectify them compliment them on superficial things their physical appearance some superficial quality their new car they will love that they don't want to be treated like an actual person with depth or substance there's nothing a narcissist wants more than to be complimented on superficial qualities there's nothing they want more than that that is their supply it validates the false self and the illusion so this is what you need to do if you want that narcissist to value you again but what I will say is that this is not my advice I'm not telling you to go out and make that narcissist value you again but of course not, I mean over 5 years I don't think I should have to get on here and even say that but then we do have to consider that the baby knew people watching this video and you know as a life coach and a narcissist expert I would never advise for you to try to get the narcissist back to value you again I would never advise that what I would advise is for you to just leave them alone forget about them, go to contact heal and move on from them that's my advice of course I understand not everyone is there yet for all the different parts of the healing journey I get that and I recognise parts of my healing journey but yeah, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want the narcissist to value me again not right now of course but before yeah in the past and I'm sure we've all experienced that but what I will say to you is that you do need to be very careful I mean even if they do value you again I can tell you that whatever you thought you had in the beginning the false character the love bombing the idealisation the treatment that you received it's not going to be like that again yeah they may love bomb you again but it's not going to be the same the best that it gets is at the very beginning that is as good as it gets especially since you started to catch on you recognise that it is an illusion it is fake actually they've gone and devalued you so it's not just on their end even if they gave you everything they've got you're not going to believe that it's real you're going to see through it feeling that it did in the beginning and another thing is that even after that very short period of time after they may decide to love bomb you again you're almost going to come after that devaluation again and if you thought that was bad the first time the second time is much worse because they're comfortable with you now what they did to you the last time that became normal so it's only going to escalate after that the more time you spend around them the more they will devalue you and the worse the abuse and mistreatment will get it is not going to get better I've never really heard anyone say that they've been with a narcissist self-absorbed person who lacks empathy and things have gotten better over time no one ever says that they all say that it gets worse the more time that you spend around them yeah it's just going to get worse and worse it's essentially the same thing as I'll be honest I haven't done this for a while because as you know I am a vegan and I haven't seen any vegan Ben & Jerry's ice cream for quite a long time but it's essentially the same thing as you've got a nice big tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and your freezer you pull it out you start digging away consuming it enjoying it and yeah that's like the love bombing but you see in the ice cream it tastes great creamy texture even if it's vegan it's still so good to just dig it away at the tub just consuming this Ben & Jerry's ice cream and you're enjoying every spoonful of it yeah that's the love bombing the problem is it's only a matter of time until it starts to have an effect on you you start to experience feelings of guilt I saw you did something wrong you did a bad action and not only that you may then have a bad stomach you may start to feel sick you may start to feel like something is not right inside of you and then it's like you look back and you're thinking was that really worth it just for that short period of time of the love bombing was it really worth it just so afterwards I could feel guilty like I've done something wrong maybe even regretful nauseous was it really worth it for that and not only that but it's like maybe you were on a diet not just from Ben & Jerry's ice cream from narcissistic abuse yes maybe you were on a diet from that and the more time you spend away from it like any addiction it could be Ben & Jerry's ice cream but then it could also be alcohol tobacco it could be anything or anyone because as we know addictions can be to people sometimes as well and it's like the longer you spend away from that person or that substance the better you feel but then it's like the moment you go back to it then it's got that hold on you again how suddenly it's controlling your life your feelings and emotions you're being pulled back into it again and once you get pulled into it it's very hard to get back out once you're stuck in it you're relished in it you're smothered in it you're rolling around in it partaking in it you're enjoying it it's very hard to just step aside from it and just leave it alone because it may bring back memories that you had before when you used to enjoy it it may have been a favourite activity to you to spend time participating in this and this could be eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream it could be some other kind of addiction because let's be honest I mean Ben & Jerry's ice cream it is addictive it's not healthy even the vegan one that still carries a lot of sugar and that's really what we need to do we need to recognise this person is not healthy they're not good for us bad for our health so I guess all in all what it comes down to is forget about the maker that asks us to value you again who cares if they value you or not the real question is and what you need to ask yourself is do I value myself do I respect myself because if the answer is no then that's clearly something that we need to work on because we should value and respect ourselves and we should be more worried about that rather than being so focused on whether or not the narcissist values us and the reason for that is because who cares if they value you or not what difference does that make for you do you value them if you do why what value have they ever brought to your life they are low value people they're negative they can only take value away they have no value to bring to you it's quite ironic when you think about it I mean the title of this video the maker that asks us to value you again that's really the irony of it that's making them value you when it's like do you even value them and if you do should you have you received anything of value from them this is the thing if you were desiring for an narcissist to value you I can tell you why you are doing that the reason why is because you have externalised your value and you you need to learn to value yourself to respect yourself to love yourself and I'm not saying you haven't been doing that already maybe you have but you need to do that more if you really care about whether or not this narcissist values you and you want them to value you again it's because you're externalising your value you need to bring your value back within yourself validate yourself write a gratitude list things you're grateful for read it out every day positive affirmations yes these things actually work I've tried it myself and as you can see I am very confident in myself on my own abilities I am a super confident person I love myself I value myself and there is nothing inside of myself that thinks otherwise there isn't a cell in my body that believes that I am not enough and I want that for you as well because that's the thing when you value yourself you respect yourself you're not going to care if they don't value you if they value you or not you're not going to be concerned about that because even then it's just superficial value it has no depth it has no substance there's not going to be any real connection so what good is it? what good is that? if it's not even real if it's just an ego trip a delusion what good is that for you those of you who want something long term you want a future in reality then it's no good select them right off and continue to exist in their little fantasy world inside their heads you do not have to be a part of it you do not have to participate in it you could be you just as I can be me and they can be whatever they think they are whatever they think is better for them that makes them happy of course as we know it doesn't they can never be happy but with their delusional minds they make some feel better at that moment it distracts them from their pain from their insecurity their low self esteem because yes they are very insecure and they are around high value people problem is you cannot lift them up the reason why is because they are too low down so you can't pick their heads up heads up out of that because they are far too low all that is going to happen is that they are going to pull you down with them and that's why I say you just got to step away from it leave it alone focus your attention on something else that is very effective at some point you got to you got to notice that you are directing all of your energy and attention to this thing and it's getting sucked into a void nothing is being reciprocated back to you at some point you have to recognize that and then redirect your focus put it on something that is going to serve you that is going to benefit you that is going to improve your life that's what I had to do earlier on my journey as well at some point I started to realize hold on a minute I've been directing my energy and attention to certain people certain things, certain activities every day all of this time, all of these years it's gotten me nowhere because all of that stuff just went into a void and it was never reciprocated back to me so then I started to shift my focus onto other things things that would serve me things that would reciprocate something back to me things that would do that for me of course when you shift your focus onto some of the things and suddenly it's not just all of your energy getting drained into a void you're getting something back now now things are being reciprocated back to you and it's making you feel good about yourself it's making you feel more confident, happy you don't feel that way with us it says though do you that's it you're worried about making them value you again just so you can go back into the void back into their cave of darkness when they strip all of the energy out of you of your confidence and enthusiasm so yeah direct your energy attention and focus onto things that are serving you that's really what you need to do notice how things are making you feel anything that you are consuming people foods the contents on YouTube whatever it is ask yourself how is this making me feel does this make me feel good does this make me feel cured understood or do I feel neglected and confused do I feel like I'm giving everything out and I'm getting nothing back and if that's how you feel leave it alone at least take a break from it maybe come back to it at a later date and then examine how you feel again and if it's still the same then maybe you should leave it alone for good or at the very least consume less of it like with the Ben & Jerry's example I mean if you're eating a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream in one go then you're feeling guilty, you're feeling sick but at the same time it's like a treat for you because you work hard you go to the gym several days a week that's like a little treat at the end of the week and just split it up half and then have the other half after a few days you don't have to eat it all in one go but then if it's really that bad and you're just having half a tub of Ben & Jerry's you're still feeling sick you're still feeling guilty maybe it's time to leave it alone try something else and anything it's all about the feeling why do we do the things that we do why do we consume why do we consume the content that we consume why do we eat the foods that we eat why do we engage in addiction such as tobacco, alcohol or drugs why do we get into these relationships it's all because of one thing that's why we do it and that one thing is the feeling that we get from it and maybe we do get a little bit of it in the beginning but as time goes by then we don't get that feeling anymore then it becomes negative feelings so again in anything this is what we must identify how is this making you feel right now is this making you feel good and if the answer is yes then great keep doing it keep enjoying it why stop if it's making you feel good and it's not harming anyone else around you then why would you stop doing it if it makes you feel bad if it makes you feel sick upset, guilty whatever negative emotion it may be that's probably a sign that you should step away from it and it may not be a completely bad thing altogether it may just not be good for us an narcissist I mean they're not good for anyone or anything they're not even good for themselves but yeah that is the message for today to get an narcissist to vanquish you again for those of you who want to know but of course as I said I do not advise that they're not worth it they're really not there's so many better things you could be doing with your time other than being around these knocks but yeah if you found this video helpful please give it a thumbs up down below it helps the youtube algorithm to get this message out there to other survivors as well it's very important because they may need it just as you did today and also let me know your thoughts in the comment section below I reach your comments every day hit that subscribe button and click on notification so that you will be notified when I upload a video in the future and if you would like to book a one-on-one coaching session with me just go to my website it is knocksurvivor.co.uk you can also follow me on instagram it's knocksurvivor youtube again thank you all for watching and for joining me on another knocksurvivor live video I do appreciate you all and as always I look forward to talking with you in another one very soon