 Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, presents the halls of Ivy's, starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made Milwaukee famous. If you like good beer, you'll find it pays to be curious and learn about Schlitz for yourself. Welcome again to Ivy, Ivy College that is in the town of Ivy USA. It's that period of watchful waiting which happens every spring between Easter vacation and final exams. Dr. William Todd-Hutter Hall, president of Ivy, spends his days now in careful consideration of possible results of year-end fatigue. His wife, the former Victoria Cromwell at the London stage, is listening now, as he says. And it's true every year, Vicki. From the moment they come back after the Easter holiday, anything can happen. And nine out of ten times does. It's the annual silly season. Well, I refuse to worry about it, Toddie. Your ability to handle a useful mind always thrills me. If it were only the useful mind, this epidemic of spring strikes almost everyone. Age confers no immunity. Even the faculty begins to organize ukulele clubs. And the board of governors are forming themselves into a scouting troupe, which they're calling the Ivy Beavers and Bruisers. Whatever to say, too. Who knows, beef and bruise, I suppose. The youngest member is 58. Last weekend, they all slept under the star that shoots his grove in pup den. It rained on Saturday night. Cats and dogs. Were they communing with nature? Yes, but apparently nature didn't commune back. None of them has been able to get out of bed since. These disciples of Tarzan have learned, I imagine, that aping an ape man is not to be monkey-ed with. I suppose they had to call off their Tuesday meetings. Yes, each one now is nursing his cold and dreaming up devilry for me. I think you're just imagining things, Toddie. Don't forget it's getting close to the end of the year for you, too. You're tired. I hope you're right, but until the first day of exams is over, I won't be able to hear a telephone ring without... Without what? Without answering it, I guess, with great fear and trembling and the sincere hope that it's the wrong number. Excuse me. Dr. Hall speaking. Oh, Mr. Wellman. Yes, I expect to be because... No, no, no. I'll be here. All right. Goodbye. Spring is here. And busting out all over. He's livid. When is he? Very proper question. He probably means to prove that I personally turned on the rain Saturday night. Then bribed all the town doctors to prescribe arsenic in generous doses. Why didn't I think of that? Mr. Wellman go to such lengths to carry on this great feud with you, Toddie. He really disliked us so much. Would it be quite fair to our chairman of the board, Vicki? I don't think he could answer that question himself. Mr. Wellman is deeply and sincerely interested in this college and everything that happens here. Well, sir, are you? They're also qualified to do the things that need to be done and do them much better than anyone else. Well, thank you, my darling, but my business, however, is education. Mr. Wellman's is soup. On him it looks good. I can close my eyes now and see him peering through the noodles. Well, as the saying goes, let him wear them in good health. At any rate, in or out of soup, he is devoting his fortune and the rest of his life to Ivy. And for that, if nothing else, he has my qualified admiration. Wellman is an absolute devil, and you know it. He's out for your hide. And mine, too, for that matter. Well, Vicki, he can have mine. It's a rather tired, very battered old hide scarred by the marks of whip and spur, but yours, ah, that is another matter. And if there is ever any move made in the direction of your lovely epidermis, well, Mr. Wellman will discover why they used to call me Wildcat Hall. The Tiger of the Tap Room. Oh! Well, personally. Well, that's probably soup-face now. Ah, now, Victoria. This is Hall. Yes, Alice. There's a salty-looking character here, a nasty old job. Looks like a top sergeant just busted to corporal. And did he give you his name? Well, not till I made him sound off. He just wants to talk to the top brass. Name's Wellman. He ought to be a pension by now. Well, ask him to come in, Alice. OK, but you're wasting your time, Colonel. I do wish he'd stop calling me Colonel. Makes me feel like I'm going out and munching some blue grass. Ah, Mr. Wellman. Dr. Hall. How do you do, Mr. Wellman? I'm not doing well at all, Mrs. Hall. Oh, I'm sorry. Furthermore, as it is entirely due to your most recent interference in college affairs, I shall come straight to the point. Just a moment. Not that straight, Mr. Wellman, if you'll please. This lady is my wife. You will remember that. I do, Dr. Hall. It is not my desire to be disrespectful, but I am a man of few words. I do not propose to Shelley Shelley. Would you mind telling me what I've done? It has come to my attention, Mrs. Hall, that you are using your influence to persuade certain students to take up a career such as yours has been. Me? Persuading students? What, you mean to go on the stage? Oh, how ridiculous. I shall have to ask you to be more specific, Mr. Wellman. It has come to your attention through whom and who are certain students. I am not at liberty to mention names at this moment. Then you have grossly over-cept your authority to have mentioned this at all. I shall take it up to the board at once. You will take it up. I will take it up, Dr. Tomorrow at a special session. You apparently don't question the truth of this accusation at all. Do you, Mr. Wellman? Hardly the source is beyond reproach. And I take it that is more than you can say for Mrs. Hall or myself. I have a high regard for you, Dr. Hall, and Mrs. Hall professionally. I have never believed, however, that your two professions could be fused. My argument this time has, I think, been proved. You've firmly established, then, that I'm a menace to Ivy. That, Mrs. Hall, is a rather extreme way of stating it, I must admit, Mr. Wellman. What is it? You've gone pretty far with me before. I've tried to be fair to be understanding. May I offer you a word of advice? Please do. You had better be right this time. Good day, Dr. Hall. Good day. Pompous, fatuous, self-righteous ass. Really? No. What's the devil he's talking about anyway? And the foggiest idea. Does it worry you, darling? Oh, how could it worry me? I know how you behave with students. You're wonderful with them and any influence you've ever used has done them good. Hey, hey, Colonel. Oh, what? Oh, me, yes. It's you. What is it? Well, I heard that old buzzard screaming in here, so I give his orders a little frisk. You did what? I cased his effects and sifted his knapsack. Alice. Yes, ma'am? At ease. Oh, thank you, ma'am. Now, what are you saying? I lifted some papers. Thought we might go through them before Chaff, get the case broken by Reveley, and go into the court martial with our heads up and tails over the dashboard. Ma'am, in the armed forces we call it liberating. But, Alice, this is criminal. My orders came straight from the upper echelon. Brass hat called Meruweather, phoned while you were busy. Meruweather? Yes, gave me my orders. Told me just where the papers were. Told me to snatch them. He's phoned in your lighter for read-em, Colonel. Go ahead, read-em. Certainly not. Well, I will. I'm the prisoner anyway. Hmm, I... Oh, look, Toddy. Victoria, you must not go through Mr. Wellman's private correspondence, dull though it probably is. Why not? He's making a business of going through my private life. Here, this envelope's marked in pencil. Case of Betty Garnet, Victoria Hall. Garnet! The first time I ever heard you say my gosh, Victoria. Now, if you can only learn to follow batting averages and chew gum... Oh! What's the matter? I don't have to read Mr. Wellman's mail. I know now. Well, tell me. Betty Garnet is the most talented youngster in the school. See, actually, that is. She was the post of the junior follies. You know about that. What you don't know is that I wrote her mother a letter. Did you? Why? Because I thought she was wonderful. I sat down and poured out all my enthusiasm about her to the one person who ought to love it, her mother. But I... I certainly didn't suggest that she had run away from school and joined up a less company or something. No, of course you didn't. Writing her mother was a fine thing to do. I'm just trying to think why the name of Garnet rings such a bell with me. Garnet. Anyway, I can't understand why there should be such a fuss about a highly complimentary letter to a parent. Oh, I can. You mean that simply because you were an actress and the letter came from you that... Exactly. I'm an actress, or was, so anything from me is sinful and sinister. Now, can anyone be that narrow in this enlightened age? If this age is enlightened, Toddie, there's a certain dim-bowl named Wellman who... I'll get it. Dr. Hall speaking. Dr. Merryweather. Oh, hello, Mr. Merryweather. I'll make this brief, doctor. I told that military gargoyle of yours to swipe those papers because I think this whole thing is absurd. Tempest in a crackpot. And you know who I mean. I do indeed. I wanted you to be prepared, doctor. Mrs. Garnet will be here tomorrow for the meeting. You know the type. Thin-lipped and thick-headed. Manning that Mrs. Hall be forbidden further contact with the students. What? Forbid my wife too? That's what her letter said. Being his house, she contributed more than a quarter of a million bucks to the school in the last two years. The governors think she's a highly cultured lady. What do you think? I think she's an eagle-beaked ghoul. I shall insist on having Mrs. Hall's letter right at the meeting. No, you won't have to insist, doctor. He's a man who can hardly wait to read it. He's rehearsing already with gestures. Gestures like cutting a throat. I know the man you mean, Mr. Marigold. My jugular vein is his favorite target. He's a little more determined than usual this time. Oh, why? Well, nepotism raises his curly little head here, doctor. You see, Mrs. Garnet's maiden name was Wellman. She's his sister. What do you say to that? Oh, brother. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made Milwaukee famous. Well, return to the halls of Ivy, starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Colvin in just a moment. But first, let's hear one man's story of how three old friends got together and made up for lost time. Roger Sloan and I used to work with the same outfit. As salesmen, we split the Illinois territory between us and as beer drinkers, we shared a taste for Schlitz. That was 10 years ago, and a lot can happen in 10 years. Rodge got transferred. I got married. And one way or another, we kind of lost track. And then bingo, out of a clear sky, the phone rang. And sure enough, it was old Rodge telling me he was in town for a couple of hours and could I meet him after work? You bet I could. I cleared up a few odds and ends on the desk and checked the clock, grabbed my hat and took off. As I walked into the bar, I spotted him sitting at the door. He hadn't changed much. A little chunkier maybe, but aren't we all? He had a bottle of Schlitz beer in front of him and it seemed like old times, the same guy, the same brand of beer. I thought about how long it'd been since I'd tasted Schlitz and wondered if it was still as good as ever. Just then, Rodge looked up and recognized me. And after we got through pounding each other on the back, he ordered a bottle of Schlitz for me. I haven't held one of those long, deep swallows and believe me, it was almost as good to taste Schlitz beer again as it was to see my old buddy once more. They tell me Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. Well, it's no surprise to me. I said it in the old days and I say it now. No wonder Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee famous. That's a wrong... The meeting of the Board of Governors is drawing to a close. Like a hall has been harried and beset for too long hours with a sniping of Mr. Wellman and the snobbery of Mrs. Garnet. The President of Ivy is speaking. And in conclusion, Mrs. Garnet and gentlemen, may I say this? Having heard Mrs. Hall's letter and forgetting for the moment that she's my wife, I think we're fortunate indeed to have such warmth such understanding quite by accident on this campus. If my recognition of her virtues could be called an accident, remembering again that she is my wife, my pride in her knows no bounds. Mrs. Garnet and members of the Board, a college such as Ivy, is made up of more than bricks, mortar and books. There are elements even more important than what we call learning. It is our tradition to furnish proper equipment for life. And whether we do it with textbooks, songs, good talk, or simple understanding of our fellows, doesn't matter. Mrs. Hall has been an invaluable contributor. Victoria... Oh, Tati, what did awful for you? It was magnificent for me. Thank you, my darling, for giving me the opportunity to say out loud so many things that had they stayed inside me any longer would have turned into cute little ounces. What's going to happen? I have invited Mrs. Garnet to tea with her brother. Oh, no. What kind of tea shall we serve? Hemlock? I don't look forward to it either, my dear, but I thought it highly unfair that you shouldn't get a crack at her, too. As long as she's here. Well, I could have lived without it. Oh, I know. But one can't let a person go about the world accusing other persons of one thing or another, just because one knows only one class of person. I mean, can one? Would you mind repeating the question? Yes, darling, I would. But we'll give Mrs. Garnet an abridged four-year course in world understanding over one cup of tea. Lots of sugar. All right, Toddy. I'll do the very best I can. You don't have to do anything. Did anyone call when I was out? Yes, and strangely enough, Betty Garnet, she asked if she could see me this afternoon and were not knowing of these plans of yours. I said yes. Well, let her come. She'll be a nice surprise for her. Hey, Colonel. Oh, oh, yes. Me, what is it, Alice? The old buzzard's back. You're with him. Alice, you simply must control your powers of description. I cannot permit you to talk like this. Oh, sorry, sir. Mrs. Garnet and Mr. Wellman to see you, sir. That's better. Less accurate, perhaps, but more courteous. Ask them to come in, will you? Yes, sir. As you are. She's driving me crazy. No, she only frightened me. I rather suspect that the whole household has taken on a new color since her arrival. A sort of a lurid khaki. You know, she makes me... Ah, Mrs. Garnet. Mr. Wellman. Dr. Hall? Victoria, may I present Mrs. Garnet? How do you do, my wife? How do you do? Good evening, Mr. Wellman. How do you do, Mrs. Hall? Mrs. Hall? Won't you sit down, please? What he'll be in in just a moment, I'd better warn you, Mrs. Garnet, he may be served for a breast or company front. Our cook is ex-army ex-wack, but she's the best I could find at the moment. Really? I presume you do have trouble in keeping yourself certain. Oh, no, Mrs. Garnet, that isn't the difficulty. I'm afraid the home of a college president is different from those you'll find around Boston's bank base. That's true. We really do have to be prepared for some quite remarkable eating emergencies, like, say, 20 hungry students at six o'clock on any Sunday night. What is the emergency about that? The emergency of each one of them having run out of what is known as his allowance. I have always found it charming in my own home to serve al fresco. Well, I'm sure you have, but sometimes it gets a little too al fresco, and I find myself cooking for an unexpected dozen or more. You cook? You bet I do. I make the most wonderful risotto with mussels. Edsil Binda gave me his own recipe. Let me say, Mrs. Garnet, that for me, cook's night out is one enchanted evening. Risotto with mussels? But when could you possibly have learned to cook, Mrs. Hall? What were your years in the theatre? Well, we have to eat, Mrs. Garnet. Yes, even in the theatre. There are producers who minimize the necessities, but it's there. It never occurred to me. Oh, not that you didn't eat, of course. But I've always thought of an actress as, well, late supper, you know, a cold bottle with a hot bird, the Savoy Grill. That sort of thing. Well, is that true when you're a success? It's usually a long time arriving. A hot plate in one's flat helps to bridge the gap. I remember seeing you in the gap, Mrs. Hall. Lulu's Mad Moment. Golders' Green, 1934. Well, that was the gap, all right. It ran three days. And six months later, I got my next job, a smaller part, and I didn't like it much either. Why did you take it? I was an actress, Mrs. Garnet. That's my job. The profession I chose. What happened? That play ran for two years. And at the end of the run, Vicki found herself London's newest star. How fascinating. How many years had you been working at it by this time? Well, that bit of information, Mrs. Garnet, will remain forever a secret. I should imagine. Anyway, from that time on, you were a star. No, I didn't hit the jackpot until one day at St. Andrews when I sank a 40-foot cut. Scotch producer, I won the match in the starring part. Did you play golf, Mrs. Hall? Well, I wouldn't say that, but I have a full set of clubs, Mr. Wellman. And a handicap that makes me press like a tailor. Well, I must say, Mrs. Hall, I'm a naïve. Cooking, golf? Really, I had no idea. Mrs. Garnet, may I ask you a very direct question? Of course, doctor. Have you ever known an actress before? Good heavens, no. Well, I do not. I'm terribly sorry. Oh, don't apologize. I do understand so well. Is it shocking to find out that an actress can be, well, something approaching normal? Well, frankly, Mrs. Hall, it is. And a shock that may be very good for me. Tell me a little more. I'm beginning to think I'm a pretty stupid woman. And I know about my brother. In that case, I have a feeling we could be very good friends. You know, Mrs. Hall. But call me Vicki. You know, Vicki? My name's Grace, by the way. I'm going to tell you that I only hope the influence Elizabeth has had at home is half as good as she's had here. Great. And you, Clarence, why don't you mind your own business? Now, Vicki, tell me. Mrs. Garnet, I feel that we could... What about that risotto? This is not for... I'd like to give you the recipe. There's several ways of doing this. Victoria, right? Go on, Vicki, go on. We over-tried to get into a conversation when two women who have suddenly discovered each other are talking. It's impossible. Do you know that for the first time since we had known each other, Mr. Wellman and I have sat in complete silence, looking at each other in almost a friendly way. She came and went, and the long shadows began to deepen over the lawn in front of the house before we could get in another world. That's a wonderful recipe, Vicki. I'm going to try it as soon as I get home. Oh, good. Pardon me, Mrs. Hall. There's a Miss Betty Garnet to see you, ma'am. Oh, Elizabeth. She doesn't even know I'm in town. We're asked to come in, Alice. She said, ma'am, for you to come to the living room window. She's got a surprise for you. There's a lot of personnel with her. Just tell the girl her mother's here. No, no, wait a moment, Mr. Wellman. Let's see what she's up to. Why don't you all just sit still for a moment? Yes, Mrs. Hall. What's all that crowd doing with you? Oh, will you stay right where you are? You look so pretty framed in the window like that. Oh, thank you. You know, we didn't do much after the junior follies were over, but we thought about a lot, mostly about you, because the follies was you. You had the patience of a saint. You never stopped working with us, and you beat our brains out in the nicest way anybody could. And you gave us the best follies in the history of Ivy. You know something? We love you. And we want to tell you so in the best way we know. And we can sing better than we can talk anyway. It isn't tied with ribbons or wrapped in Santa Fe. The gifts we bring might be... Any questions? This is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made Milwaukee faint. Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Colburn. Oh, Toddy, I do hate moving day, don't you? Despise it. Except that in this case, there are no brawny, moving men peering into the old refrigerator in hopes of finding an overlooked bottle of something or other. Are you all packed here? All packed? I say, Vicki, do you suppose our friends will be able to find us again after we move? Would it be dreadful if they couldn't? Better make it very explicit with them. Very well. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, beginning May the 10th, the halls of Ivy will move to Wednesday night over the same NBC station. Your local paper will give you the exact time. We hope you'll join us next Wednesday night. Good night. Good night, everyone. Okay, champagne for Caesar. Remember, beginning next week, the halls of Ivy, starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Colburn, will be heard on Wednesday night. Lucille Norman played Betty Gardner. The other players were Willard Waterman, B. Bernard, Herb Butterfield, and Lois Corbin. Tonight's strip was written by Nat Wolfe and Don Quill. The song was written by Henry Russell and Vic Knight. The halls of Ivy was created by Don Quill, directed by Nat Wolfe and presented by the Joseph Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Ken Carpenter speaking. Next, stay tuned for We the People over most of these NBC stations.