 Greetings, everyone, and welcome to Progressive Discussions' podcast, special segment of Megalife 21 Mayhem. Happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone who is Irish in the world, particularly Irish Americans. I'm your host, James P. Madonna of Megalife 21, and I am dressed for St. Patrick's Day with my Blackthorn Irish Shalely and the weapons grade version, of course, imported from Ireland. And I have two special guests, because this is sort of a variety show. This is very different from the normal shows that I do, the routine shows. This show will contain much entertainment, lots of levity, and it will be a great mixture. I have back, very proud to announce I have back, The Renaissance Man Can Create and Undercover Bob. Gentlemen, well, first of all, let me get candy on here. How you doing, James? Hey, Patrick's Day, Terry. Hey, Patrick's Day. Actually, I had a ton of corned beef and cabbage last week, and I loved it, and I'm going to do it again, because why? Because all these cheap bastards, all these restaurants out there, and bars, and sports bars, and pubs, they all stopped all you can eat, corned beef and cabbage. Shame on you, you cheap, stingy bastards. I used to go to pub 46 in Clifton. He stopped it. You think I'm going to go in and just have one portion of corned beef and cabbage? I can eat a ton of it. I need all you can eat. It was tender, delicious brisket of corned beef, and the cheap bastard, ended it. Actually everybody ended it, ended it. I'm not going to go in and pay no seven, eight bucks for a corned beef sandwich. What are they out of their mind? What are you, a manager from a wrestling federation? No, I just like to eat. I have a big appetite. I need my protein. Man. That's how I'm like a hummingbird. That's how I get all this enthusiasm and energy. Wow. I need to have all you can eat. Shame on you. You suck. I will not set foot in any of these sports bars and pubs in the northern New Jersey area until you bring back all you can eat corned beef and cabbage. And I also used to go for all you can eat baby back ribs. Wow. And they ended that too. How about the buffets? Isn't there any more buffets? Yeah, but they put out garbage corned beef. We're all gristle and everything. I like that nice, tender, well-marinated brisket of corned beef. You know what? What a rip-off. You know what I think it is Mr. Ken create. I think when they first open up, they give a lot to the customer. And then I think over time when they get very popular, they start to show disrespect for their customers and they start giving you less and less and less. Right. It's greed or maybe they're just scumbags. You know, naturally born cheap motherfuckers. They're bags. They're bags. Oh, by the way, these shows are all on season. So I will give, I will turn the show over to the renaissance band Ken create and on the cover bob. All right, James. All right. All right. Cameraman. Make sure you get it. Put my James on. Green shirt there. Good. Okay. Okay. Well, you know, I just landed from San Francisco and I got my buddy here, Bob. I haven't seen Bob in a long time. So I tell me, Bob, what's new, New York, New Jersey, New Mexico, New Melford. Wow. Really? Yes. Hey, Bob, where'd you use the word? Where are you from? Oh, I used to live in held in New Jersey. Oh, okay. So you don't live there no more? No, I don't. How come? I was getting too expensive. Oh, okay. So where are you living now? I live in West Milford in a garbage can. Garbage can? Yes, a garbage can. Okay. How do you get your food? From the ground. From the ground, man? Yes. You must have a lot of dogs coming and slipping, huh? Oh, dogs love me. Well, how about the cats? So, so. What do you do? Do you fight over the food with them? Because you're in a garbage can, you know? No, but I like dogs and the dogs like me. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, you know, undercover Bob, he's not a catty. He's not a catty like the women in the office, you know? So, you know, he's not going to have any, he's going to have problems with the cats because he ain't catty. Yeah, that's another guy over there. We don't know who he is, right, Bob? No. Who the heck is that guy? Nope. Oh, okay. Don't worry about it. I just came to watch the program. Oh, so Bob, how can we get in contact with you, you know? Me? Yeah, how can we get in contact with you? Oh, you can get in contact with me by landline phone. Landline? Why is it called landline? Because the lines are laid over the land. Oh, okay. Hey, Bob, you know what? How do you know that? Since I haven't seen you, you know where I ran into last week? Who? Harry Good. You remember Harry Good? Yes, he was good. He was? He used to go to parties, right? Yeah, he used to go to Harry Good's parties. Oh, wow. And he was good for like, uh, masquerade parties with the mask because you got your mask on. You like wearing like special masks, right? Right. Okay. So what happened, you know? Yeah, Harry Good used to tell me, you know, he used to like the thing he had to hear over the eyes. What used to happen when he did the hair over the eyes? Oh, when I see a man with hair over the eyes, it starts to rise. And when I see a man with a hat over the eyes, the same rule applies. Oh, okay. So when you've seen somebody, okay, where you said, hear over the eyes. Yeah. Okay. What else would you say? I would say, if I see a man on a mask, don't ask. Really? Yes. Okay. So if I did hear over the eyes, okay. And I start dancing. What do you think, Bob? Yeah, that's great. But that's not hair over the eyes. That's hat over the eyes. Oh, okay. So if I go like this, I don't know if you could put hair over your eyes. We'll try. Supposedly that cuts the cake. That cuts the cake. Yeah, you like that, Bob? Yeah, it cuts the cake. What's that supposed to mean? Cuts the cake. To cut the cake means to enjoy or have fun wearing or seeing other people wear masks and costumes. Hey, undercover, Bob, does this mean you like hairy women? No, sorry. You know, like even if she has a hot-looking face, if she's got hair in her forearms or sideburns or a light mustache or a big bush, a big cubic-caired bush that you can call a landscaper and you can have it mowed, you won't fool around with a chick like that. No. How come, Bob? Because I'm not a girl guy. You're not a girl guy? Then what are you? I'm a girl guy. I'm just a guy. You're just a guy? Yeah. Girl a guy? No, just a guy. Girl a guy? No. Why not? Because I'm not the girl type. You're not the girl type? No, I'm not the girl type. What are you doing? I'll hurt your nicks in there? No. Well, yeah, you just hurt your nicks in there. Hey, hey, Bobby boy, if you were a caveman, it's relative. Then you would like hairy women because the cave women is hairy, right? I guess so. Hey, then you just hurt your nicks. Let's do that sign again. Yeah. Could you imitate it? No. These are quotation marks. You mean, I am not a crook. You thinking you don't? Try it. I'm Richard Nixon. Yeah, man. Okay. I am not a crook. That's not bad, Bob. Hey, Bob, what do you wear on sunglasses? So no one sees my brown eyes. Whoa. Oh, yeah, yeah. Speaking of eyes, you really like people's eyes, right? Yeah, I'm the eye guy. You're the eye guy, huh? Yes. What color eyes I got? You have green eyes. Green eyes, like the jacket. Yep. Okay, right. Yes, leprechauns would appreciate that. Hey, there's a leprechaun out there. Bob, you hear him? I hear him. What are you going to do about it? Check to see if he has green eyes. Oh, okay. I know that cheap person wants me part of gold, but he'll never get it. He'll never get me part of gold. Maybe the lucky charms in his pants alone is, but he's going to get no part of gold. Hey. Well, who else you know then? You know, Rocco. Remember Rocco? Yes, sir. What color eyes he got? Rocco has doe eyes. Dough. Dough. What is it called? Dough. What is your pizzeria? Dough eyes are grayish-green eyes. Wow. Hey, there ain't no doe eyes. Hey, if I get pizza and I see grayish-green dough, where's my pizza pie? I'm not eating it. He's not eating it, Bob. No. Bob, who is that guy over there talking? You know that guy? Nope. Don't worry about it. I'm a stranger. I heard you're doing a show and I decided to come in. Wow. I don't know, man. Do you think maybe he's got to come in front of the camera, Bob? I would say so. Yeah, huh? No. My name is... My name is... I'm a chef. A chef? Yeah. My name is... You don't even know his name, Bob. You know, I have a little Magnesia here for a second. Hold on. Oh, come on, man. Take a pill. My name is... Take a pill. Oh. Oh. My name is Chef Dick Cummins. Wow. What a name. I'm Bob. Yes. Yeah. Sure, Cummins. Yeah. He's brother Shorty. You know Shorty? No, I don't know Shorty. You didn't run into Shorty last week? Nope. Who'd you run into? That's a very good question. Wow. You don't even know Bob. Like, where are your friends? I mean, you still hang out with your friends? Don't have any to hang out with. Really? No. Wow. So what are you doing in West Milford now? Just living there. Yeah. Where? At the garbage can, right? Right. What kind of food did you have the other night? Slim gems. Slim gems? At the garbage can? Yes. Yeah. And then people are cheap, huh? They don't give you, you know, like a chef for your day, like raviolis with meatballs. Hey, wait a minute. Excuse me, guys. My cousin is here. From Palermo, Sicily. He's also a chef. His name is Chef Carl E. Murray. Hold on. Hey, Carl. Come here. Listen to the crap this guy's eating. All right. Let me tell you something. What the hell's the matter for you? Why do you eat at this crap at this slimmer gym? What do you eat out of a garbage can for? That's not a real food. You have to eat a real food. It's not difficult to cook. These American women complain about the cooking all the time. It is very easy to cook. You know, you've got to put everything on a low flame. These are people here. These American women, they put everything on a higher flame and they walk away and they get on the damn telephone and they burn the food. Hey, Chef, let me ask you a question. Yeah, it's a Carl E. Murray. Mr. Murray. Okay, Mr. Murray. I see you sitting here. Why do you scratch a lot? What do you got, fleas? No, no fleas. When I get enthusiastic and excited, I itch. Oh, yeah? You know what I think it is? What do you think it is? I think you know Bob. You hang out with Bob in his garbage can. You mean you think it might be a fleas? Yeah, man. And maybe a tix and maybe the... Oh, God forbid he has a Crab-a-lice. Oh, man. Crab-a-lice. Crab-a-lice. Hey, you know, Bob, you've got to start eating better. Hey, let me tell you something. I want to cover Bob. I noticed in the New Jersey, you fucking know, food pantries. You've got a New Jersey. What a crap that they got in the food pantries. You cannot select what you want to eat. You've got to take on what they're giving you. You know, they wrap it in the package, and whatever's in the package, you have to accept it. I don't think that's fair. Who the heck wants a craft of macaroni and cheese in a box? Bob, you know that, right? Because you get that out of your box. You don't want no shit. I know. You like it? No. Why? Because it tastes like, you know, what? It tastes like a shrooms. All right. So Bob, what does it taste like? It tastes like... What does it taste like? Say it. Tell it like it is. What does it taste like? What the heck is that? What the hell is that? Yeah, what's that? What's that? Is that the sound when you take a dump? Yes. We've done you something. Life fiber. I got it cold here, Bob. You know what I'm trying to say here, Bobby Boyd? Yeah. All right. So Bob, where are you heading off to now? Question. Good question, man. Yeah. Wait a minute. If you live in a garbage can, right? Yeah. Well, then how far do you go within the distance of you living in a garbage can? 90 minutes. 90 minutes? How do you get there? By car. Wait a minute. You live in a garbage can and you've got a car? Yes. Really? How does that happen if you live in a garbage can? With undercover, Bob, anything could happen. Yeah. You see? You see? Now it's coming out with Bob, man. You know, you know, the undercover, the Bobby here. He has a, I think he has a Google profile page. I think I saw it. I think you're right. I think I saw him. So you people, you fans out of there that like this, this guy that goes, ee-ah! Undercover, Bobby. You can find him on the internet and say hello to him. Undercover, Bob. You know, like I said before, I eat the proper diet. All the high fiber, organic and non-GMO food. My streums are so big. When I take a dump, I have to use the plunger every time I take a dump because it comes out like a log. You know, it looks like a torpedo sticking out of the water. You got to eat better, you Americans. And you especially undercover, Bob. He did the slim gym and out of the garbage you can. That's got to stop. You got to use, you got to think about your health. Yeah, you hear that, Bob? Yes. You got to think about your health, man. So, Bob, what do you think about this? You like this, Bob? I love half over the eyes. Wow! What happens like this, Bob? When I see half over the eyes, it starts to rise. And when I see hair over the eyes, the same rule applies. Anything else you got to tell me? When I see a man in a mask, don't ask. Yeah, let me tell you something. I know this guy likes hair. He's bugging. He's bugging. He's got to interrupt you, right? Oh, wow. What are you going to tell him? What can I tell him? Well, it's all up to him. Well, we're both half Italian. Oh, okay, wow. Well, I apologize. I didn't mean to interrupt you. I don't want to be known as a heckler, but I get the feeling, if you're so preoccupied with body hair, I thought maybe you're like a hairy women, but I guess I'm wrong. Hey, Bob. I'll tell you something, Bob. Them Italian guys, they really could talk, huh? Yeah. Are you a big talker? Not really, because my other half is German. Ah, why? What's that deal with you being German? Oh, German? Yeah. Germans do things exactly right. They make things exactly the way they're supposed to be. Yeah, so what do they make? They make their bed? They make what? Their bed? Yes, they make their bed. Yeah, what else do they make? Cuckoo clocks. Cuckoo clocks? Anything else, man? Don't they make German luggers and German cars? They do. But what they're best at is making shame masks. What the heck is that? Shame masks in medieval Europe. If you committed a minor crime, they'd lock an iron mask around your head for a couple of days. Ah, really? Yes. Oh, thinking about that. Remember what you said with the stocks? What happens when they put them in the stocks? They tickle the feet. Tickle the feet? How do they do that? Either with fingers or a feather. You like that when they tickle the feet? I guess so. How come? I just do. They don't make no noises or anything? Well, they laugh. Yeah, how do they laugh? I guess... What the heck is that? What the hell kind of laugh is that? My laugh. That you laugh? Yes. Wow. Yeah, Germans have the best scientists in the world. You know what I mean? That's true. Yeah, they are. They're advanced. They're advanced? You see that? Speaking of Germans, we're going to have a very special visitor right here. Oh, yeah? Who's that? All the way from Germany, it's going to be the one and only Krampus. He's on holiday because he only works during the Christmas season, the pagan Christmas season. But he's going to be a very surprised guest right here. Oh, wow. You know, Bob, hanging out with you, I'm starting to scratch. When was the last time you took a shower, man? The other hour. The other hour? Yeah. How about deodorant? Use deodorant? Yeah. What kind do you use? Let's see. I guess cyanide. Cyanide? Cyanide on you and somebody freaking lights a match. You know what's going to happen to you? I'm going to end up in the graveyard. Oh, okay. You don't want to do that, right? No. Hey, anybody ever come by your garbage can and just like see you in there and just roll like a match in there? What would happen if that happened? Don't ask. What would happen if that happened? You know, they lit your garbage can on fire. Then I guess that would be the end of me. Yeah, huh? So if that's the end of you, then what happens after that? What happens after that? Yeah. Then it's all done. Don't ask. Could you imagine? Hey, it was a little quick with that answer on video. Hey, could you imagine this guy's a pain, Bob? Could you imagine if he forwarded after eating all those slim gyms when they threw the match in? Oh man, come on man. You get constipated, right? Right? I would say so. You ever get back up? A little bit. Oh, would you back up? My car. Car? Yeah. What kind of car you got? Uh, Chevrolet. Wow, what year is it? 2009. Wow, 2009. So you do get around, huh Bob? Yes, I do. I think you're a fake man. I don't think you live in a garbage can. I think you live in a mansion. You do? Yeah. Yeah. Come on man, you got a car. You're on the cover. Are you sure you don't work like for the CIA or the FBI or something? No. What's the FBI's stand-up for? FBI. Let's see. Fascist, baloney, international. What does that mean? Fascist, baloney, international. That means they're a fascistic organization for the baloney. Oh, hell yeah. No, the CIA. CIA, let's see. They see with their eye and they say, Ed. What are you thinking? Wow, come on. What are you thinking? The Fonzie? You think the Fonzie runs with the CIA? Hey, here comes this guy again. You know what? You know why I think he lies about the garbage can of where he lives? He's a cheap abastard. He lives in a mansion. He lives in a mansion. That's what I said. How does everybody live in a garbage can? Yeah, man. So Bob, you like them other guys out there? Even them talks, your old host and them people that try to like give you advice to be positive. You know what I mean? Positive influence around TV. You're like them guys. I am. Yeah, do you know that? No, I didn't know. Don't you think it's time to give people back their money that you robbed from them? What did I rob? The only thing about me that robs is my name. That's right. He's undercover Bob. Hey, Bob, you know what? I don't want to really just... But I gotta take your glasses off right now. You don't mind, do you? I'll beat sense of look y'all. Oh, man. Wait a minute. Hey, man, what's up with that? What's up with that? What do you have that glued on your face? Yeah, it's probably German glue. German glue? All right. Let me try it, okay? You don't mind, do you? No. Sure? Take them off. You sure? Yes. You sure now? Yes. You ready? Yeah. Okay. Sure? Yes. Right? Yeah. Right? Yeah. Okay. I guess that was Italian glue after all. All right. Excuse me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Calm down, Bob. Tell this guy enough with his chefs. Is it my cousin, his chef of Salvatore and Manila? Chef Salmonella from the United States. But he's Italian American. You know, he's got a chef named macaroni. The chef of Salmonella. He's Italian American. He's Italian American. He's Italian American. He's Italian American. He's got fleas. He's Italian American. Hey, Salmonella, welcome. Hey, buddy. I haven't seen you in a long time. I would say. Hey. Hey. How you doing there? I'm Chef Salmonella. Hello, man. And I'm undercover Bob. I'm Chef Salmonella. I'm from the Lord Island of Jersey. And let me tell you something. What are you doing over there with that? I like that court justice hat. So do I. Black and orange. Very, very Halloween-ish. I know. All right. So you like that, huh? Very Halloween-ish. Okay. You know what? You asked this guy so many questions. We're going to ask you where you're a chef, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Okay. So where's your place? My, my place. It's, uh, it's in. Next to Bob. He lives in the garbage. Can I be right next door? No, my place. Let me tell you something, your wife's guy. I live upstairs from my, from my restaurant. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, Bob, he looks like one of them guys that smoked American cigars, man. You know, like from courageous cat. You know what I mean? In the mouse, like froggy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. Crazy. Oh, froggy. Yeah, let me. You mean the guy that talks like this? Hey, let me show you something on the cover, Bob. Let me. What the hell are you doing over there? Wow. What are you doing? Let me tell you something. It's froggy, Shane. This is froggy. I don't take no crap from anybody. Bob, he's not froggy. Hey, Bob, do you know where that voice came from? I have no idea. Oh, is that where D. Robinson? Yeah. Yeah, you had the big cigars and everything. Yeah. Did you like courageous cat in the mouse? Sort of. Yeah. What did you like about courageous cat in the mouse? I guess it was a pretty good cartoon. Yeah, but I mean, what did they have their tricks up in that bag? They did. Oh, similar to Felix. Oh, you like Felix the cat? Yeah. What did you like about him? Felix the cat? Yeah. Because his shows were usually interesting and scientific. Oh, so you like that stuff. Yeah. You know what, Bob? I think it's getting kind of late. You know, I got it like, yeah, I got to move on. And this guy over here and his brother's the chefs. No, Krampus just arrived. Oh, well Krampus, whoever the heck that guy is, Bob, you know what Krampus is? I guess so. Who is he? The anti Santa Claus. Anti Santa Claus, Krampus, ain't he? He's crimping it, you know what? Hey, let me tell you who Krampus is. He's going to tell you. Krampus is a legend from Jeremy. Krampus, his job is to kidnap all the bad children and torture them. The kids that have been bad. And believe me, the United States has got loads of them and he can't wait to talk. I think you got a load in your pants there, pal. So that means there's a lot of Krampus in the United States. Yeah, man. They're all cramped in, Bob. Kramp, Kramp, Kramp. Okay. Yeah. Who's Kramp? Kramp? Yeah. Maybe it's like Kramp. How about Kramp? How about Stamp? Oh, that cuts the cake. Oh, look at this guy, man. I think he likes to ramp all those hairy chicks. All right, Bob. You know what? I got to move on, okay? This guy's coming my way. You know, I really don't like this guy. So you want to talk to him? Okay. All right. Here he comes. All right. See you later, alligator. Goodbye. All right. Yeah, yeah. Hi, Krampus. Yeah. How are you? How are you doing? Very good. I am Krampus from Germany, and I would like to say that I never... This is a corner copier of the lights in the United States. There are so many rotten children here. It's unbelievable, Mr. Undercover Bob. You know, I'm a legend from Germany. I'm Deutschland. Yes, I kidnapped all the bad children. All the bad children. I tortured them. I love to torture the bad children. The little spoiled bastards. In the United States, they were all spoiled, the cuddle bastards. Let me tell you something. Yeah, let me tell you something. All these kids, the young American parents, they do not apply all the fashion discipline to these kids. They cuddle them. They cuddle them. They spoil them. They're afraid to say no to them. That's why, yeah, you have all these monsters. Yes, you have all these monsters running around disobedient. They take tantrums when the parents go out. They can't have one moment's peace. They take tantrums in public. They take their toys. They play on the floor so people can slip on them and get hurt themselves. They tap you in the restaurant. They tap you on the shoulder all the time. They keep on saying, hi, hello, hi, hello. And they torment people. They bother strangers. Let me tell you something. Your children is your problems. Your circus, your monkeys, your problems. It is not other people's problems that don't have children. It reminds me of the stupid sign they used to sell baby on board, which means everybody on the road has to drive differently because you have a baby. Are you honest, what, Snager? Well, we're from the same region, just more or less. And then they, yeah, they spoil them rather. And then, you know, it's just, they take tantrums. They get their way. They cry. The mother runs in their right of way. Causes them. It just nonstop. Everything is about them. And then if the mother is not with the father anymore, and she has a boyfriend, the fucking kids don't want to go to sleep. They stay up late. And the mother don't put them to bed because the single mother don't spank. They do not apply all fashion, corporal punishment, you know, to these rotten little monsters. And the poor guy waits and waits, and he don't get laid. He don't get laid. He's there waiting. And his balls are getting blue and bluer and bluer. And then the kids don't go to bed. And then when the kids are finally going to bed, then the mother says, oh, I'm too tired for any sex. I'm too tired. The kid is a cock-a-blocked guy. Yeah, he cock-blocks the guy. And you know what? And for Christmas, are you okay to me? The children of the past used to be happy with simple toys. Yeah, now they want expensive, expensive high-tech electronic toys. And the poor father has to go in debt with his credit cards, which is credit cards. He has to go in debt. And it's unbelievable the amount of spoiled cars with children. Hey, Bob, this guy never shuts up. Bob, what's up with that? You're asking me. Oh, man, don't you give this guy the private Bob to talk here? All right, go ahead. Yeah, Krampus. One thing I can say about Krampus is he sure cuts the cake. That's one thing he does well, is cut cake. I don't know about cake, but I've been using this lovely moisturizer. My face, how does my complexion with you? Good. Thank you. Thank you. Your friend is not too crazy about Krampus, the greatest, the true superstar of the universe. And the true representative of your pagan Christmas, and that obese, a Christy-looking guy with white hair, the Santa Claus. He's another ass kisser that kisses the asses of all the children. I wouldn't give him. I would give them petrified shit in the Christmas stocking because not too many children deserve to get nice presents, especially in the United States. Yeah. Hey, undercover Bob, you know what I think? What does he deserve in his mouth? Teeth. Teeth. He's got teeth, man. Don't you think he deserves a bar of soap in his mouth to clean up that mouth? Yeah, this came to create friends of yours. He don't like to hear the truth. Yeah, Krampus is hitting a raw nerve with this. This can create. You know, people don't like to hear the realities, the realities of what's going on in today's society. He's running out, Bob. No, no. Krampus never runs out because I have supernatural powers. Yeah. Okay. Queer. And your genes? Well, actually, there too. I have a very big, a knock-a-verse. Krampus has a very good knock-verse. Man, this guy stinks, Bob. He's good enough. Wow, man. I would like to say hello. What do you think, Bob? I would like to say... Oh. No, never mind. Never mind. I don't want to say hello to everybody. I have no... Oh! I would like to say hello to the person I am endorsing, Krampus is endorsing Bernie Sanders for president. Yay! Bernie Sanders. Yes, I feel the burn. I always feel the burn. Naturally, you see my face. It's so red. But this time, I really feel the burn for the Bernie Sanders. Feel the burn, 2016 for the Sanders. Oh, you like him too? Yeah, I'll take him any time over any other publication. Yeah, he's there. You know what? I'm talking about Hillary Clinton, Bob. That witch? Hillary Clinton is basically a Republican disguised as a Democrat. Wow, like you're disguised, Bob? I like this undercover, Bob. He's very intelligent. You must be a partially German. You're right. I think he is. He's very smart. He's a very smart guy. You're very smart. I would say so. You're very smart. Yes. Did I say that already? Yeah, he's very nice. This guy notices every fucking thing I do. That's it, man. He's very smart. You like German food? Some of it. You like sauer-brotten? Oh, during Christmas, during the Christmas there, we make something called Stolen for dessert. Where was it stolen from? What the fuck? I know where it was stolen from. All right. I mean, all right. What the hell is that? It sounds like a flock of Canadian geese flying overhead. Hey, here they come in formation. Oh, they're flying in the perfect D-shaped. They go, oh, they're going by. I'm like, no, what was I saying before? I had to laugh. I don't know. You forgot your skit. No, no skit. I talked from the heart, from the heart, down to my pectorals. You got the skit and you're into where it was. Us Germans are in great shape. What was I saying before about the, oh, the stolen, the stolen. You asked me where it was stolen from. It is a very heavy dessert made with lots of butter and maybe lots of eggs, too. I mean, eggs to see when I eat the stolen. It gives you gas, man. Exactly. What else do you use the gas for? Well, you know, the methane gas could be used. You know, the pig farming. No pig is a safe in Germany. No pig is a safe. And the crap, you can make methane gas from the pig shit because there's so much, so many tons of pig shit. Bob, what do you use gas for? Gas for my car. Oh, see. Oh, so you don't live in the garbage can. He has a car. Yeah. Maybe that's why he can have a car. Yeah. Why? He's on the camera, Bob, man. Well, look at the look of the day. He could be a detective like one of the big traces people. You know, hey, Hillary Clinton doesn't need a car. She has a broomstick. How's that goosey, guys? And that witcher quarter, that other witch that works with her, head of the DNC, the Deborah O'Wasser Kant shits. Who's that? She's head of the DNC. Yeah. She's head of the DNC. She's handing all these super delegates over to Hillary. She's cheating. She's cheating on my Bernie Sanders. Well, we got to lock Hillary and the Hillary. Let me tell you. The Hillary, the Hillary with that alcoholic W.C. Fields, a bulbous, a red nose. They look like a Rudolph, a red nose and reindeer. He went into four different polling areas to cause a scene in public, so people did not go and vote for the Bernie Sanders. He visited four different polling areas. But I don't want to get too much into it, man. Well, I can easily say it like this. It's easier to find the needle in a haystack than it is to find good government in the United States. You're right. So what was he pulling from? Is he from Poland? That was in Poland. No, he's not from Poland. He's from Little Cock, Arkansas. Oh, Little Rock? Little Rock. Why does he call it Little Rock? I mean, they have small balls. That's why people have small balls and small testicles in the Arkansas. That's a perfect number. I guess so. Krampus seduces. Krampus is more seductive than the Don Juan or the Casanova guy. Who's Don Juan? That's undercover Bob. That's undercover Bob. So Bob, you're Don Juan, huh? No, I'm not. Maybe he's a Don Schwung. Good government. He's a German. He's everything. Yeah, whatever. Hey, Bob, could you do Mechanical Man? Show the audience Mechanical Man. Can you do Mechanical Man? I'll try. Don't do it all the way over there. Come on. No, no, no. All right, come on. Bob, move that mind. Come on, do that mind. Mind. Mind? Oh, no. You're minding. Is it pronounced a mind or is it pronounced a mind or me? Yeah, it's lifted weights. Hey, Krampus, speaking of weights, your body builds there, huh? Your body builds? Well, I do straight training. Straight training. That's the best I can. You know, I do it. You know, Krampus is a, you know. How many push-ups could you do? How many push-ups can I do? Push-ups. I do my push-ups very strict form. Okay, so how many could you do? I don't count numbers. I do, I go slow. Well, you know what? I go slow. Okay, so you know what? Let's just say you do, what, 300, 400? No, no, I don't do fast cheating push-ups. No, no, I understand that. But you, could you do like 300? No, no, no, no, no. I use a shenna. I use a shenna board from La Persia. Okay, so let's say you do 300. You know what 300 is? What? You could do 300 push-ups, you say, okay? All right. All right. All right. So you say you could do 300 push-ups. You know what, Krampus? What? I think the only thing you can push-up is yourself at a bed. Yee! Look at the wise guy over here. This can't create. The only thing he creates is a sticky sock from his feet. Wow, man. That's bad. You know, let me tell you something. I do the old school training. You know, the Americans have the oldest high-tech stuff. I do old school. But anyway, I just want to say that you know, that that's not the only scam with taking Christmas. Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. I got to get back to you working out, man. Yes. All right. You bench press, right? You good bench pressing? I don't do conventional exercise. Ah, this guy. Okay, so let's just say. I swing the Persian ball. Okay, so you're in America and you bench press a 250. All right. Let's say 250. You bench press 250. You know what, Derek Rampus? What? I got to tell you something. The only thing you can press is your pants. He's good. I got to give him credit, the little bastard, the little troll. He's good. He's good. How do you think, Bob? Well, don't forget. I'm half German, half Italian. What do you call a person who's half German and half Italian? Well, a person who talks too much, half 50%. No, a mess. A mess. That's a good one. What is this crap with the American women? They want equality when it comes to making money. But when it comes to socializing, they want the man to do everything and pay for everything. They're like a dinner horse, a dinner and drink horse. They want the guy to buy expensive dinner, expensive drink. And he's lucky. He's lucky. Maybe he got a kiss on the cheek. And that's it. And then she does it to another guy and another guy and another guy. It takes all his money. It takes all his money, but the girls want to be equal. They want to make equal money, but they don't want to be equal. Across the board, the feminists. What do you think about that, Bob? Bob, if you want equality, it must be across the board. The board. I mean the board. Does that easy kind of thing? Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Get it crepus. I think you better close that window, man. Them pieces are coplying around, man. I think they are. They might shit on us. Ew, Bob. What do you think they do? Then we'll be birdheaded. Oh, birdheaded. Wow. Hey, Bob. Hey, Bob, you remember the... But anyway, that's true. You cannot have even though you may cut the cake you cannot have your cake and eat it and these women want to take and eat it And they don't want to pay for their half of the day You know if you're going to pay they get the man should get the uh Should get the return on his investment. Yeah should get return on his investment No, he's not versed he's not versed should should get polished he should get a polished not versed well Even with me. I can't have my cake and cut it too most of the time. Yeah But this time it's an exception. But usually That's the other way. Hey grandpa. Is you pretty good boy? Jokes there No, I can't eat me. I'm I'm actually most of the time, but I have a sense of you see that Well, you know why I'm selling bob the other day My uh, one of my friends wife had a baby. Oh, yeah, he had a baby girl Oh, I give him my I give send my condolences. Do you know what they named the baby girl? They should name her Polly ester Polly ester is the best name for a girl Polly ester. No, they not no they named her Molly Melancholy, you know why they named their melancholy because she has a head like a melon. Yeah Yeah, and and she has an ass like a mullet flower. No Yeah, yeah, that was a good one Like a melon a face like a collie Oh, so I was close. I was close. Yeah, man That's like a pretty good joke or should be a face like a collie flower and ass like a melon. No, man You're blowing that that was like my one liner, man. I have my one minute of failure. Well, you know what? I think crampus Is I think you're a cramp. That's why you're called crampus is harem of girls Flaw lines. I could smell the sour broth and it's a bratwurst and the sauerkraut right now I have to go I'm getting hungry. So I will bring give the show back to uh, this can create the guy and you Get this guy out of here, Bob. Say goodbye to that guy. I have to go bye. All right I'll beat this away sweep him away. I'll beat this thing. All right. I'll beat her saying I'll beat her saying I have my coffee break. What'd you think? Bob? What'd you think of that guy crampus? He's a cramp and you don't know what? What's he a cramp? Hey, Bob? Yep, you got that right. Yeah Yes, all right, Bob, you know it's like it's getting kind of late here. Whoa. Hey, Bob, man. Whoa Yeah, man, look at that mask you got on. Yeah, don't ask. Wow All right, you know what, Bob I think it's about time we can Wrap it up because it's getting kind of late here. You know what I mean? I'll say you gotta go back to your garbage can You got it. All right. So a a undercover Bob or mass Bob or whatever your name is. Uh, could you say goodbye? Goodbye. All right. Sayonara. Take it easy, Bobby