 and start shooting up the front desk aaaarggggggggggggggggggggggggg a nerve kind of quote What do you think this is? A miracle or something? Who's better at making sounds? A French cookaburra What the fuck was that? Quit your clapping Thank you for listening to me man Welcome to episode number 23 24 24 skin 23 comes out today. No way, bro. That's almost 25 So we've booked in the location for the finale. Have we have it? Yeah, I think it's booked in we just need us now. We need to get on to so within the next month. Maybe let's start doing that Welcome to episode number 23 the mighty Michael fully actual podcast We're coming you live out of Brisbane right in Mrs. Matthews bedroom and we were coming at you today. We got fucking full jam-packed episode We got a like a shitty to find a funny shit last weekend on the weekend We got a Matt verse Michael a hectic crazy one We've got tender adventures and we got a fucking hectic crazy arse mother fucking wild fucking prank Call it the end your big dick and the lie we'll chuck a lie in there for you to make sure you'd be nice I'm always nice to you fucking cunt Shit, um, maybe I've sworn too much. Yeah, I'm not again if you're not Come on now. We've been getting demonetized age restricted. Oh, yeah age restricted everything's demonetized But we got three age restrictions in a row So we've teed up a conversation with someone from Google and we're gonna find out why they've been age Restricted. Okay, so just bear with us. All right, we're fucking working on it And in the meantime, you might have to search and like go to our channel and to watch them because fuck man They won't show up for you no more What's that thing that people do where they put the notifications on yeah, yeah The notifications on yeah, but even even age restricted. I don't think that works Yeah, I'm with and you have to sign in you have to be signed into YouTube like it's all just fucked man I'm signed in and I'm and I'm Subscribed to it and I still don't get any notification Yeah, if it's a little little thing up in the when you look at all your subscriptions on a mobile phone There's a little dot there that's yeah age restricted is not good So we need to figure out why the fuck that's happening. But anyway, that's our problem and we'll figure it out When they're not age restricted things are going fucking the last one was Paul these episode that wasn't age restricted It's going real well. Yeah, that one did if I climb I Have a question Matt. Oh Michael. I remind me. I gotta remind you you have to ask me a question Yeah, that's this question that I'm about to ask you this question is now we have no we've got an opportunity for you and Would you be open to? Doing the show Farmer wants a wife No, you would not do that. I don't have a farmer What do you fucking call this? No, you go on as one of the people trying to you are the fun win the affections of the farmer farmers So a contestant. No, they're like country girls. Um, yeah, no please Please Older paper work for you. Yeah, if you win the comp you get like a hundred K Yeah, I'm just gonna put it out there one. I'm probably not gonna win that because it's Glass half empty I'm just putting you down nicely and You're putting you down nicely you putting you down nicely bro browning down. I only want to lift the brown up into the ceiling fan You're doubting brown and it's also if I had to choose a dating show that one would probably not be which one would it be then huh? I know I was just trying to run through my head because I hate all those shows. I can't think you're gone Matt, would you go on survival? I'd go survive I'd love to see Matt on maths. Oh my god Do see maths I'd say if it's really the way it is which it isn't we all know it's edited but it's yeah I'd just be I'll be fucking gone off guys leaving the comments what reality TV show you want to see the brown on Whichever one gets the most likes Enter him into whether he knows about it or not Brown Can you be serious about this? Can we actually seriously enter you into married at first sight? Oh, no, that's that's where That's where people go to have sex yeah, Brown. It would be so good We could promote you we you win your way out. You'd win because you find love. You don't really vote though. Yeah, it's more of a Anyway, I reckon he'd be he'd be like edited. It's like this the bad I'd be there. I'll probably be the first person to punch someone on the show. Does that happen? Yeah, would you go on connect? Oh, yeah, it was in the news everyone went to jail everyone I want to see you on a reality TV show more than anything Well, like the mole you'd love to go in the mole. I don't know what that is. Okay. What about like wasn't Scott McChrystal on a one? Yeah, yeah, he was on Yeah, I forget what it's called But he got out first episode which likes but he even said they're trying to like Edit him as like this fucking bad boy Stereotype he's not he's just a good-looking nice guy. He's a very nice guy He is who we will be lying to in the lying segment later Fuck no, it's gone. By the way, so our Spotify is we're up to 2.4 K 5-star reviews We jumped a bit and Spotify there are no issues. There's no restrictions and shit So if you want to support us on Spotify give us a five-star review there because we're looking at getting the video and put on Spotify soon To so soon you'll be able to see this on Spotify and then you know when when all that happens We can just give the middle finger to YouTube not really we would never ever do that We would fuck them off and then we can just go on Spotify Yeah, well if they keep age restricting us that is the plan how close are we to having the videos actually on I'd say 48 hours What having the videos on Spotify? Oh a few weeks. I'd say we need to sign up to some some other thing But that yeah, we just need to figure out why we're getting age restricted once we figure that out We can solve it and then YouTube glory will be all of ours Especially you Matt and you can go in a wholesome with a loaded machine gun and start shooting up the front desk A nerf gun of course No, I'd be a nerf children's gun. Okay, that's not a real guy. That's crazy. What do you think this is a miracle or something? We live in fucking Australia you idiot if It does come to the put sorry wait, I'll let you talk. Oh, if it does come to the point that I do get to quit Like you will do that. What would I do? What amazing race? You'd be on amazing ways like that, but you wouldn't have a team. How do it by yourself? Oh, how are you? I reckon oil yourself up and slither in like a snake. You're completely naked and you slither in like a snake I think I'd wear this and you've got and you've got the words. Oh, I am fired Carved into your back with a sharp knife. Yeah. Yeah, just like lightly. So you're bleeding That's what I'm gonna. Should I get fired or should I quit? No, you say you're fired both. I'm fired You fire yourself you guys have never had a door you tell your boss that he's quit You walk up to your boss you quit and I'm fired you're quit Oh Anyway, fuck we had a fucking wild ass Weekend and fucking last week was fucking fun. Wasn't it? We we fucking went we had a little camping trip So it was like 11 of us. It was bloody beautiful. Matt couldn't come knee sore but we went to a Property and camped there and man we there was some fun shenanigans to Fall nights have just fucking fun shenanigans Jackson lock you were there one night where there was a really hectic Website video that we won't really yeah, we won't describe what happened yet cracker milks heavily involved It's like kind of like a sketch and then ends kind of like a Bit of pain but not much pain. Oh, there was a fair bit of I know but like I feel like the wounds and shit weren't bad enough. But yeah, the potato cannon was used But yeah, but yeah, it starts out as a really it's like a love story within a really gruesome act of crime Yeah, it's like one of the most horrific things you can do apart from murder. Yeah, I could really I'm looking forward to seeing it and also Matt Brown it's sexual. He has something to tell us about seeing mission impossible three You saw that I haven't I haven't seen that yet, but I am fucking weekend shit Do you want me to well, no, we'll get to that we'll get to let's let man Do you think in the movie? I didn't see It's a good movie. I didn't see mission impossible. Oh, look, we'll just look wow. He saw a whale Yeah, I went to Harvey Bay for my nephew's 10th birthday and we went while watching. Is it like is it worth it seeing a whale? Look, it's like it's a whale. They were real close to the boat So it was cool for it for a bit, but it goes for three hours. So it's like after one hour That's enough. Did you get CC? No, and then like you and then they Rock go somewhere else and wait for some more whales and then like you'll see like a splash like 200 meters away and I reckon It's like People go we're gonna go while watching and then everyone thinks of those videos where they pop on up right next to you But man, I did you see like a little bit of it You only see like one-tenth of the whale and one of them bit of weird one of them put its tail up and shit It was pretty look it was pretty cool initially, but then it's like hurry up. What sort of whale was it humpback? I reckon if someone said you can go see whales and it's three hours or you can go for a three hour run I'd rather choose it. I'd go for the run. Fuck that man getting on a boat Yeah, you can just go is it a slow boat that you're in here? No, it goes pretty quick But it's it's because you got to go pretty far out. Yeah, I still fuck that Yeah, it's I guess it was good for the fires with you guys. I'll be fun. No, I can't I've always very nice weekend I can do anything with you guys if we're all together. Yeah, we see man. I'd need bong after bong to enjoy a whale. Okay What happened on the weekend? Oh, fuck you again that fuck you in advance in advance fucking pig All right one my knees. I don't need I don't need surgery on my knee. Oh, man. Have we talked about that? We said I did my knee. I Taught my Matt might have needed surgery, which was not funny at all. It was very serious and no one no one thought That was funny. How many times did you laugh? What are you talking about? Yeah, I'm just saying sitting here saying yeah We did it was pretty funny that Matt went to the gym properly and then had fucking busted his knee I thought that I thought that was pretty funny But anyway, it's fine, but yeah, it's so it's still bad, but it's not if tornies Tornie style muscle no, I tore my lower cord Quadriceps So they're just ripped off now and then they reattach. I don't know. I don't think they Yeah, it wasn't a I don't think they ripped off. I think I just tore him. It was a great one tear Yeah, it was a great one tear And but then yeah me and my me and my sister went and saw often. Hi ma up on hi ma Oppenheim or often. Do you ever think when you're hanging out with people think you're together? Yes? I do think that we've actually had sex We've had people say oh Boyfriend want to go like do you know like people like say you and your husband or you and we've had I've had that moment before Do you correct them or just let it go No I can do way better than this Me bro, what would have this is my sister if during the movie you sort of did this one where Put your arm around it my sister's brutal should be like what the fuck are you doing and then you just turn on to give her a little wing Come on She'd beat me up. She's my big sister should beat me up. How much older she could she's like three years older than me Oh There you go. Well, so it was good good weekend then we're still hanging out crazy story I told mom about mama. Did I talk about how that burning of the blank? Told mom about that and man mom as memory of that is like so weird. She says it was 2 a.m. I was complete opposite side of the house She reckons something woke her up and just led her to my bedroom Like and then she just without even thinking had no idea why she was walking to my bedroom She just walked to my bedroom and then just as the blankets caught a flame and then like smothered it and fucking Crazy angel that day, man. That is in that house was like built in the 1800s. It was fucking old. Maybe it was an 1800s person anyway Tell us let's hear it man. Oh, is that was that was that your story? Yeah, you hung out with your sister at the movies and so mission impossible and you go home. I'm same thing Is it good? Yeah, it's a bit of a ball first. It's a real drama Getting old I reckon I didn't see mission impossible That I would have loved but it's a good movie, but man, it's a real drama says but yes I did happen to find something as I was leaving the cinema There was a guy set up in a little chaos and he had all these little nerd things around and I was like Oh, I wonder if he has any stickers and he had stickers. He had boxes and boxes of stickers So I was like sifting through them all and anyway, I really liked the movie Shazam and then I found like a Like an anime like drawing sticker of Shazam Yeah, you make me want to bring back you bring back bullying and I picked it up and I was to the guys like oh Shazam and he's like yeah, yeah, man We shazam'd at each other and so yeah, I got a little sticker So fuck is that I've never even heard Sam so it wasn't that that app and um We were tells you what songs playing. Yeah, but this is a movie and yeah, so yeah, I got a shazam sticker and I was super I like it. Yeah, there was no such thing as movies. Your life would be fucked He'd find I reckon it'd be a drug addict and movies is his rescue escape from reality But yeah, and as I walked off the guy was like, oh have a good day man. I went shazam anyway shazam. Oh My god, you don't tell people that yeah Anyway, I'm so sorry everyone. Let's move along And then she's gonna put a damner on the episode now. Yeah, I feel pregnant Shazam sponsors Hey everyone Here Marty and Michael with the only supplementation in the we take is a G1 Mmm, we have it every day and it's full of 75 vital nutrients and minerals mats drinking or right now every time we drink it We feel awake and refreshed and it really helps us with our overall health and gets us nutrition from foods That we wouldn't normally eat so Outsource that health and get yourself an age you won a subscription from Hg1.com slash full Marty fully actual So it's fully actual Link in the description and go to the link in the fucking description and get some fucking health in you and stuff fucking around Okay, you think I'm healthy and fun or nothing to worry about shut up Stop being a dumb Stupid prick you're gonna get sick soon in your 30s it starts so get it in some healthy habits now If I could do anything odd King hit 22 year old Marty I'd fucking hit 22 year old Marty as hard as I fucking could and I'd say what the fuck are you doing wake up wake up Fucking wake up. You fucking killing us And I'd make sure I sign up for a G1 and that's what I want you to do you King hit yourself Right now and wake up King hit yourself and go to a G1 Can you fucking can't do subscription every month they drop it off That's all get us age-restricted Kind of can you bleep this my cunt bed, please All right Let's move on can't let's fucking move on right now. You might be sitting there at home thinking the fuck Marty and Michael and Matt are so cool and they've got their lives in order on there just such legends And they're perfect and everything like that. Well fucking yeah But guess what? We were just a pair of dumb broke fucking drug-abusing Fuck wits for so long just pieces of fucking shit. I was pretty normal You've always been way under par to Matt Brown way under done Can't we were a bunch of loser fuck wits going out doing dumb shit thinking we were cool. We were fucking Stupid fucking God shut up fuck shut up can't and we'd fucking go through our lives And you know we're cool. We're cool cuz we're cuz when we mask our sadness with drugs Go to man skate There was a period where I used to put shit underneath the same cars handlebars, sorry Listen, I'm getting there. All right, and then one day One day we started we're doing what we loved and we've unlocked our potential and a part of that If you go back to our earlier videos is looking after yourself and making sure that you look the part Unlock your potential by going to manscape.com and use our discount code fully actual 20 for 20% off They got all kinds of shavers and male grooming shit that will turn you from a three two of five and That's important start. That's an important start if you were groomed well and then start exercising Can't you fucking change the world can't unlock your potential and get off the fucking sniff can't you have the opportunity? You've got it in you can't if we can sit here and be these Absolute legends that have the best lives and the hottest partners except for Matt then you can as well We're just nobody loser cunts and here we are where we're fucking pieces of shit There's nothing good about us not one fucking thing and look at the lives we have and you can do the same Anyone can just go to manscape shut up man. You fucking can't Fully actual 20 Fred 20% off fucks sake to add on yet It's also for women to add on to that. There was an experience where I used manscape the other day actually I used My friend had a long long nostril hair. You saw it. I was at the cafe. I remember I I had to rip it out with my fingers took me a while if I had a had the nose trimmer Guess why don't he rip it out? Why do you have to do cuz they can't he can't see run nose, baby boy, baby brown Try and look at your own nose right now, baby. There's no tears. I have to rip your nose right now, bro You can't do it. It's impossible, bro So if Elias I'm talking about you if you had a had the nose trimmer that wouldn't have had to happen You can look at your nose if you close one eye and then look down Everyone at home play along to try look at your nose the tip of it. You can't see the front of your nose. It's impossible You never ever see the front of your nose. Isn't that strange? You'll never ever actually see the front of your nose Yeah, sure, you can see it in a reflection in the mirror People never ever see the front of your nose and that's the only body part. Maybe your forehead to not can't see my forehead What about you? No, can't do it. Everyone try it home. Can't see the back of your knees. You can't see the end of your tongue Okay You probably can people with long tongues. Well, I guess if you ripped it out and snipped your nose off It's a mine. No the end of it the other end the other end Anyway, and of course our subscription website where we post weekly fucking banger videos that are just way too fucked for social media and just last week we we posted fucking The vomit take you're in that a bit man. Yeah. Yeah, believe it or not Goob, our editor. They were like ad breaks in that video and you're in those ad breaks. Oh Yeah, I mean in the ad breaks. Yeah, it's very good. It's very good. Can you show me so so we It's exactly what it sounds. We eat the ingredients of a cake Well, we Michael vomits them up into a bowl and we cook a cake and eat it If you just have a look it's a fucked up video that one. Yeah, sure 21-day free trial There's like 260 videos out there So just click on the link and have a fucking gays can't have a fucking scroll down can't have a fucking see what you want Can't see if you're fucking stay on your fucking little cunt also for women I just want to say and I know you already said this out there But the the uber video that you released this week was the funniest video. I've seen you do. That's what we've got to talk About too. Yeah, we've got a rich restriction on Facebook for some weird reason So we're not posting in them and we're holding back all that banger vids but we posted this video on YouTube and tiktok and Very good. It's us fucking with Michael had this twisted idea to just Like put all these babies from the front of the driveway leading to the house and Michael's all dressed weird and Then we'd order food and the uber drivers We're just so scared every time those doors swung open to reveal Michael sitting there The police was called and then the police cops came and we did it the same prank to the cops Anyway, it's on YouTube have a fucking gays Also for women also and extended that's on the website like massive extended when the police came to the house looking for the missing man they knew of Us of that prank that you did on the other two It might have been the same two people. No, it was it was different guys They said oh, yeah, some of our mates at the station have been talking about you guys I 15 minutes all right guys, it's time for Matt first Michael hit it brown Alright everyone it's 1310 Matt has mounted a comeback and he's 1310 or 1311 now 1310, I'm pretty sure okay. Is it this episode 24, right? Is it is this 24? Yeah, this is 24, but we've got it. We had one where we tied it. Yeah, so you added one so No, no, it's 1310. It's 1310. Yeah, cool. We can go through an atom later And this is a competition where Matt and Michael Compete for this here bottle of mints and they get to do with it. Whatever they want for the season finale It's it's very close. So it's anyone's game. It's kind of for the first to first to if you get to 20 you win So your seven wins away All right today's competition sniffle is Who's better at making sounds? So I will give you a scenario and you have to try and make the sound for that scenario Okay, well like walking I think she'll like that a bit more intricate than that, but yes exactly right man. All right Do you guys want to pay for this rock? So you guys first? I guess so we all get the same one. Yeah, you both get the same ones Rock Okay Is Michael on first man. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right. Are you sure you don't want to go first? I will give you the honor all right the first sound is What sound does a? Drowning baby Does that sound like it's pretty good. It's pretty good So that was fully underwater that one already. All right, man. Have a go Man, this is a close fuck sake. I should have James here for this. I'm gonna give that a one each I can't decide. Oh, that's one. Oh, that's a shame. I had more water. He was dry mouth fucking kissing You're a cat then. Yeah, there wasn't enough. There wasn't enough watering. Well, I don't even know How do you know what it's? That's not Yes breathing out underwater. No, you're trying to breathe you got no breath. All right boys You got to help me judge these sounds, okay? All right. They're very difficult to judge. All right So that we got the first one done. All right second sound boys So market goes first again, I guess is it they're cuff a can and do we rotate? Oh, do you look at Ryan's I think rotate each second. It's seriously All right, come all right, you have to go first this one man. Okay Freak a French cookaburra a French cookaburra. Can I have a look what a French cookaburra looks like a cookaburra? This is from France. Do they have cookaburras in France? No, he's got an accent from France Are these real things? I thought we're doing real things. Oh, yeah, this is a real I just I'm combining things and it's up to you Cuz I can do it come on with the sound Yeah, a cookaburra with a French accent that is the task at hand brown and so we're the French accent a French cookaburra Yeah, does that make no sense? Oh, yeah, I know I get you. I'll have for you Oh, yeah, I'm going Don't speak to me like that. Sorry Is that yours? No, no, no It's gonna be a starting point because if you can break character, then that's points deducted. I didn't break character I was just saying when you're about to start because that's when it starts. This is serious Oh, you're gonna be worried about that lead you got it. Hey, it's one on I should have won the last one you'd no water dry mouth brown. I disagree go Oh That's not bad Fuck fuck you. Okay. I'm about to start that's if I can Definitely Up to one. All right, Michael you made that Being very croissant, okay. Oh fuck how many more there is three more The sound a man would make while seeing his wife get mauled by pit bulls Oh It's easy for Michael because he's got someone that he loves Yeah, you do this about your sister I'm ready Just say when when when There's a very creative twist I'll give him that boys, what do you think who won that? I can't match that screen. Yeah. Yeah, that's very good. That's why I went the other way. All right So what's that? What's that's fucking to all the sound of a breast being cut off with blunt scissors? Was it me first? Yes, it's you first is so what is this? Yeah, it is Matt first, right? Yeah, it is Okay, yes, I've got this I've won this I used I used to be what Michael has actually done this before All right ready. I like the rhythm you could picture the You're ready. Let's suck it off Hey mine was full of milk. All right boys. Who do you reckon won that one? Fucking brown really wins that Fucking sharp scissor prick. All right. So what's that three two to Matt Michael you've got to win this? Oh my god Isn't that it? No Oh You chose Michael. Oh Fuck oh Wait, so you're choosing Matt. Yeah, I think I was gonna go that too Okay, look it's two one to Matt. I still have a chance at tying this and then there's a super tiebreaker All right, I feel like Michael will be good at these all I don't know you both might be all right Michael goes first the sound of an old man Falling to his death from a 50-story building over to you Jesus Christ Really That's the sound it was good, but and what what is he just having a conversation in the air enough? I feel like yours was like a 40s. Yeah in his 40s. He really just says that's fine age. Everyone's all Man Boys, what do you reckon? I think I'm gonna have to go Michael on that one To all All right the deciding the deciding sound which I haven't thought of because I thought five of me enough It's you itchy wig wig wig wig wig. This is just like a one sound thing This will really test you boys Matt's first there's an advantage with going first. I feel you there was me going first has been winning All right, Matt The sound of a shit slapping into a bucket of piss Is it a solid shit or is it a? diarrhea I'm gonna say solid shit Is it coming out of the arse or is it coming from a throw just the sound of a shit slapping into a bucket of piss Okay, it's like a really thick thick piss He said solid shit that's not about diarrhea and also it sounded like more like this shit Not the hitting of the piss into the bucket of them like that Yeah, I couldn't I couldn't do the What do you reckon boys We're both shit at making shit sounds So what do you reckon are you going Matt? Oh, man, it's on me. Oh, this is what you're going me. Oh, fuck Yes, it's one off a client is so tough because Michael it sound like someone's just shitting Michael It was the sound of the shit hitting the piss. Yeah, exactly. So I Think I'm gonna have to give it give it to Matt just because he he read the brief Shit, man, literally shit. So that's what 13 13 11 now It is I'm pretty I'm pretty sure I appreciate you both. You're only two behind now That's like we're back in the early stages of life That's crazy That was a close one Samuages, yeah, that's a shame. That's a shame. You're pretty much even with me I was a time where I was over double your score. Let's be clear All right, everyone, and we're gonna do a quick lying segment But before we do that, please don't forget to like comment subscribe gives five-star review on Spotify That's the only thing that keeps us going remember our videos rule demonetize and now getting heavily age-restricted So we need your help to keep this thing moving and chugging along. It's especially on Spotify Give us a five-star of you. Let's get it. Let's get you pumping, baby Bung break bong break bong bong bong bong bong break bong bong break T. I. N. D. Oh, we have Matt's tinder Matthew Brown is lost control now these women will lose their soul Yeah, baby I realized last week that I reread a couple from the week before the chances I've literally got 37 conversations on the go and I pick a couple that I've already said anyway Let's fucking get straight into it. This is a segment where Michael and I have taken over Matt's tinder We've made a tinder account with Matt's photo Matt's name his address Everything personal about him and then we do the swiping and we do all talking to all the girls Exactly like we think Matt Brown would and we are trying to find him a slag Which means why in La Latvia and let me tell you Brown. I've got some good news for you I've got two keen birds All all you need to do is just flop your cock out and it's done deal That's it Just how you like it easy the Easier the better. Oh, this girl starts a conversation with nice beard. Can I sit on it? Yep? You can come to mine when? And she says when he free and I said where do you live? So there you go immediately You can have this Matt You could marry her. All right, here we go So this girl has pictures of her tinder profile and she's showing her Large breasts a lot in the photos. Okay, I understand Matt starts a conversation with Pop them with a pin. Oh, holy fuck. You're a ripper Congratulations, you've actually opened with something I've never heard before Oh, yeah. Wow. I want to staple your perfect breasts to my back and like run around the house with you How was your weekend and shit? Yeah, not sure that's possible. Plus I'd prefer not to be stapled Are you just going for the record of the weirdest shit guys have ever said to chicks now? Unfortunately, my weekend was fairly boring. Oh, sorry. I've been told I've weird dirty talk lol It's just hard not to your third pic has me performing surgery on my knees No, really never would have noticed Stamp around your garden and lift your knees really high. Make sure your arms are straight down by your side What's your favorite color? Oh my god knee on green Did you end up having a goat stamping around your garden? You have to lift your knees really high and straighten keep your arms straight down by your side Film it and send it to me. My number is and I sent her your number No, why not? Are you one of those people who doesn't like trying new things and then she starts replying Okay, damn. All right. So this one is the one I was talking about now. Listen to this She's like she's quite nice looking. She seems really friendly and she has in her bio No, oh and s and which means no one night stand But she just has the letters on s that you'll need to know that for this to make sense So Matt starts to come on Such a shame you don't do on s. I've got a few people in my family that could really use it Such a long wait list though So either pimp for your family then what a job you have at hand. Sorry. I'm not following I just meant neck injuries run in my family. That's why I said that Right. I thought you were pumping out your fam. Oh and s equals one night stand. What does it mean for you? Lol, haha. Oh my god. I get it now. I Literally thought oh and s stood for open neck surgery. Oh, that's so funny. How embarrassing. Oh Wow, who the heck needs open neck surgery? You're so fucking funny. Can I please meet you? Haha, just to laugh at this by the way You are so hot just to add this just to add to this conversation Message me sends her number. My name is X Oh Kim, you're hot as hell too, but to be honest, I'm not looking for open neck surgery I'm just after some short-term fun and you're the most attractive person on here that I've matched with Let's have fun then Matt I might wow and you won't be able to resist coming back for some more open neck surgery And then I didn't message her for like a week and then she messages again It goes or don't message me with that raised that shrugging emoji. Yeah, so Matt fucking message her That's fucking She's cool. She's like she's she's quite good looking and and it's not that crazy conversation Like it's not one of the worst things flasher flashy You know that yeah So look you now have three to four girlfriends or I'll read a couple of mid-ranges and then we'll move on So Matt starts this one with Stamp my feet with a big cheesy grin You gave me goosebumps How was your weekend? I played defensive wing for my mixed netball team got like three interceptions everyone was like whoa Oh, this cunt's got true power It was so funny. I fucking love netball. I'm really really good at it. How about you and then she on that Good dude, holy shit that starts with this Believe in activation. I've got three people who rely on my expertise. What about you evening? Sorry No need to apologize. It's standard practice in my industry. Do you use public toilets? I can't stand them And then she unmatched It's quite funny to see what people unmatch for So Matt starts this one trying to be like he's trying to be like all like fucking cool. Yeah, yeah Slowly walk through a hedge and stick your tongue out as far as it goes How's your weekend? What what does that even mean? I was just like suggesting some fun shit to do that I always do whenever I see a hedge I open my eyes as wide as they can go and stick my long tongue out as as I walk through it You have to walk really slowly though. Otherwise the hedge hurts to walk through Lol our idea is a fun shit to do a very different. Oh really? What do you do for fun unmatched? Oh? Hey, she starts this is quite a good one. You guys really developed quite a bond What the hell? I was literally just squelching mud in my hands and stepping from side to side really fast Then I was spinning in a circle and releasing the mud and it got flung around the bus stop I was waiting at haha. What are the chances? How's your weekend shit? Not bad. Thanks you yeah better than usual actually I found a $2 coin in the urinal of my local chucked it in the pokies and pulled out $56 so got myself free dinner Have you got any super wild stories like that? Maybe not wild maybe embarrassing like tripping down a flight of stairs Oh Did you scrape any skin off and shit? Oh my god. Oh, it's so funny once during a bender I jumped off a two-story roof and landed on my knees my head slammed into the ground and my back has never been the same since Lucky the grass was softer. I could have fractured my skull and broken my back so fucking good It was kind of fun tripped on my long skirt and and I grazed my knees and hands But the other than that I was fine. It does not sound like fun at all and you were really lucky. Oh my god That's so funny. Did anyone else see? Yeah, all the boys were in total shock when I did it One of them will even cry because I was unconscious for like 15 minutes. Oh, I Was with a group of mates. So yep, they saw they were like, oh my god, are you okay? But then I had a bit of a laugh. I survived. Yeah, I don't blame your friends for being worried Oh, that's hectic as shit. I fucking love hectic shit being hectic is the only way to live life I reckon that's why I jumped off that roof curled my legs up to my chest I hugged them as hard as I could and smashed into the ground. I just put my life in fates hands It was such a freeing experience. Do you know what I mean? Oh god You probably think I sound like a crazy person. I like the idea of freedom and not giving a fuck I'm someone who's more let's say not spontaneous and do stupid shit But it but it does have a place sometimes to be stupid. Yeah, that's cool I know what you mean. The way I see it is having those totally free moments a reminder that we're never really in control And to accept that so when I jumped off the roof and cannonballed into the ground I actually felt fully at peace while it was jumping I don't remember that much but my friends reckon I had my eyes closed and a smile on my face They thought I was trying to kill myself But they couldn't be further from the truth. I was truly living in that moment. Yeah, I can see where you're coming from Yeah, I've always been drawn to getting on a highway getting up to 180 kilometers an hour And then just letting go of the wheel and closing my eyes. Would you ever consider doing something so freeing with me? That involves a lot of trust but possibly Maybe sleep on it. It could be a cool first date, but yeah, I agree I would never want to put you in a situation. You're uncomfortable with I jumped as high as I could off that second-story house and felt God as Felt God as my huge body Finally slammed into the ground and my head slung forwards because of the whiplash and mashed my nose Living on the edge not not sure that's something I can get my own head around it and carefree vibe But hey time will tell yeah That's totally fine, and I respect your wishes to be a massive massive pussy and not do it with me Come on. It will be so hectic. We can keep your seatbelt on how's that sound? Thanks for the level of care there I'm more of a show rides thrill type of girl, and I don't care if I'm a massive pussy either Nah, I'm just fucking around in shit We can start at roller coasters and work our way up to my level of living I want to get fucking hammered with me this weekend like I'm talking absolutely fucking obliterated I'm mad as fun as fun as that sounds. I'm at West at Charleville so a bit far Just work, and then the weekend passes. Just woke up. Holy shit. That was a wild two nights There's blood on my dog's ass, and the place looks like a bombs in it. What the fuck? How was your weekend? Oh Wow sounds like a crazy time. I just vomited up tooth floss I must have passed out while flossing. Are you walking around in circles popping your head up and down to music? I am actually Matter of plies with an eye roll the emoji So fuck mention like actually doing that Marlin his face Jumping from a story building So shocking to watch Imagine if you got it to agree to go on that day. I can't believe she was considering it You'd have to do it. We'd have to film it close your eyes at 180 Slowly beer and then fly off the fucking edge in or something can't take you Such a violent Would you do it Matt? Would you do it for one billion dollars? Yeah, really? What about ten you could there's like a high chance Oh, yeah, would you do it for ten billion dollars? It's more. Yeah, but yeah, but do you understand how dangerous that is? You probably will die. I reckon I'd do it if they were like sturdy guard rails that could you couldn't go over? 180s too much pinball Probably yeah, there's no fucking way even if you did hit the guard rails and you start spinning not okay Think about it But if you take your hands off the wheel and it slowly veers into it It might just go on the edge and slow it down or just go boom and then go to the next guy Yeah, but then it like as it bombs it might like the steering more jerk sideways and then you go. Yeah, dude You fucking oh man. Okay. Do you get a roll cage? Marty's really into formula one. He'd know and that's that my sound of an 80 year old Oh 50-story building. Let's call Scotty quickly. Let's try and last Scotty It's kind of like a try Brian's phone just with no not private. Yeah, man, Scotty. I just missed your call Yeah, hey, bro. Sorry, bro. I'm just interested in buying one of your cars, bro The which one is it the the Toyota Yaris? I believe you got in stock. Is that a 2021 model or what? Yes, sorry, right. Yes, it's so there's a go like any shit wrong with them shit Or is it just like a fucking normal car? What's that funny? Anything wrong with it. Does it have like all that road? No There's no error with it. It's on a road where it'll come with registration It is a repairable. I don't probably clear the script in the ad but I'm a part from that everything's Mickey Mouse is not even a scratch on it. Does it say like how it got written off like does it say that shit? Oh, no, it was just the front end. It was just a couple of panels that need repairing Right, so and that affects the price And and what about like how many kilometers and shit is that a little fucking thing done? Oh, so it's like pretty much ban you so it's like fucking nearly brand new bro. Yeah, that's fucking hectic as shit. Oh You're in fucking Jackson's videos and shit a Oh Fucking Darren's voice Could have been a fucking good one, but he's fucking on he's very good at picking up It's pretty fucking good man. Do you want you want the fucking arrows? If anyone out there wants a Yaris McChrystal motors on Instagram, all right, sorry to waste your time It's good. It will fucking keep moving come. We'll see you tonight All right, look, let's do a quick scream. All right, just a quick scream I reckon it's gonna be the supermarket down the road. How long do you reckon they're gonna? I'm gonna say 15 seconds I'm gonna say nine seconds. I'm gonna throw hail Mary here and go. I'm gonna say 25 seconds Now remember at one minute. We have to say you've won this round if they make it to one minute This is that all we say you've won this round you've won this round you've won this time only one person is ever You win this time. Yeah, so you win this time. All right, here we go screaming segments So if you turn your volumes down now if you're like lying in bed or some shit look at Luke No, oh wow, he's been for client air Oh My god, that was quick. She did not have any time of day for that Way too busy that was four seconds. Wow. I was way off Shit man, I didn't even start with a full scream. I kind of worked up to it So I couldn't imagine though your life is in danger and you called Drake's I Don't explain anything Anyway guys, no, no, that's our fucking screaming second moving along on the pa box We are you guys? Oh, no, you guys send in shit that we open live on the podcast and Our pa box is two five six taken four zero one eight and we open it live We don't know what it is and I've just opened this letter and I can see in it and Matt here So someone send us an envelope. Oh Describe it Matt describe it with your words. There's a tissue and then inside the tissue is a used condom That's a first day. I don't think we've been sent to use condom. Is it actually used I'm trying it looks like it Can you pull it up or is that too car leg? Hold it up brown and flick it. Oh, yeah, there's fucking come in there Oh, should we add it to the feclani? I reckon to the wall of kale. Oh, I don't know I wouldn't oh you can see the whiteness on the water quickly You So that did they at least tie it up at least got to put their name on it Like I do like if I was gonna send my my common economy one fucking so how much to put that in your mouth How much how much would it cost? No way? What are we talking 10 grand? No 10 grand. Okay. What about 1200 dollars? $1,200 bucks to put that in my mouth and chew it once right now. We'll transfer you right now I Would do it if I was him man, that's like that's a more than a week's wage It's twice a week's wage That's tax-free tax exempt $1,200 and you get a free ticket to mission impossible. You could get really sick with your sister Free tickets, but you have to really you can only get free ticket to mission impossible $1,200 free ticket and you have to wear exactly what she's wearing Dude, that would be a funny funny Imagine if you ask oh, what are you wearing tonight? And then she tells you and then you go and buy the exact same outfit So yeah, you don't have to do that last part, but you're $1,200 look I'll put some silly stuff in my mouth before but I don't know about this. We would transfer it right now, too $1,200 man Do you have to tell us we're bringing the boys in because this is like monumental this would save Egypt See if I did water to the night Someone to do this and they're all their issues would be over if I did that if I did that I just has to be spur of the moment not and don't think about it. Otherwise I'd bomb it All right, but yeah, I don't know. I don't think I can do that James Shanklin clang them the claim calling should I call someone and ask sure phone a friend. No, okay Do you want five Ryan for no, you just got to be only condom can't be paper Little cheeky cheeky Look, why don't you just put it put it here next to you and who knows next week he might be about it Might be a bit more desperate for money Do you think of the basketball cards? You'd get Michael Jordan times two probably no Free tickets to fucking mission impossible with your sis Right here right now All right, let's move that music happened to have played automatically just then I might have been it just did to do it No, I need like the actual song. All right guys. It's time for the for the prank fucking Your time is there for us to waste picking up your phone was your first mistake ha ha ha ha ha it's prank I'm spending my head a lot to catch you little jingle isn't it? Yeah Hey, how are you look? I'm after a quite a large booking and it's actually four in in two nights And we're just interested in getting a quite a large table in the restaurant area So just wondering how many people do you see it in there? And the maximum we can see is 30 Yeah, right, right. Okay, so do you have a few of those tables or because believe it or not my Family is actually quite large and I'm probably gonna have to need three of those Believe it or not It's 83 to be exact. Yeah, so I'm Expecting a few to pull out though so it could be more around the 70 to 75 mark as they always do but yeah It'll certainly be more than 30. Yes. Okay. Um, I think the largest booking we can take in our bistro is But you can book a function would you like me to pass your information on to our If you guys have the 30 seats tables Why can't we book two of them and then just one other larger table to seat the rest of the family? We can do two Tables we can only fit two tables of 30 in our bistro that would have to be a question I'd have to ask the restaurant manager What do we do that we'll book to the tables for 30 people each that's 60 in total and then the rest Considered another table in the bistro or restaurant area. I just have to speak to the restaurant first No, I totally understand that's that's completely fine. I'm look you have a chat with your manager Oh, I'll wait here and I'll wait for you to get back on the phone with me Yeah How long do you think it'll be roughly In right now I can take your details down and get him to call you back. Sure. No, that would be great Yeah, that's lovely. Why don't we do that then hey? So what details you need exactly from me here? I Just need your name and number. Sure. So my name is a Margaret and they are g a r e t Yeah, my numbers are m o 4 o 5 3 2 1 9 6 3 Do you know what roughly what what time I can expect to call from your manager? Maybe around I'm not sure. I don't know what they what time they get into this afternoon, right? Okay, so it'll be some time this afternoon then Yeah, yeah, maybe not entirely sure Okay, so I kind of need to plan my day a little bit here. So I'm gonna need a rough time That he's gonna call me. I Am not the restaurant manager, so I couldn't tell you so are we talking today at least or can you at least give me that? Indication or is this something I might have to wait it could be this afternoon It could be tomorrow. It's just I start works in and I've got a lot of people Waiting on me to tell them So the quicker I know the better Yeah, it's okay. I'll pass that on. I just want to double-check your number. Sorry. I only got the first four digits Well, which digits of my number? Sure. Yes. Oh four oh five five nine six three Three one two one two Yeah, oh four oh five nine six three one two. Yeah. Oh, sorry read that back That doesn't sound like quite right. Hang on. Let me check on the phone. Hang on. I've just got a new phone. Hang on Sorry read that back to me darling Oh four oh five nine six three one two one two three all right great. So it's one two three at the end there darling Sure. No worries. Got that one down Margaret. I will Pass on to the restaurant manager and they'll get back to you. Thank you. They may be tomorrow Okay, yeah, so if you could maybe make a note to to maybe call me today as soon as possible Because I don't have time to get off work Just to wait for him So anytime sort of um, yeah in the early afternoon. I'm available, but once it starts sort of creeping up to 7 p.m. I'm out And won't be available till the morning Thank you so much appreciate your time darling No worries by darling I can't believe she stayed on by the end I feel like she's like I just want to get this bitch off the fucking phone Yeah, I think that is an actual number that I gave them and then they call and they're like, what bro? I didn't I didn't call that Oh Man Margaret is a fucking big bitch Hey, I had to commit to that without laughing or being so rude. It must make you feel sick She's a weapon always always such a silence after the screen. It's just like dead time I mean it'd be quite shocking like I've got this nice kind of cock. It's nice big sick Slide down the throat brown Oh Fuck whit. I'm missing impossible. It's coming your way soon right everyone hope you enjoyed that Hope you enjoy that. Don't forget to like comment subscribe leave a five star review on Spotify Please and tell all of your friends about us. Say hey check these podcast our bro. Thank you Ag Pendanted don't short anyone under 18. Otherwise we're gonna go to jail where the best everyone