 Hi she was seven I'm back so I think I want to talk about today moving to the next level in your relationship a lot of people have been asking me how do I get my man to or my woman to move into the next phase of our relationship we've been dating for a while now things are starting to you know get serious but I want to you know move in or get engaged or do something like you know make a major commitment and you know start looking to the future with each other but I don't want to scare this person off so what do I do what do I do well the first thing you have to do is understand who you are in this person's life do they claim you as their girlfriend or boyfriend to other people do they take you places are you a priority okay if the answer is yes then check yourself to the next level the next level is are they ready to move on to the next level as well do you and them feel the same way about each other do they like you just as much as you like them do they call and text just as much as you call and text them okay if the answer is yes check let's move to the next box okay and that's the case then how are they raised are their parents together are there other siblings or if they have brothers and sisters are they married are they in committed relationships okay are their friends in committed relationship because a lot of times guys will not commit if their friends are not like I'll commit it because they know that oh I'm gonna want to hang out I want to go on trips I want to go do this and if I'm in a committed relationship it's gonna be hard to do certain things so I don't know so make sure if they're hanging around people they're not being like persuaded or held back because of you know their friends or family if that's the case you need to you know kind of start making new friends and introducing him and y'all start hanging out like as couples you want to have couples as friends instead of single friends okay so it's a lifestyle change and you have to change everything around it if you want that to change as well you're gonna have to start hanging out with couples so that he can feel like oh I want to go do that I want to do this couples thing and he'll start thinking we instead of me okay the next thing you know does he have enough money to be able to you know take it to the next level some men are insecure and it will not take things to the next level because they fear oh I don't have enough money I can't afford this and that I can't you know so you have to make it so that things are comfortable you know you have to give them time to save you know create a goal to start saving so that you can move to the next level in your relationship you know another thing you have to ask yourself is this this person you know have they already been in this situation have they been married have they been divorced do they have kids already are they moving slow because they don't want to repeat the same mistake as they did with the last person and they're taking everything extra extra slow to make sure you're not going to be another mistake if that's the case then you're gonna have to understand that and you're gonna actually you're gonna have to be like okay well I'm I'm not this type of person you're gonna have to kind of prove yourself at that point you know because a lot of people will not jump into marriage after they've just gotten out of one you're not gonna get a proposal as soon as this person finds a divorce paper if they're you know if they went through a bad divorce you just not so you have to be patient you know if someone just died in their family and you're trying to push this relationship on them they're gonna push you back okay you can't be selfish especially if you're dating people with kids you can't be selfish with the children and spending time and being jealous of stuff like that because once they see that they they they already know it's not gonna work so you're gonna have to be very generous with their time if they do have other family from previous marriages okay do they still talk to their ex do they still talk to their baby mama as if one day they could get back together are they texting all the time if you see that and you see that they're not trying to move to the next level with you that's a red flag saying they still might go back so you got to understand what you're dealing with okay things don't just happen like a fairy tale unless you line things up to happen like a fairy tale and that's what I try to teach before you get into relationship get all the information that's why I say let them do all the talking you remain a mystery do they have kids do that baby are they over the baby mama do they have enough money saved up to move to the next level you have to get all this information so you know what you're working with if most of the answers are you know negative then you know chances of that ending and then a happy fairy tale is slim so either you pass it by pass it up and move on to the next or you can sit there and try to make it work but there are no guarantees okay you know a lot of people say well what about love what about love you can love someone all you want but if they love someone else and stuck on someone else does that love really matter okay so what you're what you're gonna need to do is think strategically when you meet someone get all the information out on the table you do you have you know a savings do you have kids are you still friends with with their mother you know where do you see yourself in five years you know does he talk about her a lot even if it's bad even if he talks about her bad that means he's not over her because people don't talk about people like that they'll just like oh you know whatever you don't need to hear it's boring if they're like very passionate and emotional emotional when they're talking about their ex even if it's bad that's that means they're not over them so that's a red flag okay so make sure you know okay make sure you know that okay and if you're willing to put up with that don't get mad don't get mad when you and him getting a fight and he wants to hurt okay don't get mad because I always tell people that date men who are still close with the kids mother eventually if y'all have a fight he's going back to her I don't know what they're gonna do I don't know if they're gonna sleep together I don't know if they're gonna he's gonna sleep on the couch I don't know if he's gonna talk bad about you to her and she's gonna convince them to come back and then he's gonna cheat and then go back to you and then have her calling you I don't know but it's something you can totally avoid by not even dating men with young children or things like that okay like just I would avoid it like honestly if it's me I'm not doing it and if I do date guys with children it's not gonna be serious like I'm already married but before I was married I would never seriously date men with children because it's just too much it's like I ain't doing all that okay I'm I'm too good for that I was like I'm too good for that so you know and the same thing men don't have to date women with children it's it's up to them you know and you can't get mad at men for passing you by because you have kids you know it's just one of the challenges of dating you're gonna have to date a man who openly accepts it and you're not gonna be able to you know have the freedom of like you know talking with the father and you know having fun with the father and the kids at the same time as you used to so lifestyle will change you're not to understand that also you know moving on from the kid and the you know kids in a relationship money okay some people get into a relationship and be all in love and love and love then when it's time to do stuff and there's no money then they want to fight and argue you know and talk about money when it was no big deal before money is a big deal and I'm not just saying that because I'm a fan of it I'm just saying money is a big deal you know if you want to get married you need money if you want to go on a trip you need money if you want to have a baby you need money okay if you want to go to the grocery store and buy food for your house you need money and none of y'all have money but all y'all have is love well you can't eat love love can't pay the bills but money can so make sure you're dealing with someone who can at least hold out a job and keep a job and keep bills paid and stuff like that okay you know if you're dating someone that's gonna pull you down you're not dating your babysitting and you're allowing someone to steal from you basically okay if you're not dating anyone who can either keep you on the same level or promote you or push you to that next level you're wasting time and you're doing yourself a disservice okay if you're at the bus stop if you if you are on the bus you should be dating a man with a car so you don't have to ride the bus okay if you're if you have a car you should be dating a man with a nicer car so that when y'all go out you can step out in style you know if you're dating if you have a nice car and you should be dating a man with a nicer car in a house that's nice okay you don't ever go backwards that's it's silly so same with guys you know if you're dating if you're dating a woman and you cannot contribute to her in any way you're using her and you're wasting her time okay if you can't help her if you can't promote her to the next level she doesn't need you okay the thing is if men are now looking for women to push them to the next level which is backwards okay you're supposed to already be there you're supposed to have the ambition and the drive and that male stamina to build and create and just you know be the man but if you're looking for a woman to do that for you then you know you're doing things backwards and you're you're more in your feminine energy than you are in your masculine energy and women don't respect that so if you're one of those type of men and you always get cheated on it's because you are you know showing too much feminine energy and women don't like that you know cuz when a real man comes in like I'm I'm take care of that bill oh I'm gonna pay for that oh what do you want anything pick it they're gonna get super turned on and forget about you they're gonna like who roommate what scrub what you know they're gonna go with that real man even if they've been dating you for two years that real man offers take them on a shopping spree give them a stack of cash and say here go do something nice for yourself they're gonna take it I'm not even go live they're not gonna say no I have a boyfriend who splits bills and rent with me and makes me go to work for another man every day sorry can't take that money and go shopping with you I'm faithful no I ain't no I'm gonna do that I'm like okay let's go and she's gonna tell you she was at work all day and her friend had a problem so she had to go and talk to her and go to her mom's house and and do her mom's hair and that's why she's home so late okay so if y'all men are out there looking for women to do for you you might find some but you might not keep it okay I'm just telling you because once a real man steps up and offers them things they're gonna take it I'm sorry okay and if you're dating a woman who you know men like that do not approach and you think you got it in the bag eventually she's gonna see her friends you know move up and forward in life and she's gonna feel stuck and like you're holding her back and then she's gonna start resenting you treating you like a child and secretly hating you so you know still it's always best just to be the man in the relationship and not the roommate and not the little kid women respect authority women respect men who can you know pay rent pay bills without having their hand out to them women respect a man who have it together financially okay that's just honest to God truth women are not attracted to men who are not stable unless they want to be a mother to them which means telling them what to do all the time controlling them telling them when they can go and when they can't go they want the control in the relationship so they will take on the masculine role so that when you get ready to go out with your friends and your boys she's gonna tell you no and you're gonna listen because guess what you can't have a place to live without her okay so keep that in the back of your mind men who got their hand out at rent time okay and I'm just trying to be honest with you I'm not trying to put y'all down but women don't respect men who got their hand out they just don't you know it just makes them it makes them look like a roommate or just another girl like can I have some money you know I paid my have a plate let's go Dutch for lunch you know so if you want to turn a woman off quick ask her for some money now there's some women out there that have been programmed and they will try to boast by paying the bill like oh I got this I don't need you I'll pay wrong move ladies even though you got it and you know you got it you should never pay for your own meal when you're with a man not even to prove a point the only point you're proving is that you just pay for his food and he got you what you need to do is pay for your own food let him get the other part of the bill and say I'm gonna go you know I'm gonna go shopping now you have a good lunch you know I'm gonna go do this I'm gonna go do that you you don't have to show off by paying his side that's that's just saying you know what I'm dumb enough to pay for a man's meal and still not get the attention and and the love and respect I deserve that's that's not that's not very smart I will never pay for no grown man's meal unless it's his birthday or he's my niece I mean my nephew or my little cousin if he's grown man that's older than me my age that I'm dating no never never ever ever ever why because it would just turn me off and I would never speak to him again and just be like phone will never be phone number will never be dialed again I'm so sorry delete out of my phone I can't respect it I just can't there's something in me that cannot respect that okay it could just be me the way I was raised but I just can't respect it it just doesn't go together it's like eating a hot dog with jelly on it just doesn't go together it's just nasty okay so I'll decide I don't eat hot dogs with jelly okay I don't even eat hot dogs but that's how nasty the combination will look to me if a man asked me to pay for something okay I just I wasn't raised like that and it's backwards to me and it should be backwards to most people but for some reason people are trying to promote it and man are jumping on that bandwagon of looking like punks but that's what y'all want to do you know that's what y'all do you know I can't and I could and that's why I am where I am