 See Nick turn Good evening or morning or whatever it is wherever you guys are my lovely internet friends I am sitting on the floor of our Airbnb Finishing laundry before we head to our next location tomorrow morning here in Ireland, but I wanted to share with you guys today What happened? We went to Glen v or Glen Bay Ireland friends, correct me National Park and Castle and First off it was breathtaking and amazing and I was reminded yet again How truly healing nature is but secondly I was able to actually Hike sort of for the first time not just since amputation really since I don't know maybe a year and a half There may be a couple okay days in there before I had my surgery where I was able to go walking But mostly I was just in so much pain that I wasn't able to and today was a good day Like my bursa is she wasn't really hurting that much and so I was able to take my eye walk and I Was able to do this We're gonna watch Joe Go up all 67 steps with her white walk. They were never heard of again Should like fuzz it out like static. I'm queen There's more to go We're coming to the top Everybody a reference point She came up all the way here by herself Well, there is a lock gate the top I mess this one up real good Look at this Just hiked up to the top of this and I know and we haven't been hiking in how long Least a year. Yeah, seriously It's amazing. We used to go hiking with the puppies like every weekend whenever we could and it's been forever since we could Only the beginning soon. We'll be able to do that more once I have a leg and everything. Yes Yeah, so that was a truly truly truly amazing Secondly holy cow guys after we got done at the park. We went and got a super awesome dinner like a steak mashed potatoes I ate all of it because it was delicious, right? Usually that would keep me full for hours upon hours by the time we got back to the Airbnb where we were staying I was starving again Realized what they say about using a lot more energy like being an amputee and moving around and stuff like that is so true I just I'm still hungry right now. Anyways, that's aside the point all your driving back from the park to this location I Was looking up the window and it was just filled with like so much peace that countryside is Gorgeous and different and a lot of people talk about Ireland being magical and I understand why there's something really special Here and I'm really blessed to be here and I was thinking about how Amazing it would be to live here someday because Brian and I talked about it before before even coming here And I'm I was just like yeah, I could totally do this and we're in a pretty rural area And then it just kind of hit me that like oh wait We couldn't do that for a while first of all because I don't have a prosthetic leg That's gonna be reliable for a while and I would have to find a prosthetics office here And I would have to check in with them because I'd constantly making readjustments and like so on and so forth and wait Um, you know after that it's gonna come like hopefully fingers crossed a running blade and As they're just like looking out the window at this incredible incredible landscape. I Think it realized that to some extent to probably a large extent. I am in denial about The fact that all of this is very permanent each day I get more and more used to it each day I get I Find more of a new normal, but I think even the fact that I had like intentionally unintentionally Didn't plan for some aspects of this trip like bathroom modifications for like easily taking a shower point towards the fact that I am I think part of me thinks that this is like Temporary and it'll all go back to like normal someday soon eventually Which is a weird thing to say considering we're five months in and obviously my leg is gone And it's not coming back, but as I was looking out that window and we were driving today I realized that I don't think my brain has come to terms with that It's a weird thing to come to terms with that like if I wanted to live out here. It would probably mean extensive driving for prosthetics appointments and stuff like that whenever I needed that for the rest of my life and I Mean, I don't know that for sure But I do know that once everything gets settled in like a year or two You still have to go back in for you know adjustments and New parts and pieces and stuff like that And so it was a very frozen moment for a second there for me to think that like oh This is actually forever forever Forever and I will get used to it Also, it's kind of like a deer in the headlights moment where I don't want to make Peace with it because I don't want that to be the reality. I don't want it to be I don't want to have to be constantly making adjustments and thinking about it I want it to be something where it's just clean and done And that is not the life that I have and that's okay But I think that there's a lot of grieving left to do people talk about denial being one of the stages of grief I don't believe in stages I think grief is just like a plight of spaghetti that you just like jump back and forth and follow in with your Directions in your head and you go through many motions over and over again But I think denial is definitely to some extent where I am Sitting and that just hit me like a train today and it's weird And so I think I think living in denial has certain dangers because I don't want to take care of Things the way that I should like I don't want to modify things the way that I should I don't want to accommodate myself As much as I should because I don't want to make peace with the reality that things are as different as they are If that makes any sense. It's been so good to be away So good to be away from everything just to take a moment away from things to have the majority of things just be Carefree for a little bit and I'm grateful for that because I know things are gonna snap back to reality in a little while But not for a few more days and so for these last few days I am going to love the time that we have here and not think about what I'm headed back to and That's just what I'm gonna do. I am so grateful for the time I have here. I love you guys I'm thinking about you. Thank you for listening to me as always. I will upload another video whenever I you know get internet reception in Ireland It seems that it it seems that Colorado has great internet compared to certain places that I all the places I've been so far in Ireland, so we'll see when I can upload it next. So I love you guys I'm thinking of you and I'll talk to you soon. Bye So how many a pop-up petting zoos have you tried to establish three separate petting zoos nine animals I am oh for nine None of the animals like me here. I don't quite understand why I'm handsome. I have a red beard I look like I'm part of the Irish culture. He does but something about them. They know That I am a filthy American If you don't know a pop-up petting zoo is when you just try to pet random woodland creatures that Shouldn't be shouldn't be petted