 Hey fellow Vikings, my name's Kevin and today we play Valhain. Oh, silly me, me little half-fellow-off. Ah jeez, hold on, I'll give you that now a moment. And you know what, no, hold on there, I'll get my mocha one second. Ah, that's better now, that's lovely. That's great. Okay, um, where were we? Nah, we're going to get you out of your pesky- I'm going to stop, I'm going to stop this now, this isn't going well. Ooh, Viking injured. Alright, we're playing Valhain, which is Viking game where you build and you explore and everything. It's great, honestly, I've played a bit already, I've come prepared for a change. Yeah, that's me, alright. Look at that muscles, that's definitely me, he's got like an 80 pack going on there. But we're going to start again, we're going to start with a new character, just as pale as I am. The light actually bounces the same way. I'm not even kidding, I know I take the piss out of being pale, but watch this, let me open a chrome tab. See? Oh, there we go, misunderstood, I like it. That looks less like a hairstyle and more like two-face from Batman. Can I get a beard on the other side? You know what, I like this one, I like the way that it freaks out. We'll just name Jim, an early descendant of Jim Pickens. Oh, little intro here, I'll catch this for you, no reading for you, don't even worry about it. Sorry, I can't read that well, so I get to a certain point, and then my brain just gives up, makes up what I want to hear. Uh, I didn't read the rest, I actually didn't, so I'd have to assume this is what happens if you don't like and subscribe. But to give you a bit of backstory, you're basically a Viking that's dropped into a procedurally generated open world. You can build and whatnot as well, but there's like bosses to build up to, you can do a co-op, but I just got the penguin here, so... It's just going to be me for today, he doesn't like games. The only game I want to play here is killing Kevin. What was that? What'd you say? I mean, bark. Is that what a penguin says? Bawk? The place is overrun with ugly penguins, and we need to do something about it. Oh, Jesus Christ. Alright, anyway, we're in, finally. Sorry, I'm sweating, I'm dripping here. I'm dripping over here. Uh, Kro, tell me, what do you sound like? Okay, that's what birds sound like apparently. I've never been outside, so I wouldn't know. Okay, so I'm in Purgatory, I need to destroy each boss to get to Valhalla. Oh, oh my God, wait, what the hell? This is the world? I never actually zoomed out when I was looking at this game. Okay, no, that can't be, there's no way, surely. Alright, so this is the first boss, I think. But to beat him, I'm going to need some weapons and armor and such. Skill improved, run, fantastic. That should be flying up, because I love running from my problems. Oh my God, next, my one true fear. Ah, Jesus, I was talking to the bird and a neck came out of nowhere and attacked me. That's it, I gotta assert dominance, I gotta begin neck training, whatever that involves. How do you work out your neck? Finally, the necks are leaving, they must have strained themselves looking up at me. I need five wood and four stone to make axe. You know what this reminds me of? And I know it's weird to say, but it reminds me of playing Oblivion for the first time. I'm just in this lovely little jungle forest area, whatever you want to call it. And there's just soothing music playing, but I'm still afraid and on edge. I'm beating up a deer. Honestly, do you think you could beat a deer in unarmed combat? Because I don't think I could. I could probably take like, Bambi or something, you know, but I think beyond that, I don't think I'd win. Oh look, a house. Yay, goodies, nice. And we got another, honestly, this is where I'm going to settle down. Loads of victims, there's a great view, open clarity. I think this looks gorgeous. Ah, it turns out I was the victim. Oh my God, that was just pure terror. Ah, there you go, you fecker, I blew him up with me fists. Do I have enough yet? I do, I can make axe. I made axe. I reached the stone age. I don't think I'm using it right, just smacking away. Okay, I got it, I got it. There we go, lots of wood. I also just discovered fire, so that's why I headed out in the daytime. I didn't fully understand it, but I got it now. Ah, the neck isn't so ferocious now. See, I have a weapon. Honestly, this looks gorgeous, and the game is so small. It was like one gig or something. Like think about it, Warzone has 130 of this. Wait, do I hear bees? Oh, those are bees. I'm not messing with bees. Bees just destroy me every time. No matter what way you set up the fight, like I might beat a deer in unarmed combat, but bees, no, they win every time. They're too small and too agile. Now, if you had a Kevin-sized bee, and I were to fight that, I'd still lose, please God, don't let that happen. That is so scary to think about. All right, I'm gonna make a hammer, and I'm gonna craft me a working bench. I think I'm gonna make this into my little house. I actually adore this spot, it's so nice. And plus, the only other kind of shag is filled with bees, so it makes the decision kinda easy for me. Start by building a workbench. That sounds like a good plan. I'm glad that I didn't crave to my first instinct to eat that bird, because he's turned out to be super helpful. Build menu, a crafting bench. I need more wood. I'm on a chief, what the hell is that thing? Oh my God, no, no, no. Ooga booga, I know fire. Oh, he doesn't care, he knows about fire too. Can I kill it? Yes, we can, can I kill it? No, we can't. Wait, oh, I got him. Okay, he tried to flee. Idiot, I've been working on my run skill. So that won't work on me. Oh, I nearly dropped a tree on top of myself. Oh, oh, ladies and gentlemen, I have just invented deforestation. You're welcome, remember me, okay? I don't want this to be lost in history. This is a great day for me and my people. I just realized I don't have any people. This is a great day for me. That's all right, just more glory for me. I'm not lonely. No, the only thing is this land is very uneven. I might put the workbench inside and then I can work on the land and spruce it up a bit, you know, self a little bed. Can I build that? It's a little bit cramped. Oh God, I've not gone about this the best way. Well, I can figure this out. I might need an extension. That's fine, I'll just jump over the bed. That's perfectly reasonable. There we go, and I even have some storage. Lovely, that's nice now. All right, Kevin, just think of this boar as Boar Ragnarok. Ah, ah, the anger comes out. If you don't know that meme, it's a very old dead meme, which it terrorizes me. I can't sleep. I haven't slept well in a year. You know, this is working well. I like my club. I miss clubbing. Crafting station needs a roof. Oh, this doesn't count. I guess it is kind of falling apart. Hold on, let me try and repair this place. All right, hold on. I feel like I should have something supporting me here. Ah, well, there wasn't regulations back then. It doesn't matter. I can figure this out there. I really like the building because it's not like, it has a bit of snap building in, but you can pull it out and just do what you want if you prefer to do it that way. There we go. Now I can use it now to fix the roof. And I want to build a hole. So I need wood and stone. I'll do that now. Oh, Jesus, Boar Ragnarok. He can come back to haunt me. I got to watch my health too. It's not doing too great. The good thing is I think I need to kill boars to get the leather scraps to do like armor and stuff. So it's all working out. All right, gonna make myself a hole. And now we will fix the ground. There we go. That should do. Perfect. It's given me a little bit of play room here. Kind of ruin the land, but whatever. I want to build fire. My new invention. I hope people don't forget that I made fire either. That must suck for whoever figured out fire first and they got no recognition. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Every time I hit a tree now and I almost kill myself, I'm a danger. Dude, either help me hit the log or go away. Oh, for fix sake, hold on. I'll deal with you. There you go. You like clubbing, do you? Sorry, no more clubbing jokes. It's not even really a joke. It's just saying clubbing. Clubbing happens to have a second meaning. That is it. That is the joke. I'm sorry. My axe broke and now I'm just pissed off. I'm just punching the log. Oh no, it's rolling downhill. You know what? That's destroyed something else that I can get wood from. That works. Keep rolling, no! Oh my God, that almost killed me. Oh, lumberjacking is so dangerous. I don't know how to make fire. I didn't fully figure it out yet. It's probably with this. Hold on, let me figure this thing out. Misk, campfire, need stone. Why am I talking like an actual caveman? Like they were Vikings, not Neanderthals. Shouldn't be going around like Ooga Booga, need stone. There we go. Ooga Booga, fire done. Can I cook the meat? I would like to cook the meat. I think it's a good idea. Me hunger, you can't use raw meat on fire. Why not? How do I cook then? All right, I'm going to bed hungry. That'll show you. I'm repairing the house. It looks lovely. There you go. Now it's looking good. Not sure how I can fix that gap though. Perhaps I could, oh wait, maybe this'll work. There we go, all fixed up. I like it. Nice little safe spot now. Can I make it like in a physical door? Just make sure it swings out because my bed kind of blocks the place enough as is. Oh, I don't like that. I can't even get in. Repair, repair, repair. Repair, repair. I'm like a wizard. I have to say it. Otherwise it doesn't work. Repair all these. Now I feel safe against the harsh elements out there. Like the soothing sun. Wait, a forehead? I didn't realize I took one of their heads. Use the bare trophy here maybe? Can I, do I have to make a mound for it? I just want to stick it above my door. Or maybe I could put it above my bed like some sort of weird dream catcher. I feel like that would have the opposite effect. Like definite nightmares. Oh, wait, there's a cooking station. I see. Okay, let's put one of those down. You need to have a lit fire. That's a fair point. Let me take care of that. Oh, dear. There we go, cooking the meat. Okay, what do we got here? I think I should make a flint spear. That seems like a good idea. So I need to look for flint and I should look for a shield as well. I'm going to need six leather scraps. And two for that. So eight leather scraps, some flint and some wood. Can I just leave that there? Will it burn? Oh, okay, it's cooked. Okay, good. I was worried I'd leave and come back to the house fire and I don't have insurance. There we go. So you can see down the bottom left there that you can use different foods but you can't just spammy one thing. So I've eaten a berry and a bit of meat there. And that's going to get my held up quite a bit. Flint, yes. Okay, you always seem to find flint by the water. Look at this, you learned two things from me. What more can I do for you? Have you liked and subscribed yet? Like I'm teaching you so much about life. It's so rare that I have any knowledge of any game. It's still not to the point where I know to put the cooking station over a fire, which you would think would be common sense but it's enough to know that flint by water. Oh, another little hot down here. I've just been following the coast collecting me some flint. Oh, a bore. Probably what you're thinking of me right now but I try my best, okay? Don't be so critical. All right, can I disassemble this? Oh, you need a crafting station, I guess. Okay, I'm just going to take all the supplies. Wait, where are you going? Dude, you can't escape that way. Come back, come back over here and let me kill you. I'm going to count to three. One, two, two and a half. He's not coming back. No, he's gone. I can't even see his health bar anymore. He's, goodbye. Okay, I have enough flint. I think I have enough wood. I got a bit of food there as well from that so that's pretty good. What else did I need? Leather? Did I get some leather? I got six leather. Maybe that's enough? I feel like it might be enough. I'll go back and check. Jesus Christ. That did not sound like a bore to me. That sounded like a final boss or something. That was so aggressive. All right, here we go. Wood tower shield. Oh, I don't have enough, do I? God damn it. Okay, well I can make the shield at least. What was the other thing I wanted? A flint spear. I just need one leather for that. Ah, there you are. Jesus, my gun seems to be getting stronger. Just one hitting him now. And I have enough leather. Perfect, I'm on my way home. Which way is home? This way is home. Okay, good. I was a little bit unsure there. And then I saw my little bed appear on the map. What is up with this running? Is my gun so thick the mountain is shaking as I run? Okay, they seem to spawn near my house. So that's good. I'm glad they respawn. I wasn't sure about that. I thought I was just going to make them go extinct. I was a little bit worried. Not because I care if they go extinct. But where else would I get my leather from? Flint spear, there we go. This should be good. Oh, I like what it scribes it as. If your eye marks a thing for death, let your arms send the messenger. Very dramatic. I would just been like pointy stick, lol. Oh, I had leather in the box the whole time. The last thing I need are some deer heads though. I need two deer heads to offer up to the gods so that he'll appear or something like that. I don't know. I'm not very religious, so I didn't pay that much attention in church. I don't know much about these things. I assume they were teaching us about this stuff anyway. All I know is when you eat a little circle waiver, the mass is over. There's one now. I was sneaking up on it even though I was just thundering my way over to him. I literally was moving on mountain with my run earlier. How did he not hear me approaching? Damn it, the thing got away. Where did it go? They all was run. For once in my life, I don't want something to run away in terror from me. Trying to get used to throwing things. Oh my God, even when he was hardly moving, I still missed. Yes, did I kill him in one? Okay, that makes it a lot easier. Ah, Jesus, what was that? A boar was inside of him. I'm lost to aid and without chewing. He just came right out of there. I'm having so much fun, but every now and again, this game catches me off guard and there's just like sheer terror. You feel cold. Oh my God, that's terror as well. I have poor circulation. Also, there was a skeleton there, so that's a little scary. Oh my God, I hit it in like the foot, I think, if even. There we go. That was a good hit. Maybe it's because it's a one star perhaps. I'm not sure it seemed to take an extra hit there or maybe I just got a bad hit on it. Sounds like something I would do. Come on, you bastard. Come here. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no. This is some weird wizard thing. Hit with stick, hit with stick. Yeah, your magic is no match for my pointy stick. And all that kerfuffle, the deer got away. Oh, I mean, it's so old. Why do I say words like kerfuffle? Wait, I'm in the black forest. No, I don't want to be in the black forest. It was like, oh, you should prove your worth first. I'm like, I'm not even meant to be here. I can't follow directions. That's how unworthy I am. I came to this place by accident. I was chasing a deer. There I go again, alerting the entire forest with a clap of my ass. You know what? I sleep. I be less of failure in morning. Positive thinking and all that. Yeah, that's right. The spear stays on during sleep. Day three, we can do this. We can do it on day three. Three is lucky number. No one, deer head. Give me the deer head. Why is my English just breaking down the longer we play this? Where are you coming from sometimes, buddy? I'm just out of nowhere. God, those things are strongly almost killed me, the feckers. Now I feel weak. I'm always supposed to beat the boss if I can't even beat them. I'm going to keep an eye out for some boars because if I get two more leather, I can make a bow. And that might be a good shout. That's the deer from earlier. You are not getting away this time. I've followed you for so long now. Like I cannot give up. You're my Moby Dick. Damn it. Oh, I threw my spear at him. And then his little thugs came out of nowhere. He's crafty. But I won't let you get away. No, no, no, no, no. Where did he go? There he is. Come here. Yes, we did it. We did it, everyone. The boars are still chasing me. They're not giving up either. Fortunately for me, I wanted to kill you anyway. Oh my God, maybe I don't. He's fecking strong. Jesus, dude, relax. OK, Jesus, I just about got him. That was close. But I should have enough leather for a bow now. Look how good my throwing is. God, I got him in one. Damn it, I ruined my one badass moment. And I got a dear trophy, yes. Oh, an outhouse. Well, most true men, I'll take that. Probably not hygienic, but I'll take it. Wait, what is this? Lore about boars? I don't want to know your lore. I don't want to feel bad for you. Me and the boars have been at war since as long as I can remember. Crude bow, I'll take it. Oh my God, I have 17 meat? Oh, they are going to be extinct. OK, time to try this out. OK, didn't work at all. Hold on. OK, they shoot a bit odd. I think I can get used to this though. There we go. And a one shot again. Please give me your head. That's all I want. Fex it. Tweedledee and tweedledome over here following me around the place. Will you feck often? Oh, now I'm fecking quickscope when I'm doing a roll. That's a double kill. Please give me your head. That's all I want. Is that too much to ask for? Because it seems like it is. Oh, look at this, dear. I found the big one. Get out of the way. Let me kill your mother. God damn it, your mother got away. I hope you're happy. You see what happened now? Your actions of consequences. Oh, I wish I settled here. I found an even prettier spot. Yes, I'm getting better. Not saying much, but you know. There we go, another one down. Please? I'm never going to get it, am I? I already have it. Oh my God. How long have I been wandering around here? And I had it a whole bloody time. But not to worry, because now I am good to battle the boss. And I'm pretty close to him, I think. I mean, we seem to be getting along well anyway. I'd call him a friend. All right, the summoning place of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Offer, offer heads. You make the sacrifice. How do I equip my shield? I probably should have figured this out first. Okay, I got it. I'm excited for this. I'm scared of this. Okay, wait, no, I thought he was taller because he was up on the rock. This isn't too bad. Then again, I haven't been struggling with just regular deer. It's intense, but I think I can manage it. I'm just kind of, oh, it's okay. That hurts. I feel cold. I feel no pain, just cold. I think I'm trash talking to deer. Did I feel a little chill as he gets smashed by lightning? Ooh, yeah, that hurts, that hurts, all right. You were out of arrow. No, the game's English is breaking down now also. Okay, I got to try this with a melee weapon. I'm stuck, I'm stuck. Oh, no, this isn't good. Where are my clothes gone? Yes, it blocks, it does what shield does. Okay, this is much easier. What was it? Okay. I'm dead. It's a little gravestone, it drops for him. Oh, that's sad. Let's see if I can run back there maybe. Oh, heck, it's far from my spawn. I hope my things don't despawn on me. I got cold from leaving my food on there. God damn it, okay. I guess I'll just run back. A small part of my ability is an items drop. Oh, God damn it. Oh, I was definitely holding too much stuff. I just, I was committed, I thought I could do it. And I feel like if I used the shield from the start with the spear, I actually would have done it. My stamina's so low now and everything, I didn't realize how much it had improved. Oh, just as I had thought, he's still spawned in. Oh, dear. I love how that pigeon is just fecking sitting there. Can you not hear the rock music, dude? Run. Items recovered. I got some. Okay, this'll do. Wait, I got like all of them. A perfect sake, he's brought one of his little bodies along now as well. He's just following me along. Oh, God, I'm in the heat of this epic boss battle and all, but all I can think of, I have 20 bones of meat on me and where are they? I have no pockets or anything. Not that keeping meat in your pocket would be much better, but I'm just concerned. This is kind of pathetic. I just keep walking around. I know this isn't very heroic, but I'm like attempting to run away a little bit. I just, I need to retreat, I feel. No, he doesn't like that plan at all. He just, ah, continues to run after me. Now I'm on two health. Oh, Jesus, this might sound ridiculous. And frankly, it is. But what if I try to drop a tree on him? Come on. Oh, it's day four of Marvelous. Oh, Jesus, he nearly dropped the tree on himself there. Oh, God, Dammit, he got me again. He's too good at what he does. Killing me. There's that pleasant rock music again. That sounded like a pissed off old neighbor or something. I don't know whether this is the best or worst idea I've ever had, but I'm bringing him closer to my spawn. So if I die, I can just come right back. Okay, we're pretty much here. All right, now you'll fight on my home turf. Ow, stop it, I'm not ready. Hold on. I tried the tree thing again. It's not working. I think I did hit him with it, though. I don't know why I always choose to make things so much harder on myself than they need to be. So this is my house. I, you know, it's not much, but it's home to me and I like it. Okay, you're being a bit of a rude guest. He destroyed my fecking fire. Oh, God. Oh, no, he's destroying my entire house. Okay, maybe I should have just been throwing it all along. This is actually working pretty nicely. I'm just too fast for him now. All right, I'm sorry, dude, but you're gonna have to wait a second because I need to fix my weapon. So just give me a moment. I think you just confused him to the point that he might let you. Oh, don't repair hoe. Oh, he's destroying my house. Bad. Bulls. All right, you may have killed me, but Dany, I'm right behind you. What's it doing? Why is it loading? Does it always load? Okay, it does, maybe. I was wondering, I was like, is it gonna try and figure out a different place to spawn me? Because I literally brought the boss to my bed. Sounds creepy. All right, well, the plan failed miserably because he didn't spawn next to my house at all. He just ran off back home after killing me. He doesn't hold a grudge like I do. Oh, there he is. Hey, dude, it's me from earlier. We know each other. Remember? Come back. He doesn't even wanna fight me. He's like, dude, come on. This is just embarrassing for everyone. You know what? So far, like in the spear strategy, just throwing it over and over again. It's working out really nicely. Come on, one or two more hits. Yes! Kevin wins. Oh, no correction. Five Kevin's win. There we go. Answers the age-old question. How many Kevin's would it take to beat up a moose? It's five. Maybe six. Really? I was looking for you guys earlier and you were running away and now you're practically hugging me. You won't go away from me. Nothing happens. What do you mean nothing happens? I got you. You're offering your fucking trophy. Offer it to the... I'm supposed to go into the stones. Oh, God damn it. God damn it. I was just there. Okay, here we go. Can I use it? I'm gonna use this trophy on this thing. There we go. Activate power. Yes, I've done it. What? The power of... What? They gave me some godly power. I just wanted to make a pickaxe. I read online that I would be able to make a pickaxe. I don't want godly powers. All right, but you know what? I am very happy I beat him. I think we'll end it there. Very fun game. I hope you enjoyed. Let me know if you want to see more. Thank you so much for watching. I appreciate you and hope to see you tomorrow. Bye for now.