 And to be honest, I don't think it's funny that thousands and thousands of kids are dying of starvation in third world countries. It's wildly insensitive. It's not really anymore. Are we fucking live, man? Yeah, but not in all countries. There's a few blocking us today. Russia. Russia is blocking us or something. Perhaps Canada. Yeah, Canada. Canada probably definitely. Canada likes to block things, doesn't she? Just getting ready for Ronda because guess what? Oh, wow. Yeah, we filled up. We bought a pink wallet filled it with just the most fucked shit. And we handed it in at the pub where Ronda calls and Arnold Fein called last week and Ronda's going to call up and some of her money is going to be missing. There's like a shitload of condoms and like tampons and just fucked shit in there, man. Did you open the condoms or did you just leave them in that packet? No, less than a packet. So we should have had three in there. Yeah, I've been two sides. It's like sexual assault or something, Matt Brown. Yeah, a bit of stuff. Sexual assault, maybe. All right. I went to the good exactly right, Bosley. That's exactly right. What's he barking at? There was a child outside of my house taking photos of me. Bullshit. About 20 minutes ago. A child in your yard. Not in my yard, on the corner of my yard, taking photos of you. Did you pose? No, no, he said hello. I said hello back. Speaking of posing, we had a little photo shoot today, Matt Brown. I saw Bosley. Hey, Bosley, shut up. Shut the fuck up. We had a little photo shoot for CB Inc. They're going to put us on a billboard above their tattoo parlor. They're the guys who did our feet tattoos. That's hot. That's at Lutwich, isn't it? That is correct, Matthew Brown. Yeah, near my, well, somewhere I frequent. Oh, Rub and Todd Cunt. You go there for pizza and Rub and Todd Cunt. No, I was going to say I live near there, you fuckwits. Yeah, you live near Rub and Todd Cunt. That's where I get my groceries. Anyway, also went to get back to the cardiologist today, got a bunch of test results back. So he sorted a term and the, yeah, my adrenal glands are a bit overworked. And he recommended that I get on medication. I said, give me another fucking month, Cunt. Give me a month to get it down. What blood pressure medication or something for your adrenals? Blood pressure medication. Okay, so they determined that there's nothing wrong with my kidneys or fucking my renal or any of that or my heart, which is good. He thinks it's just genetics, but I disagree. I reckon I'm going to be able to get it down without fucking medication and he's given me, I was low on potassium, Matt. Low on potassium. You know what that is? Which stops. Salt, bananas. Which stop? Well, it's in bananas. It's in everything. It's a mineral. It's a mineral. Yeah, heaps. I don't know why it's low, but anyway, it stops. It absorbs the adrenal shit in your body too. So he thinks that that'll help. So I've got to get that up and fucking, I've got a month to get it down. So no piss, just a little bit of weed, not much Matt Brown. Just a little bit of flicker, little flicker of it. And we'll see one month from now. We'll fucking see. And who knows if I have to go on medication, then so be it. There's a possibility. The people that are on those meds, do they live a happy life? I don't know. I'll have to look into it. But like he said that my blood pressure, it's not like crazy high. The average was like 145 over like fucking 80 or something. That's not too bad. It's not too. And when I'm asleep, it goes like 126 over 70. So you say your body's not absorbing potassium? No, it needs potassium to absorb the adrenal shit that makes my heartbeat hard. All right. So you need to up your potassium. It's bananas, but I eat a lot of like she does bananas and shits. But he's given me a prescription for a supplement. You need a prescription for potassium at the supplement because you can owe D on it. He said, really? So I'm going to have just one a day. Yeah, of what? Of this potassium mineral. It's like it's like zinc. It's like magnesium. It's also minerals, but I have to have potassium. But you have to have a script for it. Because if you have too much potassium, you can die. Can you get high? No. No, it's not like a drug. It's literally a mineral, but it's just they have to have a prescription for it. And also last week, I saw your comments wanting to know what the love, the little potion that the chiropractor gave me, what's in it and what it looks like. So I thought I'd just bring it on and show you guys. Now, this hasn't cured my blood pressure. I just need to be clear. This hasn't cured it. It has helped though. Pretty a fair bit, but my blood pressure still goes high. And I'm not in no way recommending that this should should fucking take over medication or that this will a hundred percent work. I am though. This worked for me well for me. Okay. It's called it's literally called love essence. Okay. I'll read you the ingredients essence prepared by the bio energetic imprint of a tractor loads root, Romania roots, burdock root, couch grass leaf, astragalus root, star of Bethlehem, rock rose, olive, mimulus, cherry plum, aspen, router, gravus, fresh plant in a 25% cane alcohol solution. And there it is. It's a little green bottle with a little fucking squirt on top. And you just fucking like this. You just suck it up. You're only meant to do a few drops under the tongue. All right. So a little bit. It's very hard to get. So I'll give you a little bit if you drop a little tickle a few little drops. And it just calms your adrenals down and it's full of fucking natural shit. So there you go. Everyone there. I'm holding up to the camera. If you want to see what it looks like, that is the cure for kidney disease. No, well, it's definitely no. That's for your adrenals to calm your fucking adrenals. Can't you don't give them false diagnosis. Can't they could die. They lost in a hand. So yeah, good news today. I guess it's good news medically that it's not something fucked. It's just I have high blood pressure and it's not that high. But he said if I don't address this by 50, I could be having strokes. That's pretty fucks. That's 18 years. I could be having strokes. He said already. So fucking if your blood pressure is high, higher than mine. You've probably only got to like 40 before you start getting fucked. And if you cause irreversible damage to your heart, walls and shit, then you're fucked as well. So go and get it looked at. Come dress it right. You're a dress down heaps. There was a comment about that. So we'll address it in the questions. All right, let's do that. The fear comment. Is that the one you're talking about? How scary it was getting getting when I thought I was going to die. No, no, someone said that their partner is going through the same thing. Yeah, I replied to that. I think we should address that. Yeah. On the fucking question. So I'm count. Yeah. Just write your address down heaps. Somebody said something interesting as well in the, in the comments. I know you're going to be against this, but is there any chance that that little potion is just, and how you're feeling better is just a placebo effect. Yeah. I saw that comment too. And how do you think about that? And no, I don't think it is a placebo because it, it works. It gets my blood pressure down every time. And if it, if, if the placebo, if there's something wrong that was making my heart beat really hard, there wouldn't be such thing as a placebo. If I had kidney disease and I thought I was going to get better, I wouldn't get better. I'd still have kidney disease and my blood pressure would still be through the roof. So the fact that placebo effect is even an option and placebo effect would work on me proves that there's nothing terribly wrong with me and that something like that would help. Does that make sense? I think so. So take that, Steve Jobs. But yeah, no, this is, it's, it's, I'm not saying it's like a miracle cure. Saying it fucking helped me a lot and it continues to help me a lot. I've nearly gone through two fucking bottles of the cunt. How much is she? It's not much. Like I don't know, $70 or some shit. I don't really look at it. Can you OD on it? No, you can't OD on it. You just fucking piss it out if you have too much. Fair enough. It's just natural roots and shit. You have to up your water intake to clean yourself out of it? Sorry. It's just, it's like roots. It's like having a carrot. Sorry. Have a carrot. Same thing. Talk to Michael about carrots. Can't have carrots. So yeah. Anyway, that's that. We have fixed Marty's sword. Well, yeah, I got a month to get it down even further so that I don't have to go on medication. He did want to put me on medication, which sucks. I want to be on blood pressure medication. You're not doing that. We'll find a better way. I don't believe in that. I think my mom's on it and she's, you know, for your age, I feel like you can beat it. You shouldn't. You shouldn't have to take a bunch. Yeah. I'm confident that I can beat it now too. Now that I know that there's nothing fucking inherently wrong, there's no organs shutting down or my heart's not fucking leaky valve or some shit. I reckon I can just fucking because he said a genetic here thinks it's just a genetic switch from lifestyle. So my fucking fucked up life has just switched this genetic switch and now I have high blood pressure. So I reckon I can turn it back off. Can't. Yeah. Well, turn it back off. I don't know if that's how it works, but that's how I think it works. Probably. I think if you dedicate your diet and you change. Yes. Stick to it. Yeah. Continuing the no alcohol and just a bit of weed here and there and then just eating clean as fuck. I've been eating a fuckload of meat again. I saw some people commenting about the carnival diet. I've been looking into the carnival diet and fucking hell. I've started upping my meat intake and I got to say feeling better. You're mixing it up. It's all just red. No. It's mostly just like a really good quality steak beef. I can't. It's a beautiful cow. Yeah. I know. I feel the same. But like if it's going to, if it's between me or the cow, I choose me every day of the week. Every fucking day of the week. You fucking normally. I've lived like that my whole life with cows. You fucking dog. That's true. And that's our shit talk today. Nothing else has really happened, has it? Oh man. I'm just going to say that you had a tough day out the front today. Oh my God. I just remembered right now the video that is out on the website. Okay. Oh no. Okay. Before we even like, I just, this is probably the most fucked video that we've ever made. Michael mentioned it. I'm not. You wait dude. Julian and Jackson were on a date. I'm okay with it. Everyone's making a big deal about it. You guys are fucked. It's because I felt, I felt shame, genuine shame after and I don't think I'd be comfortable showing that to mom, to mom, to any of my family members. Yeah. I don't think I'd be comfortable showing a lot of like outfits to those sort of people. But if you just choose to not think about it, just don't think about it. It's like, we may as well just fucking. Dude, don't be fans. You know what I mean? It's fucked. Okay. Michael and I had to make Jackson and Julian vomit on their date and Michael just really stepped it up. Really hard. Anyway, it's out. Now I don't even, we had to ask, we had to warn the members as warnings all over it because this is probably the, out of all of the most fucked shit we've done. Yeah. That's why I guess I'm. I'm not sorry for what I did. A bit of shame involved with that one. I'm not sorry. It's fucking like some of our best work. It is, it is funny, but then it just, I don't know. There's just the point, the reaction. Everyone's reaction. Everyone just sort of fell silent. Everyone sort of like, really killed the mood. Yeah. Julian was like, I can't stand character. This is just too, like, legit had to leave. He did not. Yeah. He was just like. It really snapped into like. I couldn't do it. He couldn't do it. How did Jackson go? He was like, he had to leave. Yeah. Jackson would stay, but just everyone was just quiet. There was no laughter. It was just like. I must say, okay. I did feel like it was one of those scenes like where you want to go to your friends. Like, are we all good? I felt like we'd been raped. I felt like I was raped. I would have laughed and ran into the corner. At least violated. Like it was, it was funny, disgusting most of the video. And then the very last. Yeah. The last part felt a bit wrong. Yeah. Just sick about that. Yeah. I wish I didn't. I wish I just let you. I remember you hesitated. I was like, I was sort of expecting it and nothing came for a bit. And then like, finally, and I just looked. I know when Marty's sad and I could see in his eyes. He was pretty sad. I didn't want to do it, but I did. I pissed the shit off his face, man. I pissed it off his face. I don't want to know. Sorry, dude. And it's not. Did it all come off? No. No. No, we're near. It was cake throughout your beard. For at least an hour. You walked around. Yeah. I didn't really have a shower straight away. Did I? Oh. Anyway, so we've been filming a lot and it's gone. We're good. We got James on board. We're getting shit done. We're fucking, fucking, fucking baby and fucking. That's our shit talk hunt. Let's talk about our sponsors. Sponsors. Sponsors. Sponsors. All right. Let's do it. Let's do, you know what? Let's do this. The VPN first. All right. They deserve to go first once manscaped. All right. Just fucking calm down, manscaped. We're gonna, we're gonna switch around every now and then. All right. What is VPN? You've got competition now, buddy. Okay. So one of our sponsors is Nord VPN. Okay. If you want a VPN, Nord VPN is the best fucking VPN that you can fucking have. Okay. All of the security. No one can hack your shit. No one can track you. Matt. So Matt doesn't want you to get this because he loves to track. He loves to find. He loves to hunt and stalk. Nord VPN would stop Matt from aggressively hunting you. He wouldn't be able to. Plus you can get entertainment from anywhere in the world. Right. And, and. Let's be honest. Australian Netflix is shit. Yeah. Apparently the US, US Netflix is much better. Okay. Switch to that. And then you can have a field day. Okay. So if you want this VPN, you can grab your exclusive Nord VPN deal by going to NordVPN.com slash fully actual or use the code fully actual. All the one word. To get up a huge discount off your Nord VPN plan. Plus one additional month for free. Oh my God. That's not even all Matt Brown. That's not it, buddy. Plus one bonus gift. It's completely risk free with Nord's 30 day money back guarantee. So that's the thing. Right. They're so confident. You're going to love it. You get the, you get a free 30 day trial. If you don't like it, they give you the money back. So there's no risk that you're going to get fucked. I've got it now. I haven't used it yet because it's, I'm not very techie, but I will. And I'll tell you guys how fucking good it is. And you will use it because we get to use it for free because Nord VPN is so cool. And all it costs is a fucking cup of coffee a month. Okay. One cup of coffee a month. That's crazy. A small price to pay for premium cybersecurity and access to vast amount of entertainment content. I want two of them. Okay. So Nord VPN guys, they're, they're supporting us by sponsoring the podcast. So please, if you want a VPN, just fucking give them a red hot crack. Let us know. Let us know how good they are in the comments. Please. I genuinely want to know if they're good. Cause if please let us know. If you want to buy it, it helps us out to have sponsors for this podcast. And we can do cool things like, like Bachelor Brown, like hand in fucking wallets. I could be around more to set up bigger prank balls. Yeah. Matt could be around more. We could have more time to set the podcast up. Anyway, enough about that. Nord VPN. If you want to fucking VPN, Nord VPN is the best. They sponsor a lot of. Yeah. They're actually quite big. They are very big. And do you know why they're very big Matt Brown? Why? Because they're very, very good. Nord VPN. So the link will be in the description on YouTube. And if you don't have the description, it's NordVPN.com slash fully actual or use the discount code fully actual. All one word. Get one today. Get one today. Onto our next fucking sponsor, fucking Manscape Cunt. Do we fucking go the Manscape Cunt? You fucking use this shit yet, Brown Cunt? No. Yeah, I didn't take one. You fucking cunt. I used it this morning. And it was great. Well, not that this. You use the shaver this morning. Look how good your beard is this morning, man. Yeah, I'm going. Michael shaved himself for a photo shoot today. And let me tell you, the Manscape shit is very good. I don't go to the barber anymore, Matt. People were commenting on your current facial hair. Yeah. I don't know what I'm doing. He's lost. But anyway, Manscape.com for all your mail grooming needs. If you want 20% off, just use our discount code fully actual 20. And you get 20% off whatever you need to buy. Shavers, deodorants, fucking shampoo, body wash. They got all sorts of cool shit. Really cool shit. They got the nose hair remover. Oh, that's my favorite. That's my favorite, too. That's my fucking favorite. I had hairs coming down to my mouth from my nose. Matt. I always found myself pulling them out with my hands. Yeah. You did do that a lot. It always hurt you. And your eyes with water heaps. No more! Manscape.com, fully actual 20 for 20% off. And of course, everything here you see is funded by the University of Mark. Our subscription website where Michael smears shit on his face and I piss it off for a video. We post weekly videos that we cannot, of course, nowhere near post to social media. They are fucking fucked. They are super painful and violent. They are disgusting. It's fucking awesome. 21 day free trial. You can see if you like the content before you have to start paying. If you don't like it, you can leave free a charge. Fucking link in the description. Can't. 21 days free. Can't. Too. Over 200 videos now. That's a lot, man. Man. That's like a good effort and no one can fucking remove them. Yeah, they're there for good. We just had a Studio 71, the guys who help us on our Facebook keep it monetized, sent through a list of like 50 videos that they want us to remove because they could, Facebook could remove them randomly and then we'd be demonetized. 50 of our videos can't. They're already tamed down social media videos. I'm so done with so much of that. The ones you've been taming down to avoid. Yeah. Yep. Since we started on Facebook. We have a kids channel now. Children's entertainment. Everyone's like, Oh, you guys are fucking changed, man. It's like, no, we haven't. We've gotten far more fucked. You need to just go to the website and see. We can't post. We want to post the social media, man. I'm pretty shocked. I'm pretty sure. That was cute. I like that. I'm shocked that they've sent you 50 videos. They want you to remove. I'm taken back. Yeah. That's all I did. I saw the email and I stood up and took one big step back and lifted my hands like that. I said, I'm not dealing with this right now. I said that out loud. James. Literally. Yeah. He scoffed so loud and we were out in public and everyone turned around was like, what the fuck is he scoffing at? I got some attention that day. I'll tell you that much. It was so wild. Anyway, that's the end of all the boring shit. Now let's get into the fucking grunt guts of the podcast. I think it is time before we get into the Bible and the brown diary for a bit of bong break. BONG! Oh, stiff neck. Oh, stiff neck. Holtz. I mean, Holtz tut wer man. Was, was, was, mustnir. And we're back. All right. We just realized. We just realized, everyone, that we have to do the bachelor brown segment right now because Matt's potential future wife. Right. It is a wife right now. She's leaving where she's, she's going. She can't talk to us in like 15 minutes. So we have to call her. Do you love her, Matt? Right now. Just fucking ring her. Do you want to know her name or not, Brown? No. Well, I'll tell you her name is Kirsty. Wow. That is a good name. Yeah, I can tell by the nod that he's like, yeah, fuck yeah, cunt. Do you love her? Fuck yeah, cunt. Just ring her. Oh, here we go, baby. Do you love her? Her name is Kirsty. Just ring her. Look, this, okay. Before we ring her, just Matt, just try it. You always freeze up and get real awkward and shit. Just be yourself. Do you understand? Have a normal conversation with her. She's a human being. It's nothing to be scared of, Brown. Push for phone sex. God, yeah. See what you can do with this one. All right, my flag. La, la, la. La, la, la. Out. Just ring her. All right. Here we go, my babies. Oh, this is it. This is the moment, Brown. This is lady number four for you, my Brown. Oh, please. Hello. Hello. How am I speaking with Kirsty? You might be. Oh, well, well, well. My name is Marty. And you're on the Marty, Michael, fully actual podcast. And right to my left. Yeah, we're very, very, very, very happy that you answered because we have a very excited Matt Brown next to us. He's all shaky. He was standing up before and doing a little dance with his feet outside thinking, oh, this could be the one. This could be the one. Yeah, he shook back and forth. He'd be mincing, yeah. He'd be mincing churning for sure. But we just wanted to give Matt an opportunity to woo you with his charm. So Matt's going to just talk to you about some stuff and just try and sort of get to know you a little bit over the next minute or so, Kirsty. So I'll pass it over to you, Mr. Brown. Let's see what he's got to say here. Charming. Be charming. Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck her. Hey, Kirsty. Hi, Matt. How are you going? I'm good. Tell her you love her. I'm pretty impressed with your recent work in the video, you know. Oh, I got so sunburnt from the little hat I wore. Yeah, yeah. No, well, I actually had a really good arm, a good one for that whipping experiment because I did CrossFit. Oh. And we were doing skipping yesterday and I hit myself, I don't know, because I can't skip. But I hit myself on the arm and I've ended up with a big, nice mark like Marty had. Nice. Hit him with the whatever. Oh, so much in common. So much in common. Build on that. Build on that, Brown. Where are you from, Kirsty? Oh, that's pretty good. I'm from New South Wales, so Blue Mountains. Blue Mountains. That's close. It's the Blue Mountains, Matt. That's like around the corner. You're all the poor and they're like mountains. So much in common. Come on, Matt, close it. Tell her you love her. Fucking tell her you love her, dude. Tell her what you're feeling. Tell her what you're feeling is awesome. Actually, no, I got it. I got it. No, if we were actually going to go on a date, what would our first date be? He's getting confident. I think, you know, I know you like to stalk and stuff like that, so I reckon we should just watch the neighbors. Oh, yeah. That's not bad. That is a very good answer, Kirsty. Anything that you would like to say to our Brown to try and stand out? Because there's quite a few. Are you a mum? Bachelorette's lining up for him. Everyone has been a mum so far. Everyone's been a single mother so far, Kirsty. Are you also? Yeah. I'll look. You know what? I am. He loves kids. He loves kids. My kids are getting older. I can just leave them and I can go to Queensland. She ditches the kids. That's always a good sign of a good, a nice mum. That should be your Tinder profile. I'll ditch my kids if you need. That along with comrade or something like that. She sounds like she could be the one, maybe. She says so lovely. Now, Kirsty, if you continue to get to know Matt, would you be open to it at the end of the season? No, it's coming up. No one's coming here. Coming up for our season finale, and meeting Mr Brown in person. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that. All expenses paid. Moving in. Stop. I have got my bags packed. Oh, that is so... That's good news, guys! All right, that's perfect. Well, let me pass your details on to Mr Brown. He will follow you on his personal Instagram, and you two can just have a chat, and good luck with it. I really wish the best for you, guys. Matt, are you excited? It's nice to chat to you all. Matt, say something nice to finish with. Say something nice! It was nice chatting to you, Kirsty. Oh, boring! Boring, Matt! God! Tell her you love her. I'll speak to you soon, Kirsty. Getting feelings. Matt, tell her you fucking love her. Thank you so much, Kirsty. Appreciate your time. No worries. Bye, boys. See you later. Bye, Kirsty. Kirsty. You... You just got married. Stop! Dude, it is exciting. What was you fucking doing then? That is exciting. Holy shit, dude! Do you love her, you reckon? That is not a... Shut up! Shut up! Wait, how's the other ones been gone? Had the one from last week go? Sammy? I don't have any contact stuff from her. No one sent me anything. If she followed me, I didn't pick it up. You are so fucking annoying, man. I'm going to message them all right now. Not all of them. Not all of them. Just fucking Instagram, Matt Brown. What? Matt Brown and Four Ones. I need to change that. I thought you were going to make me a new one. Matt, why have you got Four Ones? Because that was what was available. Okay, look out for... This Instagram, okay? She's going to follow you. You fucking talk to her. Do you understand me? I know who this is. I've seen her comment before. Wow, they've already been speaking. They've already been speaking. He's had an eye on her already. She actually is very lovely. He's been watching her. She's before Brown. She's the one. She's also got a child, Brown. They've all got children. Love children, Brown. And Sammy and the other girls, you have to continue to talk to the Brown, okay? Don't give up. He's put this wall up because he doesn't want to get hurt. It's okay if everyone gives up. Honestly, I'm sick of seeing him so sad and so down and alone and nothing to do but just watch hours of porn. Intense porn. He has to pay. He has to pay because his tastes have gotten so fucked. Please, just continue to talk to him. He's a nice person at the very center of him. There's a shack of niceness in the very, very middle. Everything else is just freak. It's like deep in a liver. You have to water the seed. There's a little seed of love in him and he's just fucking following us around. Oh, it's ready to like grow. Like good. Fuck, man. Fatherhood and Kirstie will do it. I don't pay for porn though. Okay. Okay, well that's good. It's not that bad yet. Still, I'm pretty sure Kirstie's the one. Man, would you agree? You guys had like a weird energy chemistry. Both like whipping. She had jokes and you were laughing. He was laughing. She did say. Genuinely laughing. Yeah. Not your polite laughter. That was real life. Real brown chuckle. Oh, yes. We'll fuck it. We found the one. We don't even have to do the comp anymore. We'll just move her up here. You said that. No, no one's coming up. No three at the end of the season. No one's moving in with me. I reckon Matt isn't. I'm not going on behind the wall, listen to sounds and pick one. I'm not doing it. I think Kirstie is in number one position at the moment but purely because the other girls haven't continued to crack at the wall. Keep going girls. Keep messaging. I think I was meant to message Sammy. Is that what that? Yeah, yeah. You got to fucking. I don't have that. It goes both ways. But at least it's getting better. After this, I'm going to give you a fucking Instagram. Sammy, come on. Message him. You see all your requests in your Instagram, right? Oh, yeah. I'm on top of that. There you go. Message him. Matt Brown, one, one, one. I've got to change that now. It sounds horrible. Four of the number ones. Yeah, that's a terrible. I'm sure we're getting closer to finding you the one, which is exciting. You said this wouldn't work. So it's not working. We're five episodes in and we've found a bunch of very lovely eligible ladies whom have children. So you will never starve. The children. They can eat the children. Help them by the ankle. Oh, no, bro. No, bro. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This day. Oh, thank God we're there. Bachelor of Brown ladies, if you want to talk to Matt Brown, message them at Marty and Michael Instagram account. Okay. Can you stop putting stories of if you want to date Matt Brown? Why don't you message? Sometimes we don't have enough numbers. It's not funny. It's embarrassing. I'm like, okay, go on. Hey, have you seen this? Just tell them that we're doing it as a joke. Yeah, I've said as many things to, you know, reflect the when they show me. He's sweated on me. It's okay though. It's going to, it's going to help you find the one. You will laugh about this at your wedding. But anyway, any goals out there interested in dating Matt DM the Marty and Michael Instagram account with your number and be available on Tuesday afternoons. All right. Or evenings because that's when we do this year, baby. I'm Mr Brown everybody on this day. On this day in 2021, Putin was playing with Joe Biden on a playground during a visit to the U.S. Putin even brought along his favorite toy, a big Spider-Man figurine that he got for his 50th birthday. Putin shared his toy with Joe and Joe excitedly ran around the sand pit playing with the Spider-Man. He had other toys, but wanted his Spider-Man toy back after seeing the joy in Joe's eyes. Joe said, just a few more minutes, Putin. I'm in the middle of a fight scene with a Spider-Man. And Joe threw the Spider-Man up in the sky. It fell and hit the ground hard. Putin rushed over to it. One of the hands from the Spider-Man figurine had snapped off. Putin filled with rage. You owe me a new Spider-Man, Joe. Have one of my Batman's, Putin. Stop being so uptight. A Spider-Man is a shit. You will pay for this, Joe. Joe shrugged and started playing with some toy cars. Ever since that fateful day, Putin has only ever requested that Joe rightfully give him a new Spider-Man. Tensions grew, and Putin finally invaded Ukraine because there were some Spider-Man figurines there. He will not stop until Joe gives him a Spider-Man. Are you fucking kidding me? That's what this war is about? If anyone has any fucking Spider-Man figurine, I'm pretty sure I have some. I used to. That's crazy, man. You go to a garage sale, you'll get a bunch. It goes to show the war is never about what you think it is, right? It's fucking crazy. It's about fucking Spider-Man, man. Is that confirmed? Is that confirmed? That on this day? It's never the narrative they say. You did the spy work. You did the spy work on that. Were you there? Harvesting? Were you harvesting? Harvesting? Yeah, harvesting that day. You would have been harvesting. Harvesting. Yeah, harvesting children. Harvest them. Like the Matrix. Holy shit. That is intense. Yeah. We'll probably have this video restricted now. Everyone remember that that's just a joke, okay? Just relax. If we don't like war, and we wish everyone would just be happy and friends. Now, shake my hand, Mr. Brown, and let that be the end of it. I'm back. I'm taking back. You're being COVID safe, scoff. Hey, Michael, did you notice that Marty's been trying to get in on your footrest a couple of times? Yeah, he's sweated on me before. Look, I have the jealousy. Look how fucking wet he's legs. Yeah, my leg is drenched in sweat. It's like he's being in Germany. They're always just saturated because half of it's underwater. It's my weapon. I can just take whatever territory I want. That's what Germany does. It's my nuclear weapon. I'm just sick of you watering the room. Look at that. That's mine now. See how I did that? Yeah, that's why I didn't say it. That's why you have to impose sanctions on me. You're like a fish. Hey! Oh, you're annoying. Oh, he's been doing that shit all day. He just pokes at you, then goes really intense with his eyes, and tongue goes up and down. It's frustrating. Michael's Bible. Oh, I brought it. Thank you, Michael. Brought his Bible for once. You want to see what Michael's Bible looks like? Here it is. Oh, angelic sounds. We should record angelic sounds. But us do it together. For the segments. I'm just going to flip to a random page in the Bible. What's this? What's that, Michael? Oh, it did. We're cheating on Amber. You're cheating on Amber with that sacred knowledge. All right, I have found the verse that I would like to read. Chapter four, verse 12 from the book of Here Is There. That's a good one. Here or there may seem like different locations, but you will always only be here. There turns into here when you reach it. Therefore, there is always out of reach, and here follows you forever. Stop searching for there, because there is just here when you get there. Just accept that you are here, and there is here too. All you have to do is go there, and it will be here. Huge sparks came out when I threw a rock at the ground. Wow. And it makes sense. Stop chasing what you already have, I guess is the message there. There will always be here, because it's just eventually there. Over there is the kitchen right now, but if I walk there, that's now here. Do you get it? Do you get it? And we're all here right now, so don't even look over there, Matt. Don't look over there, Matt. What the fuck? If you tie a piece of metal to the end of your car and drive, you can at night time see light. You can see little sparks coming off that, all right? If you do that, if you tie it correctly, little sparks will shoot off into the night sky, and it will illuminate the road. It looks fucking cool. It looks fucking incredible, mate. And that's why he's Beezus. Yeah, dude. But the book's pretty cool. There you go. She starts selling them. All right. Here we go. All right. Do I dare? Relax for this. Do I dare pick up the book of... I can feel it's evil. It's so heavy with sick. It's heavy with guilt and shame. Oh, sadness. Oh, there's so much ejaculate spread across the pages. Oh, yuck. There's music. Somehow you've put music in here. Oh, yucky, yucky. Yucky, yucky. OK. All right. Yucky, yucky. I found... Matt's little black book of herbs. How many haves do you think I've had? I don't know, I haven't looked through the book. Which guesses in the comments how many haves. Yeah, that's a great idea. Why don't you comment how many haves you reckon the brown has had? We'll see if anyone's correct. We'll give you $50,000. I guarantee you, you won't be. Yeah, it's hard. Have number 37. I was volunteering at my local aged care home. I enjoyed watching the elderly struggle to do basic everyday chores, and the fact that they relied on me to help them had an aphrodisiac effect on me. It was lunchtime and I was spooning soup into a 94-year-old lady's mouth. She was incredibly brittle and tiny. She had a permanent hunch and weighed less than 40 kilos. I enjoyed feeding her. I carefully balanced the soup and slowly brought it to her mouth. Sometimes I would purposely spill a little down her chin and let it dribble onto her upper chest. The spilled soup would start to roll down her top and right before it did, I would stop it with my finger and slowly mop it up all the way back up her chest. Then I would lean in close to her and sexually suck the soup off my finger, only centimeters from her face. The extremely old lady laughed nervously and went back. Once lunch was over, I took her back to her room. The old lady had lost control of her bowels and had soiled herself. Her nappy was filled to the brim with liquid shit and had wobbled over the edge and ran down her legs. I felt my little brown stir but I pushed my lustful thought aside. I took her to the bathroom and removed her nappy. Shit sloped on the floor and it smelt of Greek corpse. I resisted the urge to dip my testicles in the mess and started toweling the shit from her legs. Oh dear, what a mess, Peter. Peter? I am Matthew Brown. Don't be silly, Peter. I know your handsome face better than anyone. It had just occurred to me that this old slag was having a dementia moment and thought that I was her late husband, Peter. I felt my blood pressure rise and my meaty body started to swell. I began sweating profusely and my urges were getting the better of me. I sensually started wiping the shit off her legs and worked my way up to her arse. Once there I pulled her saggy cheeks apart and slowly but firmly started wiping the towel, wiping the towel up and down, making sure to apply a little extra pressure as I ran over her arsehole. Oh Peter, you're still so cheeky after all these years. I quickly stood and pressed myself against her back. My mouth was right on her ear and I whispered why don't you let Peter get real cheeky, darling? Oh Peter, take me now! Consent! I screamed. I immediately started tonguing at her ear and ripped off her top. She was now completely naked and her tits hung like pool balls in a pair of stockings. I picked her up and placed her on the vanity in the bathroom. I pulled her legs apart and my little brown was already eagerly throbbing. I stabbed at her gap but she was completely dry. I looked around and saw the shit him ass on the floor. I bent down and grabbed a scoop of her shit and rubbed it all over my little brown and fingered a bit up the old lady. I moved towards it again and entered her century old box. Oh Peter! She gasped. I ripped her legs further apart and fucked as hard and fast as I could. I stared directly at her hanging tits as they violently shook around from the force of my pounding. I was getting close but slipped on the shit on the floor. I fell backwards and took the old bitch with me. My back slapped right in the middle of my shit and the old lady fell with her chest on top of mine. I grabbed her ass and continued to fuck aggressively. Shit splattered onto the walls around us and I rolled over onto the shit. I positioned the old lady into doggy position. I grabbed two fistfuls of a stretchy elastic back skin and pulled her back into me so I could feel her at maximum depth. Her breasts were hanging in the shit and I could hear the surprise in her voice at what was happening. Oh dear Peter! With one last thrust my little brown opened up and released a huge amount of mint with incredible force. I came over 15 litres of ejaculate mint. I let her flop onto the shit covered floor and disconnected my little brown from her. I placed her in the shower, scooped my mints out of her with a ladle and cleaned the bathroom. I could not believe this conquest. I truly am a king. Bow to me you fucking cunts! That raises a lot of ethical questions. Why do you tell people about it? Oh my God! Why do you have that written down cunt? You wrote that personally. That is a personal recollection man. That is fucking intense baby. Oh my God! Oh my God! Dementia man. She used shit as lube and you fucked a dementia lady while she had a momentary lapse. You fucked a demented lady. Man I don't know if we should even get that out there baby. Oh my God. Holy fuck dad shit. That was so priest. Her tits hung like pool balls in stockings. Oh wow. No they didn't. That visual representation. Can you see that? That's not what I remember. Oh man. Oh Peter! Oh Peter! Okay. Alright. That was fucking thank you. That was a good time. Before we get into the questions I believe it is BONG TIME! Brong break? Brong break. Brong break. And we're back. We're back now and everyone, Matt Brown doesn't have his headphones on yet so we can watch him struggle around in his small egg shaped chair. And he's putting on one now. Are you liking that one more than the blue one? I don't know. Is it nice being lower to the ground? Is it like more earthing? No. It's not. I feel like I'm too low. Must be a bit cooler down there. If I sit up straight and my back hits the top of it it's a bit more comfy than the blue chair. Okay. Well I'm loving it as my foot rest now. It's good. It's comfy. So comment of the week? Yes please. The cow everyone. Anyone and everyone can get a comment of the week. Okay. We have a special board Matt. I'm going to show everyone. I added zero and last week so I'm fly by that. So we choose, three of us choose the comment of the week. It doesn't have to be the most liked. It doesn't have to be the funniest. It doesn't have to be the cleverest whatever. We just pick one that we like there and then. Okay. And fucking we've picked one right? Or Michael's picked a top fucking three. Michael found one. Oh yeah that's right. We have picked one. So Matt will print this comment. If you want your comment to be comment of the week by the way just comment something funny something cool. Maybe like a little poem or something. I don't know man. Just something random. Anything can get us. It doesn't have to be the most like so don't be disheartened if it's not the most like. Yeah this one has no likes yet. We like we answer questions that are the most like though. So if you want to answer your questions then yeah they have to be well liked because that means people want to hear the answers. Anyway. Comment of the week. Goes to Ash Hole. Ash Hole. It's a creative name too baby. H-O-L-E. Hole. Yeah that spells hole. Hole. Same thing. It's like German. You sir. Your work name. Hole. Some. All right. Comment is. Only brown would get sunburned in a beanie. And last week was fucking good. If you watch last week's podcast especially towards the end because he gets more and more sunburned as we go as the episode goes. He was fucking red as come. It was very embarrassing and because of the hat it was like a perfect line across my head. Why were you wearing sunnies? I don't know. Oh man. It was the perfect hat for it. It just started out. A chef's hat that he wore. Someone commented. Website bit. It looked like you were auditioning to be in the James Bond movie. Yeah. Like the villain. With the glasses and the sunburn count. Yeah. It looked very good. Guys we've been going through Asmati and Michael and just thumbs up in your comments and replying off you. So just keep the comments coming. We do read every single one. We love our podcast comments. I sit there at night and I fucking chuckle my fucking head off gun. People are very creative. Yeah. So we have them understand how you talk and all your little oh yeah. The humor. The very specific humor. Very nice. Especially with sorry when we're like oh sorry and they go sorry. And they start to they start to pick up on that. Sorry off is good. Sorry is taking over the world man. Well yeah. Everyone needs to well that's not really paying it backwards. One of the comments was the most liked from it's manly. They said best podcast and muddy Michael nobody has the creativity or humor like these guys. So thank you for that. And that's also yeah that's a fact. So no wonder it has so many likes. It's been so fucking good. All right. We are so fucking good man. All right. It's onto the fucking questions. I can't believe how good this is. We're pretty rad. This is we are so entertaining. I tell everyone and fucking his basement with rats surrounding us. Top 10. Michael you didn't tell your rat you nearly got attacked by a rat. Oh that's right. Yeah. The destruction all the stuff that was like left over after our website video that was the most fucked we've ever filmed. I put all of that stuff in a bin and there was like obviously we spoke about it human excrement and like like urine and lots of other shit and a 50 on that. Yeah. Oh yeah. There's a $50 note in there that we sort of accidentally threw out. So he's looking for it. I was looking for it and then a rat just jumped out literally 10 centimetres away from my head. It attacked you. It was like right here you heard the scream and then I like it had to sort of dance with it because it was going from right foot to left foot. Was it trying to attack you? Yeah a little bit because I was in its path being off balance falling back and then I got out of the way came back to reality and was just so like if they bite you is that bad? You can get crazy shit. Become a rat. Plus it's sitting in shit infested fucking farms. Oh yeah. The rats are turning on him. Next time try and film him because I want to show everyone. Well yeah we went in the garage today trying to film some because they still haven't been able to infiltrate your house though. Yeah they only hit the borders. Yeah they're all around the outside. The garage the patio they have us surrounded and they're turning on you. I can't believe that. That is terrifying. The way they're talking to you it's like a full Revolution in the roof why are they not liking you? They scuttle it fucking creeps me out. Maybe they want if you let them in probably running like that probably running from the four pythons that are slithering around it would be so funny if someone accidentally left all your doors open dude I always shut them when anyone's about like I make sure they're shut because they just quickly come in of that and funneled the rats into his house. Wouldn't that be- Oh, I see what you're talking about. It's a good idea. Wouldn't that be funny if that happened one day? Yeah, that's gonna be hard to come. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, okay. Mmm, special idea come. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right, question. Yeah. Top question went to, oh, fucking names. Come on, man. Have a go, okay? Jasko or Yasco, depending where he's from. So racist. Yasco. You're racist. Depending on where they're from. It doesn't matter where people are from. Everyone's the same. We're all equal. We're all agig. No, but we're pronouncing. God, that's Arman. I'm a, I'm a ragic, I'm a ragic. Here we go. What is it, Dr. Jones? Anyway. Question is, Marty and Michael, have you ever had to cancel recording a video because of how scary or painful it is and from what planet is Matt Brown from? Yes, dude. We were talking about this the other day. The fucking, remember the magnifying glass tattoo? Oh, we wanted to do ever. And then just some videos we filmed that were just too shit to post. We played catch with mousetraps. I still have scars from that. We didn't even post it. It was so painful. I wonder if we can do it now. Yeah, and there's things like we had to cut the other day because Julian was out of character. He's like, I don't want to film anymore. Yeah, but like full videos that we've had to abandon. There's a few. There's a few that we've, there's just been like, no, this has to just, we never speak of this again. That we went to, we tried to recreate the Big Bang. Yeah, that one. We went to Bounce and Michael learned how to do a backflip. Oh, that was it. We'll post that eventually. We still might use that. Julian hates it. That was so fun. I learned my first backflip. Have you ever backflipped, Matt? Yeah. It's so fun. It changes everything. Show me. We'll do it after. On a trampoline, it's a whole different story. But yeah, I'd like to post that. The Big Bang, I want to, okay, this goes back to the Big Bang video. I've thought of a video we can do. Let's recreate the sun. So we'll buy, I'm talking so many sparklers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know this one. I know this one. See if we can recreate the sun. That's a great idea. Yeah, we will do that. We will 100% do that. That would be a great science day. It'd be like the microwave video, except for funny one. It'd be so bright. Yeah. All right. Next question is from Jirex. Depending where they're from though, right Matt? Depending where he's from. God. Could be Jirex. Matt, it's a bit of a serious one. Marty, what did you feel when you thought you might die due to your health conditions? What did you go through? What was your thoughts? Look, it is honestly fucking terrifying. It's the most scared I've ever been. It's your fucking, you think fuck, this is it. You're gone skis now, all the bad shit you've done and you wish instantly that you could redo all the dumb shit that you've done. So just, I'm not saying don't fucking party and have a good time. But I'm saying maybe just cut like Take one or two less cups. Take like 10% off the top that you usually do and just fucking chill out. Instead of doing the hard drugs, smoke more weed. Yeah, weed. You guys got weed now. Like have fun with weed. Like, but don't start smoking too early because then you end up like fucking all fucking their head and shit. Me? Yeah, only on holidays, darling. Just gesturing to, I was just, it's just how I talk. Next question is from Joshua Tiller. How do you think you'll be before you can't do stunts and experiments anymore? What's some funny shit you think you could do as an old man? I think like 50? Well, yeah, the shit we do right now but we'll be able to do other hilarious things. And also, I also do think it gets funnier. The older you get. Yeah, he adds in here, will you just be 80 year olds still drinking each other's piss bags? Exactly. Dude, imagine what you do with squirties at like 80 years old. Just be shit and blimey. Just be shit and blimey. And a bit of your cum. Oh. Oh. But yeah, the older we get, the funnier it is. I can't wait to be an old man. You just do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, it would be fun. Literally whatever you want. Imagine just falling over to scare people. Or shedding your arm on fire as an old man. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah, I would piss myself. Yeah, I saw that. Oh. You do all sorts of shit. Oh man, it would be fun. You could just eat food without using your hands, just your mouth. I'm just saying an 80 year old do that. Yeah, true. You get licensed to do whatever you want. Being old is like sort of cool. You can tell people to fuck off and shit because no one's gonna bash an old man. You kill him. You can say whatever you want, whatever you're thinking and feeling. Oh, you look fucked. Surely that wheelchair's not needed. Oh man, it does give you a license to do whatever you want. The next question is from David. Depending on where he's from, right? Where he's from. Oh yeah. What was that, Clay? What was that? Where did that come from, Afladi? Did she throw me clay? Did she throw that? Yeah, I flipped out of my ringworms. That's crazy, man. Look at that. Isn't fire weird? Like what the fuck is it? Just, it's a chemical reaction is what it is, but like, isn't it strange, Matt Brown? It's just super hot in that one little area. Let's have a comp to see who can touch it the longest. Starting now. One, two. Oh, oh, oh. Dude, that was like three seconds. I'm not gonna try and do that. Oh, please have one turn. Please have one turn. Ow. Dude, it instantly burns. I guess you can turn it off. Okay, everyone do it. Next question is from Swampbox69. Oh, Swampbox. We've all had that, depending where he's from. What would be your weapon of choice if you guys were stuck in a zombie apocalypse? A nuclear bomb? A machine gun or a nuclear bomb? No, yeah, a machine gun. You need a shelter if you've got a nuke. Or what about something that doesn't run out of ammunition ever, a fucking Julian and he's a fucking little knife? Stab, stab. Oh, true, because as soon as you run out of bullets, you're fucked. So maybe a machete. Yeah, or a really long, something really long. And you can't handle it. Quite light so that I cut handle. Still cut through them, but at a, quite a distance. Like a small sword? Quite a long sword, actually. Yeah, I'll see what I can do. I'll try and have one made. Yeah, if you want a short one. Like a fencing sword. You want something so you can hit him when you're further away. My weapon for a zombie apocalypse. I want a fencing sword, can't. I can poke him in the eyes and shit count. Don't, don't do that. You scared me. Next question is from Richard. Map around your mince seems like it's magical. Would you ever sell a sample and what would you deliver it in? P.S. Love you grubs. If you deliver it. Richard, no, I would not sell my semen. I think a good thing to contain your mince would be like maybe a uterus. You could get different animals, uteruses or women if you really want and then keep your mince in there and then that's how you would give them to people. A uterus full of mince. Yeah, that's where it thrives. Have it in like a waterized test tube, a big like container. So it's like living. And then put wheels on the bottom and then you can just give it to people. Push it around like that. Say, here's my mince. Just think about it. Take it to pie. Listen, don't make a decision now. But just think about it. We should sell his mince. How much? How much would you guys pay for a... What, in a uterus? No, probably more likely in a plastic container. You could be like a butcher. We'll have to wait for it to cool down though. It is quite hot. Yeah, it gets a bit thick and hot. Oh, brown. He's having a good time. He's spoke to a girl today. He's had another date. Yeah, dude, she's the one. He's having weekly date. Stop! Okay, here we go. Next question is from Ed Boycon. What did your partner's parents say when you guys told them what you did for work? So when you said you were social media content creators, you know, scat porn people. They knew before, like, Cosmon told them about me. And then so she told them what I did. And yeah, they were fucking heaps. Heaps cool about it. Cool. Very understanding. More so than my own family. Mum. Yeah, holy shit. I got, yeah, exactly. Very open, open-minded and accepting of it. So very good. Tick. Tick to that box. Next question is from Maas. Depending. Maas, that is triple A. Yeah, it's definitely depending where he's from. I'm not sure, or if she's from. When are you guys going to go on some alien hunting trips that you spoke of about in the past? Yeah, so sorry that we didn't even end up doing that. We're gonna do it. Yeah, oh, yeah, we are. But I don't want to give you guys a date and get your hopes up. Cos then if it falls through, then we feel bad. And what if we don't see any? We just go there for three days. We probably end up getting fucked up one of the nights. Oh, dude, absolutely. Yeah, we'd bring psychedelics, I think, and then we'd just be filming the black sky and thinking that we're seeing aliens coming. Yeah, holy shit. We wouldn't be able to, like, know if it was real. Imagine being on fucking acid out in the middle of nowhere under the stars. Terrence McKenna. Out in Chinchilla. That's the way to do it. We did it out in the fucking forest with him. Yeah, yeah, I do remember that. It wasn't quite enough so we didn't all elucinate. But you're walking around the perimeter of the house with an axe. Oh, fucking, fucking hang it out with you guys. Yeah, that was fucked. Yeah, but fun, though, because it was outside. That leads perfectly into the next question, which is from Dylan. Michael, how many brain cells do you think you've lost from all the drugs you've done in the past? I reckon it's definitely fucking slowed shit down. More than 70%. You know, that was a study, he's lost more than 70%. I can't confirm that. Blueberries heal him back. No, no, no, they only stop the further degeneration of your remaining cells. No, you can get more cells from blueberries. You've lost 70% of your brain capacity. You know, there's a new study from the UK that says, if you drink two standard drinks a day, your brain ages by 10 years across a lifetime. Holy shit. And I reckon, dude, I reckon our brains are so fucked, can't we imagine how successful we'd be if we still had the brains when we were fucking 20, can't if we hadn't done the damage from like 18 to 30. Because for certain, that stopped the quickness, the creativity, being able to talk to people. I can't like, you know, when you imagine pitchers in your head, I can't see the pitchers anymore. Our imaginations have been destroyed. I can't remember my dad or my mom, I just know I have one. Yeah, what the fuck? Close your eyes. Do me a favor everyone at home. Close your eyes and picture your mom. Can you see, is it just a flash image or is it someone that stays there? For me, it's just a flash image. I see like a blank wall. Like a tch, and then she's gone. Comment, Matt? Well, you're a good example of not drug abuse. So can you see your mom when you think about her? Yeah. Yeah, what are you thinking about? What's she doing? What's she wearing? Next question. Oh, sorry. Daniel Harrison said, can I get an update on the rats? I'm pretty sure we covered that though. Yeah, they are, they are massing. The rats are massing. Oh man. Next question is from Max Edwards. Do you guys regret the foot tattoos? No. No, I was saying today, I wish I went all the way to the end of my toes. Yeah, there's no way. Fuck, that was such a painful day. That was so fucking painful. Yeah, worst day ever. Vomited, but worth it in there. I don't regret any of the tattoos. They're just tattoos. Like it's just a fucking tattoo. Oh, it's on you forever. Yeah. So it was a heap of shit. Matt's got that nose for the rest of his life. It's beautiful. Yeah, it's a good nose. Oh, thank God. Next question of Joseph. Come on, come on, come on, depending on where it's from. He asked if you guys know much about the NFL and what are our thoughts on Tom Brady. Tom Brady returned to the NFL recently to do. Yeah. I heard about that. I used to, I used to, in my early, not even early, in my teenage years, I was obsessed with the game Madden NFL and fucking was so into gridiron before anyone else in Australia, before it was like a thing. I've never heard of Tom Brady before. But yeah, I've don't really watch it anymore. Sports star. Don't really fucking, was that a liked question? Oh, wow. There you go. Lots of people want to know. Yeah. No, we don't really follow it much anymore. We watch a Super Bowl. We'll have it on the background while we're fucking having a bit of chuckle together. All right. And the final question is from JC Pablo. Just Pablo, Matt, you don't need to put some fucking Spanish accent on it, right? That is so racist. Always. That was a bit. Just Pablo. Fuck off. JC Pablo. Fuck. Is Michael growing that mustache because he's finally making the leap to amateur scat porn? You would. Oh, fuck. I get it. This is fully porn. Oh my God. No wonder you wanted to smear that shit throughout your beard. Yeah, holy shit. Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing with this. I've just realized now, because we got the manscape shavers and I've stopped going to the barber, you can make funny designs. I just fucking realized we're grown men. We are in our 30s. And we're early 30s. What we did the other day is not right for grown men. I did not do it. I'm not a part of that. Just Matt. Come on. You've got to not think about it. Don't think about it. Yeah, I know. That's what I will continue to do after this. But sometimes it's just funny to sit down and think of a reflection. We're fucking within our 30s now. And farts are so funny. I think they never don't get funny. Really? Do six-year-olds laugh as hard as we do at farts? Yeah. As if one of their mates was getting up pulling these fucking jokes apart. Dude, think about like, we've hung out with heaps of old people before. They piss themselves when you rip a fart. Even the photographer today feel fucking legend. Michael farted and then he like felt real comfortable and he farted by the end. He let one rip and it shocked James Matt. It was so loud. So, yeah. Farting makes other people comfortable to fart. So we're changing the world. One step at a time, Mr. Brown. All you have to do is keep walking. Did you get that? No. That was heavy shit. Oh, that's a time for German hot duberge. German hot duberge. German hot duberge. Oh, it's exciting. I just realized I get to hit one of you. I get to hurt last week. Oh, he's got a mug still. Did you show that? I was like 70%. Holy shit. Oh my God. It's bruised. Is it? Yeah. Dude, they're no joke. You fucked my either bruise around the butterfly for over a week. All right. You ready, boys? Here we go. This is a German segment where I either say where I say a sentence and it's either complete bullshit, made up sounds or it is a German segment. They have to vote on what it was. Person who gets the least amount right by the end gets hit by that wooden spoon as hard as I fucking can. As hard as I fucking can. Number one. Grückwald Schlütweis. Let me try that again. Grückwald Schlütweis. No. It's not. Yeah, it's not. Oh, wait. Follow me. It is German. It is. Yeah. I say no. He says yes. It is German. It is not German. One nil to the brown town. Brown town. So I really got to warm my jaw up. Brown town. It's a foul, foul, foul language. All right. Number two. Flex the platen behind. Flex the platen behind. Oh fuck. You are doing good. There's not much Irish today. I reckon that is not German. I'm trying to fuck with this. I'm going to say it is German. One all. It is not German. Hello, hello, my love, hello my fly, hello my fly on earth. Yeah. Number three. One all. Mit fern schlafen. Mit fern schlafen. No. I'm going to go that is German. That's disgusting. That is definitely German. That's real. Put it down. It means sleep with horses. Oh wow. It is German. That is fucked up. Mit fern schlafen. What's a horse? Fert. Flap. Fert. Fert. PF. Fert. Fert. Oh fuck. I've got to pick my game up. Two one to the brown. Two one to the brown. You need to win one more. Two one to the brown. I didn't give you a chance to guess what it was. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. Number four. Number four. Two one. Mit fern schlafen. Mit fern schlafen. That's Irish. There's no way that's German. I'm going to say it is German. Gone for victory. Don't you fucking let me down. It is German. What? You are fucking with me. It is German baby. That is insane. The Germans can confirm it means frozen piss hat. Oh no. Okay. Just do it quickly. No, wait. Well, let's do the last one just for fun. What's the score? If you get this. What about if you guess it right what it means. Yeah. If it is German, then you get three points. That's if it is German and he guesses it right. Yeah, that's correct. But it could not be German. Am I on two? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying if you guess what this one means. If it is German, you get three extra points. This is where the start is. If it is German, you get three extra points. This is where the stone. Okay. Here we go. Okay. You have to say yes for your chance to win. That's how this game works. You don't reckon it is. I'm going to say yes with you because that means our scores stay the same. I'm fucking. Is that good? Is he being full fucking science? It's allowed and it is science. You have to say yes for any chance of winning this because if you say no and get it right, you only get one point, but if you say yes, you can get two. Oh fuck. If you get it right. But then I lose. You've got to guess it though. I'll guess it and say, no, it's, it's, it is German. Yeah. You've got to say yes. All right. So I will say yes as well. It is German. It is German. And Matt, would you like to care first guess of what it could possibly mean? Can I hear it one more time please? I don't know. I'm going to say I urinate on the carpet. Michael feeding the sparrows. Very close. It means play with the dead birds. Bullshit. That was close. Michael wins. That is, I reckon that's the same. Give it to him. That is the same sort of thing. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It is the same sort of. No, it's not. It is sort of the same. Play with the dead birds. And what did you say? Swim with the sparrows. Sparrows are dead birds sometimes when they die. I'd rather take the hit just to prove that you lost. No. Wait. That was, fuck, can we see the paper rock? No. I was just trying to, like, I guess grab my way out of it. Matt sort of wants to be hit. If you're upset and feel like you've been robbed I will take a hit with you. No. Oh really? Yeah. Double hit. Yeah, I'll let you get some. That's the kind of friend I just have to remember that fuck remember that friendship Oh no swing with hardness and pain You haven't been practicing your German Kill him! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Kill him! I'm sorry! Dude it sucks! Oh! Okay stop! Okay stop! Oh my god! Brown town! Look at this dude! There's goose bumps! I need a piece! Brown! I need a piece! Would you like some? Yeah Well let's not do the spot that you did it last time because that was quite... Please go flat! Let the rats in! I regret that! Let the rats in! Fuck! Oh! And that's what you boys get man! You're gonna pick up your German baby! Michael really is pissing blood right now! Yeah! My leg is still on fire! Oh! Oh look at Michael! Browns came down at a bit of an angle so it's more of a bludgeon for the brown I thought this one was more flat that one was bludgeon Alright okay there you go! Let's never... Let's do it next week! Let's honestly not talk about that next week No! I don't want to do doubles! Let's forget about that! I don't want that feeling... I want it to go away PO Box? Okay guys this is a PO Box segment where we open all the shit you guys send us to our PO Box if you want to send us something It's PO Box I'll leave that one Hey! PO Box take... PO Box 256 Tagham 4018 Queensland Australia We open everything live So send away okay? This is crazy we don't know what's in these packages Mr Brown Wow it's full Australia You opened that really aggressively Someone have a veggie mite A veggie mite A veggie mite A veggie mite What is it baby? A veggie mite lid And a veggie mite sign What does that say? That doesn't look good Dude I have no idea what that is My eyes are stinging right now Oh yeah not come Dude that's some sort of gas in that And it's getting into our lungs Have a look at that Really? Not come yeah Fuck you Oh dude this weird pen Dry hot glue It's dry hot glue Thank you Okay Someone send us dry hot glue Here you go man have a look I'm good Come on I don't want to Dude this is freaky Oh this is good This is a good little box Matt Brown Oh some games Some Xbox One games Which ones are they? FIFA 15, 14 and 16 You don't have those I don't have an Xbox So Michael will have to play it I'm not sure what's in this apart from Old FIFA games I figured you liked FIFA And I don't really care If you think they're shit Sorry You can play them If you want Don't see why Or use them To create your thing There will be better things In the future No I love FIFA That's not bad That's a good fucking package Good This is from At Andrew underscore AV underscore spotter Thank you very much Andy Thanks dude I think FIFA's awesome Actually Michael likes FIFA too What a unique and interesting box Yeah Michael fucking plays all the time now Love your phone Of course you can man And we got a GSC shirt Green street hooligans Actually it's CSC Here you go I have the shirt too I guarantee he would have just fucking Gone into his closet And grabbed out a shirt And put it in the package Good on him Good on him Here we have Oh shit That was weird Here we have a letter Okay I don't know if It's always hard to read these Because you just don't know What words there are going to be on it I'm wondering if this guy's Got something to do with concrete Dear Marty and Michael Quickly read this This is a war letter to Matt Brown Oh fucking hell Ask him if he wants to say sorry to me And he can throw the letter In the bin slash rip it up Or cut the clip And let Matt quickly read the letter And I will take it as Still war Like war with Germany And he's got some other words I can't say He's got some other words you can't say And there's another part to this Whoa it's a big letter Oh it's to address to you Matt Brown We're probably going to have to Fucking I just saw some of it I just saw some of it Have a read in silence I want to see Michael's expression Do you want me to read it? No no no no definitely not It's far too fucked We ain't fucking adding or cutting shit That's what I'm saying I haven't even read it yet Matt's being firm Yeah he is Matt's being firm with Andrew Oh this isn't Andrew though I wouldn't even know this person's name No this is the new one But I think it's the one that's been Having the ongoing battle with Matt Definitely definitely is What is he got cancer or something Matt's chuckling Imagine if there weren't even any words on it He was just looking at that piece of paper Wow there's some Can I have it? Oh yeah, read it at the end No no no I just want to show Michael some There is some real height there He really doesn't like you does he? Yeah There's some Choice words Especially on the first page It makes me wonder if he is truly angry I feel sad for you dude I feel sad for you Okay enough It's feelings That is fucked Yeah but um He's down here Yeah give us a Oh He's being firm He's being firm You could have been a photographer today If you stuck with it You could have been Phil No I couldn't because I would have been at Holson You could have been Phil taking photos of us today Having a fucking great time You would have done a huge fart and made us laugh Anyway But if I did that then we would not have a podcast Well it wouldn't be this anyway We probably would have started it even earlier To be honest with you Because you'd have all the cameras from photography And you would be um You could work around your schedule And not um Your employer schedule So let that settle in Time at the prank call Okay There's a man a couple of weeks ago That's Rhonda Rhonda Lost her wallet at a pub Proceeding hairline on Rhonda Proceeding hairline on Rhonda That's what they call me in primary school She said fuck it Matt liked that one He didn't want to like it but he liked it Oh you gay Alright so we've planted a wallet Okay Rhonda's wallet They're at the pub that we're prank calling right now So James went and dropped it off Okay so here we have Rhonda's wallet Rhonda's wallet Lost my 18 plus car We filled it with condoms and tampons So they think she's real fucked Some lube, bottle cap Bit of gum Just a real sick bitches wallet Hey I found this behind one of pokey machines In the um gaming room Alright so yeah Let's chuck it to you guys No worries So we're gonna call them now As Rhonda And Rhonda's gonna be outraged That there's some of her money's missing Cause we put 20 bucks cash in I don't think that was in the little clip That I filmed earlier today There's 20 bucks cash in there But she's gonna say that there was 50 Oh where's that money gone How stay is that All of a sudden the money's gone in there Alright here we go Oh my god dude Here we go, here we go, here we go Matt Brown you coward I haven't answered the phone So slow, it's like so hard Hey Madison how you going Look my name's Rhonda A couple of weeks ago Cause I left my wallet In the park of Israel And I was just wondering Is anyone handing in A wallet To our stylish man I've been trying to find it around the house Last week and I just kinda seem to find it We haven't found any sorry Can you please like Ask the manager or something Cause you just You can't even You don't even know Do you really Why we haven't had anything handed in sorry Can you Are you serious right now Like honestly I'm trying So like listen Hello Alright we're gonna try a different pub I'm gonna dial down the drunkenness To begin with It could be the pink Roxy wallet could be at this pub Okay we didn't Yeah this is confusing Cause there's two pubs very close to each other So we might have fucked up anyway Seriously Hey Shannon how you going My name's Rhonda I came into your stylish man Like earlier today And I've lost my wallet And I was just wondering Is anyone handing in a wallet What was your name honey I'm Saman's Rhonda R-I-N-D-I-H-H Okay give me two seconds I'll have a look around Which area were you in I think it would have been Down the park is If I can't remember correctly But I'm not 100% sure That's okay I'll have a quick look for you Okay thank you so much Seriously Hello What the fuck is that talking Is that Is that what they're doing To the elevator music They have some bitch Talking about special events huh Don't you fucking leave my bra Okay sweetie you there Hello It's the pink okay look I mean we'll adjust in case Leave me your phone number It's a pink Roxy Wall You know the brand Roxy Wall And it's got about $50 cash And I kinda need that To pay for the kids school excursion So as Saman hands in Make sure you give me a call okay Cause I will do What do you find They won't be able to go To the farm next week Do you know what I mean Yeah give me your phone number And if it turns on Of course okay let me one second I just got a phone on my phone Fucking double numbers Where's it going Hello Sorry one second Zero four Zero four Two one Three four nine Three four nine Nine five six Nine five two Two Okay it's just a bit Just I might have to come back in To let Saman if no one's calling Because I do need a wallet Otherwise I can't continue to Continue to drive It's got my license in it So I can't drive Too far without it Do you know what I mean No no that's okay If it turns up I'll call you That's great okay I might come down and have a look anyway What's it like there for dinner I was just doing a glass of Shiraz with my dinner Honey I'm just with you talking to You on the phone I think you maybe Had a couple of drinks I totally recommend not coming down Excuse me Are you saying that's a salt It was just a salt for me It really just assaulted me verbally And my uncle's studying to do Lawyer okay And if I come down there And bring my uncle down He's studying to do Lawyer okay So you need to back up Because I've enjoyed One or two glasses of Shiraz with I can't understand what you're saying hun I've said listen Closely sweetheart because this is Getting ridiculous this is going Honestly I've never been Spoken to in such a fashion You assaulted me You assaulted me You just verbally assaulted me Okay you said You said I'm too drunk To come into your Establishment and you don't Even know my name I have your name you've Given it to me on your phone number You witch I'm coming down To see my war I can't believe I can't believe the service At your house is so Shit I'm coming down like a ton of bricks With my uncle darling I'm going to hang up My uncle's coming around I have to remember the character Sometimes I'm just like in that Character it's just a one time Thing sometimes It's a demon that comes It is housed in me For a short while And then it departs Well done to that girl She handled that well She assaulted you Fuck sake Do we need Connor to bleep the hotel name Yeah bleep the hotel name That made up for I reckon the first place We're caught on to the joke The fuckers The fucking dogs They probably got the wallet and went This is fucked and just threw it out Oh Well it was so haggard looking Or maybe someone told them Like hey have you seen this You guys are on the fucking fully actual What we need to do is go to a new pub Fuck do it again And not have to call them Prior They just have the wallet Let's just leave like 10 wallets Okay so next week I can't believe the wallet thing didn't work They fucking they must be on to us But we'll fucking try again next week We're gonna do the wallet thing To a brand new pub so they won't know That we're fucking pranking them I still enjoyed that one so much Yeah that was very good You've assaulted me Oh wow She handled it well thank you for that Let me tell you You're gonna suck on my turtle Huh Oh no It's time to leave You're gonna suck on my teddies You piece of fucking cunt That's Ronda Horny I know Michael will leave you with This parting message Oh shit I guess If you step in front With your feet You always keep stepping With your feet front That's tried and tested that That's called walking and everyone does that So very powerful message We are the best We are look the best It's very clear at this point We are the best We are definitely the best We're the best, we're better than the rest That's for sure We're the best We're the best You never say it What are you too cool huh Too cool to be Grossly overconfident about our abilities We're the best aren't we We're being aggressive We're getting a bestive Best, best, best We're the best We're the best Say we're the best You can't hear it if I whisper We're the best We're the best We're the best We're the best My little brown darling We're the best The side The side pumps the blood To the tip We're the best brown