 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, men appreciate vulnerability when it's done this way, this way, this one way. Okay, really quickly before we get started, if the content here resonates with you and you've been thinking, God, I'd love to talk to a coach about a relationship I'm in and you wanna get the male perspective or you need help attracting a great guy in your life, check out the link below in the description to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Okay, men appreciate vulnerability when it's done this way, this one way. Okay, so what's interesting is I have a private group called Midlife Love Mastery and I can't tell you how many times the question about vulnerability comes up in the members group. And it's centered around typically sharing something personal to somebody that they're either beginning to date or in relationship and there's a fear centered around wanting to share something personal. And so when I began to lean into this, the fear is this element of vulnerability. In other words, the vulnerability is really the space of not feeling safe enough to know whether or not this person is gonna receive it well so they feel vulnerable to share something personal. And I think on some level that's very understandable. When we think about vulnerability, oftentimes it's gonna be the idea of sharing something personal to another human being and because you're not certain of how it's gonna be received, there's an apprehension about being vulnerable. Okay, now I want you to think about this for a second. When you're talking to your dearest friend, the person you trust the most, you're naturally very vulnerable with them because you feel safe. And so in relationship, oftentimes women feel a sense of fear of being vulnerable because they're afraid it might scare someone away. It might turn them off. It might send them running in the other direction. And I can understand why they might have that fear because oftentimes vulnerability in relationship is expressed this way versus this way. It's often expressed in expressing needs of insecurity from a place of having the other person change the way they're operating for you to feel safer in relationship. And when I say you, I'm just generalizing here, I don't take it personal, okay? But for example, I need you to call me more to let me know that you care about me. I need you to take me out more. I need you to do this, I need you to do that. So when it comes across as both a neediness and a demand on the other person, even though you might say, well, I'm being very vulnerable telling you this. Okay, I get you're being very vulnerable telling that. But if you're coming from a place of neediness from a place of fear, it's not gonna land well on your partner. It's not gonna land on well on your partner. So if you wanna shift the narrative to actually be able to be vulnerable and for it to land well on your partner, I highly recommend, first off, I recommend you buy my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? The description to get the book is called Self Love the Book. You can check it out in the description below to get the link. But I have two chapters in here that I want you to lean into. And chapter one is called Speak Your Truth, Do It With Kindness. Speak your truth, do it with your kindness. Because what vulnerability is, it's your truth. It's something that's a truth for you. It's not the truth, it's your truth. So I want you to step in to be able to use your words, use your words to speak your truth. Just do it in a kind, loving way. Not from a place of command or demand, but from a place of expressing what you're feeling. Now the title of this video was Men Appreciate Vulnerability When It's Done This Way. Well, I'm here to say that vulnerability should come from the place of the heart. Because one of the other chapters in my book is called When It's Sincere and From the Heart, you can never say the wrong thing to the right person. Bum, bum, bum, when it's sincere and from the heart, you can never say the wrong thing to the right person. Because the difference is when it's said from a place of fear or ego or expectations or demand or command or neediness, because let's recognize that what you're expressing usually is an insecurity or something very personal. And that's okay, we men can handle your fear. If you're feeling fear, you just gotta tell us that you're just, I'm feeling a fear and it's based on this, and I just want you to know about it and see if there's a way that we can alleviate this fear. That's all, that's all you're doing. But if you say something like, well, I need you to call me more often so I know you love me, well, that's A, an expectation, but that's also a deficiency inside of yourself. And if you're not familiar with the book, I've gotta reach over to get this. It's called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. I highly recommend getting this book after you get my book, because it's gonna help you learn to talk to those voices in your head to help you be able to express yourself in a more loving way. And if you really wanna do a deeper dive in learning how to express your feelings, then I highly recommend you get the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, okay? This is a great book to learn to teach you how to express yourself from that heart-centered place. How to express yourself from that heart-centered place, because when vulnerability is expressed from a heart-centered place, it's gonna land a lot better than if it's coming from a place of need, a place of expectation, or a place of fear. And a high-value man, a high-quality man, an emotionally mature man, whatever you call it in your life, will actually appreciate your vulnerability when it's done in a nonviolent way. And by the way, the book should have been called Compassionate Communication. All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going here. Please post a comment below if you have something to share. If you have a question, I read all the comments. I read all the questions. I do my best to respond. So you are more than welcome to ask a question. I'm gonna embrace it. And like I said before, if you need some help, check out all the links in the description below to see if maybe working with a coach is right for you by scheduling a free discovery call. Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do now. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic job to bear a hook of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the screen and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye-bye now.