 So glad you tuned in to this show guess what you wrote to us Is it okay for a husband and wife to have separate bank accounts and then for one not to have access to the other? Also, what about an emotional affair and is porn okay in marriage? Are you gonna talk about that? I am. Oh, I have some strong opinions. Oh, you better stay tuned Sister to sister so so glad that you joined us today We are five opinionated women of God and you send us questions and we bring our heart Lay them right on this table and speak truth to you in all things. You're gonna love these questions Okay, this first one's really good Oh, why is it okay for a husband and wife to have separate bank accounts? That the other one has no access to it. I don't know about this Roxie, I'm gonna say believe it or not. Yes Oh, I kind of thought you would say yes, uh because you're not hiding I'm gonna put it this way. You're not hiding but you're guiding All right, so luke 12 says to be a wise steward over your finances And if you are married to a spendthrift I think you have an obligation To not let them have access to the money to drive you broke or in bankruptcy So I'm gonna say yes if you're hiding but guiding because if that's spouse and It's almost every household that I've seen in my 40 some years as a lawyer There's someone who likes to spend a lot of money out of control You think they're gonna just be limited by a bank account. Yeah Here's a truth. I'm a friend whose husband spends on golf things on a credit card on a credit card And I said to her well just take the credit card and keep it in your wallet. She said he knows the numbers Too bad. So well then change it. I mean, that's an excuse you become an enabler That's a whole nother show. That's a whole nother show. I stop I agree and I disagree with that because I think the two have to become one that there's got to be a merging of it's not Me but we now in our house, we have his money is our money. My money is his money, but my extra money is my own money Disagree I've got this extra stash And he has an extra stash and it's great to have like your own sense of independence But we merge together. We share visions dreams goals plans spending investing Whatever giving we share it together. It's not like his thing. My thing. We do our thing together I'm not saying to hide it from them. You literally said the word hiding I said I said it's not hiding. It's guiding That it is a recipe for A bad marriage when you have separate bank accounts. I think this is an issue You should discuss before you even get married and I think very few people do I think you need to really be on the same page about this And I think you need to combine your bank accounts Because I have known couples that are like, oh no, we'll make it work. It's fine. We have our separate bank accounts And it is a source of strife in their marriage I agree with Amy. It is the two become one and that includes your finances I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I really don't if one is a spend thrift That problem is the two becomes one problem. Okay, and you need to deal with that together You need you need to come up with a budget and In that budgeting you each you just you determine you each get this is my whatever allowance and Then there's no the other one does not say you like what you can spend that on like Okay, but it's not it's not okay. That's the wrong term. Whatever the in the budget This is what you get and this is what you get. This is your budget and this is your budget I have everything you own I'm sorry. You're together on that. I know you have it, but they don't have access till they learn How to spend Relationship no, that's not a parent. That's two helping each other help mates helping each other Somebody is that wonky then they need big help. I mean That's why that needs to be discussed way before you even get married because Their husband and wife Who knew that this question would be like this? I didn't know All evil Okay, all right, I'm moving from the money money Money is the root of all evil. Okay. This is a good question though Love, but this is not love. This is what is the danger of an emotional affair? That's really bad Angela, why don't you take this get off money? Because she's like an emotional affair with the money You know where our heart is that's what leads our life It says out of the heart flow the issues of life And so if we find our treasure in someone else's words with us in our conversation there There goes our heart. There goes our life. And so an emotional affair is really just the opening to Everything else, you know, and and that's why it's so important that we remain filled up in christ and filled up in our spouse You know because those can happen pretty effortlessly if you share passions with someone or you know You're in a career and you have to build with different people And so the emotional affair is really I think that Tempting place that can take you Longer and leave you there down in a bad way. Now you work with guys Yeah Well, how do you feel about this emotional affair? I mean, I don't think working with a guy means you're gonna have an emotional affair Okay You know a guy with a guy perhaps I mean you go down that path angela just talked about Perhaps but I think you can work with a guy and not have an emotional affair Can you have a guy as a friend? Okay, that's a different question. Okay emotional affairs Are just as bad as physical affairs to me it is an affair an emotional affair isn't a fair Okay, and you have to deal with the fallout Just as much with an emotional affair as a physical affair. You have betrayed your spouse you have And you are going to have to deal with that you are going to have to Ask forgiveness. You are going to have to you know go through counseling. You are going to have to break off that Relationship there is no to me. There is no differentiation. It's not like I mean yes, there there's Steps and there's going to be things you have to deal with differently than with a physical But it is still an affair especially for us women. I think I looked it up I wanted to see what the world had to say about an emotional affair. So An emotional affair is an intense Nonsexual connection between two individuals that closely resembles intimacy and emotional bond as in merit I mean, can you so you're spinning? Yeah, it's that frequent of contact. It's that frequent of sharing It's that frequency of sharing your thoughts and they understand me. I mean that is an outright betrayal so and The danger of an emotional if you need to talk to another man about deep things of your heart and emotions You're in big trouble. Yes. Yeah, obviously. Do you have something for me? It's it's simple first Peter says if you have cares if you have emotions Cast them on the Lord first because he is the one who cares for you You can't even cast some of this emotionalism on your spouse Before you go to the Lord because you're going to screw up your spouse like What did I just hit? You know you hit the wall So the first care is with the Lord and the second thing about emotions is we're honoring the Lord You know God put this in here to typify what we do spiritually In the spirit we have other gods before us So he's really talking about a spiritual plane that we take to the physical and the emotional Where are we spiritually with the Lord before we get into this emotional issue? It does other things become an idol in our lives and that's how it starts Other things become idols in our life because we haven't cast our cares on the Lord So we go to all these other people and all these other things to find gratification That's right. Oh boy. I like that. I like this next question kind of That means she does that to answer Okay, here's the question. Is it okay to use porn? To enhance your marriage Amy This ticks me off actually because it sounds so soft. Is it okay to use porn in our marriage and It's going to enhance our marriage not that it's wicked twisted and it will destroy your mind It will destroy your marriage It dehumanizes what sex is what womanhood is and what manhood is And not that's not including the children and the teens that are involved in the pornography industry Pornography is the third most common form of sex trafficking So I think that you better know when you're watching porn There's a there's a high probability that that person is being trafficked and trapped in this Porn art that you're enjoying and that you're putting your money towards so you're supporting this 35 percent of all downloads on the internet are porn. That's unbelievable 35 percent guys Porn hub has 42 billion visits annually There are 400 million porn searches for youth Not like to me if your heart's not dropping like we've got We have been desensitized and we've been numbed down and dumbed down 4.8 million people are trapped in sexual exploitation it this pornography increases child abuse it increases Domestic abuse it demeans women now the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children receives 1 million reports each month So ask me again should we use porn to enhance our our marriage? Are you kidding me? It's the last thing you want to do if you want to destroy Other people's lives and your own life then use porn, but if you want to do it God's way There is a way to have a beautiful rich Sexy healthy sex life with two people that are in covenant before God That honor each other and honor him and and you can do whatever the heck you want As long as you two are in mutual agreement and that's between you and him But you don't need an outside source of demonic Exploitation to come into your life and into your home and into your marriage I literally agree 100 wholeheartedly there's Every reason not to and there's no good reason to Introduce porn into your relationship the marriage bed is not defiled Enjoy each other in every way But do not introduce outside sources it also introduces unrealistic body images and fantasies Into your marriage bed that should not be there. It introduces Addictions that shouldn't be there. You think it's going to stop with it, you know an enhancement To your relationship that porn is going to move beyond What you share with each other It's going to move beyond that and be a common addiction porn is a huge addiction problem Especially with men I'm not saying it's just with men, but it is a huge problem with our men And it's it just it opens up to mental images that are going to stick seared Into the brain that's why young people What when you when you when Amy said this and I don't even like to talk about this I don't like to talk about soft porn that's on regular television And that our young people our teenagers are seeing but when you said that about searing an image Into your mind It's so true and I remember I was doing a litter cleanup My son I had the Boy Scout the Cub Scouts or Boy Scouts and All these little boys were standing around something They were looking at something and I'm like what what what I run over and it was a vhs. It was a while ago of gay porn okay, so I have These horrible thoughts that those little boys had that image burned into them. Just like you said, oh my gosh Yeah, so you don't you don't want those images seared into your brain You want the images of you and your spouse to sear it into your brain, you know an affair Yes, you're letting it ride in your marriage. Yes, Angela. What do you have? I think they said it all I mean keep your mind focused on the good and the pure on the godly, you know leads to life so scripture I just want to yeah the Psalm 103 he Satisfies our soul with good things You know, you're trying to satisfy the flesh In looking at whatever or whatever we do not just porn but anything that we try To fill that does not fill the soul All I implore people fill your soul with the richness of the Lord go to church be in his word Fill the soul first then allow him to satisfy you with his Good things. Well, this was a great question So thank you for sending it in and I think you got some great answers from the hearts of the women on the panel Stay there. We have more sister to sister right after this Wow such good questions Really good questions and I appreciate you being here and this next one I'm going to go to Angela Madden who's here with us today I'm so happy and this is a good one because you're young married What phrase do you believe is the most important for your spouse to hear from you and what phrase do you need to say more To your pastor husband For him, I think it's that I appreciate and see his hard work and I'm so proud of what he's doing You know, um, I think probably I need to say it more even, you know, because we take for granted all the effort that he's doing day in and day out and um I just I've always been taught since before I got married that men need to be Respected and appreciated. So that's what I try to guess. So tell him how great That baby you the man. Yeah, you the man. I love it. I love it. You can also tell him what he does wrong. I think All right. All right. Okay. Speak the truth. All right. I don't have any guess work in this My husband who never goes to like stores to buy things, you know, he's on He only story really goes to his food shopping. He bought me this along with other presents for my birthday But it wasn't that he's always thankful for me He's teaching me to be always And I took it well because you know, I I speak the truth in love and so I expect him to say it back Because the first thing I think of is something negative. All right So I know that he wants me as first Thessalonians says be thankful in everything not for everything But always be thankful. So I took it real well sisters I still have the pillow I kept the tag on for these last couple years just to remind me that he does shop once in a while with You know, these kind of stores and he happened to see and it struck him Oh, I got to get that and for him to like bring correction On my birthday. No less It was good I appreciate it. I think he's thankful for you. He is. Yes. Always. I'll turn it that way. You can do please do Who else has something to say to your spouse? My husband had dental surgery and he's coming out of this like High-dosey place, right? And I'm sitting there with him and he starts like crying. I love my kids so much I love my wife But sometimes my wife is mean to me He said that in his doozy in his doozy And I and the truth is that I think I do I get snippy and snappy and Just we're we're moving at a fast pace and I just will snap but it's hormone It is. Well, whatever it is. It's flesh So I probably should say I'm sorry more. Will you forgive me? I shouldn't have done that You know, I I think we should be kind to each other. I love that. I love that. I think saying you're sorry is really good too Really good. Why are you doing that? I'm like getting convictions I didn't even focus on the part of what I should say to my spouse The whole my whole thing was what does my spouse need to say to me? I'm all it might be correction. That's all right. That's all right. That's right core All right, Cory. I'm gonna ask you this question about a deceitful heart then. Okay Um, it's Jeremiah 17. Oh, yeah, I know this is a way Do you because this is confusing. I I literally quote this verse all the time We'll tell them because the heart is deceitful above all things Yes, sir. Rebaub It's not just you the generalize it means that your emotions will betray you my dear Kathy Emotional friend. Yeah, I am emotional your emotions will betray you And that's why our wisdom that God gives us will balance those emotions out because emotions are not good That's why like when you're on your high when you're singing your worship songs And the emotions are there You cannot ride on those just emotions Like you that's why like when you go away from like those retreats in those, you know Emotional highs and you like drop from that like there you have to have something deeper than that You have to have the roots there because You cannot ride on emotion alone. You know, you have to have a deep relationship There has to be something deeper there and you will be betrayed by that. So we need emotions. Here's a good verse to balance that out Matthew 10 16 be wise as serpents and innocent as doves So you have that balance with the wisdom and the emotion. Okay, that's it's very important because Your your emotions will betray you It's like when you have the butterflies when you first have you know fall in love or have those relationships You cannot just depend on those Feelings when you that you have when you first date somebody you have to get deeper with them and really find out if there's Compatibility if you have depth there if everybody married the first person they had butterflies with there'd be all Disastrous relationships the heart is deceitful above all things. There's just Jeremiah. That's a pretty good one Do you have anything scripture? Well, Jeremiah was a prophet. Nobody repented under him Bulldogs Well before the bullfrog song Jeremiah was a prophet. Nobody repented That's why he was all deceitful Well, he was speaking the truth and it says too that there is a way that seems right to a man But it ends in death. What's that way that seems right? Self gratification. What have we been talking about through all this emotional affairs? Pornography bank accounts all fleshly things that seem right to us because we are self centered people Now for self preservation. It's a good thing But for not caring about somebody else it's wrong So Jeremiah says you're seeking after your own way You're you're walking away from God your heart is deceiving you to satisfy yourself Versus pleasing your God. Oh my gosh, Amy. What are you about any store? You're gonna see either earrings or a necklace or a shirt that says follow your heart Follow your heart and you're like You You want to follow the voice of God you want to follow the good shepherd You want to follow the word of God? You do not want to just follow your heart That is sad one day. Happy one day mad one day cold one day warm one egg Yes You know what this is really good because you're telling me don't be emotional. You're telling me I know you can be emotional. Just don't make all your decisions based on those emotions. Okay. I'll try But I I love the difference of opinion on all of these questions today so amazing And I hope that you got what I got from each of my sisters. It's so good. Watch it again if you Oh my god, this was a really good show and I'm so grateful that you send us in questions And I'm most grateful that you tune in and take the time to hear what the sisters have to think and say to you Each week we love you so much and we're gonna wrap it up right after this Wow, I wonder if you're like me and I mean it's uncomfortable to talk about some of these things But we have to if the believers don't talk about these things if christians aren't talking about it if we're not Digging into the word of god to find out what the word has to say about it Then the world will drive the narrative on all subject matters. So the church We have to rise up. We have to be bold and very courageous. I mean as a pastor of 26 years I know I don't look that old but I am So many issues over porn and marriage. It breaks my heart human trafficking Just Going rampant. There's there's marriage issues. There's emotional affairs. There's hard things But guess what there is hope in god and let's go to the scripture right now in second corinthians 1 9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life Not because of anything that we have done But because of his own purpose and grace This grace was given us in christ jesus before the beginning of time This is huge right here. It says not because of anything we have done It is not in our own works that we receive the grace of god It is all because of what jesus did for us So put the pressure back on him and with condemnation in the world And sin is trying to point back at you. You messed up. You're an idiot. You had an affair You had you were in deport. Just say I God forgive me. I repent of my sin and then turn and stop doing it and start walking with god Oh my gosh, I love put the pressure back on him because he cares for you No anxious thoughts and this thought is mine as iron sharpens iron So does the countenance of a man or a woman or a sister sharpen the other rocksy Corey angela. Amy. Love you all and you too. See you next time