 Hey, hey, Tony Gassen's here. Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of talks with Tony Actually got a email from one of my patrons from patreon. So thank you so much You put it in the subject and I happened to see it Aloha, I met a guy about a year ago and from jump We had sex at the time. I wanted a real relationship to blossom But now I know it didn't because I was operating from brokenness and didn't set a standard We stopped talking quickly because we weren't building how I expected Again, I'm pretty sure I played a huge role in that for not starting it right Over the last year until now. He's reached out tons of times It always I've always let it be known We're not having sex again and he said he was fine with that Based on how we didn't prosper in the past. I don't trust them. I think he's full of it and I've expressed this to him He's been really gracious with me even with me being difficult I've cut him off several times for not coming correct or the way I think he should with regard to certain things For example, he's asked me on a date and I ended up paying for part of it I'm fine with that to an extent because I make my own money But I feel like he asked he should have taken care of it That led me to think he was just trying to waste my time and get me back in bed. I Cut him off again because he randomly posted a woman on his snapchat No caption or anything just a picture. I didn't ask questions I just blocked his number a few weeks later, which is today He found me on WhatsApp an app I use to communicate with business associates in other countries Unblocked his number and he asked why I blocked them I explained why and he said it was just a friend and said he wouldn't do it again He asked for the opportunity to get to know me all over again because the first time around was rushed with sex He asked that we become friends and he hopes that'll create a strong foundation for a friendship I mean for a relationship in the future He says he can see himself with me because I'm a good person But he knows I've been hurt before so he wants to build trust and friendship Why does he keep coming back? I know I'm being difficult and we haven't slept together in almost a year We've gone out and even talk on the phone often when he's not cut off But he keeps coming back trying to prove himself to me why based on our history Should I give him a shot if I do how do I move on? I don't want to keep being difficult, but I want it to be known I'm not with the mess Well, I'll tell you this Something Obviously happened in your life And you've gone through some things you've experienced some things. There's a lack of knowledge there There's a lack of self-worth there and some things have happened in your life And so you jumped in the bed with them you jumped in the bed with them And it's kind of a rule of thumb for any and every man To not take a woman serious who has sex with him right away. I remember a guy You know who had grown come from my area and you know grown up to become a millionaire and a famous celebrity You know, I remember him telling me specifically I was young and he said if you ever meet a woman and She has sex with you in the first two weeks Keep it moving. Don't deal with her. She's not worth it. He said took me six months To sleep with my wife and that was his advice and that's kind of The just the general consensus that well a lot of times people don't like to hear that Because it's too real and so it's kind of women you're going into the barbershop You're going into the locker room and when you hear the truth that men say to one another you're like Oh, that's a double standard. Oh this and that but you know It is what it is and everyone has the right to set their own standard So if it's a double standard, that's because you allow a double standard which you could then say as a woman I'm not sleeping with a man fast and for man tries to sleep with me fast I'm cut him off. You could set that standard, but you know, we don't always and This right here happens. So you slept with them and You stopped talking because you weren't building how you expect it But at the same time, it's like what did you expect a Man is coming to be with you for one reason and that's for sex So if you give him sex right away, you've given him the trophy before he's even gotten in the blocks to run the race And so at that point there's nothing really to build but see the thing about it is you start having sex He didn't get his full feel of you. He wasn't tired of you He wanted a friend with benefits at that time And so the number always tell the women is 11 by the 11th time that you slept with a man That's when you should know if it's real or not. If you are having sex before marriage I don't condone sex before marriage But if you're going to do it and the reason why I say I say 11 is because when you think about it It kind of goes gradually in stages to where you know things start to get a little spicier, you know And it changes missionary and then you know stuff starts to change But by the time you get to 11 you've you know Experimenting and you've done things a few different ways and that's a man kind of taking you through his Obstacle course or through his you know circus of you know Lovemaking to kind of gauge and see where you are in the bedroom And so after those 10 by that 11th time he pretty much has an idea Of where you stand in his life and how he factors in you know your sex life. And so With this right here. He wasn't done with you. You know, he was just getting started and then when you When you kind of cut them off it confused them because he's like Hold on like does this woman have standards or not? Like I'm confused like how do you sleep with me? Boom right from the start, but then you flip the script and you're like miss holier than thou You know miss I got to let you go because this isn't moving fast enough for me So now the guys kind of confused like what is this? You know, did she find Jesus like where's all these standards and you know, where's all this integrity coming from? So really he's intrigued with you, but to be honest with you From the overall tone and the details that you gave me It sounds like you're an ego grab It sounds like he came back and he's reaching out to you for his ego And you said he's reached out to me tons of time. So tons of times could be Once every week for the whole year that y'all have you said over the last year So that could be 52 times you could be saying tons of time But tons of times really for a committed man would be every day and a man who's trying to win you And he knows you have access to his snapchat and his Instagram and all of that He's not gonna post another woman this abstract type of you know, whatever term you use this post of this other woman knowing that it's gonna raise questions and Kind of and then he says as a friend. So it's not like a cousin. You know, it's not a family member. So Men don't post women online unless he's trying to show that woman that you mean something to me And you mean enough that I'll share you Publicly because this girlfriends who haven't been posted, you know and been with a guy for a year two years So when a man takes him post a woman, he's sending a message to that woman He posted and so for him to do do that knowing that you can see it lets me know that he's playing games Because if a man really wants you He another woman won't even exist He'll try to downplay his relationship with his sister and his mother to make you feel like you are the only and the soul woman in his universe and so this guy is playing games and You have to be safe and sorry and then you also got to realize when you have sex in the beginning Like from the jump as you stated that is like building a mansion on the sand So to be with him and to continue to try to make this thing work, especially after a year hiatus You would be going back to the construction site and continuing to build a mansion on the sand with no foundation no firm foundation, you're literally just stacking right in the sand and You have not, you know got a foundation and rooted and grounded to where it can stand the test of time and so what will happen You have become intriguing you've become a test and so what will happen is He will continue to pursue you and If you are still single and you're still entertaining him because you block him and unblock them block them and unblock them Eventually you're gonna get weak and desperate because you're gonna say well nobody else has approached me I don't have anybody else. I'm not dating anybody else. This guy's still knocking on my door I might as well give in you give in then you're back in the bed now. He says boom. I got you That's what you get for trying to play me. You want to think you're gonna play me You want to be bigger than me you want to be battered than me you want to try to use me You want to try to sleep with me and think you just gonna walk off and leave girl. I'm player from the Himalayas I'm the man and so he comes back out of that ego and he gets you and he reels you back in and then he sticks it to you So now it's like either you Put up a shut up It's you stay here and you deal with this mediocre treatment that I'm giving you this lackluster Love that I'm giving you while I'm entertaining these other women or You get back on your high horse with and try to grab the last little bit of self-esteem that you have after I've broken you and you try to ride off into the sunset. Good luck with that. I hope you can do it That's essentially what he's testing you to do So when a man comes back and he's serious and understand this He will go through every hoop he'll jump through fiery hoops And he will make you know without a shadow of a doubt that he wants you and that you're the only one And he's committed to getting you and nothing else in the world matters more to him This guy is hitting you up on his off-days on his downtime on his free time when the woman that he really wants is not available because she's working or Ignore them because some he did that's when he comes writing you with the hopes that he can keep you on the roster keep you on his practice squad You know in football you have a you have the active roster that they get the big checks And you have the practice squad who are expendable and being overworked and underpaid He wants to keep you on his practice squad Just to use you and abuse you because he's not going above and beyond to show you that you are the one and that he wants you So hey, that's my take on it Thank you so much for you know writing in to me if you are watching this and you have a question You can send it in to inbox at Tony Gaskins.com inbox at Tony Gaskins.com For those of you who are patrons like like this young lady. Thank you so much Make sure in your subject you put patron and I will see it and I will you know double check make sure you're not lying But thank you so much for the support. We will talk soon