 Okay, welcome to our next class of understanding marriage. In our last class, we did see how God is the designer of marriage. We were looking at some perspectives of marriage. We looked at marriage being a good thing, right? We're going to continue on, but before that, I think I have a question that somebody has raised. I think, Christopher, did you raise your hand to ask a question? Christopher? Yes, yes. The question I had was with regards to the marriage, or rather through marriage, the husband and wife becoming one person. I just wanted to understand from a point of view of, in the judgment day, would that be considered something that would need to be judged by God? And this one person, I just want to understand how this sort of fits in with the individual characteristics of the husband and the wife and also just being represented as one person and then being judged as either husband, wife, or as a couple, as that one person. So if you could just provide more detail from that. Okay, so this is something that comes in as another perspective that we are going to be looking into. So maybe when we reach there, Christopher, if you have further question, then I can take it on from there. What does it mean to be one person? What does it look like when there are individual differences in it? That's one part of your question. The second part of your question was how does it play out during judgment day? Would you be judged for the fact of not displaying that oneness in the relationship right now? So maybe I'll be able to answer part of it. The next part is something we can open up. So I will come to that. I hope that's okay, Christopher, as we go into the next point. It is there as part of the class. So I will come back to your question. So going back on the perspectives of what scripture talks about, the next thing that the Bible talks about is that marriage is an institution that needs to be honored. So when we look at the verse in Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4, which I'll just like to read to you, Hebrews 13, 4, it says, Give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. So when God did see marriage, the way that God saw marriage was with the reverence. There was honor in what he created. So when we're looking at anything that happens within marriage, especially that of sexual intimacy, it is something that God desires to be guarded and kept sacred with the purity that he intended for it to have. So the intimacy that is there, so when we're looking at honoring marriage, the intimacy that is there is intended between the people within the marriage. And it is that intimacy that becomes an expression to that oneness. So when as people who honor God or who believe in God would also want to honor his word and honor anything that he has put in place. So as a result, we are mindful of the fact that this is an institution ordained by God and not something that's a social institution that if it doesn't work, you have out of it or if you don't have the intimacy that it requires, you find it outside because God instituted it with the reverence and as his children, we are to keep that purity and that sacredness that's there within marriage. So marriage is an institution that needs to be honored. Going on, marriage is a promise. It is a solemn covenant. It is a promise that you see. How is this established? This is established through your vows. So depending on maybe the church that you've got married in, there have been vows that you exchanged with one another and this could have taken many forms. Here at APC vows are said to one another but in the traditional church where I got married, the clergy was the one who spoke the vows and we just had to say, okay, yes, I agree. But nonetheless, it is a vow that you speak before God. So when we're looking at it as a solemn promise or a solemn covenant, you are saying that no matter what, I walk in this alongside with you and it is with that step of faith that you make that promise, that you make that covenant and God is there as a witness in that covenant-making relationship or covenant-making decree that you give. So we see again, if you look at this in the verse that is pointed out here is in Malachi chapter 2 verses 13 and 14. So if you look at the 13th verse, God is saying, he's saying, you don't get what you want from God because of the way that you're living your life and then he says, do you know why? And he says it's simple because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your bride and now you've broken those vows. So that's the way that God has established this. It is a relationship that is built on a covenant that's built on a promise that is there in the presence of the Lord. The next thing that it talks about is marriage between one man and one woman only. So as he highlights this in the sections below, where we spoke about the definition of marriage where we found Genesis 2, 24 to 25, it talks of how man leaves his father and mother and cleaves. So he needs to leave to cleave. So it doesn't just say that it's the man who leaves and not the woman. It is intended to know that both the man and the woman leave every responsibility or other earthly relationship and joins in with the husband. So when we're talking about this being between one man and one woman only, the initial responsibility of a person who is stepping into this sacred intimacy is to establish independence from significant people in his or her life, which would mean parents, which would mean siblings, any other relationships that you have invested in emotionally, you have invested in other significant ways to be able to cut off, to be able to leave so that you have a place in marriage where you can attach. Now, when we say that this relationship between man and woman can be seen as like a core, like an inner circle. And in order for the inner circle to be tied, you need to be careful not to bring in the influences of others. So the inner circle is meant for just this one man and this one woman. And you would see that there is no space or an openness or a room for anybody else to enter in. Why? Because if there was a crowding, if there were influences that get into the marriage, it is definitely going to have some form of attention or there can be stress or there can be discord that happens. So when a marriage gets crowded, the people within, the partners within the marriage experience difficulty. And how do we see this out? We see this in the emotional dependence that either one of the partners may have on significant others in their families or among their friends, or it could be because of certain attachments or certain inappropriate friendships or past relationships that enter into this inner sanctum. And as a result, the partner does not hold that same importance that is required for them. So being careful that the husband and the wife has a healthy dependence on each other and a healthy detachment from those outside. Now this often comes as, you know, especially when I work among people, a lot of people who I work with may not be believers. And this comes in, especially in the culture that I live in. It comes in as a difficult instruction, you know, the fear because, you know, in India, a lot of times parents are seen as next to God, especially mothers are seen as next to God. You know, my mother is next to God and I cannot leave my mother in order to attach to you. So this kind of learning or an understanding becomes very difficult for people to accept. Yet we need to understand this does not mean that you do not care for your significant family or your parents or your siblings or those who may be elderly. It doesn't mean that. It means that your attachment should be primarily focused to your spouse and decisions and emotional interactions happens first there and then only, you know, to those outside. So, you know, as we go in through the course, we will be talking about a lot, a lot of this also. So even as we are saying this, I know there aren't any grandparents in this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. There are a few parents who have adult children, but I don't think anyone is married yet. You know, your own children aren't married yet. But in time, I think this is something that you need to know as a parent to be able to give space and be able to give to help your son or your daughter to release them when they are ready for marriage or when they are preparing for marriage so that they can give their spouse that attention and everything that they need to build a unit and a family together. Okay. And as we're talking about God's principle of marriage between one man and one woman, especially in the society at the time that we are living in, like I said, marriage has been distorted very, very significantly where you are seeing more same-sex marriages, homosexual relationships. And God's word is very, very strong on that. If you look at Romans 1, chapter 1, verses 26 and 28, he says that God's word teaches us that homosexuality is something that he detests. It's an abomination. And when we read that verse, what we need to see is, yes, the world approves of this kind of a marriage, but God's word is very instructive about the fact that this is not his way. This is not his desire for marriage. So even when we hate the sin that people may be in, we continue to love the person. So there are going to be times people are going to come to you. We do not shun them and throw them away because they are leading sinful lives. We hate the sin but love the person and reach them out in love and help them to restore their lives back to the way that God decided to be. So marriage is between one man and one woman only. I'm moving to the next point. I will probably take questions maybe after the next point and also address what Christopher had asked. The next thing we see is the marriage is a union of two. We see this in scripture where apart from the verse that we spoke about in Ephesians chapter 5, 31 to 32, Paul talks about this and he quotes what Jesus said and he says, there is a deep secret truth revealed in this scripture which I understand as applying to Christ and the church. So what Paul is doing here, he's making an analogy. He's drawing something like a parallel and he says, just like the husband and the wife join together or live together or build a relationship together, the same way that Christ responds to the church and church responds to Christ is the way that a husband should respond to the wife and the wife responds to the husband. So he is talking about this meaning of one flesh. What does it mean to be one flesh? He's saying it's similar to the way that Christ has come down to save his church. So this meaning of one flesh, so we take an inference through what Paul is saying and saying this one flesh is being this one united person. So if it is two people who are coming together, it's like there is just one person and we see this in the way that the comparison that Paul makes in this where he talks about how Christ and the church is united, how we are Christ, we belong to Christ to the point where we are in him just like as he is in us, we do and we walk like the way that he did, the way that he walked. We live in this world as Christ ambassadors. Jesus talks about this and says, you know, just like how I abide in you, you abide in me. So it's that kind of a perfect union that God is talking about being that one in spirit being united in one person just as you are being united in the body as well as the soul. So just as being one in spirit, just as being one in body and one in soul is the way that we be being one in spirit. Now, what does this practically mean? How does this actually work? It's one thing to know of it and it's one thing to live it in the everyday life. So like Christopher did point out, so understanding it, knowing it is one but when you have two different people in the marriage, two different personalities in the marriage it doesn't become an easy thing. And I'm sure each of us here who have married have gone through those faces, gone through that time when there has been a disagreement, when there hasn't been such a union as is expected when there hasn't been complementarity, when there hasn't been a sense of intimacy. We have all been through that through those faces because of our individual differences that are there. So now in scripture, so right now we are just, we are going to be looking at what does it mean to become one and we will address this a little further. So when we are looking at becoming one, it is one building a relationship. A relationship can be built only if you one spend time, spend your, you invest your thoughts, your understanding, your everything. A relationship requires vulnerability. So when you are relating to somebody, if we aren't in a place of vulnerability we may not be able to build a relationship. Think of your relationship with God, right? When sometimes we are incongruent in the way that we know in our hearts something should be done and the way that we do it, right? There is a sense of a detached relationship. Okay, like for example, I know I have, I shouldn't lie but maybe the next minute I'm lying. I immediately am able to pick in the spirit realm that there is a detachment, right? So a relationship is one that requires vulnerability where you share your thoughts, your ideas, you open up yourself for good communication. Be in a place of understanding that my spouse can be different from me and yet I want to build that relationship. So it is the need to see that just as much as I would like my thoughts and my views or my opinions to be seen by the other person I also need to be careful and understanding that they may not see it like I do which comes to a place of agreement, right? So when we are looking at agreement we are saying the ability to consider that there are differing opinions and even in spite of these differing opinions you come together because you know that you are aligned together or you're bought together to serve God and His greater purposes. So I think maybe, I'm trying to think of an example in my own life so when I look at, you know, so before, this is an example way back, okay? Before we joined APC we were part of a traditional church and, you know, we were not young believers. We were strong believers but we had very little about the knowledge of God's word. You know, how the power of the Holy Spirit works within us. But at our earlier years my husband, you know, felt that it was time to, you know, to lead the traditional church and go after what this had for us and I was very, very uncomfortable because this is what I knew right from the time. I was young and everything was set, you know, you had your community but to uproot from there into something else was a very, very difficult decision for me to make. But because, I believe because of the relationship that was there between my husband and me knowing that I could trust him that even though he makes a decision like that and, you know, that he is led by God to make that decision, I worked in agreement. It was hard, it was not easy, it was not something that I may have willingly wanted to do but to know that I considered that there is a differing opinion here and, you know, understanding what God had for me, I said, okay, let me join in along with you. So again, becoming one means, again, an agreement in spite of knowing that there are these differing views or differing opinions. It also means becoming one is complimenting. You know, if you look at a lock in a key, you can never open a lock with any key. It needs a particular key, right? So it's a sense of complimenting one another where one may be strong in, the other may be weak in, but you work together in order to live out whatever God has for you. So they become perfectly joined or in other words, you know, if you've seen puzzle pieces, unless you get the right piece, it doesn't join a line itself and work together. So complimenting is knowing that I may not be strong in something somebody else could be, but then, you know, I take it as my own because we're one person. So that's again another way that we live out that oneness. The next is unity where even the differences that we may have is becomes a reason for us to work in closer cooperation with one another. So even knowing that, you know, I differ in certain things from my husband, yet working in it together is what builds that oneness. And of course, the one is intimacy. Now, intimacy, do not think that intimacy has only sexuality in its picture. It means every kind of closeness. It's like, you know, you're looking at yourself in a mirror and seeing the way that you are. That's the way the intimacy is built. Now, even as I say this, you know, we may all be at very, very different places in this entire spectrum of this becoming one. But in order for us to become, sorry, this is the way that God designed it to be, to become one. And it is the only way that we see that you can become one is when it is achieved in his power, in his spirit. We can only achieve it that way. Very often, you know, it is found, it is difficult to do it. It is difficult to do it outside of him. So what are some of the things that keep you from becoming one? So I hope this addresses part of your question, Christopher. So some of the things that keep you from becoming one is when there is self-centeredness. You can call it, I know we may know it in different words like ego or being selfish or being, you know, very, very me focused. So that self-centered individuality, when I think, you know, I want to preserve myself. I should be able to, you know, get whatever I want. You know, how can my needs not be met? And this is something that I see in people who are, you know, in our current world today. That they're saying that, you know, when I come into marriage, I don't want to lose myself. I don't want to lose who I am, my individuality. You know, I have certain needs. I have certain desires. And I want to ensure that I preserve it, whether, you know, if they don't like it or not, I'm the first one to walk away out of it. And the process of becoming one does not mean that you lose your individuality. In fact, what it's supposed to mean is that you're complimenting your individuality with somebody else's so that you can work together as one. So what we're looking at is that perfect, again, like I said, the lock and key, that perfect alignment with one another. But it can often be broken because of that desire to preserve that inner self, preserve that ego. And often that oneness cannot happen when we attempt to preserve that. So when we look at that self-centered individuality, that is something that can destroy that oneness and that companionship. Sorry, and that companionship. Okay. So again, just to reiterate that we do not lose that individuality. In fact, it gets enhanced. It gets better, you know, when there are two people on the team, so much more work gets done. Right. So for those of us, you know, who are in the kitchen who work and you have a big meal to prepare that, you know, four hands are definitely better than just two hands. You know, so we see that that that is what what what God desires as oneness. Now, even in the context of this, we also do want to emphasize that when we're looking at oneness, we are also looking at how people are yoked together equally yoked together. And, you know, we see that in Paul talks about it in two Corinthians six, he says, do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers for what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness. Okay. So it also emphasizes when we're looking at oneness, we're also emphasizing that a believer should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever because oneness can be a struggle can be something that may not not come in in its entirety as the way that God designed designed it to be because there could be, you know, when there is an equality in the way people believe of what they believe in. There could be, you know, conflicts about parenting, there can be conflicts about spending time with each other can be conflicts about how decisions are made that can be conflicts about values and understanding. So, you know, so that it is with good stead that God has spoken and said, you know, do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. Okay. I'm just going to stop here for two minutes just to know Chris, whether I addressed it address your first question. I know I have not addressed your second one. Do you have any anything else for the first question that you had in mind? Yeah, sorry. Yeah. I think I think you've addressed most of it. I think the only sort of point I didn't make is because I mean, this is just, I guess it's also about reality as in, you know, things that take place and people, I mean, there are many people who have experienced this. And that is where, in a sense, you know, sometimes marriages become, you know, you know, keep, keep, sorry, so marriages continue. And, and perhaps, you know, they even started, you know, perhaps sometimes the wrong reasons. So God may not have been in the mix in those, in those cases, you know, a couple of scenarios where, you know, people have, you know, husbands have gone completely astray, and we mean to sort of look the other side or other, you know, look the other side and accept it in a sense, because they want to maintain that status quo. So I guess what I'm coming from is it could be possible where, you know, people have got, I mean, there are marriages which I have not were not really, you know, predestined by God and because God is not in the mix in those cases. And therefore, you know, this oneness and, you know, being able to, you know, maintain that institutional marriage in that particular instance, should it, should it, you know, should it really be, you know, you know, either continue or should it, you know, just continue. I mean, just continue the way it has, you know, it has gone through in the last whatever number of years. Yeah. So Paul talks about that in Corinthians where he says, you know, especially let's say, like you said, when God is not in the mix, when you are yoked with an unbeliever, and it, you know, Paul describes that, that, you know, stay with your unbelieving partner, because through you they could be sanctified is one thing that Paul says. And he also says, you know, that you do all that you can to stick on in that, in that relationship. But if they abandoned, you know, they are free to go. And so we will be looking at all of this later. So the only two reasons that the Bible gives for a separation is adultery and abandonment. Okay. And abandonment in the case of when an unbelieving spouse leaves the believing spouse. Right. So that's something. So Paul says that if you are in it, and you are able to stay in it, continue. Do not, you know, do not do anything because through you, your spouse can be sanctified. So yes, from what Paul says, we stay. We continue to stay and live a life in what God has bought us to. And I think I want to make one point here. Now, even in a very difficult relationship, you and I have the choice of following God, even in that relationship. Now that does not mean you act foolishly. Like for example, you know, a lot of times these words are very misconstrued. Like let's say you are in physically violent relationship. You need help. It does not mean that when God is asked you to stay that, you know, you continue staying then keep getting beaten. That's not the point. The point is you need help. You need to separate yourself for some time till you can get help for your partner. Right. But what it, what, what I'm, what I'm specifically trying to say is that in, let's say in a relationship where there isn't where, where the emotional intimacy or closeness is not as you expected it to be. Or let's say there have been certain challenges in the relationship. Maybe there have been issues that have gone by. Maybe there's been adultery or there have been relationships. You know, you are called by God. You've been given a choice in the calling by God to, to act in love, to be, to be merciful, to be, to be forgiving. Not an easy thing to do. Please don't get me wrong when I'm saying this, that it is the most difficult. And I know it because I see couples every day crying out, wanting to do the right thing, but just not having the energy and the, and the strength to do it. Right. So all of this, the self-centered individuality, this oneness can be achieved only by God. So only His forgiving spirit in you can help you in that. And this is not a walk you should be doing on your own. You do need help. You do need help of Godly people to work with you. Okay. So, so as I said at what I, what I mean to say is if you have a choice to be to your partner, what God wants you to be to them, please go ahead and be and do that with the help and the power of God. Okay. All right. Okay. I'm going on to my last point and maybe I'll leave it open for another two, three minutes for any, any other question. The last one is yes, marriage is a journey till death to a spot. Okay. Jesus speaks about that and he says what God has joined together, let man not separate. And you would have probably heard this on your wedding day when you know, you were married. Now marriage is for a lifetime and we, what we are called to do is to grow in our marriages till the time one of us are called. So we, we continue to, to know that this is not momentary. This is not something that is just for today. But this is the, I think one of the biggest decisions after salvation that you would make. So young men, all you young men who want to get married, remember that this is a lifetime commitment you're going to, you're going to make and it's something that you are putting your right foot forward and saying, I am in it for the long haul till death do us part. Okay. So in conclusion, we did talk about what marriage was. We saw how God designed marriage to be. We looked at perspectives of what God desires marriage to be. He says it's a good thing. It's some, it's a institution that needs to be honored. It's a promise that you make. It's a vows that you make in front of God. It is between one man and one woman only, only where you preserve the inner circle of marriage. It is a union of two where when you become one, you walk in agreement, you walk in a relationship, you walk in intimacy, you walk in unity, and you walk in not being self-centered but being able to give of yourself to your spouse. And lastly, marriage is something that is for the long term till death do you part. Okay. I want to open it out briefly for maybe around five minutes of questions and then we could pray, we could commit our marriages and pray that we will see marriage the way that God sees it. Yes. Can I? I'm opening it out for questions. Yes. Yeah. So the way I'm looking at this course, I think that there are two big goals to me. So one is definitely understanding my own understanding of God's design for marriage and identifying my own marriage and trying to bring that the way God's design. But definitely the other is where it's more towards my calling which is urban ministry and urban, especially the upcoming new. So something that I have been, I mean I try to keep in like with the trends that come, that is in the day. So everything new like atheism to homosexuality, gender equality, all of that. So these things. But this is what our current generation, our future generations would be starting. Like atheism was unheard of like when Christianity started. Like polytheism, like people believed everything was God. But now from there to we've moved into where we you know, atheism is rationally scientifically accepted. I'm sorry, the question is a little bit long. It's just but the current literature, there's a lot of literature coming in even like books like sapiens by you will know. Which is like scratching up like almost everybody seems to know it's me. But you know, the moral literature suggests that you know, when man and it's primitive, there were just two occupations. You're either a hunter or a gather. So you could be the hunt and bring food or you can gather and bring food. So, you know, we were originally hunters and gatherers and the community that people, the people were tribal people moving from one. So you reside in a place, you hunt and you gather in that once the resources are depleted, you move to another place. As a herd, you move. And there, so the way procreation would happen was, you know, there's no matter. So, you know, it's just mutual consent and everybody, you know, like so everybody is kind of sleeping on with everyone. And when children are born, it's, there's no one single father because no one knows whose child that is. So it's the communities or the herds responsibility to rare children up. So that is where the original procreation, the format of procreation was. So big and sharing was the principle because like if I kill an elephant and bring it, I can't consume it alone. I have to share it with the food, like with the whole herd. So everybody eats my, what I've hunted and brought. So similarly, if I just gathered one strawberry for the day, that will not fill my stomach. So I'll bring it. So anyways, but then with the, so the modern literature is where with the, with the discovery of agriculture. So when agriculture and man discovered that you can actually plant and sow and reap. And then you can have your own thing. You don't have to depend on the herd. That's when, so, so the whole, there's a whole new literature opening up and catching up with, I think with our generation, with the generations that agriculture brought in everything, including marriage, which is, you know, now that you can, you can own a piece of land and you can reap and sow. And then it doesn't make sense to share it with the whole community. So then, you know, then I'll make sure that I have help. So I find a partner, I raise a family. And so the land is mine. And whatever is grown in it, this is for my wife and my kids. So, so then the culture shifted from a herd culture to a nuclear culture. Yeah. So, so that, so, so part of what I'm trying to get from this course is also I probably, you know, try to bring this new thing that's the new teachings that are kind of coming up and, and I bring this question early on because we're talking about the authorship of marriage. And when you're looking it from, you know, God's perspective, and especially from a Christianity and a religious perspective, you know, when we are, when we are attributing that God designed marriage reasons, but I'm also at the same time, I'm trying to see what arguments could I present to the coming generation who would believe that, you know, marriage was discovered by man simply to simply to kind of protect his property. So just share some thoughts that I imagine. Yeah. Interesting, Sam. Thank you for that. I hope, you know, I think I'm please keep this in mind and, you know, as we keep progressing, you know, we could all think together and, you know, find some ways of how we can bring this up as points of conversations with the people who may not know God at all and give them a perspective of this. Right. Thank you. Thanks, Sam. Thank you. All right. If we don't have any questions, may I request any one of you to pray and then I will also close in a word of prayer and we can end our class. Anybody? I could. Yes, Sam. Please. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for this time, this fellowship, this community. Thank you for your providence. Thank you for your calling and your purpose in our lives that has brought us here. We are privileged. We are honored to be a part of your family to know you, God, to have been chosen by you. So we dedicate ourselves, everyone who's in this class, our lecturer, the whole APC Bible faculty, all our semesters. We thank you. We're grateful. And we ask you, Holy Spirit, to be amongst us, guide us in your wisdom, in your truth. Give us the tools, the understanding that you would need to then take your love, take your grace and share it with others. Now we commit ourselves to you so that we become vessels of honor ready for your good work. Thank you again, Father, for everything. This we ask in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. Amen. Heavenly Father, we thank you so much, Lord, that your word is so filled with good things for us, Lord. Lord, at this time, even as we've begun this journey to know you and your heart for this institution, Lord, I commit every one of our marriages to your throne of grace. Every student here who's married, everyone who's single and may be pursuing marriage, or who are going through difficult realities in marriage. Lord, we place this into your hands. Father, you're the one who can bring beauty out of ashes, Lord. You're the one, Lord, who can bring gladness out of our mourning. Lord, you're the one, God, who can bring the best, Lord, out of our least. Lord, and I pray, Master, that you will work on each of our lives and our homes and our families through this course. May we see the power of God work in and through us, Father. May we really see the fruit of your word in our lives, God. May we see our righteous, our tense, Lord, our tense flourishing, our tense being blessed, Lord, that we in our tense will rejoice unto you, Father. Lord, I pray specially, God, for those who are hurting in their marriages, Lord. Lord, I pray, God, for your hand of comfort over them. God, give them your word. Lord, your peace, Father, strengthen them. Hold them by their hand, Father, and show them the way forward with the questions that they may be having. God, that it is your presence, Lord, that brings everything to oneness, Father. Lord, I pray for the young people who are waiting for the right person. Lord, you will open up their eyes to prepare themselves adequately before they make that choice. Lord, we depend on you. You are our sufficiency in all things. We ask all these things in your precious and much-less name. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you all so much. Amen. Quick word. There are application questions after each chapter. You know, your learning is going to become more stronger and more personal if you were to go through those application questions. So it is there at the end of chapter one. If you can take some time to do it, if you're married, do it along with your spouse, it will be extremely enriching. God bless. I will meet you next Wednesday at 10 o'clock. The details of our meeting will be up on the stream. Thank you all for connecting. God bless. Bye-bye.