 We should instead maybe teach the men that are not as successful with women to be more well-rounded to attain just as much success and they will have more, way more success because then it would lead to more longevity and more families in the black community because we see what black women are attracted to and black women are attracted to the future type because I mean listen it's the message right here black boy tell me how you really feel cuz I just want to build with you black girl tell me how you really feel I want to keep it real with you I want to live better eat better I want to love better sleep better yeah I want to feel so aligned so you're in a relationship with an excellent man based on the time I've spent with him what was your journey to getting to the point where or we put like this to becoming the woman who was able to attract him that's a loaded question loaded up okay I think first thing first would be my listening skills and my ability to receive information that maybe I might have rejected before cuz I thought maybe I knew it all I know how to get a man I I've never had a problem getting a man men are coming on to me but I didn't know the difference between getting a man and maybe getting a good man and the man that I actually wanted you know I think that was the key differentiator and I think it was also being receptive to listening to the men around me I think also having that idea in the back of my mind that men don't know what they're talking about that prevented me from from listening to the information that I was getting from men when if I look back the information that I became receptive to receive to getting at the time when we were just talking I was getting this this information years ago I didn't value it as much I just figured I know what I'm doing you can't tell me shit you know I can just open up my deans and men are there there's a flood of men there's no shortage of men that I did never came to my head there's no shortage of good men I didn't think there was a shortage of of quality men either I didn't think there was a shortage of high value men that was one of the big thing that I learned from the mannispheres space that clicked in my head that okay there's a lot of men but are they really options if you don't want them are they really options if they're not the type of men that you see your son's being you know a lot of the men that I was around or that I feel like that I was attracting or a better word would say that I was keeping around me wasn't men that I saw that I wanted my son to be and I think I think that's a that's a that's a sticking point and I want us to stay here for a second because you know very because this conversation is exclusively for me it's about black men and black women and what's tough sometimes talking to black women is that I think black women are the sexiest women on earth they're the most physically attractive women on earth and because of that I think because they don't have a hard time getting attention they conflate that with retention so they can get a man easy but they can't keep one you know it's kind of like the dude who always gets a job but he can't keep a job so like he never actually reaches his full potential as far as income so as a woman why do you think when you were younger and other women as well confuse attention I have 50 men in my DMs with or even I have 50 high value men in my DMs with I can attract and retain that caliber of man and inspire him to take a relationship to the next level why do you think there's that confusion I didn't know the difference until I turned 29 and I know many women around me didn't know the difference either until I would say a year ago it never it never came to mind that a man coming to me to talk to me is just coming to me to have sex with me of course you you think that but your ego prevents you from accepting fully processing that fact we all want to be loved and we all think that we're deserving of the highest form of love so I think that all women think that they're hot they're the hot shit right and we all think that I'm the light of your life like without me you're good as dead we all think that about men right so even if it doesn't work out we're not thinking oh that's because he was just here for pussy we just label it as oh he's a player oh he wasn't ready oh um I'm too good for him oh um you know I he I didn't want to keep him you know I'm single about choice I'm single or single choice um it's always it's it's the man's fault right why they're not around um in the first place so how could we process the difference between um retention and you know being able to get the man in the first place we we don't process that at all that didn't come to my mind at all until I turned 29 and I started to watch Kevin Samuels then I think that's when I begin to understand oh okay the reason why I there might there may have not been um the success that I wanted in some relationship was because maybe the guy wasn't there for the same thing that I wanted in the first place so I think you brought up something very interesting earlier um and I've talked about this it's something I'm suspicious of I'm not gonna say I'm 100% clear on it yet but you talked about how most women have been programmed to think less of men like that's your default setting to to think men are less intelligent or less capable or up to no good and sometimes even um that idea is instilled in you by your father you know by the many in your life so talk about how you think that has affected the fact that um it took you up until 29 to really start understanding oh this is actually how men work versus just being a suspicious person who would tell herself stories just so she wouldn't have to accept that oh I was rejected or maybe he didn't want me yeah even you just saying that that just strike a little bit of pain inside of me to even process yeah maybe that guy didn't want me as much as I thought he would have wanted me and and I don't think I think a lot of beautiful women are there I don't think they're ever processing this guy just wanted pussy from me that's a hard hard harsh raw truth um and I know our fathers or our parents raise us to be suspicious of men to help us be more independent and self-reliant I know my father did my father um in essence because he loves me so much no man was ever good enough for me there was something wrong um with any man that I could have presented to him and that may be because maybe from his background as well when he was young you know so it could be for a lot of women their their father's no other men or the the worst side of men and wants to protect their daughters from that um but the unattended consequence of that is we raise our women to be just like men right so they become ultra self-reliant they become a I don't need no what I don't need no man type of woman um and they also um become a form of feminist you know but unintended I think I don't think um black women grow up and say to themselves I want to be a feminist and I want to be um I want to be this woman I don't need a man I think trauma causes that as well so having that preconceived notion that manning shit you may attract the same type of man that you fear um and because you're putting that energy out there you also get it back self-fulfilling a form of self self-fulfilling provis prophecy right um yeah I think I think what's what's tough you know because I pride myself in balance and you know as a as a new father this is stuff I have to think about and when I hear like oh part of why um some women are suspicions because of their dads I get it because and I'm sure your boyfriend knows this as well like most dudes under the age of 30 aren't trying to be serious that's the reality right and fathers know this because at one point they were under the age of 30 and they know how boys think and they know the type of testosterone is coursing through their veins what's messed up about it you know women's defenses your peak period is that under 30 so while you're trying to like relax it down he's really you know I'm trying to I'm out here in the street and you know so the suspicion is warranted but unfortunately like you said it also is a self-fulfilling prophecy so like if you could give me advice as a new father how can I convey that you know when my daughter is a teenager and stuff in a way that's going to click and make sense so it doesn't necessarily just lead to her being jaded or lead to her having negative um expectations of man. Good question. Good question. I would say giving her the hard truth early on and actually expanding on that rather than just say be careful about men oh you know saying things like a lot of men under the age of 30 aren't going to be serious I don't think that's a good statement to make around a young girl right because then that already forms the vision of the majority of men I think keeping a balance maintaining that balance and that separation there are good men and there are bad men there are men that are going to be serious and that are going to take you serious and there are men that aren't going to take you serious that are going to come here and you know use you um and lie to you and do this and I think the biggest part is education education and providing that um education for her to know the difference between the two and to be able to identify the difference between the two because our fathers wanted to basically repel this for men we didn't get that education on how to identify good men most women don't know how to pick good men and most women don't know what a good man looks like when that man is standing right in front of them why all they know is how to identify the bad guy why why do you think that is I would say a mixture of education inside the home uh well a mixture of lack of education inside the home and focusing on the negative men if you only know how to identify the bad you're only going to attract the bad you're only going to uh pick the bad because that's all you know right and maybe if your father wasn't around either to give you that example of the good um you might not you still won't know how to pick a good man um I will say this I think I think you could make a good argument that women in mass their kind of default setting is to be attracted to the um the enigma the the guy with an edge right and and it's like you know it makes it worse when you experience trauma your dad wasn't there but I think there was some something to be said for like women's baseline setting is to gravitate towards the pseudo the man's man don't take no shit and those tend to be the quote unquote bad boys so can can you help clarify because I have I've been a man for 29 years can you help clarify why that might be the case or do you think it's not the case why are we attracted to the bad boy do you think it's nature or do you think it's nurture I think it's nature okay I think it's nature okay and we have to unlearn okay as we go along and hopefully we don't unlearn too late that although what you're attracted to um is really what you're attracted to you can unlearn what attraction means to you and why you're attracted to that thing you can sit there and I've had to self reflect so it's possible to self I know that it's possible to self reflect and dig deep to understand why you're attracted to something and that's where I think nurture comes into play because you can you can't unlearn that we're not animals right just because something looks good it doesn't mean it's good and typically what you're attracted to maybe is not what you what you need what you want is not what you need right the bad boy although the bad boy it there's attractive qualities to that boy but I think it's it's a sexual attraction mostly this is what I want you to do for me because I am interested in part of my I guess north star is if I can imbue I don't even know if I'm using that word properly the good guys the solid the Russell Wilson's with some future characteristics so they can compete with the future naked you know I mean we can read because I think there is something to learn from everybody so for the Russell Wilson's of the world for the good wholesome dudes that typically get looked over because there isn't that animalistic initial and we need that what can they learn from the guys who get that initial animalistic what can they what piece of that game can they steal it's it's interesting that you say that because what I see from the man is fear space is that women are shamed for what they're attracted to but they're attracted to that for a reason right and instead of shaming it like you said we should instead maybe teach the men that are not as successful with women to be more well-rounded to attain just as much success and they will have more way more success because then it would lead to more longevity and more families in the black community because we see what black women are attracted to and black women are attracted to the future type because I mean if black men want to be the future there's no black man that's looking at future and saying okay I don't want to be that guy that looks like that he walks into the room bravado right whereas maybe Russell has that more you know timid type I see through it though and that's that's that's me I see through it but I get it good boy that's the difference between men and women you can look at the future type and see through it and see that pseudo masculinity women see that and instantly get attracted to that instantly want to birth a baby for that guy right and it's evident obviously we see that we see the Lord Dirk we'll see we see how many women are giving up their womb to these guys and we can't shame that maybe just like you said again understand it so let's break it down what the quote-unquote good guys could learn from the future type to be more well-rounded I would think maybe to be more fun have more have more of a personality I think because most of these guys spend their time I think of the nuclear physicist guy I think most of these guys spent their prime years that's not their prime years but women's prime years those guys spend those years building themselves focusing and grinding and you know their head is in the books yeah so they come out of that and they come to women and say okay well I have the money so therefore I'm great pick me that's not the case those guys women have a joke internally I say okay I'll have this guy as my husband and cheat on him because that's not the guy that's going to give you the quality you don't find that in the same in the same guy at all rarely do you're lucky I found it but you're lucky if you if you find it in the same guy where the guy is stable able to financially provide for you it's he's protective he gives you that savage like you know personality where he stands his ground and you know he gives you that masculinity type energy mostly the guys that are world-rounded financially they don't have that they don't have the fun quality they don't have the personality they don't have the confidence to even talk to a girl like a future like future would right because they didn't spend those years practicing that whereas future might have spent those years practicing giving what girls want and studying women and talking to women with confidence that comes with practice right developing a personality that comes with practice that comes with you know actually going outside and doing social things