 Anytime I go into grocery stores, you know when I'm out grabbing my You know my extra small Magnum condoms for the hot woman. I hatch sex with on the daily sometimes I get a bit anxious in these stores. You know like hey, what if someone comes in the store and tries to rob everyone? What if like what if someone comes in and just tries to stick everybody up? You know just comes in with some some big-ass bazookas or maybe they bring in some weird-ass alien technology Open up the registers and do it real slow and look bro. You got all the money you want right? Just tell me where you got that fucking gun from but at least I can rely on the brave and valiant security guards that stand watch Yeah, you know the brave and valiant security guards that look like they haven't eaten in 20 days You know maybe grown up in low-income neighborhoods have worked my impression of what actual security guards are supposed to look like But the ones I've seen I really wonder how these interviews are supposed to go. Do you own a gun? No, do you have a permit on a gun? No, let's say for instance, we put you in this ring of fire With this this two-month baby. We just found that the local daycare. Would you be able to overpower him? Probably not you're hired with bonus pay. Let's forget the fact that a lot of these security guards are out of shape Right, you know they're they're either completely malnourished and look like they just got off the set a game of throne season eight Or you know, it's the complete opposite and they look like they just ate the the last security guard that was working there Now I go up to somebody security guards and I'll hit them breathe it heavily Just just wheezing. Yo, yo, yo, what's wrong, bro? You need some water? What happened? You just chase someone You just save a pregnant woman from getting mugged. Tell me man. Let me help you out I've been standing here for 25 minutes. Let's forget all that right Let's forget that you're a weak unathletic piece of shit. Why do you not own a gun? Somebody security guards only own a taser A tape what the fuck is that gonna do someone comes in here with a damn ak-47 I'm about to turn our bones in a swish cheese. You pull out this pocket pussy taser You're kidding me and I kind of get it though. You know, I kind of understand that Security guards aren't actually supposed to keep us safe But they're supposed to give the illusion of safety, you know the illusion that someone's watching You know to keep people from stealing especially during the night times, but every now and then I wonder I always wonder how a security guard would handle a stick-up situation. Man. We're such good robbers, bro We got the exit secured. We got snipers outside aimed at everyone's head just in case they try to make a move What could possibly go wrong put down the bags of money? Huh the security guard we got this entire place pinned down. What are you gonna do about it? Funny you should ask Whoa, whoa Is that it taser? Bro, we're fucked. We're so fucked, bro. Hey relax, bro. We can get through this. We just have to stick together Oh, no, I only have approximately a whole minute and a half to walk out of here At a slightly brisk pace before he can reload his taser Or I can literally just walk backwards a few feet out of his effective range. Whatever will I do?