 So raise your hand if you've ever been in love anytime of your life ever been love, okay? Now when you're in love you're a little crazy, right? Like I things that weren't important before and important are important and things that you know are important aren't an aren't Important, you know, you're just like so taken in by the beloved and all you want to do is spend time with the beloved, right? Now when I was growing up, I'm a passionate. I'm all Italian and I'm originally from Brooklyn I grew up in Staten Island, right? I know a lot of Brooklyn people here a lot of So I'm a passionate Italian girl, all right, but but I gotta tell you even when I dated when I was young I was very logical. I don't know what happened. I don't know. Maybe there's a little German in me I have no idea, but I could tell you I was very logical and I really guarded my heart You know where everybody else is like I'm in love. I'm like you're not in love You're too young to be in love and I was like, you know 15, you know But I had that understanding that love was a gift and and love was something more than a feeling So later on when I finally met my husband, I met him I was doing a retreat in Ann Arbor, Michigan at Christ the King a very charismatic and beautiful parish and I I met him briefly. He was the music minister and Then I saw him again at a big conference We had a mutual friend and I remember when I met him I was like there is something different about this guy Like he just had so much love in his heart. He had his purity his love for God It was like just something in me was like I just loved him so much even though I did barely knew him I'm going, okay, Caroline. You're going crazy. Stop it. You know, like it's gonna hold yourself I'm like every time I tried to like fight it. It just overwhelmed me. It was like this and it wasn't Eros love It was a gothic a gothic love. It was just this deep love. I wanted to sacrifice for him and You know, it just over it, you know Overwhelmed me and then finally my husband Dan told me like on a you know, we barely knew each other He goes it was he goes it was an epic He goes I could have been an epic failure because like he goes he honestly didn't know me that well He's like, I think I'm falling in love with you. I'm like, okay. All right We're on the same page. He he moved to New Jersey and we finally got married yada, yada, yada, okay so Dan wasn't my first love My first love Happened when I was very young So I told you I am a you know, I grew up in Brooklyn at first. I um And my family was like, you know, they were Italian Catholics, you know, we had the sacred heart up, you know Maybe the Lord's Supper for if you're really, you know into that and you know There was a devotion to God, but it was still like, you know more of traditional, you know, just part of the tradition So we went to church on Sundays, but my parents they taught me the feet I mean in the sense that we prayed, you know, I prayed every morning. I had a had a relationship with God I didn't know much about church teaching or anything like that and When I was young I felt very close to God My grandmother had a devotion to the Blessed Mother Taught me the rosary when I was young. I remember I was part of the blue army I joined the blue army when I was really young and made rosaries for prisoners and prayed for the souls and purgatory and and And so I you know and when I was young I really felt like I was called to do big things But I when I could tell you I was ordinary. I was not exceptional at anything. I was average in school I was average in sports. I was averaging about everything that I did but inside I felt this like calling from God you are called to do something great Caroline and Let me tell you something when you're in public school Especially in the New York public school system and the only thing exceptional about you is your love for God It's ugly. Okay. This is not a good thing There is nowhere in the yearbook You know at first it said you know in the yearbook I said most popular most likely to succeed If it's like most likely to become a nun, you are in trouble. All right, so that's where I was at and And I remember like when I got into junior high it was it was rough I mean, you know, it was not easy. All right these these people were mean and I you know, and I was just tired of not fitting in I was tired of Just not being accepted. So I started to compromise my faith And as I got into high school, you know, it's like I wanted both You know, I wanted to be close to God because I did know who the Lord was But I also wanted to you know to to get it, you know become accepted So this is what I would do. Okay. So this is what my week would look like. So I on Sunday I would go to church Wednesday, I would teach CCD and I'm sorry and Sunday I would lecture at my church and I teach CCD I would go to youth group on Wednesday night then Friday I would party hard. Okay, and then Saturday we're gonna go to confession and I would just do that over and over All right, I was like I I was like I just kind of lived a double life. See, I wanted to be So bad I would go to hell But I didn't want to be so good that God might ask me to be a nun So I figure if I drank a little bit, he wouldn't want to drunk none and maybe I would get it to purgatory. That was my plan All right, so that's what I did and and but after a while as you can imagine that wasn't working. Okay I felt I just felt this deep absence in my heart. I knew there was something more You know, I I was I was very mature for my age. Like I knew that I was missing something. I went to a Catholic college by name only okay at first and At this college I was in the honors program. I was dating someone. I was life of the party I had everything you would want at 18 years old, you know, like I had it all and yet again I felt this deep emptiness and I remember, you know going to like philosophy class and the professor at this Catholic school Was teaching that God was not real And I remember being so confused that this professor was teaching me this and I was started to doubt my faith How do I know that Jesus Christ is real? How do I know that my faith, you know, that I've been taught since I was little Is real. How do I didn't know that Buddhism isn't real or Hinduism, you know I once is, you know, just this dark place of just, you know confusion and When I got back from college I remember just going into my room and just having a heart to heart with God Which I'm sure many of you have had when you really lay it all out, you know And I just, I just, you know, I started crying. I was like, God, I don't know if you're real But if you're real and you love me, I will give my life to you. You can ask me to do anything I'll be a nun. I'll be a missionary. You can even send me to Africa. I don't care anymore I just want to I just want to just to know that you you're real and you love me and God was good because you know when we cry out to God, God can't help but answer that prayer because he loves us, right So God started doing all these crazy things and and and I wound up going to a parish mission And I went to the parish mission the first night. It was all right I was a little bit of a punk though, you know, I had my hair Short on one side long on the other was like three different colors You know, it was literally a punk, right? And so the third night was going to be confession And the people that invited me to this mission Were like, yeah, yeah tomorrow's confession. I'm like, all right, let me just tell you something Pat There's no way I'm going to confession. I go first of all if I tell the priest my sins They're probably going to die and it's going to be my fault. I said so I don't want that on my soul And she's like laughing at me. She's like listen Just go and listen to the priest. You don't have to go to the sacrament I'm like, oh, I could do that. You know, I'm like, you know, I could I could so I go to church that day And I'm a punk. I sit all the way in the back like you guys in the back And I uh just joking and I had my hands crossed like that, you know, and and I was like, what is this priest going to say to me What is he what could he possibly say to me? So he gets up and he's really funny and he's like, you know when you're little you're so afraid to go to confession That you make up sins. You're like blessing father if I sinned I hit my brother You don't even have a brother, but you just start making stuff up, you know Like one of my friends is a priest and a little guy came in and said father. I committed adultery It's like son. What do you mean? He goes I acted like an adult, you know, like when we're little we're confused. We're like I cover to my neighbor's wife I kill someone, you know, we're just nervous and he goes, but you know what when you're little you're afraid But when you get when you're older You know, that's god's mercy that is the lord himself that forgives you in that sacrament And god, we don't have to be afraid and I was like, oh gosh, I'm gonna all right. All right. All right, laura I'll go I'll go to confession, you know Now because I'm a punk and I'm in the back the confessions are at the front of the church But the time I get on this line is like an hour long, you know It isn't that the worst when you're waiting online to confession for an hour You're sweating. You're trying to figure out what you're gonna say, you know all that Well, there was this girl in front of me And she was like the only young person at this thing and you know light is beaming down on heaven, you know from how he was like Oh, you know, she's praying the rosary. She's very holy and I'm like, all right You know, if I could just talk to this girl just to pass the time So I'm like, oh god, please help this holy girl. Stop praying. I need to talk to her, you know And then and then finally she stopped praying. I'm like, oh, my name is caroline and and in while we're walking She's like, listen, I belong to this prayer group. Here's my number. Let me get your number You really should go. This is gonna be it would be really great for you So finally it's my time to go to confession And I just give one of the most heartfelt confessions I had ever done in my life up to that point And I remember when I left the confessional The thought that went through my head is Satan you're out of my life that there were just sins I couldn't break free from there was something about This moment in this sacrament that I knew my heart was ready to live for him Now god knew that caroline at the time gambali was not going to make it. Okay No matter what I just didn't have like I had a whole life of sin waiting for me, right? I had my boyfriend I had I had my father got me to get got me to get Got me my fake id so I could drink in college, right? So I was all set up to go back and party, you know But my heart was there. So lord knew I needed more So that girl calls me up and she's like, hey, you want to come to this prayer group? Now I'm on a roll I figure all right now. I've been to a mission What's a prayer group? You know, we'll see what that's about, you know So I called my friend. I didn't want to go alone. So Call my friend lauren like lauren. Could you come to this prayer group with me? You should the only friend that wasn't partying in college like everybody else So anyways, so my friend lauren and I go to this prayer group and I saw something I never seen before Happy catholics these catholics were happy. All right, they were praising the lord I was like, I don't know what this is but they were happy and they were so happy to see me I was young. They were like all hugging me, you know in new york, you don't hug I mean, maybe if you know someone you're italian, but I was like, I don't know these people and they're hugging me I'm like give me a little room anyway, so So the prayer group goes and they start witnessing to these miracles that god has done They prayed over this like little child in medjugorje and that child was blind and was able to see And I remember sitting there in my seat go. I want to know god like that And at the end of the prayer group, they said if anyone wants prayer come to the back of the church So I was like, you know, I need prayer, you know, so I started getting online to be prayed with All right, so I'm so watching people, you know, I'm like, you know praying god And I feel like god's saying currently this is your moment to give it all to me So I'm like, okay, then I see something that I had not seen before I saw people go from the vertical position to the horizontal position And I am not happy. Okay. I go. Oh my gosh. I joined the cult. I gotta get out of here I'm like, this is crazy. I don't see this I don't see this at church, you know, I don't see this is ccd. No one told me about this So I start to like see the exit, you know, if you have people there from brookley, it was mount marisa with this retreat center So I started making my way towards the exit and that girl michelle that I met online goes, are you okay? I go, no, no, no, I'm not okay. You know call 911 911 man down man down like why are we acting like this is all right This is not all right. She's like, oh caroline. That's the holy spirit. I'm like, all right Well, I don't really want the whole spirit. She goes, no, no, no, no, no The holy spirit works in different ways and different people. You don't have to be afraid Anyway, so my friend loren is german. She's a good german stock. She goes, listen I'll go first when the little Italian leaves try to push me down I'll fight them off and I won't fall So then when it's your turn, you could go and then, you know, they'll try to push you down and you know You'll be you'll be okay, you know, because I went first. I'm like, okay, that's great. Great. You go first You show me, you know, so loren goes the little tanglies Surround her. I'm like watching loren and all of a sudden, what do you think happens to loren? She falls down. She rests in the spear. I'm like, oh, no, I want to like kick loren. I'm like, oh, you know I'm stepping over. It's my turn And that's a little tangly surround me. So I tell the little as because I'm you know, I'm gonna I'm from brooklyn You know originally I'm like, listen If I fall it's not because of the holy spirit It's because I fainted and they're like, ha ha ha Praise you jesus and they all just started laying hands on me and praying with me. All right, so Now I really truly wanted the holy spirit, but I didn't want to fall So I was like I get into this position. All right. I was like if I squat These little attanions can't do it. So I'm like, so I have my my hands open I'm like, oh god coming to my life. I love you. Don't let me fall lord. I love you I love you. Don't let me fall and I'm like, and I'm trying to be open and yet like trying to like, you know, Brace my body just in case the little tiger's trying to push me As I'm praying I just feel this incredible power of the lord Just fill me All of my being with this presence of love And it overwhelms me and I rest in the spirit and it's like I gotta tell you I didn't know what was going on, you know at the moment, but I remember thinking you are real god And when I came up from that, I finally get up someone goes, this is your new birthday I had no idea. I'm like, happy birthday to me. What are these people talking about? Fill with joy like I gotta tell you I was so filled with love for god for god's people I remember being I had an internship in Manhattan And I was on the Staten Island ferry and literally I wanted to go to people and say I love you I was like a crazy woman. All right. I was in love. All right. I was in love I just wanted to love Jesus. Okay, so I I always say that The holy spirit helped me to fall in love with Jesus Christ, but it was the Eucharist that sustained it I wanted to transfer into franciscan university and that is where my love for the Eucharist grew Everyone went to daily mass. All right, this place is like every mass is filled. I started going to daily mass And then I started to learn how to adore the lord in the blessed sacrament Now I came into the school like I just found the lord I I was very raw and these people like when I first came in they were like all the single people like oh This girl needs help, you know, so I this one girl every day. She would come to me and say So would it god say to you today? I'm like, uh, what? What Carolyn would a god say to you today? I was like, uh, hi, I don't know What do you say to you? I don't know what's going on So like for like every day she would ask me this question and finally I'm like, what are you talking about? God talks to you. What do you I don't understand what you mean? She goes follow me And she brings me into my dorm to a little chapel She goes every day you need to spend time here And she showed me like she had her bible She goes, you know, get a bible you read the scriptures you journal and she taught me how to have holy hour So I was like, okay, so the next day I go in I'm like I sat in front of the lord I'm like lord, you got to help me here You got to talk to me because this girl's gonna find me and I have to tell her something that you told me Because she is driving me crazy, you know, and that's how I learned to listen And it was in the blessed sacrament the lord taught me how to forgive It was in with the blessed sacrament the lord guided my life that he spoke to my heart that he that he Helped me through deep deep trials, you know, that is with sustained my love. What is your love story? What is your love story? Do you remember when you felt that first calling to be ordained? When you felt that sense that god was setting you apart for something amazing and beautiful That you knew your life was going to be different Your journey was going to be different. Do you remember that love that you had that you would sacrifice all? Do you remember the moment that day you were ordained? And the excitement you had and the nervousness you had When the when the bishop anointed you with oil Priests you remember when the when the when the bishop anointed your hands with a lot of oil And priests from all over your diocese came and laid hands on you Do you remember the first time that you that you heard a confession? That you baptized a baby that you anointed the sick? God wants us to recapture that first love You know, I remember when I you know when I first gave my life to god, I would get I mean I wanted to get everything I've lost a little of that spunk. I know you see a lot of spunk, but I can still have more spunk for the lord, all right But god wants us to give all our first love needs to be the Eucharist This is there's no priesthood without the Eucharist and no Eucharist without the priesthood I've been I've read many incredible books that have shaped my spirituality many many saints But there's one book in particular That had a very profound effect on me and it was um, he leadeth me by father wall to chezak. Has anyone ever read that book? This is an amazing book Okay, it's about this what his story is that he was a young and during the time of world war two He was a young um A Jesuit priest and when he was in the seminary one day his superior came Look at flashing lights. Whoo. All right. So um His superior came in one day and wrote and read a letter from Pope pious the 11th Asking the priest that specifically the Jesuit priests if any of them would go into russia and to help the people of god there because a lot of the bishops and priests Were were um being you know imprisoned and sent to labor camps So this is distracting. So if anyone could get rid of these lights that would be really helpful. Okay, so anyway, um Okay, so basically what happened was He when he became a priest he was sent, you know, he finally was able to get into russia He was in poland something happened in poland I think germany was taking over and he was able to sneak into russia at that time with a lot of confusion And when he got there he spent a little bit of time, but he was quickly Arrested they found out who he was and he was he was imprisoned for 23 years Five years in solitary confinement And then in those five in those times of solitary confinement when he really was at his weakest point When he was really being tortured and and and he was really not in a good place He signed a confession saying he was a Vatican spy So they sent him Um To 15 years of hard labor at a Siberian Um labor camp So this man really suffered but what's really interesting He says the hardest time of that whole time that I was there was in solitary confinement Because I couldn't celebrate the Eucharist He said I hungered for the Eucharist. I've been hungered for food. They would give him such little food to eat I longed to hold jesus in my hands. I longed to receive him. He goes this was my greatest cross So when he was sent to the library the the labor camp what was interesting is he found out quickly He could say mass because they had this elaborate system of of people outside the labor camp and inside the labor camp to bring in Wine and and they would be able to save the little bit of bread they had for food to to consecrate it So he was excited about that. But this is what he said. I want to I want to I'll quote him Because it's so beautiful Because sometimes I think that those who have never been deprived of an opportunity To say or hear mass Do not really appreciate the treasure the mass is I know in any event when it came to me mean to me and the other priests I met in the soviet union I know the sacrifices we made the risks we ran in order to just have a chance to say or hear mass When we were constantly hungry in the camps when the food we got each day was just barely enough to keep us going I have seen priests pass up breakfast and work at hard labor on an empty stomach until noon In order to keep the Eucharistic fast because the noon break was when we could Get together and have a hidden mass The intensity of devotion of both priests and prisoners made up for everything There were no altars candles bells flowers music Yet in these primitive conditions the mass brought you closer to god than anyone might conceivably imagine The realization of what was happening penetrated deep into the soul We would be severely punished if we were discovered saying mass There were always informers, but the mass us was always worth the danger and the sacrifice We treasured it. We look forward to it. We would do almost anything in order to say or attend a mass And I would go to any length suffer any inconvenience run any risk to make the bread of life available to these men He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood shall have life and have it more abundantly These men were simple And and had a direct faith Grant, you know grasp this truth. They believed it. They could not explain it as a theologian might But they accepted it and lived by it and were willing to make voluntary sacrifices Even in a life of almost total deprivation in order to receive the bread of life Mass and the blessed sacrament Were a source of great consolation to me. They were the source of my strength and my joy and spiritual subsidence But it was when I realized what the holy eucharist meant to these men What sacrifice they were able to make for it that I felt animated Privileged and driven to make it possible for them to receive the bread of life as often as they wished No danger. No risk. No retaliation Could prevent me from saying mass every day for them As often as you do this do it in memory of me life in the labor camps was Calvary For these men and in ways in many ways There was nothing I would not do to offer the sacrifice of Calvary again for them each day in the mass One of the most incredible gifts Fala Chesk was able to receive is really to be without the Eucharist Because in that time he came to appreciate this gift that many of us take for granted amen He longed for it. He yearned for it. He knew he needed it He is a he is a priest that understood that the Eucharist was not only the source and summit of his faith It was the source and summit of his life Of his existence Do we desperately need Jesus like that Do we go to the Eucharist With that desperate need for him With that longing for him That's father welder Pope Benedict 16 said it is impossible to receive the Lord every day taking his body and blood into our hands Pronouncing the tremendous and wonderful words. This is my body. This is my blood without letting ourselves be seized by him Without letting ourselves be won by fascination for him without letting his infinite love changes from within Do we have that feather? Or do we need to like renew that feather? Do we need to renew our love? So, how do we do this? You know, um, the first thing is spend time with him You know, every vocation is about fulfilling God's call to love, right? Oh, even in married life If you're not spending time with the beloved you get cranky All right, and it's I'm sure it's the same with you when you're not spending time with the Lord You're gonna be cranky. All right. You're gonna say, why did I get myself into this? Sometimes when marriage I go, what what did I what was I thinking? You know, I have little ones are all asking me for things Holy cow, you know, but you forget when you when you don't spend time with the beloved you forget and and So it's important to take that time. So anyway, we have you know, we have the four child that got a little crazy in our house all right, um And and you know, we sometimes we just feel like we're just getting by each day We're just trying to manage these little ones. We're just, you know, and we're cranky towards each other You know, we're frustrated, you know And and you get you get to a bit, you know a crazy point So anyway, there's a there's a comedian Jim Gaffigan when he had his fourth child He said, you know, a lot of people are asking me. What is it like to have four children? He goes picture yourself drowning And someone handing you a baby, okay? And that's how it feels, you know, and you're like you're just trying to manage it. You're just dying, you know so A couple of a month or a half ago Dan's company Had a trip, okay to a resort and they were allowed to invite their wives So we went and we went with the baby too because she was just you know, born And you know, we spent time together. We enjoyed each other's company. We laughed and we were just able to just renew Our covenant of marriage, you know, just by just just by just hanging out having fun together, you know Without the responsibilities of these little ones, you know And I remember after that trip. I'm like Oh, I like him That's why I married him. I forgot he's driving me so crazy But when I was able to take that depreciate him again And we need to do that with the Eucharist, right? We need to go to that first love We need to get sustained by the Lord To hear His heart cry for you to share your heart's cry To rest in him to hear his voice about how he's calling us to pastor We need that intimacy with the beloved, you know intimacy is into me see Into me see In adoration we We see the beloved the beloved allows us to see into his heart and the Lord invites us To let him see into ours And it's this beautiful love exchange and don't underestimate the power Of of your time with the Lord Of your intimacy with the Lord because when a priest or a deacon Loves the Eucharist and is spending time in adoration. We could tell Okay, we could tell the fruit of your contemplation comes out in your preaching when a priest loves the Lord It flows when he talks about Jesus and he doesn't just talk about it from a historical sense He's talking about Jesus that he knows that he he loves that he's heard from When the priest is in love with the Eucharist when he says mass You could tell he's taking time when he prays that those words of consecration You could tell it's his love song It's coming from his heart. He's trying to say every word deliberately with his heart So no it makes a difference The Lord wants to be seen Into me see and this one says what happened on the road to amass and I love this story You know, you know, some of his disciples, you know, were you know walking along the path and they were you know They were upset, you know, Jesus had died. There was confusion, you know, like he was popping up different places, you know And and and you know, it's cool like God gives Jesus one of the coolest Superhero disguises of all. Okay. So like, you know Jesus is Jesus, you know He does miracle stuff and now no one can recognize him, you know, so he's having fun with it All right, he's popping around and stuff So he he said the disciples are walking along the way and he's like, you know, I'm just gonna show up to this Thing and and he's very like chill about it. You know, he just kind of walks with them He's like So like what are you guys talking about, you know, and these guys are like, oh, you know, what's wrong with you? You know, like did you hear about Jesus dying in Jerusalem? and I'm telling him about the whole story and and then they're like, yeah, and then You know, the women went to the tomb here and then these angels came they said he's alive And then we all ran to the tomb, but you know, we couldn't see him Fuck it's so funny because they you know, they can't see him, but they walk him with Jesus, right? And they walk it for a long time And they still couldn't see him Then he says in scripture that Jesus, you know, he's like, all right, these guys are dojos I kind of explain the scripture why this, you know, the son of God had to die for them So he starts explaining all the scriptures and it says that they had fire burning in their hearts When he was talking to about the word of God And they still didn't see him Elf, I was Jesus. I would have been like you clowns, you know You know, here I am. I'm Jesus But Jesus says something very profound It says And it happened that while he was with them at table, he took the bread Said the blessing and broke it and gave it to them It says and when he gave it to them At their eyes were opened and they recognized him But he vanished from their sight It's so amazing When Jesus gives the Eucharist to them take it from him. It's like their eyes were opened And and in this incredible moment where they're like, whoa It's like that he he disappears like where do you go? Where do you go? You know And it was like Jesus was saying to them Don't look for me In my resurrected state I am here I am here. I am the bread of life I have become your sustenance and this is enough Look to me here How beautiful In the summit, uh I'm sorry for the Eucharist All right, that's the routine is I haven't been doing good at clicking. All right. There you go. We're gonna get the whole story Here it says the unseen god manifested himself In the word made flesh his son Jesus christ After the ascension what until then was visible of our redeemer was changed into a sacramental presence For this reason we see one thing and understand another we see a man Jesus But we make an act of faith in god And I love what mother Teresa says Very beautiful When you look at the crucifix you understand how much Jesus loved you then When you look at the sacred host you understand how much Jesus loves you now And just like the disciples we can spend a whole lot of time with Jesus, right? But do we see him? Do we truly see him? And if you ask me how much time should I spend in adoration, you know, I'm busy I'm bit we are all busy. Oh my gosh. I'm so busy. I can't even tell you. Okay, so I'm not judging anyone. All right I would say this Spend as much time in adoration until you feel satisfied that you have seen him and he has seen you You know one of the most beautiful stories Um about adoration that I've you know, I've ever heard Is about um this that little girl in china You know during the boxer Rebellion in 1900 when the communists took over china You know, they're trying to get rid of anything that resembled christianity because it represented the western world And one day in this little town in china There was just there was these children in in a catholic school room And this inspector came in and he started when he saw this all the images of god around He started like ripping them off the walls like the crucifixes and the holy pictures and and he was screaming at these children And he and he ordered the kids to put all these things in a box and bring it to the toilet bowl At first the kids resisted, but then you know because he had a he had a you know a gun They they started to do what he said But there was this little girl in the back of the classroom And she just had her head down like this And when this inspector saw her he says screaming at her do as I say And she just didn't move she just just kept her head down and just a tear came down from her eye And she just stood there So the inspector said get this girl's father So they they take the girl's father and then at this point they move all the children into the church And now at this point they have a whole crowd gathered And this inspector um Gets the Eucharist takes out the Eucharist and he orders the soldiers To to desecrate the Eucharist to stomp on the Eucharist to show them that this is not god And he said to them do you still believe in the fairy tales your priests has told you? And the little girl just sat there at this point another Soldier came in that was more familiar with the town and made a deal with this with this inspector to disperse the The crowd they took the father away The people left and it just the little girl remained at the communion rail The priest was locked into a coal bin where he was able to see a little bit through this little opening And this little girl finally left But that night This priest heard a noise in the church He looks in his little, you know view and he sees that little girl come in Very quietly come in She kneels down before one of the hosts She prays She puts her head down and with her tongue she takes a consecrated host She kneels she kneels back up and folds her hands and says a prayer And then she quietly leaves And each night this little girl came to adore the lord to protect the lord to receive the lord And so one day She woke up a soldier and to the horror of the priest She was shot The soldier runs forward sees the little girl Is is visibly shaken and runs out of the church Then he comes back in he lets the priest out the priest comes to the little girl And and she is she has definitely passed away But this this communist soldier said to the priest If there was a little girl like this in every town I don't believe any soldier could fight for communism Now this her martyrdom was not in vain this story went from priest to priest from town to town In fact when when fulton sheen heard this story It was this story that inspired him to make a holy hour for the rest of his life He made a promise to god to spend an hour in adoration and to spread that devotion You know to everyone he meets The second thing is make your heart a tabernacle for him You know it's so interesting On how many of god's mysteries are revealed in creation, right? So like we see it in the holy trinity in the family, you know, and so we had when we had our fourth baby You know it was a pretty pretty cool thing because we had lost a few babies before that So when I was pregnant I was like I just got to really take this in you know Like because the first three were so fast that I couldn't even think about it But like the third the fourth, but I'm like I'm going to really Remember this you know and there was just something so beautiful About caring life, you know like even when the baby is within you you feel little kicks and stuff And and you're like wow, you know, this is you know, you really realize this is life You know you you could press on your stomach and the baby responds response to voices But you can't see this baby You know it was like there's still a veil between me and the baby, you know, I didn't know what she looked like I didn't know she had a little pout when she would cry I didn't know what a color eyes she had or or you know what her smile looked like You know, but when I finally had her, you know, I see this, you know This this beautiful baby And I and I I'm like wow And I finally saw her face and I said she doesn't look like me God, what are you thinking? No, but but I I but I she was mine and I was like, you know, we were so You know overwhelmed with joy But I could tell you even when I didn't feel her movement. I loved what I could not see I loved what I could not see And Mary the mother of God bore Jesus She was the bearer of God and we are called to bear Jesus right but being a living tabernacle for him And just like a mother carries, you know a baby and and feel signs of Of their presence, even though we cannot see it's the same thing with the Eucharist, right? We hear about Eucharistic miracles and it inflames our faith We hear God when we pray we hear his the Lord speaking to our hearts We feel his love when we receive him We love we we cannot see And the Lord just wants us to prepare a tabernacle for him A place where he can rest a place where he could be he's not loved in the world He needs a place to rest. He needs a place to be And so that is what the Lord is calling us to You know when I went with father Cheswick in that story he leadeth me what really Just really touched me is that um even though the priests would have to sometimes fast From dinner all the way through noon A lot of the prisoners had a fast even to the next dinner Because they weren't able to go to mass at noon because they didn't want to have a lot of people around the priests Or else they would get arrested, you know people would know So those prisoners doing this hard labor would fast Okay for like a whole day doing the most intense work You know that they had Because of their great love and I was thinking about these these guys were dirty They were uneducated. They were they were had nothing to offer, you know And yet they made the most beautiful tabernacle of their hearts for the Lord And and they put me to shame They put me to shame how many times have I gone to the Eucharist not prepared my heart How many times I've been late for church how many times I've been distracted during the consecration and yet these men Put me to shame I'll tell you embarrassing story. The other day I was at mass and my seven-year-old daughter goes Mom What's this part of the mass? This is amazing. What is it called? I'm like honey. It's the beginning of mass, you know But we're always so late for church that she thought this was so cool like that that these priests were, you know Coming down the I was like my husband's like, oh my gosh, you know, it was like this epic fail You know the whole of shame of all catholic parents I'm like, I was like it's the opening him honey is opening him. I'm like, oh my gosh It was like Jesus is speaking to me through the child, you know, like Caroline You need to come to mass on time, you know, but it was embarrassing, you know But this thing about making your heart a living tabernacle, you know, um You know, the lord gave me a profound vision of this But before I go into this, how many of you know a control freak raise your hand How many of you are a control freak raise your hand? Okay. Now i'm italian, okay Now how many people have an italian way for an italian mother? All right Not many. Okay. Well these let me tell you something. They're very controlling. All right If you've seen everyone loves reamon, you know, the mother-in-law, it's ugly. Okay They like to control everything. I have it in me too. It can't help it. All right, so but um You know, you any any any culture that puts saran that puts um plastic on the couches has got issues Okay, because when you are trying to protect the couch from being sat upon it's ugly. All right, you got control issues all right, so And this is something about being clean But anyway, when I so when I was growing up when we would have relatives come over the house I mean our cleaning situation went to def con one. All right, it was like There was you know, he's not even italian. He understands right? It was crazy and we was like, you know There was screaming yelling going on vacuums are coming out. There was like, you know, it was just bad You know, we were all like, you know, we had to put everything away I remember trying to shove things in my closet and my mother found me She's like your tizzy rose is gonna look in that closet. So you get those toys out of there It's like it was like this this I hate your company, you know because we had to just clean everything But there was nothing like when the first grandchild came All right, that was taken to a whole new level germs with the enemy My mother had chlorox on one hand and lysol on the other. She was going through that house There were things sprayed and clean that we had never seen before. All right We were ready for this baby. All right. This is like the baby babies coming the babies coming. All right So I um I came home the night before the baby was going to come into the house And and you know, I I'm not wanting to have visions or dreams But when I've had them throughout my life, they have made a big impact on me and this night was going to be one of those nights So I have this dream and the lord is showing me. He's like taking me through my house He's like, look how this is clean. I go. Maybe I was like is god italian. What is this? Why are you so concerned about the clean? I mean he really was just saying They say how this is clean and this is clean. I'm like, okay lord. Yeah, I see that, you know And the lord said something to me. He said How I wish my children would prepare their hearts for holy communion as you have prepared for this child And he showed me this innocence and beauty of this baby And he's like and he showed me his heart and how beautiful and innocent and holy And it was just the sadness in the lord that we do not prepare our hearts for him And I was I remember waking up out of the dream and just crying I was like lord and I felt like it was like I felt this message. It was not just for me personally It was for like the world And I felt this incredible just deep Understanding how important it was to make your heart a holy place for him He deserves our best He deserves our best So the next thing is you know when we spend time with the beloved When we make our heart a tabernacle The next thing is we want to share the Eucharist right when we are in love with someone We want everyone to know about the beloved That's what love does we want to give that and the most beautiful thing we could do as priests and deacons and and you know sent priests to be Is to to to one teach about the Eucharist to our people Where there is indifference when there is doubt we need to teach about the reality that this is jesus christ And that god loves them and wants to make his home in their hearts That's the gift we need to give to our people. But the second thing is to offer adoration Is to offer adoration, you know dan and I we do parish missions around the country Okay, my husband and I and we adoration is a big part of our mission We have adoration almost every night of our mission But the first night we do something really special we we we talk about the hemorrhaging woman And then we either use the altar cloth that we put like uh like a cloth all the way down You know to the to the edge of the um altar and we we invite people we say Jesus christ is here in the blessed sacrament come up We're going to invite you to come up around the altar and and touch the hem of jesus And just just pray from your heart whatever it is that you need And we watch and a lot of the people that we attract You know our ministry really attracts like young families really attracts a lot of people that aren't going to church So sometimes this is the first time they've ever been in adoration And they come they come up And and you can see like this this this incredible like change in in there in the who the in there You know in their expression you see that they believe you see they're being touched You know and and it's funny because one day, you know, I was doing uh uh a mission for father midori in brooklyn and A guy came over to me because that was amazing I was able to get so close to jesus And I just wanted to chuckle because I was like you just received him a couple of hours ago I mean you received the bread of life But there's something about adoration There's something about Seeing jesus You know like the lord wants to be seen there's something and that that people's eyes are open to the reality of this divine love