 Good afternoon, good morning wherever you are in the world. This is Dave Kelly and today I get that wonderful opportunity of interviewing and talking with Gailene Simpson. Now Gailene has recently finished the P90 alcohol-free lifestyle program. This has been done for both the alcohol-free lifestyle podcast for James Swannick and also for Dave Kelly for the Manship Project podcast. So we're going to jump straight into it. And as I said, I had a great opportunity for three months every week I got to speak to Gailene about her progress in the phenomenal decisions she made which was to stop drinking alcohol for 90 days and then just see what benefits came out of that and then consider does she want to keep that up for the rest of her life or maybe it was just a 90-day thing. So you are looking fantastic Gailene I've got to say. Thanks Dave. Yeah I definitely feel fantastic. Feel fantastic. Yeah well you're I don't know I mean in so many different ways you look fantastic and I know you're sitting over there in New Zealand and it's starting to get coming into the winter but from what you were telling me when we when we talked each week you'd really been able to up level lift your life up in so many different ways health relationships your own happiness and things like that. So apart from not drinking alcohol what other things have changed in your life over the period of doing the program? I think some of the big benefits were like I was always into exercising and running and my running for instance I've taken eight minutes off my 4k run which is huge. The weight loss like you don't realize even the puffiness that you get from drinking and that's not everyday drinking that's just social drinking weekend drinking and how the extra weight loss just creeps on as well. So during the program without even trying because we all know Dave I ended up with a bit of a chocolate addiction there for a little while and so I came up for sugar but even during the program I lost 13 centimetres off my waist so which is massive and that wasn't even trying and that was just giving up the sugar and the alcohol. Wow do you think it was a combination of stopping the calories from the alcohol as well as using that time that you might have been sitting around drinking not being very active and then going out and doing more active things? Yeah yeah totally and also the sleep like sleep was a big thing you know they always say sleep is a really good benefit to everything in your life you know exercise better think better you're more clear but the sleep piece for me was huge and I don't think I've never ever slept during the night I'd wake up two or three times and because of might have been stressed something happened at work we're now yeah I love going to bed because I sleep and I have great quality sleep and I actually wake up in the morning and bounce out of bed. Wow that's amazing What about time? I mean obviously a lot of us when we were drinking and I've been alcohol free now for two years everything and then I might have a drink just to you know in a certain social context but generally speaking I find that doesn't add anything to my life and I know we've talked about you know this this whole way we grew up learning to think about drinking alcohol it's just almost like it's all it's part of us from a kid and we just roll on with our life expecting that we will drink alcohol just like all the TV ads and the printed ads tell us is what adults do but it amounts to a whole lot of time doesn't it and so you've got all this extra time on your hands now and since you start the program what's that done for the quality time with your family you know with your son and your husband? Well it's definitely I guess when you are spending time with them it's more quality because you're present and you're just so much more organised in the evenings and in the weekends so you can plan your weekends around you know and you need to get out and do stuff instead of talking about it you take action so there's been lots of things happen around the house and lots of things personally and as a family we're actually planning and doing more of now. Did that surprise you all those benefits that came out of it or was it like you were just hoping you'd get the chance to be able to let those things develop more in your family life? I guess I sort of thought well definitely was going to be some benefit especially for doing it for 90 days because 90 days is a really long time but once I sort of got into the program the 90 days went quite quickly but I love Sunday mornings I love getting up now on a Sunday morning and I'd never used to run over 10ks and now I can get up on a Sunday morning and go for a 10k run and what better way to start a Sunday morning no hangover, clear-headed even if I do end up going out in the evening and having a late night I'm still I'm not waking up I'm still resting I'm still having good sleep and getting on with my Sunday and doing all those fun things that I actually enjoy that I used to think about. Okay so what would a Sunday morning in the past have been like? Well I guess it sort of depends if we went out I probably definitely would have over indulged and drunk too much wine and and then I would have been laying in bed till nine o'clock having cooked breakfast you know and then slowly getting into some of the jobs if we'd been out the night before so and now it's all about go out the night before but I can still jump out of bed and go for a run do those jobs and actually have some you know quality me time as well as family time which is really important. That was the next thing I was going to get on to was a lot more time on your hands for family for just you know doing things but also how's your relationship with yourself is that is that a thing to really ask you know has your relationship with yourself improved by virtue of the fact that you've been a bit clearer in your mind? Yeah totally and I think that's I don't know I was sort of brought up to there was one thing about the program was you actually had to talk about your feelings because I guess with the marketing and alcohol and you know this is how you celebrate you have a wine you have a bit don't work go home and have a wine it'll be okay you know what I mean and I think as you get older sometimes that wine could turn to two and then of course you're not so clearheaded and you're quite tired so yeah totally when I think about my relationship with myself is I'm more confident in making decisions because I'm clear and also I guess it's you learn to who you are definitely yeah so it sounds like the investment in time and you're having the time but also putting that time towards yourself and your family and other things fitness etc jobs around the house the investment in that time has yielded a pretty great return oh yeah I definitely got more out of the program than I thought so much more yeah so Galene what was the final straw to make you change because I think from memory you'd thought about this type of making a decision like this but you know at the time I know I know that it was like a massive decision and I remember talking to you and you were there was a few situations at work maybe or other social situations coming up and you're a little bit nervous about how you should handle it because normally you rock into these situations maybe not so much work but social situations and what's the what's the status quo well everyone's standing there with a drink and the drinking all of a sudden you're coming in and fix your drink no thanks well what's wrong what's wrong and then it leads to all this inquiry but I know there was a few times initially that you're a bit anxious and is that true take us back to what those what that transition was like I sort of um I guess I joined the program because there was a couple of reasons and behind it I'd been following James and it was more about I guess we're brought up in a culture where alcohol is quite accepting and it comes part of your lifestyle you know barbecues in New Zealand you know go rugby have a beer you know get a job celebrate it's have bubbles and it's a huge culture here in New Zealand and I I sort of I don't know I came after new years and was like actually I don't want to be part of this I actually want to find out more about what James is about and what this 90 day challenge is because by reading the reviews it was you could tell that okay it was about it was focused on people stopping drinking for 90 days it was um more about entrepreneurs and but there was more to it and I wanted to be part of that so social situations the first couple were a little bit hairy um but I was fortunate enough um my husband said well if you're gonna do it I'm gonna do it too so he came on the journey with me yeah so he was on the journey for 90 days wasn't on the program with me but uh but even he noticed um lots of changes even in himself so the first couple of social situations was quite interesting because we've always been plans to drink and to not not drinking people were like wow that's pretty cool but then you know going back and seeing them 60 days later they're like you're still not drinking and we're like no we're not and we're choosing not to and we're actually you know finding this quite good and then those people would start talking wow I wish I could do that and you know you come an inspiration to other people though so that's quite nice really oh yeah wonderful so do you think that there's a lot of people think about this because of the you know the Sunday morning after Sunday morning after Sunday morning getting up thinking oh my lord I feel crook I want to be sick or I just feel so rotten and then you go and have this maybe a you know massive breakfast to try and help over and get over that um do you think there's a lot of people thinking oh I wish I could break out of this this this box somehow like have you found that in your family and friends just from their level of interest in you doing this I don't think anyone's ever admitted it to me but I guess now that I'm on the other side and I'm still choosing not to drink um I think you sort of people start to look at you and think wow actually you're looking really good and they started to question what have you been doing but I remember you and me Dave talked about this and it was only right at the end of the program and I was like oh my goodness this whole program is not about the alcohol it's actually about all the feelings that you feel and you'd use alcohol to numb and not all feelings but some feelings yet but the issue is that you still have those feelings it's after you've numbed with alcohol bear one glass two glasses of wine a bottle whatever so and I remember we talked about this and it was only at about 87 days I recognised that and it was it was actually learning to deal with all the emotions that come up and finding ways of coping in a different way and sometimes that is actually just sitting and doing nothing wow I remember vividly when you we were talking on that particular day and you said David it's not about the alcohol it's not about the alcohol it's about whatever it is in our life that we're using to avoid feeling those feelings of you know things like not feeling good enough not feeling loved feeling underappreciated all these things these negative horrible feelings which pop up and how when those things come up what do we do how do we deal with them well one way that's socially acceptable is to grab a drink and that's what we've been doing you know most of us since most you know most people in the in our countries maybe since the age of 16 that's how I numb out of it and sort of zone out of it get rid of it and it was so cool to hear you see that because I thought she's got it man she has got this and this is a lesson that is so deep in your experience that that's really that's what transformation is all about isn't it yeah that's right and I think for me a lot of it was stress but the funny thing is is now that I don't drink I don't get as stressed and if I do I find a way to withdraw it because I go to the core and go well actually what has caused the stress what do I need to do to check that so you know you sort of things would bottle but now it's like you go well actually that's what's caused it do I need to worry about that what can I do to change that what needs to be done or actually not let's just detach the trailer here and move on and forget about it and so yeah this my three levels are way way down I must admit I'm so much more relaxed and it's probably the most I've felt relaxed than I don't know probably 15 years really wow that's phenomenal was that were they benefits revelations like changes which you weren't even thinking might come ah hadn't no idea that would happen like and I guess I sort of gave up coffee at the same time because I was you know I always talk about liver loading drinking coffee caffeine in the morning and liver loading with wine you know what I mean those sorts of things so I gave up both at the same time well I gave up coffee a little bit beforehand and you know you'd get I don't know some people get heart populations if you drink too much coffee and things and so I sort of gave up both of them I've sort of gone back to drinking a little bit I have one coffee a day now real coffee because I actually enjoyed coffee but um yeah and it was a perfect time to go right okay let's actually have a really good detox here mm-hmm it sounds to me generally like you are empowered you feel you look you sound like this empowered woman who's able to choose well I have a coffee now I don't have six I have I choose I'm choosing strategically what you want to occur in your life is that something that's that's that's apparent to me is that how you're feeling more confident generally in life yeah definitely Dave and I think also when I make decisions now I'm making a conscious decision not an unconscious decision so and it's even when it comes to food you sort of go well it's very similar isn't it like do I you know you go to go for the chocolate biscuit and then it's like in half the time you make an unconscious decision and you're already eating it before you actually realize what you've done and I've actually learned to make conscious decisions so if I go to eat something now I think actually do I need that is that going to be a benefit to me actually no I better off having something a carrot or an apple or something more healthy so it has taught me to make more conscious decisions which half you know prior to that I was walking around making unconscious decisions all the time because I was just yeah that's how you did things and that's how you drunk alcohol is unconscious decision right yeah yeah if you I think we do a lot of things don't we that are unconscious it's from our it's how we're it's you know we've got it we've got a consciousness about us which is a certain way but we're not actually sure how that started like that and where the origins of those things were but I think science would tell us and the research would say that a lot of the decisions of who we are that of our concept of who we are formed somewhere between zero and eight and you know so things like advertising parent parental income social status and environment during location in the world all these sorts of things cultural experiences all have inputs as to how we are but in the end of it we end up just being this unconscious being who's going through life not really taking command and the thing I'm really impressed about with you Galen is that you just seem like you are definitely in the seat of decision in your life and it's wonderful I'm sure that I'm sure that those around you work colleagues family are really noticing those changes and yeah definitely my son he's just like well you're not so tired anymore mum and you know I guess yeah alcohol makes you tired didn't realize how much that can make you tired even if it is only that weekend binge or you know you go out on a Saturday night drink too much and have a late night yeah um you know it was one of his comments is oh mum you're not so tired anymore which is huge how do you feel how do you feel in relation to your son being his mum and him now looking at you as as this new version of yourself someone who's choosing not to drink and seeing all these benefits like that what does that do for you thinking about how the image that you're presenting to your son I for me it's probably the biggest gift I can give him is actually being able to one show him that you know you can be happy and have fun and still be a great person without alcohol and I'm not saying that I won't drink again in the future but at least when if I do it will be a conscious decision and also I guess being able to give him from what I've learnt from this program about you know feelings and talking about things and actually being vulnerable and having the courage that's something I can pass on to him which and show him that just because there's the advertising out there that you need to drink or you know because it is everywhere that actually that is advertising and that's what it's there for but that's actually not the right journey to go on yeah right amazing to think that your your way of being now towards your son the way you've just described that um could show him that there's another way to be as a young guy growing up in our cultures that otherwise he would have just probably gone down the same path you'd gone down without really even being conscious but all of a sudden he finds himself drinking now he's looking at you saying okay all these people are doing that but here's my mum over here who stopped that flow of energy that sort of that lifestyle and now look at her benefits and you might what a powerful what a powerful sort of example of the fact that you just don't need to be like the the crowd and you don't need to you can actually take some control I can imagine that just feels really wonderful given that your son's only ever going to have one mum isn't it and you know you're you're showing up as a great example of what it is to be a free human being yeah that's right and um and I think also just being having the courage to go actually I want to change and this is how I'm going to do it and I think we there's one thing I did learn from the program is because of course we're on brute calls and things together is people don't talk about their feelings and we did on this journey and there was you know we learned from each other but it's okay to be vulnerable and it's okay to talk about the really raw stuff because that's I guess that's what keeps us healthy that's what keeps us motivated to learn and to grow and you know and to change but we've actually got to talk about some of that stuff as well so that's where the program was fantastic because we had the support of other people on it and also the coaches like yourself Dave. So let's talk about that for a bit because it's hard to really quantify the benefit that comes from having a group of people with that have got a similar objective and they're doing something that's different it can be challenging it can be scary as hell to go and do these things but when you've got the support of a bunch of other people maybe we're all crazy together I don't know but if we are it's a good crazy but we head off in this direction and we've got this wonderful support you've got instead of one guru's perspective on the way things are and downloading that whole view of the world you've got all of a sudden you've got 10 you've got 15 you've got five different opinions different experiences it's so empowering isn't it that that group having that community yeah so yeah and it was my I must have made some really neat friends over in America and even in Australia from being on this journey and I still keep in touch with them now and somebody would have something come up and completely I guess they're going back to the feelings thing something would happen and they'd post it and say oh really wouldn't mind going and having a bear and going to the pub but then everyone would fire in and give help and support that person on what actually was the root cause of that so whatever happened at work or and give them ways of learning to deal with it in a different way so you were learning from it from people every day even if you went posting so and just having that community support and being there and watching other people's journey was just yeah definitely amazing really that's awesome so look let's let's let's role play this for a second because um you know one of the great things about James's project 90 uh program is the fact that this community exists you're not just there by yourself you know as soon as you know that there's someone standing with you going through the same sorts of things that gives us incredible sense of power but safe okay let's role play so I'm I'm on the call and I'm in the project 90 group and I'm thinking oh geez I've had a horrible week and it just feels Friday I just feel like I want to go and have a few drinks at the surf club with my mates that I used to do and before I started this program I just had enough I just want to check out it's just too much now give me give me five responses of different people within the community that would fire back to encourage me to kind of snap me out of it what would what would those a few comments be so for instance you could reach out to Marco Polo so you could say hey look because of the group and just say look this is what I'm thinking and then people would jump on and I guess give you full support and give you other ideas and ways of dealing with you could reach out to them one-on-one so you could actually send the person a message or they could reach out to a coach or they could reach out to James or the other option is which we always used to say was just going to do something else but anything else but yeah so I'm in that situation and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and if I'm if I realize oh hang on well hang on I've got 40 I've got 80 people as part of the community I can go on I can send a direct message to one of these people I'm becoming friends with I could send a Marco Polo video clip and say hey guys I'm just I just need a bit of help here because I'm feeling like I want to do something that I don't really want to do because I know it's not going to end in the right way what can I do and then so give me some responses for example like you and others might jump on to help me see things in a more healthy way what might you say to me if I was thinking that yeah so the first thing I'd say is congratulations for reaching out to us um and and then just talk about I guess how you know how you must be feeling at the moment and quite often I guess if I didn't somebody else would have said well actually hey that's happened to me and this is what I did for instance I drove drove home and went for a walk for an hour or I actually called such and such so maybe you could try that instead but sometimes generally when people were quite close if they posted then everyone would get on there and start posting and then they'd start listening to that post and that would actually pull them down and they would go and do something else and then you'd hear from them later and because generally it's it it does pass and the thought comes into your mind you're saying oh you know my Friday night come home I used to have a wine and that was the first thing I did on Friday night was walk down and pour a wine and sit down now it's I walk and pour myself a big soda and drink that and do something else I don't think it's throw a load of washing on or I actually sit on the couch and start the situation yeah oh god it was only a couple of Fridays ago I came home and actually went for a run so you know that's unheard of on a Friday night well in my world probably for the last 20 years but yeah and I think that's that whole thing of yeah people the community would help and support in any situation the biggest step was a person to actually say hey this is what I'm thinking yeah yeah yeah yeah there's there's really something isn't there and just having the the luxury of time between the thing that happens here and making a decision if we can just space that time out and then sit back and reflect on hey is this really is this gonna go in I know where this is going if I drink now for example I know it's just gonna end up I'm gonna end up feeling that I've just let myself down and I might feel might end up feeling sick the next day etc but putting that space and it really helps when you've got other people you realize you're not just on this journey alone and we're not this we're not on this journey in life alone you know so what I really want to say is to anyone who's listening excuse me on James's podcast the alcohol free lifestyle podcast there is a community here it's real it's not made up it's not fabricated you will see many many colleagues friends hitting in the same direction wanting to up level their life just like what Gaylene's done you know Gaylene it's not easy at all to make changes you're talking about coming home you're a woman who's had a lot of experience in life in work commercially you've got a son you've got a vibrant relationship and you come home on a Friday night and did something you've never done before which is go for a run now the changes you've bought in your life that I've noticed these do not happen easily at all and they often do not happen without the without one-on-one direct interest and from someone who you know cares and having a community around that supports you and also having really good content really good ways in learning new strategies to think about these things all that stuff's provided in James James's program like I'm here to give this of James's program an absolute big plug and that's for my podcast listeners as well you know we I run a man shit mastermind group and we're building the same culture of number one you're not alone you might think you're alone on this new venture to change and make positive impact on yourself and on the world but you're not alone you've got the opportunity to hook him with a whole bunch of other people and it really can't be understated so thank you for that hey one of the things I wanted you to just elaborate again on you'd said earlier was it's not about the alcohol you know and I just want to tease that out a little bit further can you give me an example of where in the past oh no can you give me an example of the way you dealt with the situation where say it was a say for example it was something that happened at work during the working week and you used to deal with it by just thinking and you told me this example so it's not made up that you would just have a couple of drinks to try and forget about that or decompress if that same situation come come up now how would you look at that realizing that actually alcohol is not going to be the solution how would you decompress it yourself and just just for the benefit of going over this again to to have to feel free in making what the decision is going to be as to how you deal with that particular stress would be the first thing you do I'm putting you in the hot seat and I'm sorry for that please everyone recognize that I'm asking Galene some things that I haven't even discussed but this is how real it is I think probably well nowadays being that I'm clearheaded and I'm quite clear in decisions and I guess I haven't got that brain fog and everything else that comes with it and I've got good sleep and I exercise and I'm eating well if some of those situations came well came up now I would actually just hit them head on because in the past I'd probably I guess not say anything or but then come home and chill on it and have a drink and be quite angry or pissed off about it really but now it's like I actually I'd speak up and say actually what you said isn't okay and I'm not happy about that and we need to talk about that so instead of just letting I guess some the more important things slide under the carpet until I just do it about it for a week and then approached it now it's like no actually let's deal with this right now on the spot let's actually talk about this. Hey do you think in some ways Gailene the ability you know in using whatever strategy it is to to avoid an emotional or a confrontational situation alcohols one way you could you could become a gematic you could become a Netflix binger for example whatever those things are do you think that we're really dealing with the problem at that point or is it we're just pushing it back for some time back in the sort of pushing it into our future really because it's some time we're going to probably face that situation again do you think that's what's going on yeah I think you know like quite easily I could have given up alcohol and gone to food or to something else but it's I guess that's just pushing the emotion that needed needs to be dealt with or anything that comes up in life you're just pushing it to something else like you say Netflix or food and I think was going through this program it gives you the skills to actually dive like I said earlier dive into those emotions and actually I guess life head on and actually go right okay well that's happened I had to deal with it so but also learning when something does happen to actually step back a little bit too and go well okay so what's actually happened here what I think what I'm thinking might be completely different to what the other person is thinking too so actually learn to understand better understanding in between as well and you know I guess asking more questions so you understand instead of just jumping to conclusions so yeah yeah well you're um you've taken you know probably what I feel gay learning what I the way I describe it for myself some other people is I say stopping alcohol was the first decision and it led to a whole bunch of other really good decisions and it sounds to me like you've talked about your health you've talked about your relationships you've talked about you know the actual getting off of alcohol itself you're looking you're looking wonderful and you're you're sounding wonderful that you've are really in the you know you know empowered position for the way you're viewing your life going forwards and what else could you want for someone in your life more than that but they're feeling strong and powerful and clear about what they're doing and they can it's it's an it's equipment it's skilling up for a life that can just expand and grow isn't it yeah and net alone the money you save and I remember doing a calculation at some point on the amount of calories into calories I hadn't drunk and I was like wow no burning them off at the gym because I haven't got them and um yeah and just the money like that's messed up I've started putting that aside of course the program the New Zealand wasn't cheap um and I guess there is that financial buy-in so to keep you accountable as well but I yeah that was worth every cent yeah worth every cent so in terms of uh uh and without you know necessarily talking about money figures as such how long do you think this will will you pay the uh course fees off by not drinking just the money you're going to say in is it one year is it ten months is it yeah I think I was just under was about 16 months okay yeah of course we've had and dealt with um and I know James through the history of the program have dealt with people who were spending insane amounts of money and you know they paid the the equivalent uh fee was paid off in six weeks it's extraordinary and you think about dynamics which often happen uh when you're drinking because not just necessarily your alcohol you could be a generous person who's at the bar and shout is always the one who's shouting and buying and um those you know money and lost money in that sense really adds up quickly hey gayleen um it's been it's really been a pleasure getting to know you um you're a genuine you're a genuine article uh you know none of none of what I felt that you you have always extremely authentic in the way that you showed up on our calls each week and it was just so wonderful to see someone who was battling at times and struggling and also willing to be open and honest to me that hey this isn't going 100 percent and I'm a bit nervous and but often when we talked about those things just having that gap and that space and all the resources available through people and the videos James posts etc all that stuff just helps to really change your whole psychology about hey yeah I'm worth I'm worth living the best life I can possibly live and I don't see how alcohol is going to put me in that position and I've seen I've seen an amazing transformation I talk about you gayleen to other people all the time I say I've been uh speaking to these people for three months and I see this transformation they have changed their life and in a number of ways not just the one item of alcohol that we're talking about now but you've changed and transformed your life the benefit to you and your your next circle out which would be your husband and your son and then the next circle out from that could be other family members and friends and then you've got work colleagues out then it just goes on and on it's like a ripple in a pond isn't it and I'm just really proud of you and um uh just think that you you're gonna just continue to move forward I know you are with your you know things like in terms of your professional life it's opened up as well hasn't it? Yes yeah it has. So gayleen um listen I think we might uh bring the call to an end um wonderful thanks for taking the time out over there in New Zealand I'm sitting over here in Turkey and um we're we're connected by this wonderful technology so um thank you and I'm sure this is going to be great for you to be able to show to your friends and family about the reasons and the motivations and and and more importantly the art comes after 90 days you've really turned your life around and you know you should be so super proud of yourself uh as you've done that and I know you are. Thank you Dave it's been awesome it's been such a great journey. Wonderful okay gayleen well we'll see you soon and we'll keep talking and bye for now. Thank you bye bye. Thanks for listening to the alcohol free lifestyle podcast I want to load you up with some free stuff right now so if you want to go to jameswannick.com slash guide I will send you my quit alcohol guide which has helped six figure entrepreneurs and top professionals produce or quit drinking. You can also text the word quit guide to the number 44222 if you're in the US of course it doesn't really work anywhere outside of the US but if you're in the US on your mobile phone and you'd like that guide text the word quit guide to the number 44222 or you can go to jameswannick.com slash guide if you'd like to schedule a free 15 minute call with one of my top coaches just an exploratory call to see if or how we can help you then you can go to jameswannick.com slash schedule or you can text the word project 90 to the number 44222 if you're listening in the US on a mobile phone that's jameswannick.com slash schedule or you can text the word project 90 that's one word project 90 to the number 44222 feel free to send me a direct message over on my instagram account which is at jameswannick you can also watch video episodes of this podcast and a series of other educational videos on my youtube channel which is jameswannick one or you can direct message me on facebook at jameswannick official and finally a request would you please now write a short review of the podcast inside of the apple podcast app on your phone or on itunes on your desktop computer would you please give the show five stars and write a quick one or two sentence review this will help the show get in front of even more listeners potentially transforming someone's life you can rate and review the show inside of your apple podcast app on your phone or over on itunes on your desktop thank you so much and i'll catch you next time