 This construct or this image, I put in parentheses underneath it, my belief in lack, taking the form of an image of self, other, the world, because inevitably when you make a concept up to take the place of your true nature, your spiritual nature, this construct or this concept is lacking in some ways. For example, if you say, well, I seem to be this body or I seem to be in this body either way, and this body seems to get hungry and thirsty and sometimes it's horny and sometimes it's tired and sometimes it's, you know, you fill in the blank. Those are all states of lack, states of craving, needing, wanting things, and it's pretty obvious that that identity is based on lack because it's never really fulfilled. It never reaches a place where you can say, I'm an ego and I'm proud of it and I have no needs. It just never gets there. It just never gets to that point. In fact, there's one of the movies that's in our collection that I just love showing. I just can't show it enough. There's a movie with Nicholas Cage called Family Man, where he's going along and he's like a, he's a financial manager. He, you know, he's a, he's a very, very, successful businessman. It deals with millions of dollars and he's got an apartment and he wakes up with all the gusto. He really thinks he's got the world on a string. It's kind of like the old Frank Sinatra song, you know, got the string around my finger. He really thinks he's straight and then he goes into a little, like a mini-mart store and there's a robbery taking place and he intervenes and then he's walking with this black man who's really an angel and he's trying to help the angel out. He just thinks black man needs so much help and let me help you out and trying to offer this and the angel's going, you want to help me? The angel's laughing because he's, this human's trying to help the angel and he says, he said, well, well, what is it that you need? And Nicholas Cage says, I don't need anything. And the angel says, you don't need anything? Your life is perfect and he's like, yeah, yeah, it really is. And he's like, oh man, am I going to enjoy this? It turns into kind of a, it's a wonderful life movie, you know, with Clarence the angel is helping Jimmy Stewart out. And the rest of the movie is, it's about him discovering that he, he isn't without need. He's, he's blocked from love and he's got all these blocks that he doesn't even know about. And this angel is going to give him a glimpse of how much help he really needs instead of thinking his life is perfect and being in a state of denial. So, so we're going to go on here. It says, I do not like how I feel now in terms of this upset that we're talking about up there in B. I do not like how I feel now. So I am ready to consider the possibility that the way I am perceiving this is not the way it really is. As part of the healing process, I'm willing to look beyond my perception of this upset, the meaning I have given it and look within my mind. So there's, there's that willing word again. I am willing. You have to kind of get to a point where you, you can say to yourself, I really don't like this gnawing feeling, whatever it is, even if it's minor irritation and annoyance, you have to get to the point where you say, no, I'm worth more than this. I don't need to put up with this feeling and send my gut toward the Lord carrying around with me. So that willingness now will be expressed in number three, because it's really a wish to see things differently. It's a hope. It's rising up inside you that there's a way out of that feeling, whatever that feeling is that you had there on B. So it says, and this is where you actually are going to write a short, maybe only a couple words or a small phrase to summarize what you've written on the top for A, B, C, and D. You will just for actually A, B, and C, just start to summarize it here where you say, I want to learn that there is a way that I can, without guilt, see the part I play in thinking A in feeling B and in blaming C and or fearing C. So you're starting to bring it back and trace it back to there's a way to see without guilt the part that you play in these things. That you're not a victim. That there's actually something that you're actively engaged in that is bringing these emotions about these perceptions. So three, you're just kind of getting a, it's kind of summarizing A, B, and C and and trying to repeat it. It's repeating in some way, but it's like, it could be something as simple as, you know, I want to learn that there is a way that I can without guilt see the part I play in thinking I don't know what I'm going to do when this retreat is over. And I'm feeling a little nervous about that or a little worried. And I'm fearing that when I go back outside to the real world, I'm going to have to put up with the same stuff that I always had to put up with something. It's just kind of a summation, but it is repeating it, but it's just bringing it together to the sense that you're starting to take a look consciously at what's going on in your awareness, in your consciousness, that you're voluntarily playing a part in everything that's going on. The perceptions, the emotions, and thoughts, and also the justifications that you're, the self-talk that you're giving yourself about those things. Yeah, it's the content of what's going on. As opposed to kind of just thinking, well, I'm just a real person and I'm in this scenario and this and this and this are bothering me about this scenario. And it's always going to be that way because it's been that way and, you know, kind of staying in that loop. This is just kind of bringing it all up to the contents of consciousness and just kind of laying and bare and exposing it. Okay, four is we're getting to that word release now. I release my wanting to be right about my perception of all this, A, B, C, and D. This goes back to that willingness, you know, of willingness to see things, to look beyond my perception of this upset and look within my mind. So I release my wanting to be right about my perception of all this. I want instead to be happy. Through the ego, distorted thinking and seeing, I perceive the cause of my upset and its resolution as outside my mind. This projection seems very real. Its purpose is to distract my mind from looking inward. So we're starting to make the connection there that the upset is perceived as being related to the world or something in the world and the resolution is also being perceived as something as related to the world. For example, if somebody seems to have a stressful job, it's quite common to think, well, I just need to quit my job and as soon as I am outside of that job or I've left the job, then I'll be happy. You know, as if being in the job is the problem and getting out of the job or being in a relationship and getting out of the relationship will bring you peace. Or being in a particular scenario, like when I was in South America, a friend of mine, I think who felt like it was kind of chaotic down there in South America and she really wanted to just go leave South America and move to North America. So that's the way the mind works. It sees problems and solutions in form. I would be happy if, I'll be happier when it's always kind of looking for the geographical solution or shifting something around in form and you can just notice how that's how the ego mind works. It's always thinking things will be better if and then you can fill in the blank with some kind of shift in form. It starts to get back to the serenity prayer we were talking about. That's letting me accept the things I cannot change. In the end, you start to realize that you can't change the world as much as you try to change the channel, move the contents around, rearrange the picture, you know, keep rearranging the picture and keep going for a different arrangement or constellation. That's where this is all leading. It's going to have to be a change in your mind, a change in your perception that's going to actually work. It's not going to work and it takes courage, you know, to change the things that you can. It takes a lot of courage to change your mind. Okay, number five. If the cause of my upset and its resolution were outside my mind, I would in fact be powerless to change my state of mind. My use of projection, seeing outside what I don't want to see within, is why I seem powerless, why see, again go back to your see, seems to be the cause of my upset. So it's because of projection that see seems to be the cause. Yes, that seeing outside what I don't want to see inside is one way of describing projection in the sense that it's almost like one of the ego's defense mechanisms is it just says if you're not, if you are feeling hurt or angry or shame or guilt or something, just get rid of it and see it outside of you. In other words, it'll take the pressure off if you point the finger and you blame or you point at something else and say that that's the cause, including the body. You can even point to what seems to be your own body and say you have let me down, you are not as good as you should be, you are not a very good home. You can be that way or it can be pointing to something in the environment or other people as well. But basically projection, some of you probably have heard of the word scapegoat. And if you go back in history back into the Bible that it started with the Jewish tradition where they had the chief rabbi, the chief rabbi of the tribes back in Israel, would basically gather all the tribe up together and then instead of having like a burning bowl ceremony like they have in unity where you burn all your negative thoughts and grievances in a bowl at the beginning of a new year, what they would do is the chief priest would or chief rabbi would get all the people together and they would all talk about oh it's a terrible year and we did terrible things and we were a bunch of sinners and all this and that. So he would take and he said come on and he would get all the sins and all the grievances together and he would put them on the head of a goat, lay all the sins and grievances on the head of the goat and then he would chase the goat out of the town. That's where the term scapegoat comes. They would actually try to heap all the sins of the people onto the goat, the head of the goat and then they'd chase the goat out of town. Sounds kind of primitive but believe me the ego is trying to do the same thing when you point the finger and you try to blame the government or you try to blame your child or your spouse or your parent or you blame teachers and gurus or ministers or whatever. It doesn't really matter or if you eat