 One of the sad things I see in the human mating practice this day, these days, is that human beings oftentimes give their power away to another human being. What does that mean to give your power away? Well, sometimes giving our power away is accepting bad behavior, thinking that by not setting up healthy boundaries, by not having standards, a person might remain in relationship with you. Just might remain in relationship with you. In other words, the fear of losing someone causes so many people, women in particular, to accept bad behavior from men. And I've often wondered, why is it that we, I think women more so than men give their power away? Because traditionally, men are the gatekeepers of commitment. That's right. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. It's men who do the asking of marriage. It's men who have traditionally been the provider protectors in relationships. So to some degree throughout history, women, sadly, have been subservient to men. And thankfully, we're seeing that narrative change substantially these days, because as, listen, I'm a promoter of human behavior. I'm not here to sink to sit to, that's the word I'm looking for, to suggest one gender is better than the other. Nor am I here to suggest that things have to be a certain way because that's the way they were in the past. I'm here to, I believe that we can find a coexistence in our empowered behavior instead of the masculine and feminine traditional expectations. So coming back to accepting bad behavior. One of the renowned psychologists of the world, husband and wife team, I should say, doctors, John and Julie Gottman, they have what's known as the Gottman Institute. I believe they've studied over 30,000 relationships and I could be off on that mark. That's just what I hear heard once before. In those relationships, they've studied, they've done this love lab, if you will, to study human couples. And one of the common things that John Gottman's ability is he can sit with a couple within, he can sit with a couple and within 15 minutes determine the success of their relationship with roughly about a 95% accuracy. Isn't that interesting? 15 minute conversation with a couple and he can determine with a 95% accuracy if the couple is going to make it. And so if you're not familiar with the Gottman Institute, I highly recommend checking it out. One of the books they wrote together is called Eight Dates. And this is a great book and I'm mentioning this book and I really want to encourage you to go to their website, the Gottman Institute website. Because one of, and this is a great book for those single or in a relationship and want to improve your communication skills. By the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend. Why I'm bringing this up is John Gottman some years ago suggested there's the four horsemen of the apocalypse to a relationship. And while those aren't going to be those five behaviors I'm going to discuss, which I will talk about in a few minutes. It's really important to understand what causes relationship friction and what causes relationship endings and he concluded that there are four key things that happens in relationship that causes them to fall out of love with each other. And those four are contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness. I'll repeat that contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness. By the way, can someone write that in the comments or write it in the chat box. So think about how often you've been in relationship where somebody has treated you with a bit of superiority over you. In fact, I once was watching a movie I think it was called The Ghost of Girlfriends Past. And where where Michael Douglas is telling Matthew McConaughey, young Matthew McConaughey, that the person who cares least in the relationship has the power. And what he said was to have the power in the relationship means you're in a superior position and oftentimes when you're in a superior position, you have contempt for the person below you. This is why traditional one up one down relationships, meaning that the man is superior and the woman is below the man, in my opinion, sets up for a lot of contempt, but also can set up for a lot of failure, especially if you're in a subservient position. This is why I appreciate relationships that are conscious where they travel like it's a two lane street traveling together to like two cars traveling on street together at the same speed, instead of the one up one down contempt type of relationships. In addition, when you have criticism in a relationship, criticism is the death to a relationship. That's why he calls it the four horsemen of the apocalypse to criticize your partner to judge them is setting oneself up. Now, I think it's it's important to differentiate between just traditional jest that oftentimes happens slight sarcasm versus real criticism of their behavior. You're doing it wrong to quote a line from the movie. Oh, what was that movie? You're doing it wrong. Mr. Mom. I do like to quote movies, you know, to suggest somebody is doing something wrong to judge them to criticize them. All of that sets up for discourse in the relationship. Stonewalling to you know, stonewalling is another way of saying ghosting pulling away, you know, taking space from the relationship to avoid the problems is a form is a form of stonewalling. Stonewalling is avoiding the real issues concerning the relationship. This is why, you know, sadly, you know, human beings have real poor emotional maturity and relationship skills. And if you're not familiar with my chart on emotional maturity and relationship skills, I highly recommend checking this out. By the way, this is not in a fact. This is merely an opinion. I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues when it comes to their relationship skills. I mean, they're terrible at it for clinical reasons. Why do I suggest 20% are emotionally healthy? I'm probably being ridiculously generous here. The vast majority of human beings are dysfunctional. Folks, when it comes to the dating process today, we oftentimes bring up my relationship iceberg chart to illustrate a point. We hyper focus on attraction and chemistry. There's such a hyper focus on attraction and chemistry that many of you missed the warning signs to determine. Do we really share the same values together? Do we really have lifestyles that are blendable with each other? And lastly, does this human being or do I have the emotional maturity to actually navigate this relationship? And most human beings are rather delusional to this. And what I mean by delusion, there's this fantasy that I'm good at this and everybody else is poor at it. Do you know, most couples go to couples therapies, go to couples therapist's office, and it's always this, fix my partner. He's pointing at her. She's pointing at him. Instead of looking in the mirror and saying, how have I contributed to the challenges in the relationship? And one of the challenges I said a moment ago is stonewalling, which most humans do this to some degree. And lastly, defensiveness. These are the four horsemen of the apocalypse. When we get defensive, when our partner either shares a concern about us or shares a concern about the relationship, it's natural to get defensive. It's just, I think it's just built into our DNA to get defensive. And yet that defensiveness create walls between two people and the thicker the walls are, the harder it is to actually come closer together to form a healthy, happy relationship. Let me tell you something. I shared before, I believe roughly 90% of the population is terrible at relationships. Really, I do believe that. And because of that, if you're in midlife, which that's the demographic I serve, which I say is after baby making years and before retirement, the vast majority of human beings are experiencing casual relationships and a very small percentage are actually feeling that real fully committed relationship because they do a terrible job of vetting each other during the dating process. By the way, if you need help with that, that's my area of expertise. It's right here. Schedule a free discovery call with me to see if work. Looks like my middle finger. Schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. My job is to teach you what questions you should be asking based on your personality to determine is this person emotionally mature enough to actually lean into a relationship. But Jonathan, I keep being told that all I'm supposed to do is sit in my feminine energy because a man will just gravitate for me when I'm in my feminine energy. What the fuck does that mean to sit in your feminine energy? Let me tell you what matters most. Emotional grownups and since we're we're swimming in a sea of emotional immaturity men and women alike. Our real job is to determine does this person have the capacity that not only the desire to want a fully committed relationship, but do they have a capacity? And let me tell you when I say women are just as bad at this is so many of you are glomming on to relationships. You're accepting such bad behavior. And then you're wondering why it falls apart later. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Ladies, if you're not familiar with the book, where is it? Why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. By the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend. Why am I recommending this book? Because if you're accepting bad behavior continually, if you're accepting crumbs, if you believe that. But Jonathan, we have this amazing chemistry together and I've never experienced chemistry like this before. And I've got to make this really dysfunctional relationship work. All the magic fairy dust of chemistry cannot cure a dysfunctional relationship. Ladies, I speak to women mostly because you have a propensity to see the good in men. You have a propensity to give men to see the potential. But many of you are operating on such a small piece of the puzzle without really stepping into your empowerment and say, does this person have the capacity to lean into commitment? And I will tell you, men in midlife in particular, if they've got burned in their last relationship, it's a small percentage of men who will actually lean into commitment. And this is why, listen, these devices, these apps, I don't have my dating apps on here anymore, because I'm with my beloved now, there she is. These apps bastardize the dating process. The fact that we now think that we can just a swipe away to replacing someone that didn't used to be in the place, didn't used to be in our lexicon 50 years ago. This belief that we can just, if it doesn't work with this person, we can swipe. Do you know how many people have a relationship end on a Monday and they are back on a dating app either Monday night, Tuesday morning, Tuesday night, Wednesday morning. I mean, some people barely wait 72 hours to jump back into the dating realm once a relationship ends. And this is men and women alike, because there's this fantasy that where someone is just a click away. The other thing I want to say before I dive into the behaviors is I want to be very clear with all of you. If you want a fully committed, juicy, delicious relationship, it is going to take fucking work. It is a part-time job to weed out and to vet someone to be in your life. And so many of you just expect it to be easy. You literally expect it to be so easy. Why isn't it so easy? Why isn't it easy that I find my partner? Folks, I'm here to say it's a job. And if you don't treat it like a job, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Listen, I went on what seems like a thousand internet dates. It wasn't that many, but it seems that way before I found a really great partner in my life. And the reason why I'm bringing this up is I didn't give up. And yet many of you either give up seeking that partner or you accept bad behavior. So here are five behaviors that I just hope to God you don't accept going forward. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. All right, these five behaviors. I have to clean my glasses. I forgot my cloth here. Number one, your partner exhibits controlling behavior. Many of you just again, because you've indoctrinated that men are the leaders of the relationship that you allow. There's I think there's a propensity because of that narrative. And by the way, you are in charge of your relationship destiny, not a guy, but that belief that they're the leaders sets possibly sets you up for being controlled later in the relationship. This is why I'm a big proponent of initially right from the get go is taking turns in the dating process. If you haven't read the book, if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, I love this book because it throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and says, how can we approach the relationship at a more heart centered level instead of the expectation level. And again, if you're expecting the man to lead, you could be setting yourself up for controlling behavior. But then again, whether the minute you begin to see someone trying to control your life or control the narrative. That should be a warning sign of a behavior that should not be tolerated. Number two, your partner gas lights you. And by the way, for the record, I got this off the internet, so I don't want to take credit for these five. He gas lights you if you're not familiar gas lighting. It's a method of if it's defensiveness in the sense of being it's a way of taking what you've said and turning it around. And if let's say, for example, you have an issue with your partner for some people, there's such a sophisticated. There's a sophisticated method in their brain that can turn it around and make it your fault. And they have this ability to to actually convince you that it is your fault. I want you to think about that. You have an issue with your partner. I'm going to use a cheesy one, but this is I'm only for for humor's sake. You know, you never put the toilet seat down. You know, and someone turns it around. Well, you should be putting it up for me every single time. Now, I'm being tongue in cheek, but it's basically turning something around and making it your fault. Instead of taking ownership. Oh, my gosh. So I'm so sorry. I'm going to do a better job of paying attention to that. Now, I'm using a very benign example. In many cases, it's centered around secretive behavior. It's centered around their lack of intention in the relationship. Gaslighting is a way of making you wrong for your feelings and don't ever accept that from anyone. By the way, if you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self health and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below why I'm showing this is chapter one. I want to just take just go to chapter one for a second. Speak your truth. Do it with kindness. By the way, folks, you should never be afraid to speak your truth in a relationship. Just do it in a kind, loving way. You have every, and your truth is your genuine feelings about something. That's your truth. That doesn't mean it's the truth. It's just true for you and no one should ever diminish that. That's why a good partner, by the way, I got something in my eyebrows here. A good partner listens to your point of view, acknowledges your point of view and accepts it for being true for you. They don't turn it around the gaslighting. Number three, they partner abuses you emotionally or verbally. Verbal abuse should never be tolerated in a relationship. And yet sadly, because of that fear of losing someone, oftentimes cause men and women to accept verbal and emotional abuse. And number four, physical abuse. That should never be tolerated. I mean, that's an obvious one. And look at, I'm sure there's been situations where someone might have grabbed your arm out of just sheer frustration for a moment. But I'm talking about genuine, you know, and again, once is one thing, habitual is another. But certainly any physical abuse should never ever fucking be tolerated ever in one's life. And lastly, and again, I found this on the internet. Your partner makes you feel bad when you don't have sex with them. You should never feel inferior in a relationship, especially when it comes to the physical realm of the relationship. When it comes to the physical realm in the relationship, I think it's important to have regular and constant communication with one another to determine that you're on the same page. Are we really on the same page both from the totality of our relationship from the emotional as well as the physical aspects of our relationship. And this is why I continually recommend reading this book. I love Barbara D'Angelo's work, How to Make Love All the Time. What I love about this book is this is a blueprint to turn your relationship into a constant loving relationship. Folks, men don't buy these books. Women do. The goal is to practice this book. And it starts by being with a partner open to doing the work. Many of you are sitting in casual relationships. And ultimately, where do casual relationships end up? In the gutter. Folks, I'm here to encourage deeper conversations, not to surface conversations. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? Versus many of you are also, you know, are in these long distance relationships. I had a woman write me today. I've been in a three year relationship. And I'm like, and then she said, but I've never met him. I'm like, no, you're in a cyber relationship. A healthy relationship is built through time and physical connectivity. Trust isn't built over the telephone. Trust isn't built over emails. Trust is built through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. Trust is, can I, isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, can I count on this person to be there for me? Can I count on this person to be there for me when I need them? Or more importantly, does this person view my best interest at hand? Does this person view my best interest in hand? That's what trust is. God, universe spirit. I'm in a loving relationship where we have amazing chemistry with one another and our communication with each other is off the charts. And our lives have blended with one another and we share the same values and we have built the deep roots of trust so that even if we have a bump in the road, our relationship can withstand this God, universe spirit. I'm so grateful to be experiencing this in my life right now. Start from the perspective as if it's already happened, not wishing for it in the future. Build it, they will come. I invite you to make a shift in your life, to not accept bad behavior and more importantly to do better job of vetting people. And again, if you need some support with that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, I think this will be a good place to start with our Q&A. If you have a question for me, write the word question and post the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's him right there. It's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development and to donate to places like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institutes, just name a few. And if you want to donate, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box or if you're watching the video on the replay, you can hit the super thanks button and donate and I'd be truly grateful for that. All right, I noticed we had a donation to begin with so let's put Punch up on the board and she writes, he wanted to pick, I sent him one in a swimsuit. He was I heart, asked for more. I said, you just got a teaser and got me confused with future me after he went on a few dates. He said, okay, let there be intrigue. I left it there. What's next? And she says, should I reach out to him? We never met in person. I was sick before. He's sick now. He was asking me how I was sick. He's supposed to meet me today. Crickets. Okay. I'm a little confused because you said here, he got me confused with the future after we went on a few dates and then you went on to say, we have never met. So I'm not a big, listen, I have a rule of thumb folks. And this is where long distance relationship rarely fits this narrative. But I call it the three, two, one, three. Okay. Three, two, one, three. First off, no more than three text communications or email communications to get onto one or two telephone calls. And within that one telephone call, within one or two telephone calls, you should schedule one date within a three week period of time. If it takes longer than three weeks to set up a date, don't invest time in someone. This is why proximity creates relationship success. This is why many of you are having these long drawn out cyber conversations with people and they don't work out. Men don't fall in love for the telephone. They don't bond through the telephone. We might use you as therapists. By the way, a lot of men are using women as their, their confidant therapist because they're emotionally, you know, emotionally distraught, emotionally frustrated. And so you can spend our, and many of you are bonding with people through trauma bonds, your bond and his, excuse me, his trauma and your trauma. Folks, if you really haven't addressed the traumas that happen after a divorce and I'm talking about understanding that the tapestry of an old life needs to be healed before many of you go on to a new relationship. But it's so hard to do that when we have this desire for companionship connection and sucks. And yet most people, as I said earlier in this broadcast, might desire commitment, but are they really capable of commitment? And some people don't even desire commitment. They're not even capable of commitment. So my, my suggestion to you, I'm going to put this, my suggestion to you is stop sending pics, get the date on the books, meet each other. And if he's crickets, he's probably just not that into you. You are just been a cyber, listen. Okay, I'm going to tell you one other thing. Men who are highly attracted to a woman from their photographs want to meet them right away. Except for one type of guy, the guy who, excuse me, two types of guy, the catfisher or the guy who is a pussy. He's a wimp. He's a simp. He's just afraid of his own shadow. Please forgive the P word. But I'm here to say, by the way, if you can't meet right away, then do at least a FaceTime together. Stop spending all your time on the telephone and start spending it face to face. Punch, that's my suggestion for you. Thank you so much for your question and the 1999 Super Sticker. I really appreciate it. All right, let's go swim in. Oh, Arlene just gave us a $4 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. Okay, let's see. Oh, let's go swim in. Let's go swim in. Let's go swim in. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Didi writes, question. Out of all the women you dated before you met your beloved, did you have chemistry with? Did you have chemistry with? You look sharp tonight, by the way. Oh, thank you, Didi. I had chemistry with a lot of women. Now, I think there's different forms of chemistry. I think there is physical attraction, which can lead to lust or limerence. There's sexual chemistry. There's emotional chemistry. There's intellectual chemistry. I mean, what I mean to say is you could have an emotional connection with someone, but they may not be your type. You can have an intellectual connection with someone, but they may not be your type. You can have a sexual desire. Oh my God, I've had sexual chemistry for a lot of women. Sadly, and I'm going to be judgmental here, but I will tell you this. It saddens me now that I look back at how many women use sex as a way to entice myself and other men in the dating apps. And then they wondered why we lost interest in them. Folks, here's something I've learned about chemistry. Chemistry is chemicals, okay? Brain chemicals being released from the brain in the body. Now, sometimes when men scratch that sexual itch, what I mean to say is when we have sex with you, it is quite possible as soon as that flood of dopamine and testosterone is out of our body, we lose interest in you. And we don't know why. The thing is for most men, they don't even know why this happens. It's a biological thing. We don't do it intentionally. We go, I don't like this person anymore. And then you're trying to figure out and you're trying to come up with rationalizations as to why you don't like them. And then the easiest thing to do is goes disappear or crickets because sometimes we don't understand why. Because this is why jumping into bed too quickly doesn't pay dividends for you ladies. It's better to vet the person to build some trust. And it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust. Remember I talked about trust earlier? By the way, in the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. I just want to share something with you. Chapter one, right there, trust and commitment. Folks, if you don't understand, I got to tell you something. You ladies, you crack me up. I'm sorry. You crack me up because you all want to commit a relationship. But if I ask you what does commitment look like? I had this one woman reach out to me, Jonathan. I want more commitment in my relationship. Okay, great. What does commitment look like in this dynamic? She goes, Jonathan, I just want more commitment in the relationship. Well, great. What does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment out of him. You're not hearing me. No, I'm hearing you. You're not saying anything. Folks, if you can't establish what commitment looks like, then how can you ever know what it is? I've made it so simple for many of you. Hold that thought. I've made it so simple for so many of you. I made it simple by giving you an easy blueprint. Do you know what it looks like? We spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. That is a blueprint. But Jonathan, I'm supposed to be in my feminine, let the man lead the relationship. You are in charge of your destiny. Stop leaving it up to the man. You are in charge of your life. You set the standards of what you're looking for. And you choose people who meet those standards and when they cross lines with you, you set boundaries with them. And I love the way Brene Brown talks about Brownie's boundaries. If you're not familiar with her work, there's another book I highly recommend of hers. It's called The Gifts of Imperfection. Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are. If you haven't watched one of Brene Brown's videos, I highly recommend checking it out. Boundaries are simply what's okay and what's not okay for me. That's what a boundary is. So coming back to the toilet seat, my girlfriend brings it up on occasion for fun. It's not so much a boundary, but it's simply a making a request. It would be really great if you'd be more mindful of that. That's a request. We oftentimes think of boundaries as a no. But a boundary isn't a no. A boundary is simply saying what you prefer. And I love the Gottman's work because they talk about making requests, bids. And so it simply could be, sweetheart, I'd really like to build a stronger relationship between the two of us. Would you be open to doing a couple's workshop or retreat with me? That's a request. If he goes, oh, we don't need that. Our relationship is perfect. That's a person that's oftentimes clueless. I will tell you some of the healthiest some of the best relationships are couples who continually renew their vows with one another on a regular basis. They're constantly working and tweaking their communication skills. If you're not familiar with the book, I hear you by Michael Sorenson, the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. Why am I recommending this book? Because folks, many of you are just as bad at this stuff. Listen, it's going to take a herculean. It's going to take major effort to get good at this. Stop living in the delusion that you are good at this. Many of you, I know some of you are better communicators than others. But sadly, many of you believe that you're good at this. And I can tell you most people aren't. They haven't done the work. Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent. Coming back to your original question. Well, thank you for looking sharp. Coming back to the chemistry question. Yes, I've had chemistry, but a variety of different forms of chemistry at people. All right, thank you so much for that one. Did I thank Arlene for the $4 Super Sticker? Thank you so much. Barbara writes it. By the way, I'm happy to, before I answer this, I just, folks, I am very happy to share personal things about my beloved. Neither she is right there. And she's agreed to start to shoot videos with me at the first of the year. So let's hope she'll come out of the closet, so to speak, and come on camera with us all. So if you have questions about us, I'm more than happy to share like the previous one. All right, question. When you're in a relationship and in the fourth month, and in the fourth month, do the dynamic change? We went out almost four to five times a week traveled. And now it's kind of slowed down to three to four. Holidays are planned. Okay. I don't see a question there, Barbara. So what is your question? You know, why did it change? I don't understand your question. And by the way, it's went from four to five to three to four. That's a slight change. I mean, that's, if you'd said you went from four to five to once every other week, that's a big deal. Barbara, I don't know your question. So if you have a question, ask it later. Question. What's your favorite outdoors activity with your beloved? Okay. Here we go. Beloved questions. You know, we haven't really done, you know what? Okay. I think she and I tend to be, we're both kind of homebodies. Okay. We both, and when I mean by homebodies, we're not like going out, parting on the town type of couple. But we like mundane things. Like, I mean, it's so funny. We think grocery shopping today. And we've got this little tinier cart. Not the bigger car, but the smaller cart. She's pulling one side. I'm pulling the other. And we're just, we're always like two kids at the playground, giving each other shit. I mean, it's so funny. Our little, what I love about this relationship is our little kids come out to play. I think we like the mundane things. We like, we're just saying like, we like going to Costco. We like going to grocery store. What I find most interesting though, is I just like her company. It's like, it's beyond my lover. She, it's like my best friend. There's a quote, friendship on fire. It's like, it's like, I get to hang out with my best buddy. And I get to make love to her. And I'm hoping it's vice versa for her. Only she can share with you. But it's the mundane things that I really appreciate most. And we do have two cruises planned in the next two months. So we're going to be on cruises for the next two months. All right. Thanks for asking that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Esther writes question. What do you do when you've been out of touch for over a year with someone that they are having sexual intercourse with? Call them on the phone. I don't know. I mean, wait, with some, with some, wait. Let me read that one more time. What do you do when you have been out of touch for over a year with someone that you have had sexual intercourse? You call them if you want to call them. That's what you do. Or you put them, or they're just somebody you used to know. What do you want? Folks, what do you want? There's a scene in the notebook where Noah says to Ally, what do you want? She goes, it's not that simple. He goes, yes, it is. Why is it human beings aren't like, you just don't say what you want. Just say what you want. Then we can figure out the pieces around that, but everybody's afraid to speak up folks in my book. What the heck yourself love anyway. Okay. Chapter nine. Where's chapter nine? Read that. If it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing. You can't say the wrong thing to the right person. If it's sincere and from the heart. So just speak from the heart. What is it that you want? What is it you want? That's my invitation for you anyway. All right. Thank you, Esther. I appreciate that. Let's go swim in. Sherry. Howdy back. Let's see. I'm a homebody and I love the mundane things too. No matter the destination. Exactly. All right. Do we have any questions? It looks like we're bashful in the group. If you have a question, write the word question or post the question there and post the question there after or purchase a super sticker, super chat. It's that little dollar sign right there. And if you're watching the replay and you've got this far, please purchase a super. Thanks. If this is making a difference in your life, you can donate to places like the Hoffman process and insight Institute, just to name a few. All right. What else? Do we have any questions? If we don't have any questions, there we go. Nicole writes in question. I'm 45 dating a man 10 years older who says 55 year old men don't fall in love. What do you think? I am 55 plus. And I am deeply deliriously madly in love. My circle of friends are men who are all in their late 40s, early 50s, mid 50s, 60 years old. I have dozens of male friends who are deeply in love with their partner. And I'm talking deeply in love. These are men who have done personal development, self-help and spiritual work. See, you have to be able to, you know what ladies, the real challenge for many of you is so many men are deeply wounded from their childhood wounds and traumas or their adult traumas. And it makes it very difficult for them to men to actually receive love. Now it's partially because of two reasons. One is they might have had a trauma with their parents and they might be reliving that trauma. And if you're not familiar with the work of Harvelle, Henricks and Helen Hunt, I'd highly recommend checking out Getting the Love You Want. This talks about the Amago. I am a G-O, the Amago. We oftentimes choose partners, men and women alike, like the parents that raised us. And it's one of the reasons why men might be incapable of loving because they can't receive love. And in addition, if you haven't checked out the work of the Hoffman process, I talk about this incessantly. This is a deep dive into healing your own child in wounds and traumas so you can be able to receive love. Do you know one of the hardest things for human beings to do is to receive. It's easy to give. Women, you are amazing givers, but even yourself, many of you have a hard time receiving. And men particularly have a hard time receiving. Most relationships are with two people who can receive love. And that means tearing down the walls that created the blocks to love. Very few people, listen. If you're not familiar with my three types of people actively dating, by the way right here, this is merely an opinion. The first group of people I call them users. These are the people who seek short-term game, the love bombers, the players, the gold diggers, the entitled people, selfish people, only caring about their own needs. And then the next group is what I call the spenders. What I mean is they're spending time with you. They seek connection, companionship, coupling or sex. No direction, uncertainty, fearful, usually have dysfunctional life. And then there's the builders and the growers. These are the people that seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up. They have good relationship skills. They have their act together. Jordan Peterson wrote a book called The 12 Rules for Life. I believe chapter one is clean your room. Folks, many of you are dating people that don't have their act together. They literally don't have a clean room like Rebecca Romain Stamos did in the Friends episode when Ross went to go visit her at their home. You know, when you're meeting people whose lives are in chaos, they cannot have the... If the ground underneath them isn't solid, it makes it difficult for them to lean into a relationship. But more importantly, folks, we're swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. And what's interesting is like attracts like. So when we individually do our own work, we become more of a magnet for attracting what we want. It's interesting. The clients who go through my private coaching, it always amazes me. When I make the investment in the program, all of a sudden they start meeting great guys. I get calls all the time. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy and they know the difference. Because when you do work and you get clarity, clarity breeds confidence and confidence leads to better choices. And that's here when I'm here. This is what I'm here to encourage you is to make better choices for yourself. Because this is all about not accepting bad behavior like we talked about in the beginning of this broadcast. And more importantly, standing into your power. Because the person who cares the least has the power. That's not how a relationship should be. A relationship should be two people who want to co-create a life together. At least that's the world I live in. Maybe I'm in a delusional world myself. I can own that. But that's my invitation for everybody. Is this syncing and is this resonating? Please let me know. Please post a comment. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. All right, time for a few more questions. Oh, let's see. Roxy says, my husband says loyalty can be learned. Do you think that is true? Yeah, I don't know if loyalty, I think loyalty happens through trust and time. Trust and time. When loyalty comes, okay, let me give you an example. After my divorce, I was an emotional wreck. My best friend, my best friend, Jeff, he called me every day to check in on me every single day. I was doing drugs. I was addicted to cocaine. I was drinking. I was self-medicating through online dating. Interestingly enough, my drug of choice, my self-medication was online dating 15 years ago. It led me to the profession I am in today. A blessing in disguise. But he called on me every day. That was loyalty. But that loyalty was built over the years prior that we built trust with one another. So yes, I think loyalty is something that is built or learned. So thank you so much for that question, Roxy. By the way, does anyone know who that is? I'm just curious if anyone knows who that is. All right, let's keep going here. Charlene, question. This guy will be intimidated with me. Then never contact me unless I contact him. Should I stop dealing with him? When you say he's intimidated by you, does his penis shrivel up to the size of a tiny little grape? Is that what you mean by intimidated? Listen. Intimidation is usually from an insecurity. If it's a genuine intimidation. What might be happening, and it's hard to say, is the fear of commitment is what you might be experiencing if these kind of comes and goes. But ultimately, ladies, coming back to what I said earlier, what do you want? Do you want a guy who's all in? Or do you want a guy who's flaky? Make your choice. If that doesn't resonate with you, start singing the Ariana Grande song next. All right. Let's see what Rose has to say. What do you do when you're in a friends with benefits since June, but in September he started seeing another woman, who got her pregnant and then ghosted. I'm so heartbroken. So do I move on? Okay. You're in a friend with benefits. That simply means casual sex with no strings attached. Friends with benefits means no strings attached. But you got emotionally connected with him. He got a woman pregnant. It's time to put your big girl hat on and put on your logical thinking cap. Do you want to be, do you want to be entangled in this person's dysfunctionality? Because if you're accepting that dysfunction, what he's going to go through, he's going to be raising a child. There's going to be a lot of headaches. It's with some woman he just met. It's probably going to have some contention. Why do you want to choose that over a potentially healthy, by the way, can other ladies comment on this one? Do you want to give your two cents on this one? But my feeling, yes, you should move on. It goes without saying. Okay. Reubarb says, why do I attract dysfunctional men? Because nine out of 10 men and women are dysfunctional. I'm a project for magnet men. I'm a magnet for project men. Stop it. Stop. Stop treating them as a project. Start becoming a magnetic attractor for what you want. God, universe, spirit. I am a magnetic attractor for a man that we have amazing chemistry with one another, and we can communicate with each other for hours and hours on end. And he shares the same values with me, and he has the emotional maturity to lean into a relationship, and we can blend our lives together. And lastly, we can build the roots of trust together through emotional maturity and good relationship skills. That's what I'm a magnet for. Choose which wolf you want to be. That's my suggestion anyway, Reubarb. Question. Your thoughts on a 59-year-old man never married, no kid, six months is the longest relationship. He wants to read eight dates together and discuss. Is this too much of a red flag? God, you know, I don't... You know, here's the thing. Just because someone married and then divorced, does that make them any better in relationship? Yeah, they made a commitment once. Do you know the vast majority of people who've gone divorced are less likely to get married unless they have co-dependent behavior? They feel like they got burned. They're less likely to get married. So is it a red flag? Yeah. Is a woman 59 never married red flag? We men think so. We think she's got to be, you know, she's got to be crazy. Here's the thing. If he's reading eight dates with you, that's a good sign. So take each sign that's positive and move forward and maybe hold off the sex. But ultimately you've got... By the way, get through chapter one of eight dates and then ask me that question. If you can get through chapter one of eight dates, I think you guys will be... There's a good... There's a 50-50 shot for you. All right. Thank you so much for that question. Hey, folks, you know what? I want to take my sweet out out to dinner and drinks tonight. I'm going to wrap up this broadcast today. Thank you so much for allowing me an opportunity to share what I think are five behaviors you should never accept. Please read the books I recommend. Please start doing the work internally so you can be better prepared, so you can be a magnet for those men who are ready for a juicy, delicious relationship. And if you need some support, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. There's a link below in the description. All right. You know what? I think this would be a great place to wrap up today. First off, I'm going to give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrock of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow. There's a teddy bear. And give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. And by the way, this was a gift from my son. If I mentioned this before, this was Dexter, one of our favorite shows to watch. So I'm going to put that up there. I want to thank Penny and Melanie and rhubarb and Rose and Cara and Cindy and Harmony and Melanie. Big Melanie. Thank you so much for that email the other day. Alexandra, Didi, Cia, Sherry's in the house. Rose, Charlene, punch, punch. I hope I answered your question. Thank you so much. All right, folks. Big hugs to you all. Wishing you a fab evening. Bye now. Bye bye.