 can we overcome distrust? So can trust be rebuilt if we've made a mistake, if we've showcased untrustworthiness or maybe we had a bad day and we didn't show up the same the previous way that we had shown up in interactions. Can we rebuild trust? So we can rebuild trust but it depends on what broke the trust and it depends on how you go about rebuilding it and because people just say sorry and sometimes an apology is enough but an apology has to be appropriate for the condition. So if say you embarrass me in public and we're really good friends, close the trust, you embarrass me in public and that trust is broken down and you want to apologize. A simple apology isn't going to be enough, it has to match what broke the trust. So you're taking me into your office privately and saying I'm really really sorry. Likely isn't going to be enough, it has to match that embarrassment I felt. I have to feel like you're doing something that makes you feel vulnerable or you feel embarrassed that matches how I felt. Otherwise that apology actually has the opposite effect. So we just have to make sure that we take into consideration what broke the trust and the way we go about getting it has to equate to at least what broke the trust because if it doesn't and it's not enough it doesn't just not work. It actually has negative consequences that it brings the trust even lower down. So those really quick I'm sorry I didn't mean to I'm really sorry and we just throw them out thinking I know it's better than nothing. It actually isn't better than nothing. It's a lot worse than nothing because it reduces the trust even more. So it sounds like in order to rebuild trust we have to understand how the trust was lost. It's not something that we can flippantly rebuild and it needs to match at least the way our contrition needs to match the way the person felt in their losing trust for us. Yeah and we just need to remember sorry isn't better than nothing. Don't throw around those stories I won't do it again sorry because that can reduce the overall trust and it can reduce your perceived trustworthiness in general too. So we have to make sure that you know that saying that tell me your story show me your story. Now it really is important that your behaviors say truly I am sorry and I'm going out of my way to do something that is negative for me to show you how sorry that I am. There has to be some kind of cost yourself because that's that's what an apology has really been designed to do to say this is negative for me this is something that I don't want to do I'm having a negative consequence for doing this so I'm doing it to show you how willing I am to gain your trust back. So if that story doesn't cost you anything then it isn't actually showing that you really want to rebuild that trust. Right so it doesn't value the relationship in a way that would rebuild the trust.