 Recently I was watching a video from one of my contemporaries talking about what it means to value a woman and oftentimes how men approach this word. And it got me thinking about a TV show I'd been watching recently. It's on Apple TV called The Morning Show with Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon and Steve Carell. And it's a story about a morning talk show, a news talk show and where there's a scandal where the head of the head anchor had been having I was about to say affairs, but it wasn't even affairs. It was basically taking advantage of women sexually. And I thought in this character as I'm witnessing this, he's not genuinely valuing women. He's not valuing the people that he works with. He's operating from a place of myopic. He's a very self-centered person. He only cares about his own feelings. And when you think about that, when a person doesn't value another person, it's oftentimes because they're only focused on what they want and not really caring about the other person. Now there's another character in the show, the news or the weather anchor and he's having a consensual relationship with one of the subordinates. I say subordinate didn't work directly under him in the show and he operates from a very respectful place for this person. So these are two people that are in their work environment having sexual relationships with people. One not genuinely valuing women and the other one valuing. So I wanted to lean into this conversation today because I was actually talking to one of my clients today and I was sharing how men don't really have consequences. Well, I shouldn't say men. Human beings don't have much of a consequence when it comes to the dating mating and market, dating, mating or relating marketplace today. Now you might be saying, well, Jonathan, why should there be consequences? You know, I think when we connect with people on an emotional level, I often wonder should we have greater responsibility for how we treat one another? Certainly there's no laws against ghosting. There's no laws against disappearing. There's no laws against, there's not even a financial consequence. You can't take someone to court because they didn't return a phone call or they slept with you on the first date and never called back or they dated you for six months and made all kinds of promises and loved bombed you. Well, whether they loved bombed you for one week to get you in bed or love bombed you and you had a short-lived relationship with someone. There's no consequence for that. It's because it used to be we actually value people in a different sense in the past or at least that's my fantasy we value people because there were consequences. When you think back to when we lived in villages and in tribes, you know, if you dissed someone from your tribe, there were all the other tribes people that would basically make you accountable for what you did. In fact, if we think back to the 50s here in the United States and small towns, if someone was dating my little sister, I'd have a shotgun out on that first date pointed at that guy's face saying, what's your intentions with my little sister? And because of that, because there was a consequence, they actually treated this person with a greater level of respect, a greater level of value. And yet today, because we're meeting total strangers, today we're meeting people that we barely know, we have no responsibility to treat them with respect. And that saddens me. Now, I must admit, I'm guilty of this to some degree. Have I ghosted before? Yes, I have. Did I break a law? No, I didn't. But I broke the law of the human code and that's treat people with kindness, treat people with respect, treat people the way you wanna be treated. And so I see in this particular area where quite frankly, if the number one emotional health issue facing most everyone is, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable, then doesn't it make sense to treat people with respect, to treat them with some level of value than for your own selfish needs? You know, our dating marketplace today is a very selfish dating marketplace. It's all, and this is true of women as well as men. So I don't wanna make this singular to men. I'm saying this is true for men and women alike is it's operated from a very selfish place. What can I get? We don't operate from a dating perspective of what I can give. We operate from a place of what can I get? For some people it might be sex. For some people it might be a free meal. For some people it's the idea of being romance to convince them to love them, to love someone or to be romanced or to be the romancer. You know, wouldn't it be great if we operated from a greater level of value, a greater level of respect? And I think one of the ways to shift this narrative, because first off, folks, I want you to think of this and I'm gonna talk about a way a man can demonstrate his value, demonstrate his value to you that might help you determine if they're worthy enough to be in relationship with them. So first off, I want you to think about the relationship hierarchy, the relationship readiness hierarchy. What does that look like? Number one, be your best self. Do personal development work, do therapy, do self-help work to be your best self, to be your best communicator, to have the emotional maturity in the relationship skills to actually be able to navigate a relationship. And yet many are suffering in this area. They have childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause them to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life. This is why I'm such a big proponent of individuals doing the personal development work. This is why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. By the way, there's a link below. You get a copy of all the books I recommend. And being your best self is also taking care of your health. You know, being physically fit is an important factor in relationship because I know a lot of women tell me, Jonathan, I don't wanna be a nurse or a purse and I can speak for myself. I don't wanna be a bank or a doctor. Now that seems kind of, I don't wanna say sexist, but we'll say doctors can be men and women and nurses can be men and women and you can be a bank in some way. Either sex can be that. But I'm here to say, being your best physical self allows you to actually navigate a relationship for a much longer period than the first few dates that takes to get someone in bed. Oh my God, I said that because a relationship is more than that. In fact, my whole coaching, and by the way, here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. My whole coaching is centered around one simple premise. Is partnership? Is partnership? Now, partnership can look a variety of different ways. In my world, it's either marriage or living together or a significant relationship where you're seeing each other two, three, four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together, getting married. Those are the kind of clients I wanna work with. And yet, sadly, 80% of the relationships out there these days, they're experiencing cyber relationships, meaning their relationship is mostly on this device, well, not my device in particular, but their devices. It might be a friends with benefits, it might be a situation ship, or it might be what probably, as I said, 80% of relationships are today, are casual relationships. Casual relationships are an indication of not valuing someone if one person wants partnership and the other person really just wants you at their beck and call, they want companionship, they want connection, they want sex, but they don't really want a serious fully committed relationship. So I talked about the relationship ready as hierarchy. The second piece on this is clarity. Where do you fall in this category? Are you seeking marriage living together or something substantial? Or are you okay with casual? Because basically this folks, if you start casual, it's incredibly, incredibly rare that it will ever get beyond casual. It's better to start off with what I'm about to share with you in a moment. The other thing is doing what I teach and that's vetting people. You know, folks, going back to this TV show I was watching called The Morning Show, they didn't vet their co-anchor and they didn't know what they were getting into. They're getting themselves, they didn't know what they were getting themselves into, excuse me, the head of the studio. My point is this, we have to vet people, we have to, we have to become detectives. I am sorry, but in a world of scammers, in a world of catfishers, in a world of completely dysfunctional human beings, if you're not operating as a detective, then you might be setting yourself up for a disappointment. But Jonathan, all I need to do is sit back in my feminine energy and let the man lead and the relationship is just gonna magically work out because magic fairy dust works out all the time. Folks, this fantasy narrative that we say in movies isn't the reality we're dealing with. And I don't mean to sound like an alarmist, but we have a lot of emotionally fucked up people out there. Just like this main character in the show I was talking about. Do you know how he lured some of his, I don't wanna call them victims per se, but I'll call them that for this moment. You know what he did? He described his dysfunctional marriage and gained sympathy from the women. Does that sound vaguely familiar to what's happening in the dating realm today? Do you realize men and women use each other as pseudo therapists by vomiting their dysfunctionality to someone and what happens is you could be one of those people that gets attached from an empathetic place or from a sympathetic place. This is known as trauma bonding. If you're not familiar with trauma bonding, do me a favor, go to Google right now. Hey, Google, what does trauma bonding mean? Yeah, let's see. According to a mission for Michael, trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships. However, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members and friends. Are you guys catching that? I mean, do you realize that if you're in the demographic that I speak to the midlife, which is after baby making years before retirement, 75% of the demographic there is divorced and many of them had this unraveling of the tapestry of their life and in that they experienced a credible amount of trauma. Now, while Google said it's narcissistic, it doesn't have to be narcissistic person and it could be a self-centric person. It could be an unconscious person. It could be a codependent person that bonds through trauma. Why am I yelling at the top of my lungs to shake people up? Let me shake the camera. To shake people up. To be more conscious. Because if you wanna be valued, it's important to do your job vetting. You have to become a detective. And the third piece is learning how to be attractive to the opposite sex, too, for my heterosexual clients. To not just be attractive, but learn how to flirt. Many of you are terrible at this. Can I tell you I view dating profiles on a regular basis for my clientele? You've got really shitty dating profiles out there that are unattractive. It's they're only attractive to those even more fucked up people out there. And then last but not least in the relationship readiness is understanding how to maintain and make a relationship thrive. If you haven't developed the school's tools to make it thrive, you're setting yourself up for another disappointment. By the way, I get it. There are people out there that are in happy relationships. The clock is, the broken clock is right twice a day. And yet the vast majority of human beings are suffering in the relationship realm. Well over 50% are, how do I know this? Because the divorce rate is 50%. And there's nothing fun about going through a divorce. And you realize in second and third marriages, the divorce rate is 65 to 70%. That means you have a greater chance of having a miserable second or third relationship in your life if you don't do the work ahead of time. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button right now. If this is resonating, please share this video with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel and hit the bell. And please share this. So what's it gonna take for a man to value you? I think what's really, you have to set the stage right from the get-go of determining is he intentional about a serious relationship. Is he intentional? Because if he's not, then he doesn't value you. Now, what does intentionality look like? First off, establishing your standards. What does that look like for you? Folks, my standard was simple. Two or three days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and professional life. By the way, I've got to turn on the fan here. It's getting hot for a second for me. Sorry if that's gonna, if you hear that. And let me turn that down a little. Okay, so, being intentional. When I talked about earlier, with the man on the morning show, the newscaster or the weather person, I should say, he was intentional about wanting to develop a relationship. He said, they started as an affair, but at the end of the day, he said, look, I wanna take you out on dates. I wanna meet your family. I want to integrate you into my life. But Jonathan, I'm in a long-distance relationship and all we do is talk on the phone and text all day long. Folks, if you're not integrating each other's life, it's difficult to be intentional in a relationship. Being intentional is also is understanding what is the mechanics to make a relationship work. And reading, by the way, I continually recommend reading a book. It was too far away for me for a moment. Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. When men actually, by the way, folks, I've had women tell me, I've had, they've told me, Jonathan, before I get serious with a guy, I want us both to read this book together. That's at least intentional. That's at least doing, going in the right direction instead of operating from this fantasy realm because most of you want the man to lead and you're giving the job to the wrong person and most guys, excuse me, are winging it. They're winging it. They're winging it. Because nobody teaches this shit. Nobody does. Look it, I know you love the idea of men or provider protectors and that's all you need to know. Folks, it's a lot more than that. If you watch my video on Saturday about the 11 ways to get inside a guy's head, by the way, I highly recommend watching that. 11 ways to get inside a guy's head because if you don't understand that this whole narrative you've been sold, your whole life that men are provider protectors and that's all you need to know in men or hunters, you are setting yourself up for a big disappointment, especially since a lot of men after divorce, the last thing they want to be is a provider for someone, but that's a whole nother conversation. Look it, a man won't value a woman until he genuinely values himself and be on the egoic valuing themselves from an arrogant place. Number one, but more importantly, when a man demonstrates that he wants partnership with someone, that is a demonstration of value and quite frankly, anything less than that, don't settle, it's not worth it. You will probably be incredibly disappointed. Has anyone experienced that before? A man who is casual, a man who is ambivalent, a man with no direction, did it succeed? I highly doubt it if you're watching my channel. A man who's intentional that has a direction for fully committed relationship leading to partnership, in my mind, is valuing you as an individual, especially if he approaches you from a romantic perspective, because we can always value people in our day-to-day lives, but I'm talking particularly those that pursue you from a romantic perspective. All right, I think I've pontificated enough. Did you find value in what I shared? Please let me know. All right, so, time for questions. For those who know my format, know that if you have a question for me, write the word question, then post the question thereafter, or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All of the monies from a Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. That's him with his brother. My son passed away four and a half years ago, and in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute, just to name a few. And you simply hit the dollar sign in the chat box, or if you're watching the replay, hit the super thanks and donate to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. All right, thanks so much. All right, if you have questions, post the questions. Let's see what we have going for tonight. Let's see, let's go swimming. Here we go. Beverly writes, question. After five months of dating with a commitment, he now wants more time. What gives? Five months of dating with a commitment, now I don't get it, wants more time? That's a good thing. I would think a man who wants more time with you who you guys, you have commitment and he wants more time. That's a good thing in my book, Beverly. Can you elaborate that one for me? Cause that one's confused me. Thank you so much. All right, let's go. T. Davis wrote, excellent video on point with your perspective and information as always. Thank you for pointing this out. Thank you, T. Davis, I appreciate it. Sylvia says, trauma bonding equals narcissists. That is quite possibly true. Let's see what we got. Let's go swim in. Again, write the word question and post the question there after. All right, here we go. Question from, I can't pronounce your name. Why do some men move really quickly, say they want to be with you, but then disappear? That's a really easy one. We want to fuck you. I'm sorry. Guys who come on strong is usually they want sex or they're experiencing what's known as limerence. That's extreme infatuation. But also, there's no basis for that infatuation other than chemicals being released in the brain that either make a guy lust for you from a sexual perspective or they've put you up on a pedestal in some sense in their life. And they're probably just not capable of leaning into a relationship. But 99 out of 100 times they can then come on strong because they want to have sex with you. By the way, folks, what do men think about on a first date? I am guilty of this when I met my beloved. Of course I thought about her sexually on a first date. I hope she thought about me sexually on the first date. Actually, our first date was a meeting, so I guess that doesn't count. But anyway, great question. I hope that helped answer you. Thank you so much. Let's see. Karen says, excellent topic. Excellent, love this great topic. Thank you. Let's see. Kathleen says, question. Why would I am, why would a I am dating tell me have no plan? I don't really understand your question, Kathleen. I'm sorry about that. I can't read between the lines on that one. All right, let's see what else we have here. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. As Leith had told everyone, if you have a question, please add the word question before your question. So Jonathan can see it. Thank you so much. I can't see them. All right. Looks like we have a conversation here. Folks, if you don't have a question for me, we're gonna be wrapping up really quickly tonight. So if we have questions, okay, here we go. Brenda writes, question. Winnower constantly mentions her and past life. So it is not uncommon. By the way, there isn't the question there, but I'll glean from what you said there. It is not uncommon for a widower, man or woman, to feel the pain of the loss of someone special to them. Folks, you all know I lost a child. There's a picture of Connor right there. He's with me every day of my life. When you love someone, they don't disappear. So you have to remember that when you're dating a widower, that person is an active person in their life. That's not uncommon. And I don't judge a begrudge or judge anyone that feels that way. Can they move on? Yeah. We don't like to. We don't wanna move on when we've lost someone special. Sometimes we just wanna hold on to the pain because that keeps them there. It keeps them alive for us. Sometimes we talk about them incessantly because we want them there with us right in that moment. Sometimes we blab on social media just to get sympathy because we're in so much pain of losing someone special in our lives. See, you never move on from someone you loved who's passed away. You just find a way to live with it. I don't know if I answer your question, but that's the reality that we're faced with, everyone. Let's keep going. Question from Rachel. My problem is I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. I'm in love with him, but I don't think he feels the same about me. What should I do? Folks, a healthy relationship should be communicating on a daily basis their feelings and their emotions with each other on a regular basis. Relationships that are built on genuine trust. Trust is integrating each other into your lives together. That's how trust is built. It's being there for each other as a teammate. That is how trust is built. To communicate with them like they're your best friend. That is how trust is built. If it's one-sided, if it's lopsided, then you are experiencing closer to unrequited love because on some level, you might have put them up on a pedestal or set the relationship apart from there from the way they view it because either you're not speaking the same language with each other or you're not on the same page. Folks, look at, everyone know, there's my beloved. And by the way, there'll be a video of us in a few days coming out and I'm gonna announce her name officially with everyone. We were very upfront right from the get-go. By the third time we saw each other, we had decided that we wanted to explore a fully committed relationship that would lead to living in the same city or living together. And we did that in the seven months we've been together now. It was intentional because I valued her but I also valued the sanctity of a fully committed relationship. And many of you, as I said, are experiencing casual relationships and you can love someone in a casual relationship. It doesn't mean you're committed to them because it isn't real love. It's usually just attachment. Thank you, Rachel, for your question. Pretty disabled says, question, what makes you feel valued in a relationship? Oh, I wish I could say publicly what my girlfriend says to me. It's sexual. So I'm gonna leave it off for her sake. How do I feel valued in my relationship? We have the four A's in our relationship. Attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. Let me repeat that. Attention, we give each other attention every day. Affection, we are constantly touching each other in an affectionate way. Appreciation, we say gratitude and thank you to each other as a regular function of our relationship. And we accept each other words and all. Look, she wished she could have found the Photoshop version of me. The guy that looked 10 or 15 years younger. By the way, I had current pictures. It's just some of them were Photoshop. But anyway, and I would have liked her to be 20 years younger. I wish we'd known each other 20 years sooner so we could have spent our youth having fun. We just have to do it now with a little bit older bodies. But my point is, how do I feel valued? Attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. I hope that helps everyone. And that's how a man demonstrates value as well. All right, let's keep swimming. Dragonfly says, question. I've been dating a man for a year and a half and he has yet to have any followup questions to anything I talk about. How do I get him to engage? Folks, I don't get, I'm sorry, I don't get this. The best relationships are with two people who are best friends with each other. They talk to each other like best friends. Best friends share with each other. We're vulnerable, we're authentic, we're transparent with one another. If you've gone a year and a half and he doesn't engage, then he's got something to hide or he's not, listen, you're in a casual relationship, accept it. If you want something serious, set your expectations and then move on, not expectations, let me reverse that. Well, Willy Wonka, reverse that. You're standard and if he doesn't meet that, move on. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Cynthia writes, question. Advice on long distance in the beginning stage is phone calls daily, how long until first meetup if the distance is quite a bit? Folks, don't invest in a long distance, look it. When my beloved emailed me, she lived 1,700, 1,800 miles away. We developed a little bit of a friendship for over a year. It was non-romantic and we didn't speak on a regular basis but we spoke about seven, eight times before we actually met, number one. When we finally met and we agreed to explore a long distance relationship, we spoke every day, every day because we were making plans to see each other. Folks, if you don't have the financial resources to do a long distance relationship, don't do it. Don't expect the man to pay for everything, number one. Number two, if you can't regularly see each other on average of at least five days in a month, I wouldn't invest in it. It's probably not gonna work out. And that's being very generous when I say five days and what I mean to say is at a minimum five days, in my particular case, we saw each other every two weeks for a three week period of time before we agreed to move in together. And we spent three weeks each two and a half weeks one time and then three weeks the next time then I visited her for a week but we'd already planned on moving in together by then. My point in sharing all this folks, if you're not spending regular time together, you're success, by the way, it's hard enough to make a relationship where someone lives five miles away, a success if you don't have regular time together because men don't bond through these devices. Folks, you can build some familiarity with these devices but we only bond with you through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests and fucking you on a regular basis. That's how we bond. By the way, I'm sorry if I offended anyone by saying fucking. I just like to say it that way because it's sex and it's love making and all the things in between. All right, that's my two cents on that one. I wanna thank Caroline for your $10 super sticker. I'll get to your question in a second. Okay, question. If he says he thinks he's married, what does that even mean? I'm hung up. Folks, do I even have to answer that one? Any guy that uses the M word and you're a single woman? Run, Forrest, run! Beverly Keith writes, question to clarify, we have been dating exclusively for five months, including a great vacation. Now he asked me for more time to decide if he wants to continue or to date others. Now that sucks. Yeah, he's lost interest. He's pulling back. He's setting up his escape clause. It's not working for him. Why would this happen, folks? It's rare two people are really a good fit for one another. It is fucking rare. It used to be that when there was a financial reason to connect with people, stayed together longer. But now it's just purely based on our feelings and feelings aren't facts. Feelings can change all the time. I'm sorry this happened. Why? Does the why really matter? What matters most is what are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna stand in your power or is he going to be all consuming of you when he's already on the verge of moving on? Don't put up with that shit. Look, if you don't want to explore a fully committed relationship with me, dude, then let's just move on. But just know this. If we move on, I won't be speaking to you ever again. Do you value me? Then don't pull this shit on me. Either shit or get off the pot. Folks, is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Thank you, Beverly, sending you a big hug. Deborah, how do we know what type of man fits our personality? I'm an Aquarius. What signs best fit me? Folks, our, look at astrology. Yeah, I could fit any narrative to make an astrology thing work. Let's focus on who's really compatible with you? Forget their sign. Who's really aligned to who you are and what you want? Who shares your values? Whose lifestyles are blendable with yours? More importantly, who's emotionally mature enough to be in relationship with you? That's more important questions. I'm gonna get to Caroline's now. Caroline, thank you again for the $10 super sticker. By the way, everyone, you can purchase a super sticker. Nothing stops a man from dating the right woman. If he isn't the right place financially, emotionally, no woman will interest him. Is there a third possibility? You know, here's the thing. When a guy is not in a good place emotionally, financially, the ground underneath him doesn't feel solid to be able to lean into a relationship. So, you know, ultimately we can attach ourselves to people but I'm talking about building a life with someone requires being able to financially take care of yourself and emotionally take care of yourself. Folks, we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality out there. You know, most humans are ridiculously emotionally dysfunctional. The hard part is everybody thinks they're not dysfunctional. Most everybody does. So, women and men alike. So, I think, is there a third possibility? Not to the top of my head, I can't think of one. But thank you again for the $10 super sticker. I really appreciate that. Let's keep swimming. Let's keep bup, bup, bup. Jennifer writes, question. Do you think that some people are traumatized from their relationships for life? By the way, if you've been traumatized and you haven't gotten, you haven't done any healing, yes, it will most likely last a lifetime. Healing is how we move through it. You know, I shared earlier a very personal, emotional reveal about my son, Connor, who passed away, an incredibly traumatic thing. I made a conscious choice at his funeral. I said, I have a choice. I can grieve with suffering or I can grieve with love. Love is the antidote to suffering. It's not easy. It's not easy to choose love every day. And yet it's a vaccination to emotional chaos when we can love ourselves and others. I'm loving myself and everyone else. I'm loving myself and everyone else. I'm loving myself and everyone else. It's possible, but it takes a lot of love and a lot of healing. Thank you, Jennifer. I appreciate your question. Leaf just jumped in. Question, what are your plans for Christmas and the holidays in the new year? Should we expect to break well-deserved in your live schedule from you and your girlfriend and families? Thank you so much. So, let's see, in three days we'll be, a video will be premiering with my beloved and I together. Let's see. I'll have my usual Sunday morning videos available. We are going to Chicago to visit her family and we are taking a nice cruise down to Mexico. But I might, I'll be working. We'll see, but thank you for the question. I appreciate it. And by the way, this cruise is a business great opportunity because I'm connecting with a singles group down there. I'm hopeful that I'll be starting to do speaking gigs on cruise ships. So cross your fingers on that one. Pretty said, I think your son was lucky to have a dad like you who seemed to have so much love for him. Oh, thank you so much. Question from, I can't pronounce your name. I am dating with intention to find a family and I'm searching, scaring off some men's who are asking way too early about if they want to have kids. When is the best moment? Look at, when I was 27, let's see, I met my wife, I was 20, let's see, I was like 27 or 20, I was 27. And I knew I wanted to get married and start a family. I knew it at that age. I get it that this generation is a lot different but either a man wants to start a family, get married and start a family or he just want, or he's hoping that something will change his mind. So there are men like myself who were intentional and all my circle of friends wanted it because that was the programming we had. We're intentional versus those, they go, well, if I meet the right woman, I'll think about it. That's like saying, yeah, I'd like to have the right job and I'll work hard if I have the right job but until then I just want to go to the beach and go surfing all day long. Without intentionality, it's hard to do anything in your life. Focus on those men is my suggestion. Let's keep swimming. Deborah writes, what love language would a narcissist be and how do you live with their self-centered behavior? Does it really matter if I said to you it's words of affirmation, well, that's mine and I'd hope I'm not a narcissist. So does it matter what their love language is? Does it? Cause by the way, it's all of them, it's all of them. Maybe not the salt same time but a narcissist probably, you know, I mean, I guess the question becomes how does a narcissist feel love? Is it by walking by a mirror and looking at themselves? Narcissists probably live a very empty experience for themselves and while they can be charming, depending on their level of narcissism, it's irrelevant. What matters most is are you gonna love yourself so you can catch the clues as to who is a user versus who's a grower and a builder with you? That's what I'd rather you learn. Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you, Deborah. Pretty says, attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance, exactly. Question, met my long distance guy like him all around except Eek, he is very thin, didn't show in his profile. Don't really like thin guys and maybe I could get past it. Your thoughts, what if he thought you were too fat? Just curious, I'm sorry. You thought you were too heavy. How would you feel if he said, I need you to lose weight before I like you? I'm just curious, how would you feel about that? Folks, I get what we're attracted to but what's more important is what's in their heart. Are they a good human being? I know over a third of the women I've coached told me I wasn't attracted to my guy on the first, second or third date but something changed. Listen, I'll be blunt. I wish that my girlfriend looked younger. I did, even though everyone thinks she's 20 years younger. She wished I looked different. I'm sure she wished I was 10 pounds lighter. But what matters most to me is her heart. She's got a beautiful heart. That matters most more than the shape of her butt. Okay, anyway, thank you for your question. Ah, let's keep swimming. Sandra says, I'm a widower. I agree, thank you so much. Ah, let's see, butt go swimming. Kellyanne, let's see, Jonathan, help me. I need an answer for this question. Why do men stare at women he has no interest in? I stare at every woman. I think about sex a lot about them. I'm human. That's what we men do. Is it really that big of a deal? I mean, if it's not done in a crude way, if it's just, hey, a guy catches. Look it, the other day I was telling my girlfriend, wow, that guy is great looking, great looking. You should do him. I said it as a joke. When we can't appreciate the opposite sex or even the same sex. You know, when you genuinely love, when two people genuinely love each other, a lot of the insecurity goes away. What's mostly missing, I suspect, in your relationship is a genuine attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance for one another because you're probably not communicating like two really good friends with one another. That's what I'd be more focused on and whether or not he looks at a woman or not. Thank you so much. Do you know how to swim? I've heard 20 people fall off cruises a year. 95 don't make it. I think knowing how to swim can help. I haven't actually been in a swimming pool in a little while but I have learned how to swim. Thank you so much. Let's see. Jennifer Elief says, Narcs are extremely insecure. Childhood trauma, you'll be okay. Though, good head on your high value shoulders. Exactly. Sherry Lynn says, I wish everyone love and peace and happiness. These videos are great for advice. I wish I watched them 30 years ago. I wish I was making them 30 years ago. Thank you so much. Pam says, thank you Jonathan, playing to see the distance guy again anyhow. Okay, well good luck with that. All right, let's see what we got. So let's keep swimming. You know what? I'm getting kind of tired and it's towards the end of the day. Folks, there's nothing easy about the dating marketplace today. It's not. It's very hard. It requires, as I said before, being a detective. It requires being your best self. It requires being in your best shape of your life. It requires being attractive enough to the opposite sex. It requires learning flirting skills. It requires learning how to vet for emotional maturity. It also requires being emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship. But more importantly, learning the skills to navigate a successful relationship requires understanding the mechanics of a healthy, happy relationship. If you haven't read the book, even though it's called The Seven Principles of Making a Marriage Work, even though it's marriage, just replace the word seven principles for making a fully committed relationship work. If you don't know the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship, guys don't have any clue. They don't buy these books. You better figure this shit out before you invest your mind, your body, your soul, and your spirit to someone. That's my invitation to you anyway. Excuse me. All right, let's see. I think you get the gist of where I'm going, everyone. Folks, I am honored to be able to share with you how I feel about dating, mating, or dating. I hope I'm making a difference in your life. If I am, please post a comment below. Please share this video. Please like this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Please hit the bell to be notified of new videos. Also schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Or join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. If you have Facebook, we interact in the group on a daily basis. You can connect with me for less than $20 a month. All right, that's enough pitching. Oh, one last pitch. Right below this video is my store. I now have new mugs. It's a radical honesty and salty love. And if you notice there, it says in honor of Connor. I hope you can see that. Oops, let's see if you can see that. Give me a favor to support Connor and the scholarship fund. Check out the store I have. You can get a t-shirt or you can purchase a mug or some of the other fun items there. I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. I wanna wish you all the best this holiday season and certainly as we go into the new year. Let's make this a year where you invest in yourself. You invest in nurturing your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-confidence because that is truly attractive when you can operate from that place of genuinely loving yourself. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. First off, I'm gonna give myself a big, gigantic John the Merrick of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow. There's a teddy bear. Give inner them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank, who am I going to thank? I wanna thank Elena's in the house and Mia and Kelly and Pretty and Jennifer and Leaf and Sherry and Venetta and Wanda and Fedet and Pam and Sherry and Tony. And let's see, God love freedom. Michelle, my gosh, everyone, big hugs to you all. Wishing you happy holidays. Take care, we'll see you soon. Bye now.