 When the narcissist triangulates you with their ex, when the narcissist first targeted you, they played the victim, as though their ex was a bad person. The person who was treating them unfairly and cruelly over a long period of time, and then they put you in position to be the person who rescues them from this. The person who saves them from this dangerous or difficult situation, they want you to confirm that they are the victim. They are the ones who had something done wrong to them, but when they're doing this, they will lie about it. They will change the facts to suit them, to make them look good. They cannot give you the facts from the beginning, because otherwise that would be unfearable for them, and then you wouldn't give them your approval or support. Which is what they're looking for when they target you, but even if you don't agree with what they're saying, they will take what you said and share it with all of your family and friends, and all of their family and friends, until everyone knows about your business. They're always running their mouths to other people, people who shouldn't know anything about your business. They're making you look bad, they're making you look like a fool, they're making a poor impression of you, until people no longer look at you as a good person. But the narcissist may not be aware of this, they're just doing it to make people believe their story, without understanding the damage and effects that it's causing. They're only interested in people who agree with them, because they can't handle the truth about themselves, they can't accept that there is something wrong with them. When they first targeted you, they played the victim, they acted as though their ex did something to them, they wanted you to feel bad for them, because that was their way into your life. They already knew that you were a compassionate person, they knew that you would show sympathy and concern for them, so all they had to do was play the victim, and acted as though they were in need of some help or support. But once they got in with you, they switched up, they used a bait and switched tactic, they baited you with the idea that you were going to save them from something that happened with their ex, but once you're fully involved with them, and you've been around them long enough, they switch up on you, they act as though you are the one who is at fault, you are the one who can't do enough, and then they re-idealize their ex. They represent their ex to you as being much better than they really are, because then that makes you question what you're doing for them, it makes you feel like you're not doing enough, because what a narcissist really wants is for you to do more, they want you to keep trying harder to please them, so that you don't realize that they're not doing anything for you, they're not bringing anything to the table, and yet they're comparing you with their ex, the person who they used to bait you in, the person they used and his sub-story to make you feel bad for them, but now they're regarding this person as being better than you. It's crazy making, it makes no sense, but the narcissist expects you to go along with it, they expect you to follow their narrative, because they're completely delusional, they live in a fantasy world that has no basis in reality, so despite everything you may have done for them, you become the bad person, the narcissist becomes the victim once again, but this time their ex is a rescuer, their ex is the person who is supposed to save them, they take over the role that the narcissist originally gave to you when they first targeted you, this is how they triangulate you, and then they talk about you to other people, they say that you're mistreating them, but everyone else thinks they're a nice person, they can't understand why someone would do anything bad to them, but the narcissist isn't telling people what they're doing, they're not telling people all of the bad things they've done, so then people who want to help will be drawn into this, they will have sympathy for the person, who they believe to be the victim, when really, the narcissist is not a victim, the narcissist is the one who is orchestrating all of this chaos, they're the ones who are planning and coordinating the elements of the situation, to produce their desired effect, they're setting it up, they're putting it together, and once they've re-idealized their ex, and brought their ex back into agreement with them, they put them in a higher position, over the person they have already established a relationship with, because they like it when someone agrees with them, they like it when people are on their side, and that is why they eventually use their ex against you, because their ex already knows everything about you, but you know nothing about them, you know nothing, because the narcissist has only fed you lies, they never gave you a true account of anything, so you're essentially being put into a competition, where they find to see that narcissist is created in their heads, it has no basis in reality, you're just being fed this narrative that something is wrong with you, while their ex can do anything wrong, but their ex has the ability to see everything in your relationship, because the narcissist has already told them everything about it, while you have no correct knowledge of what actually happened with them, because you've just been fed a pack of lies, narcissists are pathological liars, they lie even when there's no reason to do so, they lie just because it makes them feel in control, when you don't know as much as they do, but this is when their ex is soon advanced to the primary position, and you're pushed to the side, you're treated as their backup supply, you're just something they're involved in for the time being, until some other arrangement is made, because the way they see it is, if there's no future in place, they don't have to put in any work, they don't have to do anything for you, so once again they've found a way to relieve themselves of their duties and responsibilities, but at the same time, they're sharing your business, because all they really want is praise and admiration for themselves, they want to be at a high and powerful level, they want to feel like they're worshipped by someone, despite all of the wrong things that they have done, they don't want to be held accountable for it, which is why they put their ex in position, to be this person who rescued them, this person who saves them from a difficult or dangerous situation, because they can't stand the truth, they can't deal with the truth, if you are trying to bring the truth to the narcissist, they will turn against you, it is much easier to be fake and to manipulate the narcissist, than it is to be truthful, which is why they will often triangle at you with their ex, because their ex could be just as fake as them, which is exactly what they want, they can't stand the truth, they hate reality, they want people to be fake, they want people to pretend, if you do that for a narcissist, they will reward you with money or sex, but it just creates a big mess, when nothing makes any sense, because nothing is real, it's all just something that has been fabricated in the mind of a narcissist, which you have to reflect back to them, if you want them to see you in a positive light, you have to pretend like they're so much greater than what they actually are, and you have to pretend like you're not as great as you really are, because that's the only way that they're going to accept you, is if you pretend, if you play their game, if you see things their way, you have to deny your own worth, you have to pretend like you're not really about anything, because the only person they're going to want on their side, is their ex, the person who they want to rescue them, because they only favor people who agree with them, and that is why the narcissist will always be in competition with you, they will never really be on your side, even though at times they may pretend like they are, they will never really support you, because before anything else, they have to support their false self, they have to support the illusion that they are the all-powerful and all-knowing, the most attractive or the most wealthy, they have to be the best, even if it's just in their minds, that means that you and any truthful facts you bring to them, have to be seen as the enemy, they cannot coordinate with you on that, because they see it as though it's against them, it's against their false reality, it's against their delusions of grandeur, when the narcissist goes to someone for advice, they don't want the truth, they don't want real assistance, they just want someone to agree with them, they don't want to be wrong, and when they first targeted you, you were that person, you were the person who was meant to agree with them, the person who was meant to rescue them, but when you started to discover that they're not as faultless as they portray themselves to be, they turned against you, and they put someone else in that position, while portraying you as a threatening person, this person who they could blame for everything, this bad person who does everything wrong, which is why you need to recognize these different characters that the narcissist has created, they're stunted at the emotional development of a child, they see things in black and white, so you can only ever be all good, or all bad to the narcissist, there's no in between, and it's only when they first target you, or after they've spent some time away from you, that they can then see you as all good, they're not going to see you as good while you're still with them, even though you may be doing everything for them, because if you're around them you see their flaws, you see their faults and mistakes, you see that there is something wrong with them, which is something they don't want to accept, so they have to see it, as though there's something wrong with you, if you see anything wrong with them, there must be something wrong with you, because they can't stand the truth, they don't want to accept it, they don't want to change anything about themselves, it's much easier for them to blame you, rather than to admit to themselves that they have a problem, or that they have, or that they are酒. So, that's it, I hope that this video resonated with you, please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you are less than 8, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching Queries, you can email me at coaching.nark hardest survivor at the echo UK. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.