 Am I live? All right, I'm in an airport and there's a bunch of people around but Yeah, I don't like recording in front of people but I'm doing this for all of you I'm in a position of the camera Horizontal, I don't know if you guys can hear me. I'm on my iPhone Oh, can you hear me? You guys hear me? Give me a Hi or hello. Oh Well, everybody's saying hi. Okay, cool. Thanks Alex. Hey Jess. Hey everybody All right, so I don't know how long I'm gonna be on here But yeah, I'm gonna give it a few minutes let people come in join, you know, whatever just talk about everything so Anyway, anyways, like I've done a lot of thinking about this and I'm like like I just want to move past it because I know how the How the news and stuff like that works and you tube. I'm like I say something and there's more videos about and it just keeps Going prolonged and everything and I guess the first thing is like thanks everybody who's like had my back And you know sticking around I really really really really appreciate it Like you guys are some of the only reasons why my head's on straight along with my support group and friends And everything like that and like it's crazy. I get so many calls. I appreciate that I'm more or less doing this because it's just not sitting right with me that I have Subscribers who have been around for a really really long time and they're being affected by this, you know, like I You know, I've been on this platform for about a little over a year and Like really hustling for about a year now last year I had less than a thousand subscribers around this time I think right at a thousand around this time and like there's people who you know They've benefited from my mental health tips advice conversation education advocacy whatever you want to call it and there's some people who are just like upset about it and I'm like that doesn't sit well with me. So I want to come on here and address everything So So, yeah, but yeah, don't worry about me everybody like I just want to answer your questions I want to answer Every single thing I'm gonna do my best. This is a pretty big live stream right now So I'm gonna try to answer every single thing if you don't think it was a dress up real quick So I changed the title of my video about leaving the drawing entity I changed the title to To like the timestamp of where I talked about those DMS because I knew it was coming But I wanted to offer some more Clarity or whatever it is for everybody So, I don't know I guess I guess I'll just start there like that's the thing That's the thing. So that's the main thing so Like I I admit I could have handled it a Lot better message messaging and reaching out to the other drama channels, you know or the drama channels, right? Like I'm the type of guy like do you ever have that you have a guy in your friend group or a woman in your friend group Who just like copies the paste stuff and they send it to like five people like that's who I am and that's who I've always been All right, I am that idiot who will say something to one person and because I'm impatient and I save time I copy and paste it to other people right So when the Trisha pay this thing was going down, that's what I did like I Something that I've I've looked at with the YouTube community It really like bumps me out that everybody's so disconnected and not really friends or anything so I wanted to I Wanted to kind of like, you know reach out and make friends with people and stuff and like You know, although I don't consider myself a drama channel. I was trying to be friends with people who are making videos about similar things like That what I was doing, you know, and when the Trisha pay this thing happened, you know I like and all honestly, I should have just shut up because everybody was gonna see it anyways Like I look back at I'm like, why the fuck why the fuck did I even Message people about this like why like it would have been seen anyways, but but yeah, like I Was I felt, you know offended and attacked and one thing that I'm I've been working on for years now Is I get defensive for other people like when other people are Being attacked or I think other people are getting hurt like, you know, even though I have feelings and emotions and all that stuff Like I I have thicker skin than most I've had to I've had to right You know, I do legitimately worry about what everybody all sees and that's one of the reasons why I'm doing this live stream So like I mentioned in my video. I was reaching out to these channels to To like kind of start a conversation like part of those is for the conversation like hey This is happening, you know, like let's talk about You know, let's talk about this. You know what I mean Okay, I'm okay. I'm a person of color I don't know if you know, that's something that I'll all dress right now Like I heard like I've been watching the drama videos on me So you'll have to answer ask questions, but I heard like somebody said something about me talking about people of color I am I am I'm half African-American. Okay? I'm half Sicilian half African-American. I've discussed this. So that is that's something that I don't understand So anyways and yeah, it's like me just being friendly inside and like people are saying lol Like that's me laughing at Trisha. That's not that's not my intention like some of you are taught to in BMS and You see me on Twitter like go look at my tweets like I put laughing emojis I put lol that's me lightening the mood That's just how I do it and I've I've been somebody who always feels more comfortable talking through text rather than voice And now I'm saying like okay Chris don't do that don't do that because that you know I'm finally understanding why people say don't do that because Things can be taken out of context and you know like like so my intention I Win what and who's fault is that is it mine? Is it there? You know like I'll take responsibility Like I guess like I like I understand like I look at it I'm like hmm. I understand how somebody can that you know I'm laughing at Trisha for me like saying that like I kind of you know lighten up the mood I lighten up the situation You know what I mean like one of my things like you guys you guys to see my videos I joke around with life, you know what I'm saying Like I deal with life by laughing. That's what I do. I love watching comedy. I love watching comedians something else oh I guess too is Like somebody pulled up like Facebook post I made like years ago in 2013 like Yeah, I have a twisted dog sense of humor You know like that that's just who I am. That's just how I am and I'm one of those people who think comedians You know, I don't like I don't agree when people are getting Comedians I don't agree when comedians are being attacked and everything, but yeah, I think that's like the main thing I just wanted to talk about and just put all out that all out there about the DMs and at the end of the day like you you can believe them You can believe me at the end of the day. That's up to you It's just I wanted to do this for people who have been negatively affected by this. Oh Thank you for the super chat If you want it needs to be relaxed That was T by Ali who use old Facebook posts. Yeah Yeah, well, okay, so Gn said sorry I'm trying to like go through here. Maybe I'll turn screen the other way Nope can't do that. All right, so Gn said we're so old out of that I like this ask you all to remember I got sober in 2012 and And and yeah, I've made plenty of videos about the awful person I used to be and Like I still don't I still don't really think like us, you know those like jerks that I posted That's just my sense of humor and a lot of you who have been watching my videos Just know I don't believe in outrage culture and getting offended by things like there's way more serious stuff going on Yeah, I think I'll leave it up. I love you Chris. Love you to Okay, if it's okay, how do I deal with possible bullying? Katsudo, how do you deal with possible bullying? I'm dealing with it right now. Oh Okay, so siren cove So, yeah, like I just I've been blocking people on Twitter just for my own sanity so And I don't like doing this like one of the reasons I didn't want to make this video is because I didn't want to like Talk about these other youtubers and stuff like that because that's not that's not what I I do That's not what I feel like that's something that I believe separates me from drama channels, but yeah, like I Will say this not specifically siren cove, but there are other people there are people who messaged me who reached out to me and I might have I might have messaged them. I don't remember But they were talking to me about the trisha pay the situation, right? they were talking to me about that and then I was talking to them and Something that kind of bothers me is I would ask them questions like for example, I never I knew I never was making a video about it And he was waiting weeks. Well, you guys all know how much content I put out So I was following up with people and asking them about it Just so I can kind of plan my content, right because as a youtuber I have to get ready for Okay, well, what kind of video is I never putting out? What kind of video is this person putting out about it? How should I strategize my content? You know, especially because I was trying to move away from some of the trisha pay stuff, you know and all that So, yeah Yeah, Jean it's not that deep Yeah, and and again like you know if I don't even know how to say that properly But any jokes that I had in the past I used to joke around a lot more like I apologize You know, I've tried that I tried to tame myself like a lot of people, you know a lot of people don't like my you know don't like I Don't know but like I've been around my friends and everything for like that for so long But again, like I understand how some people can get offended like here's the thing I'll always empathize with people who get offended for me for me And what I try to teach people is like I don't have time for that, you know Like I've experienced racism, you know, just for being half black and I choose Not to get offended like unless it really warrants it like I've had people because a lot of people don't realize I am and they've said some really nasty things about People of color around me and it really offends me and I Like as I'm growing like I'm still learning how to edit myself I think all I think and you can you know, I might be wrong, but I Like I haven't done it. Well, I haven't seen any of those videos. I haven't watched them. I've chosen not to But I believe all of those are from years ago All right Steph if you have anything asked I'm I'm sorry in front of this. Okay, so let me address this real quick, too So what I heard is that people are bringing up the fact that I don't answer questions unless you're a patreon Which is not true. I have over 800 videos on my channel And most of them are topics That you guys give me so I have over 800 channels on my 800 videos on my channel. Those are all free content Absolutely 100% free. Thanks Diana. I Will thank you. So I have over 800 Videos on my channel answering questions over 800 And I have a hundred thousand subscribers now like could you imagine if I just said hey, I'm gonna answer everybody's questions It's fiddly impossible. So You know As a as a youtuber as somebody who's trying to do this thing full-time, you know Which I have successfully patreon is one of the things and patreon I actually give access to the Q&A to Everybody so even if you're signed up for a dollar I do it for everybody and I try to balance out my my patreon by doing giveaways and things like that when I donated a hundred dollars to The Gosh, I can't remember at Taylor when she was doing that that we just did it I did my makeup and stuff like I use some of that the my earnings, right to do giveaways and donate to that That organization and I'm doing monthly charity live streams and So I I try to I try to give back more than I take and that's another reason why I make so much content So I can cover as many topics for all of everybody As I can one of the reasons I started my YouTube channel was because I knew that a lot of people Couldn't afford therapy. They couldn't afford therapy. They couldn't afford going to treatment and like I started my channel So I can provide free content to people But at the end of the day, you know, I have bills to pay and things like that So I'm like like I don't care about my like I don't care you guys. I lived in the hood for the last Five years like the last five years like Tristan and I moved into a new apartment in a safer neighborhood Like I'm not living large or anything and The other thing is too like when people say You know, oh, he's only doing this for money You have to be a patron to pay for stuff like I would challenge them to show me any other youtuber Any other youtuber who put who hosts and shouts out as many small creators as I do just this morning I had Jason from these four walls on my less than a thousand subscribers, right when I was gone in Los Angeles a couple weeks ago That entire time I had guest videos from smaller channels like if I was the terrible clout chasing Person that I was thanks GM I'll play the video coming soon Like if I was the terrible clout chasing trying to get views person that I am Why would I promote so many other channels? Like why would I like that's I like I'm honestly asking like if any of you can tell me like how How that can be Construed a selfish like I I made it a point that when my channel got big I wanted to give a platform to smaller creators because I know as a smaller creator It was so hard to grow on YouTube and because of the algorithm. I Had to do what I could do to grow but like K knows this bipolar pug because we've been talking about this forever Like she's known me since I had like a thousand subscribers Like basically hold her and our other friends like when I get bigger I'm gonna host all of you guys because I want everybody to know about more mental channels You know what I mean? So like that's what I'm doing I'm holding up to my my my promise that I made everybody I'm putting on a lot of mental health channels And if you go watch the video that I did over on psych IRL's channel I gave her an entire list an entire list to put her in the Or to put smaller channels in the description of all the ones I recommend and I put a bunch that I could remember when I sent her an email Yeah Jasmine so Jasmine asked okay, this is a good question Jasmine Why were you charging $100 for a course when you weren't licensed and now it's suddenly free? Please answer. I know others are curious about this. So I started YouTube backwards, right? I'm the type of person where I don't like working for other people and I always wanted to work Myself so I actually made that course before I even started my YouTube channel And it's something that I was teaching in a treatment center that costs $30,000 They paid me I was paid to teach that course So I put that up online and then I put it up there and I'm like seeing like I'm like, okay Nobody's signing up. So hmm, right? So I was like, okay. I need an audience first So I built up my YouTube channel and all that and then I just kind of focus on YouTube And I forgot about that that course and it's kind of answered in the video I mentioned where the course was free I totally forgot about that course because I never sell it a lot of people didn't even know about it Right. So I gave it away for free. Now. Why was I charging when I'm unlicensed? That's something that so many people do like if you're familiar with online courses Like I take a bunch of online courses, right? Like go to Skillshare. Have any of you used Skillshare? It's a bunch of Unlike like they're unlicensed professionals, right? They're professionals who have worked in it industry whether it's to geography or river and they're sharing their skill with somebody okay, like well that stuff that you could just learn for free. It's like not for free like I bought books and everything but I Was charging people for all of the knowledge that I've gained and the time I've spent Educating myself, right? So I even put up a screenshot In that video about how I've made zero dollars from that in the last year, right? I think it goes back even further. I just did the last year. So yeah, like it's very very very very common like it is extremely common and One like I don't know why people are so concerned about how other people make their money You know what I mean? Like that's just something I just never really seen, you know Like when people sell merch or they do that or whatever like I'm just Doing my thing. I hate when people ask you questions that you all have addressed in videos Yeah, Jude Mom and dad got a cover Luana's in here. Oh another super check I appreciate this for to everything via live. Oh, I'm gonna say something. So it feels more organic But at some point don't stop feet patrols. Yeah, Amber That's the one of the reasons I don't want to do this because it's just gonna give people more stuff But I like I said like this morning like one of the subscribers that's been with me forever like messaged me and I was like and I saw something in a Facebook group and that bugs me that bugs me like like I Can you know manage all this stuff, you know, I have my tools in place But for other people who are just like, oh my god is everything I learned and you never like At the end of the day You don't care if people love me or hate me like my goal is to help people right whether people want to say No, you're just trying to get views you're trying to get money. That's cool People are gonna say what they're gonna say But my goal is to help people and the fact that I get so many comments of people saying like oh Chris Thank you so much. I went to therapy because you know because you kept recommending it, you know or hey Chris I went to a 12-step meeting. I love the comments I get where people say like, you know, I'm 90 days sober Oh, hey Chris. I started meditating, you know all of these things like that's why I do it Those people who were affected like who had positive impacts on their lives like that's who this video is for You know what I mean? And other channels if they want to make stuff on it or whatever that's totally cool If you guys have any questions Go for it. I have about I don't know a little bit of time My flight got delayed. I don't think that for all the good you do. Hold on. This is Kyle Tbh, I don't think that for all the good you do for other people such as bipolar pug and the growth of not only hers But other channels as well as apps, etc. That is fair to have have to apologize pal. Yeah I don't really look at this as an apology like Like like I like I said, I admit my fault and the way I messaged them and that was just purely out of ignorance like I've only been on this platform for a year and it's something I talk about a lot of videos people having like mental breakdowns see that's But anyways, that's something I'm dealing with now. I'm learning. I'm growing and everything. That's why I have a therapist So Rachel Sarah, did you see talk on this criticism on your so that's another thing Jan like this is nothing against you Rachel nothing against you personally, but Jan just said it like Yes, I saw it. I left a comment on his video like that's like You know a lot of things that come out You know it's like because I've had people say why don't you answer Todd guande? I'm like I did You know just because you know and I get it. I get it trust me I totally empathize because I have so much stuff going on 800 videos like you can't You can't do that. Okay, so Hannah says better help as a scam. Okay, so let's address that I use better help. I have a licensed therapist I made a whole video about this the better help scam thing was a conspiracy now listen If anybody were to try to take better help to court, okay, let's say this like let's just get logical real quick if Better help wanted to sue People for calling them a scam Like they could and they would probably win because you can't just go around calling places a scam With no physical proof or no evidence. You know what I mean, so That's what bugs me. So here's the thing. I have a therapist through better help. Oh Look, look at that Megan Fitzpatrick like I don't get it Everybody neglects all of the people using better help and saying like what are you talking about right like I use better Help I have a better help therapist. My therapist is through better help and she's fully licensed It is on the Nevada State Board of Therapists her license her name matches up my girlfriend has a therapist who from better help if she meets with person So like you guys don't like you can't just because you feel something is a scam Doesn't mean that it's a scam right for example. I think high gas prices is a scam You know what I mean, there's nothing illegal about what? Gas companies are charging. You know what I like. It's just It's just so it's so whatever. There's my response about the the better help thing So, yeah, okay, so somebody else has a psychologist or who works for them Make the rest of the plane. So yeah, my phone is dying too Sammy Joe. Yes, better help is ethical That's why licensed therapies are on better help therapists are on better help because it's 2019 people shifting to online therapy. It's completely ethical So, yeah, and that's the other thing scam ethics Like a lot of people use the word scam fraud ethics and things like that without fully Understanding like what any of those things are and again thing like you One thing that we have stopped doing is just making up our own definite our our feeling or not definition of something like there are so many people Who don't understand the mental health industry at all at all, but they talk as though they're experts on it Hell, I'm not even an expert on it, but I worked in the field. I've worked in the field for the last three You know, believe people who have never worked in the field or not, right? Dollar In you for a while and I'm in recovery You're not a want to be therapist monster raises or one to do anything for views. Thank you, Jayden Yeah, and the last thing I'll say is the only reason I do anything for views is because I want to grow my channel I talked this about my therapist Not about my therapist to my therapist yesterday and I was explaining to her why I started my channel Why I want to grow why I want to do this all these other things like why I want to do this, right? It's to reach as many people as possible. So yeah, I want subscribers Yes, I want views because I want to help as many people as possible I'm making a video soon about how YouTube screws over mental health channels and that video is coming very very very soon Because YouTube absolutely Smaller mental health channels are making videos about me because they're finally getting some exposure You know what I mean? Like I did what I had to do to get my message out there Um Roberto Blake. Oh, hey Roberto. I got into the calm app because of your video would love more views on apps like that If you need even one person if you help even one person, which nobody brings up That should mean something Tony Robbins didn't get certified by he saved my life. Yeah, thank you Roberto Thank you for that. And yeah, I plan on doing like with this shift in content By the way, the last thing I'm gonna address to I can say the last thing I'm gonna address My phone's gonna die any minute now. I'm still making videos about youtubers. Okay, you hear that? I'm still making videos about youtubers I said in my view my rule of thumb is is if the drama channels are covering it Then I am not touching it. Okay, unless there is a very very good reason. Okay So so yeah, and yeah at the end of the day, I'm here to help people I am gonna be okay because I know I have helped people And that's the end of the day, right? That's that's all that matters at the end of the day I don't want to watch 20 minutes bitch popping about talking crap about you. Why the drama explain, please Diana Diana that's a long video Diana my my buddy Ryan from Crimson Studios is releasing a video this weekend He'll be talking a lot about it, but just a quick rundown Little TLVR for you People say I'm not licensed. I shouldn't be talking about mental health People talk about you know DMs that I sent to others having conversations with them trying to spark a conversation Trying to get them. Yes, trying to get them to make videos about serious subject about her lashing out on me and saying things about addicts and all that and Yeah, I probably went about that the wrong way, you know, and it's that's just really deep But I'm learning and growing too like something I'm learning here And I'm not here to fault the other channels or creator like I could be really careful about who I talked to You know, I I was very Optimistic and ignorant right like just like oh everybody in the YouTube community is all friendly and buddy And you know what I mean and like I was an idiot, you know like Oh Really, I'm sorry my phone but It's kind of like one of those movies, you know We're like somebody's like been like kind of time capsule forever and they come out and they just like are super optimistic and think everybody's like Friendly and nice and like they think everybody has the best intentions. Like that's kind of how I was like I was telling Tristan last night. I was like, what would I say? What would I say to somebody who's going through my exact situation, and you know what I would tell a really surprised You know what I mean? Like that's just the way it is. It I will say this it bumps me out because I've always prided myself Hey, Roberta I've always pride myself in talking with my audience and being very connected and Talking in DMs talking in emails and everything like that But now I have to be a lot more careful I have to be so so so much more careful about that Like because I never know what somebody's going to take in a certain way or whatever. So I have to be careful about Talking to people in DMs like all of you included and it sucks. It's it really sucks you know what I mean because Like I said, like I understand what people are saying about, you know, the the DMs I sent out but like That's not what I intended, but they're taking it in a different way and I'm like, oh, okay So I might just have to stick to phone calls and whatever and even that can be recorded. It's just like So cleansed and I think all of you for some reason I'm not seeing your chats anymore. Hopefully I'm still on the online but anyways like I Already stole the drama channels with the oh Thanks, Diana. I blocked all so Tristan I blocked all the drama channels so we can't even see them on our feed and Like all that's left on our YouTube is like fun stuff and funny things and it's just like it's nice And it's gonna make my content a lot better Just focusing on more positive things and again, I'm still gonna make videos on youtubers like doctor Dr. Mike made an amazing video yesterday about ketamine for depression and I've been meaning to make a video about that for a long time So I still am going to talk about youtubers GM. Make sure everybody knows that it's just I'm not gonna talk about the same YouTubers that drama channels talk about Just so I can stay out of that community. So I'm still here I'm still here to help everybody like anybody like I hope this answered all of your questions My phone's about to die and people are saying my internet's cutting out But yeah, I love all of you. I'm not seeing your messages anymore. So let me try to move to another area. I Love all of you. I appreciate all of you And I'm trying to read your messages because they're just popping up sporadically. I'm at the airport in Dallas So anyways, I'm going to play let no, I'm at the airport. I'm going to playlist live about to head out to Orlando All right, but yeah, anyways, this is the last time I'm gonna be talking about all this stuff And I hope I answered everybody's questions I love you all I will try to fly safe and go watch the video that Jason did on my channel And I'm still gonna keep trying to promote small creators and I'm gonna keep doing charity live streams I'm gonna keep trying to help more people, you know I'm not going anywhere. Well, I'm going somewhere right now, but I'm not going anywhere anywhere, you know I thank you all again for your love and support and everything like that and sticking by and I'll talk to you guys