 The Jack Benny program quality of product is essential to continuing success and lucky strike means fine tobacco Yes lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw LSMFT LSMFT LSMFT yes, sir you said it in a cigarette. It's the tobacco that counts and lucky strike means fine tobacco Year after year today tomorrow always lucky strike means fine tobacco year after year at auction after auction Independent tobacco experts auctioneers buyers and warehousemen can see the makers of lucky strike consistently selected by that fine that light That naturally mild tobacco this fine lucky strike tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you So smoke that smoke a fine tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw Just sit there Benny and keep your trap shut yeah one false move a little sluggish but fellas, please untie me my program is on I should be there. I'll lose my job if I miss my first broadcast. You're gonna miss them all Benny what you ain't gonna drive us nuts anymore for 15 years. We've been listening to that hello again This is Jack Benny talking. Well, we've had enough of it. See yeah, let's bump them off. No, no, please. Please don't kill me I don't want to die spare my life. I'll make it worth your while. I'll give you each $10 Please fellas don't don't kill me go ahead Joe let him have it wait a minute We ain't had no fun. Let's torture him face. Okay. I'll burn him with my cigarette No, no, no, no, don't burn me. Don't burn me. Don't what kind of a cigarette a lucky strike. Okay, burn me Burn me where it'll show What strikes are made of the light that night that fine that naturally my life let go my tongue What's the matter with you guys anyway? All right, Joe? We've stalled long enough lift them out of the chair and lay them on a table Okay, but I want to do a neat job on this guy. Hand me my rubber gloves here I'll make it $11. I mean ready ready knife knife axe axe poison poison rope rope knife knife You've got that already. Thanks. Thanks, please Come on bullet bullet atomic bomb atomic bomb give it to them a nightmare. I just had I was with two fellas two of them What a horrible dream did you get stuck with the jet again? Nothing like that. I dreamt I was held captive by a couple of thugs We're gonna keep you from going back on the air. It was terrible. It must have been boss. You look pale Say, let me see your tongue Fingerprints That's funny. There shouldn't be you wore rubber gloves Nothing nothing you weren't there dog gone boss. That sure must have been a realistic dream Look how you flashed around in the bed. Yeah, you even pulled an arm off your teddy bear Darn it. I've had it ever since I was 30 What a nightmare seems like I always dream like that before an opening broadcast Well, I better start getting dressed Rochester I told you to shorten my nightgown Why didn't you I was gonna boss, but I hate to cut those rose buds off the bottom Well get the car Rochester and as soon as I get dressed we'll go to the studio. Yes, sir Drive carefully Rochester. I'm nervous You know how it is before an opening broadcast. What are you worried about boss? You've been on the radio 15 years. Well, they found out by now They ain't never gonna find out I guess now but take it easy anyway. I don't want to have Rochester when you come to an intersection blow your horn can't the rubber ball is broken Well, then put it in your mouth and blow it Anyway, here we are at NBC Want to come in and watch the show Rochester no thanks boss. I'll sit here and listen to it on the radio Okay, the earphones are in the glove compartment Here's the key Good luck boss. Thanks Take back your samba. Hi your rumba. Hi your conga. Hi. Yeah Take back. Yes, I beg your pardon. Yes. May I have your autograph, please my autograph certainly Would you mind signing it in this pail of water? I want to try out my new pants Just a minute. I'll pull up my sleeve There you are. Thank you. You're welcome Hey back your rumba. Hi your samba. Hi. Yeah, see those pens are becoming popular Maybe ought to do some jokes about them on my program Now the public isn't ready for it yet Hey back your samba. Hi your rumba. Hi your conga. Hi. Hi you don. Hello, Jack. Well We'll be on the air in a few minutes. Yes, sir. How does it feel getting back in the groove again, Jack? I'll tell you the truth, Don. I'm a little excited. I mean I feel good, but I'm I don't know I got a nervous stomach. I know just how you feel Jack. I got a nervous stomach too. Well, you're just about 30 inches more nervous than I am But you'll be all right Sit down if you got everything all set for your part of the program, you know just the way you want it I sure have Jack and I took the liberty of hiring a quartet to work with me during the commercials a Quartet for the commercial. Oh, I knew you like it. So I'll tell you what I did Jack I put them under contract for eight weeks and it will cost you only five hundred dollars a week. Isn't that wonderful? Well, yes, I mean yes, but Don that quartet must be sensational for that kind of money Oh, they are Jack. This will start a new style in radio talking commercials with a big vocal background You'll be crazy about it. I know but five hundred dollars a week for eight weeks Well, it's as good as you say Donna might be worth it. How much time we got before we go on the air? Well, about five minutes. I'll have the orchestra warm up. I'll be right up. Okay Take back your samba. Hi, your rumba. Hi, your conga $500 for a quartet. Hi Can't keep moving. Hi my chassis. Hi any longer Chester Dennis Day and yours for ladies and gentlemen It has been said that Jack Benny has made more people laugh than any other comedian who ever lived And now we bring you the man who said it Jack well again. This is Jack Benny talking and Don for our first show That was a very nice introduction But I I wish you wouldn't make people think that I'm conceited enough to say that I made more people laugh than any other Comedian, I mean it's true, but I didn't say Well done here I am starting my 50th my 15 And Don just think for 13 of those years you've been with me I know Jack and I'll always be grateful Well, why when I started out with you 13 years ago I was just a little nobody and look at me today a big fat slob Don't thank me Don. I'd have done the same for anybody And down the nice part of our association is that it's always been so pleasant and happy I mean, I don't I like just being around you especially when you laugh You know, I haven't heard you laugh for 17 weeks. Go ahead, Don Oh, no, no, Jack, you're embarrassing Come on, Don. Come on, lad Come on Look, come on. Don't laugh the board. Come on, Don No, Don, hard. Real hardness Harder, Don. Harder Now to you people sitting in the audience If you ever want to get in here again, that's what I mean And Don, I know it's a little early in the show But I want to hear this idea you have for the commercial You know, after all of $500, are the boys ready? Oh, yes, they're still rehearsing, but they'll be here in just a few minutes Good, good. I can... Oh, well, hello, Mary Hello, Jack. Hello, Don Mary, I haven't seen you in four months Let me look at you See, you look swell. You look wonderful Different What have you done to yourself? Well, Jack, this summer I really took it easy and I gained 12 pounds 12 pounds. Let me look at you again Mmm... Yes, sir Mmm... And your face looks fuller, too Let me see if I can still get my arm around Oh, Jack, don't be so silly Now come here, Mary, come here, Jack, he's got you now Oh, Jack, stop it Ooh, you're so strong Come here, come here, give me a kiss Jack, you're hurting me Where'd you get those muscles? Eastern Columbia, Broadway at night Well, department store, come here, Mary What a kiss What's come over you? I don't know, I'm nervous. Maybe it's the quiver you like Tell me, what did you do all summer? Well, I worked most of the time I got laryngitis and made a lot of money You got laryngitis and made a lot of... What did you do? I tiptoed into radio studios and whispered Martha Ivers Oh, is that you? Mary, you glad to be back on the program again? I sure am I must admit I'm a little nervous about the opening show Jack, if you think you're nervous, what about Phil Harris? He has two opening shows today Well, as a rule, I'm not... What? What did you say? Phil has two opening shows, yours and the Fitch bandwagon He has his own program Phil has his own program? Gee, I didn't know that Hmm, that's gratitude for you The least he could have done is let me know Could have dropped me a postcard I called you up I called you during the summer Hmm, his own program Phil! What in the world can Phil do for a full half hour? I don't know, but if he adds two more choruses that's what I like about the south, he's in I can't get over it So Phil has his own program Do you mind? Of course not, I like to see people get ahead I want everyone to be a success In fact, I'd even like to see Dennis Day get his own show He has Mary, did I hear you correctly? If that thing in your ear is connected, you did Mary, this is... Mary, this is no time to be funny You're kidding about Dennis, aren't you? He always starts his own program Thursday night for Colgate You're not mad, are you? Of course I'm not mad To be in fine shape, I let little things like that bother me What do you think Keith be looking so young and strong? Eastern Columbia, Broadway at night Besides that Anyway, with me it's just a matter of principle That's all If Phil and Dennis feel that they can go on their own shows and get lapsed It's alright with me I don't care Perhaps the little chicks feel that the nest that I built is too small But they no longer need the sheltering wing of the mother hand If you lay an egg, I'm going to punch you right in the nose Mary, I was just being... Jack, Jack, we can do the commercial now The quartet's ready Mary, I want you to hear this This is the new commercial Don thought of with a quartet behind it I got him tied up for eight weeks and $500 a week Go ahead, Don, let's hear it Okay, ready boys? Let's go LS, MFT, LS, MFT Yes, sir, you bet Lucky strike means fine tobacco Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco Yes, ladies and gentlemen Lucky strike means fine tobacco And lucky strike means fine tobacco So round, so firm, so fully packed So free and easy on the draw Naturally mild tobacco So for real, deep down smoking enjoyment Smoke that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky strike For this I'm paying $500 Yes, ladies and gentlemen Quality of product is essential to continuing success And lucky strike means fine tobacco Mmmmmm Wait a minute Wait a minute Don, is that all? Yes For that I'm paying $500 A week for eight weeks Stand aside, Don I want to talk to this quartet Listen fellas, if you think I'm going to pay you $500 a week Just for that, you're crazy Mmmmmm Now cut that out Hiya Jackson, hello folks Don't feel low, you'll soon hear Harris On his very own show and how Phil Phil, Mary told me all about it And I'd like to have a little talk with you About your own show Sorry Jack, I ain't using no stooges I don't want to talk to you about that Yet I only want to know one thing You've been with me for nine years Why did you go out and take another show? M-O-N-E-Y So that's why Well that's the trouble Phil, all you think about is money Women and money Well I don't know of a better parlor Do you, bub? I knew I didn't have that nightmare for nothing Hello Donzie Hiya Livy Did you go away for the summer, Phil? Yeah, I sure did, Livy We were there just the two of us And we really had a wonderful time Just the two of you, who'd you go with? You and Ray Malan? Yeah, we lost all of July and part of August Of all the good you're going to do me You're going to have lost September and October, too Now, now, Mr. Benny Please don't be facetious No, Phil, where'd you get a word like that? My uncle died and left it to me Oh, congratulations But you know Jackson is mighty good to see the old gang again And I can't begin to say Who are these four guys? I told you to get out of here! Fortet, $500 Eight weeks yet Where's Dennis? It's time for a song he's not here yet Well, I saw him this morning He was going to rehearse for his own program His own program, his own program What should I do with my program? No coaching from the audience Well, I'm going to call Dennis's house And find out why he's not here Operator, operator Oh, Mabel, what is it, Gatesfield? It must be Mr. Benny Oh, yeah, I wonder what notorious wants now I'll find out Yes, Mr. Benny Who? Dennis Day, I'll try and get him for you Team Mabel Don't it feel strange getting back to work after a vacation? I'll say, but I really enjoyed myself I spent two lovely weeks at Lake Winnipeg, Hakamuka and The Pine It sure was invigorating Where did you go, Gatesfield? I spent my two weeks in the mountains at Ginsburg's rest I spent two weeks in the mountains at Ginsburg's rest And what did you do? Ginsburg let me alone so I rested I had a wonderful time Every day I went swimming Look, here's a picture of me in my bathing suit Oh, boy, what a picture It doesn't even look like you Where'd you get those beautiful coupes? Easter in Columbia, Broadway at 9 Operator, operator Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Benny Dennis Day does not answer How do you like that? The fine program You think at least everybody in my cast would show up on time? Who's late, Mr. Benny? Dennis Day should have been here an hour ago Why don't you call him? I did, I just tried Dennis, where have you been? Dennis, I just tried to get you on the phone to find out that why you... Hey, wait a minute, kid You're soaking wet Is it raining hot? You're not on your own show yet You're nervous on your own show Listen, Dennis There's something I want to talk to you about Why did you go out and get your own program without consulting me? Well And after all I've done for you I found you when you were just a kid I groomed you for radio I gave you your big chance I let you sing on the air every Sunday I've been doing this for your kid for eight years Now why did you go out and take another show? I was hungry Silly boy, why didn't you tell me you were hungry? Yeah, mother hen Benny could have laid you a couple of eggs Mary, this is no time to be facetious Now, Dennis Phil, stop taking bows I knew that word before you did You knew it before Webster did Yes, yes, all right Now, Dennis, I want to tell you something And Phil, this goes for you too If you want it If necessary, I'll get myself a new cast People who can get laughs Like the mad Russian I said somebody I said it Listen, I'm going to get it Look, I'm going to get it That's why you can't express yourself Oh, what's the use? What's the use? This is a fine how do you do How do you do? Yes, I do I'm going home I'll drive you home Dennis picked for his first show To each his own show It's a fine season I'm going to have Phil's got his own show, Dennis has his own show I don't know why they had to go out and get their own programs anyway Well, Jack, what are you some mad at them for? Don, Wilton has four shows And you're not mad at him He pays me commission Rochester, leave Miss Livingston off first And then take me home Jack, stop being so nervous and upset Why wouldn't I be upset? Nobody thinks of me Phil has his own show Dennis has his own show My writers are still stranded on the gambling ship Stuck with a lousy quartet This can go on week after week Month after month, year after year That's radio for you Enough to drive a guy crazy Well then, why don't you quit? Well, not Make no mistake In a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts And lucky strike means Fine tobacco Mr. Charles Jackson Gunter of Mount Airy, North Carolina Who has been an independent tobacco buyer For 53 years said Season after season, I've seen the makers Of lucky strike buy tobacco That's really tops in smoking quality Fine, ripe, smooth Smokin' tobacco that pays off Extra smoking enjoyment I've smoked luckies myself for 29 years Independent tobacco experts like Mr. Gunter Know that it takes fine tobacco To make a fine smoke Yes, in a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts And lucky strike means Fine tobacco Lucky strike means fine tobacco And fine tobacco means Real deep down smoking enjoyment for you So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky strike LSMFT LSMFT Yes, lucky strike means So round, so firm, so fully packed So free and easy on the draw The famous tobacco auctioneers for Mr. L.A. Speed Rigs of North Carolina And Mr. Effie Boone of Lexington, Kentucky Speaking for lucky strike The cigarette that means Fine tobacco I think I'll go out No, no, she said she was going to bed early Well, I'll call up and get a date No broadcasting company No, this is Gay Truth Let me talk to Mabel This is NBC, the national broadcasting K-F-I, Los Angeles, Earl C. Anthony, Incorporated