 Palm olive soap your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous Corressible hair bring you our miss Brooks starring Eve Arden Who teaches English at Madison High School is as conscientious about her work as any other teacher But she's come to realize lately that there are things outside of the classroom, which also demand her attention There are two things which I feel I must do to keep abreast of the times First I read all the latest figures on the cost of living and secondly I never miss little Abner It's not that I approve of little Abner's grammar, but with my salary as a school teacher I have to know what's going on in dogpatch, so I won't seem like a Yoko when I move there Against this day Mrs. Davis my landlady started last week to pack me a lunch so that I could save the money I'd spend in the school cafeteria Although she's come up with some pretty weird recipes the first sandwiches she constructed for me were made out of Loganberry jelly and cucumbers I was still grateful that I didn't have to eat the miserable food. They've been serving in the cafeteria lately Anyway last Friday when the bell for lunch period rang I realized I'd forgotten to bring my lunch from home So I picked up my purse and a fifth of bicarbonate But before I reached the door of my room it opened and our principal mr. Osgood Conklin came in Good morning, Miss Brooks on our way to lunch. We're we we oh you mean my purse and me. Yes, sir We were going to live dangerously again That's what I dropped in to talk to you about miss Brooks those kind of remarks about the cafeteria have got to stop Oh, I realized that the food they serve isn't as good as the Waldorf Astoria or the Ritz hotel or a Pete's pig's die But you must remember miss Brooks that our cafeteria is operated at a very low margin of profit now I've just had some very disturbing news from mrs. Dixon the school dietitian. What happened. Did you eat there? This is no laughing matter sales have fallen way off and although the Board of Education doesn't hold me directly responsible for the operation The cafeteria is part of Madison and I am Madison ruler a principal Well, what do you want me to do your highness a mr. Conklin? I Want you to find out the temper of the student body You have the confidence of most of the pupils here miss Brooks, and I must admit their attitude has me a little worried I dropped into the cafeteria yesterday, and I could swear I heard rumbling that before or after lunch Very amusing albeit extremely ill time I'm counting on your cooperation. Will you carry the ball for me? Yes, mr. Conklin I'll carry the ball provided I can have someone to run interference. You know help me out someone like who for instance someone like whom Don't show off Who do you want to help you well? I thought maybe mr. Boyden would be good the students in his biology class are very fond of him They're not the only ones why mr. Conklin you've been muscling into my subconscious That is I usually have lunch with mr. Boyden and well together we very well draft him But impress upon him the necessity for discretion May all be just a tempest in a teapot and remember I want as little publicity in this affair as possible Yes, mr. Conklin. I understand good as you were Let's see now, how was I oh Yes on my way to come in It's me Connie you forgot your lunchbox this morning, so I brought it down for you. Oh, that was very sweet of you Mrs. Davis, what's in it? What would you like to be in it? Well, frankly, I've gained so much weight since I stopped eating in the Cafeteria I'd like to find a thin sandwich in it a thin sandwich. What's that? That's a Chiron reducing tablet between two slices of rye crisp That's one I heard on chef Milani's program Oh You don't have to worry about your figure Connie Although I do think it was a good idea mine to start giving you lunch so you can save enough to pay me the rent money Oh, I'll get that straightened out as soon as possible. Mrs. Davis now I have to go now I don't want you to worry about it Connie as the old saying goes there's no sense in both of us worry That's what I heard on Porsche faces lie Do you know something Connie what mrs. Davis my brother Victor once saved so much money by eliminating lunches that he could afford to spend two weeks at the Mayo Brothers clinic Mayo Brothers clinic, what was he suffering from? male nutrition I Teacher shouldn't say suffering from I'm sorry. I'd better be getting over my sister Angela once eliminated both breakfast and lunch for three months She had to cut it out though. Why her dinners were costing her a fortune Well, I'll be running along Connie you can tell me how you enjoyed the little surprise I made for you when you come home this afternoon if I come home this afternoon I'll walk out with you Mrs. Davis. I've got to go back to the cafeteria And see how things are going Well, goodbye dear and thanks for bringing the lunchbox. You're welcome Connie. Oh dear. That's the use I can't keep it a secret another minute Yes, what kind of a sandwich I made for you Parsley and banana On what kind of bread Gluten I hope you enjoy it Don't be scared. It's only me stretch snot grass Well, why is Madison Star athlete lurking outside of the cafeteria? I ain't lurking. I'm not lurking. I didn't say you was We're what what we're what? You confuse me sometimes miss Brooks me too. What did you want to tell me just that when you go into the cafeteria? You shouldn't buy anything the student body is gonna boycott the place. There's a meeting right now with a board of stretch Strategy Oh, well who who's on it? Walter Denton and Harriet Conklin mostly mostly huh? Well Harriet's father will mostly take care of her if he finds out about this Where are they meeting in the room where they print the school paper? You know the Madison monitor? I know the name of the paper stretch. I made it up. Oh, yeah, it's a very good name miss Brooks Madison monitor What I like about it it rhymes With what what I don't know with what just rhymes Madison monitor see what I mean if I did we'd both be in trouble Pardon me, but is this the office of strategic services? Close the door Harriet You see miss Brooks. This is a secret meeting about the food in the cafeteria But we don't want the faculty to get wind of it. Well, how can they help it on a clear day? You can smell it in Catalina Mr. Dunbar he used to teach here at Madison. How do you do miss Brooks? Hello, mr. Dunbar. I just stopped by to see mr. Conklin But he wasn't in his office So I dropped over to one of my favorite old haunts when I taught here the newspaper room Oh, did you used to haunt the newspaper room? I mean were you connected with the school paper? Oh, yes, indeed I was faculty advisor. That's what miss Brooks is now. Oh Well, I don't want to disturb you go right ahead with your meeting I'll just look through some of these old copies of the monitor. Okay, mr. Dunbar now then miss Brooks did anyone see you come in here? I know Walter. Are you positive? No, I'm not positive. I'd known this was a secret meeting. I'd have tunneled my way in I guess we've got to take a chance. You see miss Brooks We're going to circulate a petition among the students asking them to boycott the cafeteria boycott it But Harriet, what are your father's say? I've talked to daddy miss Brooks and he says there's nothing he can do I deplore the embarrassment this may cause him but as student body president my first duty is to my constituent here here I did I did We've just finished the preamble to the resolutions in the petition you want to hear it. I'll read it to you Whereas and to wit that's pretty strong language isn't it? You on the pink side When in the course of students events it becomes necessary to turn one's back on one stomach We the undersigned exercising our Constitutional right peaceably to assemble and to form a committee to seek redress of grievances do hereby announce our firm Intention of patronizing the Madison High School cafeteria only to use the tables chairs water napkins and Toothpicks provided therein until such time as the duly appointed party or parties namely mr. Osgood Conklin principle or the Board of Education Responsible for the operational bog down Do take such action which will improve the food lower the prices and better the service in said cafeteria It is also recommended We're persons in whom this authority is vested do immediately proceed to the present chef in charge of preparing the food and without further Frippery or a fanfare shot him the heck off the premises Well, what do you think of it, huh? How much are you asking for the picture rights? And look over here. We just painted these placards that's in case the students vote to pick it pick it Oh now wait a minute. This is getting a sign here, mr. Brooks. Let's see Remember Tomane Here's another one don't worry about your old age eat here, and you'll never make it It goes remember the saying whatever goes up must come down. Well in our cafeteria, whatever Some other way we can get conditions improved What you kids are suggesting is practically mutiny now I know the food isn't very good in the cafeteria, but just not very good miss Brooks. Well pretty bad then just pretty bad Miss Brooks well brutal She's on our side here miss Brooks take this sign. We're making you an honorary picket But I don't want to be a picket. Don't you see we've got to avoid all publicity or mr. Conklin late now You're in this thing as deep as we are. I'm in this thing as deeply as you are This has certainly been an interesting little caucus, but I'm afraid I'll have to be running along now I don't match you miss Brooks. Oh, thank you. Mr. Dunbar. Goodbye. Mr. Dunbar so long. Goodbye kids Very nice fellow. Yeah, he used to teach English to of course now He's the editor of the evening Gazette one of the biggest papers in the county He's been investigating conditions in the schools in this area. Oh, well, that's certainly a commendable sort of Investigating conditions, but he just heard me say the food here was brutal So so I want you to be sure and watch for my picture in the Gazette I think it'll be on the front page. No in Little Abner. There's going to be a new school mom in dogpatch Starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith Ladies, what's your complexion problem? My skin so dingy. Mine's oily. 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Boyden and report back to mr. Compton then I hurry down to the biology laboratory Come in Excuse me, mr. Boyden, but I've got to talk to you about something Could you come to the cafeteria with me right away, but I haven't been eating lunch in the cafeteria miss Brooks I bring my lunch. Oh, I do too See I've got my lunchbox with me But I thought we'd go to the cafeteria for some coffee and I could tell you I got a thermos full of coffee And it's so much cozier than the cafeteria. Won't you have lunch here miss Brooks with me? Well, mr. Conflin I tried I suppose I could tell you what's on my mind after lunch. Oh good Sit right down at that table over there. Just push those jars to one side. All right, mr. Boyden Ah, what's the matter one of these jars. Just smiled at me Oh, don't be alarmed miss Brooks a friend of mine sent those to me from Africa. They're shrunken heads But they're here for lunch they can have mine I Just be a minute miss Brooks. I'm feeding my pet frog McDougal. You remember miss Brooks Mac I always feed Mac before I eat myself just like the cowboy stars doing those Western movies They always feed their horses first. Oh good for you partner Of course, I've never owned a horse But old Mac here is as close to me as any pet I've ever had yes I know why don't we throw a saddle on him and go for a ride after school? Look, mr. Boyden, maybe I shouldn't wait any longer to tell you what I discussed with mr. Conflin Please miss Brooks not while Mac's eating This is a festive occasion. Let's not talk about anything serious. I Heard a brand-new joke the other day. Would you like to hear it? I might as well It's sort of a riddle it goes why can't a woman swallow her apron? I don't know mr. Boyden Why can't a woman swallow her apron because it goes against her stomach? Fred Myers the math teacher told me that when he's a hot sketch anyway, don't you think? Yeah, he's funnier than trigonometry That new French teacher mr. LeBlanc has a good sense of humor too as a matter of fact He's supposed to have lunch with me today. He said he'd prepare something typically French at home and bring it into the lab What do you think you'll prepare mr. Boyden frogs leg? She didn't mean it and nobody's gonna touch you while I'm around. Oh, he's pretty sensitive miss Brooks. I'm sorry Mac I lost my head There's LeBlanc now I'm sorry. I have to kick on your door mr. Boyden, but as you can see my arms are full. Hello, mr. LeBlanc Mademoiselle books I'm doubly sorry my arms are full. Well, thank you, mr. LeBlanc and I'll meet you in the cat bar later Just put that casserole on this table here by those jars. Oh very well What is the board of education? Yes, African branch What's in the casserole, monsieur? Oh, it's a it's a famous French recipe miss Brooks. It's called Deveant delicious as she a model a avec delicatessen sphere the form grass yours Which means meatballs I Assure you they are better than the food served in our cafeteria Oh, that reminds me the kids have gotten up a petition to boycott the place good for them Oh, it may be good for them, but it won't be so good for me unless I can do something to stop it You see I promise mr. Conflict. Please miss Brooks. Let us not talk shop Well, mr. Boyden everything is ready, but the sauce this I must simmer for a few more minutes May I use your Bunsen burner? Oh, of course. I'll turn it up for you I'm not very hungry, but I just bought boil a small egg in a test tube But was a books just hold this dish right here So now now soon we will have the finest eating in the whole world and while we're waiting I tell you a story Yes, fine. Well, this is a very old story that was handed down from the time of Napoleon Bonaparte and the Empress Eugenie Please stop me if you've heard it miss Brooks. I doubt it Eugenie and I weren't very chummy Yes, well once upon a time There was an emissary from the court of England But he was not an emissary he was a spy and he had a message to another spy Talked beneath his belt and a message in code of gold go on well when this spy got to Paris He was apprehended by the surtees, you know the police And so he took the message from beneath his belt and thought to swallow it, but he could not book why why? Because it went against his stomach. I don't get it You say he had the message tucked under never mind mr. Boynton. He can explain it later Could I stop holding this dish over the Bunsen burner now my nails are melting? But of course here. Let me smell it Delicious. Yes, it just needs one thing. Let me see Mr. Boynton. Yes, do you think we could persuade monsieur McDougal to stroll through the sauce? He's only kidding Magnum. I'll take it easy There's some plates on that shelf over your head miss Brooks, would you hand me a few of them, please? All right, mr. Boynton, but I'm afraid I won't be able to join you right now I'm too nervous about mr. Conflin if he caught us eating here instead of the cafeteria Well, you please stop worrying about mr. Conflin miss Brooks I assure you the only reason he goes to the cafeteria is for appearance's sake He's probably got a nice homemade lunch hidden in the safe in his office in the safe. Oh, don't exaggerate mr. Boynton. Oh, let's forget about mr. Conflin and enjoy our lunch together Huh, just the three of us like the three musketeers. No, I make a toast all for one and one for all All for one and one for all all for one and one for wait a minute. We're drinking formaldehyde Three to the right Left two more to the right Yeah, now for a nice chicken sandwich just the way I like plenty of letters Mr. Conflin, I'm Martin Dunbar. I used to teach for you a few years back. Remember me Dunbar. Oh, yes Yes, of course you taught Latin didn't you? Well, you're close English Of course well always glad to see any of my old teachers drop in anytime. I did I dropped in today Well, I'm rather busy right now. So if you could see the same old evasive Osgood. What now see here young man By what license do you call me by my first name the same old pompous Osgood pompous? Why you who do you take and the same blood pressure too, huh? Look as good as editor of the evening cassette It's my duty to expose certain things to public view not all things mind you But just those things that have a rather unpleasant odor now you leave our cafeteria out of it I mean, I didn't mention your cafeteria as good But now that you did I think you ought to know at least as much as I do Namely the students here are talking about a boycott. What students probably just a handful of irresponsible Scatterbrain trouble-making old huh one of the pupils who told me about it was named Harriet Conklin Just the type I had in mind nothing but a scatter Harry Yes, that's right. I was good your own daughter and it isn't just the students that are rebelling either I heard one of your teachers refer to the food here as brutal a teacher said that uh-huh Now that'll make a nice juicy headline to faculty member sling smart at cafeteria hash Or Madison English teacher vilifies vitals did you say English teacher? I did miss Brooks is the name She's in this thing as deep as any of them as deeply editor I told her Look now there must be some way we can straighten this thing out. I'll tell you what done by all boy. Yes kiddo Meet me in the cafeteria in five minutes. We will we'll have lunch together. I Was on my way down there when you came in. Oh, all right, but where are you going now? I'm going to find miss Brooks and make her eat her words Or worse. I'll make her eat in the cafeteria I'll see you in a little while done Bob. Oh, mr. Conklin before you go. Yes, you'd better slam that safe again Your letters is showing Well, that is the end of the story But if he had the message under his belt, Mr. Boyden, why don't you get another meatball under your belt and forget the story? Ha ha just as I thought. Oh, hello, mr. Conklin. Hello, mr. Conklin. Hello, mr. Conklin. Don't hello me you you culprits Keske say culprits. Mr. Conklin will Keske tell you in a minute Miss Brooks, I entrusted you with a mission a simple mission that a child could perform and you failed me instead of bringing me news of this Insurrection you joined it. Oh, but mr. Conklin. I had no time for apologies now I want you to run down to the nearest good restaurant and buy the best lunch that you can and smuggle it into the cafeteria I What's that I smell? Oh, it's from this dish here. See that's a wonderful aroma. No, but of course because it's my own recipe Deveillon delicios aché à des modélés avec delicatesses. On s'faire de forme gracieuse Meatballs, huh? Are they really good? Oh, yes, sir. They're wonderful. Well, let's save somebody a trip bring the whole plate up to the cafeteria immediately You are acquainted with mr. Dunbar presumed Dunbar. Yes, we've met don't sound so innocent According to him you shot your mouth off like it was the 4th of july I'll get that food into the cafeteria immediately for mr. Conklin immediately I must say that was the best food I've ever had in or out of a school cafeteria Well, I wish you'd repeat that statement Dunbar. I see my daughter Harriet and her idiot consort approaching. Oh, hello kids Hello, mr. Dunbar. Hello, mr. Conklin. Why mr. Dunbar, you've cleaned your plate Of course he has the food was wonderful. Wasn't it mr. Dunbar? It certainly was all that means we can call off the boycott What did you do daddy fire the shelf better than that my dear look behind the steam table An order of meatballs, please Tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo Only luster cream brings you k-dumas magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin Gives loveliness lather even in hardest water Blamarizes your hair as you wash it Luster cream not a soap not a liquid, but a dainty cream shampoo leaves hair Fragrantly clean free of loose dandruff listening with sheen Soft manageable gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanence Four ounce jar one dollar smaller sizes either tubes or jars tonight try luster cream shampoo and be a dream girl Dream girl beautiful luster cream girl You owe your crowning glory to A luster cream shampoo And now ladies and gentlemen we would like to bring to our microphone the western editor of radio mirror magazine miss ann daggett Thank you, mr. Lamon And as you know the current issue of radio mirror magazine is now announcing the results of its annual awards Based on a poll of radio listeners all over the country It is my pleasant duty to present this scroll on behalf of those listeners who have elected as radio's top Ranking comedian miss eve arden Thank you miss daggett and my sincere thanks also to you listeners who made this award possible I'd like to say at this time that i'm certainly going to try in the coming months to merit the honor You've bestowed upon me because I understand that if I win this scroll two years in a row I get to keep mr. Boynton Next week turn into another hour miss brook show brought to you by plan only soap your beauty hope and luster cream Shampoo for soft glamorous caressible hair our miss brooks starring eve arden is produced by larry burns written and directed by al Lewis with music by wilber hatch mr. Boynton is played by jeff chandler mr. Conklin by gale gordon Others in tonight's cast were jane morgan dick crana gloria mcmillan lennard smith gerald moore and bill conrath Men do you shave with a lather or brushless shave cream? Palm olive shaving cream comes both ways and whichever way you prefer to shave You will find that using either palm olive brushless or palm olive lather shaving cream Can bring you more comfortable actually smoother shaves. Here's the proof 2548 men tried the new palm olive way to shave described on the tube And no matter how they had shaved before Three out of every four got more comfortable actually smoother shaves Yet palm olive brushless or palm olive lather shaving cream today Or mystery liberally sprinkled with laps listen to mr. And mrs. North the exciting fun packed adventures of an amateur detective And his beautiful wife tune in Tuesday evenings over most of these same stations And be with us again next week at this time for another comedy episode of our miss brooks bob laman speaking