 News, everyone! The SCP Foundation has successfully spliced the DNA of the Pokémon Parasect and popular musician Billy Eilish for science! Poker faces, everyone! Gaga-gobot has breached containment! Should I take a shot? No, you fool! It's not her fault she was born this way! You're telling me that you had to give SCP-049 the gender-switching stone again, and teach it a bunch of Cirque du Soleil malarkey, and to introduce it to Hotsene Miku so that it could enter a talent show to save Site-42 from being bought by Marshall Carter and Dart! All on 80s movies, save the community center plot! When you think about it, there's probably a lot of SCPs that'd be Avengers if given the chance. But we're not going to give them the chance because we keep them in their boxes. What are you doing, Avengers stuff? Dude, I'm invisible with a knife tail? I mean, that'd be cool. This is SCP-5000. 5,000 just kind of keeps you alive and makes people not notice you. It doesn't have a lot of offense. That also means half of all SCPs are getting blipped, too. But you're surviving if you happen to be in something like SCP-106's pocket dimension, right? I don't think the Infinity Gauntlet's mess with the multiverse, so I think the pocket dimension would keep you safe. But the SCP-3008 is maybe just a portal to an entire IKEA merit dimension, which is why it goes on forever. I mean, you could interpret it like that? If the Hulk was in the same room as SCP-426, the toaster that makes you talk is if you're a toaster, would it still make him say I'm a toaster, or would it make him say something like Hulk is a toaster? No, it'd be like toaster shining! Because you're gonna die! Dr. Sherman answers your comments trying to protect your doubloons from the SCP Foundation. Haha, I met doubloon god and now I have infinite. The SCP Foundation has contained countless gods. The doubloon god is just another incapacitated deity. Also, you used the wrong pronoun. You don't have infinity doubloons. We have your infinity doubloons. Bye-bye now. Boy, I have five bodyguards and two sword. That can't even take on one of our hundreds of mobile task forces. Thank you for the doubloons. Bye-bye now. Jokes on you, I have a dragon that protects my doubloons. If you've read SCP-1762, you know exactly how the Foundation deals with dragons. Now you can throw your weepy tissues in the trash can next to the doubloon containment center on your way out. Bye-bye. Power to the black paws! They will never take us! We've already secured, contained, and protected your pilferous pussycats. All your doubloons belong to the SCP Foundation. Good day! Stop! You violated the law! The croissant army needs to be stopped. The cavalcade of crazed croissants being cranked out across this app is reaching critical mass! And it's up to you, members of the newly designated Mobile Task Force Sai-12 codename, Pastry Pacifiers, to contain the anomalous threat. Your mission is to neutralize all croissant army videos and comments using the code phrase all your croissants have been contained by the SCP Foundation at Site 42. And our emoji for this emoji war will be the radiation symbol. The closest thing we have to the SCP logo on standard phones without giving too much away. Godspeed Sai-12, secure, contain, protect. Yes, Overseer. We did contain that anomaly. It is much, much larger than the other bird. Excuse me. Agent, you get that bird back right now? Oh, thank you, 343. Yes, it's fine. They've recontained it. You put it in your car? Is that the chaos insurgency? So the more they try to contain it, the more we'll expose the truth. Dude, containing anomalies and hiding the truth from the public is like our entire thing. You're really crimping my style right now. Want me to call an extraction team? Are we running low on black bags? Give them a week, see if he shapes up. I've heard the rumors that I am fey and trying to trick my way into your lives. Right. I'd like to start a dialogue about this. Okay. If you would just give me your name and tell me what to find out. Nope, nope, nope. And here at our Enrichment Center, you can see how we keep the anomalies entertained during their time with us. Happy anomalies. Don't attempt to breach containment. Oh, maybe that one will do better the second time around. Uh, okay. Go for it. You did your best. He's in the Infant Ikea. What did you find D759? Put it on screen. No! Oh, puppy. Is that a puppy? That's a freaking black shark. Who's a good boy? What would be the most helpful SCP? Ignoring the obvious ones like SCP-343, which is literally God, apparently. I'd have to say SCP-662. He's a butler that can do anything. What's a good one? 2295 is pretty useful and 2719 is extremely useful if you can understand how it works. 2718 is also pretty horrifying if you have the classification level to read it. Whoa. Make? Well, I've made some SCPs if you want to check my author page, which is linked to my bio. Don't forget to sub to the YouTube channel anyway there. The Chibifier. I don't know, it sounds hilarious. After you subscribe, let me know. Now, the hunters or the mental letters, those would be groups of interest in Foundation lore. How can I help? What? What? Want me to grab the amnestics? Uh, hold up. Let him cook. Those have issued the first known unicorn license to a nine-year-old girl. Go into Los Angeles to amnesticize a nine-year-old. Go into Los Angeles to contain a goddamn unicorn. It's wizard time, motherfucker! Fireball! What your favorite SCP doctor says about you? If your favorite is Clef, you either really like the witch child or a complete and utter agent of fucking chaos, or your little shit. If your favorite is Bright, you are most likely the little brother of the group and or little shit. If your favorite is Gears, then you are very level-headed in a lot of high stress situations, and the witch child is probably one of your favorite SCPs. If your favorite is Trebuchet, then you're most likely the mom friend of the group, and you really, really do love the soft and sweet SCPs. If your favorite is Iceberg, you are completely done with everyone's fucking shit. If your favorite is Kandreki, then you're most likely either the dad friend, the dork, or you have a daddy kink. Our flag has been proudly planted atop the verified TikTok home page. Hold! Hold on a second! Is it over? Hey, hey, Hugh! Give me a second! You gargantuan gallivanting goofies! Before I grab the gate, gaudy in to grant you a grizzly game over! I think the war has ended. Well, this is awfully embarrassing. Are we supposed to just ignore normalcy and move on? Like, no, no, that's not how we do things at the Foundation. We're gonna fix this. Yeah, they got their croissants on the home page, but now that they've made normal into abnormalcy, we just have to make abnormalcy normal. Yes, yes. Steve, initiate the on-wee protocol. Yes, you know Chemtrails? Those are real. And ENUI 5 is our most subtle amnestic. By the time this goes, you're gonna forget that there was an emoji war at all. In fact, you're gonna forget it just as hard as you forgot the Vanto War and the Rogue War. Yeah, you remember that? No, you don't know. I'm gonna have to amnesticize you again. Anyways, goodbye! I'm walking back to my apartment and I'm glad I see number 42. Hello. Oh, stop. Brian! Brian, you get down here this instant. You are going back in containment. Where are you going? No. No, you got the feds involved. Oh, damn it. Call the UIU. Get him to call off the birds. The Waffle House has found its new host. The Waffle House has found its new host. Of course it has! Who do you think installed the bloody thing? It's right here in the containment procedures for SCP redacted. And I quote, if circumstances leave the Waffle House without a host, a suitable replacement, i.e. sacrifice, must be made within 28 days. Failure to install a new host within this timeframe will lead to a WK class meteorological event. Did you think it was a coincidence that Waffle House has the world's greatest weather forecasting and preparedness regimen? It's because Waffle House controls the weather! People think the Illuminati control the weather. The Illuminati couldn't even control Kanye. So yes, the Waffle House has its new host. You're welcome from the SCP Foundation. What's the coolest SCP object? The Mount Everest SCP, because it's a bunch of frozen bodies. They are chill AF. Oh, but for non-dad joke answer, I also like SCP-3108, the Nerfing Gun. I think it's pretty cool that you can just shoot it and make things worse. Good, bad, doesn't really matter. They're anomalous. They go in the box. Yeah, he's a dick. Cabin in the Woods and hashtag RenewInsideJob. Oh, I like Undertale. We're having a discussion on SCP Twitter right now. What kind of character energy does Dr. Sherman have? Asgore Dad Energy, Mediton Shawth Energy, Papyrus Goober Energy, or Burger Pants Burnt Out Energy? Thank you for listening. Site 42 studios and its staff are funded by viewers like you. Please become a patron or visit our merch store at the link in our bio to support our work. Secure. Contain. Protect.