 Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young as Father, a half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. A father's a pitiful fellow, brow-beaten, maligned and oppressed, but on Sunday his mood will be mellow. It's the one day when Father Knows Best. That's right, neighbors, this coming Sunday is Father's Day, and in Springfield it's going to be quite an event. The White Frame House on Maple Street is bustling with activity, and as Jim Anderson steps through the front door, we can't be quite certain as to whether or not he approves, but we'll find out, won't we? Margaret, I'm... Hey, what's going on here? Jim, what are you doing home? Well, I just thought... You weren't supposed to be home until six o'clock. I know, honey, but there wasn't anything doing at the office, and I figured, what's going on in the living room, a hog-collar's convention? Why don't you go for a walk or something? I don't want to go for a walk. Why don't you run down to the drugstore? I don't want to run any place, I just want to sit. Now will you please tell me why the living room sounds like a weasel got into the henhouse? What? What is going on in the living room? Oh, well, it's a surprise. Honey, not again. Well, it isn't exactly a surprise, but, Jim Anderson, one way or another you always managed to spoil everything. What did I spoil now? That's the Food and Refreshment Committee for the Father's Day outing. All right, I didn't... Wait a minute, there must be a dozen women in there. There are only eight. That's the committee. The Food and Refreshments. But the whole outing was supposed to be for five or six families. What happened? Well, it grew. Honey, I said I didn't mind going on a picnic with people like the Hathaway's and the Woody's, but if you think I'm going to spend Father's Day, how many are there going to be? Well, Norman and Harriet Franklin said they weren't sure, and Jane Overton said she'd have to ask Henry... Margaret, how many people are there going to be? Including the children? Including everybody. Two hundred and twelve. Two hundred and twelve people? That's without the Franklins and the Overtons. How did it get to be two hundred and twelve? Well, Lucille Hathaway told a few of her friends, and Dorothy Woody told a few of hers. May told a few of theirs? Then, of course, when we got the Boys Club to join... You got the Boys Club for Father's Day? Isn't it wonderful? We're making it a Father and Sons Day. Honey, why don't you just give me a necktie? Everyone thinks it's a brilliant idea, and they're talking about it all over Springfield. It's going so well. The operation was a success, but the patient died. What, dear? Nothing, honey. I was just... I think I'll go into the den and lie down. Oh, no, you can't. I...what? The contest committee's in there. The contest committee? They have to think of all sorts of stunts and games. It's really quite important. Stunts and games? You're going to have a wonderful time, dear. I know it. Yes. I, uh... I'd better go upstairs and lie down for a while. That's a good boy. Oh, Jim, don't go into our room. I've turned that over to the Transportation Committee. Yes, dear. I'll be sure not to go into our room. Father's Day. The best thing they can do with Father's on Father's Day is leave them alone. Stunts and games. Hi, Father. What are you doing home? That's the second time I've been asked that. What's so unusual about my coming home? I come home all the time. Pardon me. I was only trying to be pleasant. Man comes into his own home and what happens? He can't get into the den. He can't get into the living room. He can't get into his own bedroom. You can't go into Bud's room, Father. Now, see here, Betty. But it's all full of hats and coats. Oh. So is my room. That's why I have to study out here. Well, it could be worse, I guess. Right now I can't think how, but I suppose it could. Going downstairs, Father? No, I'm trying to set a new record for the indoor ski jump. Tally-ho! Am I going downstairs? What did you think I was doing? Deep sea diving? Am I going downstairs? Hiya, Dad. What are you doing home? I... Well, never mind. What are those? These? Oh, they're tickets. I see. You wouldn't care to confide in me a little further, would you? Huh? What are the tickets for? They're for the picnic. You owe six and a quarter. For the Father's Day picnic. Sure. I'm being taken to a Father's Day picnic, but I have to pay $6.25. What for? Five tickets. But let me put it another way. We're taking our own lunch, right? Right. There's no charge for the picnic grounds, right? Right. Then who gets the $6.25? Didn't I tell you about that? It gets split up. I see. Part of it goes to the boys' club. And the rest? The rest of it goes to the boys. Well, that's nice. It's what I call a very neat arrangement. Oh, holy cow, Dad. We had to have some reason for going. Hi, Daddy. So help me if she says one word. What are you doing home? I'm going down to the basement. You can't, Dad. It's full of women. If your mother... They're in the basement, too? They're practically crawling out of the woodwork. I don't know. Women can be so wonderful. Why do they have to be so many of them? I know a good place to hide. Nobody said anything about hiding. This is as much my home as it is anyone else's. And if they think... Where? Raj, you can't even hear them out there. In other words, you are suggesting that I run away. Yeah, like a coward. Well, I was only trying to help. Kitten, you know what Voltaire said, don't you? I do. The coward flees in vain. Right, bud? Yes, sir. That's what he said. But on the other hand, I remember another quotation which says, it is not too late tomorrow to be brave. Where are you going, Dad? Out in back of the garage. Hello, Jim. What's the good word? Oh, hello, Sam. How go the homegrown radishes and tomatoes? I don't know yet. The bugs haven't left one big enough to eat. Hello, Cathy, bud. Hi, Mr. Woody. We're hiding. Cathy. Well, you said... We just came out to get a little fresh air, that's all. Sure is a beautiful day, isn't it, Sam? Houseful of women, huh? They're hanging from the chandeliers. They are? I didn't see anybody. Keep quiet, will you? Oh, another joke, huh? Mr. Woody, if you haven't bought your tickets for the Father's Day picnic... Leave Mr. Woody alone, bud. But if he's going to buy tickets anyway... It's all right, Jim. If I'm going to be hooked, it might as well be for bud. Well... It's for a very worthy cause, Mr. Woody. And besides, they're giving away all kinds of junk. I mean prizes. See, Dorothy was telling me about some of those prizes, and they aren't bad. That'll be $3.75, Mr. Woody. Just a second, bud. Prizes for what? The various contests, three-legged races, sack races, the usual things. I wouldn't be caught dead in a sack race. Or a three-legged race, either. Mrs. Phillips says they're not going to have a three-legged race. I thought they were. Oh, Mrs. Phillips said she doesn't think there'll be enough people there with three legs. Well, that's logical. For her. Mr. Woody, if you'd like to give me the $3.75 now... You know, Jim, you might change your mind if you saw some of those prizes. They promoted a 16-millimeter camon projector. That's nice promoting. They're going to have a wheelbarrow race, and the prize is six dozen golf balls. Mr. Woody, if you'd like to give me the... Wait a minute. Is she on the level, Sam? That's right. I told you they'd gone all out. But six dozen golf balls? You ought to see the prize they've got for the egg race. Four of the most beautiful matched woods you ever saw. You're kidding. Mr. Woody, if you'd like to... How bad, huh? ...matched woods. You know, maybe I'm going to like this picnic after all. Mr. Woody... The only thing I don't like about it are those cock-eyed contests. Why don't they have a drawing and get it over with? I'll be dead after the first race. That's exactly what I told Dorothy. I said it wasn't fair to you and some of the other older men. Get out there and... What was that? They want to hand me the prizes, I don't mind, but I think they ought to give somebody else a chance. What was that crack about older men? Mr. Woody... But will you please keep still? Holy cow. You and I are the same age and you know it. Where do you get that older man stuff? Jim, you were 40 in February. So what? I wasn't 40 until May. Oh, great. And besides, I've kept in condition. I haven't got soft and flabby. Who's soft and flabby? Well, you said... I'm in just as good condition right now as you were the best day in your life. Is that so? Yes, that's so. Well, we'll find that out on Sunday, won't we? We certainly will. Bud and I will make you and that half pint son of yours look like change from a $2 bill. Won't we, Bud? All I want is $3.75. What's more, I'll just make a little side bet with you on every race we enter. That's a deal. Half a buck a race. You've got it. Well, I'll see you Sunday. Not if I can help it. I'll be so far ahead you won't see anything but dust. Is that so? Yes, that's so. I think he's so wonderful. You and the other older men. Dad. We're going to spend the next two days training. That's what we're going to do. We'll be in such wonderful condition, he won't know what happened to him. Dad. I can help you train, Daddy. I know where I can borrow a stopwatch. Tell me he's younger than I am. Dad. I can run circles around him without even trying. Are you going to run in circles? Him and his radishes. He thinks he's so wonderful because he's got a few puny radishes. Dad. But what's the matter with you? You're standing on my foot. Let's hope this time Father really does know best. But ladies, whether or not he overrates himself as an athlete, there's one thing you can't take away from the head of the house. Father's day and every day. That man of yours always knows best about truly good coffee. Yes, your husband is the world's greatest coffee expert. It is true people call us experts, too. After all, more families buy our Maxwell House Coffee than any other brand. But when you brew the coffee for your husband, well, he's the expert with the final say so. And tomorrow, if you'll fill his cup with the heartwarming goodness of Maxwell House Coffee, he'll surely smile and say, Now that's really fine coffee. Yes, ma'am, he'll say that all right. In fact, we'll return your money if he doesn't. We're that sure he'll enjoy that famous good to the last drop flavor. You see, the Maxwell House recipe demands certain extra rich coffees blended just so. And only Maxwell House has that recipe. No coffee tastes like Maxwell House because no coffee is made like Maxwell House. Tomorrow then, pour your husband a cup of wonderfully good Maxwell House Coffee. If he doesn't smile and say, best coffee ever, why just send us the can and unused portion and we'll refund your money. Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. Yes, serve the world's greatest coffee expert, your husband. Coffee with the world's most famous flavor, our Maxwell House Coffee. Always good to the last drop. The feathers in a lady's fan are not so frail as mortal man. That may be true, of course, but not so far as the Andesons are concerned. With the Father's Day picnic less than 24 hours away, the Andesons, father and son, are working like little beavers to achieve a veritable peak of physical perfection. And they spare nothing in their effort, like this. Up, two, three, down. Up, two, three, down. That's a hundred, Daddy. All ready? OK, bud, that's enough. Boy, am I tired. Tired? Why, we're only just beginning. What's next on the list, Kathy? Push-ups. All right, bud, let's try 40 or 50 push-ups. Are you ready? 40 or 50? Holy cow, Dad, have a heart. Well, we'll try 25 for a start. Ready? I suppose so. Here we go. One, two. Up, down. Daddy? Not now, kid. One, two. But I want to ask you something. Hold on a second, bud. What is it, Kathy? Did the Army really make you promise you wouldn't do setting-up exercises? Well, it's sort of private agreement I have with General Eisenhower. He doesn't sell any insurance and I don't do any setting-up exercises. Golly, General Eisenhower. Where did we leave off, bud? I don't know, Dad, but can I please rest for a while? I'm dead. All right, son, we'll take it easy for a few minutes. Oh, boy. I don't know what's gotten into this new generation. Why, when I was a boy, I thought nothing of doing 100 push-ups. I don't think much of it myself. Yes, baby? Is lying in a hammock really good exercise? Oh, it's the best. It, uh, strengthens the back muscles. Why, I once knew an Olympic champion and he did all of his training lying in a hammock. Gosh! Dad, I've got a great idea. Why don't we strengthen my back muscles for a while? I'll take the hammock and you... We're doing fine just the way we are, bud. Uh, Kathy, how would you like to run into the house like a good girl and see if your mother has any more iced coffee? Oh, okay, Daddy. Jim! Uh, hold it, kitten. We're out here, Margaret. Jim, I heard a dozen eggs in the pantry and they're gone. Do you know what happened to them? You put those eggshells into the garage before your mother... What kind of eggs, honey? You know very well what kind of eggs. They were right on the second shelf and the... Bud, what are you doing? Doing? What are you hiding? Hiding? Bud, stop gawking at me and say something. Uh... Hi, Mom. Jim! Now, wait a minute, honey. What differs do a few eggs make? After all, if we're going to win the egg race... My eggs. You've broken every single one of my eggs. One of them's only cracked a little, Mommy. A whole dozen eggs. But we've got it down to a system, Margaret. Bud and I can run the egg course in 23 seconds. Can't we, Kathy? They sure can, Mommy. And Mr. Woody and Jimmy took 31. Come on, bud. Let's show your mother how we do it. With what? Oh. Well, as soon as we get some more eggs... You'll do no more practicing with my eggs. Honey, I'll get you two dozen eggs. I'll get you a whole chicken. Will Billy Smith dead? Betty, I'm talking to your father. It's all right, Margaret. I'm in no hurry. I'll never speak to that little monster again as long as I live. Dear, I'm sure that whatever it is... But you don't know what he did. He just called me and broke our date for tonight. Well, he probably has a very good reason. Jim... He hasn't any reason at all. What difference does it make if he is in training? He had a date with me. Wait a minute, Betty. He's in training for what? Father, the whole thing is your fault. If you hadn't started this silly business with Mr. Woody... You mean he's in training for the picnic? Everybody's in training for the picnic. Every man in the whole neighborhood is running around with an egg on a spoon. Well, of all the dirty, double-crossing... I don't care if it is Father's Day. Billy doesn't have any right. What? We've got to start training. We've got to start? We're going to show those two timings... I haven't done anything but train for two days. That doesn't count. We'll start from the very beginning. Oh, no. Jim, this whole thing is ridiculous. It's no such thing. Anytime they think they can put one over on Jim Anderson... Well, they've got another thing coming. Bud? Yes, sir? Let's hit the road. What? We've had enough setting up exercises. We have? We're going to concentrate on road work. We're going to run those other guys right off the map. But, Daddy, you can't. Why can't I? You promised General Eisenhower. Yes, Dad? Are you all right? Oh, sure, Dad. I'm fine. You, uh... don't want to overdo it, you know. No. After all, you're just a boy. You haven't the endurance of, uh... older men. Sure you wouldn't like to stop for a while? Gosh, no. We've only run about a mile. Yes. Okay. One, two, three, four. Bud? How you doing, Dad? We've got to stop. I can't run another step. Holy cow, Dad. After only three miles? I wouldn't run another step if my life depended on it. Okay, but good grief. We don't anymore get started. Hiya, Jim! Hello, Hector. Doing a little road work, huh? Ah, this is a life, isn't it, Jim? I'm in a fresh air and a sunshine. Boy, do I feel good. I don't feel like I can run another five miles. You've run five miles? Like I was nothing. Well, I better keep going. Let's go, Bud. Like you said... I said, let's go. Okay. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. No. I don't want to stop again. I'd like to run another 75 or 80 miles. Well? Find me another pair of legs and I'll be glad to. Dad, you're not going to give up now, are you? For your information, I gave up an hour ago. I just didn't have the strength to get the news down to my feet. Gosh, after... Uh-oh, here comes Mr. Woody. Well, there's no man, Anderson. Everything under control, Jim? Couldn't be better. That's what I like to hear. Well, she at the picnic. Don't make it run too far up there. Okay, Mr. Woody. All right, Bud. What? Let's go. I can't, Bud. I just can't. Hi there, Jim. Let's go, Bud. I couldn't get out of bed if you gave me a million dollars. But, Jim, this is Father's Day. I don't care whose day it is. Just let me lie here in peace. Is it really that bad? Honey, right now I've got three times as many muscles as anybody else in the world. And every one of them has a toothache. Poor Bud. Poor Bud? How about me? I'm the one who's dying. But he's been counting on itself. Well, I'll make it up to him, some way. Jim, are you sure you can't make it? Margaret, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I can't even turn my head. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure I've got a head. All right, dear. I'll just have to explain to the children. That's all. I'm not worried about the children. Sam Woody's the guy I'm worried about. He'll never let me forget it. Of course he will. Sam's a very nice man and very broad-minded. Broad-minded? He's so narrow-minded he can look through a keyhole with both eyes. That isn't so. No? Well, you just wait. Ten years from now, he'll still be talking about the time he ran me out of the picnic. And if you think- Mom, hey, Mom. I'm in the bedroom, dear. Mom, they're making an announcement about the picnic over the radio. Oh, well, we better turn it on. I'll fix it. Turn it on gently, Bud. And stop jiggling the floor. I wasn't jiggling the floor. Every time somebody moves, I discover a new ache. What's the matter, Dad? Don't you feel well? I not only do not feel well, I am slowly disintegrating. Hold it, Dad. Here it comes. In the largest Father's Day picnic in the history of Springfield, now the news most of you have been waiting to hear. The transportation problem has finally been solved. A fleet of bluebird buses has been chartered by- What? One moment, please. This on the level? Ladies and gentlemen, I have just been handed an important bulletin, which I should like to read. Due to a mysterious epidemic of unknown origin, over 100 fathers in the Springfield area have suddenly been confined to their bed. As a result, the picnic... What? Ladies and gentlemen, the picnic has not been canceled, but will instead be known as the mother and child outfit. Happy Father's Day. On Saturday, when you buy coffee, remember this. In coffee, real value means the most in flavor for your money. And in all this world, there's one coffee famous above all others for flavor, our Maxwell House coffee. So take home a pound this weekend, then let your husband, the world's greatest coffee expert, enjoy that famous flavor. When he smiles and says, greatest coffee ever, you'll be satisfied that Maxwell House has the flavor your family likes best. As for value, well, just count for yourself all the truly good cups of coffee you get from each pound. Yes, for coffee that gives you your money's worth and more, look for America's sign of good coffee, the big white cup and drop on the friendly blue tin. That's Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. It's dinner time now, and the Andesons are gathered about the festive board, and a festive board it is indeed. There's a special roast for Father's Day, chocolate pie with thick whipped cream for Father's Day, and best of all, a surprise for Father's Day, like this. Go on, Mom, tell him. Bud, please. Mother, if you don't, we will. Very really. Mommy, if you don't tell him, I'm going to burst. Well, all right. Bud, why don't you get it? Okay, Mom, it won't take two seconds. Jim? Yes, dear? We have a little surprise for you. That's nice. And we hope very sincerely that you'll get a great deal of pleasure out of it. I know, it's a wheelchair. Here they are, Dad. Matched woods. Honey! Happy Father's Day, dear. Oh, you bought me a set of matched woods. Well, we didn't exactly buy them, dear. Mommy won the egg race. Coffee, dear? Thank you very much. Well, that's all for today. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you. Go to Williams, Norma Jean-Delson, Herb Bygren, Stanley Ferrar, and yours truly, Bill Forman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. Dragnet is the story of your police force in action. Listen on NBC.