 So you've never had an orgasm? Out of six. Out of six. Out of six. Sex! Six. Shut up. What about seven? Oh my God, you know what? Oh God. Glorella, I need you to meet somebody because there's a woman we all know in this room who had a similar problem. What's funny about that? Oh my God, Gluyla, I really want you to have an orgasm during sex. But we fixed that problem. I can have, I have them a lot when I get hit but not. But I'm talking about during intercourse. I be trying to see like what, like how do you do that? No, that is, it is a big deal though for a lot of women because until we learn like how to teach a guy how to do it. Are you vocal? Like you tell him, this is what you want to do. You're not vocal. You're not vocal. I'm vocal. You telling him what to do? Yeah. Huh. She seemed like she. We gotta get another. But you know, I saw somewhere and said it's on that liver percent chance or a female can't have an orgasm of six. I think once you know how, you could do it all the time. Yeah, but once you know how. It's what you know how. You know how. Come. This book's for you. Okay, then. My wife talks about it, yeah. She talks about it. My wife says she ain't got time to wait no 10 years. She need another book. This conversation that troubles me is that while it does have some sex positive concepts loosely woven in there, like advocate for your pleasure and practice on your own body. Get to know yourself first and then communicate what you have learned to your partners. It also enforces and promotes a very negative harmful mindset that women's sexual pleasure is a problem that needs to be solved and figured out. A problem that is so complex that it could take someone 10 years to uncover. Or furthermore, an entire book that you would have to read in order to get it. But if this conversation was being had with a person with a penis, you wouldn't hand that person a book. You would hand them a business card that said rub the lamp and the genie will come out. Pretty much that simple. And the real truth is for people with all of us, it is also pretty much that simple, but we don't accept that answer as being valid or being enough. And this is not new. And I'm really sad that it's still happening. This video is sponsored by Squarespace. Buy a website, build a website, have an online store and market yourself all in one stunning, easy to use, customizable space that is efficient and awesome. What is your next big idea in 2023? What do you want to make happen? You can make it with Squarespace. And bonus, if you go to squarespace.com slash Shambuni, you can get 10% off the purchase of a website or a domain. And you can also get two weeks for free where you can play around and bring your idea to life and then decide what to do with it next. I have kept this seat open for your next big idea. So go to squarespace.com slash Shambuni to make it real, to make it happen, and to make it with Squarespace. As a matter of fact, here is an excerpt from the therapy app Talkspace, an article called How Psychology Stigmatized Female Orgasm. From the 19th to the mid-20th centuries, many psychologists inspired by Sigmund Freud argued that women should only achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration by a man. As a result, until the mid-20th century, psychologists considered women who orgasm from clitoral stimulation, immature, and even prone to psychosis. Proper sexual pleasure was defined only through married, vaginal, heterosexual intercourse. Women who could not orgasm this way were often considered frigid, disordered, or automatically assumed to be lesbian, which of course at the time was also considered a mental illness. Freud's contribution to the plight of women's sexual pleasure happened over 100 years ago. And sadly, even though it's been debunked, many, many, many, many times by many experts and many books that we all love, some people still believe it. But if we listen to the work of researcher Dr. Elizabeth Lloyd instead of Freud, this video would not be necessary. Elizabeth Lloyd analyzed 74 years of studies and concluded that amongst orgasmic women when intercourse that was not accompanied by stimulation of the clitoris, just a quarter of the women studied experienced orgasms often or very often during an intercourse. However, the other 75% experienced orgasm with intentional clitoral stimulation. Now, I really hate to hammer a point home, but I recently read Dr. Nita Landry's book called Crash Course for Women and I thought she explained this point in a way that everyone can understand and sink their teeth into. As a fun note, this book is 427 pages long and this topic is addressed on page 14. And then we move on because it's time we moved on. Case in point, the female equivalent of the penis is not the vagina, it's the clitoris. And just as many men enjoy their penises, women enjoy the hell out of their clitorises. So much so that most women who masturbate stimulate their clitoris with little or no vaginal penetration even when they are using a vibrator. But when those same clitoris-loving females add a penis-possessing bow to the scenario, a lot of them spend the whole sex session focusing on penis and vagina, P and V sex. Even though in most P and V positions, it's like the male penis is in Texas while the visible part of their beloved clitoris is in Minnesota, getting absolutely no stimulation. Then when 75% of those women do not orgasm from that vaginal penetration, instead of saying, our bad, vaginal penetration works great for a guy's penis, but we gotta switch it up for the ladies. Society makes it seem like those women have anatomically inferior vaginas, but they don't. Malfunctioning female anatomy is not the problem. A lack of understanding of how female anatomy is designed to work is the problem. That wasn't as clean as I wanted it to be. Not as emphatic. Let's try it again. Is the problem. Is the problem. Okay, to help you understand the two-date scientific findings about vaginal penetration orgasms, let's use this chin up bar. So, let's say the ability to do a chin up is like being able to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. 25% of women can do a chin up. Of those 25%, some can do a chin up only on occasion, and some can do chin ups fairly reliably. This is known as an unassisted vaginal orgasm, and this might have been what Lorela was talking about when she said, I saw somebody say it's only a 11% chance or a female can have orgasm of six. Moving on, 75% of people can't do a chin up in the way that you just saw. Some are just not tall enough to even give it a try. This could be because of the position of their pubic bone, the distance from their clitoris to their vaginal opening, the size of their clitoral hood, since many women who say they can orgasm from penetration while being on top are still just describing external clitoral orgasm because for them, grinding against their partner's pelvic region can get them there, or it could be the size of their skeins gland or lack of skeins glands, lots of different theories. Which brings us to our next point. Some people can do a chin up with assistance, meaning if their outer clitoris is being stimulated by fingers, a toy or grinding while their vagina is being penetrated, orgasm can occur. This is known as an assisted vaginal orgasm and it's pretty important to call out because the star of this doubleheader show is likely still the clitoris. And oh, what a star it is. 95% of women orgasm from some form of clitoral stimulation, which means if this chin up bar was a high five practice machine, most people would be able to do it. So why aren't we all more focused on celebrating this instead of hyper obsessing over who can and can't do that? Now let's play a game that I just made up called Three Myths and Three Maybes. Myth number one, the vagina is the equivalent to the penis in terms of pleasure centers. As I just read in the Dr. Nita Landry book, the vagina is not the equivalent to the penis, the clitoris is the pleasure equivalent to the penis. That's actually an understatement because the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, which is potential for a wows, while the penis glands only has 4,000. You might have heard the term before that everyone is born female. This isn't technically true, but what it's saying is that at a certain point in human development, everyone looks about the same. And then at around the 12 week point in time, that's when differences begin to occur, when the ovaries would descend to start transforming into testicles and when the clitoris would extend to become a penis if the person is going to be assigned male at birth. And this is really important to note because that's essentially it. This is a clitoris and this is a penis. So if you're trying to compare apples to apples, a penis orgasm is likened to a clitoral orgasm and a prostate orgasm would be likened to a penetration orgasm. And not every man or person with a penis has had a prostate orgasm. Similarly, myth number two, a vaginal orgasm is just better, more superior than a clitoral orgasm. Now this isn't true because you can't measure and weigh experiences against each other or at least I don't know of any kind of mechanism that allows you to do that. Secondly, it possibly could be true because the biggest sexual organ is the brain. So if you go into sex believing that a vaginal orgasm is the top of top, then you're going to equate it to being the most magical experience. But in other studies, a lot of women and people involved us have stated that they are different but not one better or worse than the other. They describe a clitoral orgasm as very intense but very local to the genital region, whereas a vaginal orgasm feels like more of a bodily reaction. And again, not that one is better than the other, they're just different. Kind of like pizza and sushi. Both delicious, both have their times in the sun. And if you had to pick, you probably wouldn't want to. Like that. Let's move on to some maybes. Maybe number one, everyone has the potential to have an unassisted vaginal orgasm. Maybe they can. When we talk about potential, the sky is the limit. Maybe everyone can shoot lasers from their butt. There is still so much that we are learning, not just about ourselves, but about the human experience overall. And because many people can orgasm from sleep or from other arogenous zones, there's always a possibility that some or all people can achieve orgasm in a particular kind of way with some kind of new invention or discovery that we're gonna have down the line. But instead of waiting for that to be the truth, let's bask in the truth right now that many people know what works for them today. And if you know how to orgasm, that's the victory, not how you do it. Maybe number two, if you haven't had an unassisted vaginal orgasm, you just have not been with the right partner. And this is a maybe because the only thing constant in this world is change. So maybe you need to strengthen your pelvic floor. Maybe you need a different position or maybe you need a different partner or maybe you need menopause or childbirth. For me, after giving birth, my vagina, I mean specifically my vaginal canal, was completely different than it was before. And in a positive way, I had a lot more sensations in it. Still unable to have an unassisted vaginal orgasm, but definitely my potential for experiencing pleasure and sensation expanded. So change is a constant. And yeah, maybe there is some truth to the right partner, but I would definitely hate to continue to throw out great sexual partners or dismiss them as not being good enough for something that only 25% of people are gonna consistently have. That's just me. Maybe number three, men prefer women who orgasm from penetration. Maybe, maybe some people prefer to date people who like the exact same food as them. So when they go to a restaurant, they're having the best experience and the other person's having the best experience and they don't have to compromise at all. That's in essence what we're trying to promote when we tell women that this is the way you should orgasm, we're telling them that the way that a man experiences pleasure should also be the way that you experience pleasure, that they shouldn't have to make any alterations or adaptations to pursuing their joy in order to give you yours as well. And who wouldn't want that deal? I think on the flip side, we should also promote another ideology because there are some people who can orgasm from giving oral sex to other people. So we should put it out there that men should learn how to orgasm from giving a woman oral sex and that if they do, then they're a good partner. Or they should learn how to make their penis glens into a sex toy or a finger using lube and their hands rubbing down against the cutaris as if it's a tongue and that they should orgasm from that alone. And if they don't, well, then they're subpart partners. Maybe that's the truth too. But also maybe there are a lot of men and people with penises out there who find joy in exploration, who find joy in the differences that they have with their partner and like just to give and like to receive. And those activities don't have to have the same beginning, middle, and end. And of those partners, I would proudly say is my partner. As a matter of fact, the only reason I came across this global eclipse is because Jared, my husband's friend who knows of the work that we do and knows of the truth out there, saw that clip, sent it to Jared and said, your wife needs to respond to this. So maybe there are some men who think this way. But I think there's a whole lot of others who welcome our differences. If you've been doing the math and you realize I've only done two myths and three maybes. So here's the final myth. If you cannot have an unassisted vaginal orgasm, you cannot be a sex expert and you can't be good at sex because here I am, incredible in the bedroom and a valued and notable and longstanding sex expert whom has never had an unassisted vaginal orgasm. Something that I say with a smile because it's a part of my story. And my story is one of empowerment and joy and pleasure and expansion and optimization. And so it's a detail in there. Now don't get me wrong, this is a detail that I have severely fought over because of all the conditioning I've talked about in this video, which is why I'm extremely passionate about this topic. Not only is this a reality that caused me to have multiple sexual partners without orgasm that encouraged me to fake it with majority of these partners in my formative sexual years. This is also a detail of my life that has caused me to go to a lot of experts, which is not a bad thing, but going to an expert out of a need for an outcome rather than for a joy for exploration are very different circumstances. And when you have a need for an outcome, set yourself up to be disappointed. And my sex life is a lot of things and disappointing should not be one of them because I have a body that is responsive, that is beautiful, and that provides pleasure. And that is something to celebrate. But I will say that in my early 20s, after I discovered that some people could orgasm from penetration alone, I went to a class and I tried to learn how to. Bought a toy, was unsuccessful. Went to another class that offered a one-on-one consultation where an expert actually worked with you to help you achieve this kind of orgasm, didn't work for me. And then I had a coach who told me to stop literally stimulating myself for a month in order to get more sensitivity in other areas of my genitals, and then to try it. And after a month and then a couple more because I really wanted to get this right of frustration, not just sexually because I wasn't orgasming, but with myself because I wasn't orgasming in the way that the course prescribed to, I decided that enough was enough and I was just going to embrace what worked for me. But that isn't actually the real truth because I always kept the door open that maybe there would be a new partner or maybe there would be a new season or a moon tide that would bring this experience to me. And I talk about this in an episode of Lovers and Friends, episode one, not a coincidence, about this book that I read that described having an unassisted vaginal orgasm as getting to the mountaintop of sex. And if you haven't gotten to the mountaintop, that means that you're always existing in the shallows of the meadow. So last year I actually got an O shot which is a injection that you have placed both in your clitoris and also into your G region area to make it larger and more sensitive in hopes of being able to achieve an orgasm from just penetration alone that way. And that did not work for me either. And despite all of that and all of those efforts, I still have incredible sex and I still am an incredible sex expert. And I think it's really important the work that I do because I've met so many very fascinating, very interesting people who have all kinds of orgasms, tons of them who have unassisted vaginal penetration orgasms, some of them who have anal orgasms, some of them who have nipple orgasms, some of them who have ear orgasms. In Dr. Neal Landry's book, which again I can't say enough good things about, she talks about a study that found that 95% of women had an erogenous zone which is an area that gets stimulated sexually when it is touched or rubbed, aside from their genitals. And of those 95% of people who had this erogenous zone, 12% could orgasm from that which means some people could orgasm from doing this. My main erogenous zone, aside from my genitals, is the back of my neck. Exploring that is something that I'm really excited about. Will I continue to explore vaginal penetration as well? Absolutely, but will I put an outcome on it in the way that I have in the past? Absolutely not. And videos like the one that I'm talking about or responding to, place the outcome on people. And I'm making this response video in hopes of alleviating and lifting that back off because it's not a burden that you should have to carry. It's not a shame that you should have to live with. Sex is meant to be enjoyed and if you are enjoying it, whether it includes orgasm, multiple orgasms, or a certain kind of orgasm, that's something to be celebrating. Now, as I mentioned at the top of the video too, there's a couple of disclaimers that I wanted to add in here. And number one, in this video, I am using the word women to describe people with a vulva. I understand that this can be problematic for some people because you don't identify with the word women, but you do have a vulva. And I apologize for that, just a catch-all term that many people understand, but I'm really talking about people with a vulva when I say women. The second disclaimer that I want to use is that not all cis women are going to orgasm. I'm not saying that in this video. There is still five to 10% of people who are considered medically and orgasmic, but mostly those are people who are post-menopausal. And the final disclaimer is that this is not meant to be a knock against Angela Yee or anybody on the breakfast club because they are sharing information that is widespread and widely believed. And also what she might have been talking about was an assisted vaginal orgasm. She just didn't clarify and instead made it seem as if glorillas, that clitoral orgasm from oral sex was nothing and that she should strive to work towards an unassisted orgasm through vaginal penetration, which would be everything. And that's a blank that I can't, the links haven't spoken with her, but yeah, she might have been talking about an assisted vaginal orgasm wherein you're on top and you're stimulating yourself with your fingers while your partner is penetrating you. We gotta figure that out. We gotta figure that out, like how you do it? I think the easiest way is probably if you're on top. Are you an on top type of woman? A little bit, I'm getting tired. Okay. And it may be, but in either case, I hope that this video provided clarification and food for thought. So thanks for watching. This video was made possible with the support of Squarespace an all in one platform that allows you to build a website that is beautiful, easy to customize, easy to edit and easy on the eyes, also to build an online store and do everything, keep a track of your inventory, make sales, mark down things, everything on one single platform, also to market your business, especially using their incredible email campaigns which are affordable and minimal and beautiful and powerful. Squarespace is what I utilize to market myself and also it's where my websites are housed. So if you wanna take a look at those, go down to the info box and click the links and that's also where you'll find a link to starting your own Squarespace venture. At Squarespace.com slash Shambudi is where you can get the offer of 10% off the purchase of your first website or domain with Squarespace. It's also where you can try it out for free. Two weeks to see what you can make happen. And when you are ready to launch, which will be in 2023 perfect timing, you can get 10% of the purchase of a website or domain at Squarespace.com slash Shambudi. Keepin' it simple, I need me a tempo to get in a limo and give me a limo Dog in the kennel was never my ammo I play like a fiddle, I don't feel no pain Dicked the fame, but dancing away Movin' away, dancing aflame She in the vanity, livin' her fantasy Jail I'm about to see, can't be contained White, knuckling, bringin' a truck