 Hello everyone, welcome to another NARC Survivor live video. In this one I'm going to be talking about how the narcissist hasn't gone anywhere. Please give this video a thumbs up down below. It helps YouTube algorithm and it will get this message out there to other survivors who may be looking for this information. So please do give it a thumbs up down below. But yes that's what we're going to be talking about in this one. The narcissist hasn't gone anywhere and it may look like they've just left you. They've discarded you and now they've rolled off into the sunset with their new supply. They've forgotten all about you. It may look like they're not worried about you anymore. It's like you never even existed. I know they've gone but it is all an illusion. It isn't even real. But they want you to think that it's real. Of course when the narcissist goes they want you to think that they're not coming back but they are coming back because they haven't gone anywhere. And many of you who are watching this right now they may have already come back to you. So I'm sure you will resonate with this information as well. And what I'm about to say will make a lot of sense to you and you will be able to see it, to recognise it that exact moment when they did come back. It's like the narcissist just leaves you. They discard you. They forget about you. And then you have a period of time away from them. In the beginning you experience a lot of suffering. It's like you thought it was bad when they were around your body, your mind. It was so used all of that stimulation when they were constantly there. And it's like you get addicted to it. It's like any time you do anything you're already anticipating a response. And that response could be positive or negative reinforcement. And you get very used to it which is why when they're no longer there it's like you just need something to fill in the gap. It's like you have this empty space, this void in your life. So in the beginning it can be quite a painful experience when they do leave and you're left on your own. And in fact from my experience especially I remember it was worse. It was a lot worse after they left and they were finally alone. Because we have to remember when we're going through all of these things with them our body and mind just shuts down when numb to all of it. Because our brain does this to protect us. So of course when they're finally gone and we actually are alone that is when our brains finally begin to process it. Once we finally feel like we're in a safe space and that is the beginning of your healing journey when they finally leave. And it definitely gets worse before it gets better. You may find that it takes you at least a few months before you start to benefit from the separation or the isolation, the self-isolation. Because that's what most of you may desire to do when they are gone. You may become like hermits, you may feel like you just don't fit in with anyone. Because by the end of it you're like an emotional wreck. And I know what that's like. You go to restaurants, you go for a walk in the park and you're having all these nervous responses. You're just looking around and you're so paranoid wondering if other people notice. It makes you feel a lot of shame because those other people may not know all of these things that you've been through. So you get paranoid and you start to think that maybe they think there's something wrong with you. And it just makes you want to isolate yourself. You just want to be alone. And you shouldn't feel bad for that. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with being alone. And in fact, that can be very beneficial for you at the beginning of your healing journey. But also it's good if you do have a support network. People who understand what you went through. But even if you don't have that, it's okay. You've got me. You've got other YouTubers as well who talk about this and understand it. So just know that you're not alone. And I know what it's like. I've been there. I got quite addicted to these videos on YouTube. And I even spoke to a coach as well in the early days of my healing. And it's such an incredible experience. When you're being around the narcissist and they invalidate you so much. And the smear campaign, everyone turns against you. And then suddenly you find someone, a coach, a therapist. And it's like finally someone gets you. So someone understands. And it makes that painful part of the healing journey a lot easier. But yes, as the title of this video says, they haven't gone anywhere. They may just come back. In most situations they probably will. And I'm going to get into it now. I'm going to explain why. But before I do, please give this video a thumbs up down below. It will help to get this message out there. So that other survivors will see it as well. You begin your healing journey once they've left. You go through the most difficult part on your own. They're not even there to see that. The worst part of it that you went through all of these days and nights you spend alone in your home. Where you just don't even want to go outside. You don't want to go anywhere, especially at night. You just want to barricade yourself in your room. You don't want to see anyone because you're still experiencing the painful effects. And it's hurting you. And you know that other people aren't going to understand why you're so nervous, you're so paranoid. Thinking that everyone is able to get you. Or you worry that if anyone else sees your vulnerabilities, if you're at a restaurant or wherever you may be, you fear that it may just be the same situation again where someone else targets you. And you just don't want to go through it. So you'd rather be left alone. And you take a few months to heal. You go through that process on your own. Maybe no one is even there for you. And finally, you start to feel better. You start to feel happier. And then the narcissist comes back. As soon as you start going through the healing process, they can sense it. They sense your energy slipping away from them. And they do not like it. They do not like that separation because they view you as an extension of themselves. And when they left you behind, they just put you on the shelf with their other toys until they were ready to deal with you again because now they found a new toy. And I think they know. In fact, I'm sure they do. But when you are some time away by yourself, naturally, yes, you do begin to heal. You do begin to get better. And they do not like it when you do that. Because they want you to remain under their control for the rest of your life. Never going off to develop yourself and to heal. They expect you to be laying in the pits, in the rubble where they left you. And then it's like as soon as they see you, you're crawling, you're trying to get back on your feet. It's when they come back to kick you back down again, to put you through the same process, the same cycle all over again. Yes, that is the moment when they come back. When they sense that you are beginning to heal and move on and your energy is slipping away from them. If you don't know by now, the narcissist does not want you to heal. They do not want you to get better. Why do you think they were always there? Of course, anyone would know. If you give a person space, they're going to heal, they're going to get better. Of course, the narcissist knows what they're doing to you. They understand the effects that they're having on you. They know that they're keeping you down. That's the whole point. They can't control someone who is healing and getting better and finding their own independence, which is why as soon as they sense that you are healing, that's when they will come back. I don't know how it sounds. It's like something of a horror movie. It's like the worst imaginable narrative possible. This is actually how it is in real life. This is exactly how it goes. You could have been going through this for years, decades even. All of the things you went through with them, and then you think they're finally gone. They're not coming back. It's like you can finally live your life, how you want to, without being abused. At the moment, you even try to do that and you try to move on. That is when they come back. I do think some of them see it as a game, especially the malignant narcissist. They're actually toying with you. It's like cat and mouse. They deliberately give you some space sometimes while they go off with their new supply because they already know during that time you're going to recharge. You're going to regain some of your energy and they like that. You get a little bit back just so they can crush you back down again and they will do it more than once. In fact, research shows that a narcissist will break up or discard their victim seven times before it's finally all over because they love the thrill of that. Going back and forth, building you up, breaking you down. Yes, they like that. When you get that feeling, you get that idea in your head. Yes, I'm finally free. I can finally live my life. I may have been abused for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, however long it was. But this is it. This is the moment I'm finally free. No more abuse, no more control. You get a few weeks of that if you're lucky and then, boom, the narcissist shows up again. And then a few months go by, the same thing happens again. Another few months, it happens again and again and again. Until you're emotionally crushed, you've given up. You just think, what's even the point? Because you assume they're just going to come back again. Anything you try to do, anything you try to build. It's like two kids on a beach, one child's building a sandcastle just as he finishes it. The other one comes along and kicks it down. Then he walks away. The other child starts building it again. Then he comes back again, kicks it down again. And it's like, how many more times do I have to keep trying to build my life? How many more times is it going to be broken down? And many of you give up. You just think, what's the point? Because you already know as soon as you start doing that, they're going to be back. They're going to destroy it all over again. Because that's exactly what they do. They come back only to sabotage your progress. Because that's what they don't want to see. This is why no contact is so important. You have to cut them out, lock the door and never let them back in. Because that's all they're going to do. They're just going to sabotage you again. And if you're dealing with a smear campaign, sorry to say, but for however long you're dealing with it, that's going to be your life. As I said, the two kids on the beach are building the sandcastle. They kick it down. You start building again, they kick it down again. It's just going to be upping down the rest of your life. I wish I could say something different, but this is just how narcissists get by. They need an extension of themselves. And that is you. But the joke's on there a lot of times because just look how they do. They need excessive control so that they can feel comfortable. And yet we wonder why they stay the same for the rest of their lives. But as you can probably see in my videos, they just keep getting better every year. More detailed and advanced because I do not live a life of comfort and our growth, our development happens outside of our comfort zone. You may experience a lot of success in your life, but we actually learn nothing from success. We learn everything from failure and this is why, often when you come across people who have been involved with narcissists just look at some of the YouTubers on here. I mean, they are incredible people. They're so emotionally strong. They're so intelligent. So self-aware. They're so good at communicating. These things, they learned and experienced from dealing with narcissists a lot of times. Because when you're with a narcissist it's very uncomfortable. And you experience a lot of failure. All of these things can strengthen you and lead to your success. But be careful when you're around narcissists because there is no winning with them. Anything you build just forget about everything they said. When they devalued you, they put you down. They made you feel like you're not good enough. You need to be better. Become better. Watch what they do. They want you to stay the same and in fact get progressively worse. If you get better, if you improve, if you reach or even exceed their expectations for you, that's when you will see the real problem because it will cause a narcissistic injury. And then they will be after you. Don't forget to give this video a thumbs up down below if this video is helping you. Yes, this is just how it goes. This is just the way that they are. It's like they cannot live with you. But then at the same time they cannot live without you. They most definitely cannot do that. And sometimes I wonder would they do that if they had the opportunity? You know, if there was a way for them to get supply without having to deal with people because just think about the amount of time, energy and effort that goes into it for them to ensnare a source, manipulate and groom them, devalue them to keep them under their control. Just imagine all of that effort. So that's a question, isn't it? If they could, would they just do without us? If they didn't need us for supply and they could just get it? I don't know. Just imagine a vending machine just put the coin in, press the button. There's their narcissistic supply. Would they just do that? Of course, I already know the answer. No. And the reason why is because they like the fact that we are alive. That we're living, breathing, humans. They like that we feel. Yes. They like the expressions on your face. They're watching your reactions. They love it. So they cannot do without people. They cannot do without that at all. I saw some video of how they are. I don't understand introducing, but they already are available. These dolls, these AI robots that these men are using to replace women. It would be great if narcissists could just do that and leave us alone. But no AI robot could ever replace this. They love just a human. They love it when they look and they see the feeling in your eyes. They see your expressions. I'm sure many of you are empaths and you feel a lot more than a normal person does. And they see that, they sense it and it makes them feel alive. They love it in the beginning when you're validating the illusion. You're making them feel good about themselves. You're making them feel desirable, attractive. Like they're the best thing since sliced bread. And then they love it when they insult you and put you down. They make you feel bad about yourself. They make yourself low that it's so easy for them to do that. If you're an empath, that's what you're wired to do. You're wired to just be whatever another person needs you to be so that you can make them happy. Because that's how you were raised in your childhood. It's like your parents just wanted you to give up yourself to please them, to make them happy. And we just think, that's all I have to do to gain your love, your admiration. Of course, yes, I will do that for you. Whatever you want. Because that's all we really want. Yes, we do want love. We do want to be admired, but not by these narcissists. We do not belong around them. We belong around people who can see us and appreciate us. People who will love us for being us. Because if you are an empath, yes, it's different to narcissists and how they abandoned themselves in childhood and created a false self. It's very different to that. At the core of yourself, you're still there. And of course, you're still there because you're still empathic. And that was one of the very things that they envied about us. So if you're not really you, then why is that still there? Very different to narcissists. They don't even have that part of them anymore. It's gone. But we do. And that is a very important thing. I know what it's like to be abused, to be manipulated, lied to, future faked, gaslit. Yes, I know what it's like to go through that. To go through those things, it was a horrific experience for me. I guess at times I wished I just didn't have feelings at all. That I could just be a robot. Just not feel anything like a narcissist. Just be detached from the pain. Just not have to deal with it. But actually we are very lucky to have that. Because it's kind of like a nerve in the body. We have nerves going throughout our body, through all areas. And some parts of the body, let's say, if you were to stand on a nail and it went through your foot, just imagine that. Just imagine the pain. Of course that would hurt a lot because there are a lot of nerves in your feet. And that is where the nerves end at the soles of your feet. So yes, you might experience a lot of pain if you stand on a nail and in that moment you may wish you didn't have feet. But that's the thing with nerves, painful parts of the body can also be the most pleasurable. And it's the same thing with our empathy and emotions. Yes, you may feel a lot of pain with a narcissist. But if you're around a kind, empathic person, just imagine how much pleasure and happiness you would feel. Because that's how it works. You go around a narcissist, you become more sensitive. But not only do you become sensitive to pain, but you may notice as well you become sensitive to pleasure. So that's interesting as well. I see we have a lot of different people from around the world, in the live chat. That's good to see. Someone from Brazil, an Arabic name, I don't know if you're from Saudi Arabia, an Indian fish, that's an Indian name I believe. It's good to see people from all around the world. This is a multicultural community, of course. I welcome people from all countries, all ages, all walks of life, everyone is welcome here. And of course that also includes lesbians, gays, transgenders. I don't judge everyone is welcome on my channel. And I hope that you all find the information and the support that you need. But yes, believe it or not, the narcissist hasn't gone anywhere. And most likely they will be back. It may look like they've gone. Yes, it may seem that way. But before you know it, they will be back again. And maybe more than once. Usually when they go, it's because they're entertaining a new source. That's usually why, not always, of course. But usually, narcissists cannot live without supply. Aditya Gorto asks if I'm supporting LGBT. I think I did make my personal views clear in a video before. So if people don't know, I will say, I mean, I am very open about my views. I actually do not agree with lesbianism, homosexuality, transgenderism. I don't agree with any of that at all. It's not a part of my views. I stand for heterosexuality, a man and a woman. We are all entitled to our beliefs and I understand. Of course I have viewers that are gay, that are lesbian, that are transgender. And that's completely fine with me. You are all welcome on my channel. You are entitled to your beliefs, just as I am entitled to mine. And I equally appreciate and respect people from all walks of life. Whatever you believe in, whoever you are, that doesn't matter to me. I don't believe that any of these things define us. It's just who we are on the surface. There's so much more to us than that. And I mean, you know, it's like with narcissists, isn't it? It's like they mock us, they humiliate us because we're different. And I'm sure as many victims of narcissistic abuse who are gay, who are lesbian, who are transgenders, they've experienced the mockery. And while I may not agree with these things myself and I stand for heterosexuality, I will still get on here and stand up for those people because I respect people's differences. I believe that everyone has the right to live their lives in the way that they choose. As long as it's not harming anyone. And of course, people who are gay, transgender, they're not harming me. Of course, you know, unless a gay person or a transgender comes in front of me and just flaunts themselves and I make it clear I'm not interested in transgenders. I'm not gay. And of course that is an offence and I wouldn't tolerate that kind of thing from anyone. But when it comes to friendships, associations, yes, of course I can be friends with someone who's gay, lesbian, transgender, whatever. That's fine. It doesn't really make any difference to me. We are all people and there's so much more to us than that. Of course, it doesn't define us. So yes, those are my views. Still people are asking about it in the live chat. Do I support LGBTQ? I mean, I've just made it very clear in the last 10 minutes and I can't go into it again. Just play the video back. But yeah, I think that's good for this message. The narcissist will come back in most situations. You can expect that. And you should be ready. You should be prepared for it. Thank you for the donation so what? I appreciate it. But yes, 116 live viewers only 49 thumbs ups. So let's get those thumbs up by hitting that button down below. Let's get this message out there. And I'd love to hear from you. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section down below. I'm sure that you have a lot to say in response to what I've said here in this 48 minute 48 minute video. As the narcissist come back to you. Are you worried about them coming back? Are you prepared? Let me know about your situation in the comments. And don't forget to hit that subscribe button and click the bell icon so that you will receive notifications for my future videos. And if you'd like to book on one and one with me, just go to my website. It is you can also follow me on Instagram. It's YouTube. I have pictures and videos of my travels which I post every day on there. And you can send me a message as well. I will respond. As always, thank you all for joining me on another live video. And as always, I look forward to talking in another one very soon.