 Welcome everybody to a random moment with Pastor David unfiltered. You may notice a different format for those tuning in. What we're looking to do down the road is transition into a new direction. So you may sometimes see some of our time here broken up into two segments. And so I just want to keep you informed of that. But today, Pastor, I wanted to ask a little bit about, a couple of weeks ago, one of your messages was on brokenness. And on our website, we were able to post a sermon jam on that. And I wanted to ask, as you mentioned brokenness, it has a lot of attributes. It has betrayal, disappointments, pain, hurt. And during those times, Pastor, I wanted to ask you specifically, has there ever been a time, whether it's been in ministry as a pastor, or just in your walk with Christ, that you ever wanted to walk away from it? Yeah, I was mentioning to you earlier that every Sunday I want to walk away from my ministry. So yeah, I think it's very common for a minister or somebody who the Lord is about to use or is using. It's very common for the Lord to allow them to enter into a time or a season where there is a refining that can take place and perhaps even a spiritual question that is posed by the Lord in a variety of ways that would answer to what took place in John chapter 6 in the Gospel of John, where after Jesus had spoken to those who were following after him some fair-weather disciples, and he had said to them that they were to eat his flesh and drink of his blood, and they said, this is a hard saying. Who can understand it? And they walked away, and at that particular point, Jesus turned to his disciples and said to them, do you also want to go away? And so that question has been posed to me in a very literal sense early in my walk with the Lord. I was only a few years old in Christ at that time. I was already teaching Bible studies. I was already going to Bible college. I was preparing for a future in ministry. And I went through a disappointment that at that time was the most profound pain that I'd ever felt in my life. And I went through a very strong season of severe depression. I now consider it to be similar to what is referred to as PTSD. It was such a numbing, shocking, painful experience. And it's never been repeated even up to this point. It's never been repeated. I haven't gone through a pain like that since then. But yes, I remember going through it and it was very hurtful. I began to just remain in my bedroom. I wouldn't come out of the room. I only came out because I was still teaching studies. And then I'd go back and just stay in my bedroom. I can remember more than one day just sitting on my bed with my back against the wall and crying almost all day sometimes. It was the most terrible pain I've ever felt, John. At that time I felt what's the point in continuing. I'm obviously not a called man. I'm obviously not capable of carrying such a ministry burden. And so I gave up. I gave up in many ways. But still for some reason, it was all the Lord now, I see it. I still remained reading and all, but it was for other people. It wasn't for me. I would read and prepare and share and I had this attitude, God answers prayer for you, but he won't for me. It was very real. And one day on my own I picked up the Bible. I was seated in my parents' den and I just casually opened the Bible and I thought I ought to read for myself. And I got into John 6 and then I stopped at that point where the question was asked, do you also want to go away? And I remember closing the Bible on my lap and leaving my thumb in the place but saying to the Lord, where am I going to go? I gave up my friends. I yielded up everything that was who I was. I've given that all up and I was crying and I said, I've gone to Bible college because I want to serve you. I have nothing to return to. Where am I going to go away to? And so I didn't anticipate the continuation of the conversation. I just had one of those moments where I sensed that the Spirit of God through that word was speaking to my heart. So I said, where can I go? And I opened it up and then that's when the apostle Peter said, Lord, to whom shall we go? Where can we go? You have the words of eternal life. And I remember, John, at that point it was one of those moments where the Holy Spirit was so very real and so very personal. And I just, I wept and I said, where can I go? Where can I go? You have the words of eternal life. And that was where God met me in my lowest and deepest, most pain-filled moment. I was going to walk away. I was ready to. I had told my mother whom I had led to faith in Christ. I had said to her, it's good for those who believe, mom. I said, it's good for you. She said, David, you brought me to faith in Jesus. And I said, it works for others, but it doesn't work for me. I was that low. And it was the Word of God, which is giving, it should give those who know me in my ministry. Another glimpse or another insight into why I insist that we need to know His Word. He sent His Word, the scripture says, and He healed them. And healing comes through the power of the Word of God because it's deep calling unto deep. It's the Word, God's Word by His Spirit that settles deep into the inner man and brings broken heart to a place of healing. So yes, I most definitely have wanted to quit ministry, but God made it very clear that He was there even in my deepest hurt. And so I think after that, there have been times when I have felt abandoned by people in our church. Sometimes people don't realize how painful their words can be. The gossip that Marie and I have gone through for so many years by so many people who go off to other churches and talk about me and invite people out of my church to go to theirs. You can imagine, John, I mean, I've been ministering here for 41 years. How many people do you think have left because I didn't do something that they wanted or I wasn't whom they thought they had created in their mind that I was? I can't tell you, but I can tell you that it happens still to this day where people have been very vicious. Not all Christians are kind. Not all Christians even know what the word love is. And then it shows itself. But if I were to hear now try to minister to those who loved me, then that would be a very small group of people. So I just ministered to those whom the Lord places before me. And I made a decision even as I was sharing recently in a Bible study that it's not whether people love the minister. It's whether the minister loves the people. And so I've asked the Lord to give me love for people. You know, regardless of whether it's reciprocated. And that's a safe place for me. And I think it's the best place for me as a minister and as a human being to love in spite of the fact that you don't get loved in return. It's not so much that it's okay. It's something you adapt to. So I haven't for many years truly considered stepping out of ministry because where would I go and what would I do? My entire life for over 50 years has been centered on who Jesus is and what he does in people's lives. And that's the best place to be. You know, going back to what, and that's amazing because I'm learning that things can be so discouraging. And you're jokingly chuckling about wanting to quit on Sunday, every Sunday. But I can, I get a small glimpse on Tuesdays I want to quit every Tuesday morning. And they want you to. They do. They're like begging me to quit. Stop, stop. Please stop. We'll come just to hear you stop. We want the burritos going out here. Thank you guys for tuning in part one on leaving the ministry. Just want to remind you that we have our Sunday morning services at 8.30 and 10.45. I hope you can come out as Pastor David has taken us through the book of Mark.