 There are two styles of communication, violent and nonviolent, and a whole spectrum in between. Violent communication is coercive, manipulative, and it hurts. It includes making generalizations and a use of language that induces fear, shame, or guilt. It is often ineffective since it diverts our attention away from clarifying our actual needs and distracts us from solving the actual conflict. Nonviolent communication is based on the idea that we all share universal human desires such as the need for trust, safety, and appreciation. It allows us to empathize and think clearly, and as a result reach a better and more honest understanding of each other. Nonviolent communication follows four steps, observation, feeling, needs, and requests. To understand how it works, let's imagine a college student being late for class. Old Jay, her former teacher, would usually have just said, and here she comes again, lay down. In class, he would then give her a hard time, and after, as his form of punishment, a bunch of senseless assignments. Then, both would feel bad for the rest of the day. New Jay, who's her current teacher, learned about nonviolent communication and knows that it begins with a clear observation. During observation, he tries noticing concrete facts, things that happen at that very moment. New Jay jots down that Ann arrived 20 minutes late and that his pulse is up, possibly a sign of stress. When focusing on his feelings, New Jay connects with his heart and can learn to understand various underlying emotions. This is important because what seems to be anger might in fact be sadness. During this step, it is essential to distinguish feelings from thoughts. After class, New Jay shares his observation and explains to Ann that he feels disrespected when someone is late for his class. Knowing his needs is important because it allows him to enrich his life and feel at peace. If we disregard our needs or don't live up to our values, we experience stress and frustration. Understanding that we all have universal human needs is perhaps the most important step in the process. New Jay tells Ann that they should find a way to respect each other's values and desires. Lastly, there is the request, which clarifies what future New Jay wants for himself and this relationship. Clear requests are hence crucial to a transformative communication. When we ask for concrete actions, we often find creative ways to ensure that everyone's needs are met. New Jay asks Ann not to come to class at all if she happens to run later than one minute. Marshall Rosenberg, who developed the model, liked to show the differences between the communication styles with two animals. The jackal was a symbol of aggression, dominance and violent communication. The giraffe with his long neck and big heart represents a clear-sided and compassionate speaker and non-violent communication style. All of violence, Rosenberg wrote, is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished. What are your thoughts on this model? Share your thoughts in the comments below and check the description for more details and interesting links about the topic. Teachers from all around the world can use them in classrooms, online courses or to start projects and today, thousands already do. To learn how it works and download this video without ads or background music, check out our website or read the description below. If you want to support our mission and help change education, visit our Patreon, that's patreon.com slash Sprouts.