 Welcome to the video! Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho! Yeah! I've never done that before. Tell me if you think it's funny. Actually, just... Don't tell me. I don't want to know. I don't want to know if it's negative criticism. I can't take it. It hurts my soul. So, today we're going to be talking about how to make friends. Fun. Very fun and not patronizing video for all you people out there who just like to look up on YouTube how to do stuff, how to get around life, how to, I don't know, learn how to brush your teeth upside down or something kind of weird. Yeah, it's not right. It's not right. Just ignore it. Today we're going to be talking about how to make friends as an autistic person, which sounds very simple. It's a lot more simple to explain it, which is why I'm doing it, rather than helping someone individually or actually making friends, which is the difficult part. So the main issue with having autism and making friends is that, number one, you're a very different person. Your brain works a lot differently to theirs. You work on a more logical, I know I say logical a lot. Just go with it. But you work on a more logical level. So it means that a lot of your speeches is very to the point when you say you want to do something or you ask someone if they want something, then you mean that. You're not just trying to test them to see if they feel differently about it or something. It can make it very difficult to start a dialogue, especially if they don't know that you're autistic. And the thing is, is that it would probably help if they knew that you're autistic and they knew quite a bit about it. But if you're just meeting them first hand and you start talking about autism and you just go, hi, my name is Tom and I have a special needs. And I'm autistic. Be my friend. I need it. Because that's not how people work. Sadly, I've gone many years thinking that if you just do it enough, if you just say why you want to be friends with someone enough and the reasons, then someone's going to be like, he's got it. He's a mastermind. He's broken the code. He's getting straight down to it. Let's be friends. And sometimes that does work and sometimes people run with it, but in the long term it can get a bit, it doesn't work to be honest. So today I'm going to be decoding the mind of neurotypicals, normal autistics, confusing creatures. And I'm going to be diving into some ways that you can help yourself. I'm going to give you some therapy. I'm going to give some beautiful therapy from my mouth and I will talk and put sound into your ears. I don't even know what that accent is. Hey! You want to know how to make some friends? I do! So, number one, this is going to be a little bit like a five-step process of how to make friends, how to be sociable. So, we're going to be talking about real life. That real stuff, boy. Number one, this is called Building Your Confidence. This is called understanding how it feels to initiate conversation with somebody and that it's okay to feel nervous about it. Because the thing is, things don't really get easier unless you're just having a really good day and you feel confident or you've drank an excess of recreational type beverages. So the first thing is making conversation with people. This is a very easy thing to say to do but it's not exactly that easy to do it. Especially if you're overthinking it a lot and you're looking for videos on how to make friends. You can do this in literally any situation. The best places that you can go to are hairdressers. That's usually a good one. Market, coffee shops. I'm talking about talking to the people who are paid to talk to. This is not making friends. This is just a little stepping stone. You're going to get used to just making comments about things that don't really have any context or matter, which is a big thing for us. Getting used to that kind of thing is a very important step to socializing on a regular basis and making friends. And this sort of comfortability it gets easier the more you do it in a certain way. So if you were to whether it's a bit rubbish, isn't it? Or just make a comment on the products that you're buying or what's good, what's your favorite coffee? Be my friend. But this type of thing is just getting used to the anxiety of talking to people and making comments that don't really seem to matter and you don't want to talk about which you have to do. It's not going to get easier the more you do it you just get used to the feeling that you get when you start talking to somebody. You've got this thing in your mind where you're thinking they're going to look at me in a weird way or get freaked out kind of thing and even if that did happen it doesn't really matter you don't even know them. You could be talking to Gerald from Computer Warehouse and he just kind of gives you a funny look or he just speaks to you in a weird way. Who cares? It's Gerald screw Gerald you're working on yourself boy go homey So that's the first step getting your confidence, getting used to that feeling of not knowing where this one is going to punch you in the face because you say hi to them. Best thing to do is not to go up and say hi it's good to just jump straight into it that's the best way. So now on stage 2 you used to this kind of thing you know what's going to happen you know what you're going to feel you want to put yourself in the best situation possible to make friends and for an autistic person or something that you're interested in for example dodgeball you know it's not a very competitive thing unless you're some dodgeball person who likes chucking balls at people don't know what you get up to in your spare time just a dodgeball be chucking your balls about So this is a very good place for autistics because you know the context you know what's happening this is a first time event and the first time this club has been set up or the first time in a year or something you go to it everybody doesn't know everybody best opportunity for you to talk to people because everyone wants to socialise that's where they go to it they're not going there to be dodgeball world champion and having some nubes with their squishy balls So again you're just going to use the same technique you used in the first one to make conversation not way from immediately that's a bit weird isn't it it's a very difficult thing maybe not I don't know best thing to do is talk about the subject talk about dodgeball you know you could just say I look cool, I thought I'd come down just say why you did it even make friends you just thought oh I'm new here I want to come make some friends look at some people who like dodgeball do you like dodgeball and that's going to be the best situation and so you're going to want to talk about the subject as much as possible so this means that you're getting over your understanding that after a while of talking to someone about something or whatever the anxiety that comes from initiating sort of you know peaks maybe it stays there for maybe a couple of hours a few minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes still going to feel a bit weird it gets easier as you go on with it and if you're doing something sporty it means you're going to be releasing all those good feel, good chemicals in your brain and you're going to feel socially looped looped up to be talking to people socially anyway so that's number two now that you have passed the initiation and you understand that it's going to get better over time if you're doing this a few times you know go about it, you talk to the same person you can also see that maybe it's getting easier to start initiating with them because you're comfortable you know they're not going to hate you they know you, you know them everything's good, everything's good in La Da La everything's hunky-dory number three is getting to know somebody so now that you've talked about a subject that you may or may not like or may like or whatever they're going to roll with this dodge ball sketch here maybe you've talked about dodge ball a few times you've chucked some dodge balls at them and they've chucked some at you and you're having fun you're going to want to start you know taking the conversation away from the subject you're not going to go and say like what's your postcode or what's your address you just say like where are you from if they said you're around here I was like cool like and then they talk about it you ask questions almost as if it's an interrogation but not in a way that you would do it in an interrogation obviously oh yeah yeah I come from Scarbeck where, where in Scarbeck what's your postcode address no you don't want to be doing that you want to be just flipping as possible just trying to pace yourself when you're talking look around if they're playing dodge ball maybe you could space out the conversation through intermittent times in the dodge ball session this is not just a course about dodge ball by the way it's for any situation any club some anime club probably stay away from those places you're going to want to know about them what do they do they're a student they have a job, they're kids ask them about that you're going to want to stay in that phase of talking to someone for as long as possible to be honest don't go like adding them on facebook and start messaging them every night just like seeing them at the place seeing them at the dodge ball place I'd say if I was going to put a timeline on it you want to go from about maybe a month maybe quite hard if you're feeling lonely you want to get this social train on the roll but you can talk to lots of people you can do the same thing with a lot of people maybe there's a bit of a group so you can talk to people in the group after that you know here comes stage number 4 number 4 we're so high this is number 5 we're nearly there we're going to make that stretch number 4 you're going to want to add them on facebook now that I think about it if they suggest that they want to add you on facebook or you know if you're interested in the same events just don't try and push it too much but at this stage you want to exchange contact numbers but not just because you want to exchange contact numbers there needs to be a reason for it not because you like them that's weird, you can't just like people you can do just ignore me I'm full of rubbish I ain't got no friends now that you've got someone in your radar that you think is a cool person again don't go messaging them every night that's weird don't go messaging them every 2 days don't get into any sort of habit where you've got a little timer going you've got little alerts on your calendar saying I'll talk to them at this space not for 2 days don't do that you're going to want to talk to them for a reason at any point if you haven't seen them for a long time you can say hey how are you doing have a nice little conversation and then end it but most of the time you're going to want to talk about something that's related to real life so if there's a dodgeball social that's going to be going on you know you can just message them and say you're going to the social and be like hey yeah I'll come too and any sort of other thing there's a party going on in the area I don't know you want to go trampolining something like that maybe you could get a bit of a group together it really does depend on the type of person you want to make sure that there's something that you like and if there's probably someone that you like they're probably going to be called trampolining if they like dodgeball trampolining dodgeball it's the future the future now you're on terms your friends you are classified as friends you don't need to ask them you don't need to say it's a box sign off your mother's made name and credit card number don't make sure that this is all legitimate and we're friends you don't need to ask them at this kind of point you want to be like you probably slipped it in a few times you can say you know I'm autistic all that kind of stuff you can say maybe it depends on the person but if you're feeling it then so you've had fun you've met up a few times all that kind of stuff it sounds like a dating video but it's really not and it sounds like it though doesn't it you probably could use this as a dating video new video upload the same video with this different title but yeah now that you've got a little group together all of you like certain things you know what they like so if you see something that they might like you say hey do you want to go so it looks cool don't push it too much to say I'm gonna go and if you want to come along yeah be fun, be good yeah so this comes to the last stage which is good friends or you want to say best friends best friends sounds a bit too intimidating and weird but yeah if you're good friends this means probably if you're around my age 20s or something and above to be honest I'm going to be meeting them maybe like once every two weeks as a minimum I guess it can be more obviously if you've got some stuff going on then there's more chances to meet you know if you're studying you could say I just want to get together we could have a study session all that kind of malarkey just remember there has to be a reason for everything in general if you're really good friends and you know there's starting to get more of a two-way sort of emotional relationship with somebody you maybe start to tell them a bit more about your autism and stuff like that and they may start getting on friend basis and stuff still don't message them every night that's not a cool thing to do don't do it, stop get your fingers off those keyboards people have this idea in their head that they're gonna get like a 20 or 20, sounds weird best friend or something like that they're gonna hang out with them every two days or anything like that it's not realistic maybe you might get to that stage but don't push it it's the end of the video what are you doing here get out of there get your shoes on strap over those booties get them on get your socks on put a t-shirt on like it's embarrassing put a t-shirt on don't listen to anything I say that's the message but do do everything that I say in the next little bit if you liked this video, if you found it helpful if it set your mind straight forward you know maybe a bit of a hard hitter maybe it might be quite hard I don't understand because I used to be quite like that until I realised you can have more you don't have to have one you can talk to other people and the more you do this the more comfortable you get with it but just try and stay relaxed as possible people like relaxed people if you liked the video don't like it that's what I'm saying don't like the video don't you dare get your finger off that nope, like the like button it's getting too much abuse guys don't don't click the like button and don't click that subscribe button don't hit that subscribe button and don't you ever hit that little dingy little dingy bell don't do that just don't stop it thanks very much guys this has been Asperger's Growth and I'll see you guys in the next video ladies