 It ain't May 40 here. So 12-step recovery is a tricky thing. So there are programs where it's obvious such as if you're an overeater and you're 100 pounds overweight and there are a lot of people who've gone through the steps in some 12-step eating program and five, six, ten years later, they're still 100 pounds overweight. So from an outside perspective, it seems fairly clear that their recovery is a losery. Then there are people in AA and they've worked the 12-steps and they've stopped drinking and so that's black and white. That's absolutely clear. So cocaine, anonymous marijuana, non-anonymous, these substance programs it can be really clear. It's black or white. You have recovery you don't. You stop drinking, you stop drugging. It's clear you don't recover enough. But then there are sex addiction programs where there are more rigorous and more relaxed approaches to sex addiction. So I think sexaholics anonymous is the most, probably the most rigorous. So it aims for the complete elimination of lust from your life and only sex within marriage. So clear bottom lines in a program like sexaholics anonymous, so it's clear whether you're in recovery or not. But then when it comes to things like recovery from under-earning, it becomes more ambiguous. And I notice people who've worked the 12-steps in one of the 12-step money programs. So there's debt as anonymous, under-earners anonymous, financial under-earners anonymous, workaholics anonymous. So I've noticed people who've worked the steps and they still are not earning money. So what separates people who do the work, who work the steps, who are in the program, who earn from those who do the work and they're still not earning? And I was just ruminating on that. What separates the winners from the losers? And so I think one thing is that the winners stick with the winners. So this is a common statement in 12-step programs, is stick with the winners. So you need to be careful of people who drag you down, who are just terminally depressed, who are not making progress, like people who are under-earning or debting. There's a stench about them and you should be able to pick up that stench and separate yourself unless these people are committed to recovery and to overcoming their under-earning. So try to think about what separates the winners from the losers. And one thing I notice is an edge. There's an edge to people with real recovery who are earning real money that they won't put up with the BS, right? And being nice is not their number one value. They're willing at times to put other values ahead of being nice. So they usually have a lot on their plate. So I had a sponsor in a 12-step money program who was earning about a quarter million dollars a year and she was working 60, 70 hours a week. So she was very busy yet she took a few hours of her week to sponsor people but she wasn't going to put up with any BS. She was earning good money. She had a very full schedule and I was always prepared. I always had my homework. I always showed up and it would usually mean that I'd have to get up at 4 a.m. That was the only time that she had available to talk to me. So I noticed that people who are earning real money, they tend to be decisive. They tend to have an edge and they're not people pleases. They have priorities higher than being nice. So greetings to Bernard Brydson. He is off work for another three weeks. And how are you going to use this time productively, Bernard? Let us know. And then another thing I notice, the difference between people who are winning with regard to earning and losing is distraction. I noticed that the winners with regard to earning, they don't struggle with distraction. So I knew this guy multiple and very impressive academic degrees and he had a really good job and he had a wife and kids in a position in the community but he struggled with playing computer games at work. And I think almost all my sponsors in 12-step money programs have struggled with distraction. They want to read the LA Times while they're at work. They want to play computer games. They want to distract themselves from their responsibilities. So that's a big difference between people who are winning and people who are losing is that I noticed that people who are winning don't struggle with distraction. They have their work. They have their obligations and they have their projects and they just dive into them and they just get things done. It's like boom, boom, boom. So let's say you're an attorney and you've got 100 cases. So you come in and you like, where am I with these 100 cases today? And so you get clear about the 100 cases that you're processing and you sit down every day and so you know where you're at. So you know where this case is at and this case is at. Are we collecting records? Are we headed for litigation? Are we assembling a demand package? Do we need to locate witness statements or whatever? They're very on top of things. So I noticed that between the winners and the losers is that the winners are on top of everything that they need to be on top of. So if they have employees, they're on top of what their employees are doing. And if they have money, they're on top of what their money is doing, they know where their time is going. And then other people, they work the 12 steps but they're just distracted. They're watching Luke forward when they should be working. So Bernard says, I'm going to read some. I'm going to drink some. I'm going to cook some. I'm going to try to find a girlfriend, but I'm kind of at a loss about how I'm going to do that. So the number one way to find a girlfriend is to be social, to be out there and to be connecting with people and to be in a crowd and making friends, developing friends, deepening friendships. So girlfriends usually come from that. I mean, you go to synagogue, you go to a party, you go pursue a hobby, but you don't usually get a girlfriend leading a solitary life. So almost all good things are going to happen to us through our connections with other people. Prosperity happens to us through our connections with other people. People employ us or do business with us because in part they like us, not just that we're competent, but they like us. We get a girlfriend because we're out there, we're in the mix, we're comfortable with other people. And when our social status is diving, women in particular pick up on that very quickly. Like no woman wants to attach herself to a man with low social status. I remember there was this woman that I had an on and off thing with for a year or two and she came to my synagogue once Sabbath and then she stuck around for the lunch afterward and then she got up to leave and I said, I'll walk you out. And she said, no, don't, because she could pick up the vibes that I was very low status in that community, that people have kind of turned away from me, that people were kind of looking at me as scans, that people were keeping their distance from me. And she just picked up on that and she didn't want to be associated with the stink of my under ironing with my social dysfunction. So when you're out there and in a community and people are glad to see you and you have an important role to play and you're building connections with people, then it's going to be one, a tremendous source of energy. And then two, that energy is going to have a transforming effect on you so that you become a much more attractive person if you don't have the energy that comes from social interactions. So we get much of our energy, maybe most of our emotional energy from successful interactions with other people. I mean, we get on the same page with others. We are joined in some kind of common project or common cause with other people. And we move in, there's some kind of synchronicity, there's a rhythm in our interactions with other people. So we're not constantly interrupting them, they're not constantly interrupting us, but there's not long pauses either. So long pauses in a conversation is usually the kiss of death. So Bernard, I've got a work gathering next Friday for new employees going to go do that. That could maybe be good. Wow, Bernard, that sounds really decisive, bro. You're just killing it. You're killing it, bro. You have a work gathering next Friday for new employees. That's off the hook. Bro, most people spend eight hours a day around other people. So if you're not at work, how many hours a day are you spending around other people? Life is with other people. So I mean, I think you're Norwegian. I think Norwegians are about these religious people in the world, but there's got to be some group, some social setting, some ways that you can increase interaction with other people. So don't fish off the company dad, bro. So I remember talking to a therapist and I was telling him I was spending about an hour around other people. I'd go to synagogue in the morning and that would essentially be my social interaction for the day. So I was telling him I'd spend an hour around other people a day and my therapist said, well, normal person spends like eight hours plus around other people. I've been in rotation for 14 days of work. I'm going to have some days off other people. Are there people in your life who you don't need to have time off from? I mean, days of solitude. It does not sound like a winning formula. So anyway, this is what I noticed about people who are earning and people who aren't earning is there's a decisiveness that people are earning and they're not distracted because they're passionately engaged in their projects. So people who are earning, they generally speaking have no time for people who are into drama. So drama is usually a substitute for achievement. If you're not achieving, if you're not proud of your work, if you're not proud of what you're accomplishing, you have to fill that hole. If you're just a drone, just going through the motions, showing up at the office 40 hours a week, either in person or virtually and you're not getting much meaning and purpose and excitement and pride from your work, that's going to leave an enormous hole in your soul that most people in that situation are going to try to fill with drama. But successful people, they avoid people who are dramatic. Successful people don't need distraction. They don't need drama. They don't need dysfunction. They don't need dealing with other people's nonsense because they have things that they want to accomplish. They want to make money. They want to move this project forward. They want to learn this language. So people who are earning shy away from under earners, they shy away from drama. They have an edge to them. They're busy. They're enthused. They have energy. That's the other thing that I noticed between people who are earning and people who aren't earning is that people who are earning have energy and a confidence that you can't fake. So there are lots of people who aren't earning who are very nice and they may see all the right things, but there will lack the deep confidence that comes from earning. And there will lack the confidence that comes from having a full life connected with other people. Good thing to get a new video. Some walk and talk, secure, recall a sponsorship. I like the great links. Thank you. Thank you, Arbel. So yeah, I noticed an energy, a confidence and an edge and a decisiveness to people who are earning an unwillingness to be distracted, an unwillingness to participate in drama, and an unwillingness to live in isolation. So all the successful earning people, I know they're not isolated. They're connected with other people because all our prosperity comes from others. So we have to live an interconnected life and manage that appropriately. So for example, I volunteer eight to 15 hours a week, but I do it at set times and I don't allow it to bleed over. So I work with sponsors for an hour or two in mornings, but then that's it. I turn my phone off to them. I'm not taking their calls during the day because I'm earning money and working. I have certain times on weekends where I volunteer, so I have certain commitments, but these are all limited because I'm not going to allow myself to return to old Luke who would spend a lot of time obsessed with other people, distracted by other people's problems. I would get high from rescuing people. So there was this woman I was dating and she was living on a sister's couch and it was just so intoxicating to me that I could, she was cute and cleaned her up, brought her home, brought her back to my place. She essentially moved in with me and she would go everywhere I wanted to go. And she was just happy to fit in with me. And for the first few months, it was just absolutely intoxicating to have this cute, pretty, you know, young woman who just, you know, wanted to pal around with me. But her dysfunction eventually started to feel like a millstone around my neck. So I've absolutely known the intoxicating high of rescuing other people. And I've also known the intoxicating high of being rescued. So I remember when I was a kid, I'd be, we didn't have a telephone in our home. And on Saturday nights after the Sabbath, sometimes my friend, my best friend in his family would drive by and pick me up to go to some social occasion. And so I'd often be sitting at home on a Saturday night hoping that my friends would come by and pick me up. And that's kind of kind of been a metaphor for much of my life. I have depended upon my friends to pick me up and take me to social engagements. That I was like the, the lost dog that the various people have adopted over the course of my life. And I remember at a tribute to Kathy Sype, the late writer, someone like Moxie said that Kathy had a habit of rescuing stray dogs. And then like she was looking at me, you know, I had that that personality of the stray dog. So sometimes when I'd go interview people, I wouldn't dress very well. And they'd pick up that I had this, you know, lost dog mentality. And they'd say, Hey, you know, put on a nice shirt next time you go interview someone, you know, it looked like you've had a check and you've put it in the bank. And I remember for those interviews, I hadn't had a check in many, many months. I was, I was living off the sale of Luke forward.com, which I sold for $25,000 and enabled me to spend a year just interviewing movie producers for my, my eventual book, The Producers Profiles and Frustration, but they could pick up the vibe that I had not cashed a check in a long time. Bye-bye.