 So there are three primary reasons that in a romantic relationship you get jealous. Now the good part is you can change all of these things, but you can't change it, okay, if you don't examine it and if you don't want to do the work or change your jealousy problems. I think we can all agree that feeling jealous in a romantic relationship is one of the worst feelings. It can sometimes feel just uncontrollable and before we know it we've spiraled completely out of control and before you know it when you continue doing that within a relationship it can become this ugly awful cycle that you just can't seem to break out of and that is why I'm here to make this video because vulnerability on the table I've been there one too many times. Now here's the tough part to hear though, okay. The majority of the time we blame our jealousy on the other person, but in reality it is our fault. You are jealous because of you. So let's dive into the first one which really is self love, self confidence, self worth. You know like loving ourselves it's like it should be the easiest damn thing to do right? Like oh I love myself, I accept myself. Shit's hard. You know like it's a hard thing to actually do and you know like you know when you are around someone and they truly just love themselves. Not like a cocky or even further like a narcissistic way but just genuinely like love and appreciate themselves for you know who they are and especially I feel like those like myself and maybe a little older and obviously younger that have grown up in this social media era where we're bombarded okay by people that look, they look like they are more beautiful, they have more money, they have a better life, they have a better relationship and the ironic part of this is like we all know it's bullshit by now right? Like we all know that social media is someone's highlight reel. We know logically that they may not be any better off than we are in whatever scenario but the dumb part about it is it doesn't stop us from comparing ourselves to them. So of course when we're always comparing ourselves to other people we're gonna feel less than in some way and so when we feel that way we we project that onto our partners and we subconsciously assume that they're going to want that person instead of us too. Look like there's there's always there's always going to be someone better than you than me then whoever in some way like it's just there's what 8 million people now but that being said that doesn't take away your uniqueness your little quirks you know your little mannerisms your little things and that's why your partner loves you and is attracted to you it's not because you're this cookie cutter version of every single freaking person on tiktok or instagram or whatever and we all know what i'm talking about okay they all look goddamn same like your partner is with you because of your quirks because of your differences you really need to learn to love yourself and all of your flaws i know it's a fucking bitch all right i know it's hard okay but like this one thing in itself this will alleviate like 90 plus percent of your jealousy issues i promise okay because i've been there and i feel that i'm very much on the other side now ask any of my friends okay they don't tell you that i was a psycho bitch back in college becoming confident in your own skin and what you have to offer within a relationship is really the key here and you know i'm sure you know for instance a lot of you have probably heard of the saying you can't be happy in a relationship if you were not happy alone and the reason for that is because when we rely on our relationship and on our partner solely to reassure us it comes from the outside so so it can kind of like fall away you know you need you need it to come from the inside so that you really feel it you and your partner could be walking down the street and someone that you not necessarily them but someone that you perceive to be let's say more attractive than you can shake shit up can rock the boat can make you feel some type of insecurity or jealousy or whatever and that's because you're relying on the outside so the outside is going to affect you within that way it's going to be easy for something to shake shit up within you okay so you have to love yourself from the inside out because what you're doing then is you're you're giving the power of your relationship away to something outside of the relationship to someone who probably has no fucking idea who you even are like how dumb does that sound when i say that and i don't mean that in a mean way i mean i don't mean it in a mean way because i've been there but like i'm just gonna tell you how it is like how stupid is that that you know you're in a a year long two three whatever your relationship and someone walking down the street can shake that up like come on like do you really want a relationship that that's easy to shake when you can change that like be real here and if i'm giving you some hard food so far and you're you're relating to what i'm saying please don't forget to like and subscribe so practice self-love in a mirror do affirmations journal about how amazing you are and and do this on repeat until you start to believe it okay when you look in the mirror instead of saying oh you know i wish my hair was a little fuller wow my hair is fucking awesome you but also like i want to i want to make it clear that you should never be afraid to ask for a little bit of reassurance from your partner you should feel comfortable being vulnerable with them and letting them know that you're feeling this way without accusing them of being the reason that you feel that way does that make sense and on top of changing on the inside and learning to love yourself and look i might get some heat for this whatever don't don't listen then if you don't feel comfortable with your appearance for whatever reason change it like change it yes you should love yourself as you are but that doesn't mean that it's a negative thing to want to change or alter or improve something with your physical appearance if doing that is going to make you feel more confident and attractive and whatever then do it sorry i'm getting a little aggressive here i'll tell you guys some personal experience like i am much more confident in who i am one way more so because i've worked on my insides and actually like loving myself um but you know when i am consistently in the gym which is pretty much all the time more so when i'm actually following my diet not eating a ton of sugar all the time because i love that shit but like that's just the fact for me and and there's just so many other things and i'm not going to go into all of that and how exercise and diet and blah blah affects so many other things and just your physical appearance we all know that shit all right you know like i'm not i'm not going into that but the bottom line is like go get your nails and if that's going to make you feel confident go get a blowout go get a spray tan go to the gym like whatever you want to do but also understand if you're only chasing after physical things then you're still going to get triggered by physical things and other people so i think it's really this balancing act here let's call it like a 80 20 okay like 80 percent inside that's where your focus should be in like 20 outside can we do that the second reason you may tend to feel jealous in a romantic relationship is due to past experiences look i've been there i dated someone in college who cheated on me a lot now i only knew about it twice until after we broke up and i found out that it was a lot okay so look i get it and i've been there and i understand now some of you may think well okay well so and so cheat on you why don't you just leave them my answer to that is c number one of this video lack of self-worth lack of self-confidence chasing people pleasing all of those things that come with that the bottom line is if if we're cheated on or something happens in our past relationships it's it's difficult okay like it's difficult not to think that that's going to happen again but honestly that is not fair to your partner at all at all when you're down that path of jealousy okay i want you to stop yourself before you spiral and i want you to trace it back and if it's if it's from a past experience i want you to ask yourself if you're being fair to your partner in thinking this way if they haven't done anything right like you know an easy way to do this is to flip the script like how would you feel if your partner was blaming you accusing you making you out to be someone who you're not because of someone that you probably don't know that's from their past you have to realize that there's no correlation there not all men are the same not all women are the same and just because you had this experience in the past doesn't mean you're going to have that experience now point blank it's not fair to that person and you shouldn't be blaming them and questioning them and accusing something because of something that your past partner did that's bullshit and again i get it and i've been there because that's how you what that is a surefire way to sabotage your current relationship and do you really want to sabotage a relationship that's good because of something in the past and someone who's hopefully not in your life anymore like again how dumb does that sound and again if this is something you're struggling with you need to be open with your partner so that they can understand what you were going through and be supportive with you as you're going through this journey of trying to heal and love yourself and not blame the person that you're with with this person like they should understand what you're going through like be open with them but then you actually need to make the change and change your belief system that not everyone you date is going to cheat on you my mom a divorce lawyer okay said always said to me if you're going to accuse someone over and over and over again for something they didn't do then why wouldn't they do it makes sense right if you're already getting blamed you might as well do it and the last reason you may be feeling jealous in your relationship is because there is an inability to trust your current partner and that is a very real thing maybe they did cheat on you maybe they cheated on someone else in one of their previous relationships maybe you found messages or they were out somewhere where they shouldn't have been like there are a million reasons why you wouldn't trust the partner that you're currently with for whatever reason this person did something to cause you to lose your trust in them you might be thinking well sara you said in the beginning of the video that all these things can't be changed but this is something that someone else did and if this is the case you have two options first option continue being with them you know um this one's tricky though because if you truly forgive and move on and believe that whatever the instance was won't happen again it is your responsibility to move on and trust them and not hold that thing against them personally it's not something i could do but maybe there are some of you out there that truly can and i applaud you for being able to do that and the second thing you can do leave if you're like me and you know that you couldn't fully move past something like that that you couldn't move past something fully if it broke your trust then you need to move on there's literally no reason to stay in a relationship with someone if you can't trust them period and honestly most times that's the case i've seen it a million times from my own life and my own relationships from friends from family and again mom's a divorce lawyer i've seen it all so if you can't move fully on from this and regain your trust 100% you need to move on that's just it move on leave i know it's hard it's worth it i promise find that self worth and that self love within yourself and eventually you will find someone who won't do that to you okay if you found some value in this video please consider subscribing because it would really help me out i love you guys so so much and don't forget be limitlessly yourself