 The Makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring that celebrated actor Mr. J. Carol Nash with Alan Reed as Pasquale. Friends, the Makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. Now Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in Italy. Mommy, right now is the start of the holiday season in America and for me it's to bring back a lot of nice memories. I'm gonna remember my first Thanksgiving in America in November 1948 and Pasquale made a big 20-pound turkey to celebrate. I'm never gonna forget how as a daughter Rossa started nibbling on the turkey before dinner. That night Rossa was a 20-pounder heavy and we had a Thanksgiving dinner for getting a meatball. Here's my mommy, I'm gonna feel the happiest in this great American holiday season and tonight I'm feeling especially happy because now they're celebrating what's called Halloween. And this holiday you don't celebrate to some big American, you don't buy the presents for nobody, you don't eat a turkey, you just go around and ring the doorbells. That's if you're a little boy or a little girl. You should see how they dress up like clowns, witches and egyptians. When they knock on your door and they say, trick or treat, if you give them a candy that's called a treat and if you don't that's called a trick, they'll out of break of the window. But that's never gonna happen to me mom and me, and on my way to the night school tonight I'm gonna buy a whole big bag of candy in a tuner gum and when they come to knock on my door tonight, I'm gonna be a regular Santa Claus. Well, first time I got to my night to school. America, I love you, you like a papa to me, from old time to new. All right, start the school, I miss, I miss. All right class, quiet please, I'll call the roll. Mr. Basco, Mr. Howard, Mr. Olson, Mr. Schultz. Who are we in a rot? Mr. Schultz, why don't you call our names backwards sometime? Oh, you mean Schultz, Olson, Horowitz and Basco? No, no, no, Axel, Switzerland, Elzo and Schultz. That is not funny, Mr. Schultz. Well, I'm very sorry, Ms. Dinglaps. I mean Schultz. And let's have no more interruptions. We're studying capital cities today. Mr. Schultz, you may tell us the capital of Oklahoma. Now, let me see, would that be Jackson? Jackson is the capital of Mississippi. Oh, naturally, would that be Topeka? Topeka is the capital of Kansas. Miss Spolly, don't interrupt, Olson, she's got two rides so far. Never mind, Mr. Schultz, Mr. Basco. Present. I thought you weren't paying attention. You got there in your hands. This, Miss Spolly, is a bigger package of chunagum. Bigger package with a lot of package of chunagum. Done with jello beans, caramels, peanuts, a peppermint, liquorice sticks and other little candies. Miss Spolly, if you keep him after class, you can have a party. Quiet, please. Mr. Basco, I wish you would eat before you come to class. Oh, no, Miss Spolly, this candy's not for me. Tonight is a Halloween, and after class, I'm going to go home and give the candies to the little boys and the girls one day, not going to die. Oh, I see. Trick or treat, Halloween, Jesus. The lovable little beggars, you know, last year, they kept knocking at the door of my delicatessen all night. And did you give them anything, George? The liverwurst flowed like gumdrops. You've seen those kidneys eat, bless their little heartburns. All right, all right. Hold that talk for after class, please, now. Where were we? You were asking for the capital of Oklahoma. Oh, yes, yes. You may tell us, Mr. Horowitz. Miss Spaulding, you were asking, but I wasn't telling. Well, then tell us now. Oklahoma. I will think, Mr. Horowitz, where is Oklahoma? You mean where it is now? Well, of course, Oklahoma has never moved. That's funny. I read once that Oklahoma was going on the road for six months. I could kill myself for not saying that first. Miss Spaulding, we are wasting precious time. Just call on me. I will give the right answer, and then we can go on from there. All right, there he goes. Oklahoma, Fran and Olsen. Mr. Schultz, you're just impossible today. Now, please try to control that tongue of yours. I'm sorry, Miss Spaulding. It's the Halloween spirit bringing out the witch in me. Never mind. Go on, Mr. Olsen. The capital of Oklahoma. Oh, Oklahoma City. Oh, of course. Oh, by Yemeni, the answer, is staring them right in the face. Oh, I could just die. And it was right under their nose all the time. Is that a laugh or the mating call of a chakras? Mr. Schultz, it takes a yakus to recognize a yakus. Now, please, the both of you stop acting so childish. Mr. Vasco, we'll go on now. Tell us the capital of Florida. Capital of Florida? Are you not going to fool us twice? Florida City. Wrong. Mr. Vasco, it looks like we've lost you for the day. Lost me? How's it possible to lose me if I'm sitting right here? Well, I mean your ability to concentrate. Now, frankly, it upsets the rest of the class. Count me out. I'm very happy to have a partner in Ignora. Please, it's going to be angry, Miss Spaulding. It's Halloween and we all should be happy, no? Well, we should all know our work a little better. Mr. Vasco, why don't you just leave? I know you'll be happier. Miss Spaulding, you angry? I'm not. You are. Please, I only want to feed the kids and make them happy. Please, don't be angry, huh? I'm not. Well, you smile a little bit, huh? Well, all right. And have fun. All right, thank you. And goodbye, class, and happy Halloween. And goodbye, kids. Come again next Halloween. I'll give you some more candy to chew on the gum. Ah, then nice. So nice. Sound of children is sweetest noise in a whole, whole world. Must be some more kids. I'm not going to go. Trick or treat, a little banana nose. Ah, Vasco, come on in. I've been watching you from my spaghetti palace, little cabbage bush. You've been feeding those kids like you was the marshal of plan. Well, how are you going to celebrate the Halloween of Pascuali? Well, I always call you pumpkin ahead. Why don't you stick a candle in your mouth, huh? I've never seen anybody like you before. Every little American holiday comes around and you've got to be the chief of the celebrator. See, look, if you Abraham Lincoln didn't have ten brothers, you'd be celebrating every day of the year. Well, Pascuali, when you love a country like I love America, then you want to celebrate every day of the year. Sure, but why Halloween? What are you celebrating tonight? Did a Washington cross at Hudson on Halloween? Did a Paul Revere ride as a horse on Halloween? Did Edison discover the electric bill on Halloween? Well, I don't know, Pascuali. He's just a nice little kid. You say hello. It's a good thing when we got an excuse to be nice to people. Oh, Luigi, stop being such a big green horn. You've got to celebrate things. Why don't you celebrate a real big day, like, uh... January 15th. Why is January 15th a big day? Because that's when my daughter Rosa was a bard. That's a big day, all right? 150 pounds a big. Oh, stop. Look, Luigi, I know the real reason you celebrate my Halloween. That's because you're crazy for little kids, all right? Hey, that's right, if I can. In other words, Luigi, you think Americans should keep turning out the millions and millions of little bombinos, huh? Oh, sure. All right, then how come you're the bottleneck? Look, Luigi, in America they got a big say, and little kids of today, they're the big Americans of tomorrow. Now, tell the truth, wouldn't you be the happiest man in the world if for 20 years from now you see four or five little Bascos all getting their citizen papers on the same day? Sure, but how come you're the bottleneck? If I have a little kid, then they're born Americans and they don't need a citizen of purpose. No, I'm right. I'll give you five bucks of Mary Rose to have the kids that we find out. No, no, no, thanks, Pascuali. There must be some easier way to find out. Now, if you would... Excuse me, Pascuali, there must be some more kids for the Halloween. Go ahead and let the little vultures in. Trick or treat, sir. Don't be afraid. Come in, little boy. Thank you, sir. Oh, I'm gonna give you some... some... Oh, I forgot. I'm gonna get no more chewing gum or candy left. I'm a sorry little boy. That's quite all right, sir. Thanks, just the same. All right, all right. So we got no chewing gum. You don't have to cry. It's okay, that's a free. Stop it, Pascuali. Can you see how he's feel bad? I'm not so worried about this boy. Look at that beautiful overcoat he's wearing and the new shoes and that hat. This kid probably has a defense job on the side. I wanted to dress up as a child both of my mates. The governess wouldn't let me. You got a governess? That means the governess is a wife, a stupid. No, she's the one who watches me. Well, anyway, I sneaked out of the house to go trick or treat. I went far away until I got up enough nerve to do it. You were the first one. Now you haven't got anything. Oh, no, no, no, no, don't cry. That's something I'm never gonna hear. Children are crying. Hey, but wait. I'm gonna make sure you get a plenty of treats. Sure, I'm gonna go along with you. What? Why not, Pascuali? I'm gonna be sure somebody takes good care of him. Lots of parents who go with their kids. How am I gonna go with, with... Richard, that's my name. With Richard. Luigi, stop talking like a maroon. I warn you, stay in your own little backyard. And if you gotta go looking for trouble, marry Rosa. You can't stop me, Pascuali. How am I gonna trick or treat? Come on, Richard, we're gonna have a plenty of fun. Yes, sir. Luigi! Oh, that pop is squeak. I can just see all that fun. Every time he tries to do somebody some good, he winds up in the trouble. Well, I might as well get ready. Soon he's gonna need a bottle of iodide, $25 of bail money, and a new nose. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Basco's letter to his mother in Italy. Hello, ma'am, I'm here. I'm left to start, and I'm going to trick or treat to a little Richard. Soon I'm gonna hang so many doorbells, my tumble was gonna get a headache. But it was late, and most places we got to, they got nothing left, so I took him to one place where I'm a no-sad little boy. Was he gonna get to something and have lots of things to laugh about? Schultz is a delicatessen to start with. Luigi, my fellow boob. Ooh, come in, come in. Hello, Schultz, trick or treat. What's your choice? Stop that. What's with this cute little boy? Go ahead, Richard. You tell him. Trick or treat. Something for Halloween? Schultz, this little boy is a Richard, and I'm gonna help him with his trick or treat. Ah, if that ain't just like you, Luigi. But what will it be, Richard? I got them salamis, and baloney, and knuckwheels. That's guaranteed to separate you from your appendix. Ah, here, we start yours with a little clam there. Thank you, Mr. Schultz. Go ahead, stuff it in your pockets. Live. And here, take this. And this. And this, too. All right, thank you, Schultz. I know you wasn't gonna understand. Yes, you know, listen, Richard, I got a riddle for you. Pinch me and punch me where in my store. Yeah, punch me when out. Who was left? Pinch me. Okay, I got a punch there. Pinch me and punch me where together. Yeah. Pinch me when out. Who was left? Punch me. Okay, I got a punch there. Pimel, what a noun that kid has got. That's funny. But, Schultz, we gotta go before he's gonna get too late. And a thank you so much for your treat. Thank you very much, Mr. Schultz. You have been extremely kind indeed. Himble with his sock, and the way he talks, we're gonna have another gene-tunny. Ha, ha, ha! Uba and thanks for coming in. And remember, smile! You'll be like me, always happy, always lovely. Ha, ha, ha! Oh! My rheumatism is killing me. Vasco, I don't think I've had so much time in my life. Ha, you had a good time, Richard. I'm glad you enjoyed it, you boy. Don't you have good times with your papa and mama like this? No, they're always too busy. They're either coming from someplace or going to someplace. Mama, sounds to me like they're going to no place. Richard, who went to where you last year? I didn't get to go last year, sir. Father and mother were too busy because sister had a coming out party. She had a what? Coming out party. What so she come out of? I don't know. Anyway, the governor's locked my door and I couldn't get out. Oh, but she didn't lock the door tonight, huh? Sure, but she forgot the windows. Ha, ha, ha! Well, Richard, you better go home now before everybody's gonna start to worry about you, huh? Please, Mr. Vasco, kiss this last block. Well, it's, well, all right. It's a beautiful and itchy street. Maybe you're gonna get a lot of candy, but we gotta make it quick, huh? You take one side of the street, I'm gonna take the other side. Oh, fine. I'll meet you at the end of this block. And whenever we get back, you can take half of it, Mr. Vasco. Oh, no, you're gonna take the whole thing, Richard. I'm never gonna be able to figure it up on my intercom attacks on a hundred jelly beans. Yes? Trick or treat. What? Don't you see that sign, beggars or peddlers around the back way? What do you talk about? Who's a beggar? This is Halloween. I'm asking trick or treat. You're bothering people, that's what. You got your nerve entering this quiet community and ringing doorbells? Mr. Ham, I'm not gonna argue with you. You don't wanna trick or treat? I'm gonna go. Sure, you'll go, and just because it's some fool day like Halloween you'll break my windows or destroy the gate. I think this could have happened to you any day of the year. Oh, now you're insulting people. Well, you won't get away with it. Please, please, Mr. Ham, I'm gonna wanna make trouble. That's what they all say. We'll go back. We'll go back. How can a man be so mad at just because he's a run out of candy? It's a one and more bell and I'm on the end of the block. Then I'm gonna meet the Richard and then I'm gonna go home. Hey, you! Huh? How you calling me, officer? Yeah, come here. We've been following you for five minutes, mister. Up in, we're taking you for a little ride. I've done about it, thanks. I'm a little too far from here. Get in! We're taking you to the station. The trolley station? No, wise guy. The police station. We gotta complain on you. Hey, Buster, what did pull you in for? I'm gonna know. Must be for ringing the doorbells. See, is that a crime? Everything's getting to be a crime, you know? You shouldn't ring doorbell. You know what would happen if everybody would ring everybody else's doorbell? Maybe they would get to know each other a little better. Listen, pal, I sympathize with you. Stick up for your rights. When you get up before the lieutenant, just tell them you're in on a bum rap. A bum rap? Yeah, you tell them you all talk without a mouthpiece. Without a mouthpiece? That's right. If you act smart, you'll be suspended. Suspended? Mamma mia, they're gonna hang me for ringing the doorbell. All right, Basko, you're next. No, no. Mamma mia, what? Why have I passed the police in the camp? Just stand in front of the bench in front of the lieutenant. Before you do anything to me, I'm gonna want to say something to you. What is it? I'm gonna never rap with this bum. What? And I'm gonna talk until I get to my teeth. What? That's right, I demand a mouthpiece. Wait a minute, I never heard anything as crazy as this. Just a minute, officer, you hide this. I like to speak to my cabbage pusher countrymen. What's funny? Is this the man he called for, Phillips? Yes, sir. Well, the complainant's late in arriving, so you two can have a conference. Thank you, you judge-hipped it. Help us, buddy. Help us, buddy. I'm so happy to see you. Help me, help me, save me, push, buddy. Save me, help me, save you. Every time you in trouble, you holler S-O-S louder than a scour in a pad. That's what I'm talking about. Luigi, the spot you're in now, even the Salvation Army couldn't have saved you. Oh, you're in a terrible trouble. But why, Pascuali? Because already the police, they put your name on the blotter. My name on the blotter, what this means? Biggest disgrace. From now on, every kid who uses a blotter at school is going to see a picture of you behind bars saying, don't let this happen to you. No, no, no. No, it's not the pronoun. No, it's the biggest shot. You wouldn't have listened to Pascuali. He's got to celebrate Halloween. Yeah, but Pascuali, I'm... What I'm at the wrong? You went inside people's homes, right? Yes. All right, they got you out of charge of home inside. Out of charge of home inside? That's what I said. They got you out of charge of home inside. Lucky for you, they can't give you a life a sentence because you already use up half of your life. But I wouldn't be a bit surprised if you got, well, 50 years. 50 years? We tend to set off for good behaviors of falling. Pascuali, you call yourself a friend. How can you stand and let them put you in jail? Waste the power of all, Luigi. You might lose your chance on your citizen papers. Oh, no. No, Pascuali. I'm in the most terrible trouble of my life. Lieutenant thinks I'm a crazy. That's it. Luigi, what you just said, that gives me a loophole to get you out. What the Pascuali? What the loophole? You've got to play it in sanity. That's it going to get you out. All right, I'm going to do anything to get out. Help me. All right, I'll help you. But before I help you, you've got to promise that you'll marry my daughter Rosa. Oh, my, my, my. From one loophole to another. Well, come on, come on. The time is short. Pascuali, to become, to become a citizen, I would, I would do anything. Even marry Rosa. Spoken like a true patriot. All right, I'm going to call her in. Rosa. Rosa. Rosa. You call me. I see my little Daisy. Rosa, say hello to Luigi. Hello, Rosa. Rosa, Luigi's are going to plead in sanity. And he's going to go. Hey, Vasco. The little challenge wants to speak to you. All right. Don't worry, Luigi. Just leave everything to me. I know how to handle the tenancies. Vasco, I don't understand what's holding up the complainant. But to be fair to you, let's hear your side of it. How are you going to plead? Trick or trick. Trick or trick. What? That's what I'm going to plead all day, your majesty. Mr. Vasco, are you pleading guilty or not guilty? Lieutenant, you majesty, we plead in sanity. Just who are you? I'm a Mr. Pascuali, 23 North, the horse that is treated. Sit down. Yes. See, Luigi, I got him in the palm of my hand. Mr. Vasco, will you stop wasting our time? Do you plead guilty or not guilty? Well, I'm a little mixed up. I'm not to guilty because I wasn't asking anybody for no money. And just what were you asking for? Jelly beans. Jelly beans? Mr. Vasco, are you serious? I told you, judge, we plead in sanity. Sit down. Yes. Mr. Vasco, you should be ashamed of yourself. A healthy, full-grown man begging for money, coming in here, making such a scene. How long have you been in this country? Three years, but I was... Have you applied for your first papers? He applied two hours after he came off of the boat. Yes, but I'm going to make it in one hour, but Pascuali's took me to get a haircut. I'm sorry I'm late. Let me answer that to me in a minute. Now I'm in a little trouble. Oh, please, sir, don't say that. I'm here to apologize, not to press charges. What? Wait a minute. Daddy, daddy, why didn't you wait for me? I'm sorry. I'm real sorry. Is this the man, Richard? Yes. Hello, Mr. Vasco. Boy, I'm sure glad to see you. Well, I guess that settles the case. I'm very sorry, Lieutenant. There was a misunderstanding. That was a big one. No, it wasn't so big. It was either ten dollars or ten days. Mr. Vasco, let me make it up to you. Here's ten dollars for your trouble. Well, Mr. Richard's a daddy. There's more things in this world that can't be fixed for money. You keep your ten dollars or give it to some boy's club. But I'm a sentence to you. To ten days. Ten days? Yeah. Ten days with your son. I know what you mean. And I hope I can make it up to him. Do you know when he couldn't find you and I scolded him for returning late, he said he wished you were his daddy? Oh, everybody loves Luigi. I wish he was my husband. And I wish he was my son-in-law. Thank you, thank you. And I wish everybody a happy Halloween. Halloween is a ten out of pretty good for me. And I'm made up of my mind on a one-to-thing. Next year, if I'm gonna go trick-or-treat, I'm attacking you no chances. I'm gonna dress up like your little boy. You're loving your son, Luigi Vasco, and little immigrant. Friends and makers of Wrigley Spermint Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that Wrigley Spermint Gum is an ideal treat to enjoy between meals. And remember, tomorrow is Halloween. Be sure to have plenty of Wrigley Spermint Gum on hand for the youngsters who call out trick-or-treat. The makers of Wrigley Spermint Chewing Gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his mama Vasco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Cy Howard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script was written by Mack Benoff and Lou German and directed by Mr. Benoff. He's known as the starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Reid as Pasquale, Mark Conrad Reid as Schultz, Roni Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Liz Faulding, Joel Forte as Horowitz, and Ken Peters as Olson. The music is under the direction of Love Bluskin. This is Charles Lahn. This is the CBS Radio Network.