 I mean all the signs were there. Netflix movie starring Amanda Seafreed. Why did I bother? Today I'll briefly be talking about Things Heard and Seen. A movie that should neither be heard nor seen by anyone. If you watched my last couple videos I'm in the same shirt. It's not like a Nike deal or anything although I'd gladly take their money. Uh, no I'm just, I just filmed two other movies prior to this one to reviews. This is the third in this parade of just absolute shit that I've had to sit through. I mean I didn't have to. I was kind of tricked to. I was lulled into it by these constant advertisements and promises of greatness that just constantly disappoint me. I do like movies. I mean at one point I think I did. I still watch them. Maybe I just hate myself. Maybe that's why I do this. Maybe I just hate myself. Well we'll do some inner reflection later but for now let's talk about this piece of shit. Amanda Seafreed stars as Catherine Claire. A weak shell of a woman she once was before marriage. She married a guy who kind of is a piece of shit. He gets hired to work as a temp professor at a school and she joins him. They move to this old country house out on the farm. There's some weird neighbor boys that come over and offer to help. And as this movie progresses you find out this house isn't all it's cracked up to be. Houses have history but what separates this from the others is that history is a pretty dark one. There was some deaths at the place which is causing poltergeists to show up. Catherine and her child are getting the brunt of this. That poor girl has to sleep alone at night with creepy dolls and a ghost woman staring at her in the corner. I have to say right out of the gates the ghost effects in this movie are just wow. Just...just wow. When you die you get this sort of mystique X-Men dark Phoenix blue glow to you. It's stupid. It's ugly. It's not scary. So it's perfect for this film. Out of the three movies I recently watched and hated this is the most egregious of them because it kind of has you hooked. If you don't know how bad things are going to end up it kind of gets you. It kind of pulls you along for the ride. It starts out fine enough. There's a murder. You see the dad running into the woods with his daughter cradled into his arms. Whoa, what's going on? There's blood dripping from the ceiling. I'm in. I'm fully sold. I've been doing this thing with recent movies where I don't watch any of the trailers going in because I want to be pleasantly surprised. I don't want to get my hopes up. And wow is it not working at all. I didn't know this was a thriller. I didn't know there was ghosts in it. I didn't know a single thing about it. My hopes couldn't have been lower and I was still incredibly pissed when it was done. 80% of this film is focused on the douchebag husband who the acting by the way all around is just just bad. Normally I don't have a problem. I don't have an issue with acting in films but it's very clear that these guys didn't even know what they were supposed to do. I think the script was being rewritten on the fly as the days were shooting. Like, oh god this is Alien 3 all over again. Just ripping pages out, typing new ones for some reason. They're using an old fashioned typewriter. And I genuinely feel bad for the actors that are in this. There's some good ones to be found. The woman from Better Call Saul's here. She's about the only highlight I'd say. The young girl. A woman. I don't even know how old she is in real life. That looks like she's about 75 pounds soaking wet from Stranger Things is in this. Got a jawline like no other. Probably be because there's no meat on those bones. Just eat a sandwich. This isn't skinny shaming. This is just fearing for your well-being. If you have seen a trailer and you want something scary this is not it. This isn't it my friend. There's nothing scary at all. No jump scares nothing. It's just super lame in that department. Once again I didn't know what I was going to see so that didn't disappoint me. I don't like jump scares. I think they're kind of lame. Especially when my favorite thing in a movie is when they do the or like a knife slash or like a sound effect. It's just like a cat walking out. Like in what world do those noises get made to begin with? That's bullshit. I call shenanigans when they do that. I don't think that happens here. They don't even care enough to provide that sort of scare. They don't care. They don't care. So I think I said 80% is focused on the dumbass guy. You have 5% focused on the fact that Seafreed has an eating disorder in this. She's bulimic. She's eating her food. She's throwing it up. I think that's bulimia. Binging and purging I believe are the terms. Whatever she's doing that whole thing. How that comes into the plot I'm not really sure. I guess it's just showing that she's in control of that aspect of her life since her husband's kind of controlling everything else. It's not compelling. Doesn't really matter at all at the end especially. So if I did my math right that leaves about 15% dedicated to the mystery of this house and the kind of ghost type stuff that you get. There's a seance at one point. The town knows of the history of this place kind of. But it's revealed that it's much darker than they previously thought. Not only is there good women that died in this house trying to protect Amanda's character but there's also a bad presence. And he's gonna stop the good from protecting her from the bad. Because when you introduce good into a house the good ghosts kind of flourish but when you introduce bad into a house the demons come out to play. On paper some of that stuff's kind of cool sounding right? But again they spent no time on that. Instead there's these weird kind of adultery things going on with no nudity or thrusting of any kind. So again it's just like they don't care at all. We don't need to scare you with ghosts. We don't need to move the needle on the penis. We're just gonna do everything about as lame as possible here. I don't even know what this is rated. G? The weirdest part that I have no problem spoiling is these two teenage boys that want to be at the house all the time. They want to paint, they want to help out, watch the kid. And we find out that their mom died in the place like horribly by their abusive dad. Why would you want to go back to this house and hang out? It's just weird. It's just so weird. As I stated though even with all these bizarre events and dumb decisions made there was enough mystery and enough competence in at least the cinematography. I mean it's not great but it's not bad by any means. It's pretty to look at. Besides the ghosts, the ghosts are terrible. Anytime there's really any special effect it's just awful. But there's not a lot of that. But the thing that really pisses me off is you had enough mystery and enough concepts at play here to really nail it at the end. Or at least have some semblance of effort. Instead the writers throw all of it out the front door and end it in the most bullshitty way ever seen ever in the history of anything. Not since Dexter season 9 has something jumped the shark so badly in its final execution. I can't think of a single other movie that said fuck it more than whatever this stupid movie's called. I don't even remember anymore. Doesn't matter. Things left, things left unanswered, things done terribly and without any regard to the viewer. This is a horrible film because not only are the last 5 to 10 minutes just completely insulting but because it discredits everything leading to it because none of it mattered anymore. There's movies like Prisoners that I know are split the audience where some absolutely hate the ending and others really loved it. I did not like the ending of Prisoners but even I won't say the movie's terrible just because I didn't like how it ended up. I can still acknowledge that the movie at least went somewhere interesting. It's just not the ending I wanted. This though is all hinging on the end of the movie, adding up at all. But it doesn't. It's shit. I see it's at a 5.3 in IMDb so apparently the Netflix and Shill people are out giving it positive reviews to offset which would clearly be a zero out of ten. A zero! I think I liked movies before but now I'm questioning everything I used to know. I don't know. I beg for new material. I beg for original stories but we keep getting these horrible ones so all I'm excited for are the next 700 Marvel films that are formulaic, kind of generic but still competent with story structure, some comedy, some good effects and action like this is where we're at now. You're either a superhero movie that's paint by numbers or you are just absolute trash. What is happening with movies? That was things heard and seen. Fuck you Netflix.