 So today we're responding to a lot of questions that are coming in from women who are experiencing burning, dryness, itchiness after sex or after self-pleasure in the vagina particularly. And with that it's strange how many people are writing in about this and I know that there can be very simple explanations for this, you know, when you have self-pleasure, when you have sex, there's a very simple explanation for why you should be getting burning or why you should be getting any kind of itchiness or even sometimes pain afterwards. And there are also some slightly more complicated explanations for it, but I do feel sometimes that our knowledge around the subject is so little that I think I'd like us to touch on both things. You know, let's go with the really simple stuff. Let's not sort of take it for granted that everybody just knows what we're talking about. Let's actually cover all of it. Well, I think the first one to always and you talk about it often is vaginal dryness, right? And that could be because of multiple reasons and menopause or hormonal dysfunction being a number one. And we'll talk about things like STI and yeast infections later. But taking care that the pH levels and that the vagina is not dry is the most important thing because that's going to be the number one reason you are feeling pain or the burning sensation or itchiness in your vagina. And you know, I think I'd like to point out that a lot of people always say, yeah, we use lube. But I think there's a lack of understanding on the fact that how much lube needs to be used for penetration to be comfortable. I think people forget that when you know, you have a penis that is going in and out that many times, there is likely to become some kind of dryness is going to happen anyway. Let's face it. But also when people put their lube, I think either they don't put very much I know that people have written in and said is saliva enough and saliva is definitely not enough. But I just want to point out that even for people who are using a lot of lube, sometimes you might leave one little corner of the vagina without realizing. And somewhere in the middle of sex, you will start to feel the friction in that particular part of the vagina. And I just want to say at this point, please stop and put a little bit more, nothing will actually happen to your passion. You know, it's all right. The thing is, it's going to end up feeling better in the in the long run. And I think what you do point that you make about leaving that spot is really important because when we think about the vagina, right, like if this is my vagina, this spot at the bottom a lot of times, you know, this like it feels the friction going in and out a lot of times, it gets missed sometimes, or the vagina might, you know, might have not like relaxed or open up. So it might be tight at that point. So it's really important to massage it here because what happens is with the friction, it can leave, you know, a little bit of like a burning sensation there, or they could be scratches there or something, you know, just with the friction, because it's not relaxed because it's tight. A lot of times people would always speak about massaging that point as well. Because if there is a slight tear as well, vagina is such a sensitive area, it's such a sensitive area that even if it's a slight tear or a slight cut, it will really burn. If, you know, if you have any, it could be a finger or a penis coming in and out, that's going to really hurt you again and again. So make sure that, you know, all these tight spots are taken care of as well. And of course, this leads us to the next thing that there could be a scratch there, could be a little tear there. And that then leads to it gets aggravated each time. So that leads to long term burning or itching or whatever. Yeah, so I think sometimes people don't realize that there is could be internal injuries or, you know, sometimes just, you know, sometimes we might have sharp nails. Sometimes, you know, like I'm saying, there might be a little bit of tightness, like multiple things that we could have just scratched a little bit. Or, you know, one of the things that we spoke about is sex toys, because sometimes we think sex toys are, you know, easily available, but they can injure at times, they can be with, if it's feeling uncomfortable, try reading more about it, but don't persist with it. But what I'm just saying is that something could have left. And obviously, it could be something bad as well, like abuse that could have left an internal injury inside you as well. But that is something that you should, if things are not, you know, if the lube is not helping and it's a basic, like the moisturizing of the vagina is not helping, I would definitely recommend going and getting an internal done by an OBGYN, just to make sure that there's no internal injuries within the vagina that is, you know, causing you hurt again and again. Until you get that internal checkup, you wouldn't know. It's not something that you can see, you know, so you need to go to an OBGYN for it. And also, I think coming back to this same point of the lube or sufficient lube, I think it's a point that you have made as well in the past that if the arousal is not there, what happens is, I think a lot of people feel that it's going to be okay. But it isn't if the body is actually not ready for it, if the arousal is not sufficiently there, the lube will also start to dry out. It's not a foolproof method. Sometimes the quickies and things, I mean, that's a real issue sometimes. Yeah, I think about it as, you know, how has your muscle, you know, vagina is a muscle, it needs to relax for any penetration to take place. So, yes, with lube, you're taking care of the physical environment of the vagina, but you also need to take care of the emotional and the mental readiness for the vagina, the muscle needs to relax to allow something to get in. So, you know, it's like saying you made the house comfortable with the lube, but you need to still leave the key for the door to open, you know, otherwise it doesn't work. So that mental emotional readiness for arousal, otherwise it will hurt if the arousal is not there. And it will then lead to this kind of impact the vagina so that it leads to dryness and any kind of dryness and friction with thrusting will then lead to a burning sensation and so on. Before we actually move on to possibilities like UTI and things, which I know you're going to touch upon, what about this need to be, I mean, can you tell everybody just how important it is to be after you have had a chance? You know, and I think that some people know it, some people don't, but it's really important for you to go and urinate after you have sex. It's one of the things that most women try and do, and you know, sometimes it feels lazy. I know I get really lazy and say, oh, this feels good, now do I really need to get up and do it? But it actually really keeps the balance going, and it's something that's really important for you to go and pee after you have sex. And I think that helps with some of that. And I think for everybody out there, whatever else you take away, please do take this away from this particular chat. But yeah, so moving on to, I know that you're going to touch upon the some of the problems, medical problems that can come up. Yeah, so you know, one of the things, so say we've taken care of the lube and we made the physical space okay, and we have worked on our rousal, and those two things have been taken care of, but still there is an issue, then we need to really look at the medical things, STIs, yeast infections, they are really prime UTIs, they are prime suspects for why there will be vaginal dryness and itching. And also sometimes they can be vaginal eczema, that means a lot of dryness around the lips of the vagina and outside. And that also makes it very tight and itchy, like sometimes we think it's all internal. But that's really not true, it could be external, it could be a skin ailment as well. And that could also cause it. So if you think, or everything's okay, I would really recommend going and meeting an OBGYN or a GP who can do a basic internal checkup to see that there's no UTI, STI, or there's no dryness around the vagina. So do get a test done to make sure that everything is okay. And obviously the hormonal balance, like we can't forget menopause in all of this, which causes the dryness or any other hormonal imbalance when you have lack of estrogen, there will be dryness. So just keep those things in mind. The other thing I always find is people would say that my partner was fingering me or I was self-pleasuring or whatever. And I find that particularly when partners are doing this, a lot of them do it with a lot of gusto, a lot of enthusiasm. And you go in there and a lot of women have written in and said, I feel like I was being attacked. And literally that is what they're doing because there's some kind of, I don't know, subconscious idea that, you know, the harder you go and like you get that finger in and you churn it like mad. And that isn't what works. Actually, that's a terrible thing to do. You know, Kamasutra actually says that when you're using your fingers to pleasure a woman, you never ever use your forefinger on its own. It's actually forbidden. They say that it's too powerful and all it does is leave, it's aggressive and it leaves irritation and annoyance and it gets you agitated rather than pleasure you. And I think that that's probably, that was the Kamasutra's way of saying, don't go in there because then you can't go and churn away. Whereas, you know, if you use two fingers, three fingers or all sorts of different combinations of fingers, it just changes how you go in and how you trust in and out. So, I think that's the first thing to remember is that please do not go into a vagina with the forefinger and attack it for all your words because that doesn't actually excite the other person and gets them in a more difficult situation and it can, like you said, scratch. Even if you've got really short nails, it can be a problem. Yeah, I'm also thinking about it, you know, what we were talking about the relaxation of the thing. If there will be friction, so you need to allow the expansion to happen because if the tighter the space and the friction of it, like you're saying, you're going in and out, in and out, it's going to leave injury. If you start slow and then, you know, increase the momentum, that's when it will be, you know, it'll be softer on the vagina and it's a sensitive area. Absolutely. And so our recommendation actually is that when you start with fingering or even if you're actually going to have penetrative sex, the first thing to do is to actually start by rubbing outside on the vulva. So actually massaging it, caressing it, then there is this thing called tapping. So you actually start to knock against it a little bit, that increases the sensations. The next thing is whether you're penetrating with your finger or with your penis, go only as far as the clitoris. Just go into the lips and out again, go in there and out again, use the fingers for this, it's so much easier. Don't start by full penetration. Give yourself a bit of time, give your partner a little bit of time and only go that far. And only once that has happened should you go further. And, you know, because a lot of people feel that, okay, they don't want to hurt their partner by going straight into the thrusting, into the penetration. But they actually make things worse by this idea of fingering. Because again, like I said, it's so sad that it's such a taboo subject, nobody actually talks about any of these things. And what you find on the internet is not necessarily useful information because they will say, yes, go ahead and finger your partner, use your fingers to make your partner feel better about it, but with no actual explanation. And of course, we know that porn doesn't give you that bit of education. So you know, here is your top tip when it comes to fingering, when it comes to starting off, begin with just touching the outside the vulva, then go slightly into the idea of tapping, then penetrate only into the lips, but just literally just into the lips before you do anything else. I think you make a really good point because what I think women tend to go ahead with, you know, even if it's hurting a little bit, you know, there's a myth, oh, it hurts a little bit, it's okay, it will finish, you know, it'll be okay afterwards and everything, you know, if it is hurting, stop. Maybe you need to change some things, you know, maybe you need to use more lube, or maybe you need to feel more rouse, maybe there needs to be foreplay, maybe it needs to be slower, every all the recommendations that Seema gave. So do not bear with it. Stop and then change something or the position also and make it comfortable for you. Sex should not be painful, it should be pleasurable. So change it for you, whatever needs to be changed and try it a different way till it gets comfortable. Actually, that's a really good point, Anvita. I'm glad you brought it up because positions do make a lot of difference. So if you find that it's hurting, don't put up with it. Like Anvita said, put a little tiny pillow under your bottom, take the pillow out from under your head, that'll change the angle, makes a lot of difference because suddenly maybe when the penis is inside, it won't be touching that particular wall anymore or not with that much aggression. So maybe that will change, which is really good. The other thing is that if you find that you're really dry inside and there is some part that is either starting to burn or hurt or scrape even, change the thrust angle a little bit. So instead of pulling out all the way and then pushing it in, if you're all the way in, pull out a little bit. So stay fully penetrated, but come out just a little bit, push again, come up. That also changes how much friction and how much aggravation there will be to the skin on the inside. So you have lots of different things that you can try. Please don't think that just because you're doing it, you don't want to upset your partner by saying, oh, listen, stop. You don't want to ruin the mood by saying, can you come out and put on more lube? It won't ruin the mood. It'll actually be better for you because you'll be able to do it for longer and better. And if you don't feel like doing all that, like I said, literally just change your angle, pillow, smaller thrusts, all of that will help. And condoms. Condoms help with STIs and UTIs and everything. So remember, condoms can also, we've just given you tons of idea if you're feeling uncomfortable. There are these small, small things that can help, but if the problem persists, please do get medical help because you're just making the problem worse by not attending to it. I'm really hoping that this is going to help because the number of emails and messages that have come in in recent times had me worried enough to think, oh my God, it almost feels like an epidemic of burning vaginas. And that's just not okay because when there's burning in there, there's no pleasure. And really, sex should always be about pleasure. Otherwise, there's really no point in having sex. It shouldn't leave you with problems after words. It should leave you with a really good feeling. So please do make your notes, understand from what we've said today, what works for you, what doesn't. And as Anrita said, if all of the tips that we've given you on loom, on positions, on pillows, on the kind of thrusting, et cetera, et cetera, that doesn't work. Go see a gynecologist, go see a doctor, get yourself healed because we would like you to have a lifetime of pleasure. If you found the video useful, do, as always, like, comment, subscribe, and we will see you back over here with one of your questions again very soon.