 I could almost taste it in the air. My well-deserved, sweet revenge. You found the best place, for your vengeful needs. In this episode, you'll learn that farmers don't chicken out easily. And why you shouldn't mess with an ant farmer, who also possesses thermites. Followed by a story about an honest farmer, that wants to get lucky in Kentucky, and has entrepreneurial plans for his retirement pastime. But when a restaurant owner stands in his way, he returns a smelly favor. This story, an honest farmer wants to grow chickens and grow his business, but the township and citizens prefer to stop his plans, even though he's abiding by the rules. Fair warning, the last story contains talk of law, but the revenge act is so finger-licking good, it can't be legal. Anyway, it might be annoying to overstepping townships and unreasonable citizens. So if that's you, you have been warned. When I was about 11 or 12, I started hobbies which included rock collecting and ant farming. I also started babysitting my brother at the time. So it all began on a normal Saturday, that consisted of me babysitting my little brother while taking care of my aunts. I let my brother play on my PS3 so I could do my own thing. But some time into it, the doorbell rang. I opened it and saw these annoying little kids who would always ask if I could play. But I would decline every time. Normally, they would just leave, but this time they just sat there and kept on ringing the doorbell. This went on for at least 10 minutes. After it stopped, I expected they were finished. Until I heard giggles outside, followed by rocks being thrown at the house. One of the rocks managed to crack a window. I ran outside and aggressively opened the door. From their perspective, they must have known it wasn't going to be good. Also at the time, I was probably about 5 feet 9 inches, so I was kinda intimidating to them. I walked outside and commanded them to go home or I'll call the police. I went forward about 2 weeks and it happened 3 more times, at this point I was done playing around. I knew they were gonna do it again, so I came up with a little plan. And I would call in my loyal reinforcements. The rocks they would throw, were collected next to my house. I accidentally spilled my fire and geranium on the rocks, releasing 1500-2000 fire ants. So the next day comes around, and the little brats were ringing my doorbell again. Anticipating their visit while hearing the doorbell, made me almost taste it in the air. Sweet, sweet revenge. After the ringing stopped, I heard the thuds of the rocks hitting my house, but suddenly it stopped and I could hear them start to cry. I looked out the window, and one of the little boys was sitting right on the rocks. They scattered while crying and ran home. I had my fill and justice was served, but it wasn't the end. Their mom came storming out and over to mine, so I put on my saddest face and told the mom, they broke my ant farm. After seeing me like this, she quickly gave me $10 and left. I'm almost starting to feel bad, but they shouldn't have messed with my rocks. A few weeks later, they started feeling confident again and stole toys from our backyard, repeated the ringing of our doorbell and of course, taking away rocks again. I went to their parents directly and told on them. It didn't work though, as they kept on going even after I released the fire ants. For this, it was mostly annoying, but now they damaged my property even more by leaving the outside faucet on. Freezing our hose and part of the pipe. Where I live, we normally shut the water off to the outside so there's no chance of freezing. We would also drain and cap them, so they wouldn't freeze. Now I'm pissed, they will only stop when I take my gloves off. I took a big school bag that's normally full of books, and filled it up with toys like Legos, balls, dolls and stuff like that. But I couldn't leave it at just that. You know I keep fire ants, but I have to admit, I also have a termite farm. I took one of my subterranean termite farms, and emptied it into the bag with sand and all. I then made sure to put the inviting bag on my grass lawn and patiently wait. I went to feed my brother lunch and when I came back to check on the bag, it was gone. Fast forward a couple of months, and their house was on quarantine for the bug infestation. Now I can be a bitch, even though it cost me around $500 worth of bugs. Once upon a time, there was a man who owned a piece of land next to a thriving restaurant. This man had owned the land for a long time, 22 years, and it was undeveloped. He had bought it cheaply, but it had great highway frontage, and he had always dreamed of building a little used cars lot or gun shop on the tract, as his retirement pastime. Now, the man had had the tract zoned as a commercial lot when he bought it, but when news leaked about the upcoming development, the restaurant owners petitioned the zoning board to overturn the commercial zoning and re-institute the original agricultural zoning. By the way, all land in the mythical state of Kentucky is zoned as agricultural by default. This was unfair, illegal, and generally rude, but the restaurateur's brother was the county zoning commissioner, so things naturally turned against our would-be entrepreneur. After fighting the good, clean, play-by-the-rules sort of battle and losing, our would-be entrepreneur gave up. He decided to accept the county zoning. Not to see the tract go idly unused, the enterprising retiree decided to pursue another business venture. He raised hogs. Lots of them. 204, to be exact, on his little 12-acre tract. For those of you unfamiliar with the climate in time lost Kentucky, the summers are downright southerly in their humidity and heat. As you can imagine, a rather malignant odor grew up around the thriving hog farm. As of the restaurant ate elsewhere, anywhere else to be exact. In a matter of weeks, the zoning commissioner reversed his earlier ruling, returning the commercial status of the lot. It is another caveat of Kentucky's zoning law, that land can always be used for a purpose lesser on the scale of hierarchy than its current zoning. Everyone, especially the restaurateur, was surprised when the hog farm remained in operation. Nothing, not even substantial financial offers, could convince the new farmer to quit his now-beloved occupation. Exactly three months and four days, after the opening of the hog farm, the restaurant closed its doors for good. The farmer, in a fit of depression, ceased hog farming and decided to open a small sporting goods store instead. It remains there to this day, alongside his newly acquired restaurant. My friend is a bylaw enforcement officer for a small township, we swap work stories at the pub on Wednesday nights. This particular story didn't involve my friend, however, he was aware of the fiasco and thought it would be appreciated. This story is from the west coast of Canada and involves a few levels of government. Generally speaking, local governments, think of cities, townships, villages, municipalities, and regional districts. These are the sole authority for establishing zoning regulations. Zoning tells you what types of uses are permitted and what types are not. However, my province, like a state for you American readers, has established an agricultural zone for key farmland which represents about 5% of the land base of the province. If your property falls under this agricultural zone, the local government cannot restrict most agricultural uses, but the province restricts most non-farm uses. Now on to the story. Farmer Joe started a chicken farm in the early 1990s and by the early 2000s had quite the prospering business. Joe is a practical guy and realized that a big cost associated with his business was sending off his chickens to the slaughterhouse some 45 minutes away. Joe figured that he would do better if he built his own abattoir, chicken slaughterhouse. But unfortunately, his tiny farm had no room. In the mid-2000s, Joe had a huge stroke of luck and was able to purchase a 40-acre property from an old family friend. While the property was technically in the city, it was on the outskirts of the city and was in the provincial agricultural zone. Joe was thrilled at the business opportunity and bought the land. Joe invested some $45,000 in designing the building, which required engineering, an architect, etc. But made sure that everything was up to code before dropping his building permit off at the township. Unbeknownst to Joe, the township was not happy about the abattoir and had discouraged others from applying for them in the past. After about one month of waiting for an update, Joe called into the township. This is how it went. Hello, I'm just touching bases to see how my building permit is coming along. Do you guys need anything? Oh, you're the chicken farmer, right? There's an issue with your permit. I'm going to transfer you to our zoning guy. Hello, Joe, we cannot approve your building permit due to planning reasons. Abattoir are not permitted on your land and you would have to change your zone to allow one. There's only two abattoirs in the township and they are located in industrial zones. I don't know if the neighbors would support an abattoir. Joe was ready to call bullshit because he knew that the provincial regulations allowed an abattoir, provided that 50% of the animals processed in the facility were grown on his property. But Joe kept a level head and decided to placate the township. Oh, okay, I will apply to rezone then. I don't think that would be a good idea. Your neighbors are going to fear that a poultry slaughterhouse will impact their property values and pollute the aquifer. I think I can make a good case. Please send me the application forms. Okay, but I think you should reconsider. Noted. A week later, Joe received the application package from the township and started putting together his proposal. Joe attempted to proactively address neighborhood concerns by pointing out that the abattoir had been designed to not be visible from the road, that he was allowed to have a poultry farm, and that all the processing would be done indoors, so noise shouldn't be an issue. Furthermore, the CFIA, Canadian Food Inspection Agency, and local health authority have regulations in place to ensure the processing is done in a safe way and so that waste does not pollute groundwater. Joe also pointed out that he had received provincial approval for his farm business, because it was within the provincial agricultural zone. Joe also noted that his business would help other small-scale farmers who were struggling to find local, affordable places to take their poultry for processing. Joe's application was received by the city and they took their application fee. Apparently a few city officials reached out to Joe and tried to convince him that it would be in the best interest of the community if he withdrew his application, but Joe would not budge. Six months into the process a public hearing was held, and it was likely. Joe reiterated the benefits of his proposal at the hearing, and explained that it was permitted under provincial law. So the hearing wasn't really necessary but he wanted to be a good neighbor and see if there were concerns he could address. 13 people voiced their disapproval, examples included. Citizen 1, I am opposed, this is going to pollute the groundwater. Citizen 2, I tried to do the same thing a few years ago and was told no. If I can't have it, you shouldn't have it. Citizen 3, we don't know how many chickens you grow. This should be on industrial land. Citizen 4, I board horses on my property. This would be smelly, noisy and I would lose customers. Citizen 5, I think it's cruel to slaughter chickens. Why can't you farm vegetables instead? Citizen 6, there are already rats and crows in my yard. This will attract more pests. Citizen 7, my children play outside. This business will increase traffic and one of them will be hit. Think of the kids. After the hearing, Joe was interviewed by the local newspaper and simply stated. We'll just let Township go through its phases, they'll be voting in a few weeks. Let's see what they come back with, and then we'll take it from there. A few weeks later the Township Council reviewed the staff report, summary of the public hearing record, and all letters received regarding Joe's project. The council unanimously rejected the application, noting that the size of the business was inappropriate for the area. They acknowledged that the proposal met provincial standards, but felt that it was against the standards of the community. One voiced concern that the province may get involved and overturn the Township's decision under the provincial regulations. After each councilor gave their speech, Joe was told it was a no go. Joe did not want to go to the hassle of hiring lawyers, so he reached out to the commission that oversees the provincial agricultural zone, the minister, politician, responsible for the agricultural branch of the provincial government, and a few farmers groups to obtain their support. The minister penned a rather damning letter to the Township explaining that their decision was not appropriate, as they did not have the authority to restrict the farm use. Similarly, the commission sent a memo to the Township staff, explaining that they could not restrict the use. And the farmers groups criticized the Township in the local news outlets. Joe took this information and provided it to the city's chief building inspector, along with a resubmission of his building permit application for the abattoir and demanded that the permit be issued. In response the building inspector provided a formal letter to Joe, explaining that the permit was denied because the abattoir was an unlawful use. The inspector also reiterated that the application to change the zoning to allow for an abattoir was rejected by council. Government speak for, sorry Joe, your shit out of luck. Joe attempted to go to the city manager and provide letters from the province, which explained in detail that the Township was in error and could not restrict a legitimate farming operation. The Township disagreed and told Joe that in 1999 the agricultural branch allowed the Township to restrict meat processing, but would not provide further information without an extensive freedom of information request. Which may or may not yield the right paperwork to Joe, it would be redacted. The alternative was to sue, and see the information and discovery. Joe was fed up and decided to build his abattoir anyways. Joe found a contractor and billed that abattoir over a weekend when the Township's building inspectors were not working. On Monday morning some 50 complaints were made to the Township and the bylaw enforcement officer came to Joe's property to investigate. Joe, I'm getting reports that you've done unlawful construction, is that true? No, all the construction here is legal. What about that? Points to abattoir. That's a legal building. I don't think you have a permit for that Joe, you'll have to stop working on it. That's okay, the work is done, so we can definitely stop work on it. Joe, this is putting us in an awkward situation. I'll have to go back to my higher-ups and look into enforcement options, but this is serious. Noted. The Township Council was very angry that Joe had gone ahead with construction and took legal steps to prevent Joe from using the building, and implied that they would seek a court order to have the building demolished. In response, Joe sued the Township. The Township responded to Joe's lawsuit by issuing daily fines for building without a permit, and these fines had reached upwards of $125,000 by the time the case was before a judge. So on to the lawsuit. Joe made his case to the judge and provided all the evidence, and requested that the courts declare that the abattoir is a legal use, that the Township must amend their bylaws within 60 days, and that the Township's chief building officer be compelled to issue the building permit for his abattoir. Joe also pointed out that the $125,000 were unreasonable and appeared to be an intimidation tactic in response to his lawsuit. The Township made their case and pointed to a 1999 approval from the agricultural branch, which allowed the Township to change their definition of agricultural use. Which said that, a building or use providing for the growing, rearing, producing and harvesting of agricultural products, includes the processing and or sale on an individual farm of the primary agricultural products harvested, reared, or produced on that farm. But they eliminated the term, rearing. The Township's position was that poultry is not an agricultural product that is grown, rather, it is reared. Therefore, the proposed abattoir cannot be considered to be a bone-fighting agricultural use. The Township explained that through this entire ordeal, these government agencies did not understand that chickens are not grown, they are reared. The judge quickly pointed out that the memo the Township provided to the agricultural branch in 1999 was detailed and explained that the purpose of the changes to the definition of agricultural use was in response to new legislation, in 1999, which dealt with mushroom farms. The Township acknowledged this, but argued that the provincial minister, in charge of the agricultural branch, should have foreseen that the elimination of rearing would prevent an abattoir, so their position was still valid. The Township suggested that the minister effectively approved any prohibition or restriction on the use of farmland created by the definition, regardless of the minister's understanding and intention at the time the statutory approval was issued. The judge explained that the Township's position was not reasonable, and after going through case law to back up his verdict, he explained to the Township that their position that chickens are not grown, but rather are reared or kept was in layman's terms, bullshit. After all, the Township's 1999 letter to the minister, is abundantly clear that the purpose and intent was limited to mushroom farms. Had the intention been to prevent an abattoir the Township, he would have been expressed in the explanatory memo provided to the minister. The judge also educated the Township, explaining that animals are indeed grown. After all growing is a synonym of rearing, and rearing describes a process where animals are grown. The judge also noted that he was very concerned that the Township had issued $125,000 of fines for a matter that was before the courts. Unfortunately, he could not make a judgment on it as the matter of costs was not included in the court case. However, he did encourage Joe to consider making a subsequent lawsuit for costs, and that the Township would be wise to void the fees. The judge also noted that three high levels of government agency had expressed to the Township that it was wrong, so it would be difficult to not view the fines as intimidation. While it was not expressly said, Joe could be entitled to his lost earnings that were impacted by the town's enforcement, which would also be significant. Moral of the story, don't mess with a farmer. You stay till the end, which means you're the one I make these episodes for. I want to take this moment, to thank you, I really appreciate you, because you bring me a great amount of joy. 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