 The farm was crying, pointing to his smoldering sheep and pointing to all these burnt land and I was not supposed to know that that little fire we started was going to cause that gigantic bushfire. Dude, we fucked up that week. Are we live? Welcome to episode number 38, this is the Marty and Michael podcast, we're coming at you straight out of the box. Straight out Compton. And this week, fucking hell, it's been a roller coaster of emotions, let me tell you. What happened? We bought a car. We bought a car. We bought a car. I'm not going to say who from, because the jury's still out on whether it's a goodbye or not. I'm starting to think that the dogs ripped me one. It's not a good car, I don't want a good car. So I just fucking bought a shit box and I think it is a shit box, but it's shitter than I thought it would be. Yeah, you've already had to get repairs. Yeah, which they're doing for free, but fuck, I don't want to have to drive an hour to get there. Yeah, guys, far away. It's too far. What'd you do on the weekend? Oh, I got drunk. Oh, I got so drunk that I pissed the bed. No, I didn't piss. Michael broke his drinking ban, so fuck, everyone out there who was- I had 300 dollar bottles of wine. Oh, wow, it was nice. Oh, dude, I had reds. Well, they're $300 each. Dude, this was like a six-star restaurant. Where is it? The one above, you know, the place in South Bank is a hotel connected to it. We've been there before. You're lying. No, we have. Yeah, but yeah, fuck. Sorry, Michael. It was delicious, the wine. He's talking shit. Michael, that didn't happen. I won $300 at the casino, too, blackjack. So you want a bottle of wine. So all those people who are using Michael's sobriety is inspiration to also not drink themselves. Sorry. It's impossible. He's fucking had a drink. It's impossible. An alcoholic, you cannot stop. Forever. You will drink until you die. We haven't drank since. We've proven it. Yeah, so the best case scenario is that you drink only once in a month, and then once that month is over, the drinking will continue until death comes to your door much, much, much earlier than a normal person. So much. So once you go down the alcohol path, you are destined to die. As a kid, just smoke weed. Don't drink. We'll just mix. I like to cycle from one drug to the next. Yeah. Always have a drug, though. Actually, there's a question about that that I just took a screenshot of before. About drugs. Well, we wouldn't know. We only do it in the name of science. We don't remember it. What else has happened? We've exercised a bit. Yeah, you can probably tell. I've lost three kilos. Yeah, you can probably tell that we've been exercising really hard and eating semi well. You can probably tell. Even those people listening, you can probably tell. Yeah, there's a change in our voice. There's a change in our heart. It's beating more firm. That's Michael's heart. My girlfriend's here watching now for the first time. Yeah, it's the first time. She's waving her far away. She did her far. She's gushing gas and she's trying to wave it away. So that's happening in my peripheral vision. My girlfriend here just seeped gasing everywhere. She's sickening. All right, well, let's fucking move straight along to let's get some bloody questions rolling out the gate. Actually, we've got questions. We've got PO Box. We've got a fucked story, and then we've got a prank fuck. Yeah, let's keep it short and sweet today. Yeah, let's keep it short and sweet because we know you've got ADD. Segment. What's it called? All right. Let's go to our next segment. The segment has been renamed, of course. Matthew Brown from Halsom. Do you mind passing us the phone? Quite a lot of responsibility there on his shoulder. It's closed a bit lighter. So many jobs at Halsom, he sort of forgets once he leaves the office, he sort of zones out, tunes out mentally. Yeah, yeah, no, it's a lot on his plate, so just relax. Matthew Brown from Halsom there in Milton. What a large building they have there. There's actually a few Halsom headquarters in Australia. I saw a Halsom truck today driving. I see them everywhere now. I throw shit at them. I coined it. Yeah, I literally went through my change and just coined it. And I throw shit at them and I scream Matthew Brown. Yeah, but we, yeah, we know Halsom at the end. Yeah, just Matthew Brown so that Halsom's there. I hope that they hear and then connect the dots that Matthew Brown has told them to do that. Yeah, I changed it. I just got all my spare changed and pegged it out the window. All right, this next segment has been renamed to. So we got to find out. And of course, this is a segment where we just answer questions that you guys send in via Instagram. Yeah, man. What about famous birthdays and shit? We forgot all about that. Oh, yeah, Judge Judy. Judge Judy, we've been scanning through the news headlines. There's still no one has thrown human shit at Judge Judy's back. No, no. Just remember, if you leave where she lives and you see her, if you go to the same grocery store as her, please, please peg human shit at her back. Yeah. Film it and send it in. Film it and send it in. We will, yeah, just please, please throw human shit at Judge Judy's back. Hashtag it wherever you can. Just comment at randomly. I just want, let's spread it. Let's spread the word. We need Judge Judy to have human shit just in the middle of her back. Spinal shit. It won't hurt her. Yeah, it's a bit gross, but it's just I just want to see what she does. Yeah, film it. If you don't film it, it didn't happen. So just please throw someone. Hashtag throw human shit at Judge Judy's back. Imagine being married to her. Yeah, not good. She'd be a very dominant lover and she'd kiss with only tongue. Tongue and teeth kisser. Oh, yeah, suck, sucky. OK, this first question is from Thalajilik17. Why don't you clip your fingernails? We do. Oh, Michael, that's probably directed at you and your sickness. Yeah, I normally break them. Just rip them off because they're that weak from malnutrition. But people, you always see comments, who are you fucking paying your fingernails in the videos? Who fucking cares? Yeah, we'll do what we want. We don't care what you fucking think of our appearance. God, yeah, next question. We are God, you are right. Henry, Dott Sinclair, what's a stunt that you are too scared to try? You were going to cut your finger off. Yeah, I was going to cut my pinky off, started go fund me for $50,000 back when we were really poor and just get like really drunk and then going to meet Cleaver and just lop the thing off for 50 grand. 50 grand. Oh, yeah, you wouldn't do that now. No, I wouldn't need to. We just upload two or three videos. There was one we were thinking about doing. It was a pencil dive off a 10 story building onto a highway. But, you know, we spoke about some other friends and yeah, people thought that we could really badly hurt ourselves. So we decided not to do that one. But yeah, we're going to pencil dive off a 10 story building into the middle of the road and like film people's reactions as we fucking land on the highway. I'd land it. Yeah, yeah, I was just going to like just just relax the knees a bit and then just sort of use them as a spring, you know. But yeah, apparently that's with Willem Powerfish, like a couple months ago, he wanted us to get in shark infested waters. We scissors paper rock and whoever loses has to jump in after we've thrown blood and guts into the water to get sharks to come. He said and I was fucked up. I can't get into water with sharks. But you've only got a thirty three percent chance of having to get in there. Yeah, but it's a big chance. If you get like I would just bring like two knives and get in there and then you just sort of fucking you get ready and play dead. I think I think like bears. Well, you can always play. You know, you've always got that option. Sharks are very, very similar to bears. In fact, I read in an article that I wrote that bears and sharks. Sharks are basically just bears without without hair in the water. If you shave a bear, very, very similar to a shark. Matt Brown from Halsam or back. And you've always got the option to walk away too. We forget about that. We should have fucking done that. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I don't know if you remember, but Steve actually jumped in the water with me to attach to his face. Yeah, he kicked his shark in their head. Siva has, you know, animal experts and a paramedics and shit on standby. We only had Willem on standby. He's a powerful fish. But yeah, so we should have done it in hindsight because you just as a shark's coming towards you, you just sort of move out of the way or play dead. I just climb up a rope or something out of the water. Yeah, you bring a rope in with you and just sort of throw it up and then climb up around a cloud. Bang, you're safe. Anyway, next question. This one's from Tom underscore. Outkin, oh, three. Done any drugs? And if so, what ones? Now, the drugs that we've done are for science reasons. And we do this shit so you guys don't have to. So if you go, oh, they're just a bunch of junkies. No, we're not. I'm like three days sober now. And before that, I was two weeks. So, well, sober is in no alcohol. We still had. Yeah, cocaine, weed, what else? There was I don't smoke weed anymore. I ingest it. It's less anxiety. What else have we done? Yeah, everything. We've done everything for science. Yeah, kids don't do drugs until you're 18. Then do all of them. We didn't want to do any of them, but we thought we'd better do them and then just tell people what it's like. So then they don't have to. Yeah. So we've done mushrooms, LSD, cocaine, DMT, ice. Oh, dude, that was a rough week. We didn't know it was ice. We're in Laos. We should. That's a fucking story in itself. What else? Painkillers, all sorts of prescription drugs, weed, of course, alcohol, of course. What else is there? Pingas, pingas, all sorts of pingas, MDMA, of course, one of our favorites. But again, don't do it. Just we have done it and it's nice, but don't do it. Have a go. Have a fucking go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it responsibly. Don't do it. Eat them all. All in all, I'd say the best drug out of them all would be marijuana. Well, marijuana is the least amount of commitment. You know, it's like you're just high. You're you're in a happy mood and you're relaxed. And yeah, the rage sort of within you subsides a bit. Chill. Yeah. Well, you less murdery. Yeah, you wouldn't go out fucking cows when you're high. No, I can't do it on weed. Bender on the fucking kid. I'll hook up with them. I'll like central. It's more central. Yeah, like those had a weird moment one with a with a big ball. And we sort of slow danced under the stars for a couple of hours while I was high. And yeah, so but no no violence on weed, which is which is interesting. There you go needs to be legalized. Yeah, alcohol. That's where the blackouts happen. That's where the rage really builds up and explodes out of my dick and ass. Have you ever greened out? Yeah, from Edibles. Oh, did you vomit? No, I didn't vomit, but I was very close to panicking. Yeah, yeah, you can go real far with Edibles real quick. Well, yeah, we had panic attacks in LA as we ate like three gummies each. And we're sitting in the cinemas and I had no idea how to get out. Yeah, we thought we lose. I get so disorientated. Yeah, but then like luckily we're in the cinema. So we felt safe. No one's looking at us. We're in the dark and then the movie we just got into. And then at the end, we just hired some like go scooters and just scooted around town high, which was fun screaming. But yeah, don't do drugs, but do them. Don't don't not do them. Yeah, don't not do drugs in. An 18 makes you 18 kids. Don't do it yet. All right. This one's from Ivan Petin and Ella. Classic name, very common name. Do you guys follow the NBA and if you do what teams? No, not really, really. Well, I don't really follow the NBA for a while. I used to play NBA on PlayStation when I was a little German girl and I liked the New York Knicks, but no, I've never liked basketball. Ozzy Karts, our mate, Bryce. Now, are you guys planning on making a song? Yes. We spoke about this with our filmer, Connor, a while ago. We're thinking of turning a little tune, a little self made tune that we sing sometimes when we're filming called disco dancing. We get it. Yeah. That was in our head for weeks. That's a very safe, very good tune. Oh, yeah, we just got to find. How do you find tunes? How do you make a tune to like? How what is music, Matt? How do you make sounds, Matt? But yeah, we just need a tune, a simple tune. Don't we've already? Yeah. Lucky, you could probably do it. We've got to go disco dancing. We've got to go disco dancing. We've got to go disco dancing. Yes, yes, yes. And then there's a bridge, but I don't want to say I can't remember it, but I have got it. It's good. It's it's very, very good. Yeah, it's it's one of the best noises I've ever heard. Yeah, it's it makes me happy. All right, next question. Tune for that. Shane underscore 2026. If you guys wrestled, what would be your entrance music and what would your finishing move be? War pigs, Black Sabbath and finishing move would be the scorpion where you hit the back of their head and it shuts their whole body down. They just become like Stephen. You Stephen Hawking's them. Yeah. Their whole fucking tongue comes out. They dribble. They can't move. So when you're in a fight, don't go for the front. Hit up around the back. Tap that spot in the back of their head. Bang, shut down. Yeah, I've seen him do it to an old lock. He came up with a new one the other day. Yeah, it's a punch and then slap up under the chin. See, and that's another spot. Apparently you can shut like half. It shuts all their organs down. So it's an instant death. It stops the heart straightaway. Internally. Yeah, they die internally. It's not the nervous sitting nervous system. Shutting down. It's the organs. My entry song would be Wrecking Ball from Miley Cyrus and my finishing move would be a I'd shoot them. Yeah, fuck. So yeah, I could see you doing that. What about somewhere the cow you could bring in like you could, I don't know. You can't really have a cow in your pocket. Can you? Depends how big the pocket is, I guess. Yeah. And it's quite noticeable, though. Hard to walk with a cow in your pocket. Yeah, maybe just one of the legs in the pocket and it walks next to me. Still in the pocket. Yeah, yeah. I guess we can fucking release the cow on them at the end. Shoot milk with them. Anyway, sorry. It's all working in progress. This one's from Zach Triple C. I'm the score. What was your dream job as a kid? How happy are you with what you are doing now? How much do you enjoy pranking each other on a regular basis and creating content? If there was one thing you could change about your profile, what would it be? What's your profile? Like this, the side of your face? Yeah, I'd probably cut the nose down a bit. I was going to say that I was, yeah, cut the nose off. Yeah, no, I probably, yeah, maybe, I don't know, the nose and the profile. How come that's called your profile? I don't know. Sorry. Some idiot made that up. There's a lot of questions. What's what's our dream job as a kid? Oh, probably I wanted to be a tennis star professional athlete or I guess comedian was in there, but I never really pursued it because it was laughed at when I voiced it. Yeah, your your mother did not like it. No. Yeah, tennis player. Then I'm happy. This is awesome. It's fun making silly videos. So like once as a as a kid, I wanted to be a tennis player found alcohol slash drugs, which changed me to want to be an entertainer. Sorry about that. Therefore, I'm happy with what I'm doing now. Yes, Michael hadn't really gotten drunk before you met me. I think it was 16. Yeah, once I met you. Sorry about that. Yeah, goon. Quite a profound effect there. Sorry, mate. Yeah, yeah. Remember the first time you dropped the ball there, didn't I? We went through like fucking six goon sacks in one night and then born addicted. Yeah, and you pissed all over me. Yep, pissed all over him while he was passed out as punishment for passing out. Oh, and I stand by that decision. Yeah, if you pass out, you've got to cop it. Hey, I don't know what they're called the profile. If profile is the representation of something in the outline. So on your side, they can see the outline. Matt Brown from Halston. Would there be a profile then for front on? Like, because then your profile's on the ears and cheek? It's just a circle. It's just a circle. No, your ears stick out. Yeah, so you've got a circle with ears on it. So it has to be the side. Matt Brown from Halston just googled it and he said something about a line. Something about a line on the face when you do it that way. That's what Matthew Brown from Halston said. There's a word for word what he said. He said, a line on the face when you face that way, profile picture. Yeah. I don't know, I'm still struggling to make sense of it all but that's what Matthew Brown from Halston said. There was a bit of concrete in there somewhere too. He's got a lot going on. He's got a lot going on at work. A lot of people to manage. He's got to sort of sort of sort things out. People come to him with problems. It's just best that we sort of leave this to us. Yeah, us as in A, R, S, E. All right, alec underscore cabriganino, three. Very good. Your pronunciation's really gone much better. I'm Spanish. What do I have? Why do I have the urge to milk Mardi? It's because I have an Arta. Maybe I think it's like a reference at the cows. I think also because I don't know if anyone's ever seen. I have an Arta on my back, on my lower back. It's like where his tramp stamp is. It's not like a bee. Well, that's why I got that tattoo there is to sort of disguise it a bit. But yeah, I have an Arta, so maybe that's why. This one's from Christian. Of course it is. Christian Nanastasas. Man, these are hard to pronounce. Very common name. Does Michael have cerebral palsy? MS. Yeah, he's just got MS. He might have, look, he might have cerebral palsy. What is that one? Is that where you go, Stephen Hawking's? Yeah, I think that's, you're born with like a thing that makes you just look like a fuckwit. Whoa. But you know, where he hasn't been checked for cerebral palsy, who knows? Sometimes. Yeah, I've seen him do that. You've seen me when I'm proper fucking munted? Yeah, and I've said to myself. My face caves in. I've said to myself. I've seized up. You look like you have cerebral palsy right now. I've said that. I've said that six to seven times. You seem like that. Yeah, and that's just him relaxing. Yeah, when we're, but that's like when I'm, that's fucking two days deep on a lot of shit. All right, yeah, MS though is probably his favorite disease. Yeah, that I have. Okay, Daniel underscore are here. How many people or cows do you guys finger on a daily basis asking for a police officer? Pa, if I had to average it out weekly, there's some weeks where I don't finger anyone. I don't finger anything or anyone, but then there's some weeks where, yeah, it's quite a insatiable appetite to just fucking get through as many cows as I can. So on average, it's probably maybe, what's that, maybe five on that Saturday. I'll probably like three or four a week. Yeah, but usually it's two, every session, it's two to four. So it averages out. If you're gonna go out to the fucking farm, you gotta make it worthwhile. Yeah, and then, you know, there's a lot of, and at the moment with the bushfires and shit, it's quite difficult because they're all charred corpses. Yeah, it's not the same. Yeah, it's not the same fingering a charred corpse. Yeah, well, they're already, you know, they're already fucked. So like, it's funnier, but it's not, it's sort of taken the fun out of it. Like, I laugh more, but it sort of makes me not, you know. It doesn't hit the spot of project, it's not just a joke. It's like, it doesn't really satisfy me, you know? Yeah, no, I get that. It's funny though, like it's good laugh. All right, the underscore boy, underscore dudas underscore. How good of a scientist would you rate yourself? Well, like, how many scientists do you know of? Like, I only knew one. Yeah, well, yeah, there's like, there's Stephen Hawking's who like, like we read his work, all of it. And we thought, oh, okay. Yeah, he's sort of on our level. So there's Stephen Hawking's, the rest, like I've forgotten their names, to be honest. And I don't know what they've done for the world. So, you know, no one, if someone said to any strange, just a random person on the street, do you know any scientists? Marty and Michael, they would say Marty and Michael. Like, so we're 10 out of 10. I'd rate us 10 out of 10. And there aren't many that have the knowledge that we have. And there aren't many that do the experiments that we do. Well, science is just, it's fucking, it gets swept under the rug. Like, it's not popular, no one likes it. It was very difficult to try and make science cool again. And we've done it, like, because, you know, we've like, we've fucking saved the day. Like a whole generation now is going to grow up, learning shit, a lot smarter. Yeah, like, ethics and shit. Like there's ethics, work ethic, and also like science shit. Like we've done shit. No one other fucking can't fucking do come. Like we're fucking up there. I put fucking on stone or whatever. Fuck that. He done nice shit. Stephen Hawking's knew some shit, but at the end of the day, he's stuck in a chair. No, he's not even that anymore. Yeah, well, he's stuck in a chair in the ground. I'm pretty sure that's how they buried him. Just duct tape him to the chair and throw it in a hole and fill it with concrete, delivered by him. Awesome. Oh, holy shit. Oh, fuck, we are good, dude. That was fucking well said. So 10 out of 10, science. Yeah, we're the best scientists there are. All right, next question. Joel underscore Hunter, what's the craziest tennis drawer you have? Oh, fuck. What about that time there was that fuck-wit parent who kept tripping everyone who walked in front of him? Oh, and I accused him of being a pedophile. Yeah, so we saw this parent at a tennis tournament. He kept tripping people if they walked in front of his chair because it like obstructed his vision of his kid playing a tennis match for like a split second. So we decided to walk in front of him and he tripped us. And then, yeah, Michael turned around and called him a pedophile. And then we, something happened. We had him, we, the, yeah. Yeah, he got kicked out. He got in trouble because he was like tripping kids. But you got to understand in the tennis world, I'd say like, not all parents, but fucking 50% of parents are just disgusting people. And the kids are also fucked. Oh, no social skills. It's like, oh, like I used to refer to tennis. If you're in the tennis world, you're in a tennis cult. It's all you live and breathe, this fucking sick sport that I now hate. And yeah, the parents are just fucking crazy obsessed with their kids becoming famous, trying to live through their kids. And like, you know, they'll punch or pump a lot of money into their kids just to hit a ball over the net. Sickening world. And then fucking 99.9% of the kids don't make it like me. And then, And then what? You're fucking stuck at home. Lucky I had science to fucking back like fall on or I would have been, I would have just been a fucking, You'd be in another coach, just another coach. We're lucky. We're so lucky that we have this general, huge baseline fundamental knowledge of science. No one really has that to fall back on. We got lucky. Yeah. We got very, very lucky. We're really fast learners. So we went from tennis to science and now we're the best. What's that? Oh, this one. Okay, we'll finish at this one. This is good because I'm good at this. This one's from Robert 420. And he's asked, have you ever had a shit outside? And if so, what did you wipe your ass with? Oh yeah. Michael, you can take this. This is right up your alley. Like a lot of people think you need leaves or even toilet paper. You don't need anything or you can shit where you want. And then you just sort of drag, like a dog, how they wipe their ass. Make sure you need grass. You need a field. Thick, lush grass is helpful. I've seen Michael shit. And then he'll pull his pants down and sit on his ass and then pull his cheeks apart, then sit. Yeah, sometimes. And then drag himself along, leave it. And the grass cleans his ass. Yeah, fully. Like it's spotless. It sucks if it's dry grass because it fucking points in. And if there's bindi sticks and prickles, yeah. Prickles, you're fucked. Like there's been some bad moments. But like check the grass before you do it. But you can, as long as there's grass, you can shit anywhere and you just pull your ass along and you're fine. There's no shit on your ass anymore. Yeah. Awesome. All right, and that's all our questions. All right, which brings us to our next segment, which has been renamed to BASTION! And basically this is, where we open shit that you fuck with scent. So our PO Box, which is right here. PO Box. PO Box. PO Box, two five six, TAGEM, four zero one eight is our postcode. Queensland, Australia. Send us some more shit, okay? This is like... We only got one box again this week. Yeah, one big box full of heaps of shit. But just send us more shit. If you want this segment to live on. Send us, remember, we are fucking totally fine. I would love to open up. Some human shit. See human shit in it. Like, I would, and I will even do the army, like where you put it on your fingers. There you go. If you send us human shit, Michael will wipe it under his eyes like an army man trying to camouflage his face. God, that's cool. I think that's pretty cool. It's strange. It's definitely up there. Like, he gets sent shit and does that. That's a first. So go on, send us your shit. But this is what they've sent us. They've sent us a disco projector light. What? Oh my. So that's pretty cool. Thank you. That's going. That's the fucking Christmas party. That's going in the bin. That's the boys trip. We're going to use that. They've sent us some fireworks. Oh, it says no fireworks. It's a big, big party popper. Do it. Just do it. Why are these shit? That's fucked. All right, and we're going to continue searching through the box. Oh, I wanted to see that. So thank you. There's air horns, party poppers, and a disco light projector. Perfect for disco dancing. Great. Thank you to anonymous whoever sent that. Thank you very much. It's great. Thank you. And that's exactly the type of stuff we expect in the PO box. Yeah, slash as well as shit. As well as human shit. All right. That's the PO box segment. Oh, I really wanted that explosion. Why? Why didn't it work? How is that not working? What? Ah! Yes, we did it. We did it. Fucking me. That is hot. Very, very difficult. I'm satisfied. All right. For those listening at home, it just popped. And there's confetti everywhere. Everywhere. And, Michael, make sure to clean this up, of course, after we finish the podcast. Yeah. And be quick about it, too. We've got to get going on a dinner. Yeah, we've got dinner to go to. All right. That is the end of the PO box segment. Thank you for sending those party poppers through. That's great. All right. The next segment is it's been renamed. And there's a little Matthew's written a little song for this one. It's storytime. It's storytime, wholesome. Storytime wholesome sponsored by wholesome. So it's storytime. And we just tell an old fucked up story that we've done. And, yeah, it's sponsored by wholesome. So get around it if anyone needs any concrete. Make sure you ask for Matthew Brown. Wholesome headquarters there in Milton is a big five story building. I've been in there myself. Everyone's got computer. They have free Armit biscuits. Everyone's got a computer. There's a kitchen. Oh, it's a lunch break. Go to the kitchen and then Matt Brown says, get back to work, you fucking bitch. What do it? Yeah. All right, today's story is all about, look. And we do these this shit when we were young and stupid and we we still would do this. Yeah, we do it. We do it today. If present if the opportunity presented itself. This is a story about compassion. It's a story about hope and survival. It's a really touching piece on on bravery and also just being the sense of just human togetherness. You know the movie Castaway? It's similar to that. That's what I sort of compare it to. So we were on Stradbroke Island, which is an island close to Brisbane and we were getting fucking sloshed. Can't we're getting fucking slammed to fuck you like Russell Crowe hitting his wife fucked up. Did he hit his wife? No, he throws phones at it. Yeah. He just throws phones at everyone. And we were young. We were young, very young, maybe 18 or something. And we were drinking and everyone goes to bed really early. There's not much to do. And we were up still drinking and we saw something so beautiful. There's like a little river and there's a bridge going over and there was this guy in the middle of the bridge and we were maybe 100 meters away and he was sort of standing, holding onto the railing. How big was the dip, you reckon? I reckon it was probably a good three meters to the water. Oh, maybe two meters to the water. But yeah, he was standing there fucked off his head and the rail is like hip-high, so it's not that high. And he was just standing, looking into the water, fucked out of his head. So we sort of snuck up. He's like nearly unconscious. And so we snuck up, we're like 10 meters away from him, hiding behind a tree, looking at him. And then we saw one of those beautiful things. He sort of lost balance, fell forward, and flipped into the water. Bang, straight into the water. It's quite shallow water. Yeah, so he wasn't in a drown. He was OK. Well, he might have hurt his legs. Look, he could have drowned. And I definitely wouldn't have helped. Yeah, we were busy. We were busy laughing. It was very, very funny. So anyway, that was like, we were crippled with laughter. We're seeing him do that. And then what followed was equally as hilarious. He was sort of, there was quite a steep bank down to the water and he was continued to try and climb out of the bank. And then he did manage to get to the top, turned around, and started pissing where he just crawled, lost his balance, and rolled back down the hill. Imagine if we had fucking iPhones back then. This would have been like millions of views. This guy was fucked. Anyway, he climbed out the other side of the bank. We didn't see him for a while. And we just continued drinking around our campsite, blah, blah, blah. And then went for a walk later. And as luck would have it, we stumbled across him again. Gem. And he was completely passed out. Now, he's like lying. He was like me passed out, like fucking gone. You can do whatever you actually want to see. He was fucked, unconscious fucked. And he was sort of close to his campsite, but it wasn't no one else around. So we sort of wanted to see just how fucked he was. So it started with just hiding behind trees and just underhand throwing just small amounts of sand onto his face and body. And just small amounts and nothing. He wouldn't move and we were doing this for a while. Fucking hilarious. And then we sort of started getting confident, being like this guy is never going to fucking wake up. He's never going to wake up. So we started getting handfuls of sand and overhand throw, getting a bit harder at his face. And it's starting to get loud now when the sand slaps into his face. Like it would sting a lot. And he's just sitting there still just completely fucked. Hasn't even moved. And then we started like fully like a meter away standing over him and pegging sand into his face. And then I went and got a handful of wet sand nearby, stood over him. And then this was, he went from completely dead, pegged the handful of wet sand into his face to like, like someone had hit him with a shot of adrenaline. And he just sat up and realized, like we were just standing a few meters away from him. He's covered in sand and he's just realized, realized that he, that we'd just been pegging sand at him as hard as we could. We'd been sanding him. And so he just shot up straight away and without saying a word, not a word was said, just started bolting after us. And we like, I've never felt such a surge of adrenaline. Because I could, yeah, I felt like he was really, really wanting to hurt us. And just sprinted towards the beach and then took a left in the pitch black and like, man, I don't think I've ever run that fast. We were fucking flying on that sand, like flying across it. I took, I was like up in the air. Yeah, I think we were levitating for a while. I was so much adrenaline that we were actually floating. Like I was like Superman. I didn't have my arms in front of me. I had my arms to the side, but flying. And that's how fast we were going. I didn't even turn around to see how long he was chasing us for, but like a good minute of sprinting. And then we found some like trees in the darkness, turned around and he was gone. So if you're listening to the podcast, dude that got fucked up that night. Sandman. Sorry, mate. Sorry about that. That's our bag. Little survey for getting that fucked up on your own, though. Well, like what are you doing? Yeah. At least have a friend. Why are you on a bridge? Yeah, looking in, just looking in for like swaying around for like five minutes and then fucking fall in. Yeah. He could have snapped his neck. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Like in a way we were teaching him a lesson. Yeah. But well, that's how I think of it. We sort of, I feel like we saved his, yeah, we saved his life. I think he's, is there like some sort of metal that people get for saving lives? Isn't there some sort of bravery man? Noble Peace Prize. Yeah, yeah. I think we, if there's the person who is in charge of the Nobel Peace Prize, if you're listening. Just email us. Email us. Well, you've got our peer box. Just send it through. Like send it through. That's a true story. Yeah. Saved a guy's life. So just send it through. And also like maybe just some other awards or some medals or something. I don't know. Maybe a trophy, a big trophy. That'd be nice. Yeah. Cause we did save a life. So like send us some trophies. How many? So yeah, it's a short story, but like I still remember it vividly him falling into the water in it. And it still, it still makes me chuckle. It still brings a laugh to my face. So how old were we? I would have been 18. Just, just on 18. Maybe not even. Maybe not even. Well, they're with Cassie and her family. Fuck. Oh, good time. So yeah, that is there. So yeah, all in all, if someone gets fucked up like that and they're sand about, save their life. You got it. If someone, if your friends are getting that fucked up, you got to do something to them so they know next time not to get that fucked up. If you don't do anything to them and then they just think that they're able to do that any repercussions. You got to, you got to piss on them, throw sand on them. Super glum. Something. Super glum. You got to cover them in fake tan. Something. To let them know that that's not okay. And they always learn. They always learn. They always learn from that. 100% success rate. Sort of. That is the end of story Tom, which brings us to our final segment which hasn't been renamed. It's just the prank call. And this week we're going to call Domino's, right? And I'm going to pretend to be offended at everything that they say. Fuck, this is going to be cringe, man. Yeah, this is, not looking forward to this one. But yeah, I'm going to somehow pretend that what they're saying is quite offensive. Silverback, silverback. Silverback. Hey, would I be able to place a pickup order please? No. I've never actually called Domino's before. You guys just do pizzas, right? Yeah, right. So do you guys have the standard just pepperoni pizza? I have a mobile phone. Pardon? Sorry, what pizza did you say you were after? Sorry, did you just say you want my address? Pardon? Did you just say that you need my address because it's a mobile phone? I'm not comfortable giving out that information. What? I'm not comfortable. It's a pickup order. I don't need to give my address to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he had to do. Oh, right. So you're sort of talking to the other staff while you're on the phone. Do you need any help? What pizza were you after? Do you guys have like the, just the standard Hawaiian pizza? Yeah, we do. Great, so can I just get one of those? And do you guys have, what sort of sides do you guys have? Sorry, what bite, sorry? What sort of bite, sorry? All right, so you guys do like chicken bites as well. I thought you guys just did pizza. Oh, okay. I was just told that you guys just did pizza, that's, so you guys do chicken as well. So it's chicken and pizza. Okay, well, I'll just get like, do you guys do garlic bread, right? Do you guys have any gluten-free garlic bread? We do. Can I get a gluten-free garlic bread? Yeah, sure. And what sort of drinks do you guys have? Excuse me, excuse, you are a rude hat. How the fuck did she know? Dominoes is on us, dude. There must be spreading the word. Oh! The dominoes people calling other dominoes people, fuck you, you little worms. You hat? I'm using that in the future. I didn't want to be too rude, but I wanted to let her know that I was upset. Oh man, well, that's different, that's a change. We've never had him go like, yes we have, but she was genuinely pissed off. Yeah, but how did she know? I wonder what gave her. Maybe I'm pretty sure there could be like, I think in dominoes, in their little like, whatever fucking system. System, in their computer system. And they've put out, and they've got a bug, they've bugged the house and their computer system picks up the stress in my voice and analyzes it underneath the algorithm and then it spits out a prank call probability number. And it facts it to it. The staff then use that and they talk to each other. They're having a meeting now. The staff sit down and have a meeting about the prank probability number and then they have a chat and decide, no, this guy's not being serious. And then the person on the phone has to deliver the information. And that's what's happened. We need to find the bug in the house and we need to destroy it. Dominoes is everywhere. If you're listening, burn your fucking house down. They've bugged you too. Burn your house down, hashtag burn your house down, spread the word. Dominoes is everywhere. We're the best, we're the best, we're the best. Dominoes, fuck you. There's a bug in the house. There's a bug in the fucking house, man. Oh, fix it. Burn the house. There's bushfires. Burn the house down. There's bushfires.