 Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Is that really true? This is often said in relation precisely after somebody tells us something hurtful. Words can wound, and they can become abusive and wear you down over time. The American Psychological Association defines verbal abuse as extremely critical, threatening or insulting words delivered in oral or written form and intended to demean, belittle, or frighten the recipient. It can be difficult to determine whether you are in a verbally abusive relationship, let alone walk away from one. You might feel conflicted whenever you remember the other person's good qualities and the happy times you shared with them. Abuse is not as straightforward as it can seem in the media, although some television shows and movies nowadays portray aspects of it that are more realistically complex. On the show Euphoria, we witness Nate's abusive behavior towards Maddie. He is short-tempered and, when angered, speaks to her in a commanding and spiteful way. He has no problem calling her offensive slurs and he frequently yells and swears at her. On the other hand, Nate and Maddie are also seen laughing and having fun together, being physically affectionate, quietly confiding in each other and exchanging love views. The contrast gives us a glimpse into a victim's conflicted feelings and why some keep going back to their abuser, their own Nate. In real life, it can be just as difficult to see your own relationships clearly, but it can help to equip yourself with a better understanding of what verbal abuse is and what it can look like in day-to-day life. So with that said, here are five signs of verbal abuse. 1. Criticism Constructive or destructive Does someone in your life comment endlessly on your intelligence, appearance, or even your mannerisms? They might tell you that nobody likes you, or make you believe that your own friends and family secretly hate you. According to an article published in the Journal of Taiba University Medical Sciences, verbally abusive criticism involves a certain level of judgment and blame that can leave you feeling inferior and ashamed of who you are. When the audience first meets Maddie, she talks about how Nate ruined her confidence. She nitpicks at her appearance even as her friends assure her that she is very attractive. She explains that she feels disgusting because Nate constantly criticized everything about her, and this is our first sign that he was being verbally abusive. Later, Nate attributes Maddie's behavior to her being crazy, when in truth her actions are largely a response to his own mistreatment of her. Similarly, an abuser might tell you that you are too sensitive and immature, that you're going out of your mind, or that you take everything too seriously. By doing this, they're discounting your feelings and your own truth. Critical comments can also be well intended. Your partner may believe that they're only trying to help, but when their criticisms are persistent and harsh, they can be more damaging than constructive. 2. Heartful Names Does your parent or partner call you names? Not harmless nicknames or pet names, but names that are really just insults. These might be outright accusations like calling you stupid or spoiled. These might also come in the form of derogatory slurs, as was the case with Nate and Maddie on euphoria. You may have also experienced more subtle but equally hurtful name calling. For instance, an abuser might mockingly call you a victim or a martyr. Psychology and philosophy expert Dr. Barrett Brogaard wrote that the key difference between harmless and harmful name calling lies in the effect it has on you and your self-esteem. Are these names playful? Or do they leave you feeling wounded? Vulnerable? Worthless? If it's more of the latter, you may be experiencing verbal abuse. 3. Yelling and swearing Does someone in your life scream or curse at you on a regular basis? Do they often yell at you to shut up? Everyone loses their temper sometimes, but it's important to assess whether this has become a common occurrence in your relationship. On euphoria, raised voices seem to be the norm for communication between Nate and Maddie, rather than the exception. Your partner may have told you that you deserved it, that they have experienced much worse or that this behavior is common and acceptable. Dr. Brogaard wrote that nobody deserves to be yelled at, and she emphasizes that any form of yelling and swearing is verbally abusive, especially if it's done out of context. 4. Laughing with you or at you It was just a joke, don't take everything so seriously. This is something you hear often? You may have heard this after you reacted to a cruel joke that an abuser said to you. They may have ridiculed you, either in private or in public, which can be even more painful. According to Patricia Evans, communication specialist and leading expert on verbal abuse, abusers may try to disguise insults as jokes, but this does not excuse the upsetting things they say. Typically, these jokes will be about your personal issues and insecurities. If you're hurting from their jokes instead of enjoying them, then they've crossed the boundary between playful banter and actual verbal abuse. 5. Under control According to Evans, a verbal abuser may order you around as if your decisions were theirs to control. Your partner might tell you how to spend your money and time or attempt to dictate what you should or shouldn't eat or wear. Aside from this, a verbal abuser might exhibit control by way of threats. You might threaten to leave you or take people away from you. It may even go as far as to threaten to harm you or your loved ones. Communication specialist Patricia Evans clarifies that threats don't have to be drastic. An abuser may have warned you on numerous occasions that other people will think, or in their words find out, that you're a foolish or selfish if you don't do as they say. As a result, victims may end up stuck, trapped in a paradox of feeling afraid of their abuser and yet still too afraid to leave them. Words are intangible, but powerful, and hurtful words can become poisonous as you start to believe them, such as the case with verbal abuse. It can leave you feeling worn out and weak as it gradually diminishes your self-esteem. Try to take a step back from your relationships and see if you can identify these signs of verbal abuse in them. Remember that happy moments in a relationship do not absolve the abuse that happens within it, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. If you're struggling to heal and move forward from abuse, please do not hesitate to reach out to a qualified mental health professional for help. If you found this video helpful, be sure to like, subscribe, and share it with those who might benefit from it. And don't forget to hit the notification bell icon to get notified whenever Psych2Go posts a new video. If you relate to this video, we've also left a list of hot lines below in the description box that you or a loved one can use to seek help for emotional abuse. Thanks so much for watching and see you in our next video.